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00:01The following programme contains strong language.
00:10Jamali!
00:12What's this shit?
00:14I splashed out, mate. Booked all of five.
00:17You've got abscess, now I don't get a seat. Is this shit?
00:20Don't worry, we've built you a Jamali extension.
00:23Oh, wow.
00:25Ooh.
00:26Hooray!
00:32300 people watching a desk being built.
00:36I feel like we've missed a trick, because Jesus is here,
00:39and he's a carpenter, he could've fucking...
00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:05Welcome!
01:06Welcome to Nevermind the Buzzcocks.
01:09What is Nevermind the Buzzcocks?
01:11I'll tell you.
01:12It's a fat old man, a bony goth, a heavily pregnant northern woman,
01:15and a reformed pussyhound.
01:17Let's...
01:21Let's talk music!
01:25Joining Jamali on Noel's team.
01:27It's one of the greatest boy bands this country has ever produced,
01:30and the stag party you pray won't be sitting next to you
01:33when you get into the departure gate.
01:35It's all of five!
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43And on Sophie Willans' team tonight,
01:45there's so much we can say about this singer.
01:47He's a lovely man.
01:48He represented us beautifully at the 2022 Eurovision Song Contest.
01:52An incredible voice.
01:53An angel of a man.
01:54But I'm going to nail my colours to the mast and say it,
01:57cos no-one else is brave enough to...
01:59He looks like an Afghan hound.
02:02LAUGHTER
02:04It's Sam Ryder!
02:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:11And also, on Sophie's team, to quote our next guest,
02:15Feel the rain on your skin, only you can let it in.
02:18I've got bad news for you.
02:20Skin is there to keep water out.
02:22It's Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter
02:24and soggy human sponge.
02:26NATASHA MEDDINGFIELD!
02:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:36What a line-up.
02:37Hello, Five.
02:38Hello.
02:39Hello, Greg.
02:40Now, obviously, I'm a massive Five fan,
02:41but maybe not everybody knows your names,
02:43not everyone's as cool as me,
02:44so I'm going to ask you to introduce yourself, please.
02:46So here is the official Five intro.
02:49Hi, I'm Scott.
02:50I'm Richie.
02:51I'm Abs.
02:52I'm Sian.
02:53I'm Jay.
02:54And together we are...
02:55Five bad boys with a power to rock you.
02:57Blowing your minds, so you've got to get into.
02:59Five, what you waiting for?
03:01If you want a three, three, two, two, one.
03:03Let's do it!
03:04Bring it up!
03:05Bring it up!
03:06Bring it up!
03:11Are you five bad boys with a power to rock us?
03:13Sometimes.
03:14Yes.
03:15You seem like lovely boys to me.
03:16There's been a few insolences.
03:17Now you've had our moments.
03:18It's going to be difficult having all five here,
03:20so I'm introducing the five conch.
03:24So unless you've got the five conch,
03:26you can't speak, otherwise it's going to be chaos.
03:29Why have you given it to him?
03:30He never shuts off.
03:31I don't need this, mate.
03:33I don't think they're going to follow the conch rules.
03:35Have you got the conch?
03:36Have you got the conch, me quiet?
03:38He's allowed to speak to everyone.
03:40She's been stuck on the end of the table.
03:42That is our table.
03:43I'm not even on Nevermind the Buzzcoach.
03:44I'm on Taskmaster over here, brother.
03:46I've got a different show.
03:48Sam Ryder, everyone!
03:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:53Have you ever been a bad boy, Sam?
03:55You seem to me to be the nicest man in music.
03:58I quite would like to join five.
04:00OK.
04:01Sam, you do join five.
04:02What are you going to be called?
04:03Six.
04:04Six?
04:05Six.
04:06Yeah.
04:07Hasn't got the same ring to it, has it?
04:08Yeah.
04:09It hasn't.
04:10What happened on the train on the way to Glastonbury, Sam?
04:13Right.
04:14So, invited some people to come down, meet me in carriage, Jay.
04:18Sing on the way to Glastonbury.
04:20Some people didn't even have tickets to go to Glastonbury.
04:22They just went on the train.
04:23And I can see by the look on your face that you're asking me this
04:27because that would be the hell of your earth, wouldn't it?
04:30No, it wouldn't be the hell of my earth, Sam.
04:32I don't know why I said it that way.
04:33Have a look at Sam singing on the train on the way to Glastonbury.
04:36It's simply adorable.
04:38And I said, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:43Hey, yeah, yeah.
04:45Thank God.
04:46I said, hey.
04:47I feel like we're friends now.
04:48What's going on?
04:50Oh, isn't it?
04:51Why were you singing?
04:52Something to do with some green initiative.
04:53Yes, yeah, yeah.
04:54Artists travelling to Glastonbury, just getting on the train, basically.
04:59Oh, Sam, you're bloody adorable, mate.
05:03I read this thing that your partner looked at all the comments after that video on YouTube and just shut the laptop and went, don't look at the comments.
05:12People are so mean, aren't they?
05:13Yeah.
05:14Mate, it is a dark world.
05:15It's a dark world.
05:16It's a dark world.
05:17It's Natasha Benningfield.
05:18Hello.
05:19Hello.
05:20Natasha, welcome.
05:21You all right?
05:22Yeah.
05:23You live in America.
05:24What are you doing here?
05:25I've been touring mostly right now.
05:26I've just been travelling, so it doesn't feel like I live in America, but I do live in New York.
05:29Do you?
05:30And, yeah, it's fun.
05:31And you have got a child.
05:32I have a child who is seven.
05:33Sophie, have you not looked for some advice, seen as your, and I think this is appropriate, knocked up?
05:42Yeah, knocked off.
05:43Yeah.
05:44I just know that when I was as pregnant as you, I was trying to hide it because I thought my career would be over.
05:50I've had to embrace it because I've been such a .
05:53I've had to embrace it because I've been such a .
06:00I promise I wouldn't start.
06:02I don't think you should be a mother.
06:07Tell me about your Rod Stewart dream.
06:12For some reason I had a weird dream about him, and in the dream I was naked.
06:16And I was in a cab, and I woke up, I took the dream off, and then I got a call from my management saying he was asking me to go home.
06:22Tour with him to open for him.
06:24Wow.
06:25Yeah.
06:26That's how he lures you in.
06:27Yeah.
06:28Freddy Krueger, man, he jumps in your dreams, man.
06:31He ruffled my hair when I was a kid.
06:34What?
06:35Rod Stewart.
06:36What?
06:37Yeah.
06:38My mum to this day says you've been touched by the hand of Rod.
06:41It was like a, it was a nice, there was nothing pedo about it.
06:47Hang on.
06:49I don't think anyone was suggesting there was anything pedo about it.
06:53Let's crack on with the show.
06:58Alright, the first question is for Sophie's team.
07:00Your question is all about these music legends.
07:02Take a look at this.
07:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
07:08Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.
07:19That was the three Saturday girls in your local Pandora, the Bee Gees.
07:30But can you tell me which of the Bee Gees brothers had a strange hobby?
07:34Was it A. Morris Gibb was a fanatical paintballer.
07:38He opened his own paintball equipment shop,
07:40he had his own team called the Royal Rat Rangers,
07:43and he called himself Commander Mo.
07:45He said,
07:46My favourite shower of the week is when I finish playing,
07:49I'm just in another world, and it's so relaxed.
07:51It makes me feel young and alive.
07:54Or was it B.
07:55In the 1970s, Robin Gibb used to sell a tape pubic hairs.
07:59Oh, that's horrible.
08:02In the 1970s, Robin Gibb used to sell a tape pubic hairs
08:05from everyone he'd slept with into a scrapbook.
08:08When his housekeeper found the book
08:10and asked why he was collecting eyebrows,
08:13he leaned forward, he took a deep sniff of the page,
08:16and he said,
08:17Do they smell like eyebrows to you, Josefina?
08:20Now, baby, RG collects first.
08:28Or was it C.
08:29In 1997, Barry Gibb broke the Guinness World Record
08:32for the largest collection of shisha pipes.
08:34Speaking about his obsession, he said,
08:36I just love the shape.
08:38It's like a tall, sexy woman wearing a big hat,
08:40AKA the ultimate dream.
08:43So, incredibly, Sophie's team,
08:45one of those is true.
08:47Are you Bee Gees fans?
08:48I'm a huge Bee Gees fan.
08:50I love...
08:51They used to write all the pop songs.
08:52Like, they were an amazing pop group.
08:54Barry Gibb's a genius.
08:55Yeah, he's great, yeah.
08:56I mean, he looks mad, but he's brilliant.
08:58Shagged in a TARDIS.
09:00He did shag in the TARDIS.
09:01Didn't he?
09:02What a legend.
09:03It must have looked enormous in there.
09:05What a legend.
09:06That deserved more from Jay.
09:07What did he say?
09:08He said,
09:09It must have looked enormous in there.
09:16Is it hard to sing like a Bee Gees?
09:18I'm going to ask the singers here.
09:19No offence, Lutz.
09:24That was out of order.
09:25That was out of order.
09:26That was naughty girl.
09:27That is a low blow.
09:28Very, very naughty.
09:29Go on, then.
09:30Sing like a Bee Gees.
09:31Ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:32I'm a woman's man.
09:33No time to talk.
09:35Ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:37Still alive.
09:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:42Wow.
09:43Well, that is an unexpected erection.
09:48Should we get a bit of a competition going?
09:52You'll give us a bit of Bee Gees, Sam, won't you?
09:54Shit.
09:55Woo!
09:56That was great, Lutz.
09:57You can't top that, Sam.
09:58I can't.
09:59I think that was actually class.
10:00Yeah.
10:01I'm annoyed that we've got to do it now.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Sam, this is now your audition to join five.
10:05Yeah.
10:06Right.
10:07Staying alive.
10:08Yeah.
10:09Yeah, I can tell by the way I use my walk on my warmest land.
10:15No time to talk.
10:16Music loud with me warm.
10:17I've been kicked around since I was born and now it's all right.
10:19Come on, Jamali.
10:20You can't.
10:21You can't.
10:22You can't.
10:23You can't look the other way.
10:24You can't try to understand.
10:25But you're not trying to affect the man.
10:26Whether you're alive or anything.
10:27Whether you're alive or anything.
10:28You're staying alive.
10:29Staying alive.
10:30You're staying alive.
10:31I can't try to understand the New York Times of Bethlehem
10:35Whether you're a lover or a man or you're a lover or you're a lover or you're a stayin' alive
10:39Jesus!
10:40Well, then I'm thinking that everybody's thinking you're a stayin' alive, stayin' alive
10:45I'm going ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
10:50Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive
11:01Woo! There we go!
11:08Imagine if Barry Gibb just turns on the telly at that exact moment and sees that
11:14In his TARDIS
11:15Yes
11:16OK, what do you reckon?
11:18Do you think Maurice Gibb was a paintballer?
11:20Do they have paintball back then? That's why I'm not sure about the paintball thing
11:23Feels a new thing, doesn't it?
11:25I feel like they definitely had shisha pipes back then
11:28Do you?
11:29Jamali, have you paintballed?
11:30My first job was I was a paintball referee.
11:32Shut up.
11:34One time I got shot in my ball and it went in my mask, in my face.
11:38You got shot in your ball?
11:39Not balls, ball.
11:41Like it was such a pinpoint accurate shot of my ball bag.
11:46Oh, I thought you got shot in your ball and your ball went into your...
11:52How dangling your balls were, that could be a possibility for you?
11:55Mate, I'm 57, they're not even in this room.
12:00Hey, listen, we're talking about strange hobbies.
12:04Jay has got a great hobby.
12:07Oh.
12:08Jay's new hobby is thrusting.
12:10Oh, yes, it is.
12:11Yes, it is.
12:12Have a look.
12:13That's why I'm easy.
12:20Easy like someone.
12:24Christ, I would love to do that, but I'd dislocate my pelvis.
12:38Should we get back to the question?
12:40Yeah.
12:41Robin Gibb was collecting pubic hair, do you think?
12:45It feels horrible.
12:46It feels very sleazy, yeah.
12:47He had another hobby that might give you a flavour of who he was.
12:50From the age of eight, Robin Gibb's hobby was to start fires around Manchester.
12:54What?
12:57Genuinely, this is not made up.
13:00When he was asked about it in an interview, Robin said this.
13:02I used to go around and light fires on golf courses and a few dream homes too, perhaps.
13:07Quite cheeky.
13:08Perhaps.
13:09It was done with a lot of love and respect.
13:12It was just a hobby.
13:13Wow.
13:14What?
13:15I think he might be a serial killer, actually.
13:17Genuinely.
13:18What sort of a man is Barry, do you think?
13:20Oh, Barry.
13:21Have you got any facts on him?
13:23I've got a fact for you, all right?
13:24Yeah.
13:25In a photography session for Barry Gibb, it nearly didn't happen because his brothers refused
13:30to enter the room until it was exactly 20 degrees, otherwise Barry's hair would wilt.
13:38That's great.
13:39Shall we make a decision?
13:40You said C.
13:41I think C.
13:42Have you got anything to back that up?
13:44With the other ones, he was laughing so much that I just think he was lying.
13:47C feels possible, doesn't it?
13:49You think Barry Gibb had a load of shisha pipes?
13:52Yes.
13:53No, actually, what about the sellotape?
13:56Because he's odd, isn't he?
13:57He's an arsonist already.
13:58He's not collecting pubes.
13:59Who does?
14:00Is he not?
14:01Who does that?
14:02Have you ever met?
14:03Sam is absolutely sure about this.
14:04He's not collecting pubes.
14:05There's no way.
14:06There's no way.
14:07Come on, let's pick.
14:08Well, the only one that's an actual hobby is paintballing.
14:10I thought you were going to say pubes.
14:11No, no.
14:13Paintballing.
14:14A.
14:15The answer is A!
14:17Woo!
14:18No way!
14:19Boris Gibb was massively into paintballing.
14:22Here's the proof.
14:23Have a look.
14:27Morris said the greatest natural high is going on stage and performing, recording, writing
14:31the songs, and then releasing it to the world.
14:33It's the same kind of ferocious with paintballing.
14:36It's exciting and safe and fun.
14:38Well done, Sammy Steve!
14:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:41One more.
14:42That is it.
14:43That is it.
14:44OK.
14:45Noel's team, take a look at this.
14:47That was your classmate whose mum's surprised by how many people had written wanker on his
14:50school leaving shirt.
14:51school leaving shirt.
14:52LAUGHTER
14:54JK from Jamiroquai.
14:55Jamiroquai.
14:56But can you tell me which rocker drove him to...
14:58VIRTUALLY AND CERREATING
15:03On board a long-haul flight to Australia?
15:04Was it?
15:05A. JK was furious because he was sat next to Johnny Rotten, who was doing unforgivably
15:10wrong.
15:11That was your classmate whose mum's surprised by how many people had written wanker on his
15:15school leaving shirt.
15:16LAUGHTER
15:18JK from Jamiroquai.
15:19But can you tell me which rocker drove him to...
15:25VIRTUALLY AND CERREATING
15:27On board a long-haul flight to Australia?
15:29Was it?
15:30A. JK was furious because he was sat next to Johnny Rotten, who was doing unforgivably
15:34rotten farts.
15:35JK whined in an interview.
15:37He's a fucking nuisance.
15:39It was totally foul.
15:40He kept saying, oh, that wasn't me.
15:42Or, that meal smells a bit off, don't you think?
15:45JK said, they ban smoking in the air.
15:48They should ban farting.
15:50That was a weird JK impression, wasn't it?
15:54I liked it.
15:55It's kind of went everywhere, all the regions.
15:57Does he speak at me like that?
15:58No.
15:59Oh, I thought you were doing JK Rowling.
16:01That makes more sense.
16:02LAUGHTER
16:08Or was it B, Dougie from McFly felt the full force of Jay's rage after he got his finger
16:13skateboard stuck in JK's hair.
16:16Dougie said, I was using the back of his chair to do a disco flip into a pop shove-it,
16:20but we hit a patch of turbulence and I lost control of my hand.
16:23We were lucky that Tom had some scissors hidden in his socks.
16:26LAUGHTER
16:28Was it C, Blink 182's Tom DeLonge tested JK's patience when he started waxing his chest.
16:34JK said, before every strip, he kept saying, please, Mummy, no.
16:38Thank God I wear such big hats.
16:40I just pulled it over my ears.
16:42We didn't speak again until we were over Cairo.
16:44LAUGHTER
16:45Natasha, someone tried to get you in the My High Club, is that right?
16:48Somebody asked me to join it and I didn't realise till Alfred got off the flight what it meant.
16:53Oh.
16:54So I was like, yeah, I've been thinking of joining it sometime.
16:57LAUGHTER
16:58I can't imagine even attempting the My High Club being my size.
17:02LAUGHTER
17:03I find it hard enough having a shit in those toilets.
17:05Yeah, it's hard.
17:06Yeah.
17:07But I do.
17:09LAUGHTER
17:11Do five fly together?
17:13Yeah, yeah.
17:14Like geese migrating.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:18Do you know what, I don't like it as much now, cos they don't check me when I'm checking in.
17:29And I'm like, this is, this is the look.
17:31LAUGHTER
17:33It makes me feel uncomfortable.
17:34I'm like, you sure you don't want to look on his back?
17:36Nah, I'm through, I don't.
17:37LAUGHTER
17:39What, you're encouraging them to be especially...
17:41Yeah, but who are we looking for then?
17:43LAUGHTER
17:44Sophie, you like fly?
17:47I don't mind it, but normally I do get pissed.
17:49But the last fly, I just found out I was pregnant and I went at half term,
17:54which was horrific.
17:55I nearly got off to have an abortion.
17:57LAUGHTER
17:59It was genuine, like...
18:01LAUGHTER
18:02Fuck me.
18:03LAUGHTER
18:05LAUGHTER
18:06Yeah.
18:07Shouldn't be a mother.
18:09LAUGHTER
18:11OK.
18:12What do you think?
18:13Have a look.
18:14We've got to pick one of these.
18:15Did McFly get a finger skateboard stuck in JK's hair?
18:19B feels like made up.
18:21How would they have gone to his hair?
18:23Cos he's always got that fucking idiotic hat on.
18:25Which would, which would make you go for C,
18:27because if he's pulled the hat down and gone to sleep,
18:30I don't think he'd be as offended by a fart.
18:33I reckon punks take a lot of cheap whiz than I reckon your farts.
18:37LAUGHTER
18:38Terrible fart.
18:39I've sat next to a few punks in Camden and their farts were rancid.
18:44LAUGHTER
18:45I'm going to go with Johnny Rotten.
18:47Yeah.
18:48Farting like a trooper.
18:50LAUGHTER
18:51It's A.
18:52Yeah!
18:53The answer is A!
18:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:56JK accused Johnny Rotten of farting his way
18:59through a long-haul flight to Australia.
19:01Well, the Knowles team, a point to you!
19:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:06Time for a break.
19:09One of Natasha's biggest hits is unwritten
19:11and I've taken inspiration from her book.
19:13I'm going to improvise this link to break.
19:15Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
19:17Adverts.
19:18APPLAUSE
19:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:21AND APPLAUSE
19:23AND APPLAUSE
19:24AND APPLAUSE
19:26AND APPLAUSE
19:27AND APPLAUSE
19:28AND APPLAUSE
19:29AND APPLAUSE
19:30Welcome back to Number Mind of Buzzcocks.
19:32Hosted by me, in many ways, a male Enya.
19:35Next up is the intros round.
19:40Sophie and Sam, it's your turn to start.
19:42Right.
19:43You will be performing to Natasha.
19:44Fabulous.
19:45Am I Simon Cowell right now?
19:47You've got to guess the song.
19:48Don't critique it.
19:50HEICised
19:51HEist
19:52IN
20:09COME
20:10AND APPLAUSE
20:11KID
20:12AND APPLAUSE
20:13AND APPLAUSE
20:15It was that good.
20:17Yeah, thank you.
20:19I don't know what came over me.
20:20I'll tell you what, if it got J-thrusted,
20:22it must have been good to Natasha.
20:24I had no idea, sorry.
20:25OK, I'm going to pass it over.
20:26The title of the song is...
20:28Sexy Boy.
20:29You are right!
20:31Yes!
20:32Come on!
20:34It was Sexy Boy by Air,
20:36and here's how it should have sounded.
20:39Oh, that was good.
20:43That's really good.
20:45That was Air with Sexy Boy,
20:50as opposed to me,
20:51a Sexy Boy with Air, that's right.
20:52You can play me like a bagpire, play this.
20:54CROWD CHAPTERING
21:00Song two.
21:01This has got a kind of like, more, haven't it?
21:04OK, one.
21:05Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
21:14Please, Natasha.
21:16Looks like an episode of Fragile Rocks.
21:18Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
21:20You know, right?
21:21Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
21:24Come on, Natasha, it's the title of the song.
21:26Phenomena. Do-do-do-do-do-do.
21:28LAUGHTER
21:32I don't know it, sorry.
21:34We know. I just can't get enough.
21:36No. What?
21:38You're both wrong! It was Just A Little Bit by Gina G.
21:41Yes!
21:42Here's how it should have sounded.
21:43Yeah, I shouldn't be in this role.
21:50I'm so glad I'm...
21:51Yeah, I'm in the summer.
21:58Hard luck, Sophie's team.
22:00No points at all.
22:04All right, Noel's team, this is a big moment.
22:08Five are about to become six.
22:10Who'd have thought we'd see five being joined by Fidel Castro?
22:21All right, then.
22:22The first ever performance of six.
22:25Noel, get ready.
22:27Three, two, one.
22:28That's my job, by the way.
22:29I know, I know, I know.
22:31I know, I know.
22:33That's it. Never give me a chance of the punch.
22:36That's it.
22:38The tour's off.
22:39One, two, three, go.
22:45Oh, my God.
23:02So good!
23:03It's fucking incredible.
23:05I don't know.
23:11It is absolutely scandalous if you don't get that,
23:14especially after that performance.
23:16I don't know what it is, but I love it.
23:17I do. It's...
23:19Fuck, what is it?
23:21I'm happy, hope you're happy too.
23:23What's the title of the song?
23:25Da-da-da-da...
23:26Ashes to Ashes.
23:28Hooray!
23:30You pulled it out of the car!
23:32Yes, mate!
23:33It was Ashes to Ashes by David Bowie.
23:35Here's how it should have sounded.
23:48So good.
23:50That was David Bowie with Ashes to Ashes,
23:52which includes the lyrics,
23:53We know Major Tom's a junkie.
23:55No mention of the worst thing that happened to him, though,
23:57having to do endless laps of that garden,
23:59and then his daughter buying a sparkle.
24:03OK, next song, please.
24:05Count me in, Jamali.
24:06It's your job.
24:07All right.
24:08Now it's been patronised.
24:12Take charge of the country, Fidel.
24:15Not easy within.
24:16All right.
24:17One, two, three, go.
24:19Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now
24:49So good.
24:51Noel, surely.
24:53I know, I feel like I've had a stroke.
24:55I'm so sorry.
24:57I'm going to pass it over.
24:59Get on up when you're down.
25:01I don't want to be a stickler for the rules,
25:03but I'll thank you for the title of the song.
25:05Oh, fuck it, Doc.
25:07Get down.
25:09Get on up when you're down.
25:11Moving on anyway.
25:13Moving on when the rainy days are dying.
25:15Gotta keep on, keep on flying.
25:17Keep on moving.
25:19What's the song called?
25:21Keep on moving.
25:23Hooray!
25:25Get on up when you're down.
25:27Keep on moving.
25:29Keep on moving.
25:31Keep on moving.
25:33What's the song called?
25:35Keep on moving.
25:37Hooray!
25:39Hooray!
25:41Hooray!
25:43Hooray!
25:45Hooray!
25:46It was five.
25:48Keep on moving.
25:50Here's how it should have sounded.
25:52I nearly went into labour then, but that's the most fun I've had in months.
26:10And at the end of that round, Sophie's team have two points and Noel's team have three points.
26:16Time for a break.
26:20I'll be back in five, all of them.
26:22And out again, and then back in again.
26:24I'm gonna be in like a bloody sewing machine.
26:26Oh my God, I'm horny.
26:28Welcome back to Nevermind the Buzzcocks, where me and five have all been getting down.
26:32Ironically, I couldn't get back up.
26:34Okay.
26:36Our next round is called ID Parade, where our panel have to identify a pop star from yesteryear.
26:38Sophie's team, here's your line-up.
26:40For the audience at home, take a look at this.
26:42I've noticed you around.
26:44I find you very attractive.
26:46Would you, um...
26:48Would you, um...
26:50I'm not getting down.
26:52I'm getting down.
26:53I'm getting down.
26:54I'm getting down.
26:55Ironically, I couldn't get back up.
26:56Okay.
26:57Our next round is called ID Parade, where our panel have to identify a pop star from yesteryear.
27:00Sophie's team, here's your line-up.
27:02For the audience at home, take a look at this.
27:04I've noticed you around.
27:06Um...
27:07I find you very attractive.
27:09Would you, um...
27:12APPLAUSE
27:16It's a tune, isn't it?
27:20You've all forgotten.
27:21That was Touch and Go with Would You.
27:23But can you tell me which of our line-up is Vanessa Lancaster from the track?
27:28Is it...
27:29Number one, Touch and Go.
27:31Number two, Touchdown.
27:33Number three, Touch and Cloth.
27:35Number four, ooh, touching.
27:38Or number five,
27:40Touch me.
27:42It's so easy to leave me.
27:46All along with my memory.
27:50Of my days in the sun.
27:53APPLAUSE
27:55Who do you think?
27:56Have a look.
27:57Yeah.
27:58Number two looks fuming.
27:59Oh, she smells a bad smell.
28:00Johnny Rotten.
28:01Yeah, could be.
28:02Number five was smiling as if when the track was playing, like, yeah, that's me.
28:04Could be her, yeah.
28:05Yeah.
28:06I feel like number three and number four look like amazing performers.
28:07I think number four looks like she's planning to take over the world.
28:08Number three looks like she's always on Insta Live with her glass of wine talking about how men ain't shit.
28:12Yeah.
28:13Yeah.
28:14Number three's got a performer's stance.
28:15And really good makeup.
28:16Yeah.
28:17I feel like number one knows some things.
28:18What does she know?
28:19She's blinking a lot.
28:20Is she saying SOS, SOS?
28:21I don't know.
28:22I don't know.
28:23All right.
28:24These should help.
28:25Okay.
28:26Strap yourselves in.
28:27Yeah.
28:28Vanessa enjoys going on lovely walks.
28:29Fuck me.
28:30That should really help lock it down for you.
28:31Yeah.
28:32That should really help lock it down for you.
28:33Yeah.
28:34I think that's a glass of wine talking about how men ain't shit.
28:36Yeah.
28:37Number three's got a performer's stance.
28:38Really good makeup.
28:39Yeah.
28:40I feel like number one knows some things.
28:41What does she know?
28:42She's blinking a lot.
28:43Is she saying SOS, SOS?
28:44I don't know.
28:45All right.
28:46These should help.
28:47Okay.
28:48Strap yourselves in.
28:49Yeah.
28:50Vanessa enjoys going on lovely walks.
28:51Fuck me.
28:52Let me help lock it down for you.
28:53Her favourite fruit is a Sharon fruit.
28:55I mean.
28:56What is it?
28:57Oh, no.
28:58You might want to have a look at their hands.
29:01Vanessa is into garden design and landscaping.
29:04Shall we have a look at your hands?
29:06I'm going to go.
29:07Shall we go and have a nose there?
29:08Yeah, yeah.
29:09Let's have a look.
29:10Just have a quick nose there.
29:11Come on, Natasha.
29:12Have a look at this.
29:14Not you.
29:15You've got lovely hands.
29:17Definitely not you.
29:18Nails too long.
29:19Right, okay.
29:20Number five.
29:21Five.
29:22Okay, yeah.
29:23Woo!
29:24I think five.
29:25Your hands are wicked, by the way.
29:26They're nightlight.
29:27I'm not saying your hands have got, like, garden...
29:29He looked at number five.
29:32He went, yep, calloused.
29:34Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:35Thick.
29:36Your hands are thick like cowhide.
29:38I love your hands.
29:39Okay.
29:40I'd say five as well, actually.
29:41She's got a cheeky smile.
29:42Yeah, yeah.
29:43And leathery hands.
29:44Okay.
29:45Sophie's team, what are you going for?
29:48I think five.
29:49Do you?
29:50Five?
29:51Yeah, I think five.
29:52And also the band five.
29:53Cosmic.
29:54Oh, yeah, there you go.
29:55Cosmic.
29:56It's the same.
29:57Sorry.
29:58Are you talking about the band six?
29:59Oh, yes.
30:00I forgot.
30:01Sophie and Fidel.
30:02Would the real Vanessa please step forward?
30:05Oh, I'm not...
30:06Yay!
30:07Well done.
30:11Sophie's team were right.
30:17Vanessa, hello.
30:18Hiya.
30:19How are you?
30:20What are you up to these days?
30:21Well, we're still working, still performing.
30:23Yeah?
30:24And I do do some gardening, but I didn't paint my nails.
30:26Let's hear it from Vanessa and the rest of the line-up.
30:35Okay.
30:36Knowles team, your turn for the audience at home.
30:39Take a look at this.
30:40And everything you are is heaven.
30:44Oh, I can't get enough.
30:46No, I can't get enough.
30:50It's my sweet day.
30:52I can't get enough.
30:54That was Yell with Instant Replay, but Knowles team, what I want to know is which of our line-up is Paul Varney from the group.
31:06Is it?
31:07Number one, Yell.
31:09Number two, Lovely Smell.
31:11Number three, Kiss and Will Tell.
31:13Number four, Weed to Sell.
31:15Number five, My Computer is Adele.
31:17There you go.
31:19There they are.
31:20Who's Paul Varney?
31:21Hang on, let's try something.
31:22Hey, Paul.
31:25Number two.
31:27Number two.
31:28Are we done?
31:30Yeah.
31:31Do you know what, Matt?
31:32Make sure it's suspicious.
31:33Without, without any, anything said, we all said number two instantly.
31:38Without anything.
31:39Yeah, I felt that when he came out, but then when I heard the voice, that could be the voice of number four.
31:45Nah, number four ain't got a rockstar face.
31:47It looks like his lot's going to change when that Wong alone comes through.
31:50I'm going to get me a van, we're selling stew.
31:55All right, shall we eliminate? I don't think it's number one.
32:00I want to say number one, but he looks like he lacks confidence.
32:03Like, he walks the long way home because there's kids sitting on the wall.
32:05It's not number three because I've seen him in the line-up about 12 times before.
32:17He's here every week.
32:18I've got to say, three, four, and five have got incredibly long necks.
32:22Yeah, they have, aren't they?
32:24Yeah.
32:25What about they eat apples from the top of the tree, aren't they?
32:27Yeah.
32:28I'll give you some facts about him.
32:30Yeah, go on.
32:31Here we go.
32:32Strap yourselves in.
32:33As a child, Paul was one of the Milky Bar kids.
32:36Oh.
32:37Oh, hang on.
32:38Wow.
32:39Walk over there and see if any of them smell of anything milky and creamy.
32:42I don't...
32:43No, no, no.
32:45You're so creepy.
32:48Um, I don't want to, Jay.
32:51You've made me nervous.
32:52I'll have to push you, boys.
32:54Captain, make a decision.
32:55You're the captain.
32:56I think two.
32:57We're all confused.
32:58I was two, then five.
32:59Now I've gone three.
33:00One's in the Lars.
33:01It's not one.
33:02We've gone off two.
33:03Three's been in the line-up before.
33:05It's not three.
33:06Four standing like he doesn't give a fuck.
33:08He's never, ever been in a Milky Bar ever.
33:11Number five.
33:12Number five.
33:13Nolts team have decided it's number five.
33:14Let's find out if they're right.
33:15Will the real Paul Varney, please step forward!
33:18Oh!
33:20Ah!
33:21Ah!
33:22Ah!
33:23Paul!
33:24Oh!
33:25Oh!
33:26It's unbelievable.
33:27It's unbelievable.
33:28It's unbelievable.
33:29It's unbelievable.
33:30It's unbelievable.
33:31Well, Steve, you were wrong.
33:34It was number four.
33:35Paul, hello.
33:36Welcome to the show.
33:38What are you up to these days?
33:39I've just started a record label, house music label, and
33:41still releasing music as a solo artist.
33:43That's it.
33:44Awesome.
33:45Thank you, boys.
33:46Thank you, Paul.
33:47Thanks, boys.
33:48Let's hear it for Paul and the rest of the boys.
33:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:57And at the end of that round, both teams have three points each!
34:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:04Right.
34:05We're going straight in to next line.
34:09Sophie's team, you're up first.
34:11And your time starts now.
34:13I want to kiss you every minute, every hour, every day.
34:16OK.
34:17You've got me in a spin, but everything is OK.
34:19The darkness.
34:20I believe in a thing called love.
34:21Oh, sure.
34:22Gravity keeps pulling me down.
34:23As long as you're on the ground, I'll stick around.
34:25Correct.
34:26Sam Raider.
34:27Spaceman.
34:28She's just a cosmic girl.
34:29In a cosmic world.
34:30No.
34:31From another galaxy.
34:32Jamiroquai.
34:33Cosmic girl.
34:34These words are my own from my heart flow.
34:37Ooh.
34:38I love you, I love you, love.
34:39Correct.
34:40Natasha Bedingfield, these words.
34:41Bring your daughter to the slaughter.
34:43Daughter, bring your daughter to the slaughter.
34:46Let her go.
34:47Let her go, let her go, let her go.
34:48Correct.
34:49Iron Maiden, bring your daughter to the slaughter.
34:50What's in your head?
34:51In your head.
34:52In your head.
34:53Zombie.
34:54Yep.
34:55A bit more.
34:56Yeah, three zombies.
34:57Cranberries.
34:58Zombie.
34:59You acting kind of shady, ain't calling me baby.
35:02Why the sudden change?
35:03Oh, yeah.
35:04Why the sudden change?
35:05Oh, yeah.
35:06Why the sudden change?
35:07Better say my name.
35:08Destiny's Child, say my name.
35:09Yep.
35:10Cos I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it.
35:13Well done team, you've got four right.
35:15That was hard to know about you as well.
35:18All right, Noel and Six.
35:21Here are yours.
35:24You need five points to win.
35:26You could actually win one.
35:27We could win an episode.
35:28Come on then.
35:29With Castro.
35:30Do it for Cuba.
35:31Do it for Cuba.
35:32Do it for Cuba.
35:33Do it for Cuba.
35:34Here we go.
35:35Your time starts now.
35:37Love me.
35:38Love me.
35:39Say that you love me.
35:40Say that you love me.
35:41Do me, do me.
35:42Say that you love me.
35:43No, fool me, fool me.
35:44Go on and fool me.
35:45The cardigans love fool.
35:46Babe, I swear you will succumb to me.
35:48When the lights go out.
35:50Yeah, five.
35:52When the lights go out.
35:53We're so pretty.
35:54Oh, so pretty.
35:55So pretty.
35:56We're vacant.
35:57Sex pistols.
35:58Pretty vacant.
35:59You can tell by the way I use my walk.
36:00I'm a woman's man.
36:01I'm a woman's man.
36:02Time to talk.
36:03Beegee staying alive.
36:04And I love to live so pleasantly.
36:06And I love to live so pleasantly.
36:09Live this life of luxury.
36:10The kinks.
36:11Sunny afternoon.
36:12I kissed a girl and I liked it.
36:14Taste of a cherry chapstick.
36:16Yes, Katy Perry.
36:17I kissed a girl.
36:18He was a boy, she was a girl.
36:20Can I make it any more obvious?
36:21Can I make it any more obvious?
36:22Avril Lavigne skater boy.
36:24Good.
36:29That sound means it's the end of the round.
36:31And it's the end of the show.
36:33And I can tell you that Sophie's team have seven points.
36:36But with unbelievably eight points,
36:38the Dylan Ovested.
36:40CHEERING
36:41And my brother!
36:43Nice note!
36:44And thanks to Rhyse, Noel, Jamali, Sam Ryder, Sophie and Natasha.
36:50Thank you, guys!
37:20Thank you, guys.
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