- 12 minutes ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01Ready, bro?
00:02Yeah, man. I'm loaded.
00:03And I'm bloated.
00:04All right.
00:05Okay, man, I just gotta give Cousin Leon the lowdown
00:07before we fly out.
00:08I can't believe you're gonna let Cousin Leon
00:10stay here by himself while we're at the casino.
00:12Your mag's betting with your store, bro.
00:14No, man, he'll be fine.
00:15Cousin Leon, get in here.
00:16What do you need, boss?
00:17All right, man, we're heading out for some Cousin Bro time.
00:20Oh, we haven't been to the casino in forever.
00:23Yeah, last time I was there,
00:24I won 600 bucks playing blackjack,
00:27and I shit my pants.
00:28Now that is dedication.
00:31I can't wait to win,
00:32and then I can't wait to shit.
00:33All right.
00:35So we're back tomorrow.
00:37You're in charge.
00:39You got it. Whatever you need.
00:40All right, man.
00:41So when you lock up, kill the lates,
00:43but more importantly,
00:44put the I-E in the I-E.
00:47The what in the what?
00:48Put the I-E in the I-E.
00:51Say again.
00:52Guy, put the I-E into the I-E.
00:55Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:57Put the I-E in the I-E.
00:59Gotcha. Very important.
01:00All right.
01:01Easy peasy.
01:02Measy.
01:05Hey, where can I find the I-E?
01:07Uh...
01:10Over there?
01:11Yes, I can love you, baby.
01:14All night long.
01:18All right.
01:19Before we get in there and go all in,
01:21remember, time out your bathroom breaks
01:23at the BLT machines.
01:24You think I don't know that, bro?
01:26You get up to pay to cook them soups in
01:28and steals your jackpot.
01:29Yeah, we can't have that.
01:31You know, I heard, uh,
01:33some people wear diapers
01:34so they don't, uh, lose their machine.
01:35What?
01:36Diapers are for babies, man.
01:38Yeah, man.
01:39Not for grown dudes like us.
01:40That's weird, right?
01:41Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking
01:43when you said it.
01:44It's weird.
01:45Yeah.
01:46It makes me so mad just thinking about it.
01:48What could you imagine, though?
01:50No way, man.
01:51If I wore a diaper,
01:53I wouldn't tell anybody about it.
01:55No matter how comfortable they are.
01:57All right.
01:59Time to lock in.
02:00Best bros forever?
02:01Best cousin, bro.
02:03Yeah.
02:12Hey.
02:13How'd you sleep?
02:14Pretty good.
02:15You?
02:16Not bad.
02:17How's your day looking?
02:18Big day.
02:19I have to record two more videos,
02:20then I have to do a live Q&A
02:22for some of my fans,
02:23and then I have to edit and upload.
02:24Oh, I hear that.
02:26I got a pretty big day, too.
02:27Oh, yeah?
02:28Yeah, you know.
02:29Big, big day of fucking with lips.
02:31What lips do?
02:32What do you mean?
02:33It's lips.
02:34I always fuck with lips.
02:35Oh.
02:36Okay.
02:37Well, I didn't know that.
02:38Yeah.
02:39Sophia and Tavis are coming over later
02:40for a meeting,
02:41and we gotta pick up some supplies,
02:43lots of planning, you know.
02:45Okay.
02:46Well, good luck with that, I guess.
02:48Yeah, you too.
02:49Work, am I right?
02:51Yeah.
02:52Another case of the Mondays.
02:56It's Thursday.
03:00Thanks again.
03:01And did we have what you were looking for?
03:03Yeah, man.
03:04That's my guy.
03:13Psst.
03:14It's me.
03:15Huh?
03:18Can I, uh, help you?
03:19What?
03:20You're too good for me now.
03:21You again.
03:22Yeah, it's me again.
03:24The real you.
03:26That guy's gone.
03:27Then why am I here?
03:31Let's destroy this place.
03:33For all times.
03:34That's a bad idea.
03:35You are done with him.
03:38My good side!
03:39Think about Deed.
03:40He trusted you when nobody else would.
03:42He never trusted you.
03:43You're just his lap dog.
03:44I am dog.
03:45Then why is there a bowl of water on the ground?
03:47That's, uh, Deans.
03:49I don't ask questions.
03:51He's not your friend, bro.
03:52Don't listen to him!
03:54So he trusted you.
03:55But now it's time to prove him wrong.
03:57What did you have in mind?
03:58Let's put this dump out of business.
03:59Get around a hose in here and flood the place.
04:01No.
04:02Too easy.
04:03We could cover everything on honey and let some bears in.
04:05No!
04:06That's too hard.
04:07Wait, that's actually a good idea.
04:08No!
04:09I'm the good conscience.
04:11It's a bad idea.
04:12Because it just is.
04:17Come on, do it!
04:19Shit!
04:20It's my bad conscience.
04:22Get out of here!
04:23Whatever you say, governor.
04:26Oh.
04:27What are you looking at?
04:28Wanker.
04:29Come on, Leon.
04:30You make a great team.
04:31Like Siegfried and Roy.
04:33Ignore him!
04:34Roy got attacked by his own tiger.
04:36He's the tiger!
04:37Looks like you're having a hard time making a decision.
04:42Why don't I give you a hand?
04:53Man!
04:54These machines aren't hitting!
04:55Don't worry, bro.
04:56These machines gotta be broken in.
04:57Just like rubber boots.
04:58You heard it first.
04:59But you'll be sloshing in the cash.
05:02Fuck sakes, man!
05:05Bro, man, you can't put a price on good bro time.
05:09Best bro cousins?
05:10Best bro cousins!
05:12Come on!
05:13Focus!
05:14On three!
05:15On three!
05:16One!
05:17Two!
05:18Three!
05:19Tech survey?
05:20Check.
05:21Found the breaker to kill the lights.
05:22Hey, chickadee?
05:23Do you guys mind?
05:24I'm in the middle of a Q&A.
05:25Uh, yeah, yeah.
05:26One sec, one sec.
05:27Did you get the supplies?
05:28I got enough glue to stick together every house in Grouse Lane.
05:29Yes!
05:30Uh... you good babe?
05:31I can't record with all the noise.
05:32Oh shit, that's my bad, but it's gonna be so worth it.
05:34Fucking with lips?
05:35Absolutely.
05:36Don't get so much for us.
05:37No, I'm not.
05:38No.
05:39It's not me.
05:41Yeah, yeah, I'm not.
05:43Hey the fuck?
05:44Hey!
05:45You ready?
05:46I got it.
05:47You ready?
05:48You ready?
05:49The fuck?
05:50No!
05:51I'm not.
05:52I can't record with all the noise.
05:54Oh shit, that's my bad, but it's gonna be so worth it.
05:57Fucking with lips?
05:58Totally.
05:59Are you done your little video? You should come with us.
06:01I really have a lot of work to do.
06:03Come on. I've seen you at your work. Come see what I do.
06:07But I have to get this done.
06:09I put out new content every Thursday.
06:11What's the rush? It's only Monday.
06:19Tell him to back off.
06:21Don't listen to him, Leon.
06:22Just give me time to think.
06:24We don't need to resort to violence.
06:26Right, Leon?
06:27I guess.
06:28Oh.
06:29We don't need to resort to violence.
06:30You scared, you little ween?
06:32Shut up.
06:33I just can't think.
06:34He's right. It's pointless to fight.
06:36Let's bury the hatchet.
06:38Because on Leon's sake.
06:39Bring it in.
06:42Oh, that's more like...
06:46Hard enough yet?
06:47Say uncle!
06:48Uncle!
06:50I thought he'd never leave.
06:58Now we can get some real work done.
07:05Come on.
07:07Come on.
07:17Wow, wow, wow.
07:19Couldn't help but notice you two from across the room.
07:22Thanks, Ben.
07:23Look like a couple of sweet bros.
07:25Of course we are.
07:26Allow me to introduce myself.
07:28I'm Esquire Esquire.
07:30The first.
07:31Wow.
07:32A name so nice, they gave it to you twice.
07:34No, man.
07:35He's one of those fancy horse jumpers.
07:36I thought you guys were all short.
07:37Nah.
07:38You're thinking of a jockey, bro.
07:40Oh, a jockey.
07:41Like for your nuts.
07:42Yeah.
07:43Does that pay well?
07:44Yes.
07:45Look at you two.
07:48Such playful broisms.
07:50So lively and magnetic.
07:52I was drawn to you.
07:54You were?
07:55You see, I spent so much of my time amassing my fortune that I've never had time for a bro of my own.
08:02Fortune?
08:03I don't want to get into numbers, but let's just say it's thousands of dollars.
08:10Wow.
08:11A real thousandaire.
08:17That's a nice best bro you got there.
08:19Real nice.
08:20Yeah, we're also best cousins.
08:22I have a proposal for you.
08:27I'm listening.
08:33What if I offered $1,500 to hang with your bro for the day?
08:39He's a pretty sweet hang.
08:42Hey, you're not some kind of brovert, are you?
08:44I just want a good hang.
08:46Nothing weird.
08:47And if I have to grease the wheels for that, I have the means.
08:51Well, I'm not some sort of piece of meat that you can sell or buy for a quick hang, man.
08:57Yeah, there's nothing meaty about them.
08:59Except for those sweet cheeks.
09:00And these sweet cheeks only has room for one best friend, and he also happens to be my cousin.
09:07Yeah.
09:16So what's the prank?
09:17It's epic.
09:18This might just be my Michelangelo.
09:20You mean Sistine Chapel?
09:21Nah, babe.
09:22The Ninja Turtle.
09:23He was funny as shit.
09:25I kind of want pizza now.
09:27Okay.
09:28Shh.
09:36Holy heck.
09:42Everything's glued down.
09:43Everything's glued down.
09:45Cool.
09:51What the?
09:52Who's doing that?
09:53I'm coming out there.
09:58What's on my arse?
09:59Hey!
10:00I'll get you, kids.
10:05Here's your dry nachos.
10:07Man, I can't believe that Thousandare tried to give me $1,500 for my bro time.
10:12I feel gross.
10:14Yeah, man.
10:15But you know, there's probably some deadly perks of that kind of scratch.
10:19How dare you try to sell out my brodom like that?
10:21Think of all the VLTs we could lose with that kind of money.
10:24I am getting sick of eating dry nachos.
10:26We could get the supreme ones with cheese.
10:28Man, those are for only sultans and kings.
10:31I'm just saying, man.
10:32It's one day.
10:33We could split the cash.
10:34Why are we splitting the cash when I'm doing all the hanging out?
10:37Because you're my bro and he asked me.
10:40This is free money, bro.
10:41Fine.
10:42Alright.
10:43I'll do it.
10:44Where is this bro-vert anyway?
10:47I'm right here.
10:48Thousandare.
10:49This is for you.
10:51I made the right choice.
10:56Be gentle with them, please.
10:58I will.
10:59Ani, I'm Dr. Tenderfeather.
11:04Does your significant other prioritize the wrong things?
11:07Waste their potential?
11:08Surround themselves with loafers?
11:11Borrow money because they ran out of child tax?
11:16An eagle cannot soar with the weight of a mooch on their back.
11:22In this eight-part series, we will use the seven sacred teachings to determine if you are dating a loser.
11:28Hey, babe.
11:29What you watching?
11:33Hey.
11:34Uh, what do you want for dinner?
11:35Oh, I can't eat.
11:36I'm working on a big art project.
11:38Uh, the paint might have fumes, so maybe you want to head out for a couple hours so you don't get dizzy.
11:43Art project?
11:45That's great.
11:46Yeah, yeah, no problem.
11:48Hey.
11:49It's great that you're putting your energy towards something other than pranking lips.
11:53Oh, oh, do you think I could borrow a few bucks?
11:56The paints are kind of expensive and I ran out of child tax.
11:59Child tax?
12:01How do you still get child tax in your twenties?
12:03The government gives it to my mom and she gives it to her best girl.
12:06I don't think that's how child tax works.
12:09It is.
12:10Trust me.
12:14Can't wait to see what you come up with.
12:16Yeah, man.
12:17I can't wait to see the look on Lips' face.
12:25All right, what do you want to do first?
12:28The floods?
12:29Or the bears?
12:30I kind of want to fuck with people.
12:32I like it. Start slow.
12:34Gross Lakers never liked you anyway.
12:36I mean...
12:40Just one for the day.
12:42Doctors have cut back.
12:43Is that all the doctor said?
12:45Yeah, why?
12:46Because you smell like buttholes and wet onions.
12:49I'm never coming here again!
12:54That's right.
12:56These are the same people that BCR'd you.
12:58And for what?
12:59Yeah, right?
13:00The bad checks and some upper deckers.
13:02The health center can't take a joke.
13:03Then why say laughter is the best medicine?
13:14Don't need no halo in heaven.
13:21Just bring a basket full of winks.
13:24We got hot dogs and old champagne.
13:35Spanish pot dream on the box.
13:43What's so funny?
13:45You! We're laughing at you!
13:48Stop laughing.
13:49Everyone, stop laughing!
13:51Calm your jeet seat, Boston.
13:53But we're laughing at your hams.
13:55Who did this?
13:56Tell me who did this?
13:57Or you all BCR'd!
14:00Lips are sealed lips.
14:02I ain't no snitch.
14:09Chicky.
14:16I know it's early on in our brohood.
14:19But when you know, you know.
14:21Is that what I think it is?
14:22Is that what I think it is?
14:29It's like a best friend's locket.
14:32But it beads us together.
14:34Forever.
14:40It's so beautiful.
14:41I'm gonna level with you, bro.
14:44I'm looking for a full-time best bro.
14:48Esquire.
14:50This is all so sudden.
14:52It seems that way, but I'm tired of ordering the bro-sized bucket of chicken just so the delivery guy thinks I have a friend.
14:58That's no way to live.
14:59I have a one-car garage and an inflatable pool just waiting to be brod-outed.
15:04Do you have lots of pop at your house?
15:06Name brand pop?
15:07All you can drink?
15:08Hmm.
15:09Dean has lots of pop, but there are no name brands at Yeah Man's.
15:11They always leave a funny taste in my mouth.
15:13Dean?
15:14The same Dean who sold you for 15 hondo?
15:18You're worth at least 200 more.
15:20At least.
15:21Yeah.
15:22He's probably sitting by himself at some seafood buffet.
15:25That's what I'm saying.
15:27And I don't want to brag or anything, but I also leased a certified pre-owned Kia Sorento.
15:34All-wheel drive?
15:35Is there any other kind?
15:36Listen, pal.
15:37Unless you've got money or a cousin, you've got to get out of here.
15:52Come in.
15:54Is Chickadee home?
15:56Police business.
15:57I'll be quick.
15:58Is this about the pants?
16:00Kind of, yeah.
16:02Ooh.
16:03Sorry.
16:04I don't know where Chickadee is.
16:05What's this about?
16:06Warning, ma'am.
16:07What I'm about to show you is a little disturbing.
16:13You think Chickadee did this?
16:14It has her name on it.
16:15Yeah.
16:16You sure that isn't the Chickadee from Sagin?
16:18Very sure.
16:19It's like, actually good.
16:23The brush strokes are hauntingly beautiful.
16:26Beautiful, but evil.
16:28This needs to stop.
16:29I'm sure Chickadee's sorry.
16:31Sorry about the time she stole my cruiser?
16:33Made counterfeit lottery tickets?
16:35Reverse moved some toilets?
16:37Catfishing me into believing I was going to be a backup dancer for Shania Twain?
16:41She...
16:42She did all that?
16:43That's just the light stuff.
16:44Oh.
16:50Oh, hey.
16:53So what's with the bags?
16:56I don't think you're ready for a serious relationship.
16:58Whatever.
16:59This is just a fight.
17:00Couples fight.
17:01Remember?
17:02No.
17:03This is a breakup.
17:05You just can't see that you're a brilliant artist.
17:08And it hurts to watch you waste your talents.
17:11But I can make other paintings of lips.
17:14Or other shit.
17:15I tried to be cool about all the pranks, but it's just not me.
17:20And it's not fair of me to ask you to change.
17:26I'm not just into pranks.
17:28I got lot sales going on.
17:30Really?
17:35Goodbye, Chickadee.
17:37All right.
17:38If we leave now, we can beat traffic and still catch comedian Chris Kislavskis.
17:44Cool.
17:45He's Manitoba's 18th most popular comedian.
17:49I just gotta call PJ and make sure they put him down for a nap.
17:52Who's that?
17:53Your dog?
17:54No.
17:55Paul Jr.
17:56You know?
17:57Lil' PJ.
17:58PJ the DJ.
17:59Lil' Bij.
18:00Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
18:01You never said anything about having a kid.
18:03You never asked me.
18:05So say we're broin' down hard.
18:09You're telling me there's a baby just crawling around?
18:12Yeah, but he's a baby bro.
18:16Do you really think that I've amassed literally thousands of dollars by wasting my time with babies?
18:24So you're saying we can't bro down because I have a baby bro?
18:29Bro?
18:30Yeah.
18:31That's what I'm saying.
18:32Well, guess what?
18:34We were never really bros to begin with.
18:40Oh.
18:41Oh, you're turning your back on me?
18:44Esquire, Esquire the First!
18:46You'll never find another bro like me.
18:48Good luck!
18:53What are you all looking at?
18:55I could buy this whole place for half an hour if I wanted to!
19:05Why?
19:10It's a solid machine.
19:11We could sell it easily.
19:12Dean won't need one when they're out of business.
19:15Not so fast.
19:16Good Leon?
19:18But I wedged you to smithereens!
19:20So you thought.
19:21But guess what?
19:23Good always wins.
19:26Except for most of history.
19:28Well, there was...
19:30No, you're right.
19:31Kind of sad, really.
19:33That's coming from a real prick like me.
19:34Deeped out.
19:36Leod wants to be good.
19:38Is it true?
19:39Well, if it wasn't...
19:41Would it be noogie time?
19:43Get him!
19:45It's noogie time!
19:49See, auntie!
19:51Auntie!
19:52Hey!
19:59Now put the store back together again before Dean gets back.
20:02You got it.
20:03And for Frank's sakes, put the IE in the IE like you promised.
20:06Maybe true IE is the friends we made along the way.
20:11No, that's stupid. Just put the IE in the IE.
20:18What are you doing back?
20:20Hey, Dean.
20:21Oh, what's the matter?
20:22Got tired of all that brand name Pop?
20:24I'm sorry I can only afford Sprint and Coca-Cola.
20:27Look, man. We both made that deal.
20:30But at the end of the day, you're still my number one bro, man.
20:34So...
20:36I'm the better bro?
20:38The best.
20:40Look what I got you.
20:42A medallion? For me?
20:44Yeah, you wear one half, and I'll wear the other.
20:47Uh-huh.
20:50Now, let's go get some nachos.
20:53Whoa!
20:55With quadruple cheese?
20:56The supreme baby!
20:58Ah!
21:02Hey, you got any baby wipes?
21:04Hey, you guys are back!
21:05I can't believe Cousin Leon didn't sell everything out the back!
21:08Yeah, good job, bro. He even dusted the...
21:10Wait a second...
21:12You didn't put the IE in the IE!
21:13I thought I did!
21:14Unreal!
21:15It's not that hard! IE straight into the IE!
21:16A baby could do it!
21:17Man, I'm so mad right now!
21:18You had one job!
21:20Every time I hear a song, I always wonder who
21:24What grown up their singing boat, and all their troubles too
21:29But are they all just make-believe to me?
21:31What?
21:32What?
21:33What?
21:34What?
21:35What?
21:36What?
21:37What?
21:38What?
21:39What?
21:40What?
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21:51What?
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