Skip to playerSkip to main content
NovaStream
  • 19 hours ago
Transcript
00:00What the hell happened?
00:04Muscle crap! Wait!
00:06No! No! I was tensing up!
00:08No! I was tensing up so much!
00:10Oh, my God! Hold on! Hold on!
00:12Hold on! Hold on!
00:14Shake it off! Shake it off! Wait!
00:16Shake it off! Shake it off! Wait!
00:18I'm OK! Right! No more tensing!
00:26Her flabbers have been gassed.
00:28I've got some of this!
00:30Oh, that is! Look out!
00:32Oh, no! See?
00:34Oh, now there's a controversial statement.
00:36The gravy.
00:38Yeah!
00:40Do you like this music? No, not particularly.
00:42So, suck on that!
00:44Oh, wow!
00:46He's been a bad boy!
00:48Don't ever take me to a restaurant like that.
00:50Not a chance, do we? Oh!
00:52Yes, look at that! He's had an absolute feast!
00:54Whoa!
00:56For a banana?
00:58This is insane!
01:00Well, thank God that's over. I've got a headache run.
01:02It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic, this.
01:06That's very modern, isn't it?
01:08Nothing. No-one saw that coming.
01:09No.
01:10In the week a shoplifter was jailed for stealing eight tubs of celebrations.
01:16We enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:19Lee Mack had more common sense questions on ITV.
01:23If Ariana Grande were to reverse her name, which of these would be the result?
01:27Oh, she's married a lot of...
01:29And she goes up with that fella, can't I give his name now?
01:32Not Beaver.
01:34Ooh!
01:35Justin Beaver!
01:36Justin Beaver!
01:38Justin Beaver!
01:40What's his name then?
01:48Disney Plus had wheeled out the big guns.
01:50Hi.
01:51You're late.
01:52Oh, shit.
01:53What did I forget?
01:54Baby, I'm sorry.
01:55I just started thinking...
01:56Are you really telling me you don't know what today is?
01:58I mean, I could look like that if I could be arsed.
02:01Yeah.
02:02We just do it so that we don't intimidate other women, don't we?
02:06We don't want to show anybody else up if we did, you know, daily working out
02:11and extreme healthy diet, full glam squad every day.
02:16I couldn't be arsed sitting there and having my hair and make-up done.
02:19I can't.
02:20It'd be too much effort.
02:21It would.
02:22I'd rather slob around in bobbly tracksuit bombs.
02:27And celebs had been let loose in Central America on BBC One.
02:33To get there, teams could head for the Caribbean,
02:36taking advantage of the well-trodden but expensive tourist routes in southern Belize.
02:41This is the favourite destination for the Gap Yard, Nate, do you remember?
02:45Which country?
02:47All the people from England on the Gap Yards,
02:50they all meet on some remote beach in South America
02:54and they say it's really weird that they've met each other on this beach.
02:58What a coincidence.
03:00What an incredible coincidence.
03:09In Surrey...
03:10I got Mum's nose.
03:11No, you didn't.
03:12Cute little button nose.
03:13I definitely got Mum's nose.
03:14Look at it.
03:15Look at it.
03:16Look at it.
03:17Sarah, her husband Andre and their daughter Shae.
03:21No, but mine nose just looked like...
03:22I don't have this dip thing in the middle.
03:25That comes after 30.
03:26Wait, that's a bit too soon for my liking, you know?
03:31Wait, wait, wait, wait, I've only got four years.
03:34Enjoy it while it lasts.
03:36I used to watch it in the mirror and it's like,
03:38I'm like, what's happening here?
03:41On Saturday night, there was more brain-teasing action on ITV1.
03:46Have you ever been a member of a club or something?
03:48Oh, yeah.
03:49Have you?
03:50Mm-hmm.
03:51I'm a member of the ukulele club.
03:53Well, of course you are.
03:54I never thought of that.
03:55Yes.
03:56Uh-huh.
03:57Well, I might as well try to be part of 1% club
03:58because I'm not part of the running club anymore.
04:00No.
04:01You're part of the quitter's club.
04:02Neither are you.
04:03Let's play the 1% club.
04:09My favourite, um, quiz-y type thing is spot the difference.
04:15I'm not bad at spot the difference, Simon.
04:18Really?
04:20Very really.
04:21I don't know why it's so funny.
04:23Just spot the difference for kids.
04:25They make it very difficult these days.
04:28Seriously.
04:29It is time for the 30% question.
04:32Oh, 30.
04:33That's where it gets that little bit difficult-er.
04:38If a blue car stops suddenly...
04:40Oh, too many words.
04:41..and a yellow car behind crashes into the back of the blue car...
04:45This is what I can't do.
04:46..and a green car crashes into the back of the yellow car
04:49and a black car crashes into the back of the green car...
04:52Uh-huh.
04:53..how many bumpers, front and back, will have been hit in total?
04:57Half of...
04:58What?
05:03So, it would be however many car times two, take away two.
05:06Yes.
05:07Yeah.
05:08Four cars, take away two.
05:10So, eight, take away two.
05:11Six.
05:12I'm going to say six.
05:13Six.
05:14Ten.
05:15Fuck, that's hard.
05:18I'm going for 14.
05:20That's wrong.
05:21You can copy off me if you want.
05:22No.
05:23OK, I'm going to go for five.
05:24I'm going for five.
05:26Not even an even number.
05:27Are you OK?
05:28It's not Squid Games.
05:2921.
05:30It's 22.
05:31We're here in a minute.
05:32Let's have a look at the answer.
05:33It's six.
05:34Ah!
05:35I got it!
05:36Fuck yeah.
05:37What did you get?
05:38Nothing.
05:39Some odd number.
05:4090,000 pounds.
05:41Right, we are getting to the end.
05:43It's now time for the 15% question.
05:4515.
05:46Oh, no.
05:47Oh, no.
05:48Oh, no.
05:49Oh, no.
05:50Oh, no.
05:51Oh, no.
05:52Oh, no.
05:53Oh, no.
05:54Oh, no.
05:55Oh, no.
05:5615% question.
05:5715.
05:58Holy shit.
06:01What flower is represented here?
06:02Now, you'll be good at this.
06:03Flowers.
06:04Right up my alley, this.
06:0530 seconds starts now.
06:07That's it?
06:08Eh?
06:09That's all they're giving you.
06:12What flower?
06:13I can't see a flower.
06:16Where's the flower?
06:18Point setter.
06:19Point.
06:20And that's a set, maybe?
06:22Or an arrow.
06:23What flower do you know called an arrow?
06:25It's a table.
06:26It's a table.
06:27It's a table.
06:28Arrow table.
06:29Right.
06:30Right.
06:31Right.
06:32Right.
06:33Right.
06:34Right.
06:35Where's that?
06:36Rhododendron.
06:37Rose?
06:38Direction.
06:39What?
06:40Rose?
06:41Oh, because it's pointing to the rose.
06:42Rose!
06:43Oh!
06:44Hey!
06:45Clever clogs.
06:47Too late.
06:48Point setter.
06:49Are we going for point setter?
06:50Yeah.
06:51Okay.
06:52Rose.
06:53Rose!
06:54You should have got that.
06:55If anybody knows about rose and columns, it's you.
06:58You see, we've got a bit of a brain between us, haven't we?
07:01Problem is, maybe my brain's too complex.
07:03You were out at 30%.
07:04Okay.
07:05I got to 50.
07:06I nearly said rose.
07:07You were out.
07:08After whittling down the contestants here in the studio, we are left with the 1% question.
07:14Oh, God.
07:15This will be hard.
07:16Diana celebrated her 83rd birthday yesterday.
07:19Okay.
07:20If she was gifted new balloons for every birthday she has celebrated, how many number three balloons
07:27would she have received?
07:29Oh, blimey.
07:303, 13, 23.
07:31Well, you're not doing that.
07:32I'm fucking halfway through here.
07:37What's your answer?
07:3830.
07:39Aye, but hang on.
07:40There's in-betweens as well, you dick.
07:429?
07:43Have I missed something massive there?
07:45I think you might be right.
07:4610.
07:47It's not 10, because you'd have 10 for 30 alone.
07:50All of 30s.
07:51Hell.
07:52Oh, shit, yeah.
07:5340, 50, 60, 70.
07:58Another four.
07:5918.
08:00But 19, because 33, she gets two threes.
08:0238.
08:0339.
08:0439.
08:0519!
08:0619!
08:07Well done, Diana.
08:10Are we about to be in the 1%?
08:12Jack, what's your answer?
08:14Eight.
08:15Oh, Jack!
08:16Silly twat.
08:17You silly get.
08:19Roshin?
08:20I put 20.
08:21I just changed it from 19, and now I'm not sure.
08:24Oh!
08:25Well, hang on.
08:26She might be right, we might be wrong.
08:27She might be right, yes.
08:28Slightly arrogant.
08:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:30Right.
08:31Let's have a look at the answer.
08:32Oh, my God.
08:33It's 19.
08:38Yes!
08:39No way!
08:40Yes, yes, yes!
08:41Oh, my God!
08:42Fuck yeah!
08:4319.
08:44Oh, I forgot the 30s completely.
08:47It's 19.
08:48Oh, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35.
08:51Yeah!
08:52Oh!
08:53Me, yet again, in the 1% Club.
08:55Nailed every question.
08:57So?
08:58Apart from the Rose one, which was a bit fucking stupid, if you ask me.
09:01Which is actually your job.
09:02This is what I'm saying.
09:03You know, it's all well and good going,
09:05I can't have anyone to think, Christian.
09:07You can't even answer questions on your own job, Soph.
09:11You know, get in the real world, eh, Cocker?
09:13In Wiltshire.
09:14I don't know what it is about you, but when you have a bonfire, you think, you're so short-sighted,
09:23you think, let's really be nice to see a blaze, so you'd burn things that were valuable just
09:28to see a blaze.
09:30Giles and his wife, Mary.
09:32I burnt the LaRouche Encyclopedia of Modern Art, Nutty.
09:38Did you really?
09:39Because it was...
09:40OK, I lost...
09:41No, no, I'm joking.
09:42I didn't.
09:43I kept it.
09:44But I was thinking of burning it, because it was so big and no one ever looked at it.
09:49It's time you went on a bonfire.
09:50Oh, Mary.
09:51You've got to keep it light.
09:52Keep it light.
09:53How can I when you're provoking me beyond endurance?
09:54It's just as well I've got my own life.
09:55Tommy.
09:56Otherwise, you'd be gaslighting me and that sort of thing, wouldn't you?
10:10On Thursday, it was backpacks at dawn as the celebrity racers cracked on on the BBC.
10:22Yeah, I mean, I do pretty well.
10:23Let's face it, I've been to 59 countries.
10:25Yeah, and almost got arrested in 58 of them.
10:27No, I did not.
10:29I've only been arrested in a few of them.
10:31Not that many at all.
10:35We'll be doing that tomorrow, racing across to Wales.
10:38It's not quite the world, is it, love?
10:40Well, no, but it's away from home.
10:42Going over the Seven Bridge.
10:43Mmm.
10:44Don't have to pay for it any more.
10:45No toll.
10:46Oh, even better.
10:47Setting off in the lead.
10:48Buenos dias.
10:49Buenos dias.
10:50Que tal?
10:51Anita and Bal are first to find out where they're heading next.
10:54Anita and Bal are nearly a whole day ahead of everyone else.
10:58Your second checkpoint is El Zonte.
11:01Oh, God, El Zonte.
11:02Who's heard of that?
11:03None of them, I expect.
11:04For safety reasons, travel after dark is not allowed.
11:07Travel after dark is not allowed.
11:09That's serious business, you know?
11:11This is quite dangerous.
11:12I've never thought a race across the world would be that dangerous,
11:14but that's quite dangerous.
11:16Across this region of Central America, increased trafficking and crime at night.
11:21I wouldn't go somewhere where there was trafficking, no.
11:24What's trafficking exactly again?
11:27940 kilometres to the south, El Zonte in El Salvador.
11:32Oh, no.
11:33You don't want to be going to El Salvador.
11:35Ooh.
11:36That's not good.
11:37Teams could head for the Caribbean.
11:38Ooh!
11:39Ooh!
11:40That's a piece of me that is there.
11:41Yeah!
11:42I'm taking that route.
11:43Alternatively, they may choose to stay in Guatemala.
11:46Guacamala?
11:47Ooh!
11:48Isn't that something you eat?
11:49What?
11:50You're thinking of guacamole.
11:51Ooh!
11:52Yeah, I am.
11:53You choose.
11:54You choose.
11:55Come on.
11:56We've come to Guatemala, and we're then jumping back out of Guatemala.
11:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:58Without seeing nothing so far.
11:59Yeah, no, no.
12:00Let's stick to Guatemala.
12:01I think we've made our decision.
12:02Stick with Guatemala.
12:03Guatemala.
12:04Yes!
12:05Good idea.
12:06Right, Coburn, yeah?
12:07Yeah.
12:086.44 for the bus.
12:13Erm.
12:14Why are we stopping here?
12:15What, the stopping fire?
12:16Yeah, something's happening.
12:17Trafficking.
12:18Does everybody come off here?
12:19Why are you jumping straight to that?
12:23The road is closed because they're protest-y.
12:25Oh.
12:26Oh, no, they're going to lose time now.
12:27No!
12:28It's a three-day protest, and no-one can pass, so we have to walk.
12:32Oh, that's not ideal.
12:33A three-day protest, that's quite slightly ridiculous.
12:36It's like the French.
12:37Oh, yeah, we could be in France.
12:39Manifestation.
12:40Hang on, what are all these guys doing?
12:42Is this the protest?
12:43Right, where do we get to Coburn?
12:45How do we get there?
12:46Is that the roadblock?
12:47Yeah, that's the roadblock.
12:49I drove over that.
12:50They could get the bus over that easy.
12:52I've parked my car over worse on school road.
12:55I just hope there is a bus.
12:56What if there isn't a bus?
12:58Then what?
13:00Maybe we could hitchhike.
13:02That sounds safe in Guatemala.
13:04You'd pick them up as well.
13:05Yeah.
13:06I love that one.
13:07I love picking up people.
13:08It's so bizarre.
13:09Having navigated their way through the protest, Anita and Bal are spending the night in the
13:14Guatemalan Highlands.
13:15They don't want to be out there on a night.
13:17They've been warned about that.
13:18Basically, I need to leave really early in the morning.
13:216am.
13:22Tomorrow you can't pass in principal roads.
13:27Oh, tomorrow's the same.
13:28You can't pass in principal roads.
13:31So nobody can drive tomorrow?
13:32No.
13:33What?
13:34They can't do anything?
13:35They're stuck.
13:36Oh, in the whole of Guatemala!
13:38Shit, they should have gone the other route.
13:40What if it goes on for days?
13:42What happens then?
13:43Is the race over for us?
13:45Have a pina colada.
13:46I don't know.
13:47Like, fuck it out, Anita.
13:49Yeah, she's different.
13:50Yeah, great.
13:51No, she's very competitive by the looks of it.
13:53Like, come on, calm down.
13:54Even I'm not that competitive.
13:56After an extended stay in Guatemala,
13:59the teams had made it to the checkpoint town.
14:04Got it?
14:05Oh, oh, we got one.
14:06They're all descending on El Zonte now.
14:08Head west on the beach.
14:11And locate the bird carved into rock.
14:14There.
14:15That's a bird carved into a rock there.
14:17There.
14:18See that bird?
14:19Yeah, there.
14:20There it is.
14:21There it is.
14:22Come on, Dad.
14:23Go on, quickly.
14:24That's how close they are.
14:25Well, Anita's dad's not running anywhere.
14:27There.
14:28I see it.
14:29Where?
14:30You see it?
14:31Oh, yeah.
14:32We've got to get up.
14:33They're all there.
14:34They've seen it too, haven't they?
14:35Who's going to get there?
14:36It's locked.
14:37Oh, it's locked?
14:38It's locked.
14:39You're not for sure.
14:40You're going to have to jib your dad over the wall.
14:42It's right up there.
14:43Is this it?
14:44Come on, then.
14:45Who's turning that page over there?
14:46The checkpoint's up there, look.
14:47Oh, my God!
14:48Who's done it?
14:49There's the hotel.
14:50There's the book.
14:51Hola.
14:52Hola.
14:53Welcome to El Zonte.
14:54Hola.
14:55Where is the red book we signed?
14:56Exactly.
14:57Are we the first?
14:58Oh!
14:59Ah!
15:00Yes!
15:01Anita and Belle!
15:02Oh, they've done it.
15:03They're first.
15:04Bravo.
15:05Well done.
15:06No way!
15:07That's sweet, getting on so well with your father.
15:10Do you think they'd let us take Perkins?
15:12Yeah, I mean, I think Perkins going would be good because we could use him as bait.
15:17People would think he's so cute.
15:18You're going to use our dog as bait?
15:19Well, like, as an emotional bait.
15:21We're not pimping him out.
15:22We are totally pimping him out.
15:24Well, mate.
15:25You can stroke my dog if you drive me cheaper.
15:27Less dinero, please.
15:28Pat my dog.
15:29In the room.
15:30I had to do this FODMAP diet to try and find out what foods were irritating my stomach.
15:45And one of the things you have to eat is gluten-free bread.
15:48The price of gluten-free bread for a loaf of bread, £4.
15:53£4?
15:54Best friends Abby and Jarja.
15:57Me uncle said you can get it from the chemist.
15:59As I'm not buying, I'm not getting bread from the chemist.
16:03What?
16:06Me uncle said, oh, you can get the bread from the chemist.
16:10No, you cannot.
16:11I said gluten-free bread from the chemist.
16:13I don't know if he was having us on or not,
16:15but apparently you can get gluten-free bread from the chemist.
16:18I said, I'm not going to the fucking chemist asking for bread.
16:23On Tuesday night,
16:24adolescence were at it in the kitchen on E4.
16:27Come down with me, teens.
16:29What are they all going to be making?
16:30Pot noodles, cereal, toast.
16:33When you see a teenager that can cook, you've got to give them props
16:35because I'll tell you something.
16:37I don't know many.
16:38Definitely not mine.
16:39You might learn something from these teenagers, Steve.
16:42So keep watching.
16:48I'm not wearing funny patterns.
16:49If you shaved your beard off, you could probably apply for this.
16:52I think I'd look too young, to be honest.
16:54One thing I've managed to achieve over these last 30 years, 40 years.
16:59Now, how long have we been here? Nearly 40 years.
17:01Giles.
17:02Is we've managed to abolish the dinner party.
17:04Right.
17:05No, because I have them in London with glittering people.
17:09It's the second day of the teen cooking competition in and around Manchester.
17:14Big up the big end city.
17:16And today it's fitness fan Ben's turn.
17:19He'll give everyone protein shakes.
17:21Oh, we know what he's having.
17:22Chicken.
17:23To fire up his folk stove and host his first ever dinner party.
17:27Do you ever have a dinner party at that age?
17:29Not at that age, no.
17:30Crikey.
17:31Double oven, Ellie.
17:33The dream.
17:34Everything on the menu is something I've loved.
17:36It's from the ages of three, four, six.
17:38Everything just...
17:39Oh, I just love it.
17:40What about five?
17:41What happened to five?
17:42Five was the lost year.
17:44We don't talk about that.
17:45On to the starter.
17:47Tomato bruschetta.
17:49Well, that's quite easy.
17:50Why didn't they just make your bruschetta?
17:52Bruschetta didn't even know what fucking bruschetta was when I was a young man.
17:55I think the nearest thing we got to bruschetta was bread and jam.
17:58Ben starts the process by chopping up onions.
18:02What I don't like about chopping up vegetables and stuff is that they move too much.
18:06I've actually never chopped an onion.
18:08I'm not making my own bread because I don't actually trust my abilities to make my own bread, to be honest.
18:12It takes a lot more effort for it to just be, like, mid.
18:15Mid.
18:17Let's give a mid.
18:18Mid, Jay.
18:19No-one wants mid, do they?
18:20No way, man.
18:21No way, bud.
18:22Dessert, please.
18:23Eat and mess.
18:24Oh, God.
18:25I hate eat and mess.
18:26It's my favourite.
18:27Oh, God.
18:28I love an eat and mess.
18:29Everyone pretends they like eat and mess.
18:31No, I'm not pretending.
18:32I love eating mess.
18:33Oh.
18:34Ben starts by getting eggs for the meringue.
18:36Let's get them out of the egg cupboard.
18:37Look at that.
18:38Egg cupboard?
18:39You've got chickens and you don't even have as many eggs as they do.
18:42The whites are separated into a big bowl.
18:44OK.
18:45Yes, that's it.
18:46I've never tried cracking an egg.
18:48I wouldn't want you to try and crack an egg not until you've got your own kitchen.
18:52I've got a bit of shell in there.
18:53Oopsie.
18:54Oh, he's bollocks that up.
18:55Is that annoying?
18:56Oh, not the fingers in the egg.
18:59His fingers just been up his nose or in his tracky bottoms or down his pants.
19:02Pesky shell removed.
19:03He whisks his egg white, adds sugar and then whisks again.
19:08Listen, I don't even know how to make meringue now.
19:11I just bite.
19:12Soft peaks you want.
19:14Stiff peaks.
19:15Or stiff peaks.
19:16I think it's that one.
19:17I don't even know.
19:18106.
19:19I'm going to call my mum.
19:21I can't remember how to use the oven.
19:23OK.
19:24I've never used the oven.
19:25I bet he knows how to use the microwave.
19:27Yeah.
19:28Mum!
19:29Oh, dear.
19:30Mum!
19:31Right, that's on.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Now you need your temperature, yeah?
19:35Yeah.
19:36This is sharpness.
19:37I forgot, Mum.
19:38I forgot.
19:39What do I do again?
19:40Which knob?
19:41I don't know what that is.
19:43Oh, look at them.
19:44What is all this bit, though?
19:46Only one thing for it.
19:47Mum!
19:48Mum!
19:49He's such a teenager.
19:50Yeah, Mum!
19:51He might just have to try a little bit.
19:53Maybe?
19:54Oh, Christy.
19:55Here comes the airplane.
19:57Whee!
19:59Oh, and he's on telly and all.
20:03So this is my star, tomato bruschetta.
20:05Yeah, and it's quite good.
20:06I love this, so hope you all enjoy.
20:09What type of bread is it?
20:10It's just sourdough.
20:11Just sourdough bread from the shop.
20:12He could have got a bit of chia batter to make it more sort of Italian.
20:18Look at you.
20:19Chia batter.
20:20Can I have this if you want?
20:21Go on.
20:22Yeah, go on.
20:23Do you want this as well?
20:24Yeah, go on.
20:25Yo, Ben!
20:27You can't finish your guest's leftovers.
20:30At least take him into the kitchen and finish it.
20:33Yeah.
20:34So the star went down really well.
20:36Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
20:37Oh, Ben's wolfed it down.
20:39Yeah, yeah.
20:40Eat it like a true teenage boy.
20:41He loves a bruschetta.
20:42Five empty plates.
20:43They're only empty, mate, because you emptied them.
20:46Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
20:47It's time to get eaten, Messi.
20:48Right, there's only one way to crush these.
20:51He's fisting them around!
20:55There you go.
20:56Ooh!
20:57This is EMS.
20:58Here we go.
20:59There was meant to be a few raspberries on the side, but I ate them all for lunch.
21:04Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
21:05I go to dinner parties, but I don't host them.
21:08When the fuck do you go to dinner parties like?
21:10When I go at my mum's for tea.
21:12That class is a dinner party.
21:14All I can do is play them back in my mind and think what a nightmare they were.
21:19Well, it was only because the last one you gave, you came in with soily fingers and you'd
21:23twirled roasted nuts round in a bowl in front of the people and then offered them.
21:28And they said, no, Charles, your hands are dirty.
21:30I seem to remember I'd lost my carving knife, so I just pulled the flesh off the bird
21:34and plopped it onto their plates and they weren't very impressed.
21:37No.
21:40He leads.
21:41Right, Izzy, I've got the bodysuit on.
21:43Let's have a look, then.
21:44That I wanted to borrow off you to wear for my Christmas do.
21:48Well, you can have it.
21:49I don't want it back.
21:50Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
21:52Oh, my God.
21:55You can't wear it with no bra.
21:57You've got to wear a bra with it.
21:59You don't take your bra off.
22:01I've realised that.
22:03You've realised that now.
22:05You need a black bra to go under it.
22:07Chuffing.
22:08Ellie loves someone's eye out.
22:10Don't offer much support.
22:12No.
22:13It don't offer any support.
22:15Saggy Maggies are us.
22:17Saggy Maggies on top.
22:19I mean, I didn't feel too bad about my boobs until I put this on.
22:22Bloody hell, you couldn't go out in that, you'd trip over.
22:25This week, reality show royalty was giving it a good go on Disney Plus.
22:31Hello.
22:32Come on, Katsley.
22:33Do you want to see Kim Kardashian attempting to act?
22:36Are you a Kim Kardashian, Dad?
22:38Oh, you mean, look, two hands in the air, yes?
22:40What?
22:41All these women used to work for another practice.
22:44Ah.
22:45But then they thought, no, we'll do our own.
22:46Oh, that's all right.
22:47So it's an all-women lawyer.
22:48Good on you, girls.
22:49You know, for divorcees and all like that.
22:50Yeah.
22:51Oh.
22:52Kim will be finding this the divorce she's had.
22:53Yeah.
22:54That's Kim's husband, Chase.
22:55Looks like she's made an effort.
22:56Oh, yeah.
22:57Yeah, baby, come on.
22:58That's Kim's husband, Chase.
22:59Looks like she's made an effort.
23:00Yeah, baby, come on.
23:01Yeah, baby, come on.
23:05That's Kim's husband, Chase.
23:07Looks like she's made an effort.
23:09Hi.
23:11Hi.
23:12Hello.
23:13Hi.
23:14You're late.
23:15Oh, shit.
23:16What did I forget?
23:17It's our anniversary, isn't it?
23:18God, all these men are always in trouble, aren't they, Mary?
23:21It's our anniversary, Chase.
23:23Fuck me.
23:25Raw.
23:26Baby.
23:27Oh, Jesus.
23:28Not a good one.
23:29Yep.
23:30And the penny drops.
23:31Yep.
23:32Baby, I hate myself.
23:33The fact that he keeps calling a baby makes me up to throw all.
23:36Yeah, and he's just said that he hates himself.
23:38And his trousers are too tight and all.
23:40For not giving you this, this morning.
23:44Oh!
23:45He's crazy.
23:46Cool.
23:47The old forgot-the-anniversary aunt really forgot-the-anniversary
23:51pulls out a little blue box.
23:55Look at the size of that whopper.
23:57Happy anniversary, baby.
23:59From the daddy.
24:01Oh!
24:02Oh!
24:03Oh, God!
24:04I didn't just say that!
24:07Turn it off.
24:12Oh.
24:13Look at him, both hands on her arse.
24:14Bloody hell, Auntie Margaret wouldn't like this.
24:16She'd call it soft-porn.
24:18This is great, this show, isn't it?
24:20Come to daddy.
24:21Miss Allure is not the only one celebrating an anniversary this week.
24:26This is Kim's fancy lawyer office.
24:28Oh, gosh.
24:30To our next client.
24:31Let's review her case, shall we?
24:33Right, what have we got?
24:34What did Danielle do this time?
24:35Milan, you're still taking the bar this spring?
24:37Yes.
24:38Taylor Taylor!
24:39Okay.
24:40Sit in.
24:41You're one of the girls now.
24:42Come on.
24:43That's Milan, that's Kim K's assistant.
24:45Look at that walk.
24:48What?
24:54I can still...
24:55I can still email you...
24:56On me.
24:57No, Whitman, I can still...
25:00Smell you on me.
25:01Oh!
25:02Oh!
25:03Oh!
25:04Oh!
25:05Oh!
25:06Hey, that's her husband!
25:07I'm making your favourite drink.
25:11What's with the overnight bag?
25:13Is there a game I didn't know about?
25:14I think you'd add a stroke if you went against the wall like that, George, with your gym bag.
25:18What, your vest on?
25:19No.
25:21Can we sit down and talk?
25:23Oh, no.
25:24Oh!
25:25He's breaking up with her.
25:32He's definitely put an orange down there or something.
25:35You would, wouldn't you?
25:37Sassy.
25:38Too sassy, right?
25:39Yeah.
25:40A couple of easy peelers down there.
25:42I can't fucking breathe in this perfect house with these perfect paintings.
25:47Oh, I bet this cult's deep.
25:48Because I bet this was what Kanye was saying.
25:51It is a bit much, isn't it?
25:52He wants a bit of clutter, don't he?
25:54Talk to me.
25:55Are you just having a bad day or something?
25:57No, it's a bit more than that, Kim.
25:59I'm sorry, love.
26:00I know.
26:01I'm fucked off.
26:02Come on, Laura.
26:03I'm drowning here with you.
26:04What are you talking about?
26:05You're famous.
26:06What are you talking about?
26:07There's too much of it.
26:09I get it.
26:10You're famous.
26:11What are you talking about?
26:12Next to you, I feel hopelessly and ridiculously small.
26:15That's not on me.
26:16That's on you.
26:17Tell him.
26:18Tell him.
26:19It's obviously because she's a very powerful woman that he feels inferior.
26:22Whereas, you know, for me, I'd just ride the gravy train.
26:26Where's Chase going now?
26:32Oh, oh, oh.
26:33Oh, hello.
26:34Oh, he's come to see her!
26:35Oh!
26:36Oh!
26:37Woo!
26:38Hey, hey!
26:39Come through sexy time!
26:40Don't look, Simon.
26:41It's going to be a hot sexy scene.
26:42Think she knows?
26:43Not yet.
26:44Come back now.
26:45We can lift it up.
26:46We can lift it up.
26:47We can lift it up.
26:48We can lift it up.
26:49We can lift it up.
26:50We can lift it up.
26:51We can lift it up.
26:52We can lift it up.
26:53We can lift it up.
26:54We can lift it up.
26:55We can lift it up.
26:56We can lift it up.
26:57We can.
26:58She's going to make her a missionary now.
26:59Oh!
27:00Oh!
27:01Mmm!
27:02Ross!
27:03This is awkward!
27:05All's fair in love and war.
27:07All's fair in love and war.
27:08Now get your plonker out.
27:10You said the title as well.
27:12Did you see that?
27:13Yeah, very clever writing.
27:14Jesus.
27:15After finding out the identity of Chase's bit on the side...
27:18Milan.
27:19Milan?
27:21Oh, is that angry?
27:22Is that happy?
27:23Is that sad?
27:24Who the fuck is it?
27:25Kim had got changed to go and confront her.
27:28Allura, I worship you and I need you to know that.
27:31I'm fucking kidding!
27:32Why are you having it off with me husband then?
27:34So you did this because you want to be me?
27:37Everybody wants to be you.
27:39I don't want to be her.
27:40Oh, boo-woo!
27:42Get your own husband, you slug!
27:44Allura, I'm...
27:46I'm so sorry.
27:47No, you're not.
27:48What's at the centre of it?
27:50Ask the question.
27:51Question?
27:52What's the question?
27:53I'm not following.
27:54What?
27:55Question?
27:56Is it his?
27:57Is it his?
27:58Is what his?
27:59Oh, she's not having a baby, is she?
28:00Crisis.
28:01And the answer is...
28:02Oh, my God.
28:03Oh, she's not having a baby, is she?
28:04Oh, she's not having a baby, is she?
28:05Crisis.
28:06And the answer is...
28:07Oh, my God.
28:12I'm with child.
28:17Yes.
28:18It is.
28:19Oh, late.
28:20No!
28:21That was the best bit of acting she did.
28:22Yeah.
28:23That was the only good bit.
28:24Her face moved.
28:25Yeah.
28:26Her face moved.
28:27I definitely saw it move.
28:28It did move.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Her eyebrow went like that.
28:31That was fucking terrible, to be fair.
28:32No!
28:33No!
28:34No!
28:35Let's have it right.
28:36It's that bad.
28:37It's good.
28:38No, it's actually that bad.
28:39It's that bad.
28:40It's bad.
28:41It's really bad.
28:42In Blackpool...
28:43You'll never guess what.
28:44What?
28:45Me and Peggy.
28:46We're sat right.
28:47Going through our credit card statement.
28:48We've got a joint credit card account.
28:49Yeah.
28:50Anyway, Peggy's going,
28:51Oh, haven't you spent a lot this month?
28:52Pete and his little sister Sophie.
28:53Oh, you've been to home bargains and all this like that.
28:55I went,
28:56That's not bad.
28:57It's not bad.
28:58It's not bad.
28:59It's not bad.
29:00It's not bad.
29:01It's not bad.
29:02It's bad.
29:03It's not bad.
29:04It's bad.
29:05It's really bad.
29:06In Blackpool...
29:07You'll never guess what.
29:08What?
29:09Me and Paige were sat right,
29:10going through our credit card statement,
29:11because we've got a joint credit card account.
29:12Yeah.
29:13Anyway, Paige is going,
29:14home bargains and all this like that.
29:16I went,
29:17That doesn't make sense.
29:18Anyway,
29:19it turns out,
29:20she's had my card,
29:22and I've had hers.
29:23You've been to home bargains?
29:25Yeah.
29:26Definitely not.
29:27I thought my card had been cloned.
29:29On Friday,
29:31it was the world's richest man
29:33making headlines on the BBC.
29:35What's wrong with you?
29:36They're crispy, aren't they?
29:38What?
29:39These custards.
29:40They're not custards.
29:41It's a pastel donata.
29:43You know I don't like following food,
29:45do you, eh?
29:46The boss of Tesla,
29:48Elon Musk,
29:49has had a record-breaking pay package
29:51agreed by the company's shareholders.
29:53He's got the Midas touch, this man.
29:55Oh, yeah.
29:56Would you snog Elon Musk for a free Tesla?
29:58How long's the snog?
30:00One minute.
30:01Ooh, that's a bit long,
30:02but I'd probably do it for a Tessie.
30:04The deal could be worth nearly one trillion dollars.
30:07What?
30:08One trillion dollars?
30:10That's insane.
30:11That's insane.
30:12That's not real money.
30:14It's one trillion a number like.
30:18Elon Musk arriving in his own style
30:20to thank shareholders for this latest vote of confidence.
30:23Oh, look, he's grooving.
30:25I haven't seen anyone grooving like that since Theresa May.
30:28His dance partner, Optimus.
30:30And those bots are just dancing.
30:32They have no wires.
30:33Is that the robot there?
30:34Throwing sheets?
30:35Yeah.
30:36Oh, darling, that looks like you dancing.
30:37It does, but that's slightly better than me.
30:39Yeah.
30:40It has more rhythm.
30:41It does have more rhythm.
30:42Could these autonomous robots
30:43be the factory workers of the future
30:45and helping hands in our homes?
30:47If that walked in my house
30:49and started doing things,
30:50I'd say, get out, you little fucker.
30:52Honestly, that is not for me.
30:55They're not walking very fast, are they?
30:57No, they're not.
30:58I'm saying nothing nasty about these guys.
31:00They're going to be our overlords soon.
31:02Exactly, yeah, just stay nice with them.
31:04This pay package amounts to one trillion dollars
31:07over a ten-year period.
31:09She's a lot of nuts there, Julie.
31:10I've never known what a trillion looks like.
31:13That's what a trillion looks like.
31:15I mean, there's me getting worried
31:17about the price of gluten-free bread.
31:19He's a fucking trillionaire.
31:21That's one followed by 12 zeros.
31:24That's ridiculous.
31:2512 zeros?
31:26I'd still do people's hair if I had that much money.
31:29Liar, you don't want to do people's hair for money,
31:31as your job now.
31:33It's about the annual output of Switzerland.
31:36So, theoretically, he's earning more than a country.
31:39How could one person get that for his company,
31:42but certain countries ain't even worth that?
31:44This is how the world works now.
31:46This is how it works.
31:47The greedy bastard.
31:49In Leeds...
31:50What are you up to this week, anyway?
31:55Tomorrow, it's tattoo day.
31:57Are you doing it?
31:58I'm doing it.
31:59Do you know what, I'm going to be honest,
32:00I thought you were the chicken now.
32:01Me too.
32:02Still mine.
32:03There's still time.
32:04Best friends Danielle and Daniella.
32:06I may have heard or you may have said in a conversation
32:09that there was a fit tattoo artist there.
32:11There is a fit tattoo artist there.
32:13Right up your street as well.
32:15This week, the pressure was on
32:19with more high-stakes playground games on Netflix.
32:23But there's a kiss on its own.
32:25Yeah.
32:26She's been drinking toilet water.
32:27Yes, she has.
32:28Now, that reminds me, Mary.
32:30I'm going to buy a tracksuit next week.
32:33And I'm hoping to buy it from the central aisle
32:36of a well-known German supermarket.
32:38If you buy a tracksuit, I'll go for part of a tonny.
32:44What I'm trying not to do is binge this.
32:47Yeah.
32:48It does ruin it.
32:49It doesn't say it when you binge it all.
32:50I'm trying to do slowly, slowly, but then you always get
32:53some bastard giving you spoilers.
32:55Yeah.
32:56Welcome to your second game.
32:57Oh, shh.
32:58This is it.
32:59This is it.
33:00Let's mind up.
33:01The game you will be playing is...
33:03Catch.
33:04He's going, yes, I'm good at catch.
33:06I'm good at catch.
33:07Oh, Jesus.
33:08I am.
33:09You're good at everything, Sian.
33:11If this is about catching and you're involved, I'm stressed.
33:15Well, I'm obviously not the best catcher in the world.
33:18I've seen you catch.
33:19I've seen you throw.
33:20It gave me the ick.
33:21A thrower will stand on the centre spot
33:24and throw the ball to someone at the front of one of the lines.
33:27It sounds too simple, really.
33:28It can't be that easy.
33:29That's straightforward.
33:30You want to be at the front of this game to catch the ball.
33:33100%.
33:34And it's closest and you're guaranteed to go through.
33:36Yeah.
33:37If the ball is dropped, both the thrower and the catcher will be eliminated.
33:44Oh.
33:45Oh, fuming.
33:47So you can't just do a shit throw.
33:50Because you both are out.
33:52I want to throw something out.
33:53This is going to be a little crazy.
33:54Okay.
33:55I'm ready for that.
33:56Let's listen to your crazy idea.
33:58The one throwing it is going to be judging who's going to catch it.
34:01They're going to judge Mark a lot.
34:03Why are you picking on Mark?
34:068272.
34:07That's rude.
34:08What the fuck have I done?
34:10So they're going to judge Mark harsher than the rest of us.
34:13What?
34:14Why is he saying that?
34:15I don't know.
34:16That is ruthless.
34:17Just singling him out because of the way he looks.
34:20People judge you, Mark.
34:21And if they judge you and they say, hey, we're not going to throw to you, then everybody
34:26behind you, including you, is going to be safe.
34:29Oh.
34:30So he's saying no one's going to think he can catch.
34:33Yeah.
34:34So everyone behind him is safe, so let's put him up top.
34:37That's really mean.
34:39I kind of like it, but it's fucking mean.
34:42Yeah.
34:46Oh, he's upset.
34:48Oh, he's crying.
34:49And it's all because of 272.
34:51Let the game begin.
34:53OK.
34:54So who does she throw it to now?
34:56Somebody in the front of the queue.
34:57You got this.
34:58I'm just going to lob it to you, OK?
35:00Yeah, go for it.
35:01You should be able to catch that.
35:02Come on.
35:03Absolutely.
35:04Nice easy throw.
35:05If you don't get that, then you're bloody useless.
35:07OK, ready?
35:09Lovely.
35:10Well done.
35:11Nice work.
35:12Easy peasy.
35:13So does that mean he's the thrower now?
35:15Oh, it's easy, this.
35:16Not very far, is it?
35:17Even though I think I could manage that, Laura.
35:18Are you a good catcher?
35:19I can catch.
35:20272.
35:21He was the one who was horrible to Mark, wasn't he?
35:22Please drop it.
35:23I want 272 to be eliminated now.
35:24Eliminate him now.
35:25Oh, yeah, man.
35:26This is going to be sick.
35:27It's like I caught it already.
35:28Ready?
35:29He's got to go the whole way down the blue.
35:30Oh, it's far, darling.
35:31It's far?
35:32That is far.
35:33Overarm?
35:34What are you doing?
35:35Underarm, OK?
35:36It's got to be underarm.
35:37Oh!
35:38Oh!
35:39Oh!
35:40Oh!
35:41Oh!
35:42Oh!
35:43Oh!
35:44Oh!
35:45Oh!
35:46Oh!
35:47Oh!
35:48Oh!
35:49Oh!
35:50Oh!
35:51Oh!
35:52Oh!
35:53Oh!
35:54Oh!
35:55Oh!
35:56Oh!
35:57Whoa!
35:58He's just dropped the goods.
35:59That is karma.
36:00Served.
36:01Cold.
36:02Yeah.
36:03Oh!
36:04I love that bit.
36:06I don't know why it shocks me when they get shot.
36:08I know.
36:09Every time it happens.
36:10Oh, God, it's Mark.
36:15Oh, it is Mark.
36:16I will be guessing.
36:17Oh, I'm mean.
36:18You think you've got it, Mark.
36:19100%.
36:20I'm going to catch the ball.
36:22I know TV.
36:23They built this moment up for this moment.
36:25this moment he's got this you got it i got this i know you do jeez you make it a little bit more
36:31nervous are you sure she's making me nervous three oh it's a shit throw oh that's a bit short step
36:41forward step forward oh no get it get it mark get it mark has he got it left oh mark oh
36:53hit a brick he dropped it no she's not no i'm so sorry i'm so sorry oh he's so apologetic look
37:12he does a good dead though he does the man can die very well that was a good dad that man that was
37:18amazing yeah like he can't catch for shit but he can act
37:31in edinburgh what do you think of my hair well i was going to say you've had your hair cut it's
37:35quite short it's not cut it's been scalped sister susie and rosie did he ask or did he just do oh
37:43he just did he never asked and the thing is he won't let me wear my glasses so you can't see no i
37:48can't see so he just cuts and cuts and we're chatting away and i never know and then suddenly
37:53at the end and what did you say i said it was lovely on monday the bbc was making the headlines on itv news
38:06what did you do that for i think that was a mistake mary i was trying to kick it off i always forget about
38:11the news over at weekend as well it's like monday's a bit of a reset to find out what's going on with
38:16the world what's happened over weekend since we've been gallivanting the chair of the bbc has apologized
38:22for an error of judgment within the organization over the editing of a documentary about donald trump
38:31i heard about this on bbc radio 2 this morning on their news program but then what's funny is it's
38:39when the bbc's got a scandal and the bbc news reports on it director general tim davy and head
38:44of news debra turness both stepped down last night you know when they say heads should roll
38:50well that's a very very actually have rolled very big heads that have rolled after criticism that the
38:55panorama program misled viewers by editing a speech made by the u.s president panorama as well yeah which
39:03is a national institution that's a go-to for solid news yeah they're gonna do a panorama about this
39:09panorama yeah panorama about panorama man pana panorama a panorama program about donald trump
39:16edited together two parts of his speech in 2021 here's a scene of the crime feathers that was spoken
39:22nearly an hour apart oh oh actually that's not great is it this is what they used we're gonna walk
39:29down to the capital and i'll be there with you oh wow and we fight we fight like hell and if you
39:38don't fight like hell you're not gonna have a country anymore that sounds like something trump
39:43would say 100 and this is what he actually said what did he actually say what did he actually say
39:50here we're gonna walk down to the capital now that's where he stops you see stop so we're not
39:56going to go and fight no what did he say and we're gonna cheer on our brave senators and congressmen
40:05and women all panorama thinking yeah because i can imagine if you want to shed donald trump in a bad
40:13light there's enough actual footage out there yeah why do this the u.s president wrote last night
40:20the top people in the bbc including tim davy the boss are all quitting fired because they were
40:26caught doctoring my very good perfect speech of january 6th i love that in brackets perfect
40:33exclamation mark close brackets i mean it's kind of a flex to be personally named by the president of the
40:40united states yeah no matter what the circumstances but still you know the pair of them had to lose their jobs
40:50and later this happened but everything's a bit somber in the bbc news room everyone's on eggshells
40:58good evening the bbc is tonight being threatened with a billion dollar legal action by donald trump
41:04billion dollar you know that's us that's our money oh god who says he might sue the corporation
41:11over the editing of a speech put out in a panorama program last year that could ruin them financially
41:17not here and ruin our lives we don't want the bbc shop down he does it everywhere donald if if he
41:23gets anything anyone he threatens to sue him his hour makes a lot of money they might go and start
41:27seizing goods yeah you know greg james's microphone seized queen vic flogged yeah imagine oh the last
41:36east end has duff duff been played yeah strictly's had the disco ball taken and there's no more fake
41:42tan gone blackpool week that's gone down the ship pan not the budget for that now all i'm saying is
41:48is you know when you think you're having a bad day
41:54hey i thought about you yesterday jen at wednesday market oh did you i got you a present that's a belt
42:00best friends jenny and lee that's no good for me look at the size of it
42:05well i thought it would be it looks more like a bloody dog collar than a belt no it was bells just
42:10all said belts
42:15what it's a freaking dog harness
42:19on monday night it was business as usual with the cops and robbers on channel five
42:25this is the program where they hardly ever catch anyone isn't it yes i had to intercept
42:29train the fridge the other day god i just caught him in time whack and bang the fridge door real quick
42:35well you've had enough you've had enough now
42:43i would like to do an advanced driving course i actually would you need one because you're a
42:47shocking driver mid-afternoon on the motorway and drivers have no idea what's motoring up behind them
42:54they said the one-liners are awful isn't it i swear you write into him
43:02cops are racing in numbers to try and reach a suspected stolen car oh here we go the car
43:07thereafter was allegedly stolen by a gang wielding machetes oh wielding machetes
43:14could get a bit tasty this self it could luckily the national police air service has swooped in to
43:20keep tabs on the target the birds on them the birds on them they plan to box in the beamer with
43:25multiple armed response vehicles oh the boxing in tactic i love this yeah i need to let's go between
43:31lanes one and two back to one i will give him that it is quite smooth the changing of lanes and they did
43:38indicate which you can't be done for that yeah it's committed committed m6 oh god don't go on the m6 you
43:47fucked it now terrible idea worst idea do you know what pack up a bus stop and just get out a marked
43:53car is neck and neck with their target at 130 miles an hour good golly miss molly that is terrifying
44:01my van couldn't do that struggles it's 70 and at last they have the requisite three behind and one in
44:08front three behind one in front that sounds like a good weekend to me but with traffic at a standstill ahead
44:14oh yes come on static static yeah oh they've got him it's busy finally a bit of traffic you've not had
44:23any of that i was questioning whether or not it was a uk road close up close up this is a good time to
44:30box here box here no but it's too late oh very crappy wow embarrassing jesus christ he's a bugger
44:41isn't he you see you should never leave gaps when there's traffic like that because every bloody
44:46arsehole speeds down and jumps in okay it's now racing down the hard shoulder with just one car in
44:52pursuit but he's not going to be able to pull off anywhere is he no have you ever been pulled off on the
44:58motorway what air support can see but the runaway can't is a broken down lorry on the hard shoulder ahead
45:07oh wonderful perfect yeah that's what they're looking there and the driver slams on the anchors
45:15coming to a stop with inches to spare oh static vehicle oh bon appetit finished now he ain't going
45:24nowhere it should be game over no look he's going to go through that gap that's it tactical contact and this
45:34time he's done yes they've got him they've got him yes it's over surely
45:41get out of the vehicle get out of the vehicle
45:44drag him out window oh do you know what there was a small apartment rooting for the x3 me too a little
45:49bit but they've got machetes daniella oh they've got him he's on the ground oh let us see their faces
45:58how old are you 16 16 16 what the same age as my son i swear to god send him to me bring him come
46:10bring him come to me yeah i remember when i was 16 just uh done my gcse first thing i did was steal a
46:17car yeah you couldn't even ride a bike you can stream come down with me teens right now not
46:32streaming now come tidy up after yourselves teens not in my house anyway getting away from it all will
46:38simmer and erupt from the best seller summer water begins sunday evening at nine speaking of best sellers
46:44richard osmond joins the last leg next
Be the first to comment
Add your comment