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00:08Well, from Donuts, two guys who fall into other people's pools.
00:14This guy was wasted, apparently, in Florida, in Charlotte County,
00:16when he fell into a stranger's pool.
00:20He forgot where he lived.
00:21Oh, that happens, yeah.
00:23And took a wrong turn.
00:25And this guy off the top, he wants nothing to do with it.
00:28That story from one of our favorites at Gulf Coast News.
00:33I'd have shoved my boot so far up his ass, he'd be tasting leather.
00:38You are going to love this story.
00:40A drunk man has used to breaking in his cowboy hat.
00:42I'd shoved my boot so far up his ass, he'd be tasting leather, is what he said.
00:48Someone's lanai in Port Charlotte, then falling into their pool.
00:52Thanks for watching Gulf Coast News at 11.
00:54I'm Peter Bush.
00:55And I'm Christy Soto.
00:55So, deputies say this man told them he was so drunk, he got lost.
01:00Now, this is the distance from where the victim lives to where the suspect lives.
01:05They're about a mile away.
01:07Gulf Coast News reporter Madison Adams shares what the man told the family after getting out of the water.
01:14Charlotte County deputies say Christopher Zabricki claimed to be a CIA agent.
01:19How did he know he wasn't?
01:21Deputies say he drank so much vodka Thursday afternoon, he told them he forgot where he lived.
01:27Oh, yeah.
01:28Been there.
01:30Instead of going home to Winsome Avenue, he ended up in...
01:33This guy's the best!
01:34He is...
01:35He literally has a beer in his hand.
01:38He has a beer in his hand.
01:39Drank so much vodka, he forgot where he lived!
01:41Been there.
01:42Been there.
01:42Been there.
01:43Been there.
01:44Instead of going home to Winsome Avenue, he ended up on Monet Avenue, a mile from his house.
01:50And the couple that lives in this house told me a stranger knocked on their door asking to stay for
01:55a few days.
01:56They told him, go bother someone else.
01:59Instead of leaving, Zabricki made his way inside their lanai.
02:03Oh, yeah.
02:03I was...
02:03I'd have shoved my boot so far up his...
02:06He'd been tasting leather for a week.
02:08He's got a course!
02:08They called 911.
02:09What is she doing?
02:10Oh, my God!
02:10She said...
02:10Oh, my God!
02:12Hold on!
02:12Hold on!
02:14Hold on!
02:14What the hell?!
02:15So, yeah, she's interviewing a guy who's drinking a Coors Light as he's talking to her.
02:19And she's jumping on an inflatable unicorn pool float in a dress to do her news report.
02:28And her pearls.
02:29And her pearls.
02:30She didn't take her pearls off.
02:31Take your pearls off before going swimming, girl!
02:33Oh, my God.
02:35This story...
02:36This story's the best.
02:37You've got to check it out at DaveAndChuckTheFreak.com.
02:40Let's hear what Rusty Simplex has to say.
02:42Barbed his s*** and enticing leather for a week.
02:45They called 911, and moments later, they heard a splash!
02:49The stranger fell through their pool cover into the pool.
02:52She just soaked her crotch area!
02:53She looks incredible.
02:54They climbed out of the pool and knocked on the door.
02:57This time asking for french fries and a towel.
02:59She has a swim dress?
03:00French fries and a towel!
03:02They showed her feet.
03:03Yeah, she did.
03:05They never show your feet for free.
03:07Never show your feet for free.
03:09Never.
03:09She wanted it.
03:10She was ready for it.
03:12Not great looking.
03:13No, they ain't.
03:14I ain't paying for them.
03:16They're not Dave's.
03:17Exactly.
03:18Thank you, Cora.
03:20First of all, the story, even to take it, like, this is what I'm going to go report on.
03:24A drunk guy fell into a pool.
03:26We're going to go.
03:27We got to do a report.
03:29Yes.
03:30So then I put a swim dress on that I'm allowed to get wet, obviously, because she soaked herself.
03:36Get on a unicorn.
03:38Get...
03:39Blow it up.
03:40Yeah.
03:41And then order some fries, because they are needed for the story as well.
03:45Yes.
03:46Yes.
03:46Handed fries.
03:47Gamer fries.
03:49Yes.
03:49You might have missed it again.
03:50I missed this too much.
03:51It's too much.
03:51Let's go back through the whole recreation here.
03:53Here we go.
03:54One, and moments later, they heard a splash.
03:57Soaked.
03:57The stranger fell through their pool cover into the pool, then climbed out of the pool and
04:03knocked on the door.
04:05There we go.
04:05This time, asking for french fries in a towel.
04:08Fries.
04:09Oh, they missed the french fries.
04:11I know.
04:12I know.
04:12There was a lot going on.
04:14There was a lot going on, Lise.
04:17There was a lot going on.
04:18This is great.
04:19It is crazy.
04:20This story.
04:22Back to it here with Coors Lightman.
04:24Yep.
04:25No, no, no.
04:26Thank God.
04:27You don't want to be seeing them peckers there in your backyard.
04:31Deputies found some...
04:32What?
04:33What?
04:34I swear to God.
04:36He asked, was he nude?
04:37Oh.
04:38And then she said no.
04:39And he said, thank God.
04:40You don't want to be seeing them peckers there in your backyard.
04:44No peckers here.
04:45Why do I feel like they go on a date every time after this?
04:49I know.
04:49She dates every time.
04:52I feel like she only talks to the guys that she thinks are okay.
04:58Time asking for french fries in a towel.
05:01Was he naked?
05:01That was him handing her the fries.
05:04Thank God.
05:04You don't want to be seeing them peckers there in your backyard.
05:08Deputies found Zabricki sitting on a chair by the pool.
05:12They say he told them he held his breath underwater for three minutes.
05:16Damn, that's a long time.
05:18Pretty good.
05:19Taking him to the Charlotte County Jail for trespassing, disorderly intoxication, and resisting arrest.
05:25Oh, yeah.
05:26I've been to Shark Park one time before in their jail system there.
05:29They're all right.
05:33He called it, by the way, Shark Porlet.
05:36It is Port Charlotte.
05:37He's not.
05:38No, come on.
05:39He's wasted.
05:40Yeah.
05:40And resisting arrest.
05:42Oh, yeah.
05:42I've been to Shark Park one time before in their jail system.
05:44You can't.
05:44Like, Shark.
05:45They're all right.
05:46They treat you kind of nice, but, you know, sleep it off.
05:49Reporting in Port Charlotte, Madison Adams.
05:51I'm not hitting him right now.
05:52She is totally out with him.
05:53So, was it his pool?
05:54No.
05:55So, she just picked a guy and said, can you help me?
06:00Because I have to recreate this.
06:02He handed her the fries.
06:03It was the same shirt.
06:05He might be the delivery guy.
06:07What?
06:11That's the best story I've ever seen.
06:12Oh, my God.
06:13It is some of the craziest.
06:15All of the elements add up to crazy, and you have to check it out at DavidChuckTheFreak.com.
06:19The recreation is amazing.
06:22We've got to watch it one more time.
06:24They called 911, and moments later, they heard a splash.
06:28The stranger fell through their pool cover into the pool, then climbed out of the pool and
06:34knocked on the door, this time asking for french fries and a towel.
06:39Was he naked?
06:41No, no, no.
06:42Thank God.
06:43You don't want to be seeing them peckers there in your backyard.
06:48I mean, it's unbelievable.
06:50He clearly gave a fake name, too, right?
06:52Rusty Simplex.
06:53Look him up.
06:54There's no...
06:55I Googled it, and the only thing that comes up is, Rusty Simplex is a guy in an article,
06:58like a news story out of Port Charlotte.
07:01That's it?
07:01You mean Shart Porlet.
07:03Shart Porlet.
07:04Oh, my God.
07:06Unbelievable.
07:07I really think that she's smitten with the man and the cowboy hat.
07:12That's so funny.
07:14Rusty Simplex.
07:19You don't want them peckers there in your backyard.
07:22I'm Rusty Simplex.
07:23Honestly.
07:23Can you guys just refer to them as peckers from now on?
07:26I will.
07:27Peckers.
07:28When you call in, say peckers.
07:30Yeah.
07:30Shields change it up.
07:31Peckers, Lise.
07:32Peckers to you.
07:34Yep.
07:35Wow.
07:36We totally change it up.
07:38Stay simple.
07:39We used to say penis all the time.
07:40Now we just say peckers.
07:41Peckers.
07:42Peckers.
07:43It means high.
07:43That's the best.
07:45Um, yeah.
07:47She's crazy.
07:47I literally hope.
07:49She recreates every moment.
07:50If I was in every other newsroom across America, I would cue this thing up and make all of my,
07:58I'd be like, are you doing this well?
08:00Are you going far enough?
08:03You think this is the new standard?
08:05This is the new standard.
08:07Joe, we have to talk to her.
08:09We've said some stuff.
08:10She hates us probably.
08:12I know.
08:13She's hilarious.
08:14I know.
08:15She is.
08:15It's unbelievable.
08:15I just want to know about Rusty.
08:17Like, does she know Rusty?
08:18How did she find him?
08:19She knows him now.
08:22There was at least one pecker in that backyard.
08:24They ordered fries together.
08:26You got to wait.
08:27Yeah, come on.
08:28Her Facebook says she's single.
08:29Uh-huh.
08:31She'll soon be known as Miss Simplex.
08:34I don't know.
08:34No, I think it's like dust in the wind, you know?
08:38Yeah, Rusty ain't sticking around.
08:39How does this become a story that a guy fell in a pool?
08:41But thank God it did!
08:43I know.
08:43I know.
08:43It's hilarious.
08:44And the other thing is, I guess you gotta, like, all we have is a guy fell in a pool,
08:49and you gotta make it as big as you can make it, and that is what they do.
08:54She has made it as big as you can make it.
08:56And it's big.
08:57I think that was their top story, wasn't it?
09:00Was it their top story?
09:01That was their top story.
09:02Listen, they led the whole-
09:03You at 11?
09:05I'd have shoved my boot so far up his s***.
09:07He'd have been tasting leather.
09:10You are gonna love this story.
09:12A drunk-
09:12Yes, that's their top story.
09:1311-01.
09:14Top story?
09:14It's 11-01.
09:15A guy fell in a pool.
09:17Detroit!
09:18What are we doing here?
09:19This is what I'm saying.
09:20Let's get some better stories.
09:21This is what I'm saying.
09:22We got a bunch of-
09:23Man killed at carjacking.
09:25I would have terrible stories.
09:26Doctor murdered by gay hookers.
09:27Exactly.
09:28Can't we get some, like, chicks in pools and-
09:32Just a bunch of splish-splashing going on and-
09:35Lead story.
09:37We got too much real stuff happening.
09:38Oh, my God.
09:40Yeah, life's different, I guess.
09:42Yeah.
09:42Sharp, poor, rusty.
09:43We need more rusty simplexes.
09:46We need information on rusty.
09:47How does she find, though?
09:48She finds-
09:49Every time she finds a weird guy.
09:51Yeah.
09:52You know?
09:53Because they see a chick in a pearl necklace and a dress approach them, and they're like,
09:57Yeah, I'll talk to her.
09:59I'd make her ride hurt.
09:59He had a Coors Light in his hand.
10:02He did the news interview drinking a Coors Light.
10:05He did.
10:06That's a first, too.
10:07Oh, my God.
10:09Rusty.
10:10Man of your dreams right there.
10:12Oh, my God.
10:13All them footsies.
10:15Well, they showed the foot, too, right as it's, like, gripping out of the floor.
10:19Yeah, she's gripping.
10:19So it's the worst possible time to see a foot.
10:22Yeah.
10:22Yeah.
10:23Gripping action.
10:23You don't want to see him grip.
10:24No.
10:25You want him relaxed.
10:26Mm-hmm.
10:27She skips to the door to get-
10:29Her hair is soaked.
10:31Yeah.
10:32Well, she splashed herself.
10:33Oh, I know.
10:34Owl.
10:34Was he naked?
10:35No, no.
10:36She's giggling.
10:38You don't want to be seeing them peckers there in your backyard.
10:41WD.
10:42He looks like Maynard James Keenan a little bit, like a T-Mu version of the lead singer of Tool.
10:49Yeah, very T-Mu.
10:50Yeah.
10:50More she-
10:51Yeah.
10:53The Arizona version of him.
10:55Mm-mm.
10:56Anyway, again, check it out at davinchookthefreak.com.
10:59It is news theater like you've never seen before.
11:02It's really good.
11:02I did not expect to ever see that on the news.
11:06You know what?
11:07I mean, I guess we did watch the guy who got it right in the hot tub.
11:10That was pretty wacky.
11:12Yeah, but that wasn't as crazy as this.
11:14This is taking it to the next level.
11:16Yeah.
11:17You know they bought that unicorn, and they blew it up.
11:20Or it's Rusty's.
11:21He seems wacky.
11:22That's true.
11:23You think that's Rusty's place?
11:24I don't know.
11:24You don't think so?
11:25I don't know.
11:26Well, it's not the neighbor's pool, right?
11:29No.
11:29No.
11:30So she just found someone with a pool.
11:31This is Rusty's.
11:32It might be Rusty's place.
11:33It might be Rusty's.
11:34Rusty's got it together enough to-
11:35Listen, it might just be whoever I meet on Tinder that night.
11:39Mind if I film a news story of your place?
11:40You know what I mean?
11:41You got a pool?
11:43Yeah, I got a pool.
11:44Come on down to Shark Portland.
11:48Reviewing jails.
11:50Oh, my God.
11:51Yep, he's been there before.
11:53Rusty's got it past.
11:55Like, honestly, that's one of the funniest things.
11:57And if Rusty is putting it on, if Rusty's putting that on, then Rusty is amazing.
12:04Absolutely.
12:04You know?
12:05It's just like Rusty Simplex, a resident.
12:08That's not his real name.
12:10There's no way.
12:11Rusty, maybe.
12:12He's Rusty, probably, but not Simplex.
12:14But not Simplex.
12:14I love, I love it.
12:16I hope to God we find him.
12:19He doesn't deserve-
12:20If that is who knows, Rusty Simplex, who was on the news last night.
12:23I'll tell you this right now.
12:23Get him to reach out.
12:24I'd watch a whole show on Discovery Channel that Rusty stars in.
12:29Can't we message Madison and ask?
12:31I don't know.
12:32We can.
12:33We can send her a-
12:34Sure.
12:35We can.
12:35What's the deal with Rusty?
12:37How long have you guys been together?
12:39No, we can't send that.
12:41She'll never respond.
12:45Oh, man.
12:45Get to the bottom of it.
12:46I'll see you next time.
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