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The Deep End (2022) Season 1 Episode 2
#The Deep End
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#The Deep End
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FunTranscript
00:00In 2012, I founded a company called T.L.I.
00:09T.L.I.'s job is to carry out my vision, but it's not just my vision.
00:17It's a vision that many on this earth share.
00:20You could fit all of these things which I see for this world under one title,
00:25Positive World Change.
00:26My intention is to build a company that is so large and so unstoppable
00:34that nothing can come up against it.
00:37A company whose intentions are so pure that not even the people who created the company,
00:43not even the executives, the CEOs, the directors, can come up against it.
00:48My joy on this planet is carrying out that vision, and so I will.
00:54Have a good week.
00:56I'm carrying the responsibility of so much of this mission.
01:23But it's so dependent upon the people around me.
01:33The people who are the most dedicated to this,
01:36they know me on a very close personal level, and that's like my inner circle.
01:41Originally, they started as volunteers,
01:43volunteers, people who wanted to learn from me in exchange for working for me.
01:54Coming from an Asian household, I was pretty much told that I was going to be a doctor,
01:59and I adopted that as mine.
02:01And then I stumbled across Teal, and I was just like,
02:03okay, this feels real to me.
02:06And that's when I decided to drop out of college.
02:11Is there anyone that would want to film a testimonial of your experience?
02:14Go for it.
02:16That was beautiful.
02:17Perfect.
02:17Absolutely perfect.
02:18I don't know if you guys know this, but Cyan wasn't the name I was born with and legally have.
02:22Do you know that?
02:23My actual legal name is Matthew.
02:29Are you familiar with Teal's work?
02:30Both Teal and I at the same time were like,
02:32something feels so different to where like my name doesn't even feel like it matches me anymore.
02:37Like that's some other identity.
02:39And then we came up with this name together.
02:46Back home in Germany.
02:47I used to be a tennis coach.
02:48Teal called me and she said, you know what, I have the intuition that you've been managing and coaching tennis players.
02:56What do you think about managing me?
02:58And immediately I said yes.
03:03My number one goal right now is to get her as big as possible.
03:10When you first see her, it just, you know, your whole world explodes and it's like, who is this creature?
03:17Are you even human?
03:18You know, how do you have this answer that no one else has?
03:24I eat, breathe, sleep in this process.
03:30I don't think I've really left her side for the last seven years.
03:35Everyone around me has made the decision to dedicate their life to this mission.
03:52We're ready to sacrifice anything for it.
03:54Everyone around me has to have that attitude.
04:04That's what it takes to go to the altitude I'm going to.
04:06I, okay, so I made it, this is where I'm wanting.
04:18i okay so i made it this is why i'm wanting to have this conversation this community obviously
04:39based on the fact that it's oriented around this mission with me at the spearhead of it
04:43functions a lot differently than most intentional communities it's not a real safe community
04:49both because of the level of pressure that wonder all the time and the level of attacks we get all
04:55the time so my only safety is this community it's all the people around me i'm in the middle here
05:02and like my community forms this little circle like that and that is my everything and like
05:08blake is the person that i'm closest to he's my safe place and like i need him in my life
05:15the problem comes whenever a girl that he's with has a truth that opposes mine in any way
05:21he acts like a little noodle and then it's about her versus me i don't want it to be that same
05:30dynamic because like the reality of blake's life so far unless he changes his mind is this
05:34yeah yeah sure that's i'd like i i got to know him that way so i didn't expect something different
05:41i i really want to work where i feel like i have purpose and can do something and having this
05:51community place pretty much as what i what i would what would be the optimal thing to live in
05:58and i'm like open to experience it and find it out
06:02we're fucking terrified about getting attached to a new person and having it go south again
06:11and community with us means a lot of a lot of intense things we've had community members
06:19turn slash leave because people aren't expecting teal's personality to be what it is
06:26it's never like oh let's chill there is no chill there's always weird like interpersonal shit
06:32going on and intentions
06:35do you have any questions for us about anything
06:42i don't know right now
06:45your head's still spinning
06:47no not really spinning it's just i don't know maybe i have more questions later on i guess
06:54hi hi how do you feel good i mean that was i mean it's kind of intense how are you same
07:17before i came here i was like okay this is not a normal thing where you have a partner
07:24i was aware that if that works i have a whole family at the same time so if i don't get around
07:30with one of them this won't work
07:33i feel society in general they have like a total different understanding from what is a family
07:43people should go more into with whom do i feel comfortable and where is like my my heart tribe
07:50my soul tribe where where do you really feel at home that's usually not the family
07:55americans are a little bit crazy yeah we're a little bit crazy just a little
08:05well you're a little crazy too for coming out here i am
08:11this bike path will take us all the way to the walmart
08:18iliana does not understand what we do
08:28she got interested and then came for a training
08:33but i don't feel like she's gotten a real taste of what she's signing up for yet which is scary
08:38all right ladies and gentlemen we have a very special guest teal swan so for people who don't
08:52know you how would you boil down your philosophy and what it is you do exactly what i essentially
08:58define myself as is an expert in human suffering i want to i want to help people get out of suffering
09:02why do people call you a call leader then because they know it's going to scare people off me
09:08that's that's true that is a good that is a good way to do it
09:11yeah i like to think about cults as is really having a foundation and a system of control of
09:20people do you think that cult leaders start out with ill intent or that a lot of times yeah i don't
09:27yeah but i i think most people who evolve into cult leadership aren't really looking at their own
09:33shadows yeah oh for sure and then what are your thoughts on everything that the media has been
09:40saying about what you do so like here's the thing i find i i have been on the opposite end of the
09:46scale where people saying whatever they want to say about me has done so much damage to my career
09:51i think one of the biggest mistakes i ever made was to ignore it
09:53over the last year i've been trying to figure out who teal really is and understand her influence
10:04to her followers she's a savior a healer to her critics she's a narcissist a dangerous cult leader
10:13whatever you feel about her at this point she is a catalyst
10:16hey um i'm gonna talk to the cops now okay
10:21hello is this blake yeah this is him what you got going on well we have a a woman that has sent us
10:32about a hundred threatening messages towards you guys yeah like you need to pay me back for my
10:40training you fucking narcissists wait till what's coming your way i will expose the shit you actually
10:45are um you said there was something recently like this week this is all this that's this is all two
10:53days ago okay all right appreciate you
11:00we get hate messages and threats pretty often no one hates themselves but you and you are a gaslighting
11:10narcissist the fact that you sit around and tell the most beautiful loving souls that they hate
11:14themselves then they clearly don't you need to be fucking executed
11:18fuck
11:22this issue is my haters it's just like this festering wound it's so overwhelming i don't even know where
11:33to start so i feel like especially in the spiritual field people have more expectations around
11:38everything you do let's say that you're a pop star and people are like that's a fucking bitch
11:44okay you're just gonna sell a lot more albums because people are gonna fucking know about you
11:48they don't really care if you're a bitch if you got good music that's not the case for someone in my
11:52career if somebody says this person's dangerous and i'm in the business of healing that's no different
11:58than repeating people die here on the outside of a hospital it prevents people from coming through
12:03the door i want the process i take people through around suicide to be something that's adopted in the
12:09mainstream psychology fields but i didn't understand that people thought it would be possible that
12:17entertaining the concept of suicide would cause people to commit suicide
12:21yes my reputation has been tarnished to such a degree i can't seem to make money
12:27in the way that i need to make money in order to fucking fight this stuff
12:30so i'm like literally in a place where i'm like is the message that i'm only safe if i marry a
12:35multi-billionaire is that my this is my answer
12:37i don't know why you guys are like so quiet
12:52do you do you not feel as powerless as i feel to this
13:00yeah absolutely that's why i'm so silent
13:03there's a powerlessness but there's never a point where i give up i always look for more options
13:10we hired a private investigator to help us to clear out the facts i mean it's very clear you know
13:28people call her the suicide catalyst which is absolutely not true
13:34there's no ground and it's the same with the cult you know
13:38people are very easily talking about a cult and it's super damaging
13:43i'm going to record if you would give me permission
13:47okay let me see how to do this
13:50so my main concern obviously why hiring you is to find out the truth and to see if there's
13:59something i'm missing or you know what a third party actually can find out
14:04my job is to dig through the mud and see if i can find any nuggets of truth in there
14:09when someone would say we heard these horrible things about you
14:12and then you can say well here read this this is the truth uh this is a third party independent
14:20unedited investigation that we have no influence over the content of that's basically what i do
14:30that would definitely be helpful so i know at least where we are and you know right okay you
14:36know all right yeah i'll go have a i'll go have a look
14:38oh i'm old okay so i missed the newscasters from the 50s you know where where where the news
14:49organization was not profit driven um where where um you could count on it to have some
14:56um credibility people don't have rolodexes anymore and when i forget a password they're still here
15:05computers
15:09as living beings we are hardwired for survival but as we all know sometimes the painful conditions
15:22of life can overrule that hard wiring and instead we become motivated towards death i want you to
15:29know that i'm going to be talking to you today not just from the standpoint of a spiritual teacher
15:33but also from the standpoint of a survivor now here's the thing you've been loosely and mostly
15:40subconsciously toying with the idea of suicide this time what i'm going to encourage you to do
15:45is to consciously imagine committing suicide
15:50i'm trying to better understand why professionals are very concerned that this video is not appropriate
16:00for people at risk so as president of the american association of suicidology i get a lot of the
16:07complaints saying visualize your suicide to a video not knowing what the uh emotional state is of the
16:17person on the other side who's watching it that is problematic because there's no way of knowing if
16:23that's actually going to work out there's no quality control there and i don't think that it's
16:28defensible in a public forum was there anything about doing that video that was scary or risky
16:33feeling to you did you feel that that could have actually encouraged you to take your own life
16:39no she's just like imagine that and really feel into that so that why would that be scary
16:45i really find it important to keep videos like that up you know i've had psychiatrists tell me that i
16:53was a doormat i wasn't getting any kind of compassion whoa or help at the time financially and with
17:01insurance i couldn't always stick with the same one you know so the health care thing was kind of
17:07hitting this they're claiming that um teal was responsible for leslie's demise and i'm
17:15i'm just complete nonsense there's nothing i wouldn't do to help teal and to defend her
17:20how adamant i am about her innocence here if you're saying that three people out of millions
17:26of people that have interacted with teal that we know of yeah that we know of you would be really
17:31hard-pressed to say these people killed themselves because of teal are you aware of some of the
17:37attacks that have been made against her i try not to go down that rabbit hole because i believe
17:43she is legitimately doing a good thing and trying to help people i have little patience for pejorative
17:52slingers but it just seems that if you are attractive period it's one of the criterias for being a target
18:01do you feel that if you left that someone would publicly shame you for leaving for any reason
18:06are you asking if we're cold
18:09it's pretty hard to see in many of these accusations being able to stick when you start talking to these
18:17folks
18:17when you have somebody who has a lot of followers and somebody wants to pick a bone with them you just
18:28throw the word cult at them and suddenly unfortunately in many circles it sticks
18:33it's pretty hard to see in many circles but i'm going to find the truth as i see it
18:40i was doing this workshop
18:51one of my cp participants came up to me
19:00she was beautiful
19:04we hung out at the hot springs
19:10and
19:13i floated you around in the water
19:19we were in the office and i gave you a massage
19:24maybe crossing the boundaries of the practitioner
19:27client
19:29and eight months later she moved to utah
19:38how lucky am i
19:43juliana is the first person i've ever been committed to
19:59we're compatible
20:02in tons of ways
20:04and
20:05i hope that she fits in with everyone
20:08wow
20:19that's fun
20:23juliana is like this raw stone
20:28and so there are all these edges
20:31and now it's blake's aura color
20:35is it
20:36it's really good
20:38and based off of what happens
20:41a person either smooths out and so it becomes this frictionless relationship
20:44oh my god that's so refreshing
20:47or becomes the problem
20:50we haven't had time to do that enough with her so that we're polished stones up against each other
21:01i want you to sense or feel this bubble separating from each other
21:19i want you to sense or feel this bubble separating you from the rest of the world
21:32now imagine sense or feel the prison of this bubble
21:41the way it keeps you isolated and lonely
21:45and with this bubble burst i want you to sense or feel what this loneliness that lives inside you
21:55may need
21:56feel it feeling that space up from the inside
22:00i want you to build that sensation of companionship
22:19that space up wider
22:23and wider
22:24until it fills up your entire being
22:28I like checking things out so I go to a lot of different spiritual stuff and I got here
22:40my mind was blown this is so over my head but uh I guess I want to be a part of something
22:50I want to be a part of something and I haven't found that so I'll keep looking
22:54the level of struggle and uh is is uh I need I need I need help I need help
23:04that's awesome you come to the best place for that what's that you come to the best place
23:10this person on earth wow because when I came last year I thought it was a cult you know
23:16really for full-blown I said that to you before right yeah I need more love in my life and I
23:21don't know how it's going to look but I need help so I'm just running I'm just looking for someone
23:25to help me what do you need from me in order to feel resolved um I haven't had closeness in a long
23:43time I'm wired to have a lot of affection and um so I'm looking for more closeness you've got aspects
23:51of your life that aren't going well especially relative to people right I don't know I don't
23:58know for real in a way it's going great I don't know what this is I do think I do think uh God is
24:05and uh and I'm glad I was suicidal for a long time so I'm glad I I'm glad it's there do you know
24:12what it's like talking to you there's no cohesive thought no cohesive thought no cookies of thought
24:20that's so interesting I think I'm doing I think I think everything's great and I'm doing a good job
24:27and why the fuck do you think the universe would put you in front of me if everything's fine
24:30I mean I don't know Teal no I mean really answer the question no I don't I don't I don't know I don't
24:38I could just have a crush on you it could it really just could be a sexual thing that I've
24:45just taken too far and it's okay and that's why I'm here
24:48if the only reason you're here is because of a sexual like thing that's a problem for me
24:54right right right right right right right right
24:57I hate this field of story God I fucking hate the spiritual field
25:04I'm super angry hi Blake I'm sitting here in process with Amr it was real fun when in the
25:13middle of our session he looks at me and says I'm afraid if you see all these parts of myself you
25:17won't want to fuck me so yeah that was fun you know the only reason I'm here is because of you
25:23know being sexually attracted to you and it's the same fucking bullshit it's like I use my sexuality
25:29kind of like in this demonic way to attract people I would love it if you would talk to him
25:35because this is fucked
25:36that was not fun it's the kind of thing where you've got somebody who's like really not got
25:47anything going in their life you know is there any chance to help him in any way
25:54it's just like you gotta know it's like a red zone case he needs so much and he will rip the shit
26:02out of any member of our team who works with him
26:05have you come more clear on something you want to see
26:14um I think a lot about my mom she's been coming to my dreams recently
26:24she she before she took her life she attempted five times over the prior seven years my dad
26:32couldn't understand that it was a suicide attempt he was in that much denial I went to an AA meeting
26:37it was 4 p.m. I left Queens went to New York City and my dad called and was like she's gone
26:42and uh I went up to see her body she was split her leg was perpendicular um and she looked so peaceful
26:53that seems unfair
27:01would you be willing to interact with her if we brought her in
27:06yeah yeah I'd love to I'd love to see her
27:09what we're going to be doing is what I call channeling
27:31you're using your body as a vessel for a specific energy
27:36you can do it with people that are living you can do it with people that are dead
27:41you can do it with anything
27:42so if I bring in your dead mother that's actually your dead mother you guys I'm working
27:47literally with her thought for
27:49it's an incredibly dangerous process
27:51it's also one of the most powerful tools that has ever existed
27:55you Leona I deliberately want to stretch you in with this
28:01I think it's a good idea
28:02I kind of like knew that when I come here that it's not just about establishing a relationship
28:10with Lake
28:10I also need to have a good relationship with Teal
28:16so coming here was also committing to her
28:20I want to make it work
28:23so ask her to ask her if she will choose with her free will to go into and then you have to say your mother's full name
28:35do you with your free will choose the consciousness of Talit Bajua
28:39yes
28:42I just want to spend some time with you
28:48I feel him in a really bad condition
28:56you are mom
29:02do you feel like you're stuck anywhere
29:14yes
29:14where are you stuck
29:16I don't know
29:17it's just dark
29:19kind of
29:20it's just dark
29:22I feel like
29:23she hasn't completely crossed
29:30no
29:34the thing is you're not responsible anymore
29:38you let go
29:43do you see if from where you are you can't do anything anymore to help either of them
29:51I'm so sorry
29:52it's okay mom I love you so much
29:55I just think about whether there's anything you feel like you need to say
30:00then you release her
30:02I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused
30:05I know it's a lot
30:09I can't forgive you mom
30:13I forgive you
30:15I want you to let go of the responsibility you feel mom
30:20you've helped me so much since you passed away
30:23I accept my life
30:27I want you to know I like my life
30:30I struggle a lot
30:33and I like my life
30:35you can tell her
30:42you can tell her that she can go
30:44mom you can go
30:45you can go
30:48I love you
30:55she went
30:58she's a great
30:59she's a great
31:00she's a great
31:01she's a great
31:02she's a great
31:03she's a great
31:04she's a great
31:05she's a great
31:06she's a great
31:07she's a great
31:08she's a great
31:09she's a great
31:10she's a great
31:11she's a great
31:12she's a great
31:13she's a great
31:14she's a great
31:15she's a great
31:16she's a great
31:17she's a great
31:18she's a great
31:19she's a great
31:20she's a great
31:21she's a great
31:22she's a great
31:23she's a great
31:24she's a great
31:25she's a great
31:26she's a great
31:27That was so intense.
31:38It was also surprising to me that I was that energized.
31:42And I wasn't aware that I'm that good in doing that.
31:47You were really good.
31:48I wasn't aware of that.
31:49So I was surprised, really surprised.
31:53Like, I feel like you're better at this with me than people who have been on my team for years.
32:02Wow.
32:16I feel at home.
32:19It's a totally different home, but I feel at home.
32:23Kiel is like a big sister to me.
32:32She's changed my mind completely how you can approach healing.
32:39I like to think of those of you who are standing here as my little army.
32:44I see you all as the people who are going to be the change in this world.
32:48Instead of the people who simply look at this world as if it has to change.
32:53I want to personally thank you for the level of bravery it took to come here.
32:58And especially for your bravery to be connected when the whole world is disconnecting.
33:03Freedom is in the reclaiming of self.
33:08In the turning of life's cyanide into honey.
33:10and one of the people who are going to be the same world.
33:13We'll be right in.
33:15Don't be happy.
33:33When the tabils because Ronald and my life's clogged up,
33:34we sit down as well.
33:35We're going to clean up the ER government.
33:36We hope to bring him together.
33:37That's great!
33:38It's like nothing to do with it.
33:46Yeah, that's so random.
33:49It would be these two.
33:50You guys, you guys.
33:52They don't know how to play this game.
33:54We're just going to have to remember this.
33:56All right, do I read it?
33:57Mm-hmm.
33:58And you're putting the one that I think I'm, you think I would choose.
34:02Mm-hmm.
34:02I didn't know it was Juliana and Fat One in the big community.
34:11Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of my balls on your face.
34:19They're so used.
34:20Of looking in the mirror, applying lipstick and whispering,
34:26tonight you will have sex with Tom Cruise.
34:28That could be very healing.
34:30To make this work, you have to choose Teal's mission to be your mission.
34:39Oh, probably this one.
34:41That was pretty funny.
34:43She fits in with everyone.
34:47I never could have imagined what my life has become.
34:54I just feel good about everything, in a way.
35:00At what point in Teal's career did you enter the picture?
35:17I first met Teal in 2012.
35:21I was already having a hard time in life.
35:22I'd just gotten divorced and went on this, like, spiritual journey, trying to find myself.
35:27Uh-huh.
35:28She always came off as, like, there's so much that you are going to learn.
35:32There's so much that I have to teach you.
35:34Like, don't throw spirituality away just because you're leaving Mormonism.
35:38There's so much more.
35:40She's trying to help make a better world.
35:42I want to make the better world.
35:44And so I told her, hey, I want to do this.
35:47Hell or high water, I'm going to make your vision a reality.
35:50I helped her with her website.
35:51I moved in with her.
35:53Right.
35:54Okay.
35:54So then you get involved.
35:55What was she actually selling at that point?
35:59Frequency paintings that had the power to heal people.
36:02Okay.
36:03Did they?
36:05Well, I was staring at several that I bought in my room for several years, and they did not work.
36:11Okay.
36:12Were you paid anything for your services?
36:16Were you salaried?
36:18I mean, I was given room and board.
36:22All right.
36:23Yeah.
36:24Interesting.
36:26Have you ever heard of anybody choosing to no longer participate, being ostracized in any way?
36:33I mean, like, my exit wasn't very nice.
36:36The moment the TV camera would go off, the moment that she would go behind closed door at a conference, any of that, it just unleashed.
36:49The last thing, I think the last thing she told me, as I'm, like, leaving and everyone's, like, ganged up on me, she said, if I were you, I would just go kill myself.
36:57Because there's no hope for you.
37:03Well, whoo, that's a lot.
37:09Oh, it gets a lot more interesting, Molly.
37:11I wanted this so badly.
37:20I was so washed.
37:22And, like, when I say I was washed, she, like, would constantly ask us, like, like, you're going to leave me.
37:27You're going to leave me, Jared.
37:28You're going to give up on all this.
37:29I'm like, no, I'm not.
37:30No, I won't.
37:31I'll do anything.
37:32It's like, what are you willing to do for this cause?
37:34And I told her I'd be willing to kill someone and bury them in the backyard.
37:44Oh.
37:50It feels like a burden that I've found some of this stuff out.
37:55Because now I'm responsible for including it and being honest about what I've found.
38:02It's the Pandora's box you wish you'd left closed, you know.
38:08But now that it's here, it's here.
38:16Blake, I need to know where you guys are and everything.
38:18I need to know what you're thinking.
38:19I don't feel like we're on the same page.
38:21Obviously, we haven't spent enough time together.
38:23I know.
38:23It's been weeks.
38:25And she's only been here for weeks.
38:29It's one month yesterday.
38:32I'm thinking of asking for her to marry me in two weeks.
38:41Okay.
38:42Well, thank you for telling me.
38:45What are you thinking?
38:47Well, I don't know.
38:48I mean, just...
38:50What?
38:50Do you think she's on the same page?
38:51Have you guys talked about this?
38:52A little bit.
38:53Well, come on.
38:53What have you guys said?
38:54We've just been like, just planning stuff.
38:57Yeah.
39:00Two-week proposal leaves you zero room for rings, Blake.
39:03What are you doing?
39:05No, let's get...
39:06I'll get whatever...
39:07Do you want to help with that?
39:08Yeah.
39:09Okay.
39:10How do you feel about the ending of the saga of the romantic feelings towards me?
39:21Ending of that saga?
39:22Mm-hmm.
39:23I mean, I still think you're sexy.
39:26Kiss hell.
39:30She doesn't react when you touch me.
39:32I've been watching her.
39:37She doesn't...
39:38Has she said anything?
39:39Well, there has been no conversation about my romantic feelings towards you.
39:43Good, there shouldn't be.
39:45She doesn't react.
39:46I've been watching her.
39:47Mm-hmm.
39:47That's a good thing.
39:49Yeah.
39:51You know.
39:52I love this.
39:53I know.
39:53Me too.
39:54She sounds super compatible, Blake.
39:56Yeah.
39:59Wow.
39:59Wow.
40:02I think I'm done with commitment.
40:06Good, Blake.
40:18True love will find you in the end.
40:26You'll find out just who was your friend.
40:32Don't be sad.
40:37I know you will.
40:43But don't give up until...
40:46True love will find you in the end.
40:51It's like an offering.
41:16Please amplify and magnify everything.
41:18Marriage requires a lot of forgiveness.
41:29It requires respecting the other person even when you disagree with them.
41:34And it requires the maturity to put someone else before yourself, but not so much that you forget who you are as an individual.
41:40From this moment on, nothing in your life is to take priority over the comfort and well-being of the person that you're holding hands with right now.
41:47Don't be sad.
41:48Don't be sad.
41:49Don't be sad.
41:49I know you will.
41:54But don't give up until...
41:58True love finds you in the end.
42:06True love will find you in the end.
42:10True love will find you in the end.
42:26I was given a list of the things that people have to agree to, to be part of this inner circle.
42:42What did you think when you first said all that?
42:45That most of it is illegal.
42:47A normal life is not compatible with the life that we are leading.
42:51I didn't come here to keep learning and learning and learning.
42:54You want to know the reality?
42:55If people don't start doing this kind of work on themselves, head it off a cliff.
42:58I don't feel like we can force it.
43:01You literally just crossed the line.
43:04Now we have problems.
43:25You've got to know the world that you can't do.
43:33You've got to know the reality.
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