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00:00Hello and welcome to two johnny's late night
00:29Good luck in!
00:34Lad, you were out the weekend?
00:36I was. Do you know who was asking for you in the pub Saturday night?
00:38Who?
00:39No one.
00:41Right, Jon, let's get on with the show.
00:43Yes, indeed, lads. On the show tonight, he's the funniest, most handsome,
00:46charming, best guest probably we've ever had, probably ever will have.
00:49Why are you being so nice? Are you giving him a big build-up?
00:51Well, I don't want to make him angry, do I? He'd flog the head off the two of us.
00:54It's Mick Conlon!
00:59And breakfast time just wouldn't be right without her.
01:05That's right, the queen of morning television, it's Myrtle O'Connor!
01:13Now...
01:14Now, lads, lads...
01:15Sorry, let's get serious for a second, because as you all know,
01:18this is a very inclusive show, diversity and all that.
01:21We've even got someone from Offaly.
01:25It's the great Neil Delamere!
01:29There's two, there's two.
01:30And we will have a performance from Irish track music royalty,
01:41Sharon Shannon and Alan Connor!
01:43WELL!
01:44APPLAUSE
01:49Right, now, it's time to find out, who's in the bar?
01:52We're in the bar!
01:54Who's in the bar?
01:55We're in the bar!
01:56Now, ladies and gentleman, you may not know this,
02:00we don't like to bring it up too often, but...
02:02Tip one, the All-Ireland!
02:03The All-Ireland
02:07Take that carlo
02:10And tonight in the bar is a very important guest can I make my way down please if you don't mind ladies and gentlemen
02:16Sorry, how are you? You're not our guest, but thank you
02:20Not you and the Kenny Jersey either lads because if you don't mind right here behind you all all evening has been
02:26Delim mccarton
02:33Tipperary we're lucky enough to win it this year
02:38But only ten counties have ever won the hurling All-Ireland championship and had the chance to climb those hallowed steps and make the famous speech
02:45So we thought we'd let some counties who have never won the All-Ireland
02:51Some people here in the audience might like to lift this I can see a whole mix of jerseys. Where you guys from?
02:56I'm Baltimore, America. Baltimore have never won it
02:59Right is say for example. Is there anyone here from Tehran?
03:08Okay, let's go have a chance
03:12This this this should go well, I think
03:15Okay, who's from Tehran?
03:18You're all from Tehran. Yeah, who's the dead designated captain of this team?
03:24Okay, what's your name? Marcus Kelly and what part of Tony from Trillac the basketball
03:28Trillac, okay, how do we know you're actually from Tehran?
03:31That's a good question, eh, but I suppose nobody would pretend to be from Tehran
03:37I'm only joking my job. So, Tehran have never won the Liam McCarty, have they? That's right, eh, no
03:42Well, would you like the chance now to lift a cup and make a speech?
03:45Jeez, I'd love it, eh
03:46Okay, are you ready? So, in your own time, ready?
03:48I'm all right
03:49What would you like to thank?
03:52Jeez, I'd like to thank my own family and all the good people at Trillacon
03:55Especially my uncle Rodney Kelly big inspiration for me
03:57No, this is unbelievable never thought I'd lift this thing in my life
04:01Kelly big inspiration no this is unbelievable never thought I'd left this thing in my life
04:10thanks very much give it up to Ron everybody
04:17back to you Johnny Smacks thank you John now as Johnny B said only 10 counties have won
04:22the Lee McCarthy Cup one of those counties have won it since 1998
04:26I am of course talking about Offaly Neil do you remember the summer of 1998 shut your face
04:35yes it was brilliant absolutely brilliant first team to be knocked out and still win it
04:38when it got in the back door the way all Offaly people like to do it
04:44that sounded weird
04:47I'm from Rosgray so right on the border yeah occupied Offaly yeah
04:52so you know I'm always kind of giving Offaly a ribbon
04:54but I think it's it's time that you know we get the Lee McCarthy or we'll give it to an Offaly man
04:58oh yes please I think it's only Fairlands would you like to see Neil Delamere lift the Lee McCarthy Cup
05:03I don't know about this for the boys of Offaly
05:11I don't know if I can do this John there's a good chance there's a good
05:14chance I may not be able to show me face around Rosgrave for a while but Neil Delamere
05:18you've surely practiced this in the mirror as a young fella
05:20no I knew I was so shite I didn't get anyone here I'd like to thank my uncle Rodney Kelly
05:28he's he moved down from Tyrone and this is why we won can I do the speech I would make
05:33oh lads it's listen it's customary in this position we want to say hip hip array to the losing team
05:39but it was Kilkenny and you can't beat those fuckers by enough so
05:51yeah put it up lift it up lift it up get it up get it up get it up
05:56enough of that
06:00well can we just say give it up for our fake winners of the Lee McCarthy Cup for
06:04Liam Delamere most importantly it's Lee McCarthy
06:07right are you ready to meet our first guest
06:14okay now ladies and gentlemen let's get ready to rumble
06:26for tonight's main event fighting out of Belfast Ireland former world championship
06:30gold medal winner WBC international federal champion his hands are dead neared in the
06:35team and to win a full forward line it's Michael Connery
06:40can't stop or take the TV shanty jump top instead of a run away big
06:45change my time like a limitation just get us into the revelation
06:50walk through the path to the place for the place for the place for
06:53this part to be an image you stay for
06:56get down my walk to the earth's friend peace and love is living through us dead
07:01No alcohol you better go do
07:03Don't cry, you know, but you can still do
07:06Go, go, go, go, go
07:08Go, go, go, go
07:10Go, go, go
07:12Calm it down, calm it down
07:14No, calm it down
07:16Mick, how are you?
07:18Something tonight?
07:20The lads are going mintle in the back there
07:22They're ready
07:23Do you get that every time you walk into the pub?
07:25No, can't wait
07:26Well, it's just free drinks
07:28That's better, that's better
07:30I'd like to congratulate you on your recent win
07:32Cheers
07:33Yeah, how was it? Are you feeling good all recovered?
07:35I didn't feel like a thought on the night
07:38It was just like
07:39It's over, okay, happy days
07:41How quick was it over?
07:43Four rounds
07:44That was your first time fighting in the tree arena?
07:46First time in the tree arena
07:47What was that like?
07:49I'm going to cry
07:51Unbelievable
07:54First fighter
07:56The fight both main arenas north and south
07:58So, I've always wanted to fight in the tree
08:00And being there for events, music events
08:02Your boys concerts
08:04So, you know, hit the gigs
08:06Yeah, it was special
08:08The atmosphere was just unbelievable
08:10You know, me and Smacks had a fight in the tree arena before
08:13Yeah, I'd put the wrong shampoo in my dressing room
08:15Would you?
08:17What is that?
08:18They'd put one
08:19Oh no, come on
08:21It's a draw
08:22We can't afford to fall in
08:25Well, you can't yet
08:27You did take nearly twelve months off boxing
08:32ain't
08:33A year already
08:34And how was that, light
08:35Did you stay right or are we going off eight-inch neck boxes
08:37Boxes and cans of Fanta or my last defeat I was contemplating whether I was going to continue boxing
08:44Really? I'm going to take time off but I know if I take time off and do nothing
08:48Yeah, I'll go crazy and get up to no good and do things you shouldn't do. I believe you
08:55So they say they run a marathon, train for a marathon, run a marathon. How did you get on?
09:00I'd done it in 2 hours 55 minutes
09:07How did you get yourself ready for going back in the ring after 12 months of running so in the room?
09:12It was the same. Am I gonna box together? Yeah, and you're getting up
09:175 a.m. In the ring
09:19Pessing down freezing and one I'm not gonna pay for us
09:31Started to think like what they want to do to believe I can still be a world champion
09:34And I said yes, and that's the only reason I'm part
09:36Wow
09:46When you went back training were you sharp? Sharp? Fuck me
09:51I forgot how to box. I was sparring and there were lower level guys and I was shite
09:58But then everything started to flow. Do you feel like you've unfinished business?
10:01I want to be world champion. Professional world champion. You know, it's actually 10 years to the day
10:06Yeah, that I won the world championships
10:08Well, still the first and only man ever to do it from from the country, so
10:12I want to be the first person to do both amateur and professional
10:16Speaking of unfinished business. Yeah at the Olympics in 2016 you had unfinished business like
10:21Do you still think about the Olympics like in in terms of?
10:24Here's you saying hello to the judges
10:29So for people who don't remember what was this this was 2016 2016 Olympics
10:34There was a fix put in the team were told I wasn't told
10:38And they were told go get help and then they came back listens too late
10:41This is this fix is in I fought the Russian Vladimir Nikitin who actually fought in professionals and I was actually a nice guy
10:48And I actually felt bad at all the shit I give him but
10:52Because it's not his fault it was obviously the whole situation, but I was proven right yeah five years on you were vindicated
10:58Yeah, and now that organization who run that that Olympic games they're not they're not a part of anymore
11:05No, you do have an Olympic tattoo. Yeah, where you're tempted to get that. Oh, there you go
11:08I'm a bit of a way to the right I have one by that once
11:16Like how do you feel about the Olympics everybody you didn't think about getting it covered up around
11:20Listen, I have London on that and never but real one. Yeah, looking back on it
11:25I was like no one's gonna want to touch me. Well, I was wrong
11:28I didn't know it blew up and then then they tweet putting and it was just worst thing
11:32Hey, bro, how much did you pay them?
11:45He's here tonight
11:47Oh
11:50I'm not laughing
11:55Scouriest
11:57The time for about a year or two after that anything about seeing versions I shit myself
12:02I was like someone's just gonna stick a pen on me
12:04And I'll have cyanide poisoning
12:06Look in the head in boxing while you use me who do you want to fight next?
12:09There's plenty there's big big names around this and I would like to avenge the loss
12:14For the world title which I was up and lost in the last round against lee wood
12:19Josh whiten is our Nathaniel Collins is there
12:22There's plenty of big names are in there and I'm happy to fit any of the big ones
12:25And the next week will be a big one. It's gonna be March time
12:28Well, we've got a camera here tonight if there's anyone you want to call out, Mick
12:32Do you want to see it?
12:32I want JB and smacks
12:35All right, all right, all right
12:45Even the two of us got in there
12:47All right
12:47Mick
12:48Yeah
12:48Before a big fight
12:50How are you getting psyched up?
12:51You listen to music?
12:52Watch movies?
12:52What are you into?
12:53Music and movies obviously I love to watch like I probably watch gladiator
12:59Well over a hundred times
13:00And I'll watch it like probably twice or three teams on fight week
13:03Braveheart as well
13:04Then just a lot of rebel music
13:06No, me
13:09You know, you know when Braveheart and lady are like
13:11The main lads die
13:13But that's the thing
13:14You gotta be willing
13:15You gotta know what you're willing to give in there
13:16Yeah
13:17You gotta be in there giving out your all
13:19And they're preparing themselves for battle
13:21That's what you're doing
13:21In a fight you're preparing yourself for battle
13:23And what happens in there can happen
13:25Yeah
13:26Do you ever watch Rocky?
13:27Not before
13:29I know what I used to watch Rocky for
13:31When uh
13:31Why Rocky for?
13:32The Russian lad
13:33When he fights the Russian
13:35When he fights the Russian it's the best
13:39You're absolutely loved in Belfast
13:40There's murals of you
13:42Around the city
13:42What's it like driving around and seeing like a giant painting of yourself?
13:46The first thing I've seen after 2012 Olympics
13:48I'm driving back down
13:50The street where I grew up where I'm born
13:52And there's a big mural
13:54I wasn't told anything about it
13:55Go ahead
13:55I was like what the fuck's going on here?
13:58I hear people trying to make a first party
14:00You don't make a fuss about it
14:01We have a couple of them here
14:02You're on the right
14:03Yeah
14:04Do you know where this is?
14:05Yeah it's Beachmount
14:06Yeah
14:07Is this like your mam's gaff or something?
14:08No
14:08No
14:11I'd love a mural of myself on my own house
14:13It's probably the only place to direct one
14:15We've got another one of you Mick here as well
14:17Yeah
14:17Yeah that's a false rule
14:18This is you getting hit by a taxi
14:22Can I ask what's with the Aladdin pants?
14:30They're not my shorts either
14:31They're not your shorts
14:31They've destroyed them all
14:33We've wondered like what it's like to get hit by a professional boxer
14:36Yeah
14:37And thankfully Johnny V has said he's willing
14:39To get hit by a professional boxer
14:47So
14:48I mean
14:49He's Putin
14:49Would you
14:51Would you
14:52I wouldn't hit him
14:54Would you do as the honours of me?
14:55I'll just leave one
14:55I'll just put one on
14:56Yeah whichever you
14:57You're one hand at a time
14:58You're the boss
14:58I'm not going to argue with you Mick
15:00What do you call this thing?
15:01It's a body bag yeah
15:03Yeah
15:03A body bag
15:04That's what he's going to be carried out with him
15:07Let's start with this and see where we go
15:09Give him a good one homie
15:10Hang on
15:10Hello
15:10I want to see the cameras
15:12Like if this is to be how I die
15:13I want the cameras to
15:15At least have a new
15:15Can you scoot over this way?
15:16Yeah
15:16Here we go
15:17Let Stuart get it
15:17Let me move this the other way a bit
15:19Oh my god
15:20Now
15:21This one
15:21I haven't even watched
15:22This one's
15:24But this one's not that parted
15:26Good good
15:28Good
15:28It is
15:29It is a bit
15:29Give it to him Mick
15:30Fucking give it to him
15:32You sound like that
15:33Yeah
15:35All right
15:45Why are you going again?
15:50Can we do one more?
15:50You hit me with your bad hand
15:51Ah
15:52Appreciate that
16:07Well
16:08I have to throw all your time for tonight lads
16:12We're all behind me
16:12Can't we?
16:13Give it to him
16:20He's gone white as a ghost
16:31That is
16:32One of my top ten favourite times I've ever been punched in a bar
16:36We've got a game for you
16:38Yes indeed
16:38We do
16:38This game is called dating or relating
16:40It won't be tough on the body at all lads
16:43Neil and Murley up for playing?
16:44Yeah
16:45So this is how it goes lads
16:46We have a camera down in Waterford City
16:48And going off a couple's looks
16:49And nothing else
16:50We have to guess
16:50Are they dating or are they related?
16:52Right
16:53Yes
16:53Here we go
16:54Let's go live to Waterford
16:55Here we go
16:56Here we go
16:57This couple
16:59What have we written?
17:00Give them the finger
17:01Okay
17:02They're dating
17:02All right lads
17:04Lads don't say anything
17:05But you're on television with the two johnnies
17:07Nod your head if you're up for playing a game
17:09Okay
17:09Dating or related?
17:11Okay lads
17:11What do you think?
17:12Definitely
17:13Yeah
17:13They're dating
17:13I think they're dating
17:15Have they got similar eyes?
17:16That's what I'm thinking
17:17Audience what do you reckon?
17:20I'll tell you what
17:21We'll find out after the break
17:22I can't make it down
17:24I can't make it down
17:25So get out your seat
17:26Jump around
17:26Jump around
17:29Jump up
17:30Jump up
17:30And get down
17:31Jump
17:32Jump
17:32Jump
17:33Jump
17:33Jump
17:34Jump
17:35Jump
17:35Jump
17:36Jump
17:37Jump
17:47You
17:47Jump
17:48jump
17:49toe
17:51το
17:52Welcome back to the two Johnnies late night locking now before the break we had our camera out in the streets of Waterford and we
18:02Wanted to find out if this couple were dating or related here they are and they are standing boy lads
18:07What do we reckon are they dating are they related?
18:11Shows are you dating or are you related?
18:22How long have you been together girls?
18:26A year today!
18:32Thanks girls, thanks very much
18:34Ok lads big thank you to everybody on the streets of Waterford but now it is time for some brilliant stand-up
18:40Everybody put your hands together one of Ireland's best and most loved comedians it's Neil Delamere!
18:46Hello!
19:00This is the weirdest RT show I have ever done ladies and gentlemen and I gave it up for Michael Conlon by the way what a legend he is
19:08Yes! Yes! Yes!
19:12It is the weirdest RT show I have done I just recently did High Road Low Road for RT1
19:16Did anybody see it? Yeah if anybody see it ok you flick a coin 2% flick a coin one person gets the High Road the high end 5 star experience
19:22The other person gets the Low Road the shite experience High Road Low Road
19:26Colin Murphy and I went to Poland Colin Murphy got front row tickets to a Coldplay concert
19:30Backstage passes and a chance to chat to Chris Martin one on one for 25 minutes and I got the High Road
19:37Stayed at home
19:43Didn't chat to Coldplay I know
19:47No I love Coldplay I would happily enough go to a Coldplay concert but I'm not having an affair
19:53It's nice to be back in Ireland as well I fly too much I figured this out recently because I've noticed you have to stand different ways in different airport scanners if anybody has noticed this
20:03So Dublin Airport is that one and then Heathrow is that one and then Knock
20:09And then Knock
20:19Yeah
20:21Cairo is that one there
20:23I do I do fly too much but I'm a good flyer let me just say I hate holding anybody up
20:27When I go through a toll bridge I have the exact change in that hand I have a credit card in the other hand I have an e-tag right
20:33When I go to the doctor I take my trousers off sometimes
20:35In in in on the bus on the way to him right and he's a psychiatrist there's no need for me to get my trousers off
20:43So I'm ready when I go through security and can we agree between me and the 200 of you in this pub that the people who only get their belongings in order
20:51When they are at and not before the x-ray machines in an airport should be executed
20:59Do you know those people?
21:05Do I have to take off my coat and my belt even though everybody else in the queue for the last 45 minutes in front of me has been taken off the coat and their belt
21:11And there's a voice saying take off your coat and your belt and a sign saying take off your coat and your belt and a sniffer dog going
21:19Right
21:21Do I have to take off my coat and my belt?
21:24That'd be it
21:26Double tap to the back of the head step over the body on the edge tarmalinas
21:29Wouldn't give a shit
21:31Wouldn't even shoot them I'd smothered them with the clear plastic bag that they have so willfully ignored
21:37I fly too much, I drive too much, I know this
21:41I have a diesel car and I love a diesel
21:44I've never seen a room more diesel than this room I'll be honest with you
21:48I've never seen
21:50I've seen a couple of Armagh jerseys so it's probably
21:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll buy my diesel from you later on shall we say, right?
22:01Yeah wink wink, good man yourself
22:03Well, I like diesel because when you switch off a diesel engine the car shudders doesn't it?
22:08It kind of goes like that doesn't it?
22:12Do you know what it reminds me of?
22:13Do you know when you're on your A-game with your partner in the bedroom and then you separate and your missus kind of goes
22:19Have you ever had that?
22:20I can see women looking at their fellas like
22:22I've never shuddered John, I have never shuddered in my entire life
22:26I've, I've fake shuddered a couple of times to get you off me
22:29But I've never shuddered properly
22:31What about last week?
22:32That was a cough, a splutter and a fart
22:33I've never shuddered properly
22:35I do lots of gigs round have to say
22:37This isn't the weirdest RT show I've done
22:39I did a show once and we met the German youth bobsled team
22:41Right?
22:42Nineteen ripped
22:43All in their skin tight costumes
22:45I looked like someone had put Spanx on a snowman when I put mine on
22:49And I said how fast will this go?
22:51And he goes
22:52The only way quicker down the mountain is an avalanche
22:54Right?
22:55Right?
22:57So
22:58I cacked myself when I heard that
23:00So the four of us get into this thing
23:02This bobsled
23:03And it starts from
23:04And they know what they're doing
23:05So they're tucked in like this
23:06I'm like a dog looking out a car window
23:07Like
23:08I have never been rattled like it in my life
23:10I've never been in a situation where one ball hit off the other ball
23:14And I get out really really shook
23:17And normally you don't think of the right thing to say
23:19But sometimes God goes
23:20Here's what you should say
23:21So I get out
23:22I'm a bit shook
23:23And the captain of the German youth bobsled team
23:25He's nineteen years of age
23:27And this is his
23:28This is his bailiwick
23:29This is what he does
23:30He looks at me
23:31And he tries to kind of embarrass me
23:32I think
23:33He goes
23:34So Mr. Irish man
23:35Bet you've never had this much fun before
23:37Hmm?
23:38With one man in between your legs
23:39And two other men
23:40Queued up right behind you
23:42I was like
23:43Clearly you've never done rock the boat in an Irish wedding
23:45I was like
23:46Clearly you've never done rock the boat in an Irish wedding
23:49Yeah
23:50This has been a joy
23:51Thank you
23:52Thank you
23:57That was good
23:58Well done
23:59Well done
24:00That was good
24:01Well done
24:02Well done
24:03Thank you
24:04Well done
24:06Neil Deliver everyone
24:07Oh my God
24:08And you can check out neildeliver.com for upcoming tour dates
24:10Massive round of applause once again lad
24:12Now ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the greatest quiz of all time. It's the parish quiz
24:29Now normally at this point of the show we would play the team tune to the parish quiz
24:33But tonight the woman who made the song famous is here. So would you do us the honor? Sharon Shannon, everybody
24:42Oh
25:00Every week we invite two people on and we test their local knowledge as they represent their parish in the parish quiz
25:06And our first parish is Ross Lurie and County Mead and representing them is the great John Lynch. Come on John Lynch
25:12Well done Mike
25:14John, how are things? What's the story in Ross Lurie Mike?
25:18Keeping well, yeah, good crack
25:20What do you do for work John?
25:22I am a farmer
25:24You're a farmer? I'd have never guessed
25:28You can see the hardship from here John
25:32What do you farm?
25:33Dairy, beef and sheep
25:35What don't you farm would have been an easier question
25:38Do you have a favourite animal?
25:40I do, erm, Snoopy the cow
25:44Snoopy the cow now, is Snoopy the cow just your favourite or is it a pet or what?
25:48Oh it's a pet, yeah, no, she
25:50As a calf and a heifer she used to snoop into her pockets
25:54To see what she could find
25:56Usually sweets or something, you know
25:58Something good
26:00That's why she got the name Snoopy
26:02Way over that you're a farmer, there's a load of money in there
26:04There's none of that Johnny
26:08Brilliant stuff
26:09Let's give it up for John Lynch
26:16Our second parish representing the County Kerry is Lake Snaw and representing Lake Snaw is Karen McCarty
26:22How are you Karen?
26:24Thank you
26:28What's the crackdown in Lake Snaw?
26:30Ah look, there's always something happening
26:32There's always something going on
26:33One thing we heard about Lake Snaw is you have a famous school in Well
26:37We do
26:38What's the story of the Well?
26:39St. Michael's Well
26:40So it is
26:42Probably
26:43An area in Lake Snaw that's forgotten about
26:45But it actually is the most beautiful place
26:47There is like a long stroll down to the Well
26:49We have a pattern day on the 29th of September every year
26:53Yeah
26:54So on the pattern day people come to the Well
26:56And they leave money behind
26:58There's like a life-size structure of the Archangel
27:02Hey Michael
27:03Lovely
27:04And you leave your money there
27:05Parish priest comes along the following morning
27:07Collects all the money
27:10And he says
27:11He says the most beautiful mass
27:13Right
27:14For everybody that has left the money
27:15For cash
27:16It is donated
27:17Okay, okay
27:18And that's the rule
27:19Give it up for Cameron Cartley everybody
27:29Let's get down to business lads
27:30It's time to play the parish quiz
27:31We're kicking off with John in Ross Noree
27:33Here's your question
27:34Hi Johnny
27:35Congratulations on becoming the third Johnny
27:37Just to ask you
27:39Who was the captain of the St. Mary's
27:41Adult team
27:42That won the Junior B Championship
27:44And here's his mother
27:54It's a mirage
27:55Yeah
27:56Sorry, the man asking the question is standing right there
28:01And then the mother is there
28:04You obviously recognise that woman
28:05I do, yeah
28:06Who is it?
28:07Who is it?
28:08It's Mammy
28:09Wait, the woman in the video is your mother?
28:12Yeah
28:13Okay, so the answer to the question is
28:15My brother James Lynch
28:17Let's find out if you're right
28:19And the answer is James Lynch
28:23James Lynch
28:24Yes
28:29Alright Karen are you ready?
28:30Yeah, go on go for it
28:31Let's go to Leakes now for your question
28:34Hello Karen, Kathleen and Foley's
28:37We have two popular meats in the Delhi
28:40One is the ham, what is the other?
28:44Right, that is Foley's
28:45Okay
28:46What's the big meat?
28:47Before I answer this question right
28:49Kathleen rang me this morning
28:50And she had knitted these for me
28:52Over the night
28:53Oh she does
28:54Yeah
28:55So I just want to shout out to Kathleen for that
29:01You better not let her down by getting this question wrong
29:05One of two big meats
29:06So Kathleen
29:07Oh, Kathleen has a lovely fridge
29:08And she does amazing coleslaw and potato salad
29:10And
29:11Gonna have to push you for a meat
29:12Corned beef
29:13We'll go with corned beef
29:14Okay, let's go back to Foley's and find out
29:17And
29:20The answer is
29:21Corned beef
29:28Right John
29:29We're heading back to County Mead
29:30Here's your next question
29:32Well Johnny, Scott here
29:33I'm Morton Meats
29:34As you know we do home delivery
29:35We do a party pack
29:36You get a kilo of chicken cujuns
29:37A kilo of chicken bites
29:38A kilo of cocktail of sausages
29:39A kilo of chicken wings
29:40A kilo of potato wedges
29:42How much is that pack?
29:45He wasn't sped up
29:46I know
29:47I know
29:48I don't think that
29:49That's you
29:50That's you
29:52I'm surprised you have time to come here
29:55Right
29:56I don't want a super value
29:57How much
29:58How much is the party pack?
29:59It's a good pack now
30:00It's 30 euro
30:0230 euro
30:0330 euro
30:04It's just good value for this
30:05Let's find out
30:07And the answer is
30:0830 euro
30:14How do you know that?
30:15How do you know that?
30:16How do you know that?
30:17Come on
30:18Guys, Cosgrove
30:19Alright
30:21Are you ready Karen?
30:22Yeah, go on
30:23OK, let's go to Lix now for our next question
30:24Hi Karen
30:26Tom here
30:27How do we get man?
30:28I'm standing here now in front of the doctor's surgery
30:31And many many years ago it was a shop
30:34That sold everything
30:36Groceries
30:37And actually had petrol pumps in front of it here in front of it. Can you name the name of the shop the old shop that was here?
30:46Tom wants to know what was the name of the shop that used to be there? Oh, fuck you Tom
30:54So there was two
30:57But the petrol pumps I'm gonna go with lynchers
31:00Okay, let's go back to Tom see how he's getting on and the answer is lynch a shop
31:07Oh
31:13Which means we go to the tiebreaker question all right now
31:16What we want to ask you for that tiebreaker question is the Lee McCarty cup is a special guest in the bar
31:22But we want to know what weight to nearest kilo is the Lee McCarty copy can have a quick grab of it there
31:32She's heavier than a pound of sugar anyway
31:37Rationale
31:39I'd say four and a half kilos four and a half kilos. You're saying okay four point five kilos locked in Karen
31:46Five five five point five kilos
31:50Well, we can reveal great sound effects that the Lee McCarty cup weighs
31:553.6 kg
31:57Congratulations
31:59Apparently it's not
32:01This week's winner is John from Rosslyn Lee
32:11Now let's get to the good part the prizes okay
32:14Johnny B has got two gold envelopes there in one of those envelopes is an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas. Yes
32:21Yes
32:23We're blowing the budget this series lads in the other is one kg of the finest potato wedges
32:30It's a good prize either way
32:32Do you know what? Either way John you're winning
32:34Right
32:35What are you going for John?
32:37Oh I think I'll go for this one
32:38Okay
32:39Well John open it up let the people know at home scream it out what have you won
32:43Please be Vegas please be Vegas
32:45Please be Vegas
32:46The wedges
32:48The wedges is one of the new wedges
32:50And
32:52We had them here
32:54Lucky you had them
32:56Lads commiserations to Karen give it up one more time for John R Paris Crisweller
33:03Now still to come we'll be chatting to Mirren O'Connell we'll also be chatting to Neil Delamere
33:11We'll have music from Sharon Shannon and Alan Connor
33:14Lads stay with us don't go anywhere Sharon will he gives an old blast out there to the brain
33:18Right Alan
33:19Well I took a stroll on the old long walk
33:22Sing it A-I-A-I-A
33:24I met a little girl and I stopped to talk on a grand talk A-I-A
33:29Tell me what would you do
33:33Because her hair was black and her eyes were blue
33:38Yeah I took her hand
33:40And I gave her a whirl
33:43And I lost my heart to a ball day girl
33:49Yes
33:50Welcome back to The Two Johnny's Late Night Lock In
33:51Yay!
33:52Welcome back to The Two Johnny's Late Night Lock In
33:54How are you John?
33:55Great lad just got a new tattoo
33:56Oh does it hurt?
33:57Depends where you get it
33:58Where'd you get it?
33:59Where'd you get it?
34:00That'll hurt
34:01Right let's get on with the show lad
34:02Look who's at the bar it's only Neil Denimere
34:05Yay!
34:06What's cracking how are you?
34:07I'm very good
34:09This is very enjoyable
34:10Yeah how it is
34:14Is visuals
34:36A-Ik?
34:37You're on the road, you're in Ireland and the UK, you know, you're flat to the boards.
34:42What's the difference between touring Ireland and the UK, I suppose?
34:46Things are different, like, they don't have the same cultural references as us, necessarily.
34:50Most of the things they kind of get, but then sometimes, like, I used to tell a story that Irish people would be appalled by.
34:55Okay, I'll tell you what the story was.
34:58So, I drove up to a T-junction, right, and I was going right at the top of the T-junction,
35:02and I saw the Irish sound of a car going round the T-junction, but I didn't see what it was, right?
35:05So, there's a gap there, and there's a long line of cars on the left, and so I pulled in, right, into the gap.
35:11The guy behind me beat me, and I went, sorry, sorry, because the gap wasn't massive.
35:14And as I got round the top of the T-junction, I realised that the car in front of me was a hearse.
35:22And that is the correct response, right?
35:25And now I was the lead car in a stranger's funeral, right?
35:32And London people go, oh my God, and Irish people go, you're a disgrace.
35:34Look at these people, I hope you start making sandwiches for the family.
35:38So, what happens is you start talking to yourself, going, maybe I'm not in the middle of a funeral,
35:42maybe, maybe it's not a funeral.
35:45There's a coffin in the back of a car.
35:48What do you think, it's a Dracula getting a taxi?
35:49It's a, look, it's clearly, like, they're all dressed in black.
35:53It could be a goth pride parade.
35:54It's not a goth pride parade.
35:56It's clearly a funeral.
35:57Look, oh, pull up your hood.
35:58I was wearing a black hoodie.
36:00You can't drive behind a hearse and pull up a black hood.
36:04You look like the Grim Reaper making sure the job has been done properly.
36:10So, I had nowhere to pull in because of school collection time.
36:12So, I said, fuck it, I'm going to pass it, right?
36:15Correct response.
36:17In London, nothing.
36:18Look at these people, look, look.
36:20So, I pulled up.
36:21The left and Carol just left.
36:22Left.
36:23Left.
36:24Yeah.
36:25I just pulled out and floored it.
36:28Wrong gear.
36:29It took about seven minutes.
36:30I was just like.
36:31And then I pulled in in front of him and there was another horse.
36:35Jesus.
36:35Two people had died.
36:38I had to go up to the graveyard.
36:41Now, would you tell a story like that that's so Irish and Irish people are appalled
36:44and London people are like, no, that's fine.
36:46Sometimes you have to get the balance right of those things, you know.
36:49We were talking to Mick Conlon.
36:51We know, do you have a dog called Mick?
36:52I do, yeah.
36:53Not after him.
36:54Not after him, no.
36:57Well, I have two dogs.
36:58I had two dogs.
36:59I've had a three-legged lurcher called Lola for years.
37:02And then we fostered Mick, who has four legs.
37:05And there they are there, yeah.
37:07I don't know.
37:09I don't know what they're doing.
37:14It looks like Lola's going, you've got to earn your place in this house, Mick.
37:25Now it's lost its leg.
37:27So I, but Mick, Mick has taught me about how stupid my neighbours are.
37:31Because I was out walking Mick after I got him first on his own.
37:35And my next door neighbour was like, is that a different dog?
37:40No, we just got back from Lourdes and had an ex-girlfriend.
37:45Yes, it's a different dog.
37:47And he goes, I knew it was different.
37:48He's much darker.
37:50That's not the main point of difference, right?
37:53But she's, they're the light of my lives.
37:56That's the absolute, I adore them.
37:57Blast, give it up for Neil Delamere.
37:58Okay, time to meet our next guest.
38:05Let's head over to Seamus the Sheep, of course,
38:07who always decides who our next guest is going to be.
38:09Now, is it going to be Daniel O'Connell, Myrne O'Connell,
38:12or Billie Eilish O'Connell?
38:13John, why is Billie Eilish there?
38:15It's actually her name, Billie Eilish O'Connell.
38:17Wait a minute.
38:17Yeah, no relation though, I heard.
38:19Now, who is it?
38:20Of course it is.
38:21Myrne O'Connell.
38:22Yeah!
38:22Yeah!
38:22Yeah!
38:23Yeah!
38:23Yeah!
38:24Yeah!
38:24Yeah!
38:25Yeah!
38:25Yeah!
38:25Yeah!
38:26Yeah!
38:27Yeah!
38:28Thank you for coming in, bringing a bit of class to this place.
38:40Well, a pleasure.
38:41Just, it's not Halloween, but I am wearing, like,
38:43the sluttiest version of all of our primary school uniforms.
38:46I didn't realise it was going to be this short last time.
38:48So, so, so sorry.
38:49Thank God we're not on breakfast tonight, you know, lads!
38:53Myrne, it's nice for us to interview you for a change,
38:55because normally you're interviewing us,
38:57you, you interviewed us the first ever time we were on telly.
38:59I did.
39:00This is only my second ever time being interviewed on telly,
39:02and the first time was just after my father had died.
39:05So, I'm hoping you'll bring it up a little bit later.
39:07Yeah!
39:08Yeah!
39:08It can only go up, he's six feet under, so come on, let's go.
39:13It's okay, he's my father, I mean, it's okay.
39:19It's okay.
39:20Neil actually drove a head to the funeral.
39:21So, do you remember, that was probably our first time we've ever been interviewed on television.
39:31Do you remember it?
39:32I do remember it.
39:33You were, you were big hits, there was a lot of fans at the time.
39:36There you go.
39:37Do you know how you were, how we got you on the show?
39:39No.
39:40Do you know what happened?
39:41Can you remember when you got your first job, like, when you were in transition year and stuff like that?
39:44Your mom rang up the local shop and said, give someone, give someone a job.
39:51Well, look at the face on them.
39:54Their version of their mother was, Tipperary legend, Brendan Cummins.
39:59Brendan Cummins.
40:03He rang up the six o'clock show and said, there's two very funny lads down here in Tipperary,
40:07I think you should have them on the show.
40:08Brendan Cummins was hurling going for Tipperary, you know, pundit.
40:11Legend.
40:12He rang the show.
40:13He rang the show and said, do you know, I think you should have them on the show.
40:14The two lads.
40:15That's how you got on.
40:16Brendan.
40:17Brendan, if you're watching, thanks very much.
40:18Look at this.
40:19I remember that day and the happy pair were cooking.
40:27Yeah.
40:28And I wasn't really paying attention.
40:29And they were cooking and they said, we should invite you over for a barbecue.
40:32And I was like, oh, yeah, I'll bring the chops.
40:35Completely forgetting they're vegan.
40:37I just kind of wasn't, I hadn't been on telly before.
40:40And two of them fainted right there.
40:42It wasn't an idea to start.
40:43We do have a clip of us making that first appearance.
40:46We're all looking a lot younger.
40:47Do people get annoyed when they figure out that you're singing about them, that you're
40:52taking them into your character?
40:53There's a couple.
40:54All right, yeah.
40:55Oh, yeah.
40:56So if all of the characters that you've annoyed show up with like rotten fruit and stuff,
41:00you're going to be like, no.
41:01What's happened?
41:02We're getting out of there.
41:03As long as we wear a ticket.
41:05That's us.
41:06You could have driven on that hair.
41:07That is impressive.
41:08That was rock solid.
41:09Yeah.
41:10So I do wear short skirts on television all the time.
41:11It's what we've learned from that.
41:12Wow.
41:13Look at you.
41:14What do you think about when you see that now?
41:15Time has been kind to one of us and one of us not so much.
41:20Mirren, we heard on the set you're offered for pranking each other.
41:33What?
41:34You're reading the autocue, like there's a screen and your words pop up.
41:37You've got to read them in real time.
41:39And we heard that sometimes you write things on each other's lines.
41:44Yeah, you try to catch people out.
41:46So what goes on?
41:47Well, it would have to be Alan doesn't care because he's like, what's a computer?
41:52Give me my tablet.
41:53He's from you.
41:54So like he just wants to pen and paper.
41:55But Tommy, you'll see him in the corner and he doesn't have any sort of a game face.
41:59So he's always going.
42:02And as soon as you hear him doing that, like one day, he literally put in the words from Anchorman.
42:06He just went, fuck you, San Diego.
42:08He thought and he put it in Alan.
42:11And Alan was about to do it until I like grabbed him back and went back in a minute on Ireland AM.
42:16He will, like, he'll just do it every single morning.
42:19And that one morning that you're sleepy, he'll catch you out.
42:22You catch it.
42:23Oh, he'll catch it.
42:24Have you done it back to him?
42:25We, recently, yeah, we did.
42:28He goes very read about the rude things.
42:30Like he really doesn't like doing them.
42:32He gets very embarrassed.
42:34So we had a guest on.
42:35Does everyone know The Fabulous Pharmacist, girls?
42:37Yes.
42:38Oh, you know The Fabulous.
42:39Do you know what her name of her book is?
42:41Her new book?
42:42Oh, they do.
42:43What is it?
42:44I love it.
42:45So it was my read.
42:46I was meant to say it.
42:47And it was like, coming up tomorrow morning on Ireland AM.
42:49And we gave it to Tommy.
42:50And he just goes, coming up.
42:52And he thought he was doing a sports thing.
42:53But we, myself and Alan, swapped the read.
42:55So he goes, I'm coming up tomorrow morning.
42:57We've got The Fabulous Pharmacist would love your vulva.
43:00And it was, and he just went, what, what?
43:05Like as though he'd never seen the word before in his entire life.
43:08And I was like, your poor wife.
43:11This is coming off really smutty.
43:16It's the cleanest show in the world.
43:18There is other lovely things.
43:20There is other lovely things on Ireland AM.
43:22You won VIP's most fashionable woman in the year.
43:25We're wearing primary school uniforms, everybody.
43:28Yeah.
43:30But your man, your man still gives out about your fashion choices from time to time.
43:34I mean, is it fair to say she's trollin' you have been?
43:36When I'm, she is my ultimate troll.
43:38Like there, there is trolls on Instagram and then there's my mother.
43:42I think when I won that award, not a word, not a peep, not a well done, not a, oh, you look lovely.
43:48Nothing.
43:49So I had to ban her from texting me when I'm live on television.
43:53Because it was, oh, stay to your hair.
43:55Jesus.
43:56Bit heavy with the makeup.
43:57Bit heavy with the makeup this morning.
43:59Do you think that, do you think that shirt is right?
44:01Oh my God, are you pregnant?
44:02Did you forget to tell me?
44:03And this has just...
44:04Wait, in the middle of the show?
44:05In the middle of, like it will start at seven and it will not stop until ten.
44:09So I had to ban her.
44:10We have some of the messages that your ma'am has sent you.
44:12Oh no.
44:13Can't see, she's got up, this is for you.
44:16The hair is, the hair is a big page.
44:18Can't see your face with your hair.
44:19With your hair, yeah.
44:20So this is in the middle of the show, you might shake your phone with the brain.
44:227.40 in the morning.
44:2320 to 8, I've been on air for 40 minutes.
44:26We have another one here.
44:27Hair lovely, but you're very pale.
44:29Very pale.
44:30It's not the time, Mary.
44:33We're living in different times, girls.
44:34Mary is on fire at 8.19, we've got another one here.
44:37Hate that blouse, Mirren.
44:38Bin bin.
44:39Bin bin.
44:40Like she'd come up to my house and the whole thing would be in the same fence as DePaul
44:46if she had an opportunity.
44:47Gone, gone, gone.
44:48Did you get rid of the blouse?
44:49No.
44:50Still use it to annoy her and I wear it on TV to this day, so you can guess which one it is.
44:54Let's have some more from Mary.
44:55During the break, brush her hair, hon.
44:57It's sticking out.
44:58No!
44:59Lovely frock.
45:00And then I listened to her with Pat Kenny yesterday.
45:02She's lovely.
45:03She's lovely.
45:04She's also, you know the way your producer's talking in your, my mother's producing Ireland
45:08AM from her bed in Limerick at all times.
45:11And I think this is my personal favourite.
45:13Love your jumper, TV tree keeps showing your space.
45:19I think what we're learning from this is I'm pretty whorish with the skirts on the telly.
45:23That's basically, that's it.
45:25Your man's also dead named TV tree.
45:29Always, she stays strong, she stays strong.
45:31Give it up for Mirren O'Connell everybody.
45:35You know what?
45:36I think we'll do one more game of dating or related.
45:39What do we reckon, lads?
45:40Yeah, dating or related?
45:41Yeah, let's go.
45:42Okay, well, seeing as you are the only real pro presenter here, you do live television all the time.
45:47Oh!
45:48Would you read the autocue and throw it to the link for us?
45:49I would love to.
45:50Where am I going down here?
45:51You see the screens on top here?
45:52Here we go.
45:53Okay, we have got a camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone tell you absolute facts.
45:57We have got a camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone smells of cabbage and I'd never go there because they're all sod-busting, blah-eating bog monsters and Limerick.
46:12To know what it is?
46:13It's way better.
46:14Also, I love the two audience and their fair class!
46:15The two Johnnies, not the two audience.
46:16Thank you, thank you.
46:17Wow, and William wrote that herself before she came up.
46:18Absolutely.
46:19Okay, lads, we're going to send our cameras to the camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone smells of cabbage and I'd never go there because they're all sod-busting, blah-eating bog monsters and Limerick.
46:25To know what it is?
46:26It's way better.
46:27Also, I love the two audience and their fair class!
46:31The two Johnnies, not the two audience.
46:36Thank you, thank you.
46:37Wow, and William wrote that herself before she came up.
46:41Absolutely.
46:42Okay, lads, we're going to send our cameras to the camera.
46:46Send our cameras back live in County Waterford.
46:48Here we go.
46:49We've got a couple here in the left, shall we?
46:51Yeah, let's go for them.
46:52Green jumper and your man in the camouflage.
46:54We can still see him, though.
46:57Okay, what do we reckon?
46:58Hey, lads, you're live on television with the two Johnnies.
47:01Just nod your head if you're up for playing a game.
47:04Okay, what do you reckon?
47:05Dating or relations?
47:06Listen, we've had two.
47:07Like, we've had two dating.
47:10So I'm going on law of averages.
47:12On nothing else, I don't know if you're going to try.
47:15I'm going to go related.
47:17What?
47:18Brother and sister, I'm going to go related.
47:20Related.
47:21Related.
47:22Related.
47:23Mick, what do you reckon?
47:24Both ginger, they're related.
47:26Oh!
47:27Audience!
47:28Related!
47:30They look like they share a freckle.
47:33Okay, lads, let's find out.
47:36Proof to us.
47:37Are you dating or are you related?
47:39We're dating.
47:40Put your hands together for everybody up the streets of Waterford tonight.
47:46That was good.
47:47Unfortunately lads, that's all we've got time for.
47:48Thank you to all of our guests.
47:49To Michael Conlon.
47:50To Myron O'Connell.
47:51To Neil Delamere.
47:52And now, to play us out.
47:53So tonight's musical act came about because I actually met her in a pub in Galway a couple
47:59of weeks ago.
48:00And I asked her if she'd like to come on our television show and she said, I didn't know you had a television
48:18show.
48:19But we got there in the end and we're absolutely delighted to have her here tonight.
48:23Put your hands together for the legendary Sharon Shannon and Alan Conlon.
49:14Cool!
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