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00:00Why must there be pressure?
00:01Create your own society.
00:03Get a new society for yourself just as you get a new dress for yourself.
00:06You have all the freedom and just one life.
00:08Is there a way to engage with community that doesn't arise from loneliness?
00:13So I say there is something missing in my life.
00:16And because there is something missing in my life, I'll strike a relationship with this.
00:21And the assumption will be when this enters my life, then I'll be complete.
00:26There'll be happiness.
00:27There'll be fulfillment.
00:27That's the usual center of relationship.
00:32The man took a wife because the wife would take care of the house and breed kids
00:37and be good at kitchen and be good at the bed and also take care of the old parents.
00:43As long as you are giving me pleasure, as long as you are satisfying my needs, there will be peace.
00:49The day you stop obeying my command, the day you stop fulfilling my desires, there will be war.
00:57Why do I have to relate to exploit?
01:00Why do I have to relate to be dependent?
01:02So good afternoon, Acharya Ji.
01:08Your teachings guide us towards aloneness, which is a state free from the ego's need for others.
01:13Conversely, medical studies do consistently show that a sense of community is required for proper mental health.
01:19If our deep-seated need for human connection is merely an egoic attachment, how can we overcome it if it possesses a risk to our well-being?
01:28And is there a way to engage with community that doesn't arise from loneliness?
01:32You see, when I say you have to be alone, that is not asocial or antisocial advice.
01:44That's something of the inside.
01:47See, even external relations come from somewhere, right?
01:51Let's say, I relate to you, I relate to him, I relate to him, I relate to her.
01:59There is a centre, a point from where the relationship is arising, right?
02:06Most often, the relationship comes from a point of incompleteness.
02:12So, I say, there is something missing in my life, and because there is something missing in my life, I will strike a relationship with this.
02:25And the assumption will be, when this enters my life, then I will be complete, there will be happiness, there will be fulfilment.
02:35That's the usual centre of relationship.
02:38And this is what we call as the society, please see.
02:45You scratch my bag, I scratch your bag, that's the social contract.
02:50That's also what we usually call as marriage, exchange of pleasure, exchange of dependencies.
02:58Right?
02:59So, that's a centre from which we proceed to relate with someone.
03:05That's the society.
03:05That's what I am arguing against.
03:10There can be another way of relating to the other.
03:14We are not talking of relating versus not relating.
03:19We are talking of relating in one way versus relating in another way.
03:23Aloneness does not mean that you don't relate.
03:26Aloneness means you relate from another centre.
03:29The usual centre is pretty rotten, is it not?
03:35If this is useful to me, and that's the reason I come to this or purchase this, will I ever care for its freedom?
03:42The man took a wife because the wife would take care of the house and breed kids and be good at kitchen and be good at the bed and also take care of the old parents.
03:55If that is the reason, would the man ever let the wife be free or vice versa, would the wife let the man be free?
04:05I'm asking.
04:06That's the nature of the social contract.
04:08And that's why there is a lot of violence.
04:11And that's why you should not be surprised when you hear of spouses killing each other or living partners killing each other or daughters being killed by fathers or whatever, or nations fighting each other.
04:27Because peace, whether between family members or whether between countries, is very fragile.
04:37It's a peace dependent on self-interest.
04:40As long as you are giving me pleasure, as long as you are satisfying my needs, there will be peace.
04:48The day you stop obeying my command, the day you stop fulfilling my desires, there will be war.
04:57War between father and son, war between countries.
05:03That's the usual contract.
05:05I'm talking of a different kind of contract.
05:08Can't I be, first of all, existentially complete?
05:16Obviously, when it comes to the air, I must be dependent on the universe.
05:21For this mic, I am dependent on the manufacturer.
05:23For this interaction, I am dependent on this intelligent panel.
05:30And you are dependent on me.
05:32For sitting, I am dependent on this sofa.
05:35Right?
05:35So, this kind of dependence is unavoidable.
05:40But can't there be another kind of independence?
05:44Yes, I am dependent on this, I am dependent on this, this, this, everything.
05:49But still, can't there be independence within?
05:54I mean, I am speaking to you.
05:55Why must I speak to you?
05:58For a personal gain.
06:00And if I am speaking to you for personal gain, can I ever be truthful to you?
06:06Then I'll have to mince my words and mix my words and dilute them and sweeten them.
06:15Can I then say it is truth without apology?
06:18Can I then say?
06:19I am talking of relationship from that centre.
06:23Please understand.
06:24Why do I have to relate to exploit?
06:29Why do I have to relate to be dependent?
06:32And that can happen and result in a very, very beautiful relationship.
06:38If you are existentially complete within.
06:42Only then can there be love.
06:45I come to you not to take away something.
06:49I come to you not to snatch something.
06:52I come to you not for my bare needs.
06:57I come to you to just be with you.
07:00I come to you to give sometimes.
07:02Or if I have to come to you to take something,
07:06I am very open and naked about it.
07:10Are you getting it?
07:12That's the centre of aloneness.
07:14It's not an anti-social centre.
07:16It is not a centre of social aloofness.
07:20In fact, only from this centre of aloneness.
07:23Aloneness means total inner completeness.
07:27And from this centre of aloneness,
07:29there can be beautiful relationships.
07:31There can be loving relationships.
07:33There can be compassion.
07:34Because now you are not looking to be a parasite.
07:39Because now you are not looking to be a commander.
07:43An owner.
07:46A coloniser.
07:47So then sir, where would we say something like true love comes from?
07:54Or does that concept not exist?
07:55Soulmates and all of that.
07:57The one.
07:58So this is what is true love.
08:00No?
08:01It doesn't look like ordinary love.
08:04Therefore, it rarely gets its dues.
08:08True love.
08:09Would rarely be appreciated.
08:10It would not get its dues.
08:12True love would look like apathy.
08:15It can even look like cruelty.
08:19And false love is always very saccharine loaded.
08:26We love it.
08:29You know.
08:30Rainbows and scarves.
08:32And teddy bears.
08:37And chocolates.
08:40And somebody opening the doors for you.
08:43And somebody taking care of your flowing gown.
08:49That looks so nice.
08:51But that's not love.
08:54And then it presents its ugly face and we are shocked.
08:58We say, I have been deceived.
09:01Cheating, cheating, cheating.
09:03No, that's not cheating.
09:04That's the nature of the relationship.
09:06It is inbuilt in the relationship.
09:09It is going to happen.
09:10Necessarily going to happen.
09:12You should have seen it coming.
09:15On the other hand,
09:17true love is not romantic.
09:22True love is not a thing of pleasant experience.
09:26It is a thing of inner elevation.
09:28It's a thing of holding somebody's hand for their sake, not your own.
09:39Or it is a thing of compassion.
09:41It is about supporting the other in the right pursuit.
09:47In that sense, it is true companionship.
09:50I am there in your life to enable you to do the right thing and live rightly.
09:55And that is true love.
09:57But that can appear harsh.
10:00That appears harsh because our expectation has been framed by movies and all the songs and all the hormonal stuff.
10:14I am Dr. Chakravarti.
10:22Sir, should there be zero expectation in a relationship?
10:25Not at all.
10:25Not at all.
10:26There should be great expectations in a relationship.
10:29But you must expect for that person, not for yourself.
10:35There can be great anger also in a relationship.
10:39If you are not doing what is best for you.
10:42On the other hand, there is a kind of anger.
10:44You didn't fulfill my desire, so I am angry.
10:47You can have great expectations.
10:52As I speak to you, some part of me expects attention.
10:57Not because I want to be applauded.
11:00But because I come here to share something which I truly think is valuable.
11:05Therefore, there is an expectation that there would be attention.
11:11Do you get this?
11:12Everything is alright if it comes from the right center.
11:15Expectations are beautiful.
11:16If they come from the right center.
11:18Why shouldn't one expect?
11:19You should expect from others.
11:20You should also expect from yourself.
11:23You can even punish yourself just as you can punish others.
11:27That's fine.
11:29But from the right center.
11:31Not for your own self-serving interests.
11:36And whether you are being self-serving or truly loving,
11:42only the mirror can tell you.
11:43Nobody else can.
11:46You can exploit the other in the name of loving the other.
11:51And say, I am doing it all for you.
11:54Give all your money to me.
11:57Because I know you will blow away the money.
11:59I don't trust you.
12:03You always burn money at all the wrong places.
12:06So give me all your money.
12:07I am doing it for you.
12:10All these things can always be justified.
12:12But justification is not the same as honesty.
12:16Or is it?
12:17You can rationalize all kinds of things.
12:20The mirror is another thing.
12:24Only the mirror can tell you what you are really doing and where it is coming from.
12:28But sir, this mirror that you speak of, when I look at myself in the mirror, of course I am going to have my own, you know, fallacies about myself.
12:37But I am a very nice person.
12:39No, no, no.
12:40How do I make sure that my mirror is honest to me?
12:42When you really love yourself, then you don't lie to the mirror.
12:49Just as the mirror never lies to you.
12:53If you are really concerned, I am giving you a very material example, very everyday example.
12:59If you are really concerned that you must look good for a party, will you lie to yourself that you are looking good?
13:09No.
13:10In fact, you will specifically, microscopically look for places in your appearance, in your face, where the makeup is still imperfect.
13:25Right?
13:26That's how the mirror has to be used.
13:29Just as when you want to look good for the party, you very minutely scrutinize yourself.
13:36Similarly, the inner mirror has to be used to scrutinize the mind, the emotions, in the most minute and microscopic way possible.
13:50And we know how to do that, right?
13:53We know how to do that.
13:54Otherwise, it won't take four hours in the parlor.
13:58What else are they doing?
13:59Why does it take four hours?
14:01Because every damn cell is being investigated.
14:05The thinnest strand of hair on the face must be removed.
14:13Similarly, the inner impurities must be seen and investigated.
14:20So, it's not as if we don't know how to do it.
14:23Just that we apply the skill only to the face or the body.
14:26The same skill must be applied to the self, the mind.
14:31Sir, how does one solve a strained relationship?
14:36In the sense, suppose I'm the one and I always feel I'm doing the right things.
14:43And I'm very honest about it.
14:45And the other person is not doing the right thing.
14:48And there comes the conflict.
14:49So, how do we solve this problem?
14:51In the sense, in a relationship, it could be anything.
14:54It could be between spouse.
14:55It could be father-son.
14:56It could be anything.
14:56And any person thinks that he's doing the right thing.
15:01And I'm very honest.
15:02I'm, you know, all possible ways, I'm the right person.
15:06And the other person is not doing the right thing.
15:09So, how does one solve that problem?
15:16The other person is not doing the right thing for himself or for us?
15:22For us.
15:23That lies the problem.
15:31That lies the problem.
15:35Even if you think that the other person is not doing the right thing for himself or herself.
15:40For himself, yes.
15:41How do you, and that person is not ready to listen or not ready to accept my statement or whatever like.
15:48Then we pass that person on to a more suitable teacher.
15:53Okay.
15:54I deal with so many students.
15:58One thing that I have learnt over all these decades is,
16:03if you are unsuitable as a teacher or a particular student,
16:11then trying too much may not necessarily mean compassion.
16:19It could also mean a search for personal achievement.
16:24So, beyond the point, there is no point exerting yourself on somebody who is not receiving through your root.
16:37If the love is real, right, you have a kid, you want to feed the kid.
16:43The kid does not go well with you.
16:46The kid is declining to be fed by you.
16:50What do you do?
16:50You hand the kid over to somebody else.
16:55Here, here, this is.
16:56Please feed him.
16:58Or do you insist?
16:59If you will be fed, it will be through my hands.
17:03Else, I assure you will starve.
17:06You don't do that, right?
17:09So, this kind of handing over is a great part of love.
17:14If I can't be good for you, let me move on.
17:17I couldn't help you as a friend.
17:21Maybe I'll help you as a stranger.
17:26So, then I need not remain in your proximity as a friend.
17:30Let me become a stranger for your sake.
17:36Yeah?
17:40So, Guruji, my next question is like kind of a two-part thing.
17:43So, in a world where we're constantly surrounded by performativeness, where it is rewarded, and authenticity isn't seen as natural.
17:54It's seen as an act of rebellion, wherein if we live true to ourselves and we're defying the expectations of the people around us,
18:01it kind of seems that we are not part of the society we're in.
18:07It seems like we're doing something that isn't preferred.
18:10And in a world that wants to commodify us and is insistent on utility and results, even in simple processes that bring us joy,
18:19how do we live a life that is authentic, and how do we get joy from small things?
18:24You're saying how to live authentically when there is so much social and peer pressure and social influence?
18:34That's what you're saying?
18:35Yes.
18:35The society is no, not one thing.
18:41This that we have gathered here right now is a society.
18:45But I'm pretty sure your institution consists of thousands of professionals.
18:53I was told 6,000 to 7,000 OPDs per day.
18:57So, all that is society.
18:58All that is society.
18:59But this is what you have chosen to engage with.
19:05So, the society is nothing objective.
19:10The society is subjective.
19:13You determine your society.
19:16You must be having a smartphone.
19:18How many persons approximately are there in your contact list?
19:23How many?
19:2550, 60?
19:27At max, somebody would have 500?
19:28At max, what's the population of the world?
19:34Crossed 8 billion?
19:36How many societies are possible?
19:40And why must you abdicate your power to choose?
19:46Why must these 50 people in your contact list constitute your society?
19:52Isn't that what we call as a society?
19:53No?
19:54When you say society, do you mean everybody?
19:58So, since the invention of social media, we don't have just central peer pressure.
20:05It's kind of peer pressure from all over.
20:07Not all over.
20:08Still not all over.
20:09Still not all over.
20:11YouTube, Facebook, etc.
20:13Out of the population, 8 billion of this planet, 3 billion, 5 billion app downloads.
20:20How many societies are possible even in social media?
20:24How many people follow you on social media versus, or let's say on Instagram, versus the number of those who have downloaded Instagram?
20:34So, there is a great choice available.
20:37Why don't you exercise the choice?
20:39Why must you say, I must be good in the eyes of these 778 followers that I have on Instagram?
20:47If those followers are rotten, close this account and create another one.
20:51Get a new society for yourself, just as you get a new dress for yourself.
20:57You have all the choice.
20:59Why must you remain limited to the few people you know of?
21:03Why?
21:04She was talking of migrating.
21:06That's an entirely new society.
21:09And that's a wonderful thing.
21:11I have one life, one precious life.
21:13Why must I have allowed it to be held captive by circumstances?
21:21Just because I was born at a particular place, in a particular city, in South India, North India, in a particular gender, in a particular way, in a particular language.
21:31Therefore, by compulsion, these 60 people will be my society.
21:37If there is some merit in those 60 people, or 6 out of those 60 people, retain them.
21:43Only the meritorious ones must be retained.
21:46There must be no pressure, no obligation.
21:50Why must there be pressure?
21:51Create your own society.
21:53You have all the freedom and just one life.
22:03Hello, I am Dr. Rashmi.
22:05I am a pediatric dentist.
22:07And I am working in Chandigarh presently.
22:09And I have been listening to Acharya Ji since more than two years on YouTube.
22:15And I have joined the live sessions since one year, eight months.
22:21The major area that Acharya Ji's teachings have helped me is with my anger issues.
22:26I had a lot of anger issues, which actually had a lot of, which made a lot of problems in my personal life.
22:36But with the help of Acharya Ji's teachings, I could actually understand where my anger is coming from.
22:44What are my insecurities?
22:46And through that, I was able to handle it well.
22:50And after I joined Gita sessions, live Gita sessions, there were a lot of changes in my behavior.
22:59And looking at that, my husband also joined immediately after one month.
23:06And after we both joined, we understood that there's a new, what do you say, beauty in our relationship that has come,
23:14which was never experienced before, even though we had a love marriage.
23:17But so for this, I can never, the words would always fall short to thank Acharya Ji for.
23:27And that's it.
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