- 7 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00What goes on?
00:04Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:08These simple lines be good for your health
00:10They keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:13Live love life like you just don't care
00:15My thighs believe is never scared
00:18Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, still a beautiful idea
00:22Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:24Get up, and shoot me
00:30Take off your prosthetic leg
00:38Replace it with a rocket
00:39And tell everyone it's your mistletoe
00:41It's Friday, we're live
00:42And it's time for the last leg
00:43Tonight on the show
00:46The Ukraine peace deal keeps repeating on us
00:49We digest another weird week of politics
00:52And we'll serve up a taster
00:54For stand-up to cancer
00:55Plus we'll be joined by comedians
00:58Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
01:00On the show that tries its best
01:02To stomach the news
01:03Who am I going to wink at?
01:09Who am I going to wink at?
01:13G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:14Welcome to the last leg
01:16The show that heard Netflix has bought
01:18Warner Brothers
01:18And now can't wait for Voldemort's
01:20Edgy stand-up special
01:21With me as always
01:22Are the pride of Dartmoor
01:23Josh Whittacombe
01:24And the man who was described
01:25By an AI app last week
01:26As having a unique limb situation
01:29Alex Brooker
01:30We will cover that in a second
01:39As well as today's bizarre
01:40World Cup draw
01:41But Josh
01:42It has been a sad time
01:43In your house this week
01:44It's been a sad time
01:46We've lost
01:47Well not lost
01:48Our hamster
01:49I don't need to
01:49Our hamster's died
01:51I know
01:52We've all been
01:53You told me that last week
01:54And I thought
01:55Oh I feel really sad
01:56For the small ginger squeaky thing
01:58Where is he going?
02:00What's this joke going to be?
02:02I don't know where
02:03You're talking about the hamster
02:05Surely aren't you?
02:06No
02:06Because his hamster died
02:08Oh
02:08Amazing
02:09Yeah
02:10I'll tell you what
02:12Hilsey on that
02:13Because I really bonded
02:14With the hamster
02:15Because you know
02:16You think about
02:16No you think about it
02:17And he's telling me about
02:18His little pink hands
02:20And his
02:20His furry little face
02:26And the way he always
02:28Shits in the same corner
02:29Of the room
02:29It's all a bit of fun
02:33But anyway
02:33A hamster died
02:34But the problem was
02:36The ground
02:37You go and bury him
02:39In the garden
02:39Yeah
02:40But the ground
02:42Because it's been
02:42It's winter
02:43I'm aware
02:44Yeah
02:45It's frozen
02:46So we couldn't dig a hole
02:48Yeah
02:48So we had to put him
02:49In our freezer
02:50Someone had the weirdest reaction
02:53To that I've ever heard
02:54So there's a hamster
02:56In your freezer
02:56We've had a hamster
02:57In our freezer
02:58What like
02:59Lying in steak
03:00Lying in steak
03:01Lying on steaks
03:03What have we got like
03:06David Beckham
03:07Queuing up to pay his respect
03:09Yeah so we had a hamster
03:12In our freezer
03:12Right
03:13He was dead
03:14Just to be clear
03:15Because obviously
03:15If we got it wrong
03:17Imagine if we'd just frozen him
03:18And then in like a thousand years
03:19He'd come back to life
03:20And then he'd have gone
03:22I don't understand what's changed
03:24Because I'm a hamster
03:24Yeah exactly
03:25Yeah
03:26But so we then had to buy
03:27A spade off Amazon
03:28You bought a spade
03:30I bought a spade off Amazon
03:31Wow
03:32Did your bank call you
03:33And say there's been
03:34Some unusual activity
03:35On your bank
03:35It's an odd thing
03:36It's an odd thing to buy
03:38On Amazon
03:39Why?
03:40I don't know
03:41It's just like
03:41What's your like
03:42You may also like
03:44Cable ties
03:45Gaffer tape
03:46Stop falling
03:48How are the kids taking it?
03:52So my son
03:52My daughter
03:53Was a bit upset
03:54Yeah
03:55But my son who's four
03:56That's kind of
03:57This is what they say about pets
03:59Isn't it
03:59It teaches them about death
04:00And he started to get sad
04:04I think he realised
04:04We were going to die
04:05For the first time
04:06So that was quite sad
04:07Well yeah
04:07Because he's going to need
04:08A bigger freezer
04:09He'd fit in one of them
04:13Family chest lights
04:14We are live on your telly right now
04:17You can ask us any questions
04:18About the news
04:19Messages on Instagram
04:20The hashtags
04:20Is it okay
04:21WhatsApp
04:22The number is
04:2307956175908
04:25Or you can scan the QR code
04:27On your screen
04:27For example
04:28Is it okay that last week
04:29On the show
04:29We asked an AI app
04:31To describe Alex
04:32And this is what it said
04:33What do you make of his hands?
04:38Yeah so I do notice
04:40That he's got a prosthetic arm
04:41Or kind of a
04:42Unique limb situation
04:44Going on there
04:44A unique limb situation
04:46A unique limb situation
04:54I'll tell you what
04:56Thank you AI
04:57You are one of the nicest
04:59People on earth
05:00I mean I've never wanted
05:01To start a band
05:02But unique limb situation
05:04It's actually a lie
05:09I did want to start a band
05:10A few years ago
05:11And I just
05:12Never managed to get
05:13Atomic mitten off the ground
05:14I love that even AI
05:18Is worried about being cancelled
05:20So politically correct
05:22So tonight
05:24We're very proud to say
05:25At the end of the show
05:25We are going to bring you
05:26The world exclusive debut
05:28Of Alex's new band
05:30Unique Limb Situation
05:32Or as we like to call them
05:34ULS
05:34We've been talking about
05:36During the week
05:37What the album would be called
05:38I'm really pushing for
05:40The Notorious PIP
05:41I think the best of album
05:44Will just be called
05:44The Incomplete ULS
05:46Never mind the bollocks
05:47Look at his arms
05:48One for the Phil Collins fans
05:57Short jacket required
05:59Lovely
06:00Lovely
06:01I find it funny
06:02I don't get that
06:03Well because of your arms
06:06Yeah no
06:07I've got it
06:07It's a Phil Collins
06:08By the way
06:09We asked AI
06:10To design a few band posters
06:12Depending on which genre
06:13Alex decided to go with
06:14It came up with an emo version
06:16Now
06:18That guy looks like
06:20He keeps hamsters
06:21In his freezer
06:21Yeah that's a band called
06:26He Really Needs The Cure
06:27Or Crip Not
06:29I can't decide
06:30And then
06:32It came up with
06:32The country version
06:33I'm not going
06:36Why do I
06:37I look like
06:37Crocodile Dundee
06:39That's not a thump
06:40Alright the big story
06:44This week is that
06:45There's still no peace
06:46In Ukraine
06:46Mainly because Russia
06:47Wants an extra peace
06:48Of Ukraine
06:49Now look
06:50We haven't talked much
06:51About this during the series
06:51So let's cover the basics
06:52A few weeks ago
06:54The US hammered out
06:55A peace deal
06:55Between Russia and Ukraine
06:56With the help of Russia
06:57But not Ukraine
06:59It basically gave Russia
07:00Everything they wanted
07:01Including land
07:02They've taken during the war
07:03And some land
07:04They haven't even captured yet
07:06The only thing not offered
07:07To Putin
07:07Was a back rub
07:08From Vladimir Zelensky
07:09The deal was then
07:10Taken to Ukraine
07:11Who said
07:12And pardon my Australian
07:13You fucking what
07:14Ukraine then suggested
07:16A few changes to the deal
07:17Which was taken back
07:18To Putin
07:19Who this week said
07:19No I want the original deal
07:21And I will take that back rub
07:22Lads
07:23I just
07:24I just
07:26He's so snide
07:27Isn't he
07:27Vladimir Putin
07:28This is what
07:29I've come
07:29This is
07:29This is my geopolitical analysis
07:31Of him
07:32I just think
07:33He's just
07:34I'm fucking bored of him
07:35It's just always
07:37Ever since we started
07:38He's always moaning
07:39He's always shithousing
07:41He's always threatening
07:42And I just think
07:43At this stage of him now
07:44He's basically
07:45He's just like a Twitter troll
07:47With nuclear weapons
07:48Yeah
07:48Pretty much
07:49I love that Alex
07:50Is bored of him
07:52And the most
07:53But you know what I mean
07:54He's like
07:54No no no
07:54The most threatening man
07:55In the world
07:56But is he though
07:57No
07:58Because he's like
07:58You know he's just sort of
07:59Geezy
07:59You know if you like
08:00If you go on a stag do
08:01Yeah
08:01And it's like
08:02Everything's planned
08:02But there's one who goes
08:03Oh I don't want to go
08:04I don't want to go
08:04To the brewery
08:05Yeah
08:06And it's like
08:06What do you want to do
08:07Vlad
08:07He's like
08:07Paintball
08:08Paintball in again
08:09Just so you can wear
08:10The fucking camouflage
08:11He won't
08:13He's just
08:13He's a man
08:14Unable to accept a deal
08:15He will never accept
08:16Have you seen
08:17His celebrity edition
08:18Of deal or no deal
08:19He won't even
08:20Take the call
08:20I saw him in boots
08:23And he got three items
08:25Carrot stick
08:25Sandwich
08:26And the drink
08:27And he
08:27Happy to play
08:28For them all separately
08:29Well the truth is
08:31Vladimir Putin
08:31Has no reason to back down
08:33Because Donald Trump
08:33Has said that
08:34If a deal isn't done
08:35He'll just walk away
08:36From it all
08:36Which is an incentive
08:38For Putin
08:38To not do a deal
08:40Because then the only
08:40People sticking up
08:41For Ukraine
08:41Would be Europe
08:42And Putin is not
08:43Scared of Europe
08:44Alright put it this way
08:45Imagine if you saw
08:46Conor McGregor
08:47Kicking the shit out
08:48Of Josh
08:48On the street
08:48Whilst trying to steal
08:50His wallet
08:50Right
08:51And Josh is there
08:52Going
08:52Oh no
08:52You're not having my wallet
08:54What's going on
08:57By the way
08:58Conor McGregor
08:58Hasn't even got you
08:59In a chokehold
09:00In that impression
09:00No
09:02Don't take my wallet
09:03So you take
09:04Conor McGregor aside
09:05You don't need to
09:06I wouldn't keep talking
09:08I lost my hamster
09:11Don't you fucking start
09:13So you take
09:15Conor McGregor aside
09:16And you say
09:16Alright what would it
09:17Take for you to
09:17Stop kicking the shit
09:18Out of Josh
09:18And he says
09:19Well give me his wallet
09:20Oh you're not doing
09:21His accent I see
09:21Irish come on mate
09:24Have some balls
09:25It's not the Irish
09:27It's just I reckon
09:28I can take you
09:29I agree
09:33So then Josh compromises
09:35And Josh says
09:36Okay he can have the cash
09:37But I need
09:37I need my library card
09:39So you go back
09:41To Conor McGregor
09:42Who says
09:42No I want the wallet
09:43The library card
09:44And now I want
09:45His inhaler as well
09:46Now imagine if you
09:47Then said
09:47Well if you guys
09:48Can't sort this out
09:49I'm walking away
09:50Conor McGregor's just
09:51Going to keep
09:51Kicking the shit out
09:52Of Josh
09:53Until he gets
09:53What he wants
09:54Meanwhile Europe
09:54Are live streaming
09:55The whole thing
09:55On TikTok
09:56With the hashtag
09:57I stand with Josh
09:58It's a lovely analogy
10:00Thank you
10:01And it's good
10:02That you've made
10:02It's something
10:03That everyone
10:03Understands
10:04That might happen
10:04I
10:05Two problems
10:06Number one
10:07While you're talking
10:08To Conor McGregor
10:09Yep
10:10I'm running
10:11The fuck off
10:11Okay
10:12Yeah
10:13But number two
10:13I don't have a wallet
10:14Because it's 2025
10:15And no one has wallets
10:16Anymore
10:17I have a wallet
10:17What?
10:18I have a wallet
10:19Do you?
10:19Who has a wallet?
10:20Am I the only one here
10:21Who has a wallet?
10:22Some
10:23Oh my god
10:23Most people don't have
10:24Wallets
10:24Most people don't have
10:25Wallets anymore
10:25It's called a phone mate
10:27It does everything
10:27In the same way
10:28I don't carry around
10:29A compass
10:30What's your wallet?
10:34What you got?
10:35I've got a
10:36There you go
10:38Is that weird?
10:40No
10:40It's thick for 2025
10:42What's even in that?
10:44Why is it so thick?
10:45What is it made of?
10:46Have you killed a crocodile?
10:47Oh no
10:48It's actually made of an upcycled
10:50British firehose
10:51Oh so it's like a fireman
10:53Somewhere going
10:53There's a fucking hole in this
10:54I'd describe it as downcycled
10:59Because one was saving lives
11:00And now one's your wallet
11:02The most Australian thing ever
11:05Is to have
11:06To have a wallet
11:07That can withstand fire
11:09I've got Australian credit cards
11:16I've got British credit cards
11:17I've got
11:18Adam are you in financial trouble?
11:20He's putting all his money on the wallet
11:22I've got tickets to when I took my daughter to Disneyland
11:26Is that weird?
11:27No that's nice
11:28I've got a photo of my other daughter
11:29Oh that's nice
11:31See I'd have absolutely put big money in you
11:34Having a photo of Harold Bishop
11:35Do you know where I've got a photo of my daughter?
11:39On my phone like every other person
11:40So back to Ukraine
11:43How do you stop Vladimir Putin?
11:46Trump can't do it
11:47Zelensky can't do it
11:48Europe can't do it
11:49Someone needs to take him down from the inside
11:51And we think we know just the man
11:53In a world on the brink of war
11:57Only one man can save the planet
12:00Your mission should you choose to accept it
12:03Is to infiltrate the Kremlin
12:05And sabotage Vladimir Putin from the inside
12:08Oh go on then
12:11I'll do it
12:13When you need the ultimate undercover spy
12:16Alan Carr goes deep
12:19You can trust me
12:21The ultimate traitor
12:24Alan Carr is
12:26Double O-H
12:27Ooh
12:29Coming soon to Vladimir Putin
12:32That's right
12:33I'm taking down the biggest dog there is
12:36It won't surprise you to know
12:47Tickets for Alan's new tour are on sale now
12:49Alright let's welcome tonight's guest
12:51He's in a Christmas show called Stuffed
12:53She's got a stand-up show that's stuffed with jokes
12:55Please welcome Guz Khan and Amy Gledhill
12:57Welcome to you both
13:16Did you just curtsy to the...
13:17I did I don't know what happened there
13:18I loved it I loved it
13:20It's the tree and everything
13:21I just feel very curtsy
13:23Look on what we just talked about Ukraine
13:26How do you think Putin and Zelensky should sort it out Guz?
13:30I reckon
13:30Look it's a very complicated situation
13:32Yeah
13:33Very sensitive situation
13:34Yeah
13:34I reckon they should just swing it out
13:36So I think we should just set up like a misfit style celebrity boxing match
13:41Putin can absolutely bang up Zelensky or vice versa
13:44Yeah
13:45People might say that's quite a flippant response
13:47But I think perpetual war is worse
13:49Yeah, yeah
13:51I'd watch it on Netflix or YouTube
13:54I reckon we'll make a load of money
13:55I'll be the agent
13:56I'll be the guy who goes in between
13:58And make some money as well
13:59But yeah, I'd like to see them fight
14:00I think it's a good idea
14:01I love you've made this a money-making experience
14:04Exercise for you
14:05Yes
14:06Would Zelensky be topless?
14:08I mean, if they pay extra
14:11If you pay extra
14:12I think Putin would be topless
14:14Whether you paid or not
14:15And on a horse at all times
14:18I would solve it
14:20I think at this point
14:21The only thing to do
14:22Is shared custody
14:24Of Ukraine?
14:25I think it's shared custody of the borders
14:27Right
14:28So I think Ukraine can have the border weekdays
14:31Yeah
14:32Russia weekends
14:33And then on a bank holiday
14:35They go to their aunts in Slovakia
14:38And they watch a Bond film and eat crisps
14:41Alright, we're going to get back to the news
14:44Because some weird stuff happened today
14:45That a load of you messaged about
14:47It was Donald Trump
14:48While Donald Trump's peace pan for Ukraine
14:50Oh yeah
14:51How relaxed am I by the way
14:52While Donald Trump's peace pan hit the skids
14:54He was in his element
14:55As the draw for next year's world cup took place
14:57There were performances from Robbie Williams
14:59And the village people
15:00Once again prompting the world to ask
15:02What is it with Donald Trump and the village people?
15:04I love that they're going to have the YMCA for all the gay footballers
15:09Well they did sing YMCA
15:12And this is a clip of Trump dancing enthusiastically to it
15:15Looking as always like he's pretending to wank off two giants
15:18You've got to know this
15:23The one thing no man doesn't hold myself
15:27It's great isn't it?
15:30But that's the same thing
15:32That's the same thing
15:33And then I love one of them
15:34He just went whoop and up
15:35There you go
15:36Zelani is smiling
15:38But you know in her head she's thinking
15:40What a prick
15:41So earlier in the ceremony
15:44And this is the thing that everyone's talking about today
15:46Donald Trump was awarded the first ever FIFA Peace Prize
15:49And it was presented to him by Gianni Infantino
15:52There it is
15:53Look at that award
15:54Even Trump's trophy has wandering hands
15:56Yep
15:57The inaugural bell and door
16:02Lovely
16:03That is...
16:05That's good humour
16:06In a complete coincidence by the way
16:09In July this year FIFA opened an office
16:12In Trump Tower
16:13In New York City
16:15Which means Infantino basically gave a trophy to his landlord
16:19And if you're wondering how the award has gone down among the British public
16:22Check out the likes versus dislikes on this illuminating post on the BBC
16:29You have to say who the fuck are those 266 absolute losers
16:34Did you see all the stuff today? What did you think?
16:36It was incredible to watch
16:38Obviously like the village people coming out at the end
16:40Yeah
16:41It was absolutely batshit because they're dancing
16:42But everyone's turned their backs on them already going out
16:45But it was...
16:46I think the Americans they need to kind of get
16:48They need to kind of get the terminology right
16:50Yeah
16:51Because Ike Casillas who won the World Cup with Spain
16:53A goalkeeper
16:54Was interviewed by a reporter
16:56And Rio Ferdinand used to play for England is on stage
16:58And he asks...
17:00He asks Ike Casillas if Rio Ferdinand has ever scored on him
17:03Which sounds like something very different
17:06Yeah I scored on his face I scored
17:10Earlier in the week Trump seemed to fall asleep in a meeting
17:13In which Marco Rubio was bigging him up
17:16Here's the shocking footage
17:17But the opportunity to do that under these new trade deals is unprecedented
17:23Of crypto in the retirement investments and we're seeing more and more of that
17:28Where we also rescinded the supplemental statement that discouraged the fiduciaries
17:32All these things Mr. President I think you deserve tremendous credit for the transformational aspect of our foreign policy for the first time in probably four decades
17:40I mean, can you blame me? What's going on?
17:45No, you can't blame me
17:46Look, there's a lot that you can get on his case for
17:49Yeah
17:50Like his politics
17:52Apparently he's got a very tiny willy
17:54It's the size of a jelly top
17:55That's what I read online
17:56Yep
17:57There's a lot but falling asleep
17:59At 160 years old
18:02Is there anybody in the audience today who's like over the age of 80?
18:06Anybody?
18:07They're asleep
18:08They're asleep
18:09They're asleep
18:10Leave him alone man, I'm comfortable sleeping man
18:12I think it's the most normal thing he's ever done
18:14Yeah
18:15That he's had a nap
18:16What's not normal, the reason he was tired
18:19Did you see that he did 150 posts the night before?
18:23Yes
18:24So he's using social media like a teenage girl
18:26Which is, I think, why Epstein's so fond of him
18:29You're exactly right, have you ever had anyone fall asleep in front of you? Like when you're on stage maybe?
18:42Yeah, I have a view
18:44That's so rude, did somebody do that?
18:46Yeah, and I think it was worse for me because it was my first ever Edinburgh show
18:50And the guy that fell asleep was the only guy in the audience, he was the only audience member
18:56What?
18:57It was called Norman, it was raining, he came in to have a little read and he fell asleep
19:02I still did the whole show
19:04And I respect him, shout out to Norman
19:07Big up Norman
19:08Big up Norman
19:09He's asleep
19:10This time last year we gave out our inaugural Hands Awards
19:15To people we deem to be our heroes of the year
19:18I don't know if you remember we used to give out the dick of the year
19:20But to be honest we started to feel like there were too many dicks in the world to narrow it down to just one
19:24And this year has kind of become a dick apocalypse
19:26So tonight we're kicking off the search for this year's Hands Award winners
19:30Named in honour of our Paralympic mascot, this guy
19:33Now that's a handsy trophy
19:35We want you to nominate worthy winners for the 2025 Hands Awards
19:39It could be someone internationally famous, someone locally known, maybe even just your personal hero
19:44I'm going to go around the houses
19:46Who are you nominating?
19:47I want to nominate five people
19:49Yep
19:50Five
19:52For me the best musical reunion of the year
19:55Wow, okay, Joy
19:56So mine's musical as well
19:58But this week I did my Spotify Raptor
20:00It gives you your stats for the year
20:02Yeah
20:03And I found out that I am in the 0.7%
20:07Highest on earth fans of Sabrina Carpenter
20:12Wow
20:13Yes, and I'd love to say that it's my daughter but she has her own Spotify
20:17But I went to see her earlier in the year with my daughter
20:20We had the best time and then she slagged off Donald Trump this week
20:24She's a legend, her music's brilliant
20:26Plus, I love the idea that our production team have now got a week to try and give one of those to the most famous person on earth
20:33Also, we have to dress them up in the outfit of the person and it's going to be a very racy hands-on
20:39Guz?
20:43Um, there's a lot of people
20:45Yep
20:46But I reckon Zora Mamdani
20:47I feel bad for politicians who I know are about to get caned racially
20:51Because of the religious beliefs that they follow
20:53And we communicated online as well
20:55Did you?
20:56Yeah, yeah, yeah
20:57The mayor of New York communicated with you online?
20:58That's correct
20:59He's a big fan of a man like Mo Bean
21:00He says he likes my comedy
21:01No way
21:02He's aired me since he's become the mayor
21:04So, I don't know how I feel about him anymore
21:06We'll see how the next six months brings us
21:07Yeah
21:08Yeah, him for sure
21:09He's got too big for you
21:10Yeah
21:11Already
21:12He only just won as well, wanker
21:17Amy?
21:18Um, so it was going to be a woman who was at the edge of scientific discovery and space, Katy Perry
21:25Yeah
21:26But
21:28I had, um, a hospital appointment today
21:31Just routine if my parents are watching
21:33And, um, I said I'd give the doctor a shout out because he was so great
21:37And, crucially, very hot
21:39If you're listening, I'm shooting my shots
21:43What was his name?
21:45So hot
21:46Wow
21:47What was his name?
21:48Can I be allowed to say?
21:49Yeah, say
21:50Oh, you might not be
21:51Say the hospital or anything
21:52He knows who it is
21:53He said he's going to be watching
21:54Hello
21:55Wow
21:56I think doctor patient confidentiality works the other way, right?
22:00I don't think he applies to him
22:04I'm going to nominate Celia Imry
22:06Oh
22:07For this excruciating demonstration of how to own your own embarrassment on the traders
22:11Welcome to the worst team building away day experience in history
22:18What just happened?
22:19What just happened?
22:20I just filed it, Claudia
22:21Oh
22:22Oh
22:23Oh
22:24Oh
22:25Oh
22:28100%
22:29Oh
22:30100%!
22:31Yeah!
22:32100%!
22:36Alright, nominate whoever you think deserves
22:38to win a HANS Award on WhatsApp or Instagram.
22:40Use the hashtag showofhands
22:42and make sure you spell it HANS, H-A-N-S.
22:45We'll hand out as many as we can next week
22:47in our second-ever Show of HANS.
23:00I can be your HANS, baby
23:08I can HANS away the pain
23:14I will hand by you forever
23:20You can take my HANS away
23:25We'll have more last week for you after the break
23:27as your party launches your party
23:29and we launch Stand Up To Cancer.
23:31We'll see you in a little bit.
23:33I can be your HANS, baby
23:40I can HANS away the pain
23:42Oh yeah!
23:46I will hand by you forever
23:52You can take my HANS away
23:59Welcome back to The Last Leg.
24:15We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan.
24:18Now, in UK politics this week, the party formed by Jeremy Corbyn and Zahra Sultana
24:22as a fresh alternative to Labour chose a name.
24:26They had been unofficially known as Your Party
24:27but a vote this week
24:29they officially decided to be called
24:32Your Party.
24:34It led to this absurd headline
24:36Your Party members vote for Your Party to be called Your Party
24:40It's incredible, isn't it?
24:42It's like the opening episode of Apprentice
24:44Sounds like the political equivalent of a Your Mum joke
24:47Guz, you were a big Corbyn fan, so what do you make of all this?
24:50Yeah, I love Uncle JC
24:51You know the thing is, and I really like Zahra as well
24:54she's great, she's been up in conference with us
24:56but it's like, when they first announced it
24:58I was like, yeah, this is going to be like The Hangover, bro
25:01great movie, fun, unforgettable
25:04but now it feels like it's The Hangover 2
25:07and the party's going to get like 35% on Rotten Tomatoes
25:09do you know what I mean?
25:12What happened in The Hangover 2, nobody really knows
25:14No one knows
25:15I mean, it's a bit tricky
25:16They spent the whole time deciding whether to call it The Hangover 2
25:19Your Hangover
25:21Your Hangover
25:23I was really excited too, but it sort of feels like now
25:27you know when there's one roast potato left
25:31at the Christmas dinner
25:33and everybody wants it
25:35but no one's happy about it
25:36Right
25:38Do you know what I mean? Like, everyone wants
25:40this could be so good
25:42but it seems quite sad
25:45It is quite sad
25:47The conference took a vote on whether there should be a single leader
25:49or a collective leadership group
25:51and the group vote won the day 52% to 48
25:55Oh, Jeremy Corbyn going, not again
25:59Which means your party will now be run by a 16-member Central Executive Committee
26:03because you know what they say, not enough cooks spoil the broth
26:07No one wants the country run by 16 people
26:09I don't want to be in a WhatsApp group with 16 people
26:12The thing is though, I actually think it's quite clever
26:14Yeah
26:15Because I think they're going to join together like Power Rangers
26:18and make Mega Corbyn
26:19In other political news, reform leader Nigel Farah
26:22I just spent the last few weeks denying claims he made racist comments when he was at school
26:31Actually, I'm not sure denying is really the right word
26:34He did whatever it is he's doing in this incriminating clip
26:37The question is, did you ever racially abuse fellow pupils in school?
26:41You've caveated it with a hurtful way
26:43Not within 10
26:44Not within 10
26:45What do you mean not within 10?
26:46I don't understand what you mean by not within 10
26:47What does that mean?
26:48You wouldn't do
26:49But what does that mean?
26:50No
26:51No what?
26:52No, I have never directly really tried to go and hurt anybody
26:58I think he was very clear
27:02Yeah
27:05Faraj is now refusing to talk to the BBC until they apologise for their comedy in the 70s
27:11And he had this rattled retort to a journalist from ITV
27:16I've spoken to another people from...
27:19Good for you, let's move on to the times shall we
27:22He says he can remember you
27:24Very good
27:26Very good
27:28Harry, you are wasting your time
27:30Bernard Manning
27:31Bernard Manning
27:32Bernard Manning
27:33Bernard Manning
27:34Do you want to hear some of the Bernard Manning jokes on ITV?
27:36Why is he talking about that bloke who does the turkey?
27:42The only thing is when he said his name three times, Bernard Manning appeared at the back of the audience
27:49I don't know, Gus, what do you make of the far right?
27:52You know, there's reform and then there's further
27:54Like what do you make of all that area of politics?
27:56No, yeah, I'm a big fan, I think they're quite misunderstood
28:01Oh, you've had a run-in though
28:02I do like to go back and forth
28:03Yeah, just because I feel like unfortunately
28:05A lot of it seems to be centred around a working class
28:08I started off as a working class lad from the West Midlands
28:10I never want to lose touch with the people that I grew up around or my neighbours
28:13So I like to go to the big wigs in the movement
28:16Yeah, Tommy Robinson, Steven Yaxley-Lennon
28:18We go back a lot, we had a recent interaction
28:21Where I asked him a question and he said
28:22It doesn't matter what you think because your mum and dad are cousins
28:25And I said
28:27Was this on social media?
28:28Yeah, social media, yeah
28:29If it was in KFC, he would have banged him
28:30But like...
28:32LAUGHTER
28:33LAUGHTER
28:34This is true, this is true
28:37Go for one line
28:39And I had to remind him that not all Asian people's parents are cousins
28:42Mine aren't, they're from different countries
28:44And I said, but it's kind of ironic that you're worried about the genetics
28:48Of parents and the kind of children they produce
28:51When his mum and dad produced a son no bigger than a Lego minifigure
28:54Do you know what I mean?
28:55Yeah, yeah
28:56Holly Pocket from Luton's taking a piss, bro
28:57Worry about yourself, don't worry about me
29:00And did he get, did he respond?
29:02He did, he actually found it quite funny
29:04Your social media's mad!
29:06Yeah, yeah
29:08It's more than true, isn't it? More than Trump
29:10Are you now mates with Tommy Robinson?
29:12Don't be saying all that shit!
29:13I didn't say that!
29:15I didn't say that!
29:16It's interesting, like, all of that super right-wing hatred
29:20Wherever you find it, it's grifty
29:22Yeah, yeah
29:23People don't really believe in the things that they say
29:25It's all to galvanise an emotion and a feeling
29:28But really when it comes down to it in the inbox
29:30It's all quite polite, very underwhelming
29:32Now we need to move on because Stand Up To Cancer is back this year
29:34With a week-long campaign that kicked off today
29:36There's a brand new Stand Up To Cancer screening checker
29:39Where you can find out if you're eligible for a cervical, breast or bowel screening
29:43Or as they're calling it, your bits, tits and shits
29:45You can find the details at screeningchecker.co.uk
29:49Meanwhile, the city of Leicester is preparing for the Stand Up To Cancer Tribute Mile
29:53So it's going to be a lantern display made by people from all around the UK
29:57With each lantern dedicated to a loved one lost to cancer
30:00You can create your own dedication at Tributemile.co.uk
30:03I'm going to be launching the Tribute Mile with Mel Schilling at High Cross Leicester on Tuesday from midday
30:08Then Friday next week, 7.30, I'm going to be co-hosting the Stand Up To Cancer broadcast
30:13Alongside Davina McCall, Claire Balding, Vicky Patterson, Hannah Frye, Babatunde Aleshe
30:17And a whole bunch of special guests
30:19Hopefully I'll make it back here for the last leg
30:21But there is a chance Josh and Alex might have to host the show on their own
30:24Oh no!
30:26That would be a real shame
30:29Keeping everything cross for you
30:34Greg Davies and Alex Horne will also be involved
30:38And they've been trying to come up with ways to bring attention to Stand Up To Cancer
30:42We are very excited now to show you a sneak peek at how they've been getting on
30:47Three words, six foot vulva
30:53What's going on?
30:58The campaign needs a mascot
31:00Children in need has Pudsey
31:02Red Nose Day has Lenny Henry
31:04This vulva is a combination of both
31:06It's cute and funny
31:08Plus it reminds people to get their bits checked for cancer
31:11That's because this time Stand Up To Cancer is trying to raise awareness of cancer screening
31:17Claire, this is not some perverted episode of The Masked Singer
31:20I can't have someone dressed as a six foot fanny
31:23Go away, come up with some better ideas
31:25Pussy
31:27I heard that balding!
31:29OK, today, Greg, we're hoping to find that special sauce
31:33That makes a good Stand Up To Cancer campaign great
31:37OK, and these comprise of the appeal films
31:39The sloppy bits to make people cry and hand over their money
31:42OK, and also the celebrity challenge
31:44Celebs are flown first class so they can do a trek and rebrand themselves
31:48I suppose so, yes, and also a song
31:51Manipulative cry bait, OK, fine, who's doing that?
31:56Oh, God
31:58So Nish has composed a song to try to get more members of the South Asian community to consider bowel screening
32:04Yeah
32:06Right then
32:07Don't be shy, don't be chumps
32:09Not enough Asians are sharing their dumps
32:11Collect your turd and send your poo
32:14The scientists want your number two
32:16Everybody poop, scoop, seal and send
32:19Just me, do it, you belly
32:20Get out!
32:23Tell him!
32:24Get out!
32:25Shout it!
32:26Get out!
32:27Get out!
32:28Can do!
32:32Greg?
32:33Yes?
32:34I've got an idea for a challenge
32:35For who?
32:36For me!
32:37You're not a celebrity
32:38You look like a child drew a face on a Victorian clothes peg
32:41No one wants to see you do anything
32:50Hi Greg, it's Claudia
32:52Ah, Winkleman
32:53Sorry to bother you, but Claire Balding's been on the phone
32:56Yep
32:57She's really upset about her vulva
33:00Hello?
33:02Greg, how's it going?
33:03Honestly?
33:04So far I've had Balding's vulva
33:05And I've had Nish Kumar's shit song
33:07It's proving harder than I thought
33:09Do you know what?
33:10Never failed me, fall back on public humiliation
33:13What?
33:14I've got naked, I've had my bum waxed
33:15And I bungee jumped
33:17I'm thinking you produce a stool sample live on television
33:20And show people the correct way to collect it
33:23Are you shy?
33:25I thought you were a big brave boy
33:26I am a big brave boy
33:28He is a big brave boy
33:30Awesome, I'll tell him you're in
33:32He said yes
33:35I am not doing plip-plops on national television
33:39We need more ideas and we need them now
33:42I can't take any more
33:43Shit!
33:47Are you mad?
33:48Claire?
33:49I said no to your vulva
33:51I'm not going to sign off on a giant turd, am I?
33:53My God, I thought you were supposed to be clever
33:55I thought you were like a sporty Stephen Fry
33:56Greg, this mascot will get people talking about screening their shit
34:01Their shit?
34:03Their shit?
34:04No, Claire, your ideas, their shit
34:07We need funny, clever, edgy ideas
34:09Go back to the drawing board
34:11Wanker
34:13I heard you again, Balding!
34:16Well, well, well
34:18My old diving partner
34:19Hi Greggles
34:20It's Gregg
34:21Or Sir
34:22What have you got for me?
34:23I am knitting something quite special for you
34:27It's not a vulva, is it?
34:29How did you know?
34:30Was it that obvious?
34:32Hi Gregg
34:33Dermot Murna
34:35Another candidate for the song, are you?
34:37It's a spoken word composition
34:39Is it indeed?
34:41Good evening
34:43Our top story tonight
34:46Cancer
34:48Yeah, it's good, Dermot
34:49I just...
34:51It's bad for everyone
34:53Could I, erm...
34:57Get out, Dermot
35:00Honestly
35:01What a vibe kill, have we not got anyone fun?
35:04You need to be more intimidating
35:06Right, intimidating to cancer
35:07And we do that how?
35:11Listen up, you slimy piece of shit
35:13You think you can crawl in wrecked lives
35:15And just get away with it
35:16Well, not on my fucking watch, dickhead
35:18You've picked the wrong enemy
35:19I'm going to crawl inside you
35:21And destroy you cell by cell
35:23You hear me, you cancerous bastard
35:28Wow
35:31He was a little aggressive
35:32He was lovely
35:34Hmm
35:35I do think my challenge idea
35:37Is good
35:38Alex, the people upstairs
35:39Have already said no
35:41But the people upstairs
35:42Are an accountancy firm
35:43Yes, they are
35:44And they think you are a
35:45Tit
35:48Or tit?
35:49How the fuck did you get an OBE?
35:51It's a CBE actually
35:52But Greg, once again
35:54This mascot is designed to get people talking
35:56About breast screening
35:57Claire
35:58I can't have a mega boob in the studio
36:00People are perverts
36:01They won't be able to stop themselves
36:02Hey, dirty boy
36:03Dirty boy
36:04See?
36:05Do you have any better ideas?
36:06Well
36:09Well, considering that you don't have anything else at all
36:12Could I please have my shit, my tit and my vulva?
36:17Fine
36:18You are a twat
36:20GASP
36:21Balting is mean
36:22I know
36:24I was just thinking, Greg, considering the situation
36:28What about my challenge?
36:29Oh, God
36:30Will it be humiliating for you?
36:31Oh, yeah
36:32OK
36:33Fine, get on with it
36:35It's balting's problem
36:37Yes
36:38You can see the rest of their story next week from 7.30 on Channel 4
36:49And Alex Horne is going to give us a hint as to what his challenge might be after the break
36:53We also want your votes for this year's Hands Awards
36:56Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram
36:58The hashtag is showofhands
36:59We'll see you in a little bit
37:15Welcome back to Last Legs
37:16We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
37:18Now, before the break, we showed you some footage of Greg Davies and Alex Horne
37:22Trying to come up with some ideas for the Stand Up To Cancer campaign
37:25All week, Alex Horne is going to be releasing teasers for what his on-air challenge will be
37:29Here's the first one that he made just for us
37:34Hello, everyone
37:35Hello, Adam
37:36Hello, Alex
37:37Hi, Josh
37:38Normally, I set the challenges
37:40Tasks, even
37:41But now it's my turn
37:42On Thursday night at 10pm
37:44Channel 4
37:4511th of December
37:46I
37:47Am going to do a task
37:48It will not be easy
37:50It will be
37:51Hard
37:52But I'm ready
37:53I'm little Alex Horne
37:54Arrgh
37:55I have no idea what that means
38:00No idea what that means
38:01She's in on Thursday night to find out what his challenge is going to be
38:04Let's do a bit of entertainment news now
38:06Meghan Markle has released a Christmas special of her Netflix show
38:09Here is a riveting scene of her carefully explaining what an advent calendar is
38:13As if she's just discovered them for the first time
38:15I love the idea of an advent calendar
38:19So I wanted to do it for my own kids
38:21You could get small ones that just have a small chocolate each day
38:24You can get them pre-made
38:25And all it's really about is having a surprise and delight every single day
38:29For 24 days until you get to Christmas
38:32But they're not supposed to be big things
38:34They're supposed to be small gestures
38:35Carols and bells, incredible smell
38:39I'm writing I love you because you are so kind
38:42And I love you because you're so brave
38:44Yeah
38:45There's another note that says stay away from Uncle Andrew
38:48How is she too edgy for the royal family?
39:02How are the royal family going? What are they thinking?
39:06I mean hanging out with a pedophile is one thing
39:08But wrapping cinnamon sticks in a bow is just too damn disruptive
39:12I was wondering why Prince Harry's just done you know Colbert in America
39:18He's been doing late night TV shows
39:19Yeah and I was like why is he doing that?
39:21And now I've seen that it's to get out of the house
39:23He needs a break
39:26But like if I was a kid and I got like a note in my advent calendar that says I love you
39:31Without a chocolate I would think they don't love me
39:34Yes
39:35You can't write you're kind to tell you who's not fucking kind
39:38The person who didn't give me a chocolate
39:40Wouldn't you run out of things to say as well?
39:42Like after a while you'd just be like happy Wednesday
39:48I'm a big fan of both of them I won't hear a word again
39:51I genuinely love Harry and Meghan
39:53Do you?
39:54They left the shit fight that is the royal family
39:56And we think they're the weirdos
39:58No, no we think they're all weird
40:00Both sides
40:01It's possible for both of them to be wankers
40:08Oh look at Britain
40:12Look at Britain
40:13And that is how revolution begins
40:17All right it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest
40:19Amy and Guz have to work out why they're in the news this week
40:22Can we have the mystery guest please?
40:24Oh
40:26Mysterious guest
40:28I wanna get close to you
40:31So close to you my favourite
40:36Okay this is Lauren and Joe
40:38But why were they in the news this week?
40:41Can we have the dramatic lighting change please?
40:46So Lauren surprised Joe by walking down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex
40:51Lauren surprised Joe by jumping out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack
40:57Or Lauren surprised mourners by turning up at a funeral dressed as a deceased
41:03Joe's grand
41:04Oh
41:06What are you what are your initial thoughts?
41:08Wow
41:09I don't think it could be the heart attack because you look so good and healthy right now
41:13Mm-hmm
41:14Don't give her a clue Joe!
41:17Well it's definitely not that one
41:18It's not that one
41:19It's not that one
41:20So it could be T-Rex
41:21Also if he'd had a heart attack I wouldn't have shouted at him like that
41:25Thank goodness
41:26So T-Rex down the aisle
41:29Or dressing as his dead gran at the funeral
41:33Why did I just ask him? Did she dress as your dead gran?
41:35You can't ask them Gus!
41:37Okay I tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guest after the break
41:40Okay
41:41Okay
41:42No more questions to them
41:43Alex will end the show by singing with his new band Unique Limbs Situation
41:48Don't go away
41:49Don't miss that we'll see you in a little bit
42:06Welcome back to Last Live
42:07We're joined by Amy Gledhill and Guz Khan
42:09Now before the break we challenged our guests to work out how this person's wife was connected to the news
42:14Can we have the options again please?
42:16Yes, did she walk down the aisle dressed as a T-Rex on her wedding day?
42:23Did she jump out of his birthday cake giving him a heart attack?
42:26Or did she come to his gran's funeral dressed as his gran?
42:31What do you think?
42:33I defer to the intelligent and legendary one here in this combination
42:36Okay
42:37You coward
42:38Yes
42:39Amy?
42:40T-Rex
42:41T-Rex?
42:42T-Rex down the aisle
42:43Well mystery guest is going to reveal the answer by dressing in the appropriate way
42:47Come on out
42:48T-Rex
42:49T-Rex
42:50T-Rex
42:51T-Rex
42:52T-Rex
42:53T-Rex
42:54T-Rex
42:55T-Rex
42:56Umm-
43:06T-Rex
43:08ì • одну
43:09ツ
43:11T-Rex
43:12Ohio
43:13Um, entertainment
43:14Santos
43:15OK
43:16What were you thinking when when when she was? Honestly, I had no idea
43:21But when there was like a delay, it was actually her inflating the suit behind the door
43:26Just stood at the end for quite some time. So were you standing there wondering where she is and you could just see you
43:33And did you dress like that for your whole wedding day? No, no, it was just for the aisle. Oh, yeah, it'd be mental otherwise
43:39Yeah
43:45Okay, if you were in a band you I mean you might have just joined unique limb situation
43:51Would you thank Lauren and Joe?
43:59Josh has been standing up for the last seven days. What have you got?
44:01Well, I've got a clip that actually is from this week and I
44:05I wanted Lauren to see this you might have some explaining to do. Yep
44:10Would you like to see someone getting away with fly tipping by wearing an extravagant outfit in this unbelievable footage? Yes, please
44:20This is really you can see the date is this is what Tuesday this week
44:27And they are doing it dressed as a dinosaur
44:35Yeah
44:40Lauren explain yourself
44:44Was it you no comment?
44:49Thank you very much Lauren and Joe
44:57All right, we asked you to nominate people with this year's hands awards
45:00Um, there have been a whole bunch of celebrities, uh, like Lindsay Burrow
45:04Zach Polanski David Tennant
45:06But people like Jill Robinson from the play it forward charity brass group who raised 40,000 pounds for charity
45:14Jolion Maugham from the good law project standing up for for trans people
45:18Tamsin said my dad David who works with bakeries in Ukraine one in Kiev run by and for people with disabilities
45:25Uh, and someone said the drunk raccoon that broke into a supermarket drank alcohol and passed out
45:32Could be any of those tune in next week. Um, Alex is getting ready to end the show with his new band unique limb situation
45:37But before he does would you please thank our guests Amy Gledhill
45:40And Gus Kahn
45:42And my co-host Josh Whittacom and Alex Brooker
45:48Josh and Alex will be back next week with comedians John Richardson and Matt Ford as well as presenter AJ Adudu
45:56Right now after AI identified Alex as having a unique limb situation
46:00He's about to show off his newly formed band called unique limb situation
46:05Thanks watching a last league. My name's Adam Hills. I'll see you at 7 30 next Friday for stand up to cancer and hopefully later that night for the next leg
46:12Take it away, Alex
46:24If you see me walking down the street
46:28Staring at the sky
46:30Dragging my fake feet a cap just go straight on
46:35Did not know that's a farm
46:38Big hands won't make me whole again
46:41Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
46:44Looking back on where my foot left
46:47I cannot escape
46:50But the parking's the best
46:52Mittens, you're the one
46:55You still slip right on
46:58Big hands won't make me whole again
47:01Because my limbs are great
47:04Because my limbs are great
47:05And I won't change my mind
47:07And I won't change my mind
47:08New hands would be too late
47:10Because I'm happy to go on
47:12With these little buggers there's nothing wrong
47:14Big hands won't make me whole again
47:16Big hands won't make me whole again
47:18Big hands won't make me whole again
47:19Big hands won't make me whole again
47:22Looking back on where my foot left
47:25Looking back on where my foot left
47:26Neither can I escape
47:28But the park is the best
47:31Mittens, you're the one
47:34You still slip right on
47:36Big hands won't make me whole again
47:39Oh, oh, Mittens, you're the one
47:43You still slip right on
47:46Big hands won't make me whole again
Be the first to comment