00:00The biggest lie that people tell themselves after heartbreak is that it will be different
00:03next time. But it will not, unless you do these three things, okay? I've got a degree in cognitive
00:07neuroscience. I study this stuff for a living and I work with ambitious women who tell themselves,
00:12it'll be better next time. It'll be different. I've learned my lesson. I just need to meet
00:16someone who finally gets me after every freaking heartbreak. But then next time rolls around and
00:20it's not different. It's just familiar. Different name, different face, same emotional pattern over
00:25and over again. Because you can't attract from the wound you're still living in. You attract from
00:29the level of your self-awareness, self-worth and self-regulation, which means the next relationship
00:33doesn't start when you meet them. It starts when you meet yourself, okay? So how do you do this?
00:38How do you actually do this? You become the kind of person who would never choose that dynamic again.
00:42I call this the becoming process and it's the bridge between healing and healthy love, okay?
00:47Here's how it works. First, write out your ideal partner, not their height or their hobbies,
00:51their emotional DNA, okay? How do they communicate under stress? How do they handle conflict? How do
00:57they make you feel seen, safe and grounded? Now circle every trait that you're not currently
01:01embodying. Those circles, that's your curriculum, okay? Because your ideal partner isn't your fantasy,
01:06they're your reflection, okay? Next, take an honest look at your current patterns. Ask yourself,
01:11would the kind of person I want to be with feel emotionally safe with me? Do I shut down or
01:15over-explain when I'm vulnerable? Do I have space for someone new or am I still half-anchored to the past?
01:20This step builds self-awareness and awareness creates choice because once you can see your
01:25patterns, you can rewire them. Finally, live like the person you wrote about. If your ideal partner
01:29is active, start going up to run clubs, fitness classes, hikes. Surprise, surprise, you'll end up
01:34being around other active potential partners. If they're emotionally available, practice being open
01:38even when it feels risky. Attraction is coherence. You don't attract what you want, you attract what
01:43you are. When you become the person you'd want today, your nervous system finally recognizes healthy love
01:48it's home.
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