The episode features Mr. Finque impersonating animals, Don Wilson and Harlow impersonating Ted Lewis, the Renaldi brothers' bullet dodging, and Jack's fan club ...
00:00From Hollywood, the Jack Benny Program, brought to you by...
00:30Thank you, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our show.
00:40Now, tonight, we're going to do, um...
00:45You know, I was just thinking, I don't know why it is, I always come out here, every show, I look at you folks, and I keep saying, thank you, thank you.
00:55Now, I don't know what I'm thanking you for.
00:56In the first place, you got in here for nothing.
01:03And believe me, that wasn't my idea.
01:07I always feel that the best thing is to charge a nominal fee for the audience, come and see our shows.
01:16Like, for instance, say, charge a dollar for adults, and, uh, 50 cents for children, a quarter for animals.
01:26That is all except seals.
01:31See, I'd let the seals in for nothing, because they applaud a lot.
01:34Oh, we have some.
01:43We have seals.
01:45You may get a little wet, but it's worth it, you know.
01:48But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, to get on with the show, tonight, I'm going to do something that I always do this time of year.
01:57And that is to have a show where newcomers, you see, amateurs, new talent, have a chance to be seen.
02:03And so, for the past few weeks, I've had my producers searching for talent throughout this area, and we're going to have them on tonight.
02:11Now, I haven't seen any of the acts, but I hear they're awfully good.
02:16They really are.
02:16Now, uh, naturally, your reception is important, because I promised to give a contract to the one that you judged the best, the best act, you see.
02:26So, we'll start with the show now.
02:28Oh, Don, Don Wilson, come out here, will you, please?
02:31Now, uh, Don, who have we first?
02:42Well, Jack, this gentleman here is our first contestant, and this is his card.
02:46Oh, oh, let's see, uh, let's see, you're, uh, Mr., Mr. Fink.
02:56Fink, eh?
02:57F-I-N-T-U-E.
03:01Uh, now, Mr. Fink, I hope you realize that, uh, after an appearance on a show like this, you have a chance, really, to go places on TV.
03:10I imagine you'd be very happy about that.
03:12Oh, yeah, I would love to be on the TV.
03:15Good, good.
03:17Now, about your act, Mr. Fink.
03:19F-I-N-T-U-E.
03:22Yes, yes, I know.
03:23That's French.
03:26French?
03:27Yeah, in Paris, it's Fink K.
03:31Now, uh, Mr., uh, Fink, or Fink K., in this, um, act you do, it says here that you do imitations, is that right?
03:40Yeah, that's right, I do all kinds of animals and things like that, you know.
03:44Oh, you do, animals and things like that.
03:46Yeah.
03:46Well, all right, let's hear you do a dog.
03:49Let's hear you do a dog.
03:51There's 18,000 different kinds of dogs in oil.
03:54He says, let's hear you do it in oil.
03:58Well, be specific.
03:59What kind of a dog, a chow, chihuahua, a doberman pincher, dash horn, a cock-a-spaniel?
04:08Well, all right, let's hear you do a cock-a-spaniel.
04:11Oh, I can't do that one.
04:17Well, what do you do?
04:18Well, I do, uh, small dogs.
04:20Uh, big dogs.
04:28Uh, happy dogs.
04:35Uh, sad dogs.
04:37Uh, uh, sad dogs.
04:39Uh, uh, sad dogs.
04:43And I, I can also do a St. Bernard.
04:51Oh, a St. Bernard?
04:52Yeah.
04:53Oh, is that, oh, well, I'd like to hear a St. Bernard.
04:55All right.
04:55Go ahead.
05:00When you, uh, gee, Mr. Fink, when you do a, uh, F-I-N-Q-U-E, when you, when you do a,
05:15a dog, you really get carried away, don't you?
05:18Oh, you're sad.
05:18Yesterday, I chased my wife up a tree.
05:22Well, I can understand.
05:25Now, uh, what other animals can you, can you do a horse?
05:28Oh, yeah, I can do a horse.
05:30All right, let's hear.
05:31I'd love to hear a horse.
05:32Here.
05:33Very, very good.
05:40I, I, I can also do an English horse.
05:43A what?
05:43English horse.
05:45An English horse?
05:46Yeah.
05:47An English horse.
05:48Yeah.
05:48All right, let's hear an English horse.
05:52Oh, no.
06:00Well, that's very, very good, Mr. Fink, K. Very good.
06:04And believe me, if we're ever in need of an English horse, I'll, you'll be the first one
06:09I'll call.
06:09Oh, thank you very much.
06:11You're welcome.
06:18He was very good doing that English horse.
06:21I didn't know whether to give him a piece of sugar or a crumpet.
06:25Now, let's see.
06:26What's next?
06:37John.
06:39What are you made up like that for?
06:42Read the card, Jack.
06:46Don Wilson.
06:47Why is your name on this card?
06:48Because I'm the next act.
06:50You?
06:51That's right, Jack.
06:53You see, you're giving other people a chance to show off their talent,
06:56so I thought this would be just a great opportunity for me to show my talent.
07:00I can do things other than just announce, you know.
07:03Don't tell me you're going to play the clarinet.
07:05Well, no, Jack, not exactly.
07:07I just use this as a prop in my act.
07:09I'm going to do me and my shadow.
07:12No.
07:12You mean that wonderful Ted Lewis number?
07:14Yeah.
07:15Me and my shadow?
07:16That's the one.
07:16And, Jack, as long as I'm impersonating Ted Lewis with all of the dance steps and everything,
07:21I'm going to need someone to act as my shadow.
07:25Mm-hmm.
07:26Well, Don, the only one I can possibly think of that would act as your shadow would be Mount Whitney.
07:33And I have yet to see you do a soft shoe.
07:38A soft shoe?
07:40Well, don't worry about it, Jack.
07:41It's all taken care of.
07:43Because I'm going to be assisted by my son, Harlow.
07:46Harlow?
07:47Come on out, son.
07:48Now, look, Don.
07:55Say hello to Mr. Benny.
07:57Hello, Mr. Benny.
07:58Hello, hello.
08:00Now, Don, you know what I think of your son, don't you?
08:03I'll admit he's a well-fed, a well-bred...
08:06But every time you bring him out here to do something, he always louses up the show.
08:12Always.
08:13Once you brought him out, well, once, a dozen times, to do the commercial,
08:17and he can't even remember the words.
08:19Well, now, don't worry about it this time, Jack.
08:21This time it's going to be different.
08:23All he's going to do is dance with me.
08:25You mean he's not going to talk?
08:26That's right.
08:27Not going to talk.
08:28Oh, I see.
08:29Then, Harlow, you've given up the idea of being an announcer.
08:32Is that it?
08:32Yes, Mr. Benny.
08:34Well.
08:34But he's still working in television.
08:37Oh, yes.
08:38They use my stomach for the aspirin commercial.
08:45Your stomach for the aspirin?
08:47I had to go to the hospital and everything.
08:49You mean they took x-rays?
08:51No.
08:51They put in a window.
08:57What?
08:58Well, I'm glad you told me, because on your next birthday, I'll buy you curtains.
09:02Size 44.
09:05Well, yes, I'll remember.
09:06I'll remember.
09:07Now, Jack, if you'd just step over to one side, please.
09:09Harlow and I'd like to do our impersonation of Ted Lewis.
09:12Well, I'd love to hear him.
09:14Okay, Malon.
09:15Me and my shadow strolling down the avenue.
09:30And my shadow, not a soul to tell our troubles to.
09:45And when it's 12 o'clock, we climb the stairs.
09:54We never knock for nobody's there, just me.
10:04And my shadow, not a soul to tell our troubles to.
10:11All alone and feeling blue.
10:15Woo!
10:16Woo!
10:16Woo!
10:17Woo!
10:17Woo!
10:18Woo!
10:18Woo!
10:19Woo!
10:19Woo!
10:20Woo!
10:21Woo!
10:22Woo!
10:23Woo!
10:24Woo!
10:25Woo!
10:26Woo!
10:27Woo!
10:28Woo!
10:29Woo!
10:30Woo!
10:31Woo!
10:32Woo!
10:33Woo!
10:34Woo!
10:34Woo!
10:35Woo!
10:37Woo!
10:39Yes, sir!
10:40Yes, sir!
10:41Well, really, that's one of the best trios that I've ever heard.
10:58Well, Don, come back here.
11:00Harlow, you too.
11:03Well, that was really, really wonderful.
11:06Well, thank you very much, Jack.
11:07And, Harlow, I owe you an apology.
11:10You were just great.
11:26I'm terribly sorry.
11:28I'm sorry, Harlow.
11:32Well, when I get them those new curtains,
11:40nobody will ever notice.
11:43Now, let's see.
11:44What have we next here on this amateur hour?
11:47Oh, yes.
11:48Next we have, ladies and gentlemen,
11:50the Rinaldi Brothers.
11:57Now, gentlemen, I see here that your act is called
12:00the Rinaldi Brothers,
12:01featuring the fastest human being in the world.
12:04That's right.
12:06I am Alberto,
12:07and this is my brother, Enrico.
12:10Now, this act that you do,
12:12is this one of those fast draw contests?
12:15Oh, no, no.
12:16No.
12:16You see, Enrico is the fastest human being in the world.
12:21Will you open the curtains, please?
12:22He stands against that board.
12:27I shoot at him,
12:28and he will dodge the bullets.
12:34You're gonna shoot real bullets,
12:36and he dodges them?
12:38Yes.
12:41During the act,
12:42I will shoot seven shots,
12:44and at the end of the act,
12:46you will find every bullet in the board
12:49within the very good body.
12:51Yeah.
12:53All right.
12:53Let's see it.
13:01I'm a wreck.
13:02Are you ready, Enrico?
13:06This is amazing.
13:28And now,
13:30without a drum roll
13:31or any warning of any kind.
13:34This is absolutely incredible.
13:52And now,
13:53for the climax of an act,
13:56I will shoot five bullets
13:58in a period of five cycles
14:00in random directions,
14:02but all within the designated area.
14:32Close the curtains, please.
14:44I guess they weren't quite ready
15:00for the big time.
15:04Now, ladies and gentlemen,
15:06the next act is a musical ensemble
15:08of six young ladies
15:09called
15:10The Sentimental Sweethearts.
15:18Yes, yes.
15:20Could you hold it, please?
15:21We're not quite ready yet.
15:24Hey, wait a minute.
15:25Aren't you two the, uh...
15:28The president and vice president
15:30of the Jack Benny fan club?
15:33Casadina chapter.
15:35Oh, for heaven's sakes.
15:37Of course!
15:39I thought I'd recognize you.
15:41You know, Mr. Benny,
15:42when we heard that you were going
15:44to have a show for new talent,
15:45all our members got together
15:48and we decided
15:49that it would be
15:50a wonderful opportunity
15:51for our orchestra.
15:53Your orchestra?
15:54Yes.
15:55Come on, girls.
15:56We can't hold up the show.
15:58Come on.
15:58Come on.
15:58Come on.
16:28When I saw a group like this,
16:29they were marching up San Juan Hill.
16:34Wait a minute.
16:35Ladies, president,
16:37isn't the...
16:38Isn't this the same orchestra
16:40that played for me
16:41when I went over
16:42to my fan club in Pasadena?
16:44Well, we had four...
16:45We had three more then,
16:47but they're no longer with us.
16:49Oh, I'm sorry.
16:50Oh, they got married.
16:54Oh, I'm...
16:55I'm surprised.
16:57So were they.
16:58Well, now,
17:01what are the
17:02settlemental sweethearts
17:03going to play?
17:04Well, before we play
17:05anything for you,
17:07we'd like to have you
17:08meet our new vocalist.
17:10Oh, you've added
17:10a vocalist to the show.
17:11Yes.
17:12Yes.
17:12Dee Dee, come on out.
17:19Mr. Benny,
17:20this is Dee Dee,
17:22this is Dee Dee,
17:22our vocalist.
17:23Oh.
17:24Well, Dee Dee,
17:26have you ever sung
17:27professionally before?
17:33Dee Dee,
17:33I said,
17:34have you ever sung
17:34professionally before?
17:36No, she never did
17:38sing professionally,
17:39but she has a very good ear
17:41for music.
17:42Must be the right one.
17:45Well, Dee Dee,
17:47what are you going to sing?
17:48What?
17:52I said,
17:52what are you going to sing?
17:54No need to shout.
17:57I am going to sing
17:59Jeannie with the light
18:00brown hair.
18:02Oh, Jeannie,
18:03I love that number.
18:04Jeannie with the light
18:05brown hair.
18:06All right,
18:07would you open
18:07the curtains, please?
18:08Open the curtains.
18:10Well, all right,
18:12let's hear the number.
18:12You're going to sing
18:13Jeannie with the light
18:14brown hair.
18:14I dream
18:21of Jeannie
18:23with the light
18:25brown hair
18:26Born like a
18:29vapor
18:30on the summer air
18:33Floating like a
18:58vapor on the
18:59soft summer air
19:02Many were the wild
19:22no termary voice
19:23would pour
19:24Many were the flybirds
19:26I dream of Jeannie
19:31with the light
19:32brown hair
19:33Floating like a
19:36vapor on the
19:38soft summer air
19:42That's Jeannie
19:43Jeannie
19:43brown hair
19:46Hey, listen.
19:58That was, that was
20:00absolutely sensational.
20:02Dee Dee, that was one.
20:03Now, what, uh,
20:04can you do an encore
20:06for us?
20:06Oh, yes, Mr. Benny,
20:08but we'd like you
20:09to get your violin
20:10and play with us.
20:11Oh, no.
20:12Oh, yes.
20:13Really, I, thank you
20:21seals.
20:24Well, all right.
20:25If you wait, I'll just
20:25get my violin.
20:29I always have it
20:31ready in case
20:31somebody asks.
20:34Okay.
20:35Now, uh, what, uh,
20:36what should we play?
20:37How about playing
20:38something hot again?
20:40Something like, uh,
20:41I don't know,
20:41sweet Georgia Brown.
20:44Let's give it to them
20:45sweet Georgia Brown.
20:47Hit it.
21:11Let's go.
21:41Let's go.
22:11Let's go.
22:43Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
22:45I hope you all enjoyed the show.
22:47And now again, I'd like to bring out my guests.
22:49First, the sentimental sweethearts.
22:51Next, the Rinaldi brothers.
23:08I see you have another brother.
23:20Fortunately.
23:21And now, Mr. Fink.
23:30Mr. Fink, of course, was played by Mel Blanc.
23:40That's a B-L-A-N-T-U-A.
23:48I know, I know.
23:51Well, good night, folks, and I'll be seeing you soon.
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