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00:10Victory ice cream, baby!
00:12Our tenth win in a row.
00:14Irene, I would have got you one, but they didn't have any Tim Burton-ass flavors.
00:17Just regular good ones.
00:18Just kidding.
00:19They did have Tim Burton-ass flavors.
00:22Blood Orange and Witch Hazel?
00:24When are we celebrating?
00:25We're on a hot streak.
00:26Our formula is unbeatable.
00:28Formula?
00:29Yeah, you know, lawyer, magician, I say fancy words, wear a suit.
00:33And then I do some black girl magic, a term I just now coined.
00:36I swear, it works so good, we basically don't even have to try anymore.
00:40Hold it now, and watch the hoodwink.
00:43As I make you stop, think.
00:47Ta-da!
00:50You'll think you're looking at Aquaman.
00:55We're crushing it so hard, nothing can mess up.
00:58Lincoln?
00:58Shush, Irene.
00:59I was saying, nothing can mess up this streak we're on.
01:02Good people of Las Vegas.
01:03I, Judge Bowman, am retiring at the end of this week.
01:06But before I go, I plan to break the world's record for most cases presided over by a judge.
01:11This feels great.
01:13I want more.
01:14What's the record for staring at the sun?
01:16I'm going for it.
01:20He moved up all your cases to this week and insists you speed through them so he can get
01:24his record.
01:24What?
01:25We have like 20 cases with him.
01:27That's impossible.
01:28Relax.
01:28There's nothing the formula can't handle.
01:30Yeah.
01:31Yeah.
01:32You're right.
01:34Hey, guys.
01:36Guess who has two thumbs, 11 toes, and can legally practice law again?
01:42I thought you got disbarred and sold your extra toe to that witch.
01:45Then I just reversed the decision.
01:47Guess that's what happens when the judge who disbarred you gets beheaded for treason.
01:51Oh, also, this lady was waiting outside.
01:54She seemed so sad I gave her my Tim Burton ass sundae.
01:57Excuse me?
01:58Are you Lincoln Gum?
01:59My name is Ines Ramos.
02:01My town needs a lawyer.
02:02I'm sorry, Miss Ramos, but we can't take on more clients.
02:06Wait!
02:06Hold on.
02:07Our firm has two lawyers now.
02:10This entire law firm has two lawyers?
02:13Uh-huh.
02:14What's the case, ma'am?
02:15Insurance, divorce, teenage son on camera doing Nazi stuff.
02:19A giant corporation has polluted our town's water supply.
02:23It's such a disaster that this film crew is already turning it into a depressing documentary.
02:30Please, will you take our case?
02:33I'd love to help, but...
02:35One sec.
02:35Hey, Trent, can we get in tight on this heartless lawyer before he turns her away?
02:39But let me introduce you to my associate, Glem Blurchman, Esquire.
02:44But you won't regret it.
02:45And sorry about my name.
02:47Okay, Glem is taking this high-profile case.
02:51What's the worst that could...
02:54Las Vegas is where people go to make dreams come true.
03:00But just a few miles away, my community is living a nightmare.
03:07All the dump sinks and all the city bars and casinos flow to a central pipe running directly under our
03:14town.
03:15Last month, that pipe ruptured.
03:17Now tap water in the average home is 120 proof.
03:22And everyone in this town is always drunk.
03:37We need a hero.
03:40You know, these young pups don't know it, but I used to run this town.
03:44My ads were legendary.
03:47Injured on the job?
03:48Hit and run?
03:49Bitten by a dog or a strange dog-like man?
03:52Got in your genitals?
03:53Caught in a hot tub, lava lamp or neighbor's motorcycle?
03:56I can handle all those cases.
03:59Plus four other kinds.
04:01Glem Blorchman got me a huge cash settlement when I got Mina Kleiner penis
04:05stuck in the motorcycle of a strange dog-like man.
04:09I guess you could say money equals Glem C-square.
04:14You mentioned my perfect writing, you pig!
04:17A-T-T-O-R-N-E-Y
04:19After I got disbarred, I had a rough couple of pairs of decades.
04:24Vegas hates losers.
04:35But one hand can turn it all around.
04:38And what a hand this case is.
04:40Greedy fat cats, sad women, and metric tons of liquor.
04:45It's classic Glem.
04:47Once I win, I'll be like Dracula.
04:50Dead and loving it.
04:53Except I'll be alive.
04:55Okay, Sheila, if we're gonna win, oh boy, several dozen cases in a week,
05:00we're really gonna have to lean on the formula.
05:02No more being breastfed.
05:03Got it.
05:04That's why I'm officially promoting you to uncertified paralegal.
05:09This is gonna work.
05:11Thank you for coming, Glem.
05:13And this beef girl is your bodyguard?
05:16No, this is my protege, Irene.
05:19I'm not Glem's protege.
05:20I'm his captive.
05:21I don't go to school.
05:22He makes me work out so I can do more manual labor on his alpaca farm.
05:26I just wanna go home.
05:28Kid, will you please just sign the like this waiver?
05:31Kid?
05:31How dare you talk that way to Barack Obama.
05:41Tragic.
05:42I've heard of alcohol being fun, but bad.
05:46It's especially hard on the children.
05:49Look.
05:50I just f***ing love Roblox so much, man.
05:55This is awful.
05:58He's right about Roblox, though.
06:00I've seen enough.
06:05Folks, ever since I started my legal career and then restarted it this morning,
06:10I fought for the little guy.
06:13Corporations do whatever they want, and people like us fall through the cracks.
06:17Now, those cracks are leaking backwashed vodka into your kitchens.
06:23And bubble baths.
06:25Baths.
06:27Baths.
06:27Baths.
06:28Well, that ends today.
06:31Today, Glem Blorchman fights for you.
06:36Cut.
06:37Trent, can we get that again?
06:39That weeping father was pulling focus from me.
06:43All right, we got a lot of cases to get this record,
06:45and we're not leaving until it's done.
06:47Court is now in session.
06:49Your Honor, for my opening remarks,
06:51I'd like to begin with a quote from Voltaire.
06:54Ahem.
06:54Man.
06:55Time.
06:56Prosecution.
06:56Closing statements.
06:57He did it.
06:58Jury.
06:59Guilty.
06:5920 years.
07:01What the hell just happened?
07:03Mr. Gum, Miss Flombey.
07:05Soaring rhetoric and complicated, wacky setups might help you win your weekly cases,
07:09but I have a record to break.
07:11If you want to help your clients, my advice is simple and to the point.
07:15Just like sex with my beloved wife.
07:17If you waste my time, I'm moving on.
07:19From the sex?
07:20Yes.
07:21Bailiff, what's our next case?
07:22The people of Nevada versus Lil Dickens, the viral TikTok baby who shot a police car.
07:28We're not ready for Lil Dickens yet.
07:29That baby guilty as hell.
07:30I've heard enough.
07:32That baby guilty as hell.
07:34Dang it.
07:39Glam usually gets his best ideas while drinking.
07:42It's where he got the idea for the underwear with a built-in washable condom.
07:45I said he should call them Thunderpants, but he went with winking Glam's secret contraption.
07:51Now, Mr. Blorchman, I quit the third grade to start this bar, but it seems to me like just to
07:57consider an environmental regulations alone, my...
08:01Jesus, what's with the crappy watered-down booze?
08:05How dare you?
08:06I never watered down a drink!
08:07This town has purity laws.
08:09If we watered down the booze, the government could shut us down.
08:13Government?
08:14Purity?
08:16Trivago!
08:17No, that's not right.
08:18What's this?
08:19This thing people yell when they think of something?
08:21Eureka!
08:21Yeah, they yell,
08:22I've got it!
08:23And I've got it!
08:26Your Honor,
08:27what separates a bar from a grill?
08:30A grill might serve loaded tots, but only a bar can serve alcohol.
08:36And my client's town is serving up alcohol and loaded tots, by which I mean drunken children.
08:45But bars can't serve just any alcohol, no.
08:49It has to meet certain purity standards.
08:52And this morning, I filed the papers to have Wet Finger Nevada, that's really its name, that's gross.
08:59I filed papers to have the whole town officially reclassified as a bar.
09:06You did what?
09:07Which means their liquor supplier, the defendants, are now illegally supplying them with watered-down booze!
09:16Oh!
09:18So, what's it gonna be, boys?
09:20Pay to fix this town's pipes, or pay even more to start pumping up full of top-shelf liquor.
09:28Glim-mit!
09:31A big, flashy maneuver so crazy, your opponent has no choice but to give up.
09:37Like I said, classic Glim.
09:39When Glim said that, he pretty much lost the entire case.
09:42I mean, even for a guy I'm pretty sure had a live crab in his pocket, it was a shockingly
09:46bad decision.
09:47The defense would like to file a countersuit seeking reimbursement for a product provided thus far in the amount of
09:53$4 million.
09:54Motion accepted.
09:55What?
09:56What just happened?
09:57Did I win?
09:57No!
09:58Not now, Linda.
10:01Okay, Sheila, the formula isn't working.
10:03We have to start trying again.
10:05Aw, man.
10:06You sound just like my infertile ex-husband.
10:08Nothing, don't worry about it.
10:09We have to just cut to that incredible last part of these weekly cases where we do something inventive and
10:14kind of stupid and then win.
10:15Hell yeah!
10:16Court is now back in session.
10:19Anderson versus Smokin' Joe's Barbecue.
10:21Ladies and gentlemen, my client is accused of attempting drunk bachelor party style public sex with an animatronic cow outside
10:28a barbecue restaurant.
10:30Which he did.
10:32Woo!
10:32My client's future is on the line, so I need you all to listen carefully to these important details.
10:38What is entrapment?
10:41The official slogan of the Las Vegas Tourism Board is, in Vegas you can get lucky anywhere.
10:47Any.
10:48Where.
10:49Even outside a barbecue restaurant.
10:51Telling that to a town where tourists are encouraged to get monumentally drunk and horny?
10:56That is entrapment.
10:58More importantly, who here heard a word of what I just said and who was busy staring at the objectively
11:04sexy cow?
11:07That is really entrapment.
11:10Displaying a mechanical cow so seductive that any of us would try to have sex with it?
11:16We rest our case.
11:19Not guilty.
11:20Cow robot sex man is a hero.
11:26Now, now, okay.
11:27Yes, some mistakes were made.
11:29You turned us into a bar.
11:32Now we owe them millions of dollars.
11:34And they made the alcohol more pure.
11:37Idiot!
11:38People!
11:39People, don't you see?
11:40I wanted this to happen.
11:42It's all part of the plan.
11:43See, in a case like this, okay, you want them to think nothing of you, right?
11:49That you're on the ropes and then, bam!
11:52A knockout blow.
11:54It's classic glam.
11:55But now, we're being countersued.
11:58And when I win tomorrow, we'll counter countersue for billions!
12:03Your Honor, last time we spoke, believe it or not, I made a mistake.
12:08A town can't be a bar.
12:10Yeah, if Wetfinger is a so-called bar, then, legally, no children can be allowed inside its borders.
12:18And that means no smoking, no nudity.
12:21You'd have bouncers instead of cops.
12:24Instead of houses, people would live in, I don't know, jukeboxes.
12:28So, unless you're prepared to force the town of Wetfinger to enforce all those horrific...
12:36So, we lost the suit and the countersuit.
12:39On the bright side, I hear the strip-mining colony that all the children were taken to is really thriving
12:46under the leadership of a strong 12-year-old named Big Randy.
12:50So...
12:50I guess Glem ruined another town.
12:52This is just like the time he sold a defective monorail to that one city.
12:56Oh, what was it? Springfield?
12:58Yeah, I told him. Glem.
13:00Don't have a cow, man.
13:01But he wouldn't listen. Just kept eating that crusty barracker.
13:04Check with legal, but I'm pretty sure we can't use any of that.
13:07Oh, you can't?
13:10Ay caramba.
13:12There he is. The anti-god who stole our children.
13:16Hey, now! That's a little honestly accurate.
13:20Hey, you guys mind if I play this medley of Beatles hits?
13:24Again, Irene, we can't clear...
13:27I want Jesus to help it lead.
13:36And I'm on my...
13:42Okay, you're suing Mega Jug Strip Club because you, as a visually impaired customer,
13:47need to be able to touch the dancers in a process you call...
13:51Titty Braille?
13:52That's right. They gotta let us blindos have a feel.
13:56Otherwise, it's discrimination-like.
13:58Well, that's a very compelling argument.
14:01Are you crazy? You could've killed me!
14:03Uh, I mean, uh, who threw that? A white dude?
14:07Your Honor.
14:08Dismissed.
14:09You say your husband died of natural causes, correct?
14:12Yes! It was, like, so sad.
14:14That's interesting, because...
14:21Oh, my God! Jeffrey's vengeful spirit!
14:23It's true. I forged a new will and I had him killed.
14:28Uh, this was an inheritance case, but, Your Honor?
14:32Another win, Mr. Gum!
14:34Bailiff, take the witness to Lady Jail and the dog to Dog Jail.
14:37Would you look at that one last case and it's a measly parking ticket!
14:41Whoo! The record is as good as mine!
14:45Congrats, even though you could've delayed your retirement by, like, a month and done this normally.
14:49Shut up! Because of me, you two have tied the all-time record for most court cases won in a
14:54day.
14:54Damn! I guess we make a great team.
14:56You're as good as I am out there. Really makes my law degree seem fucking pointless.
15:02Well, tragic news, everybody. The assistant DA for our last case got in a hot air balloon that wouldn't stop
15:08going up.
15:09So, Flambe, you're the prosecution now. Bam! You're a lawyer! I can do that, like a ship's captain.
15:15It's a lifetime appointment, too. Unless I get beheaded.
15:19Anyway, let's wrap this up. And I guess whichever one of you wins this next one also gets the record.
15:25Any last words?
15:26Before I make you the second best lawyer in history?
15:29Before I make you the second lawyer named Lincoln to get killed by a disgruntled performer.
15:33That was a long walk.
15:35That's what these legs are good for, Gum.
15:40There you are. You're missing all the fun in the strip mining town.
15:43Boy, oh boy. They weren't kidding. Big Randy really was born without pity.
15:47Yeah, I might as well go be Big Randy's butler. What else good am I to society? I'm a loser.
15:53Aw, come on. This is just a speed bump. Classic Glam, remember?
15:58This, Irene? This is classic Glam. Lose two lawsuits at once, create a hell town full of child marauders out
16:06of a knee.
16:07I need to prove I'm the smartest guy in the room.
16:09It wasn't about winning or losing. It was all about me. Classic Glam.
16:14Ow! Why are you punching classic Glam?
16:17Ugh, you dick. I was having fun messing with the movie nerds. Now you're making me be all heartfelt and
16:22sincere, you absolute chode.
16:24Who got Lincoln out of trouble when his airplane anxiety attack was so bad the air marshal thought he was
16:29an ISIS?
16:31Glam.
16:32Who tricked the Catholic Church into canonizing him, the patron saint of single moms?
16:36Glam.
16:37Who got my third grade bully involuntarily drafted by the Navy?
16:40Well, I'd like to think that was more of a team effort.
16:43I never knew the so-called classic Glam, but the Glam I know is willing to go to the weird,
16:48gross places no one else would to make sure the buttholes don't win.
16:51And even when you're a disaster, you're a disaster for the right people.
16:56A disaster?
16:58Trivago! Irene, you're a damn genius! Follow me.
17:04Uh, Sir Judge? Judge Horsepenis?
17:07Reynolds, and yes.
17:08Listen here, you. I want to appeal the wet finger case.
17:12Okay.
17:13Wow. Just like that?
17:14Yes.
17:15I thought I was gonna have to do a big speech. Can I do it anyway?
17:18I suppose.
17:20Ahem. Chickity China. The Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain. It's just chicken.
17:26Okay. See you Monday.
17:29Now, as you can see in Exhibit M, the wheel is exactly six inches from the curb where the city
17:33alleges my client is 6.1 inches from the curb.
17:36Mr. Gum, is this really necessary?
17:38Time! Jury, may I direct your attention to the plaintiff who claims he did not pay his parking meter because
17:43he, quote, never carries change, when in fact he has a fortune of coins.
17:48Besides, it was after 8 p.m. when he parked.
17:51Leap days! When the city ordinance was drawn up, Nevada had yet to institute leap days, which means relative to
17:56the date of implementation, it was Sunday, not Saturday, meaning parking was free.
18:00Pay no attention to my opponent. He's high on his love of illegal pornography.
18:06Order! Order! Please, for the love of God.
18:09Motion to cross-examine and defense.
18:11Fine. I don't care anymore.
18:12Mr. Gum, would you describe yourself as an expert in parking law?
18:16I've been talking about it for 11 hours.
18:19Then you know the difference between right and wrong.
18:21I believe in my client. I believe in the law. God damn it, I believe in this country.
18:25Is that the truth?
18:26Yes, and I can handle it. It being the truth.
18:29Then why do you, Lincoln Gum, yourself have an unpaid parking ticket?
18:34If you're lying about one thing, what else are you lying about?
18:38I rest my case, Your Honor.
18:39Yes! I have the record! I am God!
18:47If it isn't State Supreme Court Justice Eileen Evans, here to celebrate my record.
18:54No! I heard about this weird court case marathon. None of it is constitutional.
18:59All of these cases are officially mistrials, and I sentence you to death by beheading!
19:04No! My record! Also, I want to be alive!
19:09Holy shit, Sheila. You really got my ass.
19:12Only after you got mine. God! I feel incredible! We wanted to destroy you!
19:17I wanted to destroy you! With my mouth. Words from my mouth.
19:23What do we do with all this energy?
19:26Well, got that out of the way.
19:27Yeah, good game. Good game.
19:32Sorry I'm late. I had to stop off for some refreshments.
19:36Your Honor, hasn't Mr. Blorgeman wasted enough of this court's time?
19:40No, she's right. I have been wasting time coming up with flashy stunts instead of helping my clients.
19:48Wet Finger isn't a bar. Or a documentary. Or a Mad Max Society of Alcoholic Children. No.
19:57It's a town full of people who matter. A town. These casinos have turned into an ecological disaster.
20:07Please. First it's a bar, now it's a disaster site. Your Honor, people have been safely living in Wet Finger
20:12for months.
20:13Safe, huh? Well, then you wouldn't mind drinking a cup of their tap water.
20:17Not at all.
20:19Just a sec. Doctors recommend eight glasses of water daily.
20:29I can't.
20:31But I can.
20:39Uh-huh.
20:42Your Honor, my best friend is a little kid and she motivate me to come here and be a big
20:50man.
20:51Now, they thought my friend was in ISIS. But he's, he's a good guy. He's a good... I'm so full
21:01of anger, law man. I want to kill my uncle and you.
21:10No, my pants hurt me. Why'd they hurt me? I love you guys. I hate you. I hate you.
21:27Help me. I just want pants.
21:33Can you open it to the guy?
21:37No! Look at me, Judge. I'm a walking catastrophe. I'm a human glimzaster. And any town that turns people into
21:48me is a crime against nature.
21:51He's right. No person should ever subject themselves to the risk of becoming like this man. Your clients have turned
21:59this town into an ecological glimzaster. I'm lifting the fines, the company must pay restitution, and I'm issuing a recommendation
22:06that FEMA intervene on this legally recognized disaster site.
22:11Yeah!
22:12So, yeah. Glem rules, actually. Also, I've been lying to you guys this whole time. I'm glad I'm his protege.
22:19We know. And now you have an arc. You're probably gonna be the breakout character of this duck.
22:24God damn it!
22:24So, at first, we thought Glem was our savior. Then we thought he was a disgusting worm. But he's both.
22:33He's our disgusting savior worm.
22:35So, I completely ruined my reputation with that get drunk and act pathetic move. But I helped these people. I
22:43won by losing. Classic Glem.
22:47Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm pretty sure that booze water is still killing me.
23:01Another crazy day in court. Pretty cool move, huh? Getting the whole town turned into a bar, yeah? I feel
23:07like this is a slam dunk. And aye! Caramba!
23:11Glem, what are you doing here? I thought the whole documentary thing was over.
23:15What? Just because you finished your thing, I automatically finish mine? It's been like two days. Nice genitals.
23:21Oh, my God! Thank you.
23:51How about нельзя?
24:09If so, we will lose a karma...
24:10How do we get fired tak�k?
24:11I'm Miss Maristlli and Fawn Alex.
24:14Got the surt makins polyvolution.
24:15I'm mesmerizingthon's FROM mow,
24:20You can watch our lookout for anreat.
24:21How was capsule, I'd written anrepresented.
24:21Chirp.
25:20Chirp.
25:26Chirp.
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