- 22 hours ago
First broadcast 27th November 1999.
Surviving two bullets to the chest, finding priceless treasures in the garden and a murderer falling at his feet could this be the work of the devil or something to do with his brown eyed girl?
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Caroline Quentin - Maddy Magellan
Debbie Arnold - Sadie Bechtenstein
Andrew Tiernan - Lenny Spearfish
Rachel Power - Alice Spearfish
Alan Corser - Old Man
Peter Hughes - Coroner
Stuart Milligan -
Adam Klaus
Griff Rhys Jones - Jeremy Sangster
Maxine Peake - Marion Cretiss
Adjoa Andoh - Anthea Spacey
Louise Barrett - Callgirl
Brett Fancy - Troy
Surviving two bullets to the chest, finding priceless treasures in the garden and a murderer falling at his feet could this be the work of the devil or something to do with his brown eyed girl?
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek
Caroline Quentin - Maddy Magellan
Debbie Arnold - Sadie Bechtenstein
Andrew Tiernan - Lenny Spearfish
Rachel Power - Alice Spearfish
Alan Corser - Old Man
Peter Hughes - Coroner
Stuart Milligan -
Adam Klaus
Griff Rhys Jones - Jeremy Sangster
Maxine Peake - Marion Cretiss
Adjoa Andoh - Anthea Spacey
Louise Barrett - Callgirl
Brett Fancy - Troy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00For more information visit www.fema.gov
00:29anyone in residence you're early oh yeah we've got ages okay if I put a couple of bits through
00:49your washing machine while I'm here as mine copped out this morning whatever and can we not make it
00:57a late one please you know it's tomorrow morning that big court case with these nips oh yes right
01:02presser gonna have a field day as it is Adam Klaus up for propositioning a waitress with a kipper
01:07so they've got to be there for 10 as a possible character witness so only I know what you're
01:13like at dinner parties blethering away sometimes till three o'clock in the my god what the hell
01:19is all this just a few odds and sods odds and sods it's like the relief effort to an earthquake
01:27zone what are you planning a prison breakout so I know what goes with what now leave it or you'll
01:34upset my system it's like a kind of zen thing for me washing I have to be in the mood you think you're
01:39gonna ship this lot by seven are you mad I thought you could finish it tomorrow oh yes I've got we
01:46don't wanky here and work experience it'll be no sweat what are their names again these friends of
01:53yours tonight Saul and Sadie beetroot stain Bectenstein I met her last year at this press thing and ever
02:02since she's been badgering me to come round I'm convinced because she thinks I'm Jewish
02:05what do you mean what do you mean what do you mean thinks you're Jewish thinks I'm Jewish so like
02:13every time we meet I get this so what are you doing for Yom Kippur I must give you the name of my
02:16caterers stuff like that so what nothing no she knows all about me though she knows I'm not kosher
02:26oh yeah because if you've been telling fibs just to get in with her don't be ridiculous
02:32Dr. Creek we meet at last such a pleasure I've heard all about you
02:38Maddie look at me
02:40oh my husband Saul who's in insurance and now do you come and meet our new neighbors
02:50Alice and Lenny Spearfish they've just bought Tierra Santa down on the corner
02:55so um what do you think of my husband John Mulker he made it himself
03:08mmm exquisite
03:10Lee decorated with all the lovely stitching yeah you ever need a seamstress I'm telling you
03:18but then listen to me you'll be quite handy with a needle yourself Jonathan
03:22let me tell you you're not the first garnaecologist to use that spoon but it's always an honor
03:27confidentially I wouldn't mind a word with you later about one or two matters
03:32yes actually I think I should
03:34so anyway Lenny what line of business are you in you seem to have done very well for yourself
03:39yes we came into some money totally by chance one day
03:44would be one way of looking at it
03:45well then again chance may have had nothing to do with it
03:48well it just happened that way
03:51come on Alice I think we can share the secret of our success with them
03:54why shouldn't they know the truth that I sold my soul to the devil
04:01sorry I suppose that's a bit of a conversation stopper
04:13whoops what kind of a cranky tail is he gonna spin us well no more or less than the truth I can promise you
04:24fine that's alright if you want to cut me off that spray thanks you wouldn't have thought a couple of months ago life had anything left to offer us three years of marriage we were on the ropes
04:37overdrafts negative equity every day we just seem to sink further down
04:43came to a point one Monday a few quid in my pocket from that sodding gyro
04:48coming home afterwards well I'd heard about this place weird kind of stuff they sold I don't know today something made me go inside
05:11he asked me what I was seeking solutions revelations would I like to know what the future held in store I said I had no future
05:29that was the problem there was nothing in there I wanted to buy I said in that case maybe I had something to sell
05:48what can I say it was like some kind of adrenaline surge the ultimate escape the ultimate screw you to God and the world
06:17I gave him his commission of course it was all a con I knew that how could I sell my soul to Satan I didn't believe in souls
06:36didn't believe in Satan till the next day
06:42I finally got round to having a go at this old dead tree in the garden
06:49Alice!
06:57to cut a long story short it was over 200 years old
07:04they held a coroner's inquest and declared it treasure trove
07:13overnight we were 1.3 million pounds richer
07:19yeah that'd be great
07:24the day we moved out Alice found the document
07:28what's this?
07:29of course when I told her what it was she wasn't best pleased
07:32God and the Bible were things she took very seriously
07:35yeah don't worry about it
07:37me
07:39by this time I didn't know what to believe
07:44fire brigade's first thought was a short circuit somewhere
07:59loss adjusters said no
08:01pattern of the spread pointed to it starting in the hall
08:17in one of those tea chests maybe of old papers
08:22caused by no one was prepared to say
08:29either way the evidence was gone forever
08:35along with everything else
08:38our entire past
08:40our whole life together up to that point
08:43burnt to hell
08:47well that was another evening of fun frolics then
08:51this is my next-door neighbour
08:53he's in league with Lucifer
08:55followed by a private consultation in the kitchen
08:57about her most intimate marital problems
08:59she asked me about keeping a cap in place
09:01I thought we were back onto yarmulkers
09:03I said have you tried using a bit of toupee tape
09:05what do you have to tell her I was a doctor for?
09:07you've got no scruples about these things have you?
09:09truth and fiction there's absolutely no difference
09:11will you shut up for a sec?
09:13oh look for goodness sake Alice
09:19our whole life's a gamble
09:21stop being such a misery
09:23the night's still young we're still young
09:25I am not in the mood
09:27I'm sorry for blowing a fortune on a little silver ball
09:29if you want to go you can go on your own
09:31can we drop you anywhere?
09:53he's always had the bug
09:55of course now he's got the money
09:57he'll find some club
09:59casino somewhere and that'll be that
10:03he's not what you think he is
10:07that's not the real Lenny
10:09the man I married is just
10:11you're talking about temptations
10:13beyond anything he's ever experienced
10:15and
10:17somehow
10:19I don't know
10:21we've got to find a way to deal with all this
10:23or
10:29well
10:31it's nice meeting you both
10:33you're
10:39you're
10:41you're
10:43you're
10:45your exact words
10:47through the hotel room door
10:49were
10:51and let's be quite clear about
10:53this
10:55good morning room service
10:57that's correct
10:59not good morning I've come to commit
11:01an unnatural act with a grilled herring
11:03but
11:05good morning room service
11:07correct
11:09despite which when he opened the door
11:11the door
11:13wearing what you described as
11:15a Nancy kimono bed jacket
11:17he made
11:19what was to be the first of several
11:21improper suggestions
11:23yes
11:25he pointed across the room
11:27with his finger
11:29and
11:31said
11:32let's have it over there
11:33on the table
11:35let's have it over there
11:37on the table
11:39and as you crossed the room
11:41with the train
11:43you noticed he had now let his bed jacket
11:45fall open with
11:47in your words
11:49his wedding tackle
11:51standing to attention
11:53bearing in mind it was over my shoulder at the time
11:55pardon me
11:57the only man I was facing the other way
11:59but I could see it over my shoulder in the mirror
12:01quite so
12:03Miss Gretis
12:05can you believe the mendacity Jonathan
12:15the sheer vindictiveness of some people
12:17yet we want a job
12:19there's no exaggeration to say
12:21this is the assassination of Kennedy all over again
12:23actually Adam I think you'll find that is an exaggeration
12:25it's not enough our concert dates across the channel
12:29are in serious trouble even as we speak
12:31did you see the figures for the advance in Paris
12:33it's a disaster
12:35sorry?
12:37our tour de France Jonathan is shaping up this one big oven ready turkey
12:39if tickets don't start moving in the next seven days
12:41well I'm stuck here
12:43facing a possible order for six figure damages
12:45a possible order for six figure damages
13:15you just can't see these people can you for the parasites they are
13:25no doubt she'll be on a nice healthy commission
13:27how much have you signed away now?
13:29an adventurous portfolio
13:31balancing medium to high risk investments
13:35she said in twelve months we could double our stake
13:37Lenny
13:39it's scaring me all this
13:41I wondered if we should talk to someone
13:43from the church
13:45about what?
13:47look I'm on a roll now
13:49for the first time in my life
13:51I can't explain it
13:53I don't want to explain it
13:55you're not afraid?
13:57you'll have to account for all this one day
13:59one day?
14:01you live for one day
14:03you miss out on now
14:05now is all we have Alice
14:07gotta learn to make the most of it
14:09place your backs please
14:29place your backs please
14:33turn to three right
14:35you
15:05and
15:11for a while
15:27oh
15:31see
15:33Ah!
16:03Look, Troy, I pay what I owe it.
16:12Everything.
16:15We're even.
16:18You think so?
16:33You think so?
17:03You think so?
17:33This isn't real.
17:35I don't believe you're telling me this.
17:36You paid for some woman's...
17:38Look, I'm sorry.
17:40It happened.
17:41Business transaction.
17:42I was barely conscious.
17:44But you're missing the point.
17:46This guy, her pimp, whatever he was, fired two bullets into my chest and they bounced clean off.
17:52No blanks, no bulletproof vests.
17:54It's all happening to me, Alice.
17:59It's like I can't lose anymore.
18:01I have the power to do anything I want.
18:04Look, at no time did I incite her to have sex with a fish.
18:12Like I said, she just dropped a tray of breakfast things on my foot.
18:16She said something like, there goes your kipper.
18:19I said, oh...
18:20Yes, Mr. Klaus?
18:21Forget the kipper.
18:23Sod the kipper.
18:25Blow the kipper.
18:26I don't know.
18:28I can't remember.
18:29Mr. Klaus, isn't the truth of the matter that you were physically aroused by this woman from the moment she walked in?
18:35I was not aroused.
18:38I just had a tense night.
18:40As any man will know, sometimes it's just like that in the morning.
18:44If you're all on edge.
18:45Like waking up with a stiff neck.
18:47Yes.
18:48Yes, exactly like that.
18:54Have you been in yet?
18:56No, I'm still waiting to be called.
18:57What are you doing here?
18:58Do you remember that couple, Dr. Faustus, who's missing us?
19:02I just got a call from her.
19:04Apparently that whole business is getting weirder by the second.
19:07Mr. Klaus, do you deny that when Miss Kretis cried out in shock,
19:13your response was to perform in front of her an act of gross indecency with a union jack?
19:20No.
19:21I just grabbed out for something to cover myself up.
19:24There were some prompts from one of my tricks on a chair, and I just...
19:27Mr. Klaus, yes or no?
19:29So, when this poor lady screamed, did you or did you not hang a flag on it?
19:38I can't go tonight.
19:39I've got to shoot off to the theatre at six.
19:41Assuming he ever gets out of there alive.
19:43Okay.
19:44I'll leg it then.
19:46Oh, anything I should look out for?
19:49See if those bullet marks come off with soap and water.
19:51Of course, the danger with something like this is your imagination starts filling in the gaps.
20:10Like this contract with the devil bursting into flames.
20:15Maybe there was something else in that tea chest that was combustible or...
20:18It was just old papers from the loft.
20:20Letters and diaries of my mum's.
20:23Stuff of my dad's.
20:24Both deceased, but you know how you hang on to things.
20:28I'd hate to think that they'd have made up all this.
20:31Religious people?
20:33Very proper and correct.
20:34She'd worked in service to dukes and lords and goodness knows who else.
20:40She was very conscious of her place.
20:42He was a devout Catholic.
20:44Brought me up with a very clear idea of good and evil.
20:48Well, I'm sure it's the same in your religion.
20:50I mean, we both worship the God of Abraham.
20:52Well, yeah, I mean...
20:53No, sorry, actually, I'm not...
20:55Anyway, this prostitute thing.
20:58I rang up the police and they had him straight down there
21:02to identify the body and everything.
21:05It seems she'd basically been double-crossing this bloke she worked for.
21:08He was a bit of a psycho.
21:10He just let her have it.
21:12They said if he finds out Lenny's still alive, he's a witness to the murder.
21:16If you're going to put all this in your book,
21:18then maybe you should inspect the evidence.
21:26Even the police surgeon was baffled.
21:28No question.
21:30They'd gone through my shirt and burnt the skin.
21:32So why didn't they penetrate the flesh
21:34when bullets from the same gun had already blu...
21:37Got lucky once, friend.
21:46Twice?
21:47I don't think so.
21:49Yeah?
21:51Come on, then.
21:52Lenny!
21:58Let's see, look.
22:07He can't.
22:12Come on, what's stopping you?
22:20Come on, you bastard, fire!
22:22He's dead.
22:45He couldn't have been having a fit or something.
22:54What colour was his face?
22:56The only thing I saw or thought I saw
22:58was like a little red birthmark on his cheek
23:01that was there one minute
23:02and the next second seemed to have gone.
23:06I don't know, it's so unreal, this whole thing.
23:09Like something out of a Frank Capra movie.
23:12And there were no entry wounds anywhere on the body.
23:15No poison darts tipped with the venom of an Afghan swan padder.
23:20No doubt if they find any pricks at the station,
23:22we'll be the first to hear about...
23:23What are you doing?
23:25What?
23:26You're not going to iron that.
23:28Oh, right, suppose you just put it on as it is,
23:30all wrinkled up to king and come.
23:32Take no pride in your laundry of any kind?
23:34So, come on.
23:38A man sells his soul to the devil.
23:41Then next morning he wakes up and he's a millionaire.
23:43Bullets can't harm him
23:45and a guy that tries to kill him
23:46just crumples to the floor in his presence.
23:51What if...
23:52Lenny Spearfish pulls off this amazing jewel robbery
23:56and to explain away his newfound wealth
24:00pretends to dig it up in the back garden?
24:03All this diabolism stuff's just to distract his wife,
24:06who takes that kind of thing very seriously.
24:09Plus, it gives him an excuse to start enjoying himself again.
24:13Gambling and sleeping around.
24:16The other guy is in on it.
24:19Making it all look real.
24:22Except he cocks up the bit by the swimming pool
24:24and accidentally cracks his head open.
24:27Amazing.
24:29I am very impressed.
24:30I never thought that curry stain would come out,
24:33but look at that.
24:34A little bit of biotex.
24:36Shame he can't starch your tongue, really, hasn't it?
24:40Try as I might.
24:41I can't see Lenny Spearfish.
24:43It's this Machiavellian trickster.
24:46A good trick needs invention.
24:48It needs precision.
24:49It needs expertise.
24:51But what else does it need, just as important?
24:53It needs an audience.
24:57Otherwise, what's the point?
25:00Why make a parchment miraculously catch fire
25:02if there's no-one there to see it?
25:04Same with those bullets bouncing off.
25:06Who's he trying to impress?
25:08The hell's dead.
25:09Killer's just scarpered.
25:10The only person to be spooked by it was Lenny himself.
25:13Hang on a sec.
25:15If we're saying they're not tricks,
25:16then what the hell are we saying, Jonathan?
25:18What?
25:21No, it's what you said about being in a Frank Capra movie.
25:25And a little light came on suddenly,
25:27just for a second,
25:28and then fizzled out again.
25:31Very irritating.
25:37Do you know what?
25:38I'm wondering if everyone's right.
25:40Maybe I am Jewish.
25:42There's no telling what's lurking in my family tree.
25:45I never knew if my father had a name,
25:47let alone a foreskin.
25:49So come on, then.
25:50Sunday morning shoppers and all that.
25:52No time to hang about.
26:02Are these notes accurate,
26:04what she said to you yesterday?
26:05Of course they're accurate.
26:07God, I'm in absolute agony here, Jonathan.
26:10What the hell did you put in this bra?
26:12Quit drying cement.
26:17So is this the latest funky idea, then?
26:26An investigative crime writer and a gynaecologist
26:28team up to solve baffling murders?
26:31What are you supposed to be looking for?
26:32She said she saw, like, a little red birthmark
26:37on his face that suddenly disappeared.
26:41That ring any bells with you?
26:45Oh, nice watch.
26:48Rolex.
26:48Listen, do you want to hear something you don't want to hear?
26:58Um, that woman who came here
27:01talked to him to all those stocks and shares.
27:04In fact, she's supposed to be coming back this morning.
27:06Well, I got the lawyers to check her out
27:09on all the professional registers, what have you.
27:10Apparently, her name's not listed anywhere.
27:16Anthea Spacey does not exist.
27:21So come on, Lenny.
27:23How much of all this do you believe?
27:25That the devil has granted you power and prosperity
27:28in exchange for your immortal soul?
27:31We're here, aren't we?
27:32That guy I tried to kill me is lying in the morgue.
27:35That's not what I asked.
27:37Maybe you should ask my wife.
27:39She seems pretty convinced.
27:41God-fearing family, right?
27:42Good Catholic parents.
27:44My tribe are all Londoners.
27:47I don't believe in anything.
27:51Part of me still doesn't.
27:55All I know is
27:56that something's happened
27:58that's turned my life around.
28:01And I don't knock it.
28:02And I don't question it.
28:05And if you'll excuse me,
28:06I think that's my business advisor just arrived.
28:10Don't ask me to explain this, Mr. Spearfish.
28:14I can't.
28:16One would expect a little upward movement,
28:17a little down,
28:18but early indications across the board are,
28:22well, I think healthy, barely covers it.
28:26Would you like to know
28:27how much money you've made
28:28in the last 24 hours?
28:41This is impossible, surely?
28:43Oh, my God.
28:44A bit of a leaky pen.
28:45Is there somewhere I could just, uh...
28:47Then I'll try and make some sense of it for you.
28:51When she comes out of there,
29:10keep her talking.
29:11About what?
29:12Where are you off to?
29:14Gonna have a quick shifty around her car,
29:16see if I can find out who she really is.
29:17Let's go.
29:47All right.
30:17Yes.
30:22Well, let's just say it's not getting any easier.
30:25To be honest, I'm running out of ideas, but we'll see.
30:30Right.
30:32Bye.
30:47Bye.
31:04Bye.
31:06Bye.
31:07Oh, there it is.
31:37My God, you took your time.
31:55You've never driven an automatic before.
31:57I've never driven a car before.
31:59I didn't want to risk anything.
32:04She said it wasn't getting any easier and she was running out of ideas.
32:08What does that mean?
32:10Guy's just made an unreal killing on the stock market in the space of a day.
32:14Unreal is the word.
32:17Now things are becoming clearer.
32:20He had a good long squint at his chest last night.
32:23I don't suppose he thought to take a look at his wrists.
32:26I know the man's a gambler and he likes a drink.
32:30So there's every reason I'll take that story about a night on the town at face value.
32:40Guy's clearly loaded, ripe for some high-class hooker to whisk him up to her room somewhere.
32:46By this time he's totally out of it.
32:48He'll buy anything she's offering.
32:50And let's imagine that for top dollar there are some special services she performs.
32:55I'm afraid there's no way those graze marks I saw on his wrist this morning were caused by a Rolex.
33:04If he had a good time that night he was in no state to remember anything about it.
33:22The guy fires a gun at him in the dark.
33:27Hits the bedpost or whatever.
33:30Pain in his chest makes him think he's been hit.
33:36All it's got to do with the rest of the story is anyone's guess.
33:39Of course, I was forgetting you were an expert on handcuffs and their associated abrasions.
33:44I may write a small monograph on the subject.
33:49Which all begs the question, where do we go from here?
33:54My place.
33:56Oh, do you know that feeling when someone's been at your nipples with a spanner?
34:03Oddly enough, no.
34:05You're a bit too nifty with that starch, if you ask me.
34:08Hmm?
34:09Where's your hand?
34:11There.
34:12See what you've done to it, look.
34:14There.
34:15There.
34:16There.
34:17There.
34:18There.
34:19There.
34:20There.
34:21There.
34:28Alice, what?
34:29It's all over.
34:31If I couldn't live with myself, how could I live with him?
34:37God will forgive.
34:38I kept telling him.
34:39But you have to let go.
34:40You have to stop wanting it.
34:41And just settle for what we had.
34:42Before.
34:43No way.
34:44He said he wasn't going back to those days again.
34:45I said, well, you'll have to take the consequences.
34:46I can't go on with it.
34:47So.
34:48It's not like I've stopped loving him, it's just, I don't know, it frightens me so much,
35:05or this.
35:06I just had to get some space.
35:09Of course.
35:11I just had to get some space.
35:15Of course. You have my bed tonight. We'll grab some sofas.
35:36Yes.
35:39What's happening? Don't tell me the game's afoot, Watson.
35:43It's amazing what you can find on the internet if you know what you're looking for.
35:46Yeah? What you got?
35:48Watson will eat on your disappearing birthmark.
35:51Of course, it still doesn't explain why. That's the real puzzler.
35:55Why? What? What are you on about?
35:57Sorry, I'll have to keep. I'm late for court. Talk to you later.
36:00She said, where is it? And I said, just sit inside.
36:09Morning. You're looking worryingly chipper.
36:13Excuse me. Sure. Not all is doom and gloom today, Jonathan.
36:18Check out this sudden upsurge in our continental fortunes.
36:23My God. Fourteen sellouts.
36:26Requests for extended runs in Paris, Lyon and Toulouse.
36:29Box office finally is booming. Triggered, it would seem, by events in this very building.
36:34The sniff of a sex scandal. You know what the French are like.
36:38It appears this case has worked wonders for my profile.
36:41Indeed, there's an artist's impression of my profile in this one.
36:44Which is extremely flattering, if anatomically impossible.
36:47That's, er, very unfortunate. How serious is she, do you think?
37:02Well, listen, maybe you should consider exploiting this to your advantage,
37:08because I'm thinking if we could get some kind of waiver from her in writing,
37:15it would free you up for the future and then, let's face it, she'd be out of your hair forever.
37:22Yeah. Right.
37:27Sounds good to me.
37:30So, based on your long professional association, Mr. Creek,
37:34Mr. Creek, would you describe Mr. Klaus as a celibate man?
37:40Well, hardly that, no.
37:43A monogamous man, then?
37:46Well, not entirely.
37:49Would you say that he puts it about a bit?
37:55Mr. Creek.
38:05Mr. Creek?
38:09I'm still waiting.
38:16What's up?
38:17Plenty.
38:19They want her to sign a document now.
38:21Like a sort of post-pro nuptial, renouncing any future claim on the money.
38:24Which, of course, is all in his name.
38:26I said she'd have to be barmy.
38:27She said if that's what he really wants, he's welcome to it.
38:29Where do they want her to sign?
38:30She left about half an hour ago, aiming to get there for three.
38:34Fine.
38:35Just give me enough time to fill you in.
38:37On what?
38:38On what this madness has all been about from the word go.
39:00Sure you don't want her to sign in blood, Lenny?
39:03No-one's forcing anyone to do anything.
39:04It's her choice.
39:06If Mrs. Spearfish chooses to surrender her share of the estate for whatever moral or religious reasons, that's her right.
39:13The marriage, having reached a point of irretrievable breakdown, I think they should do as they see fit.
39:18If I'd have thought it would have come to this.
39:24So come on, we haven't got all day.
39:29We'll need two witnesses to the signature, so...
39:36If you wouldn't mind?
39:37Well, I think they've pretty much made up their minds, and why drag it out?
39:41Right. Then, Anna...
40:01I'll say goodbye.
40:11If you need a shamelessly relaxing quiz, I need a job.
40:12I don't understand why even you were talking to her.
40:14I'm very safe, so...
40:16I'm very naive.
40:17I'm very naive.
40:18You can speak to her, as I have to laugh and ask her.
40:21You can hear the feeling that it's in the middle of the night.
40:24Just to say goodbye.
40:25If you'd mind, what you've been doing?
40:28I love you, I love you.
40:30I love you, I love you.
40:32I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
41:04Well, it seems I totally misjudged them.
41:08Oh, I wouldn't say that, Miss Spacey.
41:10Or whatever your name is.
41:12I think you judged them both to perfection.
41:16Cutting her off without a penny was never the object of the exercise.
41:20The whole point was to take them right up to the wire and back again.
41:23I haven't a clue what you're talking about.
41:27Clues.
41:28Yes, there were plenty of them knocking about.
41:30Well, but they all got obscured by this pact with the devil nonsense.
41:36Impressionable young couple.
41:37One of them starts dabbling in the occult.
41:41What else are they going to think when their whole life starts changing for no apparent reason?
41:46They're not going to know it would have changed anyway.
41:49That that Mickey Mouse manuscript had nothing to do with anything.
41:52You hit it square on when you said this had the echo of a Frank Capra movie.
41:59Frank Capra?
42:01Whose most famous film...
42:03It's a Wonderful Life.
42:04...was all about?
42:05A man who's saved by a guardian angel.
42:08Someone, some mystery benefactor, was making all this happen.
42:19Someone rich enough to finance buried treasure in the garden and miracle profits on the stock exchange.
42:25But how is it being engineered?
42:28You don't just guess that someone's about to dig up an old tree.
42:31That points to some kind of surveillance.
42:35Professional operators watching their every move.
42:38The thing with the bullets we know is a fluke.
42:41But what about that stump by the pool?
42:46Got lucky once, friend.
42:47By now, Lenny's on this mad high.
42:50He's got nothing to fear.
42:51The devil will save him.
42:54Sure enough, the guy seizes up.
42:56Paranised by some unseen force.
42:59You see, look.
42:59He can't.
43:02The only clue to how it was worked...
43:05...was a little red birthmark...
43:07...that appeared in his face for a second, then seemed to vanish.
43:16Of course, it wasn't a birthmark.
43:18And it wasn't blood.
43:20And it was the best part of a sleepless night...
43:23...before the answer popped into my head.
43:25It was the red dot...
43:27...from a laser gun sight.
43:29Suggesting we were into a very clever piece of technology here.
43:35A weapon that can target and disable...
43:37...without leaving a mark on someone's body.
43:39The 34-700 air taser...
43:46...effectively jams the neuromuscular system...
43:50...by firing two small probes on a fine wire into the attacker's clothing.
43:57Basically a kind of long-distance stun gun.
43:59The victim totally loses control of his body...
44:02...in this case with fatal results.
44:04But who'd be toting something like that around?
44:11If not MI5, then MI something.
44:18Suddenly we're looking at a figure with so much clout it's frightening.
44:21And this afternoon in the courtroom it all dropped into place.
44:26That thing about not knowing what's lurking in your family tree...
44:31...of course I'd already seen it in this house yesterday morning.
44:38Two blue-eyed parents and a brown-eyed daughter.
44:43Genetically most unlikely.
44:45Yes, the sweetest irony of the lot...
44:47...the carefully disguised gifts and covert protection...
44:50...were all meant for Alice.
44:52Alice, whose mother would have had every opportunity back in the 60s...
44:55She'd worked in service...
44:57...to dukes and lords and...
44:59...goodness knows who else.
45:01For a little dalliance with someone of noble...
45:03...dare one even say royal birth?
45:06How about it, Anthea?
45:09I don't know.
45:11I don't know.
45:13How about it, Anthea?
45:16How high up, as they say, does this one go?
45:23You know what my job, my life, would be worth if I told you that?
45:29Well, high enough for any telltale letters and diaries in that tea chest...
45:34...to be conveniently torched using some remote-controlled gizmo or other?
45:43Let's just say it was 30 years before the facts became clear.
45:51The brief was to see that she and her family were well provided for.
45:55Without alerting them, of course, to the truth...
45:57...budget and resources weren't a problem.
46:01But Lenny Spearfish was.
46:16The spectre of him gambling it all away meant you had to move in quick and plug the leak.
46:20And we could hardly leave her on our own while that lunatic with a gun was still at large.
46:27Then disaster.
46:29Alice walks out.
46:30On her husband.
46:31On everything you've been setting up for her.
46:33I'm no marriage counsellor, but something told me it was still solid enough underneath.
46:40They just needed shaking up a bit to knock some sense into them both, basically.
46:47All this because no-one can tell her who her real father is.
46:53They'd rather she live the rest of her life believing all this black magic baloney.
46:59Well, maybe.
47:01One day.
47:03In the end, it's not my decision.
47:07So, I think I can rely upon the two of you to keep this to yourselves?
47:11Why on earth would you think that?
47:14So, go on then.
47:24Who's your money on?
47:26You're kidding.
47:39You know, I wouldn't put it past him.
47:43And after what has been a deeply distressing time for me personally and professionally,
47:49I simply thank God that once again here, good has triumphed over evil.
47:54Thank you very much indeed.
47:55So, are you planning to...
47:56No, no.
47:59What's going on?
48:00What happened?
48:01Didn't you hear?
48:02They threw out the case.
48:03Eleventh-hour evidence.
48:04We acquired statements from six other hotel guests, men of stature and substance, who have
48:08all in the past paid off miscredits to keep allegations of misconduct from ever surfacing
48:12court of law.
48:13In short, she was forced to admit this was a scam she'd been working for years, exploiting
48:18compromising situations for personal gain.
48:21And averted all that juicy publicity.
48:22They've got our ticket sales moving in France.
48:23Fortuitous, one might say, how it's all panned out.
48:24Though, of course, business affairs are of secondary consideration.
48:28What is important is that I have emerged from this whole sordid affair without so much as
48:35a stain on my...
48:36You bastard!
48:37I think you're such a big shot!
48:38I'll take this much, and it isn't a magnifying glass!
48:39Bloody tingles!
48:40That's all, you're not a liar!
48:41Shut up!
48:42Come on.
48:43Now I've got coke up my nose.
48:44There's a novelty.
48:45Actually, I can recommend a very good laundry service.
48:47Come to think of it.
48:48If you ever need a gynaecology...
48:49Jewish humour.
48:50Don't you just love it?
48:51Q.
48:52Stay in touch with me as to the closet, you're not a jerk or the staircase.
48:54Well, you're not a liar of yours.
48:55Wh...
48:56You're not a liar, in ayez, you're not a liar.
48:57Who else?
48:58It's a fact that you don't use it.
48:59But you're not a liar...
49:00Why is this a good liar?
49:01You're not a liar!
49:02I'll put your�� aside.
49:03You're not a liar!
49:04All right, so a butterfly glass!
49:05Bloody chin-bots!
49:06That's all you're not a liar!
49:07Why are you?
49:08Come on.
49:09No, I've got coke up my nose.
49:10There's a novelty.
49:11Actually, I can recommend a very good laundry service.
49:12Come to think of it, if you ever need a gynaecology room...
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