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00:01Gather round, Grouse Lakers.
00:03Here's the day we've all been waiting for.
00:06The annual Berry Picker Festival Dinner and Talent Show.
00:10And here's the greatest talent of them all,
00:13your host, DJ Roger Laughingstick.
00:24Ahem.
00:25Sha, quit the humming.
00:27Pick a lozenge or some shit.
00:29Let's do it again, then.
00:32He's your host, Roger Laughingstick.
00:38Hey, boy! We're visiting!
00:44Yes, I can love you, baby, all night long.
00:53I said silence!
00:55Ole!
00:56Just killing the vibe!
00:58All right, then.
01:01Dinner will be served throughout the show.
01:04But before we get to the first act,
01:06let's have a few words with last year's Mr. Berry Picker.
01:11So you're exact for him, eh?
01:21Whatever.
01:22So, you've been Mr. Berry Picker all year.
01:25How does it feel?
01:26I don't know.
01:28You must have felt something.
01:30I don't know.
01:32Jesus Christ.
01:36Like blueberries.
01:37Would you please sit down?
01:40We love you, Mr. Berry Picker.
01:43Yeah.
01:44Before the night's done, we'll crown a new Mr. Berry Picker.
01:51And catch the surprise guest performance.
01:54Charles Brunson?
01:56Steven Seagal?
01:57Billy Jack?
01:58He's not even real.
02:01Liar!
02:02It's none of those people.
02:04Sorry to relate, everybody.
02:05Rose was yelling at me before we left.
02:08He's not even on stage.
02:13Sorry, Roger.
02:15Oh, isn't this a great start.
02:18Killer seats, Dean.
02:19Perfect heckling range.
02:22I told you, no heckling tonight.
02:24But it's part of the show.
02:26The best part.
02:27It's been ages since we went out.
02:29I just want one quiet night, no loud babies.
02:32Please?
02:33Okay, babe.
02:35Without further aye,
02:38it's time to introduce our first act.
02:41He's Manitoba's 18th most popular comedian,
02:45all the way from Poplar River First Nation.
02:48Here's Chris Kozlaskus.
02:51Boo!
02:52Boo!
02:53What kind of native man has a last name like that anyway?
02:57You just said no heckling.
03:00It's part of the show, babe.
03:02Tell us a joke already, man.
03:04I just got up here.
03:05Well, it sounds like it's time for you to get off.
03:08Yeah, yeah.
03:10Well, see, it's part of the show.
03:13So, how's everyone doing tonight?
03:16I'm doing okay.
03:17My back hurts a little bit, though.
03:19Sorry about your back.
03:21Hey, man.
03:22Don't you worry about it.
03:25Nice conversation, bro.
03:27Okay.
03:29Hi.
03:30We be friends.
03:31Pretend that anyone come out yet, okay?
03:34Hmm.
03:35How's it going in?
03:37Wow.
03:38I just wouldn't use those for this job.
03:42Okay, Agnes.
03:43I know you've cooked these events on your own
03:45for the last 20 years, but I got this.
03:48Of course.
03:50I know it's your kitchen now.
03:53I'm just here for moral support.
03:56Hmm.
03:57You know, if you put it on your shoulder
04:00like a little pet muskrat,
04:02it gives you really quick access.
04:07Okay, I'm just here if you need me.
04:10If I need you.
04:11Excuse me.
04:12People?
04:13How's it looking, Stephen Harper?
04:14Well, they're really giving it to Roger,
04:16so I think they're getting hungry.
04:17Okay.
04:18Gather around, people.
04:19We've got a hundred people to feed,
04:21so no fucking around.
04:22Got it?
04:23Yes, Chef.
04:24Then get to work.
04:25Now.
04:30Your mood can affect the food.
04:33You must have love in your heart
04:35so that the people can taste it.
04:37Well, this food is going to taste like
04:40rock and fucking roll.
04:44What is that?
04:46And that's all right!
04:53Let's hear it one more time
04:55for Chris Kozlowskis and the Hecklers.
05:01Moving on.
05:02Our next act tells me
05:05he has the access codes
05:07to your unconscious mind.
05:09Whatever that means.
05:11Give it up for Nigel Voigt,
05:13the Hypnotist.
05:16You may forget your name,
05:18but you'll always remember mine.
05:20Nigel Voigt!
05:26Oh, buddy!
05:27This guy's going to get it!
05:28It's almost too easy,
05:29like choking fish in a barrel.
05:31I need two brave volunteers.
05:34You!
05:35And you!
05:36Enter the void!
05:37You call this bannock?
05:38My ancestors would haunt you for this!
05:39Maybe the bannock wouldn't be so hard
05:40if you would just lighten up a bit.
05:41You're still on with this.
05:43Okay.
05:44You want this pickle to be the star of the night?
05:46Watch.
05:48I need pickerel.
05:49Miigwetch for giving your life to us.
05:50I hope that you really taste good.
05:51Aho!
05:52Oh, Mr. Potato.
05:53I love you so much.
05:54The sarcasm on you.
05:55The judgment from you!
05:56Don't argue in front of the food!
05:57No, the food needs to hear this!
05:58No, I'm not.
05:59I'm not.
06:00I'm not.
06:01I'm not.
06:02I'm not.
06:03I'm not.
06:04I'm not.
06:05I'm not.
06:06I'm not.
06:07I'm not.
06:08I'm not.
06:09I'm not.
06:10I'm not.
06:11I'm not.
06:12Some of my fingers.
06:13Some of my fingers.
06:14Everybody in front of the food.
06:15Potato.
06:16I love you so much.
06:17The sarcasm on you.
06:18The judgment of you.
06:19Don't argue in front of the food.
06:22Nope.
06:23The food needs to hear this.
06:25When I snap my fingers,
06:26our two volunteers will stop being chickens.
06:29Can you sit down on my hand?
06:30One.
06:31Two.
06:32Three!
06:34Ooh.
06:35Wow!
06:36Somebody call a tow truck, man.
06:40This show's a wreck.
06:43And thank you to our lovely volunteers.
06:46Now, any smokers in the house?
06:49Oh, hey, any colonizers in the house?
06:54How am I a colonizer?
06:57Hey, man, first white people tried to steal our land,
06:59and now you're trying to steal our brains.
07:02Yeah, you're a mind colonizer.
07:05You two want to be in the show so bad.
07:08Why don't you two come on up here?
07:10You can't hypnotize these brains.
07:12Yeah, man, our skulls are too thick.
07:16Nigel Boyd can hypnotize anyone.
07:19Let's go.
07:20Why don't you two come on up and enter the void?
07:26Now, what you are about to witness
07:29is the most dangerous mind feat in all of hypnosis.
07:33The body's what?
07:35Hey, perfect.
07:37I want you two to slowly allow yourself to let go.
07:47I've never seen it happen that fast.
07:49Softest brains I've ever worked with.
07:51You're not going to like this,
07:56but they're starting to send the food back.
08:00Well, one table said the food tasted angry.
08:03Another table said the potatoes tasted too sarcastic.
08:07Hate to say I told you so.
08:10If you know better, you take over.
08:12Well, I couldn't do that.
08:13But since you asked...
08:15Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
08:22Ah, watch and learn, beanpole.
08:26Watch and learn.
08:29Hmm, hmm.
08:31You see each other at the end of a long tunnel.
08:34Now go to each other.
08:36Now, when I snap my fingers,
08:39the big one will enter the dumb one's body
08:42and vice versa.
08:44One, two, three!
08:47I told you, bro.
08:51We can't be hypnotized.
08:53Our minds like steel traps, bro.
08:55Wait a minute, bro.
08:58I'm you.
08:59And I'm you, bro.
09:02We've been freaky riding!
09:03Thank you, Gross Lake, and good night!
09:10Babe!
09:11Ah!
09:12Help!
09:13Oh, my God.
09:21Hey, man.
09:23You switch us back,
09:24you corporate seller,
09:25button-down,
09:26corn-fed
09:27marshmallow motherfucker.
09:30Yeah.
09:30I'm good.
09:32All right, fine.
09:32What do you want?
09:34I don't know.
09:35How about an apology
09:35for calling me a mind colonizer?
09:39That's an easy one.
09:40I'm sorry, bro.
09:42Okay, okay.
09:43Sorry you're a mind colonizer.
09:47Enjoy living each other's asses
09:49for the rest of your lives.
09:51Exit!
09:52The void.
09:53What the fuck?
09:54Just say sorry, bro.
09:56I'm tired of being in this gigantic body.
09:58I used to be able to jump.
10:01I don't negotiate
10:01with colonizers.
10:03In that case,
10:05go fuck yourself then!
10:07Apparently,
10:08this next act
10:09is educational
10:10and entertaining.
10:11So,
10:12entertainment?
10:13Boo!
10:15Just keep quiet
10:17and watch
10:18your next act.
10:20Oh, man.
10:21Oh, boy.
10:29I'm really hungry.
10:31I am, too.
10:33What should we eat?
10:34Boo!
10:35Boo!
10:36We have...
10:38fried chicken,
10:40fried bologna,
10:42fried milkshake.
10:44Let's dip it all in lard.
10:45Oh, no.
10:49Who could that be?
10:52Fuck!
10:53Eesh!
10:54Who is it?
10:55It is I.
10:57Evil cholesterol.
10:59Oh, no!
11:02Hi.
11:03I'm in every cell
11:04in your body.
11:06I also help your organs
11:07do their jobs.
11:09Do
11:10their
11:12jobs.
11:15But
11:16too much cholesterol?
11:18Ooh,
11:18it's a bad idea.
11:20Slow down, boy!
11:21We're learning!
11:22How do you spell
11:23cholesterol?
11:24K-U-L-A-S-S-T-R-E-L.
11:31You know,
11:32you really do have
11:33a lot to learn
11:34about cooking beanpole.
11:36Oh,
11:36you know,
11:37I know
11:37you and Rhonda.
11:40You know,
11:41you have to keep
11:42the kitchen
11:43safe.
11:45Like a nursery.
11:46And the food
11:48are the children.
11:52Why do you hate
11:54the children,
11:55beanpole?
11:56There's no way
11:56this makes a difference.
11:58If it's not a real
11:58ingredient,
11:59then who cares?
12:01So much
12:02to learn.
12:03What?
12:05Kiki-wap-a-man,
12:07sweet food.
12:08May it bless
12:09the mouths
12:09of those
12:10that eat it.
12:13That was
12:14a good one.
12:14You should write
12:15that down.
12:17Shemak.
12:20See,
12:21Paul,
12:21this is why
12:22you don't heckle.
12:23I'm not Paul,
12:24bro.
12:25It's Dean.
12:26Babe,
12:26it's me.
12:28See,
12:29Paul,
12:29this is why
12:30you don't heckle.
12:31Okay,
12:32so you knew
12:32my heckling
12:33would cause me
12:34to go into
12:35Dean's skinny-ass body?
12:36Shut your mouth.
12:38Or Dean's mouth.
12:39Oh,
12:40God damn,
12:41this skinny-ass body
12:42so cold
12:42there's no insulation.
12:43You smarten up
12:44or I'll start exercising.
12:46This body
12:46is in fact
12:47in reset mode,
12:48brah.
12:49What do you mean by that?
12:50I mean,
12:51I got a lot of room
12:53and I'm gonna fill it.
12:54Thanks for ruining
12:57my night.
12:59Babe,
13:00I'm sorry,
13:01I'll fix this.
13:02How are you
13:02gonna fix this?
13:03All he has to do
13:04is apologize
13:06to the hydroponics guy
13:07and then he'll switch his back.
13:09And you haven't
13:10done that?
13:11But babe,
13:11he's a colonizer.
13:13Come on, man,
13:14fucking do it already.
13:16That's not reconciliation.
13:18Turncoats.
13:19Ow.
13:21Babe,
13:22I got no padding in it.
13:23Fix this.
13:24Now.
13:28God,
13:28you're beautiful.
13:31Okay,
13:31so you're not
13:32gonna like this.
13:34Oh, yeah?
13:35They all felt
13:36it tasted a little
13:36too condescending
13:37with a judgmental
13:39aftertaste.
13:40What?
13:41You must have
13:41heard them wrong.
13:43The fish was also
13:44a little spoiled,
13:45but not in the way
13:46you might think.
13:47More like it was
13:48coddled.
13:51Like a mama's boy.
13:51Oh,
13:52looks like your mood's
13:56affecting the food,
13:57Agnes.
14:01Before we bring out
14:02our special guest,
14:04we have an even
14:05specialer guest.
14:07And no,
14:08it's not
14:09Billy Jack.
14:10It's me
14:11and Betty,
14:13my flute.
14:14You suck,
14:15boy.
14:16I haven't even
14:17played a note yet.
14:20Boring.
14:21Bring back
14:22cholesterol.
14:23Okay, fine.
14:30Our special guest
14:31used to work here,
14:32but left
14:33to chase his dreams.
14:35Oh, better not
14:36be Greg.
14:37Oh, for fuck's sakes.
14:39Here's Greg.
14:39I quit.
14:46My
14:47Lord.
14:51There's my
14:52wizard.
14:53Uh, this is not
14:54part of the show,
14:55everybody.
14:56Greg, I miss you, bro.
14:58Really?
14:58Because you once
14:59punched me in the
14:59back of the head
15:00when we ran out
15:00of ice cream.
15:01Should have put up
15:01a sign, man.
15:03Some creepy
15:05hypnotist
15:05swapped our bodies
15:07and now I'm stuck
15:08in Paul's body.
15:10What do you say
15:10like that?
15:11Sounds weird.
15:12Greg,
15:14use your
15:14mind powers
15:15to change
15:16our bodies back.
15:17Gentlemen,
15:20brace yourselves.
15:22Energy,
15:25too powerful.
15:26Brains,
15:27too weak.
15:29I can't do it.
15:31Great show,
15:32Greg.
15:33Real mind-blowing.
15:34Hypnotist,
15:35I command thee,
15:36put my friends'
15:37brains back
15:37in their bodies.
15:39You see,
15:40illusionists,
15:41they're all
15:42phonies.
15:43Hypnotists,
15:43we burrow our way
15:45into your minds.
15:47No tricks.
15:48Stand back.
15:49A battle
15:53of the minds.
15:55You're on.
15:57Rain fight!
15:58Rain fight!
15:59Tender,
16:00not a vampire!
16:01You need me
16:02to take over again,
16:03Agnes.
16:05Boonies,
16:05shen,
16:06beanpole.
16:07I'm just sharing
16:08all my love
16:09with all of my
16:10blueberries.
16:11I love you.
16:14I love you.
16:17And I love
16:18even you.
16:19Everyone's waiting.
16:21Shut up,
16:23beanpole.
16:23Nobody even likes you.
16:25Careful,
16:26Agnes.
16:27You want your food
16:28to taste mean?
16:29Ugh.
16:30What about you,
16:31meanpole?
16:33Meanpole, eh?
16:34Yeah.
16:35Ah!
16:36How could you
16:37waste that food?
16:39Oh.
16:39Watch my flame shirt.
16:41Is the dessert
16:42ready yet?
16:43Shut up,
16:44Stephen Harper!
16:48Give it up,
16:50my loser!
16:53Never!
16:57Come on,
16:59store buddy!
17:00Get him!
17:01He's so powerful.
17:04Sergeant!
17:18Use the power
17:18of our friendship!
17:30Oh!
17:33Oh!
17:34Dean was right.
17:36You're an all-match
17:37for the power
17:38of friendship.
17:39But you wouldn't
17:39know anything
17:40about that,
17:40would you?
17:41Because you're
17:41nothing but a
17:42mind!
17:43Deadly!
17:45Not friendship!
17:46My one weakness!
17:48Come on,
17:49more!
17:50Do it again!
17:51Fine.
17:52When I snap
17:53my fingers,
17:54the big one
17:55enters the dumb
17:55one's body
17:56and vice versa.
17:57Hey,
17:57who are you calling
17:58big?
17:59Hey, man.
18:00Who are you
18:00calling dumb?
18:01One,
18:01two,
18:03buckle my shoe!
18:07Holy fuck!
18:10I got my belly back!
18:12Mind blower,
18:13you did it!
18:19Mark my words,
18:20mind blower.
18:21I never forgive,
18:23and I never forget.
18:25I'll be back!
18:26Let's go before
18:29he comes back.
18:29Jesus Christ,
18:30man,
18:30just fucking
18:31go already.
18:32We don't know
18:32what's happening.
18:34Is it finished?
18:36If only there was
18:37someone here
18:38to officiate
18:39this event,
18:40then maybe
18:40we'd know.
18:42Ah-ha!
18:43You need me!
18:45You win this
18:46one there,
18:47Roger.
18:48While the dessert
18:49comes out,
18:50let's announce
18:51this year's
18:52Mr. Berry Picker.
18:54Drum roll,
18:54please.
18:56And the winner
19:00is...
19:01Oh!
19:03It's him again.
19:05Woo!
19:06Woo!
19:07Woo!
19:08Woo!
19:09Woo!
19:09Woo!
19:10Woo!
19:10Woo!
19:11Woo!
19:11Woo!
19:12Woo!
19:12Woo!
19:13Woo!
19:13Mr. Berry Picker,
19:14how does it feel?
19:18I don't know.
19:20Marry me,
19:20Mr. Berry Picker.
19:25This never
19:27would have happened
19:28if you just
19:28minded your own
19:29damn business.
19:30If I just
19:31minded my own
19:32damn business,
19:33you'd be just
19:33serving hate
19:34burgers.
19:35Ladies,
19:35please.
19:36I may just be
19:37a simple cuck
19:38of questionable
19:38parentage,
19:39but even I can
19:39tell that what
19:40you're doing
19:40in here is
19:41affecting everyone
19:41out there.
19:42Plate after plate
19:43has gone out there
19:44with all of your
19:44emotional poison
19:46all over it,
19:47and I won't
19:47let it happen
19:48anymore.
19:49If we can't
19:50put aside
19:50our differences
19:50for the sake
19:51of the food,
19:52then we're
19:52no better
19:52than the whites.
19:55You're right,
19:56Stephen Harper.
19:58Yeah,
19:58you showed us
19:59the way back
20:00to our hearts.
20:03Here,
20:04whip it.
20:06Whip it good.
20:11Nimmin
20:11Ginna Whiz,
20:13Beanpool.
20:14I should have
20:15let you cook.
20:16Nimmin,
20:16Ginna Whiz,
20:17I should have
20:18taken your advice.
20:19Hmm.
20:20Um, guys,
20:22okay,
20:23don't be mad,
20:24but someone said
20:25it tasted too
20:25sincere,
20:27too resolution-y.
20:30Can I see that?
20:33Yeah!
20:41Wait!
20:46Before anyone leaves,
20:48we have one final act.
20:53Rose,
20:54I'm sorry that I ruined
20:56your night away from PJ,
20:57but there is never going
20:59to be a night away from PJ.
21:01What are you talking about?
21:04Please welcome
21:05DJ PJ!
21:10Aw.
21:11There's no me.
21:12Look.
21:14All right,
21:14PJ the DJ,
21:16drop that beat!
21:28That's my boy!
21:38King in a place
21:39so that you know
21:39what's up.
21:40there's no me.
21:42What are you talking about?
21:43Well,
21:43you're a girl
21:45that's not me.
21:47I'm just...
21:47いた.
21:48I'm just...
21:49meus are you.
21:51Oh my God,
21:53my God.
21:54Um,
21:55yeah,
21:56I'm just gonna
21:57tell you
21:57what about it.
21:58Oh!
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