- 22 hours ago
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00:00This is you, full bed and board, as promised.
00:20Oh, don't worry about that, I'll get you a fresh one.
00:25You all right there, Ted?
00:27You take as long as you need.
00:30A couple of hours, at least.
00:33Where is she?
00:35Anne.
00:36Anya.
00:37Anya, sorry.
00:39She's gone to the mortuary, hasn't she?
00:41While we sort out the formalities.
00:43The funeral?
00:45Yeah, that.
00:47You're going to do it properly and treat it with respect?
00:52Of course.
00:53Don't you worry about that, Ted.
00:55Leave it with me.
00:56And I'll see if I can contact the family.
01:00See if they want to send flowers or...
01:02No, they'll have a wreath from me.
01:07You can take out my wages.
01:11Of course, mate.
01:14You finished the jam, Ken?
01:15I just really like jam, innit?
01:17Yeah, I realise.
01:19So don't put the empty jam jar in the cupboard.
01:22Remember there's a system, yeah?
01:23Yeah, I'll write it on the pan.
01:25Right in the fridge.
01:25Exactly.
01:34It's off coming.
01:36Got your coffee and, er...
01:37This.
01:39Are healthy.
01:41So?
01:42So, I know I gave you a hard time about the whole money thing.
01:47But now that you're flush again, you're going to treat yourself, right?
01:51What?
01:53Keep enough money back for you.
01:54You might need specialist care.
01:56I just...
01:57I want you to have the best of the best.
02:00Which is why you should probably tell me your secret location.
02:03You know, cover all bases.
02:05I don't care about the money.
02:07Okay.
02:09Sorry, I'm just...
02:11I'm distressed.
02:13About the robbery?
02:14No.
02:15No.
02:15It's all.
02:16Okay.
02:17That's just...
02:18My head.
02:20Going west.
02:23Having thoughts.
02:25Thoughts?
02:25Well, I'm sorry.
02:26I can't do this now.
02:27I've got to split.
02:28Yeah, well, okay.
02:29Go back to yours.
02:30No, I'm going to go into town.
02:31Play the slots.
02:33Oh, cool.
02:33I just...
02:36I hate being lied to.
02:40Sorry?
02:41Meet me at pool.
02:42Slug off United.
02:43Punch me in the face as hard as you can.
02:44Just...
02:46Don't lie, swear.
02:55Hey!
02:56Ah!
02:57Slow morning on the combines?
02:59Well, I don't actually drive them myself.
03:01I'd like to imagine it, though.
03:03It amuses me.
03:04I was in the middle of a very boring meeting,
03:06and I thought,
03:06I need some Laurel in my life.
03:07Ah, is that Laurel who makes excellent coffee,
03:10or is that Laurel who has a daughter crawling with knits?
03:13Oh, by the way,
03:14she's fine this morning, infestation-free.
03:16You know who to call her, right?
03:19Yeah, I know who to call her.
03:21Anyway, that rather excellent coffee?
03:23Yeah.
03:24And I have a squash brownie
03:25that I won't be able to sell.
03:26My treat.
03:27Oh, you swore on me.
03:32Moira, it's me.
03:33Oh, come in.
03:34Stick the kettle on.
03:36I'm just having a bit of a clear out.
03:38Ah.
03:40Charity shop,
03:41bin or keep.
03:43Are you planning a Kayleigh
03:45or a Braveheart tribute?
03:47Charity shop it is, then.
03:48I, er...
03:50I had a visitor.
03:54Kim Tate.
03:55Oh, really?
03:56Mm-hmm.
03:57She rocked up unannounced
03:58to do a property inspection.
04:01The cheek of the woman.
04:03I sent her on her way.
04:05Oh.
04:05I'd have loved to have seen that.
04:07Ah.
04:08Latest contract.
04:10It'll take more than Kim Tate to see us off.
04:12We make a great team.
04:18Where were you this morning?
04:27Leaving.
04:28It's Dad.
04:30I'll be there next shift.
04:34Well, tell him.
04:36Eh?
04:38Your little girlfriend.
04:41She's in there.
04:43She's in the feast, yes.
04:44Postman just dumped her.
04:46You said you were in mortuary.
04:51There were gonna be a funeral, eh?
04:54I promised.
05:07Ray!
05:10Ray!
05:12It'll just be the washer, Sam.
05:14There's nothing to do with a tap.
05:15We've got it.
05:17Leaking you, Ben.
05:18Right, why don't we be really radical
05:20and call a plumber?
05:21I'd pay him with what?
05:22Some sleet and some massed yeast?
05:24We're broke.
05:28It'll be the washer again.
05:30It's not the flaming washer.
05:32Get yourself out of there.
05:33Let me clear you some space.
05:34Oh, give over.
05:35I'm doing it.
05:36There's mouse killer and all sorts in there.
05:37Well, I'm not a mouse,
05:38so I guess I'll be all right.
05:39Let me.
05:40Go on.
05:40All right, budge over.
05:42Breathe in.
05:42What's that?
05:48Nothing.
05:50My dear.
05:51We're gonna find out anyway.
05:52I'm telling you,
06:04he's definitely on to us.
06:05He was proper intense.
06:06Did he actually accuse you?
06:08No.
06:08Not as soon as you're just being paranoid.
06:10The guy's got a sword.
06:11If he suspected anything,
06:12you'd know about it.
06:13So what did he mean, then?
06:14I don't know.
06:14He's unhinged.
06:15He was supposed to be a lockout.
06:24Remember the computer.
06:25I might help.
06:36It was close.
06:41Kev's room's clear,
06:42and all these are full of Bibles
06:43and old lady gobbins.
06:46Then we need to widen the radius
06:47and start thinking clever.
06:49Or you just let me drag it out of him.
06:51It was a joke.
06:53But if we do actually want to be together,
06:56we need to find that bag
06:57and stick to the plan.
07:02Hey, Ted!
07:04Mum not give you enough work to do.
07:06What's that then?
07:08Our news.
07:09It's our news.
07:10I took it from the body.
07:11Ah, Ted.
07:12Listen.
07:12Now, you said you promised.
07:14Let me explain.
07:15I found her in the shed,
07:17thrown against the wall.
07:18Now, you said that you were going to sort it,
07:20that she was going to have a proper funeral.
07:21Yes, I did.
07:23And...
07:23Yeah, but you just treated her like rubbish.
07:26You lied to me.
07:27Easy, fella.
07:28Don't take that tone.
07:29I know she meant note to you,
07:31but she was just a young girl
07:32and this was her daughter's
07:34and all she wanted was to get home to her.
07:36But you,
07:37you, you treated her like an animal.
07:38That is enough.
07:39Ah, worse than an animal.
07:42You wouldn't do to a dog what you did to her!
07:45It's not stolen,
07:46in case you were thinking.
07:48Oh, hasn't?
07:49I've been collecting.
07:51Saving.
07:52Spare bits of change.
07:54Emptying pockets before the wash.
07:55It's amazing.
07:56If you keep it long enough,
07:57it all mounts up.
07:58Saving for what?
07:59I mean, if it's something we need.
08:00Yeah, we could have all chipped in.
08:02I was worried you'd think
08:03it'd be a waste of money.
08:04What was?
08:06Well, come on.
08:07A cruise to the Caribbean?
08:09A robot hoover?
08:10Just tell us.
08:12There's this special concert in Leeds.
08:15Jason Donovan's playing.
08:16Aw, teenage heartthrob.
08:18I wanted to get us VIP tickets
08:20as a surprise.
08:21Meet and greet,
08:22goodie bag,
08:23complimentary champagne.
08:24Well, you still can.
08:25I can't.
08:27Tickets went on sale this morning.
08:29I didn't manage to scrape
08:30enough together in time.
08:32It wasn't my fault.
08:34She died.
08:35All I did was try and help her.
08:37Boss,
08:38what are you doing?
08:39I'm telling you the truth, Ted.
08:41I'm telling you the truth.
08:42We're friends, right?
08:43And this is how you show
08:44your gratitude.
08:46Please.
08:52I'm sorry.
08:53I'm sorry.
08:55It's just I'm the other.
08:58The whole thing.
08:59Get out!
09:04Out!
09:05Out!
09:08You are not yourself, Ted.
09:11You are not yourself.
09:13And I get it.
09:14Because you feel,
09:15you feel partly responsible.
09:16Yes.
09:17Maybe there was something else
09:20you could have done.
09:20I asked you for medicine.
09:23Well, it was already too late
09:24by then.
09:25I am so sorry
09:26that you had to go through that, Ted.
09:28But I laid her out.
09:30I laid her out all nicely
09:31while I made the arrangements.
09:33Yeah.
09:33Not thrown against the wall.
09:36No.
09:37No.
09:37Someone else must have moved her.
09:39Because obviously
09:40I'm going to bury her properly.
09:43You are?
09:44Yes.
09:45But these things
09:46don't happen overnight.
09:47They take time.
09:48Well,
09:49where will it be,
09:50the funeral?
09:51I mean,
09:52she didn't know anyone
09:54except or so.
09:55It should be local.
09:57Yes.
09:58Good point.
09:59So I could come.
10:01I don't know.
10:03You might be working.
10:04I'm having the time off.
10:06I've never asked you
10:07for anything before.
10:09I don't matter what it takes.
10:12I'm coming.
10:13I'm coming.
10:14I'm coming.
10:15I'm coming.
10:16I'm coming.
10:17I'm coming.
10:18I'm coming.
10:19I'm coming.
10:21I'm coming.
10:34Oh.
10:35Oh.
10:36Ray,
10:37do you actually do any work?
10:39What?
10:39I'm on a field visit.
10:40Oh.
10:42You seem to have
10:42a lot of farm machinery business,
10:44this neck of the woods.
10:45Well,
10:46there's this, uh,
10:47this lovely woman
10:47who keeps foisting cakes on me.
10:49What's a bloke to do?
10:51Um, I'm just gonna go and speak to my mum. Sorry.
10:55Oh, hi!
10:58Problem?
11:00Having a pattern? If you weren't so distracted by the local...
11:03Nothing to do with Laurel. The old man found the dead girl.
11:07What?
11:08Yeah, I had to stick her in the feature.
11:10That was stupid, even for you.
11:12Well, she needed moving. He proper lost it when she died.
11:15He was crying like a baby.
11:16You let him make a scene?
11:18Look, I didn't want to punish him. We're one step away from rebellion.
11:21Anyway, I talked my way out of it.
11:23Said we were keeping her in there till the, uh, well, the funeral.
11:28Funeral?
11:29Yes. And now he thinks he's coming.
11:32I'll feed him some excuse, but, uh, he's dead set.
11:37Actually, you don't need to feed him anything.
11:40Me?
11:41If he wants a funeral, he can have a funeral.
11:43I should have thought of this before.
11:45Hopefully, I am not too late.
11:48Meet me later. Bring the old man and the body.
11:51I will drop you a pin.
11:57Oi!
11:58Service.
11:59Don't oi me.
12:01But, um, seeing as we're quiet,
12:03what can I get for you, Kevin?
12:06Well, I'm assuming that's your full name.
12:08Like, Saint Kevin, who lived as a Herbert.
12:10There's a saint called Kevin.
12:12I think there's a saint for pretty much everyone.
12:14My namesake was hung, drawn and quartered for high treason.
12:17Stole me.
12:19Anyway, um, what about a hot drink of your choice and a muffin for a special price of five pounds?
12:24Right, I'll have a, uh, um, chamomile tea, please.
12:29You know, you don't have milk or sugar with that.
12:32Oh.
12:33Right, I can, uh, try something new if I want, can't I?
12:36And you keep banging on about how nice it is, so...
12:38I'm glad you listened to my recommendations.
12:41You can go now.
12:43Better...
12:44I'll close up.
12:45It's the rules when someone's been off sick.
12:47Read the staff handbook.
12:48There's a staff handbook?
12:49Go on then, chop chop.
12:50Go and get my coat.
12:52It's probably fine.
12:53I just thought you might need saving.
12:55It's very thoughtful of you.
12:56It's my middle name.
12:57Yeah.
12:58It's nothing to do with the fact that you know he's my son then, no?
13:04Moira, it's me again.
13:05Just, uh, wondering if you'd sign the contract.
13:08Oh, uh, just give me a wee minute.
13:11Uh, sorry.
13:12I should have left it till after tea time.
13:14Most stressful part of the day, apparently.
13:16Well, depends if you've got a bottle open.
13:18Oh, don't tempt me.
13:22I, uh...
13:25I have to go into town.
13:26The dentists.
13:28I can take that lot for you if you fancy it.
13:30Oh, no, don't worry about it.
13:31It's no bother.
13:32I pass at least a dozen charity shops on my way in.
13:35Do you have any preference?
13:37Huh?
13:38Dogs, donkeys, starving orphans.
13:40No, you pick.
13:41I trust you.
13:42Oh, cool.
13:43Thanks.
13:44Bye.
13:49That's why you were hanging on like a bad smell
13:51while I was talking to Lewis about Emma, innit?
13:53You don't want a kid, Kev.
13:55Yeah, I do.
13:56Why?
13:57I take him fishing.
13:58He hates fishing.
13:59Probably.
14:00If it's killing innocent creatures.
14:02Chuck him back, don't you?
14:03He's got a perfectly good dad already, the one who adopted him.
14:06You're right.
14:07He's blood.
14:08You're also a dying man.
14:09I'm sorry to be blunt, but what is the point in a big family reunion
14:13if your heart could seize up any minute?
14:15It's selfish, you've asked me.
14:16Selfish and irresponsible and cruel.
14:19You can't talk to me like that.
14:20I just did.
14:21What are you going to do about it?
14:22Oh, act like a nutter, like you do with everyone else.
14:25Give it your best shot.
14:26You won't scare me.
14:27I thought I would come in with you.
14:28You won't scare me.
14:29You won't scare me.
14:30You won't scare me.
14:31I thought I would come into the funeral.
14:56This is it.
14:57The DIY version.
14:58Here?
14:59Your friend Anya didn't have any papers, remember?
15:02She's not entitled to a registered grave.
15:05But you...
15:06I thought we could swing it, Ted.
15:08But it turns out you can have a dead body and nobody cares.
15:13So we are going to do our very best for her.
15:17Give her the send-off she deserves.
15:22Would you...
15:24Would you like to pick a spot?
15:26Go.
15:27Here.
15:28This looks good.
15:29227 pounds.
15:30And 34p.
15:31It's just like Lydia said.
15:32Ah.
15:33So how much is she shot?
15:34I don't know.
15:35I don't know.
15:36I think I could do some stuff.
15:37I don't know.
15:38I don't know.
15:39I don't know.
15:40I don't know.
15:41I don't know.
15:42I don't know.
15:43I don't know.
15:44You should be at work.
15:45Here. This looks good.
15:51£227 and...
15:54And 34p. It's just like Lydia said.
15:58So how much is she short by then?
16:02£10.66.
16:05And then she would have had enough for tickets?
16:07Yeah, but it's pointless, Sam, because they're sold out, aren't they?
16:09Let me just check, actually.
16:11£10.66.
16:13It's like two pints and a bag of scratchings.
16:16No way.
16:17They're releasing a load more VIP tickets tomorrow.
16:20We've got time.
16:21Ho-ho-ho! Yes!
16:22Right.
16:23Yeah, what have I got?
16:26£150.
16:27In me lucky bottle top.
16:28She's not having that.
16:29I bet she's not checked soap, eh?
16:36Oh, schoolgirl, eh?
16:37I knew it.
16:38I've got £10.
16:432.27.34.
16:46Was I right?
16:48Bang on.
16:49Oh, well.
16:50It's always next time.
16:51Yeah, well, we'll probably need it for bills before long, anyway.
17:02I wish things had gone better and worked out the way you'd hoped.
17:06I was glad of you.
17:07I was glad of you.
17:08You were kind.
17:09You looked out for me.
17:10I looked out for you.
17:11Not so well as it turned out.
17:12I'm so sorry.
17:13I wish it'd be me that'd be taken.
17:14I wish it'd be me that'd be taken.
17:18Then, through each life, some rain must fall.
17:19But too much is falling.
17:20I wish it'd be me that'd be taken.
17:21I wish it'd be me that'd be taken.
17:23I'm so sorry.
17:25I wish it'd be me that'd be taken.
17:30Into each life, some rain must fall, but too much is falling in line.
17:50Into each heart, some tears must fall, but someday the sun will shine, some folk can lose the blues in their heart.
18:08It was when I think of you, another shower starts, into each life, some rain must fall, but too much is falling in line.
18:31It was lovely, Ted.
18:38My pal. My bright shining girl.
18:48Sleep tight, my love.
18:57We're closing. I've nearly finished mopping and you're still lingering.
19:01Yeah.
19:02Okay. What don't you understand? Lewis might be your biological son, but that doesn't give you a right to play daddy.
19:11Yeah, but I am his dad. It wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me.
19:14It's a shame you didn't have this burning sense of responsibility 23 years ago. Where were you then?
19:18You know where I was? Prison.
19:20Exactly. Leaving Emma no choice than to have him adopted.
19:23She was the one that grasped me to the old bills. She's the one that got me sent down.
19:27No, Kev. You got yourself sent down by being a raging criminal.
19:31I wouldn't be surprised if it was you that robbed that pawn shop.
19:35Oh, my God. And you're wondering why I don't want the lad to have anything to do with you.
19:39It was a one-off. I needed a cash injection.
19:42You are immoral and deluded.
19:44Yeah, I bet you're only interested in Lewis so that you can train him up as an accountant.
19:48Oh, hiya. Kev.
19:51What?
19:53Are you talking about me?
19:54No.
19:55Okay.
19:56Kev was asking about cleaning work.
19:58But I thought you had a dicky ticker.
20:00Well, that's just what I said. What are you doing back anyway?
20:02Oh, at the staff handbook. I looked through the driver. I couldn't find it.
20:05Don't you think it's co-own I should have...
20:06Oh, Kev, you're looking a bit pale.
20:08Are you all right?
20:09Mm-mm.
20:10Go and get him a chamomile tea.
20:12Go on, quick.
20:16How much do you care? That's the question.
20:18Because if you've really got his best interests at heart, you'd leave him in peace.
20:23That's what being a proper dad means.
20:33Well, you made an old man very happy.
20:37He'd be happier if she was alive.
20:46What was with the blanket?
20:49Did you have a sudden tender moment?
20:51Untouched.
20:54It wasn't sentiment.
20:56We just buried a body.
21:01Cheers.
21:03Yeah, cheers.
21:05The blanket. It was Moira's.
21:09She has a body wrapped in her DNA in a shallow grave on her own farmland.
21:18And there was me thinking you actually had a heart.
21:24She's my neighbour, my business partner, and now, thanks to a ratty old blanket, she's our insurance against ever getting caught.
21:36What was with the other?
21:37What was your name?
21:39It was a very famous man.
21:40It's the same thing that you had to do before.
21:42I'd like to say.
21:43I got the picture.
21:44I bought the picture here.
21:45I got the picture, my baby, I got the picture on my own.
21:48I got and I got.
21:50You're my okay.
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