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00:00Good evening and welcome to Q&A.
00:29Tonight we're taking a walk on the wild side in a show all about animals starting with W.
00:34Let's meet our pride of panellists.
00:36Wiley as a wolf, it's Nabil Abdul Rashid.
00:43Whip smart as a whippet, it's Sam Campbell.
00:49Crass as a wrasse, it's Holly Walsh.
00:55And the blue whale is his white whale, it's Alan Davis.
00:59Let's hear their whinnies.
01:06Holly goes.
01:08Sam goes.
01:12Nabil goes.
01:16Alan goes.
01:18Now, let's open this cat of worms with question one.
01:29How many legs does a walrus have?
01:32Four.
01:32What are they, hands then?
01:39Are they hands it has?
01:40Well, no.
01:41So they are legs.
01:42So it does have four, but it has more than that.
01:45Perhaps the walrus has different stages.
01:47So when it's in its larvae stage, it would have no legs.
01:49And then, as it grows, it would sort of, yeah, sort of, it ends up with one.
02:00OK, so the definition of leg is each of the organs of support and locomotion in an animal body, OK?
02:06Support and locomotion.
02:07Support and locomotion.
02:08Well, it goes mainly about on its tummy, doesn't it?
02:12And how does it pull itself forward on the ice when it's on its stomach?
02:15With its hands.
02:16Tusks.
02:17It uses its tusks.
02:18Uses its tusks?
02:19Yes, as well as the four flippers.
02:20So we count those as legs.
02:22No, don't count those as legs.
02:24Do the two tusks count as one leg?
02:27So, no, they count as two legs and so it's got four flippers.
02:30So, in total, it's got six legs.
02:32Doesn't that technically make you an insect?
02:34Like a fly.
02:44Stay woke, people.
02:45They're lying to us.
02:46BBC is rife with corruption.
02:50The revolution is being televised but may be edited.
02:54What's their favourite food?
02:58Any thoughts?
02:58Just for a bonus point, we'd like to say that the walrus have a very pungent odour.
03:04OK.
03:05Did you want to say it together or...?
03:08One, two, three.
03:10They stink!
03:11Oh, OK.
03:12I think that's probably too.
03:13They are astonishing.
03:14If you look at that mouse, they can eat three to six thousand clams in a single sitting.
03:19Clams?
03:20Clams, yes.
03:21They like vongole.
03:22They love clams.
03:23If you took a walrus out, it cost you about 1,500 quid at a London fish shop.
03:26That's the cost of it.
03:27What do they gather them all up, then?
03:28Well, what they can do, which is amazing, is they can clamp their lips around the clam
03:33shell and then they pull their tongue backwards into the mouth so fast that it's this incredibly
03:38powerful sucking force.
03:39It opens the clam and sends the clams flying out and then they spit the clam shell out.
03:46Do you know, that's like me when I eat edamame.
03:49I'm ruthless.
03:50I eat them like they've wronged my family.
03:52What walruses can do is that when they're in captivity they can actually suck holes in wooden
04:01planks because they have this incredible sucking force.
04:03So they can suck a glory hole?
04:05I mean, I don't think that's what they advertise them as in the zoo.
04:10The moustaches so they can be more incognito because they've gone around sucking on all
04:15these glory holes, Sandy.
04:17Maybe that's it.
04:18Now, I've got something which is walrus related.
04:21I'm going to have to wear gloves in order to show it to you.
04:24What do you think I might be showing you?
04:27Is it a bit of a walrus?
04:28Is it a bit of a walrus?
04:29Yes, it's an astonishing bit.
04:30Is it a tusk?
04:31Balls!
04:32Sorry.
04:33Weirdly, Nabil, you are closer.
04:34OK.
04:35A penis.
04:36A penis.
04:37Well.
04:38So, you two both get a point because male walruses have a penis bone or a baculum and
04:48this is such a thing.
04:49Oh, my God.
04:50Wow, it looks like a rounders bat.
04:51Oh, I...
04:52It's...
04:53Well, they have been used as clubs in the past.
04:55This has been lent to us by the Grant Museum.
04:57Thought you were going to say it was lent to you by a walrus.
05:00I want it back!
05:02Yeah.
05:03The Grant Museum at UCL.
05:05Credit since 1828.
05:06Do go and have a look.
05:07It's the most fantastic museum.
05:09Anyway, they've lent us this.
05:10So, why might...
05:11They lent you a boner.
05:12Yes.
05:13Why might they want to have a bone inside that's like...
05:16Does it count as another leg?
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18Is it a rudder?
05:19Is it a rudder?
05:20No.
05:21No, it means they can start mating without waiting for an erection.
05:22Well, that badges are the same.
05:23And I don't know that from personal experience.
05:25LAUGHTER
05:26Why doesn't everyone have that?
05:27Who said everyone doesn't?
05:29LAUGHTER
05:30It's an absolute monster.
05:31It is big, isn't it?
05:32And I say that with no experience whatsoever.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35That, by the way, you're holding it.
05:37LAUGHTER
05:38Who said everyone doesn't?
05:42It's an absolute monster. It's it is big isn't it and I say that with no experience whatsoever
06:01To put this away because it's rather precious female walruses also have a clitoris bone
06:06Which is called a bobellum, but it's tiny these are different ages of
06:11clitoris bone, which are strictly speaking called clitorides and
06:15They're much much smaller half a pound of clitorides, please
06:22We're going to the clitorides
06:26Inclusive
06:28So bats have them rodents have them cats dogs
06:31We don't know why some have them and some don't they're gorgeous
06:34They are gorgeous darling and here is the thing is that I wanted to show you the baculum the male penis
06:40And I wanted to show you the bobellum and we looked for one to show you today, but none of our
06:45Elves could find one
06:55But if you think how do they attract each other male walruses they clap and they wolf whistle to attract females
07:02So they use whistling above ground. What do you think they do underwater farty bubbles?
07:06They do create air bubbles, but they do it by clapping their flippers. Okay, it's called cavitation and they can clap up to 200 decibels
07:23200 decibels that's as loud as a volcanic explosion, so this is not as loud as that but have a quick look
07:32What's he thinking about there
07:35On the glass this thing it's like one single fan at a peter-andre concert
07:43Do you know
07:45I
07:47Would be like I'm out and that's why up to now you still haven't found a walrus girl
07:55Not to be in your thing why isn't it clitori what did you call it? I don't think anybody ever gets that lucky
08:03It's quite a nasty infection
08:05Now you know how walruses get about but how did walking catfish get to Florida?
08:17This is a walking catfish anybody know where they first came from so they're not originally from America Africa everything starts in Africa
08:25That's right
08:29When the revolution comes we're gonna give you a head start
08:35And a stick to defend yourself
08:39I know where you can get a penis bone
08:42Did it go by plane? Yes, it did go by plane. It did? Yes, they were imported from Thailand to the United States in the early 1960s as aquarium fish
08:51But everybody kind of forgot that they can walk on land
08:54And so they were in a truck being transported from one Florida fish farm to another and a whole bunch of them got out
09:00And ten years later they had spread across 20 counties and they are the absolute best
09:06Let's have a look at how they move they have specialized gills that let them breathe air
09:12Okay, we've all got home like that at the end of the night
09:17Like a snake but they have to stay moist so they don't last all that long
09:21Maybe a couple of days before they need to get back in the water
09:23But these catfish can smell the air with their skin and they will wriggle away from things like the smell of rotten eggs
09:31But they will wriggle towards the smell of pond water
09:35They can smell who's related to them they can smell where their home area is they can smell where food is when they just know if they're related to someone
09:42I don't need to smell my dad. He's my dad, right?
09:45But if you were blindfolded would you still know that it was your father? Why am I blindfolded?
09:54How many men are you presenting me with? What kind of sick game is this?
10:00You're lining up ten men and asking me to smell the topic I mean I'm game I'll do it but you
10:07If I was blindfolded I couldn't tell my dad from smelling him but I'd know it was him from how he'd react to me smelling him
10:15Was that an early childhood lesson? I remember the day I found that my dad was ambidextrous, but that's the story
10:24Right, let's all move on to dry land and talk about wombats. Okay, here are some facts about wombats first of all carry their babies in pouches
10:32They have cube shaped poo their teeth never stop growing and they are the largest burrowing mammals in
10:41The world so how did mad wombat boy get his nickname?
10:48It's a long time ago, and I don't want to talk about it
10:52Were you a small boy darling?
10:54Do I look like I've ever been small?
10:58Did mad wombat boy did he do cubie poos?
11:03Could you make them into a Rubik's?
11:05They're cubed partly because they they don't roll away and it's a good way of marking your territory
11:11And they're able to do it by constricting their anus
11:13I am so gonna try that when I come home
11:17That wombat boy where are we with wombats?
11:19But he was maybe raised by wombats
11:21No, he wasn't raised by wombats
11:23He went to boarding school, which is similar
11:25You have to burrow your way out
11:28You do have to
11:29So the burrows are the key to it
11:31Oh, did he go underground and get lost in the burrows?
11:33You get a point
11:34Absolutely, he went down into the burrows
11:36So we're talking about the 1960s
11:38Peter PJ Nicholson
11:40He discovered that there were
11:41That's not him, is it?
11:43That's just a little bit
11:46When he came out the other end
11:49PJ
11:49This is like one of those before and after
11:51All those turkey sort of teeth
11:54This is what you look like and then you get in with a full set of dentures
11:58He was at boarding school in Victoria, Australia
12:01And there were wombat burrows nearby
12:03And so wombat burrows only about 20 inches wide
12:05And so scientists had never been down to see what they were like
12:08And PJ was 15 and he was quite slight
12:10He sneaked out at night and went down into the wombat burrows
12:14And he memorised the layout and he drew maps when he got back to his room
12:18I mean, it's unbelievably dangerous
12:20He even found wombats down there that had been trapped in their own
12:24Tunnels and he wrote about this in his school magazine and he became known as mad wombat boy
12:29A bit harsh the mad bit, isn't it?
12:31Inquisitive wombat boy
12:33Did he show the trapped ones his map so they could make it out?
12:37That would have been good, wouldn't it?
12:38How did he know they were trapped down there?
12:40Uh, dead
12:45Is it true that he took a wombat bride?
12:49Is it married at first sight Australia?
12:52I know
12:56But they are the largest burrowing mammal in the world
12:59They grow up to about four foot long
13:01They weigh about 35 kilos about 10 times heavier I suppose than a newborn baby
13:05They're marsupials so what does that mean?
13:07They have pouches?
13:08Yes, they have pouches
13:09But I have to say the wombats are very clever because they dig right they're burrowing
13:13Their pouches on the females face backwards so they don't get mud in the pouch while they're digging
13:19Don't you think that's a woman going I'm going to sort this
13:21I'm going to sort this
13:23When they stand up everything drops out
13:26Anyway, peter nicholson the school boy now all grown up his data remained the best
13:30Information about wombat burrows until the 2024 invention of the wombot
13:37Which is that?
13:38Oh, finally
13:40Finally it can crawl through on caterpillar tracks
13:43Why can't you get claw gloves?
13:49What? Just for yourself?
13:50Just got a pair of gloves with claws on
13:53Yeah
13:53And strap them on I think that'd be a big seller
13:55I think a lot of people would like to have claws
13:57There's a lot of uses for them
13:58But what if you forget you've got them on?
14:00Well, you could have an accident if you went to scratch yourself
14:03Yeah
14:04But I think you'd only do that once
14:08Yes, but can I just remind you that no boy can keep his hand out of his trousers so
14:13Okay, so I'm going to upset you here Alan and the elves are telling me
14:17that claw gloves are available on Amazon at 7.99
14:25Now you know what, I'm very, I suspect that there'll be a child's toy claw glove
14:29Oh, no
14:30I've fallen for this in the past
14:32Okay
14:32I once bought what I thought was a ladder and it turned and it was only 3.99 and it turned out to be for a doll's house
14:42Well, I for one was very grateful when you passed it on
14:47Well, you sat out of that, haven't you?
14:50How do you think I got in this chair?
14:53I have a quick question for you
14:54What do wombats do with their bottoms to protect against predators?
14:58Twerk
14:59That would be the right answer
15:01I mean
15:06Not quite, but so nearly the right answer that I had to give it to you
15:11What's amazing about their bottoms, they consist of four bone plates which are fused together
15:16They're covered in a thick layer of cartilage and skin and fur and so on
15:20Very few nerve endings and what they've discovered is that there are crushed animal skulls sometimes
15:25Near the entrance to the burrow and what they think is that they twerk as it were with the bottom and squash the predator to death
15:32Wow
15:35Gives face sitting a new meaning
15:40That is one hell of a way to go
15:48But most famous of course the thing everybody talks about it's the poo the poo is the thing
15:52They have all these other skills
15:55They have the most talented assholes I've ever heard
15:58In australia, if you commit a sort of a federal crime you can choose there as a way to die
16:08To be twerk to death by a wombat yeah or kylie minogue
16:16Okay, moving along now be prepared for this I have chickens for you, please bring on the chickens
16:26This is uh
16:28This is jane with chicky menage
16:33And this is carl with hennifer aniston
16:38So what I want you to try and do guys I want you to try and make your chicken blush
16:43Okay, I can see your privates
16:49Mine's coming over because it's eating all it's
16:51This is bringing back my childhood
16:58Okay, how can you tell if it's blushing oh, you really can they turn red as a result of emotion
17:03So you would think that was limited to humans but chickens do it as well
17:07I can do that but I need some onions some garlic
17:10I mean I'm like a chicken whisperer
17:14I don't know what's
17:15Nearly went off
17:16That would have been embarrassing
17:18Yes
17:18But if you look at this picture this picture is the same chicken the chicken pale and then the chicken blushing and they flush
17:26What do you want more? I've got some hang on
17:28I've got some here look they've got loads
17:30Here you go baby don't
17:31Don't poo on my cards
17:35If that's not embarrassing I don't know what if
17:36There we go
17:37How's that?
17:38But these are rescue chickens is that right they've been they've been rescued from a life on a bathroom farm
17:42KFC
17:43So they they're very content
17:48What the hell?
17:54So they blush by sending blood to their wattles as well as to their cheeks when they're scared or excited
17:58And the redder the chicken the more overwrought they are
18:02Oh, we don't want to make them overwrought
18:04No, we don't want to at all
18:06Just a bit wrought
18:08Sweetheart, do you want to?
18:09Look out, look out
18:10Look out, predator
18:12Run, run for your life
18:16Where's it going?
18:16Going down the hill
18:18No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait
18:24Thank you very much
18:24Thank you
18:26Thank you
18:27Thank you
18:31Carl and Jane and I'll have each other
18:36And if you look at this picture you really can tell in a minute it's the same chicken
18:42You can tell something about their emotion and one of the things they discovered is that the stressed ones
18:47They blush deep red so the one in this picture on the right has been accused of something
18:50I think probably or it could be excited because they blush too, but not quite as much
18:55Anyway, why might you do this? Why might you research this and find out what they do? You've got a grant
19:07I mean if you're concerned about animal welfare, you might think I don't want the red-faced chicken something's up
19:12Absolutely, right. You just want to check that they're okay, and we could also do this with turkeys
19:16They do a rather similar thing when aroused if I can use that expression
19:21Gorgeous, aren't they?
19:22Aren't they? But sometimes they go blue when they're holding their breath
19:28Flushing and poultry is particularly obvious in the wattles that's those hanging flaps of chin skin
19:35But what is a wattle actually for?
19:38marketing cornflakes
19:44I'm getting a waffle. You're getting a waffle. Well, it's just you know you get to a certain age
19:48I thought you were saying I'm getting one like you're gonna get them added. Yeah, I'm gonna go to turkey
19:55Cosmetic surgery like that like why doesn't someone just get a really long nose? Well, I think people do do weird things
20:01Isn't there some guy in Japan has made himself look as much like a dog as possible?
20:04There is a guy in Australia who got it done and he had his whole body tattooed green and his teeth sharpened
20:09So he'd look like a lizard and apparently he regrets it really
20:12He looked in the mirror and his tail just fell off
20:22It must be to attract the opposite sex that's exactly right
20:25So along with the comb on a rooster the chicken's wattle gets bigger and redder as the animal gets more testosterone
20:32What about in wallace and gromit when the penguin puts the glove on its head?
20:36That's one of my favorite things that's ever happened in film
20:40And then everyone thinks it's a chicken
20:42You know i've got a 12 year old friend of mine and I said to her
20:45I said have you been watching any films over christmas and she said oh
20:49I loved that film about the gay couple and they were drinking a lot of tea and talking about cheese
20:53And I said are you talking about wallace and gromit?
20:57And she said yes, I said what made you think it was a gay couple?
21:01She said oh he keeps going
21:12So now our sign for anybody we think might be gay we all go
21:18Anyway the waffle is very important it kind of literally tells them where they are in the pecking order
21:22If you've got a bigger waffle then you are superior if you took all of the chickens wattles away nobody would know where they stood
21:29Now it's time to wander into the belly of the beast we call general ignorance fingers on buzzers, please
21:34Which animal has the largest testes?
21:38The nigerian male sorry
21:40I'm sorry I
21:49But in second place some kind of whale okay what kind of whale the blue whale
21:58Never say blue whale never say blue whale so you're thinking of the wrong kind of whale anybody another kind of whale
22:05That's the wrong whale
22:10That's the wrong whale and we want the right way the right whale alan gets a point is exactly right
22:22They're talking about the north atlantic right whale they have the largest testes on earth they can weigh up to
22:29500 kilograms
22:32each
22:34Would it sperm be so big that I
22:36Personally could ride on it
22:40Having larger testes doesn't necessarily mean you have larger sperm
22:44In fact having larger testes makes you more promiscuous
22:46Because what happens is you give a little bit of your sperm to many more partners and that's why you have large testes
22:51I'm afraid sandy that wasn't my question
22:56Can I ride on one of the sperms of this whale no
22:59But what are the advantages of having such huge balls really
23:07Well, I mean you'd have to ask the tuberous bush cricket okay, these are the largest testes in the world for its size
23:15It represents 14% of its body mass now. Can I just say they don't hang out like that? Okay?
23:21They're normally internal these have been taken out and unrolled all right. Why would you do that to it?
23:28So the right whale is only about one percent. Why is who's that in the photo this man? Why is he smiling like a
23:34He's smiling like he just got paid you dirty prick
23:38If one of you boys had testes that size if
23:46I feel like having the weight of a microwave between your legs that would be yeah, it's hard sometimes you know
23:54My testes are actually very small, but I've got a lot of them. It looks like a sort of a bunch of cramps
24:00Okay
24:03You say that to me and I think oh, maybe some of them come like that what do I
24:06Anyway, I can show you this right whales because they've got this very large testes
24:10They produce four and a half liters of sperm in one go
24:16Okay, um and that
24:19Is that much
24:22That's a lot isn't it? Yeah
24:29American visitors john a wheeler was the first to imagine tunnels through space-time
24:32He named them after the holes dug by an animal beginning with w and he called them
24:45So this is him hanging out with other clever theoretical physicists
24:48He first wrote about what we now call wormholes in the 1950s, but he called them wood chuck holes
24:55So wormhole which is what you came up with that came about later
24:58Anybody know how wormhole works in Star Trek here when they go through it?
25:02They end up in another place because it lives through the space-time continuum
25:06Yes, and they end up in the same galaxy where the cardassians are sometimes the Ferengi
25:12The Ferengi don't really get on well with the Vulcans a lot of people mistake Vulcans for
25:16Cardassians and then there's like this artificially created species called the gem hadar now the gem hadar
25:21They're warriors, but like they don't like they're not like the Klingons Klingons have like a really interesting culture
25:28And also they were only portrayed by ethnic minorities. So like they were the first woke aliens, right?
25:33So what was the question
25:42If you wanted a sense of what going into a black hole is like
25:44Black holes are the best holes
25:55Now how many limbs does a starfish have
26:00I think this is a trap. Yes, it is. I don't think it has any limbs
26:05I think it's naught is the correct. Yes
26:14I feel my work with you grasshopper is done
26:18Yeah, so what does it look like looks like a star but it doesn't really look like a star doesn't really look like a fish either
26:24So how many legs does it?
26:27Looked right. How many we got three four five on okay, so it looks like five legs sticking out from a central torso and actually penises
26:35No, it's all head
26:38So what happened is scientists looked at it and thought well, where's the head?
26:42So they started looking for the head gene and the torso gene and so on and the truth was completely the opposite to what we've all assumed
26:48The head gene was absolutely everywhere. It was even in the tips of the arms
26:52The torso was completely missing the starfish is all head and no legs. So that's just one big face
26:58When we were talking about the walrus we talked about a definition of the leg as an organ of support and locomotion for the animal body
27:04What it does have is how many feet do you think 10 000 you're very close 15 000 around feet wow tiny tube feet
27:13Which are all over the body there we go look at that tiny tiny feet
27:17So it's basically all head and lots and lots of feet
27:22But it does have an anus in case anybody was worrying about it. Is that the thing in the middle or is that the mouth?
27:28The mouth is at the center of the underside. Yeah, so it shits out of its head
27:32It's the center of the upper side of the body
27:35They eat by dropping their stomach out of their mouth. They wrap it around the food they digest it externally
27:41And then they pull the whole stomach back into the mouth and then they poo it out the top of their head. Yeah, wow
27:47I know, I know
27:49That's starfish for you all mouth and no trousers now
27:52Let's see who's the biggest smarty pants and take a look at tonight's scores
27:57So our winner tonight. Oh like a duck to water with minus two. It's alan
28:02That is cool
28:10Uh in second place still the cat's whiskers with minus nine sam
28:19In third place on a wild goose chase with minus nine holly
28:22And last the world might be your oyster, but this one's gone off with minus 28 nabeel
28:40That's it for this edition of qi thanks to sam nabeel holly and alan and i leave you with this from bob hope
28:47My father told me all about the birds and the bees the liar. I went steady with a woodpecker until I was 21
28:54Thank you and good night
29:08You
29:16Thank you
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