00:00hello everyone hi good morning how's everyone doing this morning awesome me too good morning
00:12and welcome to the hollywood reporters 2024 women and entertainment power 100 breakfast gala
00:19the search for curly's gold part one folie when i was told i had been chosen as one of the power 100
00:28women in hollywood i was so incredibly honored and then i said which number am i and they said it
00:34doesn't work that way you're all equal and i said okay well if that's the case then can i sit at
00:37nicole kidman's table and that's when the correspondence ended but then they asked me
00:43to do the opening remarks for today and i didn't even read the rest of the email before i was like
00:47oh hell yeah but then um i should have because i then read 7 a.m arrival time what the is this
00:58a breakfast gala for women in hollywood we don't even eat that meal but truly
01:07no what better time to honor women than at 8 a.m within at 8 a.m before the industry is even awake
01:14in that coveted post-thanksgiving pre-christmas hollywood dead zone
01:19we are women in hollywood hear us roar but not too loudly because the hotel has a quiet policy
01:25enforced until 8 9 a.m so but this is uh this is awesome um i love being in full glam at the crack
01:32of dawn what am i supposed to do the rest of the day looking like this i have fake eyelashes
01:39fake hair over lined lips i can't go to ralph's looking like this it would be ridiculous and if
01:45i want to go to air one i'm going to need to get touch-ups it's
01:51usually usually women who look this done up at 7 a.m aren't entering the beverly hills hotel they're
01:57leaving with a lot of cash and a fun story about charlie sheen but
02:06being a woman in hollywood is is really difficult for a multitude of reasons that
02:10we're going to get into in a second but um can we all just acknowledge the toll glam takes on our
02:16schedules thank you did you have to everyone start getting ready when it was still dark outside yes
02:21in fact uh i really think this very speech i'm giving right now is probably could have been 20
02:27better had i not spent most of yesterday getting ready just to feel presentable enough to read this
02:32in front of some of the most stunning and powerful women who have ever walked the planet and their plus
02:36ones and it's a lot right it's hard to write a speech in the same day you have to get a spray tan
02:46do a fitting get your nails done and your bleach your asshole i mean i didn't have to do that last
02:51one but i don't know what the rest of the day entails and yeah it's a privilege to get all done
02:57up and have a team of pros make me look as glamorous as i can possibly be but let's just remember that
03:03this is a part of our job that men don't really have to do right and when they do you hear about it
03:10non-stop i oh so colin farrell is so dedicated to his craft that he spends three hours in the makeup
03:16chair to transform into the penguin that's how long it takes me every day to make sure i don't look like
03:21a penguin okay or any other flightless bird that some redditor may compare me to and ruin my week i
03:29and i know i don't have to wear makeup but yes i do i'm i'm not pam anderson i haven't earned the right
03:37to a bare face i've been famous for five minutes if i started showing up places without makeup my
03:43agents would place me under conservatorship controlled by jamie spears they wouldn't even give it to my dad
03:52but i digress let's get back on track let's just take a moment right now to really appreciate the
03:58firepower in this room i mean look around this is the power 100 the most powerful women in hollywood
04:06assembled here together in the same room i mean we're like the avengers of people who haven't
04:11seen the avengers and i'm so honored to be here it really is because of bold badass women like you
04:22all that i even get to stand up here and speak my mind and say insane things like i bleach my asshole
04:28and i and i still get to work in this business and and yeah that now that work is going to be in
04:32charlie sheen's hotel room but that's a job's a job and today we're here to celebrate honor and
04:39encourage each other which let's be honest in an industry that relentlessly pits us against each
04:45other isn't always easy to do you know i'm i'm so proud to be in this group of amazing women but
04:52i know that sometimes i struggle with supporting women and and i bet you do too like i'm a jealous
04:59bitch i can't help it i i wish i wasn't but i mean i would bet there are at least like 30 of you in
05:06here today that i have at one point muted on instagram because you got some job i wanted or you had some
05:12relationship i envied or worst of all your hair air dries straight it's like
05:20and you gotta mute and muting is fine when you when you need to protect yourself from the comparing and
05:24despairing but the thing i found that has helped me in this business more than anything is sleeping
05:30with powerful men i'm kidding it's adderall but besides those two things it's no it's the truth is
05:40the hard thing to do is to be kind and and not ellen kind it's like
05:45kind kind you know it's it it's so easy to just judge envy and resent women you fear will take
05:59your place in this business but the harder thing to do is to bring them in to give advice to give
06:05them opportunities i really try to challenge myself to do exactly what i really wanted women to do for
06:10me when i was coming up in this business because when i first started in stand-up over two decades
06:15ago a whole jenna ortega ago i'll i really i'll never forget that um there was this in my tiny
06:26st louis stand-up scene there was a woman who i really looked up to uh in the scene who didn't
06:31really like me and in fact she went out of her way to tell everyone who mattered that i i slept with
06:37comedians for stage time which of course wasn't true i blew them but it's different um but
06:46it sucked man like we've all had something like that happen and her actions like actually impacted
06:52my life and it was bad but then i moved to la and i got out of there and then i met comics like
06:58caroline ray and sarah silverman wendy liebman bonnie mcfarlane and natasha leggero who were
07:04actually like nice to me and it wasn't just because i ate a mean puss i mean it was because
07:08they they understood they understood what i hope we all get from today's event that
07:20we're better when we support one another we are especially when that girl that you supported
07:29could one day cast you as her wacky aunt in her hit tv show after your career career derailed because of
07:34your botched eye job okay which i just turned 40 so we're years and years away from that two years but
07:42but this morning i really i'm so proud to be a part of the hollywood reporter women's power 100 and i'll
07:47close by um quoting the great lady gaga who once said at least three dozen times if there are a hundred
07:55people in a room and 99 don't believe in you you're probably at the men's power 100. thank you very
08:03much enjoy your breakfast
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