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00:10they call it magicians versus animals it's a beloved stage show at the sweet babylon casino
00:16now in its 30th year it started when magician joe milton was bitten by a rabbit during a routine
00:22hat pulling out of the crowd loved seeing an animal injure a magician and the footage
00:27sparked a media circus you hear about this rabbit mauled a magician yeah probably thought it was his
00:35mother-in-law we got a great show tonight lyle menendez is here the casino saw the profit to be
00:42had and over the decades the show slowly evolved into the all-out grudge match between illusionists
00:48and apex predators we know and love today
00:59it's been an honor to run a show that gives exposure to up-and-coming performers and pissed off
01:10animals magicians versus animals
01:27that is the one that is the one that gives out
01:44Come on, I'm on the trip
01:47You know I love you, baby
01:50Stop!
01:51Yeah!
01:53I love you too
02:00That's my friend Sheila. I know her. She works here.
02:05Okay, but what do you think?
02:07Pretty obviously animal abuse, right?
02:09I mean...
02:10Come on, it's obvious.
02:12And it's corrupting children.
02:13On my way here, I saw kids stomping on frogs, shouting, ta-da!
02:17As an advocate for animals, I cannot allow this show to exist for even one more decade.
02:22Well, killing animals on stage has been legal in Vegas
02:25ever since that famous prop comic glued all those birds together to create a fly ball.
02:31But there might be a way.
02:34Anything! No one else will take this case.
02:36You're my last choice.
02:38Wish people would stop saying that.
02:40Oh, here. Section 32A, paragraph 9.
02:43The Nevada Meat Council decrees all commercially slaughtered animal meat must be sold and consumed.
02:49No meat may be wasted.
02:51That is an abomination unto Carnito, the meat god.
02:55What does that mean?
02:56It means carnito willing.
02:58We're gonna win.
02:59Esteemed co-workers and glum.
03:02Mm-hmm.
03:02We're gonna be the firm that takes down magicians versus animals.
03:07Lincoln, you don't know what you're doing.
03:10MVA can't be killed.
03:11Just walk away now and save yourself a world of pain.
03:14Sheila, I would take all this a lot more seriously if I could only see you from the shoulders up.
03:20I just came from a funeral.
03:23Also, if I pull off a case this big, I'll be more famous than Harrison Chalk, the lawyer who successfully
03:29sued the moon for making people wistful.
03:32There was a folk song about him in the 70s.
03:34They used it to torture terrorists.
03:36Do you support terrorists, Sheila?
03:39No!
03:40I...
03:40Fine.
03:41But forget the meat law thing.
03:43It's our best lead.
03:44It's a dead end.
03:46Look, they could literally kill me for telling you this, but they've been running an insurance scam for years.
03:51Every time a magician gets maimed, they charge insurance for expensive hospital stays, but use cheap in-house medical care.
03:57And I would know.
03:58One of my fingers is actually a spray-painted gummy worm.
04:01Sheila, that's perfect.
04:02Meanwhile, glum, you and Irene go dig a...
04:05No can do, boss.
04:06Got my license suspended.
04:09I gunned my car in reverse at a drive-thru.
04:12They said it was a, quote, senior moment, even after I explained.
04:16It was only because I was scared and confused.
04:19On brand.
04:20And you, Irene, you don't have your license?
04:22No.
04:23Driving is for old guys in jeans who want to go buy Cialis and red Fender Stratocasters.
04:28I swear to God, go to driving school and get your licenses.
04:32Not only do I need you to be able to drive, but I feel like if you aren't with me,
04:38you at least need to be doing something visually interesting.
04:43Get out of here.
04:48This is really gruesome.
04:50I know.
04:52Ah, my old stomping grounds.
04:54I say stomping grounds because...
04:56Because you stomped flamingos' necks or something.
04:58I've learned how you talk.
04:59Look, it's the Great Bargassi!
05:01Great!
05:01It's me!
05:02Sheila!
05:03No autographs.
05:05That was very rude.
05:07Nah, it's fine.
05:08We magicians gotta get pumped up for the killing hour.
05:12Oh, that means the show's about to start.
05:14Let's grab our seats.
05:18And this doesn't look like the DMV.
05:20Yeah, that's because it isn't.
05:22The DMV's boring.
05:23I found us a way better place to get our licenses.
05:26The Autoverse.
05:28Yeah, I found it right after my, uh, grown-up asphyxiation message board changed its name.
05:36Ah, hello.
05:37And welcome, new citizens, to the world's first and only fully immersive driving school experience.
05:43My name is F. Mileage Richards.
05:45Ever since I was a boy, I was drawn to the stage with dreams of Broadway.
05:49But fate and casting directors had other plans.
05:53So, when my untalented father passed away and left me his driving school, I did the only logical thing.
06:00Turn it into a fully immersive town full of actors to teach automotive skills to teenagers and alcoholics.
06:06Where I'm the mayor.
06:08At a normal driving school, when you make a mistake, you drive over a cone and learn nothing.
06:13But at the Autoverse.
06:17When you make a mistake, you live the beautifully performed consequences.
06:23Oh, no.
06:24He was a doctor and one day away from curing cancer.
06:28Reckless driving didn't just kill him.
06:31It killed millions.
06:32Holy shit.
06:33This is so stupid.
06:35Right?
06:35I knew you'd like it.
06:37Now, let's hear it for your mayor, me.
06:41Thank you, me.
06:42And now I welcome thee.
06:44Into the Autoverse.
06:46That's it, baby.
06:48Let's go.
06:50Since time immemorial, man has sought to harness the dark secrets of magic to best his greatest enemy.
06:59Animals!
07:01Animals!
07:03Animals!
07:09Oh, yeah!
07:11This is what we came for!
07:13Ladies and gentlemen, happy 30th anniversary to magicians versus animals.
07:25Back Beast!
07:27Magic!
07:28To celebrate, we've got a few of cinema's famous magicians here to help out.
07:33Here comes Harry Potter, Gandalf, and Bernie Madon, the Wizard of Lies!
07:39It's Benny Amos!
07:41You shall not have!
07:43Hansi's come!
07:45Ah!
07:48Perfection.
07:49Here are your characters.
07:51Glem, from now on, you're John David Pressman.
07:55You're 47, have a wife, two children.
07:58You recently moved to our small town from the big city, and you're learning to drive for the first time.
08:03Got it.
08:03You've taken a drinking in the local tavern most nights, and you're just so full of this useless anger.
08:08You pick fights with stevedores that you have no intention of winning.
08:12Good for nothing, longshoremen.
08:13Can only talk with their fists.
08:15Cool!
08:16Who am I?
08:17You're Milkman Joe.
08:19You recently got kicked in the head by a horse, and now you have to relearn how to drive, cook,
08:24everything.
08:26Even going to the bathroom?
08:27Especially going to the bathroom.
08:30And now, without further ado...
08:32Places, everyone!
08:33Places, you hacks!
08:37Welcome...
08:38to the Autoverse!
08:54Ah, now this is an office to steal documents from.
08:58So atmospheric.
09:00I think they keep the forms in that filing cabinet.
09:02All right, but I'm going to savor this.
09:04Like, look at this messy desk.
09:08Pistol, a pint of whiskey, Sheila, I think I found your finger, and, ooh, what's this?
09:13Invoices for the sale of meat to somewhere called Delicious Restaurant?
09:18Weird name.
09:20But also, maybe delicious.
09:22Sounds legit.
09:23Told you to meet things at that end.
09:25Meanwhile, Shillpendous!
09:27Insurance, fraud city.
09:28Medical invoices all approved by a Gilbert Boar's head?
09:33That must be their guy on the inside!
09:35Dope work, Queen.
09:37Nope, sorry.
09:39Hold it!
09:46There are alleys in Vegas?
09:48You go right.
09:49I'll go left.
09:50We'll be back at the office.
09:56How much does he know?
10:01Excuse me, sir.
10:02The post office is about to close, and I need to mail my mother this box of medicine.
10:08Can you please parallel park my car for me?
10:11Oh, I see.
10:13Uh, no problem, good citizen.
10:15And you, young lady.
10:17Someone has kidnapped my infant son and said they'll kill him if you don't take this multiple-choice driving test.
10:23Incredible writing.
10:26The trick of parallel parking is to first close one eye, and then...
10:32Oh, shit.
10:34One second.
10:35I-I-I just gotta...
10:37Oh!
10:38I don't know any of this.
10:40Runaway truck zone?
10:41What are you running away from, trucks?
10:44Uh, hey.
10:46My mother doesn't need the medicine that badly.
10:49Maybe we could all discuss the fundamentals of a textbook 3-point...
10:53Shut up!
10:54I don't need you people.
10:56Irene, let's blow this snow horse town.
10:58But fog lights.
10:59Ten and two.
11:00Shut up, NPC.
11:02Clem, I got the medicine.
11:03Let's go trade it for weapons, eh?
11:05Woo!
11:06Woo!
11:07Let's go!
11:08Hey!
11:09Hell yeah!
11:10Woo!
11:10Woo!
11:11Here we are, at the address of Gilbert Boardshead.
11:18If you're here to kill me, guess what?
11:20I've already swallowed poison, moron.
11:23What?
11:23No!
11:24We-we just want to ask you a couple questions.
11:26Oh, oh.
11:27Come on in.
11:31Let me guess.
11:32You're going after magicians versus animals.
11:35You're making a powerful enemy.
11:38Yeah, well, I only have powerful enemies.
11:41That was supposed to sound badass, but I-I just made myself scared.
11:45I knew this day would come.
11:46Scam was too perfect.
11:48Force magicians to fight exotic animals,
11:50stitch them up on the cheap,
11:52and pocket the insurance payouts.
11:53So you were their inside man.
11:56Which I get.
11:56I've been inside a lot of men.
11:59Look, Gilbert,
12:00you can help bring this show down by testifying.
12:03And I can personally 100% guarantee you full immunity.
12:07Sheila, we can't offer-
12:08Deal, but I need protection.
12:09If anything happens to me, your case is dead.
12:12Dead!
12:15No, our case!
12:17And this man's life, of course.
12:21Looks like your case is as dead as me.
12:24A guy who is dying.
12:27Uh, Lincoln?
12:28We've got a problem.
12:29Oh, yeah.
12:30I was heating up the lean cuisine on a hot plate.
12:33Oh, no!
12:34My last words!
12:36We gotta go!
12:41One slice, two slice, pizza can't be-
12:45Okay, we've robbed the fake bank,
12:47broken up five fake families,
12:49and won the fake Super Bowl.
12:50Man, this is an intricate driving school.
12:52Yeah, I'm gonna see if I can get someone
12:53to enter a murder-suicide pact.
12:57Hello, new citizens.
12:59I've heard you've really been making a name
13:02for yourselves in our little town.
13:04Um, might I ask,
13:05what do you do when you see the sign?
13:07And I remind you,
13:08your time in this town legally counts
13:10as your DMV requirement.
13:11This is governmental harassment!
13:13Yeah!
13:14Hey, everyone!
13:15Your mayor is a freaking Gestapo man
13:19trying to make us talk about driving all the time!
13:21Yeah!
13:22I'm gonna say what we're all thinking,
13:25I should run this town!
13:27All hail John David Prostman!
13:30What do we do here?
13:31Do not break character.
13:33Make a motivated choice.
13:35As a failed dancer with authority issues,
13:38I say we overthrow the mayor?
13:42Take him away, Sheriff Milkman Joe!
13:46No!
13:47You'll all regret this!
13:49You're all committing so excellently,
13:50I am so proud of you.
13:52Let the wild rumpus begin!
13:56Okay, don't panic.
13:58I mean, sure,
13:58our only witness was just murdered in front of us,
14:01but maybe the insurance documents alone
14:04are enough to take these bastards down.
14:05Shit!
14:06The documents!
14:07I knew I forgot something!
14:09You left our evidence in the burning trailer?
14:12It wasn't burning yet!
14:13I know the rules of fire, Lincoln.
14:14I use it every day.
14:17I guess this is it.
14:19Not necessarily.
14:20I still have the receipts for the leftover animal meat.
14:23What?
14:23You kept those?
14:24I'm telling you, Lincoln,
14:26this meat thing is a dead end.
14:27And I know about meaty ends.
14:29I've been inside a lot of men.
14:30But look,
14:32every week they sell the exact same quantity of gorilla meat.
14:36Are you telling me they kill the exact same weight in animal meat every week?
14:41To the outs?
14:42Maybe!
14:43Carnita works in mysterious ways!
14:45It's the only lead we have left, Sheila.
14:48Are you with me on this case or not?
14:50Of course I am.
14:51Then drive to 739 Bubba Buivard in the Cornholio District.
14:58God, is everything in this town dumb?
15:00Bite your tongue!
15:01Staff Sergeant Byron Cornholio died defending your freedom!
15:06Look how empty it is around here.
15:08I mean, this place is obviously a front.
15:12Stop just saying things you heard on the wire!
15:14Shee!
15:23What the hell?
15:24It's completely empty.
15:26Is that music?
15:28Lincoln, seriously.
15:29I have a really bad feeling about what will happen if we go in.
15:34Woof!
15:35Oink!
15:36Tweet, tweet!
15:37The sound of a skunk.
15:40Samson?
15:41You're alive?
15:46Sheila, I...
15:48Why did you hit me?
15:50And why do I feel like my brain is doing...
15:53The problem?
15:55Because you're concussed.
15:56And your brain is bleeding.
15:58Because you couldn't leave it alone.
15:59Hey, wait!
16:00The gorilla!
16:01Sam...
16:02Olten.
16:03He was doing spaghetti instead of graveyard.
16:05Why?
16:07Because no one's killing the animals.
16:09They live better than you and me!
16:11Delicious restaurants with just a cover for meat law.
16:13So, magicians versus amnals is...
16:16Fake!
16:17It's all fake.
16:19The greatest trick in Vegas.
16:20And if people found out the show wasn't really killing animals,
16:23it'll all come crashing down.
16:25So, when they find out you were poking around,
16:27they tap me to lead you down the wrong path.
16:30I invented a whole fake insurance scam
16:32because I knew a conspiracy like that was pure Lincoln bait.
16:35Like a picture of Emily Blunt playing Settlers of Catan.
16:38That game's fun, and she has a stern beauty.
16:41I hired Lunch Meat to play the heavy to chase this out of the office.
16:44And to play THE Gilbert Boar's Head,
16:46I hired also Lunch Meat.
16:48He's very affordable.
16:50Then I faked his debt and destroyed the fake evidence.
16:53And you named him Gilbert Boar's Head
16:56because that's a Lunch Meat word.
16:58No, it's because Gilbert Boar's Head is an anagram of big-hearted labors.
17:03And I dig this big-hearted labor to protect the show I love.
17:06But we're, uh, business friends.
17:09You mean partners.
17:11Partners listen when one of them says,
17:13Hey, man, leave this alone.
17:15Just trust me.
17:16No one would have got hurt,
17:17and a bunch of endangered animals
17:19could keep eating their $50-a-plate spaghetti lunches.
17:21Now I gotta kidnap your dumb, precocious Harriet in the spy ass
17:25until this trial's over.
17:26$50 for pasta?
17:29That's what you're shocked by?
17:30Well, Ski-lo,
17:32a partner could have just told me
17:34about the gorillas and restaurants,
17:36and I would have dropped the whole thing.
17:38But instead, you did it secret.
17:42Seems like you're still more of a magic guy
17:45than my fellow law-scateer.
17:47I may be concussion,
17:49but I know that much.
17:50And I know one other thing.
17:56Oh!
17:57Ha!
17:58Even with blood-brain,
17:59I'm the smart one.
18:01I'm gonna tell everyone the truth
18:03and kill your dumb animal,
18:05show it also up yours.
18:08I don't know which way to go,
18:10but still up yours.
18:11Pizza, that's an eight.
18:17Your mayor will hear your complaints
18:21now.
18:22Lord John David Pressman,
18:24we are so hungry.
18:25Might we please venture out of the town for food?
18:28And if we should arrive at a four-way intersection...
18:30Next person who tries to teach me about driving
18:33spends an hour in the car of bees!
18:37Please, no.
18:38There's bees in there,
18:39and they sting you.
18:40Yeah, well, then anger not
18:41the mighty John David Pressman,
18:44unless you end up
18:45like your former mayor.
18:49Uh, hey, nonny-nonny,
18:51and a nonny-nonny, hey!
18:52Oh, what a fool I am this day!
18:55Enough!
18:56Begone, all of you!
18:58I must confer
19:00with my sheriff,
19:01Milkman Joe.
19:02Your excellency.
19:03So here's the deal.
19:05My secret Milkman police
19:06are rounding up dissidents
19:07and re-educating them
19:08to take left turns
19:09without signaling.
19:12Get him, Milkman Joe!
19:14But I want to go bigger!
19:15I think we can conscript
19:16the whole town into an army
19:17and expand our kingdom
19:18into the Meow Wolf
19:19art experience next door.
19:21I'm gonna take
19:21main Overland grad
19:23for the war husband.
19:25Let's see how keen
19:26their sense of whimsy is
19:28after building me
19:29a pyramid to die in.
19:31Man, I'm so glad
19:32I came here with you
19:33and not a normal adult.
19:34Come on, let me show you
19:35the catapult I'm building.
19:41Ah, come on.
19:43Dammit.
19:44How do I?
19:45How do I freaking do this?
19:50Irene, we gotta stop.
19:53What?
19:53Look, this ain't healthy.
19:55You're growing up,
19:56and that means doing stuff
19:58that doesn't come easy
19:59right away.
20:00I'm getting old,
20:02which means stuff
20:02that was easy
20:03isn't anymore.
20:05I mean, we've been
20:06doing autoverse shenanigans
20:07to avoid facing it.
20:09We gotta knuckle down!
20:11Get our driver's licenses!
20:13Okay?
20:15Can we still deploy
20:17an army of milkmen
20:18to destroy an art collective?
20:20Of course!
20:21I'm not Hitler!
20:31magicians versus
20:32animals!
20:36Hey, there's Sheila!
20:37Rehearsing with Rodney,
20:38Screamy,
20:39and some ants
20:39we call it the boys.
20:41Say hi, Sheila!
20:44All right, guys.
20:45Tonight,
20:46we try Sheila's new
20:47car drop kill.
20:48It's risky,
20:49but I believe in you all.
21:00Sheila's car drop
21:01was a hit.
21:02She'll be gunning
21:03for your job soon.
21:05Yeah, sure.
21:07Sheila has her place
21:08and it ain't running
21:09the show.
21:10We'll use her up
21:11and she'll move on
21:12just like all
21:13the other Sheilas.
21:28You gotta believe me.
21:30It's all fake.
21:32The animals love it.
21:34The gorilla gets spaghetti
21:35and boar's head
21:37is lunch meat.
21:38Your Honor,
21:39my lawyer is,
21:40I don't know,
21:41dying?
21:41I'm gonna allow this,
21:43but watch yourself,
21:44Mr. Gum.
21:45My daughter's stupid
21:46recital only lasts
21:47another 30 minutes
21:48and then I might
21:49not be so patient.
21:51The big shadow man's
21:52head was fake
21:53and he chased me.
21:54He chased me bad.
21:56Sheila Flambe,
21:57Mr. Gum's partner
21:59and I have some
21:59evidence to introduce.
22:01Sheila,
22:02don't do this.
22:03You're a magician.
22:04I'm a lost-gateer.
22:06Your Honor,
22:07I don't know
22:08what this evidence is
22:09or why the light bulbs
22:11are screaming,
22:12but I trust her.
22:14Whatever this is,
22:16it's important.
22:17Plus,
22:18it's got animals
22:19wearing clothes.
22:20Like people?
22:22Overruled!
22:23This is the truth
22:25about what goes on
22:26at Magicians vs. Animals.
22:33They're nice
22:34to the animals?
22:35I wanna die!
22:38We're ruined!
22:39Well, Mr. Gum,
22:41you accuse the defendants
22:42of violating meat law,
22:44one of our most
22:45sacred institutions.
22:46Then, instead of
22:47making your case,
22:48you prove that
22:49no animals are being harmed,
22:51no meat is being wasted,
22:52and possibly gorillas
22:54are being fed spaghetti.
22:55I dismiss this case
22:57and find Mr. Gum
22:58in contempt
22:59for wasting
23:00the court's time
23:00one weekend
23:02in the B-car!
23:05Where am I going?
23:06Somewhere good?
23:07Sheila Flambe,
23:09you've made
23:10a very dangerous enemy.
23:11Nuh-uh.
23:12You only know
23:12how to fake kill things.
23:14Come on,
23:14the great Bargassi
23:15has his place,
23:16and it ain't running a show.
23:18What are you,
23:19referencing something
23:19I said in the past?
23:21I don't remember
23:22everything I've ever said.
23:23Up yours!
23:24Yeah, up yours!
23:26Hi, Sheila.
23:27Sorry about the face sand.
23:29I'm glad we're
23:29still business friends.
23:33I could pick you up
23:34on Monday!
23:35So you,
23:36you get what you want?
23:37Well, you destroyed a show
23:39that was pampering
23:40its animals,
23:41and now I heard
23:41they're just gonna
23:43dump them on the street.
23:44Uh-huh.
23:45But you wanted
23:46the show killed,
23:46and you got it,
23:47so that'll be $20,000.
23:49Make the checkout
23:50to Gum and Flambe.
23:53Mr. Mayor,
23:54I believe this belongs
23:55to you.
23:56If you'll allow us,
23:58Milkman Joe and I
24:00would like to stay
24:01in your town
24:01and learn to drive
24:03safely and responsibly.
24:05Yeah, you're both
24:05banned for life,
24:06and I called the cops
24:0790 minutes ago.
24:08You fool!
24:08My loyal Milkman cops
24:10would never betray me.
24:13His fist smells
24:14like punch drywall!
24:15He's a real cop!
24:16Run!
24:24Okay, ease off the clutch
24:26and start to press
24:27the accelerator.
24:29Great!
24:30Now, start driving
24:31directly towards
24:32the barricade of actors
24:33trying to block us in.
24:35Yeah, they'll move.
24:37Good.
24:38Now, straight through
24:39the fence,
24:39into the desert,
24:40the cops will be
24:41looking on the road.
24:44Oh, and don't forget
24:45your seat, Ben.
25:05Starts with a sauce,
25:06the color of blood.
25:07They laid down their lives
25:08to protect and serve us.
25:09That dough,
25:10needed and proved
25:11like they proved their love
25:12for the red, white, and blue.
25:13Patriots, never forget
25:15the cost of our freedom
25:16was paid with death.
25:17Now, I'm free to party,
25:18having fun with my friends.
25:19Give me ooey-gooey
25:20cheesy pizza parties
25:20till the end.
25:22Having fun
25:25pizza party
25:26Good times!
25:30Having fun
25:33pizza party
25:36Good times!
25:40Don't want a hamburger
25:42Or a bunch of fries
25:45When I'm hanging
25:45with my buddies
25:46All I want
25:46is that pizza pie
25:48Don't want a nachos
25:50Or a nacho cheese
25:53If I'm hanging
25:53Chirp
26:11Goой
26:12What?ä¹…
26:41Every
26:48You
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