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00:05G'day folks it's Kenny Smythe here. Now I know what you're thinking. What's your ugly
00:09muck doing on me zombie box? Well some jokers in TV land reckon I know a thing or two about
00:14dunnies and when the idea of celebrating the UN year of sanitation popped into the scones,
00:19guess I got a lot with the job of hosting the show. So come and explore the septic
00:23wonders of the world with me. Welcome to my world, Kenny's world.
00:44That's when the world stands for me.
00:54Please ships, who hasn't looked at a postcard from here in stores? Oh I wish I could go there.
00:59Boys is and guess what? I'm here. Not in a car and not on a horse and they wouldn't let
01:08me on the donkey. No, I'm halfway up the back of a camel heading across the desert to see
01:16the Great Pyramids firsthand. The Sahara. It's the largest desert in the world. The Egyptians
01:25realistically have been the masters of water management for over 5,000 years. I mean they
01:30have to really because their survival depends on it.
01:33Speaking of survival, I'm hoping that pretty soon we give old Grumpy Lumps here a bit of
01:36a pit stop because all this bouncing around is going to make an endangered species out of
01:40my crutch onions if you know what I'm talking about. The old jock eggs. Hello.
01:46Oh, I care for them. Thanks mate. Oh yeah, I know. Well I don't know if I agree with that
01:52but anyway, I'll brush your teeth will you? See you in the morning when you get a chance.
01:57As rugged as a camel ride can be on your day, there's no denying how important the camel is
02:01to survive out here in the desert. Have a look at this though. We're using Mother Nature's
02:10little fire starters here. Camel dung. So Toby, have Egyptians used camel dung for a long time
02:16to get fires going? Yes, of course. You know, I got told a statistic once that over 200,000
02:23tons a year of like animal poo gets used in fires and goes up in smoke instead of being used
02:31to fertilize. And speaking of dung, I've got to show you this. I brought this from Australia.
02:37It's called Jimmy's Thunderbox. Watch this. This goes over like this. You know what this
02:42is? This is my toilet, Toby. Anyway, having said that, I'm going to go and actually put
02:51a bit of thunder in the box myself if you know what I'm saying. I'll be mad in a minute
02:55mate.
03:02That night I slept like a log. The long camel ride through the desert has certainly taken
03:08its toll on me. But as it turns out, I could have walked here.
03:12Toby, the pyramids are right there mate. Yes, of course. And the city's right there. Yes,
03:18I know the city's right there. But Toby, if I'd have known the city was right there,
03:24why did we come right through the desert? But you're asking me, you want to see the desert?
03:29Yeah, I wanted to see the desert, but I didn't know there was the $2 tram ride auction straight
03:33back to the pyramids. Oi! Numbnuts! Numbnuts! Oi!
03:40I must be sunstroke. I'm seeing a mirage. This guy looks like Dad.
03:45Dad?
03:47Who'd you think it was, Lawrence of Arabia? Of course it's your Dad.
03:50How did you get here?
03:51I got here on this pogo stick with piles, the ship of the desert. That's how I got here.
03:57Dad, you're in Egypt.
03:58I had a rough idea I was in Egypt. The pyramids are just over the back. The last time I
04:02had a look,
04:03they weren't in Footscray. Don't let crack us through a hello. I'm your old man, remember?
04:07Or have you forgotten me?
04:08Of course you do, Dad. Good to see you.
04:09Well, I've seen some pretty bizarre things on this world trip so far.
04:13But me old man purse up there on a camel's hump, looking like a low-rent Yasha Arafat,
04:17certainly rocked my casbah, I've got to tell you.
04:23Dad, how did you afford to get over here? Did the TV channel pay for this?
04:26No, no. Me and the boys from the RSL cracked it for the quadrilla at Flemington the other day
04:31paid a heap so we thought we'd come over here and suss out the old Travuk situation.
04:37You were only a kid during the war, didn't you?
04:39Yeah, no, no. Not me. Not me, son. Your granddad. Your granddad served there. He was over there.
04:44And where are all the guys from the RSL now?
04:46Oh, them fools. They're that drunk they couldn't hit a camel in the arse with a bowl of rice
04:50so I left them back at the hotel and then, to top everything off, they lost me luggage.
04:54And this is why I'm wearing the Life of Brian outfit, the silly bloody pilot.
04:58I think I cracked it for the Red Baron on pea plates. I don't think you could fly a flag,
05:02to tell you the truth.
05:05Coming up, I hit the city's museum and check out the Pharaoh's top 100 golden oldies.
05:13I've left Dad back at the hotel to deal with his missing luggage.
05:16While I keep a very important date with a very important person here at the city's museum.
05:25I've got to say, it's one thing to see a picture of an ancient artefact in a school book.
05:29But it's a whole different ball game when you come face to face with the stuff.
05:33Unbelievable.
05:35Dr Wafar is it? I found it. I'm fantastic. This is incredible.
05:40I tell you, I feel as lucky as a monkey let loose in a banana shop
05:43because I'm getting a private tour with Dr Wafar.
05:46And in the world of archaeology, she's quite famous.
05:48This was not the end of life. This was the start, the beginning of a lasting, everlasting life.
05:55They took everything with them.
05:58The good example is the collection of Tutankhamun
06:00because this is one of the tombs which was intact as they found it.
06:05You know, the mummy was found in three coffins.
06:08One inside the other, kind of like those Russian dolls or a pass-a-parcel.
06:13Of course we have the wonderful mask here.
06:17Oh, that's very, very famous, isn't it?
06:19Yes.
06:20I think it's fair enough to say the Egyptians practically invented the idea of a parting gift.
06:25It's a serious business.
06:26Now that I've seen those, I'd be happy with one of those gifts, let alone 4,500.
06:30And it wasn't just the gifts they were burying.
06:33I even threw in the odd toilet or two.
06:35Oh, wow.
06:35You have the beetle or the scarab.
06:38So that's the dung beetle right there.
06:40Yes.
06:40It's part of Tutankhamun's second name.
06:43Pronounced Neb-ghi-peru-ra.
06:46Right.
06:46Yes, it seems the common dung beetle was held in the highest regard here.
06:50Its ability to roll, bury and lay its eggs in dung made it the perfect symbol for reincarnation
06:56and rebirth.
06:57Clever little crap, Carter.
06:59So that you would find the scarab or the beetle everywhere and jewelry and the scenes on the walls, everything.
07:07We had lots of gold.
07:08Egypt was very famous.
07:10For having lots of gold.
07:11Yes, but not silver.
07:13That's why gold was not so valuable like silver.
07:18Is it true the Egyptians basically invented paper, really?
07:22Yes.
07:22And what was the paper made out of then?
07:24Of plants, the plants which we call now papyrus.
07:29It's incredible to think that we're looking at a 3,000 year old story on paper that can still be
07:35read today.
07:36And I know what these are, but I didn't expect to see them here.
07:38There's boomerangs here.
07:40There you go.
07:41That's amazing.
07:43And like I say, in Australia.
07:45Nothing to comment.
07:48How's this for a cleaning job?
07:50You wouldn't be too embarrassed to tell people that you helped preserve 3,000 year old artefacts now, would you?
07:56Egypt was the earliest plumbing on Earth realistically from the Egyptians with the Nile?
08:00Exactly.
08:01You know, everything came from the Nile.
08:02It would be fair enough to assume that if all the water came from there, the earliest signs of plumbing
08:07really were probably from Egypt anywhere in the world.
08:10I mean, Egypt is the oldest, one of the oldest civilizations on Earth.
08:13Yes, yes.
08:14It's incredible.
08:15Maybe I could have had a job here 5,000 years ago as a plumber if they needed one.
08:19Look, thank you so much for taking me around, Doctor.
08:21It's been such a pleasure.
08:22And I love what you call work.
08:25I really like your office.
08:27Thank you very much.
08:28Did you know that in 2000 BC, the Egyptians came up with a form of birth control by using a
08:34suppository made out of crocodile dung?
08:37Did it work?
08:38I highly doubt it.
08:39Anyone who makes a habit out of snatching crap out from under a croc isn't going to live long enough
08:43to worry about kids.
08:44That's for sure.
08:49I figured Dad would be getting a little bit toey back at the hotel, so I took him for a
08:53look around the local bazaar.
08:55Bazaar, all right.
08:56Check this out.
08:58I promised my boy Jesse I was going to get him something from Egypt.
09:01But where do I start?
09:04I think Jess might be a little bit too big for a conker.
09:09Musical instruments and cameras there.
09:14Well, maybe I'll buy one of these little camels for Jess.
09:18Do you reckon?
09:19They look good.
09:20Don't you reckon?
09:25What did he say?
09:29What are you doing?
09:32He's speaking Egyptian.
09:33Talking to the man.
09:34But he's talking Egyptian.
09:36Yes.
09:37Well, I don't think he's going to understand Swahili.
09:39He's an Egyptian.
09:41How did you learn to speak Egyptian?
09:43If I've ever taught you anything at all, son, it's the scout's motto.
09:46Be prepared.
09:48Bahala Chakra.
09:52Mahasalam.
09:53See you.
09:54See you later.
09:55You come to these places, you've got to learn the linga.
09:57Well, son.
09:59Wait until Jess finds out that we brought him a camel with his granddad bargaining them down in
10:03bloody Egyptian.
10:04There you go.
10:05There you go.
10:07Coming up, Dad and I cop a private tour inside a tomb.
10:16Well, if me dad's gone to all the trouble of teaching himself the local lingo, I was beginning
10:21to think it might not be such a bad idea to have him around after all.
10:25I've got to say, I think the traffic lights must be a little bit more flexible here than
10:28what I'm used to with back at home.
10:30Have a look at this poke.
10:31Isn't it amazing just how different human life can be from one passenger to the next?
10:37Egypt is unlike anything I've ever seen.
10:40And clearly Dad was enjoying his time here too.
10:42Right up until our bus driver delivered a smack bang into the mummy of all Egyptian traffic
10:46camps.
10:47Bloody ridiculous.
10:48They are not moving one inch.
10:50It's like ordered chaos.
10:52As in, I'd like to order three series of chaos and one dollar per havoc.
10:56Where's the traffic police?
10:58Probably stuck in traffic.
11:00He's not going to get through this.
11:02Have a look at the cars.
11:04I tell you what, you don't need a handbrake, you need an anchor.
11:08We could be sitting here for a month, son.
11:10Now I love my dad, I really do.
11:11But I'd rather spend a wig in a bungalow full of bees than another minute in this bus
11:15with my dad in my ear.
11:16Let me tell you.
11:17Just have a look at the cars.
11:19Have a look at them.
11:24You'll notice they use their right hand when serving food here.
11:27In Egypt, they don't even have toilet paper.
11:30That's just for tourists or foreigners like us.
11:33So they actually use their left hand only for matters of the toilet.
11:38You shave your right hand just for like eating food or passing food or shaking hands.
11:41So make sure, remember, never use your left hand to pass food or something.
11:45No mate, you're going to have to pull me up on that one because you know what?
11:48My mum is not as flat as it used to be.
11:50I'm the monitor ball today.
11:51Just remember, right's wrong and left's right.
11:54No, left's...
11:55Just don't use the left-handed.
11:56It'd be great.
11:57If you can't get it right, what have I got?
12:00Left hand.
12:00You don't.
12:01No, you're right from your left.
12:02You don't have to move it.
12:03I'm 73 years of age.
12:05Just don't use the left hand.
12:06That's all the market.
12:07Yeah.
12:07You'll be right.
12:08So now that I've managed to completely freak Dad out, I thought it might be better to
12:12do my next meeting on my own stomach as I'm meeting up with Egypt's most famous archaeologist.
12:18Just remember, right hand only.
12:19Right hand only.
12:20Can't believe it.
12:21I'm here.
12:22Basically, I'm getting to the foot of the Sphinx.
12:24Now this is not where tourists normally go.
12:27Dr. Zahi Hawash is who we're about to meet.
12:29And he's a very, very important person.
12:31It's only because of him that we've been allowed to come this close.
12:35It's unbelievably exciting.
12:36The Sphinx is the icon of the whole world.
12:40I feel that the Sphinx is keeping the record of history.
12:44Yes.
12:44And that's why we have to keep the Sphinx safe.
12:48Now there was also, you've written that in fact the sewage in some way may be affecting the Sphinx
12:53that it's sinking or something.
12:54Is that true?
12:55You know, it's just sent by a tour guide who wants to be famous.
12:59Right.
13:00And he tried to make these stories in the paper, which is not true at all.
13:04The Sphinx is safe.
13:06You know, I was amazed to find out there was even a special burial site for one of the king's
13:10dunny cleaners.
13:11Yeah, there is a tomb for him.
13:12There is a tomb?
13:13The tomb of Diphen.
13:14And the king ordered the people to build his tomb.
13:17And one of the titles was the overseer of the king's stories.
13:22You're kidding.
13:23And he has a tomb of his own.
13:24And how different is that?
13:26You know, I was amazed to find out that pyramidiots, as the doctor likes to call them, have suggested
13:31that he has a secret tunnel from his toilet to the tombs.
13:34At my office in the pyramids, they believe that they go on that tunnel from my bathroom
13:40every day at 12 and I hide things and I come back.
13:43The doctor doesn't need any secret tunnels.
13:46It turns out he's got access to everything.
13:48Kenny from Australia.
13:49And he organised us, a private viewing of the Saqqara pyramids.
13:53Oh, yes.
13:55What's your head, Dad?
13:56I'm all bent over here like a bloody hairpin.
13:59Just a minute.
14:01What they do with my old mate Alec here.
14:03What?
14:04Alec bloody tricity.
14:05Dad, just a bit of respect.
14:07Just get it down, will you?
14:08Yeah, if I hook it down, we've got to go.
14:10Why didn't they bury shorter blokes?
14:12The only blokes that could get down here with any comfort would be Groucho Marx.
14:15No wonder Dad struggled to see anything down there.
14:18Have a look at him, will you?
14:19He's still got his sunglasses on.
14:21Oh, wow.
14:23Now we are inside.
14:27We now, you can see, cartouche.
14:31Of the name of the king.
14:33Titi.
14:34That's the Titi.
14:35T-T.
14:36T-T.
14:38All of this cartouche.
14:39You know, I wonder if the bloke had to make this wall of King Titi horoglyphs,
14:43enjoyed chiselling it as much as Toby here enjoyed saying it.
14:47I highly doubt it.
14:48Could you imagine?
14:51I've been carving for the Pharaoh.
14:54Oh, yes I have.
14:56You, make haste with the Pharaoh's carvings.
15:00Take it easy there, Titi.
15:02It's pretty intricate stuff, this.
15:04All those little links, see?
15:07Don't know why you blokes couldn't invent the push button system.
15:10Force chisel hits and I'd be done.
15:11But the Pharaoh must depart for the land of the dead.
15:14He's waited 70 years for you blokes to build his pyramid.
15:17Another 10 minutes isn't going to kill the man.
15:19Anyway, as far as I knew, I was just plum in this tomb.
15:23No one said anything about me doing the sign writing too.
15:28I'll be coming for the Pharaoh.
15:31Good as I am.
15:33There you go.
15:41It was amazing being inside an ancient tomb.
15:44I hope Dad wasn't getting any ideas for his future burial site.
15:47I don't think anyone would like the nasty surprise of digging him up in a thousand years time.
15:51Good as you did.
15:52How did he discover the tomb?
15:54That's incredible.
15:55Now, gotta try this again.
15:58Just watch your heads.
15:59Wouldn't want you to knock sense into yourself if you know what I'm saying.
16:05Coming up, Dad and I discover the sweet smell of stink in a bottle.
16:11Egypt is not just known for its pointy buildings and gift wrap mummies, but also for its odours.
16:16And I'm not talking about the ones that are on the nose.
16:18In fact, many of the world's best known perfumes owe their sense to the early Egyptian perfume traders.
16:24Hi mate, how are you going?
16:25How are you sir?
16:26Yeah, good mate.
16:27This is our family business.
16:29This shop has been building from 360 years ago.
16:33So your family's been doing this for 360 years?
16:35Yes sir.
16:36So, excuse me sir, what do you do for your living?
16:38For a job in Australia?
16:40I'm a plumber, so I work in the toilet industry.
16:43So I'm used to smelling quite a different odour.
16:46I smell, I don't know.
16:47Right, right, right, sir.
16:48I got your passage.
16:49It's enough.
16:50I got your passage, sir.
16:52This kind of bottles, you can use them in two ways.
16:54You can use it as a decoration, or you can put essence, not perfume.
17:02Essence inside.
17:03So essence is different from perfume.
17:06If I fire a match like this, and I spray the perfume.
17:10Oh.
17:10See?
17:12Gee whiz.
17:13Does that mean if a girl says, you know, how about we sit in front of an open fireplace,
17:17does that mean a whole head could burst into flames?
17:19No.
17:20No.
17:21Those are five local flowers.
17:24Chanel number five.
17:25Oh, that's Chanel number.
17:26What is it?
17:27Chanel, not Chanel.
17:28What am I saying?
17:28We use it for coughing or snoring during the sleep.
17:33Hello.
17:34Go ahead.
17:35Close your nose and your eyes together.
17:36There's a whole suburb of people in Melbourne going to be happy with this one.
17:39Take a deep breath.
17:40And that will stop you snoring during the sleep.
17:43For one night's sleep?
17:44Yeah, for one night's sleep.
17:46Do you sell that by the pellet?
17:47No, no, no, no.
17:48We have a special size fire.
17:50We have small teeny weeny bikini size.
17:53We have this size.
17:53Tiny weeny bikini, are they?
17:54Yeah.
17:55This size we have it.
17:57You ask for one week.
17:59And also it's to be easy to use to the mouth.
18:03I've got to admit, I was a bit overwhelmed by the odours.
18:06I'm getting the grease and oil change.
18:07I mean, the only fragrances this plumber's nose knows is that of Chanel number twos.
18:12Mind you, it wasn't really the fragrances we were here for,
18:15but rather the beautiful glass bottles they came in.
18:17One oil burner and three big bottles.
18:20Oh, there you go.
18:21Like this.
18:23What?
18:24Excuse me, how do you know these things?
18:26He's taught himself to speak Egyptian.
18:28Okay, which one, sir?
18:29No, it's all right.
18:29It's all right.
18:30I'll buy this one for you, mate.
18:31It's all right.
18:32All right, sir.
18:33Okay, all right.
18:34I will do for you.
18:35I offer.
18:35You can have any of this offer, any kind.
18:37Have the bottles free.
18:39Out they go at these crazy prices.
18:41Yeah, plus.
18:42Here, you will get two more big.
18:47I think the aromatherapy was definitely paying off,
18:49because I don't think I've seen Dad this happy since he won the Merserson Chook raffle for the second Christmas
18:54in a row.
19:00Where else are we going, Dad?
19:01We've been walking forever.
19:02See, that farmhouse over there, that's where your granddad died.
19:05I thought your granddad died at Trebrook?
19:07No, no.
19:08He was stationed in Trebrook, but like a lot of the diggers in the Second World War, he came over
19:12here to Cairo 1 R&R, and that's where he died.
19:16How did he die?
19:18Oh, him and a few of his mates got pissed one night, and they were racing camels up and down
19:21the main street.
19:22One threw him off on his dome, he never bounced all over Red Rover.
19:25Well, have you never told me this before?
19:27Well, if you'd have been bucked off a camel when you were half stung and lobbed on your head and
19:31died, would you want me to be telling people about you?
19:33I wouldn't think so.
19:34No, I suppose not.
19:38I think it's more dangerous here than Trebrook.
19:45According to this, this is pretty much it, Dad.
19:50What do you reckon this is where it was?
19:52Well, according to this it is.
19:54Well, that's the fence there, and that's the field.
19:56Yeah.
19:57Well, he said it was only a few metres from the gate, so I think he would have fallen.
20:02How are you?
20:02I think it's right here.
20:04This will be here, on this spot here.
20:26Moving finger rights and having rip moves on, and all by piety nor wit can lure it back to cancel
20:32half a line.
20:34Your grandfather's favourite poem, son.
20:39You know, you hang on to that, and for Christ's sake don't break it, because we're not going to be
20:43back this way again.
20:45Might be something to remember your old Popeye.
20:49They were amazing people, the Egyptian people.
20:53They seem to be thousands of years before their time.
20:56Yeah.
20:57Those pyramids, you know, that they're built, lining up with the sun, they tell me that if they tried to
21:04build them today, they couldn't do it.
21:06How come you never told me all this before that? I didn't even know you had that much of an
21:09interest in it.
21:09Well, I didn't know whether you'd understand it, my son. In your line of work, I didn't think you'd be
21:14interested in that pyramid.
21:17Well, the wrong sort of pyramid, you'd be understanding.
21:21We've had our little differences of opinion, you and I agree, but I've really enjoyed this. I really have. It's
21:27been a real treat.
21:29You and me and Egypt, who'd have thought, eh? Who'd have thought?
21:32You would have believed it, would you, mate?
21:34No. It's been great.
21:36Well, here we are.
21:37Now let's go and get a beer, eh?
21:42Well, folks, that's it for now.
21:44Join me next time when I investigate the sweet-sounding sewage of Cologne, frock up at the Oktoberfest, and visit
21:50Russia's very own space centre.
21:52There's some fantastic ideas in my life. This is clearly not one of them.
21:57So take care, be good to yourselves, and hey, give a stranger a smile, eh? Good on you.
22:04I can't see this without me glasses.
22:06Well, you don't wear glasses.
22:07That's why I can't see it.
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