- 15 hours ago
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Today I have Dr. Lauren Terrabraw as well as Wendy Marie Augustine and we'll be jumping right into things.
00:10So how are you ladies doing today? I'm doing awesome. Glad to be here. I'm happy that you are here today as well.
00:18So to start things off, we're going to start with the million dollar question, okay?
00:23For each of you's perspective, should children and teens even have access to social media?
00:30If so, what age should that start?
00:35That's a great question. So we know that most children, they come out of the womb these days knowing how to use a smartphone,
00:47knowing how to use a tablet, wanting to be on one. So we know it's going to happen.
00:54It's really just a matter of which age should we start limiting and how we limit it and how we talk to kids,
01:01even when they're little, about social media use and tablet use and phone use, right?
01:08The standard really is, for those who are toddler, young kids, the American Association of Pediatrics,
01:20the time frame is two hours or less. Two hours or less is the goal, right?
01:26We know we live in a world where a lot of times that's not happening, but if we shoot for the stars,
01:31sometimes we'll land on the moon, right?
01:33And so that's the ideal goal. And as you get older, the time can expand.
01:39And we'll continue to talk about that, but that's when you want to start to have even more conversation
01:43and more limits and family conversation of what it means to have safe and healthy social media use.
01:52Hi. I think that my daughter's 11 and I run her, she has an Instagram account, but I run her account.
02:03I don't allow her to run it. However, she does have a TikTok.
02:07I think at 11, this is the age where they love to do the fun TikToks with their friends and they love to dance.
02:13Listen, what I do is I prep her, you know, let her know what she may see and what's not okay
02:20and what's bullying is going on, body shaming.
02:26So I kind of prep her and give her a heads up of what she may see and things that teach her right from wrong.
02:33So I think at some point they're going to see it.
02:36And I think it's up to us to prepare them for what they're going to see as parents.
02:39Because it's out there. I mean, it's a mental health issue.
02:44They can want what they see, teach her that some of those things that she does see is unrealistic.
02:50Body, you know, this may not be her perfect body.
02:53You know, there's editing to make a person look a certain way.
02:57You know, she's mentioned to me before, Mom, she's really beautiful. I want to look like that.
03:01This was Kylie Jenner. I'm like, okay, she doesn't really look like that.
03:07Let me show you a before picture. And she's like, wow, I had no idea she looked like that.
03:12So kind of my idea is like to prep them, prepare them that mental health, these things can cause them to think other things
03:19and want their bodies to look a certain way. And it's just unrealistic.
03:23So, yeah.
03:23And to you, Dr. Tara Brough, I'm curious, like, what are the things that teens and children are dealing with today
03:33because of social media that maybe they weren't dealing with beforehand?
03:37Like that my generation is millennial. Like we were able to go outside and play, but they have those tablets, those phones in their hands.
03:43So what are some of the things that they're dealing with right now that may be different?
03:46Right. And we're also talking in the context of a pandemic, too, right?
03:51So even if there may have been a little bit more of a balance before, because we went through a two-year period of time
03:57where even going outside was pretty limited, then we have even more that we're looking at.
04:03A lot of what we're seeing or what I see, too, in a lot of my kids is anxiety, right?
04:09Anxiety around meeting other people, learning how to talk to other people, developing friendships and relationships.
04:18When you are able to communicate through text or social media, and that's your sole method of communication
04:26outside of being face-to-face in school, for instance, you don't learn as much how to conflict navigate, right?
04:34You have a little bit of a filter.
04:35You are not speaking directly face-to-face with someone.
04:40You can say something that may be a little bit more mean, right, or a little bit more insensitive via text, right,
04:46or in social media than you might in front of them.
04:49So that back-and-forth dialogue begins to change and is, again, something that parents, caregivers have that conversation with, right?
04:58So that you're building those skills outside, even though you may be communicating, you have to still learn to develop those skills as well.
05:07Bullying is at another level when there's social media use involved.
05:11Whereas someone may have been bullied at the local level just at school, now the audience is wider, it's much wider, and the impact is greater.
05:23Because versus 100 kids maybe being knowing of an incident, maybe thousands, and if you went viral, millions of other peers may see what happened or what you're going through.
05:34So it changes the impact.
05:37It also, the influence in terms of body image, body image issues, an understanding of what people actually go through, right?
05:45Because we have a very scripted, curated image that we create on social media.
05:51And so while things may look very happy all the time and that someone else is having a great time all the time,
05:57they have access to this, they have access to that, they look like this, they have these types of friends that may not be reality.
06:05Often it's not reality.
06:07But when I see that on my screen and I'm scrolling and that's all I see, I may be depressed or anxious because that's not my life.
06:18What's wrong with me, right?
06:20Those are some of the things.
06:22Absolutely.
06:23And, you know, even as a parent, Wendy, I'm very curious, how have you been able to really find that balance of wanting your, you know,
06:32your children to be involved in social media, all the trends, everything that's happened on TikTok,
06:37but still not having them, you know, be oversaturated with the images and the different things that may come their way online?
06:45Well, my daughter, she's very mature for her age.
06:48She's actually turning 11 next week.
06:51So I kind of, she has a, like I said, she has an Instagram account that I run, but I do a lot of, we do a lot of self-love.
07:00Like if I teach her to love herself the way she is and to just always be true to herself.
07:05I think a lot of times as parents, we've, sometimes we may not teach our kids that and it's very important because I think that if it comes,
07:15if they know that they're loved, they won't get the perception of a lot of times, like, oh, I want to be like this person on social media.
07:22We're like, okay, I love myself.
07:23I look good the way I am.
07:25You know what I mean?
07:25And, you know, and I tell my daughter, like I told her this morning, she was getting ready for a camp.
07:31I was like, you look gorgeous.
07:32And she looks at me, she says, I know.
07:34And so it's, you know, like I don't, I teach her to be confident, but not cocky.
07:38But I want her to always have that I'm beautiful attitude.
07:42And, you know, she'll scroll through TikTok.
07:44And a lot of times I get involved with her.
07:45We do TikToks together.
07:47We have fun together.
07:48I make it more fun than her scrolling, looking for certain things.
07:52And I'm like, she has to show me what she wants to post on TikTok before she posts it.
07:58Like, she's not, like, I literally go through everything.
08:02I monitor daily, you know, what she does.
08:05And she'll come show me, mom, I just saw this TikTok.
08:07You think it's okay?
08:08And I'm like, no, I don't think that's age appropriate.
08:11We're not going to post that.
08:13You know what I mean?
08:13So I think that just, I think the key is monitoring everything that they do and just teaching them what's okay and what's not okay as a mom.
08:22So, yeah.
08:23And, you know, this is for both of y'all because I don't know if there are any parents out there that may have some different tugs when it comes to one parent that may be into it and another parent that may have some hesitations.
08:35So when it comes to balancing those dynamics, what do you all suggest, you know, be prompted as far as navigating life?
08:42There's a parent that's into it and a parent that's not.
08:47So I really empower families to do what's best for them, right?
08:51And so that's, I usually, when I'm working with a kid or child and their parent, I ask them, what mom, mom, dad, caregiver, you are the boss, right?
09:03You get to make the final decision.
09:05So begin to think about that and set the tone for what's right for your family.
09:10But also, at the same time, you want your child to have a healthy identity.
09:17You want them to learn how to use social media safely and effectively, right?
09:22And the only ways that we know how to do it is if we use it.
09:26So you may want to cut off all access to social media because we know the dangers of it, but it's not very practical long term because your child will use it.
09:37You want them to be able to use it under your guidance and with your supervision.
09:43And you want them, you want to be able to teach them developmentally appropriate ways of using social media.
09:49So I, that's how I start the conversation.
09:52Yeah.
09:52I agree.
09:53I agree with you.
09:55It all is based on what you want to do with your family and how do you want to teach your children.
10:00For me, I don't want my daughter to sneak behind my back because eventually, I mean, she goes to camp, she goes to school, her friends are on TikTok, so she's going to see it, you know, even when I'm not there.
10:12So I want to teach her ahead of time that, you know, you may see this, but it's not, you know, it's not a good thing to look at or it's not appropriate.
10:20So I think it's really based on the parent, but for me, I think that it's unrealistic to block it from their lives because it's such the norm right now, you know what I mean?
10:31And I just prepare.
10:33I think the key is just to prepare them and teach them what's right from wrong, basically, and just have an open relationship and just kind of put everything out there and let them know, like, you're going to see something, but it's not going to be good.
10:45You may feel sad about it, but it's reality.
10:49It's just our reality right now with social media.
10:53So, yeah.
10:53And also, like, parents and caregivers are their kids' greatest teachers, right?
10:58And so we lead by example.
11:00Right.
11:00And so, and I'm sure you as a mom, right, like, we all use social media in some form.
11:07We're all, we have smartphones.
11:09We use them a lot.
11:10And so being mindful of how our own consumption, right, how often are we on the phone?
11:15Are we utilizing family time, some designated family time, just for family time?
11:21So no cell phones, no social media use during dinner.
11:25Right.
11:25While we're driving to school or to camp, that's our time to catch up with each other and talk with each other and learn from each other one-on-one, right?
11:35And just knowing that we're setting the example by our own use.
11:40Right.
11:41Absolutely.
11:42You know, I know you spoke on some really great boundaries that you, you know, and parameters that you said, you know, with your daughter.
11:50And just, I'm curious for the parents or the caregivers out there that may not be, you know, in front of their children's faces all the time and may not be able to see them, what they're doing and looking at, you know, when they don't have eyes on them.
12:05And so to those parents, what are some telltale signs that maybe, hey, your teen or your child may be getting into some different, you know, challenges when it comes to their self-perception and how they gleam, you know, who they are as a person because of social media?
12:21How can you spot those different signs of like, hey, they may have a very, you know, becoming a negative relationship with social media?
12:28How do you spot those?
12:29Well, you always also want to monitor just for general signs of depression or anxiety or even addiction, right, to social media.
12:41So signs of depression, right, in a teen or a young person, changes in sleep patterns.
12:47So sleeping too much or not sleeping at all.
12:52Sadness, more tearfulness, they're crying.
12:55And young people, though, often depression and anxiety may look like irritability.
13:00So they are really angry for no reason and can tell you, I, like, everything sets me off.
13:07They seem more irritable.
13:08They're not sitting down and engaging with family members and their friends like they used to or as in the frequency as they used to desire.
13:18They're either spending all of their time or most of their time on social media checking messages, being worried about did someone respond to my post, how many likes did I get?
13:29And if I didn't, nobody likes me, nobody thinks I'm relevant or nobody cares about me.
13:34And asking those questions, checking in, and also having some type of monitoring plan in place, whether you're friending your teenager or young person on the platforms that you do allow them to use so that you can at least see some of their activity and what's going on.
13:54And asking them to look and see on, like, in their phone to see.
13:59And I'm not talking about spying because you do want your young person to be able to trust you.
14:04So you're telling them up front, I'm going to be asking for your phone periodically so we can make sure we're safe and that there's nothing that's, that nobody's trying to harm you because we have predators.
14:14Um, and that also, um, that I'm teaching you how to use it correctly.
14:18Um, and so checking in periodically to, to, to see, because I will say also there, a lot of parents may not know that their child has had suicidal ideation or severe body image issues unless they saw that post or that message that they sent to their friends.
14:36It's not an indication of what type of caregiver you are if your young person doesn't tell you.
14:43We hope to have the best relationships with our kids so that they can come and tell us, but it's very, very normal for a kid to feel much more comfortable sharing with their friend how they feel than they do with us, right?
14:55So those type of checking in activities are really helpful.
14:59Yeah.
15:00I definitely agree as well.
15:02Um, checking in is a must.
15:05With your, your teen or your children, um, I check in all the time and I think a lot of times since it's summer, it's a lot of downtime with social media.
15:14And I often see my daughter, uh, you know, maybe scrolling a little bit longer and I'm like, okay, hey, phone down, let's do something.
15:24Um, cause they're out for the summer.
15:26They don't have much to do.
15:27Um, even after camp, you know, there's, there's, uh, just free time.
15:31And so I'm like, put the phone down.
15:33I'll say phone check.
15:34Uh, and she's like, oh, mom.
15:36And I'm like, let me go through and see, you know, I'm scrolling through.
15:39So I definitely think that you have to monitor and it's not like I'm sneaking.
15:43Like you said, doctor, um, let them know like, Hey, periodically, I'm going to check your phone.
15:47I'm going to look through it.
15:48Um, as a mom, so I'm also a school social worker.
15:51And so a lot of times, um, I get a lot of students who come in and they feel, um, ashamed of their bodies.
16:00And there was like, you know, I just don't, I feel like I don't love myself.
16:03And they're a lot of times they're suicidal.
16:05And when I contact the parent, you know, that's something that we have to notify him.
16:08It's like, you know, your daughter, um, is experiencing suicidal thoughts.
16:12And she's like, I had no idea.
16:14So you have to pay attention to the signs of your children.
16:17If like you said, if they're quiet, um, a lot of times they spend a lot of times in their room.
16:21They want to be alone and they don't want to go outside.
16:24They want to just not be social.
16:26And a lot of those times that that can mean something.
16:29So kind of talk to your kids or talk to your, your family members.
16:33If you notice any type of different behavior, because that a lot can show signs of a mental, um, depression, anxiety, um, all because of social media, all because they've seen a post of somebody looking really, really cute.
16:45And it's like, Oh my God, I want to look like, you know what I mean?
16:47And so I think that just monitoring and just having those conversations with them to let them know some of these things are just unrealistic.
16:55You know what I mean?
16:56So, yeah.
16:58I definitely, um, love those tips that you all shared.
17:02And for any, you know, caregiver parent out there who may have seen those signs and kind of want to know some tips on how to course correct so that they can have that, their children can have that healthier relationship with social media.
17:15What do you all suggest?
17:17Um, well, I think, and I recommend all the time, first line level intervention that we've been really nice.
17:25It's really been great to have more school social workers, right?
17:29Um, that, that's a very easily accessible for most kids.
17:33The school social worker is very accessible to them during the school year.
17:37They're going to be the, the, probably the fastest thing they can get some, get their child seen faster, um, by their school social worker.
17:46And then sometimes even the pediatrician, right?
17:49Um, so first having that conversation, if you can have that conversation really one-on-one time where you say,
17:58I care about you, I see that you seem to be more sad, or you seem to be, um, worried about your parents more than you used to, right?
18:09Talk to me.
18:10Tell me about how you've been feeling.
18:12And it's, but also understanding your child may not feel comfortable sharing that, and that's totally okay, too.
18:18If you continue to have concerns, that's when you want to get a trusted professional, health professional involved.
18:25First sign can be pediatrician, along with school social worker, um, and that person can help guide you as to if that person, your child may need to see a psychiatrist, or a licensed clinical social worker, or the licensed professional counselor, a psychologist,
18:42somebody where they can see, um, someone for treatment, or can determine the need for treatment.
18:48And sometimes, I've had families that have come in, and I don't make a diagnosis.
18:53I just say, there's some adjustment issue that's going on that we need to work through, and certainly therapy can be helpful.
18:59But this does not seem to be much larger than this particular trigger that we're talking about.
19:06And so you can get some reassurance by seeking some professional help as well.
19:10That doesn't mean that you actually have a disorder, a diagnosis, but if you do, you're in the right place already.
19:19Um, just to piggyback off what you said, doctor, I think that a lot of times just having that middle person, just being a social worker,
19:25a lot of times I get a call from the parents and say, hey, uh, so-and-so has been acting really strange.
19:31Do you mind if you can talk to her and see what's going on?
19:34Um, and a lot of times they'll open up to me more than they'll open up to their parents because they're afraid.
19:40Um, they may not have a close relationship with a parent, and so they're afraid to say, you know, I'm feeling sad.
19:46I'm feeling depressed. I think I need to go to the doctor.
19:49Um, so just having that extra person, um, to talk to can really, really play a major difference.
19:55Um, it's summertime, and, you know, we're out for the summer.
19:58Um, they still, some of the kids still text me and say, hey, Ms. Wendy, I didn't have a great day today.
20:03You know what I mean?
20:04And I let them know, hey, give me a call. Let's talk about it.
20:07What's going on?
20:08Um, and just to bring this up into the air, a lot of times when, for the phone for social media, for example,
20:17during school time, when the kids come to school, we take their phones away.
20:20Um, sometimes they hide it, and the reason for that is because if something happens, they record it.
20:29And that can go viral.
20:30If there's a, something bad happens to another child, and this has happened before, and it went viral,
20:35and this child came to me and said, hey, they posted this video.
20:39I just, I just want to just jump off a bridge.
20:41Like, they just don't want to be here.
20:42And, you know, that's another thing that, that is really, really bad about social media, what they can see is,
20:49particularly, they might get a video of themselves that goes viral, and it's like, oh, my God,
20:53and they just feel horrible, and they just don't know what to do about it.
20:56So just talking to your children and talking to everyone about these type of situations can really, really, really, really help.
21:02Yeah.
21:03I mean, I know I don't have children yet, but these are very helpful tips that we just got today.
21:08And I'm curious, you know, if there are any questions out there that, you know,
21:14you all want to piggyback off of what you all heard today, we'd love to make time for that right now
21:19if there are any questions.
21:33Hi there.
21:34Okay, now I don't have to scream.
21:36So I think we think a lot about brain development in children,
21:43and this time with social media has never happened to our children's brains before.
21:49So how would you, from a sort of neurobiological standpoint, think about addiction,
21:56think about the impact of looking at a screen?
22:02And just like you were saying, it could build anxiety, it could build depression,
22:06but is it affecting the way our children's brains are working?
22:10Mm-hmm.
22:11Easy question.
22:16Sure.
22:18So we know that brains are plastic, and we use different parts of our brains when we're
22:23looking at a screen versus when we're hearing something versus when we're talking with someone
22:28versus when we're receiving a hug.
22:29So yes, we don't know all the science behind it, but using a device is going to, and using it
22:37especially very, very early, which is what most of our kids are exposed to and do now,
22:42it changes how you, how your brain develops, right?
22:46But maybe not necessarily in a bad way, in a very adaptive way, right?
22:50Because we, as humans, we evolve and we adapt to what's in our world, and the best of us
22:56adapt in the best ways.
22:59So social media, media is not going away.
23:02We have to be able to adaptable and adapt to it.
23:05But again, when you talk about addiction, we know in terms of the brain chemical process,
23:11anything that gives you spikes of the brain chemical release of dopamine is going to be,
23:18you're going to be more likely to develop an addiction to it.
23:22What are the signs of addiction perhaps, for instance, in social media use?
23:26It's similar to any other addictive substances.
23:29So you're using it for longer times than you intended to.
23:33When you stop trying to use it, you go through maybe a withdrawal, right?
23:37You get more irritable.
23:38You crave it, right?
23:40You're preoccupied with it.
23:43I can't enjoy my time at the Essence Festival because I must check that post that I just
23:50posted.
23:50I must see what reaction I got.
23:52I must see the response that I had with it.
23:54And if I can't do that, I become upset.
23:58I get sad.
23:58I get irritable.
24:00Those are some of the signs of addiction.
24:03What you want to do to mitigate that is things like, let's start to back off on the use.
24:10First, we've got to identify that it is an issue.
24:13First, let's start to back off on the use.
24:15As parents and caregivers, we really can help our kid and set limits on the amount of time
24:21that they have access to their device.
24:23They shouldn't have it at night, right?
24:25When they're sleeping, when they should be sleeping, we can hold on to those things.
24:29You can get it back later.
24:31And you can help talk to them about that.
24:35And it can be an addiction.
24:38And so if you're not sure or if you believe that your child is addicted to social media,
24:43seek professional help.
24:46Awesome.
24:47Well, I want to thank you both, Dr. Tara Brahe as well as Wendy Augustine.
24:52I truly appreciate you all's time and insight.
24:55And let everyone know where they can find you if they want to follow you on Instagram
24:59and all that good stuff.
25:00I am Wendy Maria on Instagram.
25:03I am Juneteenth on Instagram.
25:06Thank you, everyone.
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