- 6 minutes ago
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00:00You bloody idiot! Can you not see I've got a dog with me?
00:21Right, you're all here. One, two, three...
00:24Oh, it's nearly enough. Come on, come on.
00:26Come on, let's get that...
00:28Stop pulling, you.
00:29Stop it!
00:31What's going on here?
00:36Come on, we're going back up this way.
00:38Get back on the pavement. Come on.
00:40Of course he's late. He doesn't know what time is.
00:43I'm going to have to go. It's a shame.
00:46I think you've had a lucky escape, to be honest.
00:48Why do you want any more of him in the book?
00:50Michael, I hate to say this, but every time he pops up in the book, it's wonderful.
00:54He's a character.
00:57Yes.
00:59Yes, he is a character.
01:01The book just springs to life. It's suddenly so full of fun and energetic, it crackles with life.
01:09Do people really want to read a book like that?
01:11Yes.
01:15Yes, they do.
01:18Just fill him in a bit more.
01:20Like you said he was an actor at one point?
01:22That's what he told me.
01:23I've got him a job in a radio play. The director will never work again.
01:26It's not funny, Sheila. He brings chaos and misery wherever he goes. It's really beginning
01:33to get me down. I think I've had quite enough of Count Arthur Strong.
01:37Hello, Michael.
01:38Hi.
01:41It's eggy.
01:42I'm late.
01:44Love you. See you.
01:51You are waiting for a woman.
01:54I met a woman. Just there.
02:01I was right. I have the gift, you see. The second sight.
02:05The shadow of death.
02:15What?
02:17The shadow of death is here.
02:21What do you mean?
02:22You are in great danger.
02:25Why am I in danger?
02:27Come on, you bloody baby.
02:29Get him.
02:30What's going on?
02:32I've got my dog walking today. You knew that.
02:34Oh, and I tell you what, they've walked me bloody legs off this lot of.
02:37And you have to pick up all the mess.
02:39Arthur, you can't bring a bag of poo into a cafe.
02:44Why not?
02:44Oh, don't tell me.
02:46Bloody Brussels.
02:48No, it's not Brussels, Arthur.
02:50It's everyone.
02:51Everyone agrees on that.
02:52Katya, my Polish princess, I'll chat to you later.
02:56Something big's come up.
02:57Here, I need a favour.
02:59I need you to hold on to these.
03:00What? Where are you going?
03:01The owners will be by to pick them up.
03:03Um, I'll have your umbrella as well.
03:05Arthur, don't do this!
03:06Don't do this for me!
03:08Arthur?
03:10Oh, I don't think Bunn will like you bringing them dogs in.
03:12I haven't brought them in.
03:13Unless they're guide dogs.
03:15Hey!
03:16You can't bring all those dogs in here!
03:17I didn't. I haven't.
03:18I think they're guide dogs.
03:20You can't bring dogs into a cafe!
03:22I think you can if they're guide dogs.
03:23They're not guide dogs!
03:25Does this look like a guide dog?
03:27No, look, take them out now! Move, move, move, move!
03:31They're not mine. They're Arthur's. I'm holding them for him.
03:33There's no dogs allowed in a cafe!
03:34This is a cafe!
03:35What's this?
03:36That's not mine! I have nothing to do with that!
03:40Thank you very much.
03:41That was great.
03:43Really, really good.
03:44That's very impressive.
03:45That's really good.
03:46It's really good.
03:47So it's a dog act?
03:53No.
04:00Well, it's not a dog act per se.
04:02I mean, there's two of us up here.
04:04So it's a dog and a human act.
04:06I'm sorry, I pointed the wrong way around then.
04:08Human dog.
04:10Yes.
04:11Oh, but what I would make clear at this moment
04:13is that the dog is very much the junior partner in what we do.
04:17So I'll ask you to address any future questions to me.
04:21Right.
04:22He's not the brains of the operation.
04:24No offence.
04:25I mean, dogs don't have much of a brain, do they?
04:29If they did, they'd be ruling the world,
04:31riding round on horses with machine guns,
04:34like the monkeys did that time.
04:37I'm glad all that's blown over.
04:41Oh, sorry.
04:43Go on.
04:43I've just started thinking about monkeys' bottoms then.
04:45You know, the red ones.
04:48Horrible.
04:50I wouldn't be able to get that out of my head now.
04:55Should I start then?
04:58Yes, I know I'm not the man.
05:00I'm obviously a different man.
05:01He gave me the dogs.
05:04I don't know why you're all taking it out on me.
05:05Anything you can do, I can do better.
05:11I can do everything better than you.
05:14Yes, I can.
05:17Yes, I can.
05:18Yes, I can.
05:19Yes, I could.
05:21I don't drink from a bowl.
05:23That's not how I roll.
05:25I don't know what to say to you.
05:43This is the last dog.
05:43But that's not Bugsy.
05:45I know, but it's the only dog I have.
05:48Where's the bloke that I pay to walk him?
05:50I don't know.
05:51Well, that was a waste of bloody time, wasn't it?
05:54Your problem is you have no ambition.
05:57How hard can it be to hold me by the hand and dance around like a little gentleman?
06:02I don't know.
06:06I'd say you'd get him here.
06:08Not using you again.
06:12Where were you?
06:13I've been threatened with legal action.
06:15Who's that then?
06:18What do you mean?
06:19He's not one of the dogs I have.
06:21What?
06:21He's not one of my dogs.
06:23Well, you gave him to me.
06:25Did I?
06:26Must have picked an extra one up at the park.
06:29Do you want to buy him?
06:30No.
06:31You have to get it back to its owner.
06:33Well, check the colour, see if there's a number or something.
06:36Hey, there might be a reward.
06:43Don't think he wants me to.
06:44Hang on.
06:45I'll do a bit of dog whispering.
06:54Shut up.
06:54Now, try.
06:59Ow!
07:00Ow!
07:01It bit me!
07:03It bit me!
07:07It always looks uncomfortable to me.
07:09It looks sore, doesn't it?
07:12What, my hand?
07:13No, monkey's bottoms.
07:15You know, the big red ones.
07:17The ones that look like a parachute started to come out.
07:21I wouldn't like to sit on that if I had one.
07:26What are you talking about?
07:29Monkey's bottoms.
07:30How is the book coming on?
07:33I don't want to talk about the book.
07:35I just want to concentrate on getting to the hospital with my mutilated hand.
07:39Oh, go on.
07:40I don't know why you don't let me have a look.
07:42Why are you coming with me, anyway?
07:45Can't you ask me to come?
07:51Why has she come?
07:53I don't know.
07:54Oh, God, I hate all this.
08:02What?
08:03All this.
08:04I hate hospitals.
08:05I hate doctors.
08:06I was a doctor once.
08:09What?
08:10Oh, yes.
08:11A very good one, too.
08:13What sort of doctor?
08:15They never told me.
08:17What are you talking about now?
08:19I was in an episode of emergency ward something.
08:23I was doctor two.
08:25I was supposed to be doctor three, but they bumped me up when the other one got irritable
08:30owl syndrome.
08:33I had a line in it and everything.
08:37Go on.
08:38What?
08:39Let's hear it.
08:40Let's hear the line.
08:51It's outside my area of expertise.
08:54I'm afraid.
09:07Arthur?
09:07Arthur?
09:09How did you come to believe that you could act?
09:13What?
09:14This is how you say that.
09:16It's outside my area of expertise, I'm afraid.
09:18No, no, no.
09:20It doesn't sound as if you're afraid of anything if you say it like that.
09:24He's not afraid of anything.
09:26What's he saying it for, then?
09:28It's a phrase!
09:29He's not saying that he's afraid of things that are outside his area of expertise.
09:34That's not a frightening thing.
09:36Oh, what would you do?
09:37I know more than you do.
09:39I'll tell you that.
09:39You playing a doctor, I'll tell you what that is.
09:42That is miscasting.
09:45You're more of a crazy grave digger.
09:47You're a village idiot.
09:50What you're not is anyone that people might mistake for a person in authority like a doctor.
09:55You can't act, Arthur.
09:57You can't act.
09:59That is the dog that bit you're talking.
10:07You don't know what you're saying.
10:12That's a safety hazard!
10:13That's a safety hazard!
10:29What is that?
10:43Oh, of course.
10:47Oh!
10:48Come on, I know you're in there!
10:52Ha-ha!
10:52I got you!
10:54Oh, where's that gone now?
10:56Everybody up, come on!
10:57Oh, no, it's over there.
10:59Argh!
11:07Argh!
11:19Argh!
11:27Argh!
11:29Argh!
11:33Argh!
11:39Argh!
11:43Argh!
11:49What's going on with this?
12:14Why are you here?
12:21You can go home. There's no reason for you to be here.
12:25Katya wants me here.
12:27Why is she here?
12:28I'm the one who needs to see somebody.
12:34No, I've had enough of this. I'm going to see what's what.
12:36No, don't. Leave them alone.
12:40Do you know how long she's been waiting?
12:42You'll be seen as soon as possible.
12:46Katya, why are you here?
12:48I would never pass uplift to the hospital.
12:52Is there actually anything wrong with you?
12:53No.
12:54Right.
12:55I'm sure the doctor will find something.
12:59I actually do have something wrong with me.
13:01Yes.
13:02My hand.
13:02Oh, that too.
13:04Yes.
13:06What?
13:07Katya, sir, it's Scott.
13:09Bingo, here we are. Come on, Katya, it's you.
13:11Don't believe this. She's only here recreationally.
13:15Michael Baker?
13:16Yes, here. Thank you.
13:25Right, then.
13:27I'll just sit in here by myself, then, shall I?
13:30Don't worry about me.
13:34Yes, good idea.
13:38I'll have a look at the magazine.
13:39Come on, these bloody chairs.
13:48There's a disgrace.
13:49You're right to bring your own.
13:51I wish I'd thought of that.
13:54Right.
13:55See what rubbish is in here.
13:58Jordan.
13:59Oh, dear.
13:59Look at the state of her.
14:01Why I talk to my boobs.
14:04Dear, oh, dear.
14:07And to think she's got the nerve to call herself somewhere out of the Bible.
14:12Now, where do you find out why she does it?
14:16Hmm.
14:18The fight's really quite deep.
14:20What sort of dog was it?
14:22Um, I don't know about the different types of dogs.
14:24Oh, what happened to the dog?
14:26It ran off.
14:27Why should I have brought it?
14:29It was a good job you came in quickly.
14:32You're going to need a tetanus shot,
14:33and we may need to take a blood sample.
14:36What? Why?
14:37Well, we don't know anything about the dog that bit you, do we?
14:41Better to be safe than sorry.
14:44I'm not in any danger, are we?
14:45No, it's really just for my own curiosity.
14:49Nothing to worry about.
14:52I'm following your finger.
14:53Yeah?
14:53I'm following your finger.
14:54Well, haven't you got any cushions?
14:56No!
14:58Scandalous.
14:59Suppose someone came in with a bottom like one of those monkeys.
15:03I wish I could stop thinking about that.
15:06What would you do then, eh, if one of them came in?
15:09Chairs like this should be against the Human League Convention.
15:14There's no friction on them.
15:16I keep sliding off.
15:18My thighs are killing me.
15:20I'm having to support all my own G-force.
15:23Look!
15:23Look!
15:24You can sit in the patient's waiting room.
15:26How about that?
15:28Er, Geeta.
15:29Just behave yourself, all right?
15:32I'll be as quiet as a mouse.
15:33No one will even know I'm there.
15:35Ah!
15:36Will you please get away from me?
15:41So, they're the same seats.
15:43What's in here?
15:44What's in here?
15:48What's in here?
15:50Oh, my God.
16:20Well, it's more commonly known as rabies.
16:28Rabies? I have rabies!
16:30No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's, that, that's not what I said.
16:33No, I just, I just need to do a biopsy, just to rule it out.
16:37Rabies! Rabies!
16:40I thought you got rid of that in the 70s.
16:43Seriously.
16:43I don't believe it.
16:44Seriously, there's nothing to worry about.
16:47I mean, in the highly unlikely event that it is what I think it is,
16:51um, well, if you catch it early, it's rarely fatal.
16:55Who's this?
16:56The police sent a sketch artist.
16:58We may need to put out a description of the dog.
17:01He's going to kill me.
17:03He's not going to stop until he's killed me.
17:04Lollipop.
17:08Good afternoon, everyone.
17:36Ah, I see, yes, we have a few new faces here today,
17:40so I'd like our team to make the new arrivals feel as welcome as possible.
17:44Thanks a lot.
17:45Oh, hello.
17:49Leo, lovely to meet you.
17:51Right, good.
17:54Lots to do, so I suggest we take a two-heads-better-than-one approach,
17:58pair up with someone, and let's be as helpful as we can to our, um, newbies.
18:02You seem to have a spare, Doctor...
18:09Doctor Two.
18:10Hello.
18:12Doctor Two?
18:14Unusual name.
18:15Yes, it is, isn't it?
18:16Are you a stray, then, are you?
18:18You could say that.
18:18Oh, God, God.
18:31Oh, Katya.
18:34What are you doing here?
18:35The doctor found something wrong with me,
18:38so it wasn't a wasted trip.
18:40How are you?
18:40I'm not great, to be honest.
18:43It's two o'clock.
18:45I've been here for hours.
18:47Katya, you remember when you talked about the shadow of death?
18:50Oh, yes.
18:52And then Arthur came into the cafe.
18:55Is it Arthur?
18:57Is Arthur the shadow of death?
18:59No, no, no, no.
19:01I got it completely arseways.
19:05Arthur's not the shadow of death.
19:06Quite the opposite.
19:09You know, every day I come to Bulan's Cafe.
19:13There are many cafes closer to where I live,
19:15but I choose Bulan's.
19:17For the soup?
19:19The soup is good, but it is not for the soup.
19:22I come because every time Arthur calls me his Polish princess,
19:28I feel like I'm 20 years old again.
19:32I know he's frustrating.
19:35I know he's impossible,
19:37but I feel I wish everyone could know him a bit.
19:43Life seems too long when there is no Arthur.
19:49Katya, I think he's going to kill me.
19:52We have rabies, Katya.
19:57Rabies.
19:59The shadow of death, you said.
20:02You said.
20:03Believe me, I couldn't have been more wrong.
20:05You have nothing to fear.
20:11Well, I was eating that.
20:13But you can have it.
20:22You, I was eating that.
20:36All right?
20:42You, I was eating that!
20:43I've never been very good at dogs.
21:13If it is rabies, then we're talking about a potential national emergency.
21:19I know that, Pete. That's why I need to do the biopsy. I know it's very unlikely.
21:22With respect, I think you may have jumped the gun a little with your diagnosis.
21:27You disagree?
21:29Well, yes, I will.
21:33So you agree we need to rule it out?
21:36Well, yeah, it could be that way.
21:39Do you think we should continue with the biopsy?
21:42Oh, oh, well, it's...
21:49All right, all right. Better safe than sorry, I suppose. Carry on, Dr. Freeman.
21:53Thanks, everyone.
21:55So, Michael, we have an observer in today, you have no objections, do you?
22:11No...
22:12No, no.
22:13So this is Paul.
22:18He's our anaesthesiologist.
22:20He's going to get started and then I'll pop back before you go under.
22:23OK?
22:24Right.
22:25And he's qualified.
22:26I hope so.
22:27OK, so you should feel the effects of that in a few seconds.
22:33All right, Michael?
22:34Oh.
22:35That's not so bad, eh?
22:38It's a bit like having a bubble bath.
22:41It's really nice.
22:42Well, thanks for your input earlier.
22:43This is a needle biopsy, so we will be administering a general anaesthetic for the patient's comfort.
22:51Oh, yes.
22:52And how is the patient's blood pressure?
22:54Pretty good.
22:55Pretty good.
22:56Paul's one of our best.
23:02OK, Michael, this is Dr Pearl and Dr Two.
23:07Hello, Michael.
23:11Dr Two will be observing, if that's all I find you.
23:12Hello, Dr.
23:13Dr.
23:14Dr.
23:15Dr.
23:16Dr.
23:17Dr.
23:18Dr.
23:19Dr.
23:20Dr.
23:21Dr.
23:23просто
23:24Dr.
23:25Dr.
23:26Mark
23:27맛
23:28Dr.
23:29Dr.
23:30Dr.
23:31Dr.
23:32Dr.
23:33Dr.
23:34Dr.
23:36Dr.
23:37Dr.
23:38Dr.
23:41Dr.
23:42Dr.
23:43Dr.
23:44Dr.
23:45Dr.
23:46Dr.
23:49Just, just lie, lie down, Michael.
23:53Just lie down, please.
24:06This is not wearing any underpants!
24:20I've never seen anything like that in my life. What was he saying?
24:23I don't know, just nonsense phrases. I'm not sure how that happened.
24:26I've never seen anything like it. Have you, Doctor?
24:30It's outside my area of expertise!
24:34I'm afraid!
24:37There's no need to be afraid. Look, he's just going under now. You're safe now.
24:43And then, they put the needle right into the hole! I couldn't believe it!
24:47Stop talking about it. I don't want to think about it.
24:49Oh, I know. It's like me and those monkeys' bottoms.
24:53Or your bottom. That's up there, too, now.
24:57Arthur, what are we doing here? We can go. I don't have rabies, Arthur.
25:01No, I know, but I'm going to wait for Katya.
25:03Oh, yes, Katya. Um...
25:05Well...
25:07Do you mind if I leave?
25:09Of course not. All you've been through.
25:10I don't look very, um...
25:13No, there's a knack to it. I'll be all right.
25:15Can't let Katya go home alone.
25:18All right, then, we'll...
25:20Bye.
25:22I'm sorry, did you say Katya?
25:24Oh, what? Has she left already?
25:26Katya Saritska?
25:27Yes, that's her.
25:28I'm so sorry. I'm afraid...
25:31I'm afraid she's gone.
25:33No, no, she wouldn't have left without me.
25:35No, I mean she passed.
25:38I'm sorry, Geeta. Could you repeat that, love?
25:40She died. I'm so sorry.
25:42No, no, no.
25:43I'm sorry.
25:45I'm sorry, Geeta. Could you repeat that, love?
25:48She died. I'm so sorry.
25:50No, no, no, I'm not having that.
25:52She... she only came in to see if anything was wrong with her.
25:54There was.
25:56Apparently she'd been ill for quite some time.
25:58Are you family?
26:00Um...
26:02Uh, uh, no. No, we're just, um...
26:05We're just friends.
26:07I'm so sorry.
26:09Um...
26:11Uh, uh, no. No, we're just, um...
26:13We're just friends.
26:16I'm so sorry.
26:18I'm so sorry.
26:27Are you all right, Arthur?
26:28No, no, I'm not having that.
26:30They've made a mistake.
26:32She was in the prime of life.
26:34This is a terrible hospital.
26:36Look how far I got.
26:38I'd have made Director General if I'd been in earlier.
26:40No, no, I'm not having it.
26:43What's happened here is...
26:45Someone...
26:46I was supposed to take her home.
26:57What am I gonna do now?
26:59What am I gonna do now?
27:00What am I gonna do now?
27:29They're good, these.
27:45They're not bad, are they?
27:48Not bad, are they?
28:18Not bad, are they?
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