- 7 weeks ago
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00:00It's too heavy. How? What? I don't even know how to phrase this question. All I know is children do not come with manuals without instructions.
00:12Of course it's a matter of guilt. But let that guilt be real and deep and transformational. When guilt is real, it becomes an agent of change.
00:23When guilt is superficial, it becomes an agent of defense. What we commonly do to our kids is the complete story of our life. We are continuously doing that. That is not possible.
00:36It takes a lot of courage to accept that we have not been fair to our kids. If the guilt is complete, it will show you the completeness of your unconsciousness.
00:46These are opportunities of redemption, repair, everything.
00:50Honestly, cognition.
00:52Yes, yes. That's the only thing that's needed. Acknowledgement. Acknowledgement. Acknowledgement. And a complete acknowledgement, not a partial one.
01:00So when that complete guilt is there, then it becomes a factor for transformation of complete life. Every single relationship. Not just our relationship with the kids.
01:10Namaste, Aacharya Ji. Namaste, everyone. Thank you.
01:16Sometimes couples who are also parents exhibit their disagreements or arguments in the presence of their children, which may cause mental health issues unbeknownst to them, the parents.
01:34And later on, when they do become aware, they feel guilty.
01:40And this guilt gets harbored in them as long as a lifetime or beyond. I'm not aware.
01:48It's too heavy.
01:51How? What? I don't even know how to phrase this question.
01:55All I know is, children do not come with manuals, without instructions.
02:05How? Thank you.
02:11Let that guilt remain.
02:13Because we, indeed, are guilty to bring a life to the world, often in the most unconscious way possible.
02:29And then your impact, your impression, just distorts things even further for the girl or the boy.
02:40Of course, it's a matter of guilt.
02:45But let that guilt be real and deep and transformational.
02:54When guilt is real, it becomes an agent of change.
02:59When guilt is superficial, it becomes an agent of defense.
03:03You say, you know, I did that in ignorance, I didn't know much, so how can I be blamed?
03:10Not that kind of guilt.
03:12Or, I'm a good person, but I indeed did do bad things.
03:17But that was just a coincidence, a random slip, something unintentional.
03:23Not that kind of guilt.
03:24Let the guilt be complete.
03:30Complete because what we did or what we commonly do to our kids is the complete story of our life.
03:38We are continuously doing that.
03:40It's not just the kids who are at the receiving end of our violent ignorance.
03:45Aren't we equally violent towards everything and everybody?
03:50Just that in the case of kids, it shows up in the most conspicuous and brutal way possible.
03:55Otherwise, our unconsciousness, by definition, is violent.
04:00So, when that complete guilt is there, then it becomes a factor for transformation of complete life.
04:10Every single relationship.
04:12Not just our relationship with the kids.
04:15I mean, yes, yes, of course.
04:18Kids are very vulnerable, more vulnerable.
04:21And what we do to them is very reprehensible because they are also hopelessly dependent on us.
04:26And in some way, we betray their trust.
04:28Yes, of course.
04:28But the same unconsciousness, does it also not find expression in our relationship with our friends?
04:36With our pets?
04:38With our spouses?
04:39With the planet in general?
04:42Or are we selectively unconscious?
04:44No, we are unconscious towards everything.
04:48Towards everything.
04:49But when it comes to kids, oh, they are so little, so feeble.
04:54And also so cute.
04:55That you feel very upset at having done to them a few bad things.
05:04If only you discover that you have indeed done a few bad things.
05:07A lot of parents never discover that.
05:09Even if they do discover that, they never accept that.
05:12They never accept that.
05:13It takes a lot of courage to accept that we have not been fair to our kids.
05:17But the thing is, you cannot be fair because you are unconscious.
05:22And that's the way of our life.
05:23How do you be fair?
05:26Is justice or fairness or love possible from an unconscious state?
05:34No.
05:37Before the kids came, there was the moment of impregnation.
05:46Was that a conscious moment?
05:50Before the mating, there was the moment of wedding.
05:57Was that a conscious decision?
06:00Before the wedding, maybe there was a period of courtship.
06:04Was that conscious courtship?
06:06It's a series of unconscious acts.
06:13And it doesn't stop with the kids.
06:17It continues all our life.
06:20If the guilt is complete, it will show you the completeness of your unconsciousness.
06:26If the guilt is not complete, maybe it will make you spiritual.
06:32And you will go to some place of worship or some Babaji or follow some method and say,
06:38you know, now I am a decent woman.
06:41Remaining who you are, you will pretend you are a decent woman now.
06:45While you are much the same as what you have been all your life.
06:50Let the guilt totally incinerate you from within.
06:56If the guilt is actual, it will not allow you to remain the person you have been.
07:02Then it's not just a relationship with your kids that would change.
07:06It's a relationship with yourself and the entire world.
07:12That's the kind of guilt we need.
07:14Not selective guilt.
07:15Not superficial guilt.
07:20You know, I am otherwise a great father.
07:23A great human being.
07:24I am a great boss.
07:27Or I am a great employee.
07:29I am also a very religious person, you know.
07:33Just that I have not been kind or fair or responsible towards my daughter.
07:41Sir, that is not possible.
07:42Not possible to be religious and not be fair and yet be fair to your daughter.
07:50But you are saying, no, everything else is alright.
07:53Only in this particular segment of life have I gone wrong.
07:57Not possible.
07:59Not possible.
08:00And what else can be a mark of your irreligiosity than your deformed relationship with your kids.
08:13Tell me, please.
08:14We say, you know, we are religious people.
08:19We value sacredness.
08:23We believe in God.
08:30And then look at the world and see how it traumatizes its kids.
08:34What kind of religiousness is this?
08:36How can you be religious if that does not show up in your relationships and your decisions?
08:45Religion is the very art and science of consciousness.
08:48Is it not?
08:49Is it not?
08:49If your decisions, your acts are not coming from your consciousness, how do you claim to be religious?
08:56Yes, sir, we hide behind those words.
09:01We hide behind words.
09:02Yes, that's true.
09:04Sorry, sir.
09:04My name is Alikaf.
09:05Yes, yes, yes.
09:06Okay.
09:07Good afternoon to everybody.
09:09I just say we hide behind those words and we just justify ourselves that what we have done is right.
09:14And we always say lie to it.
09:16And we say that lie is truth.
09:19Hundred times to our mind.
09:20And say, no, this is the truth.
09:22Actually, we don't want to accept the truth.
09:24And we just hide behind that, sir.
09:26Wish you stay here.
09:31You stay here.
09:33Don't let this go.
09:35Don't let this go.
09:42I'm a decent person.
09:44In fact, my guilt comes from my assertion that I'm otherwise a decent person.
09:50I went wrong only in this one particular case.
09:53No, sir.
09:55Your very center is misplaced.
09:56There was this Hindi movie there.
10:03Galti se mishtek ho gaya.
10:04Yes, sir.
10:05No, no.
10:06Not galti se mishtek ho gaya.
10:09That's your very center.
10:10It's not accidental.
10:11It's not random.
10:13It's not an one-off slip.
10:18That's the whole story of your life.
10:20That's why I'm emphasizing on the word complete.
10:22Complete.
10:26And when you see that, a new story unfolds.
10:32Now it's not just a relationship with your kids that is renewed.
10:37Now it's your relationship with yourself that's different.
10:40Very different.
10:41Not just different.
10:42Separate plane altogether.
10:43Sometimes, I observe, probably, it comes as an opportunity when we make seriously big mistakes.
11:09Mistakes.
11:10Mistakes.
11:12Mistake.
11:14Because the smaller ones, we are adept at concealing the smaller mistakes.
11:20No?
11:21Nothing happened.
11:22No, I was alright.
11:23Not my fault.
11:25What can I do?
11:26I'm under so much of pressure.
11:27Not my fault.
11:28We are very skilled at concealing the little mistakes.
11:34It's probably a blessing when we commit blunders.
11:39Blunders that can no longer be hidden or justified or rationalized.
11:44We need to commit blunders.
11:47Only then, we'll be forced to admit to ourselves that we are operating from a wrong center.
11:58Blunders.
11:59That's why, in the history of spirituality, there have been turning points when man has killed
12:09his saints, his teachers, his prophets.
12:18Because you are anyway always hurting.
12:23Your sages, your saints, your thinkers, your philosophers, you're always hurting them.
12:29But that can be kind of swept under the carpet.
12:36No, no, no.
12:37It was a little bit of hurt.
12:38Not much.
12:39Nothing more.
12:40But when you actively kill a Socrates, that's when you cannot escape the situation.
12:48That's when you are forced to confront your brutality.
12:53So that's a great opportunity.
12:54There could have been no Christianity without the crucifixion.
13:05So blunders and gross exhibitions of evil are in some sense a good opportunity.
13:16In fact, probably there could have been no Plato had Socrates not been poisoned.
13:24Are you kidding it?
13:30Yes, yes.
13:31Thank you, sir.
13:32So these opportunities are opportunities of redemption, repair?
13:38Everything.
13:39Everything.
13:39Once the cognition has been repaired.
13:41Yes, yes.
13:42That's the only thing that's needed.
13:44Acknowledgement.
13:45Acknowledgement.
13:46Acknowledgement.
13:47And a complete acknowledgement.
13:49Not a partial one.
13:50You cannot say, you know, only on that day.
13:53Only in that event, only with that person did I go wrong.
13:58You have to see that you are operating from fundamentally the wrong point all your life.
14:06Therefore, you need colossal blunders.
14:09Colossal blunders.
14:11And then those colossal blunders are difficult to hide.
14:15Now it's the dinosaur in the room.
14:17You cannot hide it, nor can you avoid looking at it.
14:23Now it becomes unavoidable.
14:26Now you have to admit that you are indeed fundamentally in the wrong.
14:31So when such a thing happens, when our acts of ignorance harm a loved one, especially a little kid.
14:43So we cannot, you know, go back to the past and undo it there.
14:48But there is something within us that can be undone right now.
14:53That's the opportunity.
14:55Can we undo that within us right now?
14:58And then, you know, then unscripted things happen.
15:03So please elaborate.
15:05When the guilt incinerates you, please elaborate on that.
15:09Which means you are no more the same person who would get into things she needs to be further guilty of.
15:19Yes.
15:23There is somebody sitting within me.
15:24I identify with that one, right?
15:26I have given that one my own name.
15:30What's your name please, if you may?
15:32Karishma.
15:32Karishma.
15:33So there is somebody within and I call that person, that thing, that being as Karishma.
15:38Karishma, right?
15:40Now that's the criminal.
15:43That's the guilty one.
15:44And criminal in the sense of being unconscious.
15:48That's the only crime.
15:49That's the mother of all crimes.
15:50If you are unconscious, anything and everything that you do will be a crime.
15:56Crime is not an isolated event or activity or happening.
16:00Crime is who we are.
16:02The one sitting within that I call as Karishma is the criminal because she is unconscious.
16:07Classically, that's called the Ahankar, the ego.
16:11That's the first criminal.
16:13That's the first criminal because it has stolen something.
16:16It has stolen your name.
16:18That's not who you are.
16:20But that one has taken your name.
16:21It calls itself the Atma.
16:23I am the truth.
16:25It calls itself Karishma.
16:26It's not Karishma.
16:27You are somebody else.
16:29That's what entire Vedanta is about.
16:30Your real identity.
16:32You are not the one sitting within.
16:33You are not the criminal, obviously.
16:35The sages say you are the sons and daughters of immortality itself.
16:41How can you be a criminal?
16:42No possibility.
16:43But the criminal within us has stolen our identity.
16:47Stolen our identity.
16:48Now this criminal, whatever it does will be a crime.
16:51The criminal, whatever it does will be a crime.
16:54So what is meant by incineration?
16:56Get rid not of the crime but of the criminal itself.
17:01Otherwise, you will be fighting crimes in isolation.
17:05You know, here I went wrong with this person.
17:07Let me repair the damage.
17:09In this particular transaction, I did something unjustified.
17:12Let me apologize.
17:14Here in this matter, I am again erring.
17:16Let me correct.
17:18This kind of isolated, fragmented approach will not work because the criminal will stay safe.
17:23So incineration means I am not fighting the crimes anymore.
17:27I am destroying the criminal itself.
17:32That's incineration.
17:33Yeah.
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