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- #realityrealmus
#RealityRealmUS
Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Shouldn't give PJ screen time?
00:02Yeah, not until he's at least 18 months.
00:05Well, guess what? He's now 18 months!
00:07Where are you going with this?
00:08Right here!
00:09You set PJ down, and then you turn on all the screens,
00:13and PJ becomes so entertained,
00:15leaving us to do whatever we want.
00:18What could possibly go wrong?
00:20That's way too many speakers.
00:23That's way too many screens.
00:25And he's way too close.
00:26You just press the button, and...
00:30It's a work in progress.
00:38Yes, I can love you, baby, all night long.
00:47I'm not going to lie.
00:54I'm feeling a little bitchy today.
00:56Everybody's getting on my nerves for no damn reason.
01:00See what I mean? Someone's calling.
01:02The hell do you want?
01:04Quit your bitchin' and start me gwenchin'.
01:07Ah, shut up, Rita.
01:09I'll remember that.
01:11Yeah, yeah, you remember everything.
01:13Guess what?
01:14Instead of a song, here's some audio for when the treaties were signed.
01:17Does Soto hereby surrender all rights to the land to Her Majesty the Queen and her successors?
01:26Play with him better, Stephen Harper.
01:28Use better sound effects.
01:30Sorry, Paul.
01:32I barely slept last night.
01:34PJ kept me up all night.
01:35Look, PJ, a real truck, and not some cheap knockoff like Stephen Harper's.
01:42I can't believe my fucking eyes.
01:49I love trucks more than you.
01:50I fucking love trucks.
01:52What are you three pervs looking at?
01:54PJ!
01:55Stop steering so hard.
01:57Oh, he sure loves trucks.
02:01I wish PJ would look at me the same way he looks at those water trucks.
02:05If I drove one of those, I'd be so cool.
02:08I think they're hiring.
02:10Imagine me, the water keeper.
02:19Did you guys see what I was thinking about?
02:21Do you mean, did we see your imagination?
02:26I look so cool.
02:31Chickity?
02:34Poof, I stinks like corn chips and old man in here.
02:38Whatever.
02:40Well, hey, is fucking missing her or what?
02:43Oh, sorry.
02:46You okay?
02:47Yeah, I'm fine.
02:50You're fine?
02:51Is that why you're playing Legends of Mokkibi?
02:56Echoes of Sadness?
02:58She said I was immature.
02:59That I'm wasting my life and not doing anything with my talent.
03:03Can you believe that?
03:04Me?
03:05Wasting my life?
03:07Bonus points for ugly crying.
03:10You know what?
03:10Why don't you come to work with me?
03:12Get your mind off her.
03:13Nah, I'm good.
03:14Come on.
03:15Remember your mom used to take you to work with her?
03:17And he'd spin on that wobbly old office chair and prank call lips?
03:20That was a pretty deadly chair.
03:22Still there.
03:23Still wobbly.
03:25You in?
03:26Okay, fine.
03:27But I'm only going for the chair.
03:29Fuck!
03:30My character just cheered up and took a shower.
03:32And you know what else I heard?
03:37No.
03:37What?
03:37What?
03:38Norma's niece and Eldon's cousin were in Thelma's truck and they were just going at it.
03:45What?
03:46Those two?
03:47And that's not the worst of it.
03:50Get this.
03:51So apparently...
03:54PJ's up for Miss Knapp?
03:55Vika!
03:56There's more.
03:57It's just getting good.
03:59Mmm.
04:02Oh, Kesa.
04:03How many she see?
04:05Hey, so sleepy.
04:08I could have let him sleep longer, but I needed to see him.
04:13As I was saying, she's shacked up with Jessie, who's Eldon's uncle.
04:20No, wait.
04:22Oh, now I'm all messed up.
04:25Still smells like a new baby.
04:27Paul still smells like that, too.
04:30Paul, remember that.
04:31So precious.
04:33I could cry.
04:35Really applying for the job, eh?
04:38Paul.
04:38The working man.
04:40Shut up, Stephen Harper.
04:41Can't you see I'm busy working on my resume?
04:44You know, a guy who never wants to drink water wants to be water guy.
04:47That's the worst part about juice.
04:49I've got a lot of pictures here.
04:50What's this?
04:51Well, that's a stick man with big muscles, which shows that I have lots of strength.
04:56Where's your work experience?
04:57Didn't need it.
04:57I thought that it killed the vibe, man.
04:59No practical skill set?
05:01Well, you see this?
05:01Here's a picture, and it shows smoke coming out of my brain, which shows that I'm really smart.
05:07Could use some actual words.
05:08Well, if you're so smart, you do it, then.
05:12How about instead of the smoking brain, we say that you utilize a set of complex analytical tasks to solve a lot of problems?
05:20Ah, so you're going to drop me as a stick figure in a truck, jumping over a mountain.
05:24Nice.
05:26Let's put on a pot of Pepsi.
05:27We're going to be here a while.
05:33Yes, I win again.
05:35All right, let's get to business.
05:38Hilda, can you read the agenda?
05:40Yeah, no problem.
05:42Just keep six.
05:44Okay.
05:47We would like to commission a painting so that when people walk into the band office, first thing they see is some beautiful art.
05:56Yes.
05:57The band office needs an album cover.
06:00Something that captures the spirit of our community.
06:02I think Chickadee should do it.
06:05Oh, one sec, one sec.
06:06Everything's spinning.
06:07You have to admit, her painting of lips was really something.
06:11Does it have to hang here?
06:13I think Chickadee would be perfect for this.
06:15Right, Chickadee?
06:16Uh, no.
06:17I'm not doing it.
06:18Got big, big stuff in the works.
06:20Let me work on her.
06:28Well, I'll give it to you.
06:30These drawings are impressive.
06:31Is that you showing strength?
06:33Yep.
06:34And initiative, too.
06:37And the smoking brain.
06:39Very good.
06:40You can sit.
06:40Since you're so smart, tell me what it is we do here at the water department.
06:49Well, uh, you drive around in your water trucks, delivering water to people's tanks with your hoses, and you fill them up, and then you do it again, over and over and over again, going house to house to house.
07:06Is that what you think?
07:14Yeah.
07:15Right, you pass the interview.
07:16You get through training, the job's yours.
07:19God!
07:23Hey, oh, he's got such a cute little nose.
07:27Uh-huh.
07:29Don't mind me and my nauseous.
07:31Oh, he's such cute little cheeks, and so much hair.
07:36A full head of hair.
07:38My daughter needed me to watch him at the last minute.
07:42Well, PJ has long hair, too.
07:45Agnes, keep it down.
07:48We're trying to admire Rita's nauseous.
07:51He's got way more hair than PJ.
07:54If it's a baby war you want, it's a baby war you'll get.
08:06I thought you had big stuff to do.
08:12I do.
08:14I made my own gaming gloves.
08:16Now I can game and eat chips at the same time without the grease causing the controller to fly out my hands.
08:22I'm like an inventor.
08:27You know, if you did that commissioned painting, you could make some cash and maybe stretch those talent muscles.
08:36Mm-hmm.
08:37You're not going to do it, are you?
08:38No.
08:38Okay, then.
08:40I guess Serena was right about you and all that wasted talent.
08:46But, hey, whatever.
08:49I'll just get lips to do it.
08:51He's really good at shading.
08:54Are you trying to reverse psychology me?
08:58Because it worked.
08:59Now I'm going to do it.
09:00Uh, okay.
09:02Great.
09:03Fuck, I hate lips.
09:04I need to make some adjustments.
09:11Yo, Trudy!
09:14It's the Trudes, Judge Trudy.
09:20Anyway, I went ahead and I printed out tomorrow's work schedule.
09:27Oh, that's great.
09:30Oh.
09:31Oh.
09:32Looks like you dropped it.
09:33That's okay.
09:34I printed out a second one.
09:41But without that, we won't know which house to deliver to first.
09:45Yo, Trudy!
09:47Trude!
09:47Judge Trudy!
09:49Hey, Bruce!
09:51Check it.
09:53This is a limited edition garlic coil.
09:56This has twice the sodium amount as any other coil.
09:59I heard this stuff is illegal in several provinces.
10:03Yeah, that's good.
10:08I should say you'll get your water first.
10:13Yeah.
10:14But what about the schedule?
10:18But what about the schedule?
10:19You see...
10:20Because of theodu...
10:20Then...
10:21Just...
10:21See what happens.
10:24Do it?
10:25Well...
10:26It wait.
10:27What about your blessings?
10:29Do it?
10:30I see why we're like-
10:31I see it.
10:31All right, let's go fill up some more tanks.
10:35Not so fast.
10:37I heard you don't drink water.
10:39No, lies.
10:40I can tell.
10:41Your dry skin, your sunken eyes, and your dusty-ass lips.
10:47Plus, you didn't flush the break room toilet.
10:49Your piss was brown.
10:50No way.
10:51That was because of the iced tea, I promise.
10:53You want to ride with me?
10:55You're going to have to get wet.
10:57Yeah.
10:58Come on, you're not supposed to get high on your own supply.
11:03You want to be a good water truck driver?
11:05You have to drink and love water.
11:08Take a sip.
11:11No.
11:13You're supposed to drink eight a day.
11:15Take a sip.
11:19All right.
11:21I'll take a sip.
11:28Hey, man.
11:41What was in that?
11:43It's H2O, bro.
11:44I'm talking sky juice.
11:47I feel weird.
11:49It's the hydration kicking.
11:50I feel all fuzz.
11:57I need a...
11:58I need a Pepsi.
12:01Not cool.
12:05It should be really cool.
12:07Like something you'd see airbrushed on the side of an old shag van.
12:11What if the painting was romantic?
12:14Like lots of nature and romance.
12:16I think it should be badass.
12:19Dudes and hot steel.
12:21Something off the cover of a romance novel.
12:24But like really romantic.
12:25A real piece of art that says, hey, don't fuck with me.
12:28Well, keep my jeet out of this.
12:29Shut up, cheeks.
12:30Make it cool.
12:31But also romantic.
12:32With a bad attitude.
12:33And no jeets.
12:34Shut up, cheeks.
12:35Got this chickadee?
12:36Uh, yeah.
12:37Yeah.
12:41Oh, hi, Rita.
12:44PJ just had his checkup.
12:46Nurse says that he's as healthy as a horse.
12:50Healthier, actually.
12:51Mine, too.
12:52He's so healthy, he's gonna break Logan's stethoscopes.
12:56Guess what?
12:58PJ had a hair growth spurt last night.
13:01What?
13:01There's no such thing as a hair growth spurt.
13:05I knew it.
13:06Kita senima, PJ.
13:07I don't know what you're talking about.
13:10We're here because he's so healthy, they're studying him to help other babies.
13:17Hey, what's all this kerfuffle?
13:20It's pediatric Wednesdays.
13:21Come on, happy voices only.
13:23Agnes, put a wig on her.
13:25No, yes.
13:26Nurse, tell her that's dangerous.
13:28No, I never did.
13:30Hooray, let's just calm down.
13:32Hey, here.
13:34Got some cook'em candies.
13:36Old people, mints.
13:38Nina, get this.
13:41Fine.
13:53All right, big fella.
13:54It's training day.
13:56Listen with your mouth and shut up with your ears.
13:58How do I shut up with my ears?
14:00Okay, here she comes.
14:05You got the stuff?
14:06Yeah, I got the stuff.
14:08It's fresh, just like you asked for.
14:11I'm gonna go fill up the tank.
14:12I said, listen with your mouth.
14:15You say it's fresh, eh?
14:21Looks like we just ran out of water.
14:22Tastes fine to me.
14:23Wait, what?
14:26We had a deal.
14:27Tell that to your crappy bannock.
14:29I'm sorry, people.
14:30Your bannock wasn't that bad.
14:32The fuck did you get peanut butter?
14:37Okay, here it is.
14:45This part rules.
14:47These other parts, meh.
14:49So you just like your part?
14:51I guess so.
14:54I see what Dee Dee's saying.
14:56This part here, I really like.
14:58As for the rest, what's going on?
15:01So you only like your part?
15:03Oh, look at that.
15:04I guess so.
15:05These two parts are ruining this part.
15:09This part is great.
15:10So you only like your part?
15:12Huh, look at that.
15:13I guess so.
15:14Well, I kind of like how my jeet was left off all three parts.
15:17Shut your lips, cheeks.
15:18Politics aside, my part is the best.
15:23You would say that.
15:24My part is the best.
15:25My part is the best.
15:26Okay, enough.
15:27I tried to make you all happy.
15:29I really did.
15:30I took all your ideas, your scattered, mismatched ideas, and put them together.
15:34But none of this works.
15:36It's a mess.
15:37What if it's just my part?
15:38No.
15:38I'm going to do it my way.
15:40Got it?
15:41Got it.
15:42Got it.
15:42Wow.
15:44You just pulled a joe.
15:46Fucking right.
15:49You want a little toy car, PJ?
15:52Okay, go.
15:54Get that, I am.
15:56I say to Agnes, my grandkid wants a car too.
16:00Well, I hope that he enjoys it.
16:03PJ's getting a boat too.
16:04Well, enjoy that boat.
16:06My grandkid's getting a plane.
16:09PJ's getting one too.
16:10Oh, the very expensive one.
16:13Oh, yeah?
16:15Well, then you're not going to have any money left over for a kayak.
16:21Hey, Jean, I want that one.
16:23All right.
16:25I want one too.
16:27Oh, two kayaks?
16:29You know what?
16:30I'll take two.
16:32Three kayaks?
16:33Well, I have so many grandkids.
16:35Not just this one.
16:37Actual babies.
16:38Not old ones like chickadee.
16:42She's still a baby Enns to me.
16:44And you are too?
16:45You're calling me a baby Enns?
16:47Baby.
16:48Whoa.
16:50Am I smelling four kayaks?
16:55Shit's about to go down.
16:57What do you mean?
16:58Is she being pulled over there pumping iron with two kids on her foot lawn for some reason?
17:04Yeah.
17:04Check out her shitpost.
17:07Trudy skipped to my house again because my bannock wasn't good enough.
17:11Well, fuck that.
17:13I'm storing my water in rain barrels.
17:15Who needs them?
17:17Mwah.
17:17I'm going to go tip over her rain barrels.
17:20Wait here.
17:21Wait.
17:22What?
17:23I'm not ready to drive the truck.
17:24Are you a wolf or are you a sheep?
17:28It's time to learn.
17:29This just in.
17:46The walk for awareness has stalled in front of Edith's house.
17:50They stopped to get a drink of water from the hose, but nothing's coming out.
17:55But without awareness, how will we know about the issues?
17:59And this just in.
18:01There's a new walk starting, bringing awareness to the plate faced by the walkers for awareness.
18:06And now they're thirsty.
18:08Where are those water keepers when you need them?
18:11He's right here.
18:16Get her.
18:19Get back here.
18:21Thank you, water man.
18:26Now we can continue to bring awareness to the issues.
18:29I'm no water man.
18:31In fact, after today, I don't even know if I have a job.
18:33You fuckers.
18:35You think he's the water keeper?
18:37Well, he ain't.
18:38Holy.
18:40Okay.
18:41I'm putting water cases on all you bitches.
18:43We want Paul to be water keeper.
18:46You think you can do this shit?
18:48You think you can do this to me?
18:50You'll be drinking ditch water from Duck Bay by the time I get finished with you.
18:54Stop it, it ain't got shit on me.
18:56We want Paul.
18:58Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul.
19:05I don't need this job anyways.
19:08I guess I got the job.
19:11I've never worn diapers in my life.
19:14Ho, ho, ho.
19:15That's not what I heard.
19:17Whoa, whoa.
19:17Enough of this.
19:18Nobody wants to hear two kookums fighting.
19:22Agnes, you take Rita's baby.
19:27Rita, you take Agnes' baby.
19:31Now look at those kids.
19:34Look at those cute little faces.
19:35Aw, he's so precious.
19:39He's so cute and mullety.
19:42Good.
19:43Now I want you to raise each grandchild like it was your own for the rest of your life.
19:48Smart knob.
19:50I ain't doing that.
19:51Yeah, smart knob.
19:53But I have to say that seeing them together makes me see that when it comes to being a kookum, there's no room for pettiness.
20:02I feel the same way, too.
20:05I'm sorry.
20:07I'm sorry, too.
20:08Yeah, man.
20:09Let's go to the park.
20:11Okay, so I guess you'll be taking all four kayaks or what?
20:14You really nailed it.
20:22Whoa.
20:25Told you to trust me.
20:28What's wrong, cheeks?
20:30Is that my head on a pig's body?
20:35Oink, oink, lips.
20:38You did a great job, kid.
20:40Can you at least put pants on the pig?
20:43He'll be here any minute.
20:48My baby boy is a working man.
20:51Here he comes.
20:54Did someone say they wanted water?
20:57Give us the horn.
20:59Are you sure?
21:01Yes.
21:02Okay.
21:13Anyone looking for a flying baby?
21:17Oh, baby.
21:21Oh, baby.
21:22Oh, such a baby.
21:24I don't need to own a mansion on an acreage.
21:33I don't need the green grass tiller in my yard.
21:43If there's one thing in this life I could ask for.
21:52Not a virgin.
21:53I don't need to own a walnuts.
21:53I just want to talk about it.
21:57I enjoy keeping you alive.
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