- 2 days ago
Never Mind The Buzzcocks Season 5 Episode 1
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00:00...was Britain reborn.
00:05Hello, Bears.
00:06Hey.
00:07Hello, hello.
00:31Welcome to Nevermind the Buzzcocks, Manchester versus Britpop.
00:37...joining Noel on Team Britpop.
00:44...an award-winning actress, singer and Britpop queen
00:48who said that meeting David Bowie on the set of Absolute Beginners
00:51was the most erotic experience of her life.
00:54For me, it was a Bedouin tent on the Arabian Peninsula.
00:57And let's just say, those boys do not moisturise their hands.
01:01Let's go, she can's it!
01:03...and Alan Kinchmarsh is mad for Pampas.
01:11Monty Don can't get enough Wild Meadow,
01:13but for me, there's only one Supergrass,
01:15and here's their drummer, Britpop's own Danny Goffey!
01:19...joining Jamali on Team Manchester tonight.
01:27A DJ, radio presenter, and keyboardist
01:32for the iconic 90s band in Spiral Carpets
01:35who says that while touring with the band, EMF,
01:37he witnessed one of them put a lime in his foreskin.
01:40Big deal.
01:40Since Sainsbury started charging for their carrier bags,
01:43I get my weekly shop in mind.
01:44It's Clint Boone!
01:52And their guest captain for this evening.
01:55The legendary Maracca Man of Happy Mondays and Manchester Royalty.
01:59In his heyday, he turned down Julia Roberts' advances in a club.
02:03But I suspect he probably just cobbled 14 ecstasy tablets,
02:06so it might not have been Julia Roberts,
02:07it might have been a yucca plant.
02:09And it might not have been a club,
02:10it might have been a transit van.
02:11Who knows?
02:12He doesn't!
02:13It's Bez!
02:19Over the course of this evening,
02:21we will decide once and for all
02:23which was the better cultural phenomena of the 90s,
02:25the chemical haze of Manchester
02:26or the lager-fuelled swagger of Britpop.
02:28Trigger warning,
02:29I have to mention drugs a lot tonight,
02:31otherwise we'll have nothing to talk about.
02:34Welcome, everyone.
02:35You all right?
02:35Nice to be here.
02:36Lovely to be here, yeah.
02:36Lovely to have you, Clint.
02:38Bez, you all right?
02:38I'm really excited to be here.
02:40How do you feel about being Team Captain?
02:42I feel the pressure of it,
02:43but I'm sure I can handle it, you know what I mean?
02:45Do you feel...
02:45I've done bigger jobs.
02:50Let's talk Manchester for a bit, Bez.
02:52A lot was made of your drug use in the 90s,
02:54you know,
02:54you must get sick of being labelled with that.
02:57Well, you know what,
02:57the Persian rugs,
02:59it was actually the making of me.
03:01Well,
03:01I found a picture of you,
03:02it's lovely,
03:03any family would be absolutely delighted with it.
03:04Have a look.
03:05Back in the day,
03:12you actually gave me a pair of your maracas.
03:14Did I?
03:14Yeah,
03:15and signed them.
03:15And when I say maracas, Greg,
03:17I mean testicles.
03:19They're in a little cabinet at home.
03:22Bez,
03:22just tell us what happened
03:23when the Happy Mondays got sent to Barbados,
03:25will you?
03:25You got sent to record an album, right?
03:27Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:28And paid.
03:29Well, you know what,
03:30it was being sent there
03:31because it was apparently,
03:32you know,
03:33a drug-free island.
03:34Yeah.
03:35What a mistake that was,
03:36you know what I mean?
03:38My understanding of it
03:39is that you sold the recording equipment
03:41so you could buy drugs.
03:44Well,
03:44we got a great album out of it.
03:46What did it get recorded on?
03:48I think it might be an album you've imagined.
03:52Bez,
03:53I can't wait to see how you lead this team.
03:55It's Bez,
03:55ladies and gentlemen,
03:56what a treat.
03:58Clint Boone is here
04:01to Inspiral Carpets,
04:04one of my favourite bands.
04:05You and Bez are good mates,
04:07is that right?
04:0738 years,
04:08I think,
04:09since we met
04:09and since then,
04:10we've, like,
04:11regularly gigged together
04:12with our bands,
04:13we'd DJ all the time,
04:15did three gigs with him last week.
04:16Proper bangers,
04:17you know what I mean?
04:18I love Inspiral Carpets,
04:20but I just don't imagine
04:21that you were as off your heads
04:23as that lot,
04:23were you?
04:23We didn't need to.
04:24If you were just within three foot of him,
04:25you were stoned
04:26or battered
04:27or off your tits.
04:29What's the maddest thing
04:30you were involved with
04:31when you were with the Inspirals?
04:32Is it the one
04:32where I shat in a teapot?
04:33That's the one, yeah.
04:34Yeah.
04:36It was in a hotel
04:42in Swiss Cottage.
04:43I just want that
04:46to be the end
04:46of the story.
04:48Why did you sit in a teapot?
04:50I was bored,
04:51I was drunk
04:51and it was rock and roll.
04:52Tick.
04:53Three ticks.
04:55I've pissed in a carol.
04:58And that's why
04:59I never drink tea
05:00in all those whole rooms.
05:02Desi Manor's been in this.
05:03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:04Clint Boone,
05:05ladies and gentlemen.
05:10Ritpop queen,
05:12Patsy Kenseth is here.
05:18There's certain images
05:19that just sum up that period,
05:21I think,
05:21and you know the one
05:22that you're forever associated with
05:24who I think is so cool.
05:25Have a look at Patsy Kenseth
05:26back in the day.
05:27Do you remember that?
05:28It was a moment.
05:31It was a moment.
05:33It was a moment.
05:33Let's bring you back
05:34down to earth, though.
05:35What happened
05:35with the golf cart
05:36on the M1?
05:39Liam and I
05:40had started
05:41seeing each other
05:42and it was just as
05:43What's the Story?
05:44Morning Glory had come out.
05:45So it was growing,
05:46you know?
05:47And so we went
05:49to Nebworth
05:49and did the first night
05:52and it was,
05:53you know,
05:53spectacular.
05:55And Liam and I
05:57forgot that there was
05:58a show the next day
05:58so we decided
06:00to have a bit
06:01of a late night
06:02and nick
06:04a golf buggy
06:05from backstage
06:06and drive out
06:08onto this deserted
06:10massive field.
06:12And Liam's going,
06:12yeah,
06:13I'll do a fucking right
06:14yet,
06:14do a right,
06:14do a left.
06:16So I'm driving
06:17the buggy cart
06:18and then next thing
06:20I know
06:20is like we're
06:21on a main road
06:22literally
06:23onto the M1
06:25on a golf cart
06:27and he's going
06:28with me,
06:28yeah,
06:29do a fucking
06:29U-turn.
06:31Do a U-turn?
06:32And I said,
06:32I can't fucking
06:33do a U-turn.
06:34It's a fucking
06:35golf buggy.
06:36What do you want
06:37me to fucking do?
06:38Anyway,
06:39the police,
06:40they pulled us over
06:41and they said,
06:42hello,
06:43Mr Gallagher,
06:44I think you've
06:46rather lost your way,
06:47haven't you?
06:47And we were both
06:48eyes out on stalks,
06:50obviously.
06:51Yes,
06:52we have,
06:53please take us back
06:54and don't come
06:55into the caravan.
06:59Because there could
07:00be contraband.
07:01If at the end
07:02of this story,
07:02Patsy,
07:03someone doesn't
07:03shit in a teapot.
07:05Yeah,
07:05there's more,
07:06but I'm not going
07:07to take it
07:09to the grave.
07:15Danny from
07:15Supergrass is here.
07:21We are young.
07:23We're not,
07:23are we, Danny?
07:24Not we are.
07:25We're not.
07:26Was it mental
07:27with the Supergrass
07:27back in the day?
07:29Yeah.
07:29We're fairly hedonistic.
07:31Were you?
07:31Yeah.
07:32Because I've got to be honest,
07:33Danny,
07:33you've been on the show
07:33before,
07:34you're a delightful man.
07:35I just think
07:35you're a lovely uncle
07:36who whittles in a shed.
07:38So you need to tell me
07:39some rock and roll
07:40stuff that happened.
07:41My earliest rock and roll
07:42memory was with these two.
07:44I was a big fan
07:45of Clint and Spiral Carpets
07:46when I was about 15.
07:47I did my first acid trip
07:48at one of his gigs.
07:50You took acid
07:50when you were 15?
07:51Jesus Christ,
07:52I was uncomfortable
07:53with the show,
07:53but damn.
07:56We were chatting
07:57before about
07:58when I first met
07:59you and Gaz.
08:00Yeah.
08:01We always remembered it.
08:02Even before you became famous,
08:03we remembered these little kids,
08:04you know what I mean?
08:05And then you sat on the front
08:06of the stage
08:07right through the gig,
08:07didn't you?
08:08Like that,
08:08looking up.
08:09I remember your singer Tom
08:10just going scruffing my head
08:12at the front going,
08:13this is where this little
08:13mentalist at the front
08:14he ain't stopped jumping.
08:15And I was just like,
08:16yeah!
08:17My first thought would be like,
08:19why are these little two kids
08:20high on acid?
08:22You need someone
08:23to call their parents.
08:26Jamali,
08:26what were you up to
08:27in the 90s
08:27when the slot
08:28were all off their heads?
08:29Oh, mate,
08:30fuck,
08:30getting on it.
08:32No,
08:32I was born in 91,
08:34so I wouldn't do nothing.
08:36Don't make out
08:37you weren't having a wild time,
08:38we've got proof.
08:39Oh, fuck!
08:40Oh, fuck!
08:40Oh, fuck!
08:41Oh, fuck!
08:41Oh, fuck!
08:50Let's crack on!
08:52Calm down, Buzz.
08:53First question.
08:54Knowles team,
08:54your Britpop question
08:56is all about
08:56these music legends.
08:57Take a look at this.
08:58Slip inside
09:00the eye of your mind
09:03Don't you know
09:04you might find
09:06A better place to play
09:09And after all
09:12You're my wonder one
09:17There they are!
09:24Of course,
09:25that's right,
09:26it wouldn't be Britpop
09:27without featuring
09:27the hairy potatoes
09:28at the back of the cupboard
09:29Oasis.
09:30But,
09:31can you tell me
09:32how a member of Oasis
09:33got into a pickle
09:34due to a medical complaint?
09:36Was it A,
09:37they had to cancel a gig once
09:38because Bonehead
09:39fell into a river
09:39and got Viles disease?
09:41Knowles said,
09:42I'm not very good
09:42at the Manchester accent,
09:43full disclosure.
09:44There's no way!
09:45He said A.
09:59There's no way
10:00the gig could have
10:01gone ahead.
10:02His hands swelled up
10:03like Mickey Mouse's
10:04and that mouse
10:05had some big fucking hands.
10:08Was it B,
10:09at the Sixth Sense premiere,
10:11Noel missed the twist
10:12as he was in the loo
10:13with IBS.
10:13He said,
10:14I spoke to that kid
10:15from the film.
10:16Afterwards,
10:17he asked,
10:17did you guess he was dead
10:18and I had no idea
10:20what the fuck
10:20he was talking about.
10:21So I patted him
10:22on the head
10:23and slowly walked away.
10:24Shit film,
10:25shit night,
10:26although I did meet
10:27the Boddington's girl.
10:29Or was it C,
10:30whilst playing Glastonbury
10:32for the first time,
10:33Liam experienced
10:34the spicy flare-up
10:35of his psoriasis
10:36on his scalp.
10:37Two fans mistook
10:38his flaky skin
10:39for coke
10:39and decided
10:40they'd hoover it up.
10:42Liam said,
10:43they were taking it
10:44out of my hair
10:44and putting it
10:45on their gums
10:45and up their fucking noses.
10:47So there you go,
10:48there's your three.
10:49What do you think?
10:49Did Bonad get big hands?
10:52Well, I love that.
10:53I'd love it
10:54if he did have big hands.
10:56I think that sounds
10:57like Noel.
10:58Yeah, B's sort of
10:59in Noel's voice,
11:00isn't it?
11:00What, the Boddington's girl
11:01sounds like Noel,
11:02doesn't it?
11:02Exactly.
11:03I think B,
11:04I don't think C.
11:06You don't think fans
11:07were snorting
11:08his psoriasis
11:09on his head?
11:11Were you there?
11:12You might have been there.
11:13Glastonbury,
11:14erm...
11:16You were,
11:16because look how long
11:17it's taken you
11:18to remember.
11:20Well, you would know
11:21whether Liam had
11:21psoriasis on the scalp.
11:23Well, I mean,
11:24that's like asking
11:24a doctor about
11:25their patients.
11:28Sounds like
11:29he was flaky as fuck.
11:32I couldn't possibly
11:33tell you something
11:34like that.
11:36Hey, Bez,
11:37I've been told
11:38by the researchers
11:38that you had
11:39a medical thing
11:40that made me laugh
11:41for exactly one hour
11:42afterwards.
11:43What was it?
11:44Well, I had
11:44nearly the strangest
11:46rock and roll
11:46death ever,
11:47you know what I mean?
11:48Back out in a shoulder,
11:49overdose.
11:50That's right.
11:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:52And all the things.
11:54Honestly,
11:55anyway,
11:55I had these
11:56sardines
11:58and I got this
11:59like really bad
11:59stomachache after
12:00and I've heard
12:01like bicarbate
12:02soda sorts
12:03you right out.
12:04So I ran
12:04downstairs,
12:05got a big
12:06heap spoon
12:07of bicarbate
12:08and soda,
12:09put it in my water,
12:10next it down,
12:11flush straight away,
12:12back end,
12:12front end,
12:13sorted.
12:14And next thing
12:14I felt this thing
12:15in my stomach,
12:16I thought it's
12:17like a little bit
12:18left,
12:18I'll do a bit more.
12:19So I got another
12:20tablespoon of
12:21bicarbate
12:22and soda,
12:23put it in there,
12:24neck that down
12:25and like,
12:26well,
12:26fucking hell,
12:27it's getting worse.
12:28So I did another,
12:29I did another
12:30tablespoon of it
12:31and next minute
12:33I spent like
12:33the next like
12:3424 hours
12:35like remember
12:36them volcanoes
12:37with like
12:38the guy
12:40had like
12:40just froth
12:41came out of it.
12:45And you know
12:46what I found
12:46out later
12:47they cleaned
12:47drains out
12:48of the shit
12:48and all that
12:49you know
12:49I mean I could
12:51have had a hundred
12:52guesses
12:53about what you took
12:55that almost killed you.
12:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:57Okay,
12:58let's get back
12:58to the Gallaghers.
12:59They might have
13:00buried their hatchet
13:01now but it hasn't
13:02always been the case.
13:03Noel once said
13:03about his mum
13:04I liked her
13:05until she gave birth
13:05to Liam.
13:07It's a genuine quote.
13:11Trent,
13:11Noel Gallagher
13:12was your roadie
13:13is that right?
13:13Yeah.
13:14Did he get kidnapped?
13:15What's that?
13:16Yeah, so the
13:16minibus with the
13:17spirals in a knoll
13:18was in London
13:19and a bit of a
13:20traffic jam
13:20and about two or
13:22three vehicles ahead
13:22was a Luton van
13:24and our drummer
13:25Craig had been
13:27mithering for ages
13:28for a cooler fan
13:29you know to cool him
13:30down on stage
13:31and we couldn't
13:31afford one
13:32and the one thing
13:33in the back
13:33of this van
13:34with the door open
13:35was a cooler fan
13:36in a box.
13:38The van's at the
13:38red light
13:39and our bus
13:40is a couple
13:40of vehicles behind.
13:42Craig says
13:43Noel,
13:44there's one of them
13:44fucking fans
13:46that I want
13:46go and get it.
13:47So Noel jumps
13:48out the van
13:48runs round
13:49to the Luton
13:50climbs in the
13:50back of it
13:51picks the fan up
13:52and then the
13:53lights change to
13:53green
13:54and the fucking
13:55drives off
13:55and Noel
13:57suddenly like
13:58so he went
14:01missing for like
14:02half an hour
14:03and found him
14:04still at the
14:05pedestrian crossing
14:06in Crouch End
14:06with a fucking
14:07fan in it
14:08on.
14:08OK, I think we
14:10need to get on.
14:11I think we need
14:11to guess.
14:12Oh, God, the
14:13question.
14:14What was it?
14:16I would love it
14:17if Oasis fans
14:18were trying to
14:19snort Liam's
14:21psoriasis off of
14:21his shoulders.
14:22That's hilarious.
14:24I think B.
14:25You don't think
14:25it was maybe
14:26Bonehead's big hands?
14:27I don't remember
14:28clown hands.
14:29But you think
14:30it's number two,
14:31don't you?
14:31I think it's number
14:32two.
14:32I think it's number
14:33two.
14:33OK, I think it's C
14:35but they see if
14:35you can see.
14:36All right, well,
14:38you are wrong.
14:41The answer is C.
14:44Liam Gallagher's
14:45fans bestook
14:46his psoriasis
14:47for good sake
14:48and they snorted
14:50it off him.
14:52Did anyone here
14:53go to the
14:53Oasis reunion?
14:55I did, yeah.
14:56I've never seen
14:56anything like it.
14:57The atmosphere
14:58was unbelievable.
14:59The vibe
15:00throughout the city
15:01even through the day
15:01was like biblical.
15:03It's a bit of a
15:04cliche but it's
15:05just, because
15:05it's the biggest
15:06feel-good story
15:07of the decade,
15:08isn't it?
15:08I did watch
15:08the pirate stream
15:09with someone's
15:10TikTok live.
15:12It was shaky
15:13but I've got the vibe.
15:14Yeah.
15:18Have you been?
15:19Did you go?
15:19No, because I
15:21watched the whole
15:21thing unfold
15:22and it was so
15:23magical,
15:25those memories.
15:26And I haven't
15:27seen Liam
15:28for nearly 26
15:29years but
15:30I'm so happy
15:32for Lennon,
15:33our son,
15:34because he's
15:34just gone
15:35to watch
15:36this cultural
15:37explosion
15:38and I
15:39couldn't be
15:40happier
15:41for the band
15:42and for all
15:43the people
15:43that are
15:43rediscovering
15:44them.
15:44It's so nice
15:45to see two
15:45brothers make
15:46up, isn't it?
15:47It's beautiful.
15:48Because I don't
15:48know about you,
15:48I was an
15:49arsehole to my
15:49sister.
15:51Well done,
15:52Oasis!
15:52Yes.
15:53Well done!
15:59Hard luck,
15:59no point for you
16:01there.
16:01There's his team.
16:02Take a look at
16:03this.
16:03That was Pass Me
16:20the Big Bowl,
16:25this kid's head is
16:26massive, Tim Burgess
16:27and the charlatans.
16:28But can you tell me
16:30what intimate
16:31experience did the
16:32band like to engage
16:33in?
16:33Was it A,
16:35before a show,
16:36the band would share
16:36a cocktail of each
16:37other's urine?
16:38Guitarist Mark
16:39Collins said,
16:40we nicknamed it
16:41Dr. Bladder's
16:41Lucky Homebrew,
16:42so that no one knew
16:44what we were up to.
16:45God knows where the
16:45idea came from,
16:46drugs probably,
16:47but it really did
16:48change me as a man,
16:49friend and a father.
16:50Or was it B,
16:53the band would blow
16:54cocaine up each
16:55other's bumholes?
16:57The technique required
16:58one paper cone,
16:59one thick straw
17:00and one Rizla paper.
17:02They called it,
17:03genuinely,
17:04Cocainous.
17:06A phrase coined
17:08by frontman Tim Burgess
17:09who said,
17:10yeah,
17:11I just made it up,
17:12two words,
17:12throw them together,
17:13portmanteau.
17:13Is that what they
17:14call it?
17:15C,
17:15was it,
17:16when stressed,
17:18the band would
17:18calm themselves down
17:19by fingering and
17:20sniffing each other's
17:21belly buttons?
17:22Bassist Martin Blunt
17:23said,
17:24it takes you out of
17:25your head and puts
17:25you right in the
17:26moment.
17:27When I pop my pinky
17:28in,
17:29I know the second I
17:30inhale that aroma,
17:31life will just make
17:32a little more sense.
17:34There it is.
17:36What do you think?
17:37Could you imagine
17:37them fingering
17:38each other's belly buttons?
17:39I could imagine
17:39every one of them
17:41things happening
17:41before the show.
17:42What,
17:43sticking your finger
17:43in someone's belly button?
17:44I was going to say,
17:45I think B sounds
17:46like a waste of
17:47coke,
17:47you've just got to
17:47numb ass.
17:49Isn't it good
17:50to put drugs
17:50up your bottom,
17:51Noel?
17:52Yeah,
17:52it's not bad.
17:53It's sport,
17:53it's sportless.
17:55Apparently Stevie
17:56Nick's roadie
17:57used to blow
17:58coats for her arms.
17:58Famous for it,
17:59yeah.
17:59McDonald,
18:00McDonald's straw.
18:02I mean,
18:03the thing is,
18:04I wouldn't know,
18:05but you want to
18:06make sure that you
18:07blow and you
18:08don't suck.
18:11That's really,
18:12I've got to be
18:13honest,
18:13Patsy,
18:14you don't need to
18:14be an expert
18:15to know that.
18:16All this chat
18:18about blowing coke
18:19and getting someone
18:19to blow coke
18:20over you
18:20made me realise,
18:20I don't actually
18:21have any real
18:21good friends.
18:23I can't think
18:24of one friend
18:25that I could
18:25call up and be like,
18:26brother,
18:26I need a hit.
18:27No,
18:27no.
18:27I'm not going to
18:28do it.
18:28No.
18:30Like,
18:30as you think of the
18:31fault,
18:31you get a knock
18:32on the doorbell
18:32and it's no
18:33destroy.
18:33what about this notion
18:39that they might have
18:39drunk each other's piss?
18:42It's a thing that
18:43though,
18:43isn't it?
18:44People on these
18:45weird things and
18:46they drink their own
18:46piss.
18:47You might understand
18:48this.
18:49How are they
18:49benefiting from
18:50drinking each other's
18:51bits?
18:51Like,
18:52I like the smell
18:52of my belly button,
18:53I get that,
18:54and I can imagine
18:54blowing coke up my
18:56asshole probably
18:57would be nice.
18:57It would be easy
19:00to do your
19:01ass up.
19:10It's like going
19:10under a bridge.
19:13I'm glad you made
19:14it clear it was a
19:15tall thing.
19:15I thought you
19:16were just saying
19:16I had a big
19:17asshole.
19:20What do you
19:20think,
19:21Bez?
19:21Yeah,
19:22I'm not too
19:22sure.
19:23It's really,
19:23I'd like,
19:24I'd,
19:24I'd,
19:24I'd worried
19:25that they were
19:26doing any of
19:26them three
19:27things.
19:27Or all of them.
19:29Yeah,
19:29yeah.
19:30It was B.
19:31It was definitely
19:31B.
19:32Before we find
19:32FURI,
19:33how do you
19:33know?
19:33It's in
19:34Tim's book.
19:34Oh,
19:35yeah,
19:35that'll do it.
19:43Right,
19:44let's look at
19:44it.
19:44It's B.
19:45Yeah.
19:46You're right,
19:46it's B!
19:51The band
19:52would blow
19:53coke up
19:54each other's
19:54arses,
19:55and the
19:55activity was
19:56called
19:56Cocanus.
19:58OK.
19:59Well done,
20:00Bez.
20:00You've got a
20:00point.
20:01Hey.
20:01It's best
20:02to see.
20:03Go on.
20:07Time for a little
20:08break.
20:09We'll see you in a bit.
20:09Welcome back to
20:21Nevermind the Buzzcocks.
20:24Manchester versus Britpop,
20:25the show that proudly
20:27refused to cut down on your pork life
20:28and get some exercise.
20:30And you know why?
20:30Because pork's delicious.
20:31Live fast, die young.
20:33Next up, it's the intro's round.
20:34Bears and Jamali on your feet,
20:36please.
20:36You'll be performing
20:37the intro of a song to Clint.
20:39And remember, Clint,
20:41it is the title of the song
20:43we're looking for.
20:43You're right.
20:44Go on.
20:45Here we go.
20:45Song one.
20:46Take it away, boys.
20:47Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
20:51Don't do't do this.
20:53Bam!
20:53Don't do this...
20:55Don't do it!
20:56It's a bad...
21:00Go on, move it back.
21:10I feel like l'm on drugs.
21:12I feel like I've had a whole tub...!
21:13I thought, when you first started...
21:15I thought...
21:16say, does the guitar get close.
21:17Essentially that it'sesian.
21:19Sadly for you, that's your guess.
21:20guess resurrection is not the right answer i'm passing it over is it stone roses i'm not i'm
21:25not telling you it's not waterfall ah you're wrong it was i want to be adored by the stone
21:31roses here's how it should have sounded
21:39yeah pretty good though
21:45i shouldn't have got it when you when bed said i wanna i shouldn't have got it
21:50that was the stone roses with i want to be adored front man in brown's head we've got to ban
21:55all air freighted food carrots from holland potatoes from egypt it's all got to stop
22:00and then he devoured a big bag of drugs transported from a colombian man's bottom
22:06next one please baz jamali take it away we've got to do it quick because it's going to
22:12leave bed's mind like you
22:25i do the old tune yeah that's nice
22:26yeah you did you did the last song and then my part yeah yeah stay off the bike up kids
22:41oh
22:53oh
22:55I'm doing this song.
22:56Oh, right.
22:57That's it.
22:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:59That's really what you're doing.
23:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:03I feel like being nasty now.
23:04Yeah, yeah.
23:05Hey, come on then.
23:06One more time.
23:07Go on.
23:12Sorry, can I interrupt?
23:14Yeah, yeah, you can.
23:15Just to help Clint out.
23:17It could not sound less like this.
23:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:20I'm passing that over. Clint doesn't know.
23:26Give me a title of a song and let's put everyone out of their misery.
23:29Any song.
23:30Ring and Fire.
23:31It's got to be in Manchester.
23:32So close.
23:33Strap yourselves in.
23:34What about Step On?
23:35It was Step On by the Happy Mondays.
23:37Yeah, go on.
23:38I just got that.
23:39I thought you said it.
23:41See you later.
23:43That's Happy Mondays and Step On.
23:45Here's how it should have sounded.
23:50Oh, that's what I meant to do.
23:54Woo!
23:55I forgot I ate that one.
23:57Yeah, yeah, no, I'm just...
23:59That was the Happy Mondays with Step On.
24:01And for the avoidance of doubt, when I say the Happy Mondays,
24:04I mean Bez's band.
24:08Bad luck.
24:09You guessed none correct.
24:15Right, Noel and Danny, it's your turn to perform to Patsy.
24:18So on your feet, please.
24:19Is it okay?
24:20As always, Patsy, it's the title of the song we're looking for.
24:23Yeah.
24:24Song one.
24:25I'll do the drums.
24:26Are you ready?
24:27Off you go.
24:28Oh, I know it.
24:29I know it.
24:30I know it.
24:31Oh, my.
24:32Oh, my.
24:33Oh, my.
24:34Oh, my.
24:35Oh, my.
24:36Oh, my.
24:37Oh, my.
24:38Oh, my.
24:39Oh, my.
24:40Oh, my.
24:41Oh, my.
24:42Oh, my.
24:43Oh, my.
24:44Oh, my.
24:45Oh, I know it, I know it.
24:47Can I tell you, pass it over?
24:48Oh, my baby.
24:55Sounds like a song from Oliver.
24:57It was originally.
24:59Oh, my darling.
25:00No, incorrect. Pass it over. What's it called?
25:02Tender.
25:03Tender is correct!
25:06It was Tender, my brother.
25:08You did very well.
25:13But they stole it.
25:15Yeah, I'll do it.
25:18Does he not say I'm not a darling?
25:20Yeah, he thinks I'm a big.
25:28That was Tender by Blur, which was kept off the number one spot by Britney Spears' Hit Me Baby One More Time.
25:34Not because it was a better song, but because in the video, Britney was dressed as a sexy schoolgirl.
25:38And in the late 90s, casual paedophilia was absolutely fine.
25:43Talking about that, our band was kept off number one by R. Kelly.
25:59Maybe I want to start a campaign that's actually going to take him off number one and reinstate us to number one.
26:04Yeah, good shot.
26:04I agree.
26:05It's connected.
26:05I agree.
26:05It's connected.
26:05I agree.
26:05It's connected.
26:06I agree.
26:06Right, Robbie.
26:06Yeah.
26:06All right, song two.
26:10Take it away.
26:11I agree.
26:25Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
26:29It's Elastica.
26:32And I... connected?
26:34Yeah!
26:35Connection?
26:36Well, you are right!
26:42It was Connection by Elastica. Here's how it should have sounded.
26:55Four.
26:58Four.
27:02That was Elastica and Connection,
27:04as opposed to a poor connection with Elastic,
27:06which is what my uncle claimed in court
27:08when he was arrested for exposing his genitals in parts.
27:11Fortunately, it was the late 90s,
27:13so casual paedophilia...
27:16was absolutely fine!
27:22He got one right!
27:25Well done, guys. Thank you.
27:28We did have easier ones, I think.
27:30I don't know how much of it was down to them being easier,
27:34how much of it was down to not having Bess.
27:38I don't agree with that.
27:40No!
27:41No, no, he's right.
27:42He's not right!
27:46And at the end of that round,
27:47Noel's team have one point!
27:48Bess' team have two points!
27:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:54Our next round is called I.D. Parades,
27:57where our panel must identify a Madchester and Britpop legend.
28:00Noel's team, here's your line-up.
28:02For the audience at home, take a look at this.
28:04Look at this.
28:05MUSIC PLAYS
28:09That was the brilliant Echo Belly with
28:24I Can't Imagine The World Without Me.
28:26But can you tell me which of our line-up is their bass player,
28:29Alex Kieser?
28:31Is it?
28:32Number one, Echo Belly.
28:34Number two, Andrea Bocelli.
28:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:41Number three, erotic dreams about Lorraine Kelly.
28:45LAUGHTER
28:46Number four, why are my fingers always so smelly?
28:49LAUGHTER
28:50Or number five, I feel so lonely, please rub my belly.
28:55LAUGHTER
28:56There you go, Noel.
28:57LAUGHTER
28:58That's a selection of very different men.
29:00Yeah.
29:02Is there anyone we can rule out early duels?
29:04LAUGHTER
29:06Well, I remember playing lots of gigs back in the day with Usa.
29:10You did play gigs with them?
29:11Yeah.
29:12I know it's not number five,
29:14cos I reckon I'd been out on loads of mad benders with him.
29:17With number five?
29:18Mm-hm.
29:19Yeah, I'm not sure he's the bass player in Echo Belly.
29:22Oh, all right.
29:23So you've been on the piss for number five,
29:25but he might not be in Echo Belly.
29:27LAUGHTER
29:29Is this the bass player?
29:30Bass player for Echo Belly.
29:31Cos from this angle, number one looks like he hasn't got any arms.
29:33LAUGHTER
29:38Number two is speaking to me.
29:41Is he?
29:42He's speaking to me as well.
29:43He doesn't love nothing but the sea.
29:46LAUGHTER
29:47Who?
29:48Number two.
29:49Stares at the ocean.
29:50LAUGHTER
29:53You get a lot of tool based players.
29:54Tool based players.
29:55I'd say number three.
29:56I think number three looks like he's capable of killing.
29:59LAUGHTER
30:04What do you think about number four?
30:05Number four, if he was in Echo Belly, then...
30:08I'll be very shocked.
30:11LAUGHTER
30:12I feel like number four's a genie if you rub a vape.
30:15LAUGHTER
30:16LAUGHTER
30:17LAUGHTER
30:18LAUGHTER
30:19LAUGHTER
30:21LAUGHTER
30:23LAUGHTER
30:24No, seriously, Danny,
30:25you think you've been on the piss for number five,
30:27but he's not in the band.
30:29He's not in the band.
30:30He's not in the band.
30:31Listen, I've been on benders with a lot of people,
30:33and I've definitely been on the bender with him.
30:36All right, no see, final answer, let's go.
30:38You choose.
30:39I'd say three as well.
30:41I'd say three as well.
30:42I'd back you.
30:43OK.
30:44Lock it in, number three.
30:45Number three, locked in.
30:47Will the real Alex Kieser please step forward?
30:51Oh, it's number four.
30:52Fuck.
30:56LAUGHTER
30:57CHEERING
31:02Hello, love.
31:05You're a trickster, aren't you?
31:06You're a trickster.
31:07This is different times, though.
31:09This is different times.
31:10So, Alex.
31:11Thanks for coming on.
31:12You're welcome.
31:13What's happening?
31:14Are you Echo Belly playing at the moment?
31:15No.
31:16OK.
31:17LAUGHTER
31:18Let's hear it for Alex Kieser, the rest of the logo!
31:21APPLAUSE
31:26OK, there's this team.
31:27Your turn.
31:28For the audience at home, take a look at this.
31:30So silly things
31:33Are always easy to blame
31:38Try to grow up
31:41Don't always be the same
31:44APPLAUSE
31:45That was Paris Angels with Perfume.
31:50Bez's team.
31:51What I want to know
31:52Is which of our line-up is the singer
31:54Ricky Turner from the band?
31:56Is it?
31:57Number one, Perfume.
31:59Number two, Fart.
32:00Number three, Eggy.
32:02Number four, Burn.
32:03Number five, Pin Juice.
32:05Pin Juice.
32:06Over to you, Ben's team.
32:07What's your opinion?
32:08I think number four requested the biggest jeans they had.
32:09Yeah, yeah.
32:10Fuck me, they are big.
32:11Fuck, they create their own ecosystem.
32:12Fuck me.
32:13I think number five looks so comfortable in that hat.
32:15Raw.
32:16Yeah, yeah.
32:17Raw.
32:18Yeah, I feel bad for number five.
32:19We shouldn't be here.
32:20We should be in the crowd for time team.
32:21What about number three's hat?
32:22Is that a Manchester hat?
32:23It looks like a lovely old lady's sub hat.
32:24Let's have some facts.
32:25Ricky lives in Manchester.
32:26Oh, here we go.
32:27The research has been at work.
32:28There we go.
32:29Ricky's favourite colour is black.
32:30Here we go.
32:31Ricky's favourite colour is black.
32:32Oh, I think a lot of people are so comfortable in that hat.
32:33I think a lot of people are so comfortable in that hat.
32:34Raw.
32:35Yeah, I feel bad for number five.
32:36We shouldn't be here.
32:37We should be in the crowd for time team.
32:38What about number three's hat?
32:39Is that a Manchester hat?
32:40It looks like a lovely old ladies sub hat.
32:45Let's have some facts.
32:46Ricky lives in Manchester.
32:47Oh, here we go.
32:49The research has been at work.
32:51There we go.
32:55Ricky's favourite colour is black.
32:57Oh, hang on.
32:59This is interesting.
33:00Ricky is terrified of sponges.
33:02He doesn't like how they feel.
33:06It nauseates him.
33:07Who might be scared of sponges?
33:10Look, I'm this drawing.
33:12I think it's number one, man.
33:13That's a Mancunian face right there.
33:14Look at him.
33:15He's the final boss.
33:17All right.
33:19Well, don't take your final guess until I give you this fact here.
33:22This is fucking mental.
33:26If Ricky could travel back in time, he would love to show a caveman a 1980s ghetto blaster.
33:32Well, we've got history with the Paris Angels.
33:38And I have as well.
33:40Yeah, so I know Ricky.
33:41Oh.
33:42But whoever's styled him for this.
33:44He's done well, hadn't he?
33:45You know what?
33:46I was like that.
33:47Which one's Ricky there?
33:48You know what I mean?
33:49Do you think it might be number two?
33:50Yeah, because he's a really good-looking lad.
33:52Yeah.
33:53Oh, can we have a different line-up?
33:55Yeah.
33:56Okay.
33:57Final guess.
33:58I think number one.
33:59Bears, team captain?
34:01Well, obviously, I don't agree with number one.
34:04What do you think?
34:05Yeah, number one.
34:06Number one it is.
34:07Is it number one because you know him?
34:09Well, yeah.
34:10Yeah.
34:11It still could be wrong.
34:14Let's find out if you're right.
34:17Will the real Ricky Turner please step forward?
34:21Woo!
34:22Yes, Ricky.
34:23Oh, yeah.
34:24There's your team.
34:25You're right.
34:26It's Ricky Turner.
34:27Yeah.
34:28Ricky, thanks for coming on.
34:30What are you up to at the moment?
34:32I work at Spirit Studios in Manchester.
34:33No, it's all.
34:34That's it for Ricky Turner and the rest of our guests.
34:35It's Ricky Turner.
34:36And at the end of that round, the Noles team have one point.
34:37And the Bears team have three points.
34:38Time for a break.
34:39We'll see you in a bit.
34:40Woo!
34:41Woo!
34:42Woo!
34:43Woo!
34:44Woo!
34:45Woo!
34:46Woo!
34:47Woo!
34:48Woo!
34:49Woo!
34:50Woo!
34:51Woo!
34:52Woo!
34:53Woo!
34:55Woo!
34:56Woo!
34:57Woo!
34:58Woo!
34:59Woo!
35:00Woo!
35:01Woo!
35:02Woo!
35:08Woo!
35:10Welcome back to number one of the Vs cards...
35:11...Manchester versus Britpop!
35:15It's now time to play our new game...
35:18...Uppers and Downers!
35:25Where there, there are two piles of cards.
35:27One with Manchester hits and one with Britpop hits.
35:30We'll show you one of each, and all you have to do is to correctly tell me which one charted higher for a point for your team.
35:37But I can't do this all by myself. I need some assistance.
35:40So, in Manchester's corner, please welcome the Manchester Maraca!
35:54And in Britpop's corner, please give it up for Milky from Coffee and TV!
36:00Just to limit your expectations, if you think there's going to be band members inside those costumes, then forget it.
36:12It's two very badly paid members of production.
36:23Manchester Maraca, what is your first song?
36:28That's right, folks.
36:30The costumes are impractical.
36:33It's Waterfall by the Stone Roses.
36:40And Milky, you poor bastard.
36:43What are you going with?
36:45Oh!
36:47It's Oasis Supersonics. I'm a little blessed to laugh.
36:50Right, who do we think charted higher? You can discuss it with your team-mates.
37:00Oh, no, I think I'm not.
37:01Oh, charted higher.
37:03We've never had teams take something so seriously.
37:06It is. It is serious, man.
37:08I'm absolutely delighted. Carry on.
37:10It's serious.
37:11I don't know. I don't know. I weren't around.
37:14Go on, I will go with you. You're a good idea.
37:16Yeah, I don't know.
37:16Give me your answer.
37:17Oasis was higher.
37:18I think we would say the same.
37:20You're both saying Oasis charted higher.
37:22Yeah.
37:23Milky, Maraca, could you please reveal your chart position?
37:27Higher.
37:28Oh, wow.
37:28This is good. This is good telly, isn't it?
37:37It's very good. Yeah.
37:40It's going to be starting, right?
37:49Oh, my God.
37:51Super Sonic picked at 31, losing to Waterfall at 27.
38:11So, you're both wrong.
38:12Right.
38:12Shame on you.
38:13OK.
38:15Call me suspicious.
38:16I think the audience are enjoying this game for the wrong reasons.
38:21All right.
38:34Song two.
38:35Manchester, Maraca.
38:36What's your next song?
38:45Spiral carpets.
38:46This is how it feels.
38:51And Milky.
38:59Quite a confident little swagger there from Milky.
39:03Oh, another banger.
39:05It's Pumping on Your Stereo by Supergrass.
39:07You can all have a guess.
39:16I've got no idea.
39:17Who do you think charted higher?
39:20Surely one of you two knows this.
39:21We are going for Supergrass on this one.
39:23What do you think then, Danny?
39:25Do you think you came in higher than carpets?
39:27No, I'd always go for one of my favourite ever bands in spiral carpets, but I don't know.
39:31What do you reckon?
39:32Well, I mean, I wasn't in either of those bands, so...
39:35Well, you should have asked.
39:38You should have asked.
39:38I just had a second.
39:39I was second out of it.
39:40I can't see.
39:40What do you think?
39:41Well, I didn't marry anyone in those bands.
39:46So, um...
39:46You should have asked.
39:47Danny, do you know what your result was for that, your chart result?
39:59I think that was 14, I think, I was.
40:01Oh, yeah.
40:01I got a feeling I was about eight, nine.
40:03Yeah, I think you were the winners on that one.
40:05Right, so you're saying Supergrass came in higher.
40:08Yeah.
40:09Supergrass are saying that they came in higher.
40:11Right.
40:12Spiral carpets are saying that they came in slightly lower.
40:16Yeah.
40:16We'll go with that.
40:18Is this like me saying to you, Greg, what socks are you wearing right now?
40:22Shush.
40:23I'm not thinking about my socks.
40:25I'm not thinking about the songs.
40:26Like the audience, I'm just waiting for these two pricks to have to take the...
40:29Take the numbers off the front.
40:34Milky, Maraca, can you please reveal your chart position?
40:41They can't see.
40:43They can't see it.
40:45Hey, Milky.
40:46Oh.
40:52Nobody.
40:56Hardy.
40:57Oh.
40:58Yay.
41:04You were right.
41:08Your number.
41:08Yeah.
41:09I mean, who'd have thought this would be getting the biggest reaction?
41:11Pumping on your stereo
41:14Peaked at number 11
41:15Beating, this is how it feels
41:18Came in at number 14
41:20So both teams get a point
41:22And at the end of that round
41:29Noel's team has two points
41:31And Bez's team has four points
41:32Let's say a big thank you to our fabulous assistants
41:39For Manchester United
41:41Just listening to the music tonight
41:56To be honest with you
41:57It's just, it's so joyful
41:59I kind of don't relate to much music these days
42:03And this has just been like, you know
42:05Sort of your patchy youth
42:06Hasn't it?
42:08It's a real celebration
42:10Sorry to get all deep there
42:11Right, it's time for next lines
42:19I'll give you the first line
42:20You tell me the next one
42:21You get a point
42:22Simple as that
42:22You're up against the clock
42:24This could be important
42:26Noel's team
42:29You're up first
42:29And your time starts
42:31Now confidence is a preference
42:33For the habitual voyeur
42:34Of what is known as
42:36Park life
42:36Correct, blur, park life
42:37He sips another rum and coke
42:39And told a dirty joke
42:42Ocean colour scene
42:43The day we caught the train
42:44We are young
42:45We run green
42:46We are free
42:47Teef, nice and clean
42:48Teef, nice and clean
42:49Supergrass, all right
42:50Yes, there's love if you want it
42:52Love if you want it
42:53Don't sound like the sonnet
42:55The verb sonnet
42:56Oh, Deborah, do you recall?
42:58The wood chip on the wall
42:59Nope
43:00Ah, your house was very small
43:01Very small
43:02Disco 2000
43:03She got one in the oven
43:05Oven
43:06Oasis?
43:07But it's nothing to do with me
43:08Oasis, she's electric
43:09Yes
43:09I don't understand
43:10How a heart is a spade
43:12But somehow the vital connection is made
43:16Elastica connection
43:17If it's good enough for you
43:18It's good enough for me
43:21Correct, dodgy, good enough
43:23Do you remember the time
43:24Well done, old team
43:31You've got four right
43:32Okay, Bess's team
43:33Here's yours
43:34You need three points to win
43:35Come on
43:36You're against the clock
43:37And your time
43:39Starts
43:42Now
43:43Oh, sit down
43:44Oh, sit down
43:44Oh, sit down
43:45Sit down next to me
43:46Correct, James
43:47Sit down
43:47She'll carry on through it all
43:49She's a waterfall
43:50The stone rose is waterfall
43:51Don't you know
43:52He can make you forget
43:53You're a man
43:54You're a man
43:55Interesting, you're a melon, man
43:57Happy Mondays
43:58Step off
43:58You see, wait, you said it
44:02Oh, it's my fault
44:04Can you dig it?
44:07Oh, yeah
44:07Can you dig it?
44:09Yeah, correct
44:10The mock turtles
44:11Can you dig it?
44:12Itchy and scratchy
44:13Come running up the alley
44:14Charlotten
44:15If you'll be good
44:16I'll be good to your daddy
44:17The Charlotten's
44:17North Country boy
44:18Husband don't know
44:19What he's done
44:20Kids don't know
44:21What's wrong with mum
44:22Correct
44:22In spiral carpets
44:23This is how it feels
44:24Yippie yippie
44:26I had to crucify somebody today
44:29Some brothers
44:30I'll give it to you
44:31Happy Mondays
44:31Kinky Afro
44:32I can see her
44:33Here she comes
44:34Stone roses
44:35Here she comes
44:37She bangs the drums
44:38Stone roses
44:39She bangs the drums
44:40That sound means
44:48It's the end of the round
44:48And it's the end of the show
44:49And I can tell you
44:50That Noel's team
44:51Have six points
44:52But the winners
44:53With nine points
44:54There's this team
44:55Thanks to Tomali
45:01Bess
45:02Clint
45:02Patsy
45:03Noel and Danny
45:04Good night
45:24Good night
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