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00:30Welcome to Hope I Got News For You.
00:37I am Roy Wood Jr.
00:39In the news this week, airlines react to the government shutdown.
00:45America celebrates National Coming Out Day.
00:52For the first 140 years, I'm going to be able to live my life.
00:58And finally, some good news.
01:02Some in this room are going to prison, myself included.
01:06On Amber's team today, he is the host of The Right Time with Beaumont Jones Podcast,
01:11and he's a first-round draft pick in my Emmy Award-winning sports journalist fantasy league.
01:16It is Beaumont Jones.
01:20And joining Michael, you know her from Late Night with Seth Meyers and The Amber Ruffin Show,
01:26where she developed her bitter, lifelong rivalry with Amber Ruffin.
01:30It's Jenny Hagel.
01:31Now, for the biggest stories of the week, black people, watch the clips and tell me, what is the story?
01:44Okay, so, oh, this lady won.
01:47That lady won.
01:48That guy, he fucking won.
01:50So, this has to be about the fact that Democrats won everything, and our torture is done.
02:02She was flowing on the first half of that.
02:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, she got a little ahead of herself.
02:07Yes, on Tuesday, it was pretty much a sweep for the Dems, or as the pundits put it.
02:12A blue wave.
02:13A blue wave.
02:15The blue wave.
02:15Blue wave.
02:16Democrats swept races up and down the ballot from coast to coast.
02:20This is an anti-Trump thumping across the country.
02:24A Trump thumping.
02:25I will say, that's how you know Democrats aren't doing great.
02:27We're like, we won two.
02:28It's a blue wave.
02:29And I'm like, all right, guys.
02:31What's the Republican line on why the Democrats did so well?
02:35There's been a few.
02:37The first was, it was just blue states, so it doesn't count.
02:40Trump said it's because he was not on the ballot, but let's be honest, Trump was on
02:48that ballot.
02:49You know what?
02:50I don't know what their theories are, but I know why, because a lot of people lost their
02:56jobs and had free time to fucking vote.
03:04Points on that.
03:05Keep in mind, like, Virginia, the Democrats swept all of their elections.
03:10Virginia is currently being governed by a Republican governor.
03:14The people say that Democrats only won in blue states, but the truth is, they did not.
03:20Democrats didn't just win in blue places.
03:22They broke the supermajority in the Mississippi state legislature.
03:25They flipped seats in Texas that had never even been competed recently.
03:28I'm sorry, did she say Mississippi?
03:30Yeah.
03:31Yeah.
03:31They might be a blue wave.
03:32Shit.
03:33Are you serious?
03:34Tuesday saw record voter turnout across the country, with voters excited to cast ballots
03:39in places from New York to New Jersey and Maine and Georgia, Kansas and Kentucky.
03:45Why was the enthusiasm for the Kentucky elections so unusual?
03:51Because all that fried chicken.
03:53The excitement around the Kentucky elections was unusual, because there weren't any elections
04:00in Kentucky on Tuesday.
04:02On the morning of Election Day, the Kentucky Secretary of State tweeted, quote,
04:07We're getting calls about polls being closed.
04:10They are closed because we do not have elections today.
04:14Kentucky votes next year.
04:16You cannot vote today in Kentucky for the mayor of New York City or the governor of Virginia.
04:23Sorry.
04:24That's what happens when your whole state is just full of bourbon.
04:29I tell you what, I like that Eric Adams fellow for the mayor of New York.
04:33That's what I like.
04:35How many people have to call before the secretary of state is like, somebody give me my phone?
04:41Hey!
04:42Unlike Kentucky, New Jersey and Virginia did have elections this week.
04:47And in New Jersey, even though polls showed a dead heat between Democrat Mikey Sherrill
04:53and Republican Jack Cittarelli, Sherrill won by more than 13 and a half points.
05:00You normally get beat down like that in Jersey.
05:03They bury you out there in the Pine Barrens.
05:05Also, Cittarelli, how you got to name that Italian and lose in Jersey?
05:13Like, I would just run, my poster would just be my name.
05:16It'd just be like...
05:17Eww!
05:19In Virginia, you had Democrat Abigail Spanberger up against Republican
05:23and Joanne Fabric's manager, who's fed up, Winsome Earl Sears.
05:30How you Republican and lose with a rifle in the picture?
05:32Like, the rifle...
05:33You know the answer to that question!
05:36You telling me rifle don't offset black women?
05:39Rifle magnifies her blackness.
05:42When you're black and unarmed, you're less black.
05:45Yeah.
05:45Once you hold a gun, then you are more black.
05:49So she was, I'm going to say, black and a half.
05:53Okay.
05:55Everybody's trying to figure out exactly what explained all of this happening this week.
05:59Question.
06:00What's one demographic that might account for the big swings this time around?
06:06Uh, Latino men went crazy red last time,
06:11and now are going crazy blue this time.
06:14So I'm going to say Latino men.
06:15Hmm.
06:16CNN projects she'll win the Latino vote in the state by 39 points.
06:21That's what a lot of Democrats are talking about, uh, for a month.
06:24What is going to happen in North Jersey?
06:26How sticky are those Hispanic voters?
06:27Okay.
06:31Well.
06:32Jenny, I...
06:33Jenny, don't hit him.
06:34I have to...
06:34Jenny, I'm Puerto Rican, and I don't care for us being described as sticky.
06:40There's been a narrative that after 2024...
06:42Wait, I just want to say, there was a time on this show...
06:45And it wasn't so long ago when a captain would give the correct answer,
06:52and our host would award points to that captain.
06:56Hey, everybody, look at Michael.
07:03He was correct.
07:04He knows the news.
07:05Oh, good job.
07:06Oh, good job.
07:10Welcome.
07:11Michael!
07:12Michael!
07:13Michael!
07:14Michael!
07:14Michael!
07:15Michael!
07:15Michael!
07:16Michael!
07:16Michael!
07:17There's been this narrative after 2024 that Latino voters were abandoning the Democratic
07:22Party in mass.
07:23But, uh, question, what happened?
07:25It might have something to do with the fact that Latinos are routinely getting kidnapped
07:30on the streets of America and thrown into detention centers without any due process.
07:37That's my guess.
07:38I mean, it's a theory.
07:39Yeah, I mean...
07:40CNN talked to one Latino voter in New Jersey.
07:43Here's his perspective.
07:44A lot of Latinos, though, in this area, they went for Trump last time.
07:48Uh, do you think that's going to happen again?
07:51Uh, no.
07:52Deep political analysis.
07:53Did you like him?
07:54Nah, no.
07:56Yeah, I don't even know what the I was for.
08:00He didn't know what you was going to say.
08:01Now, it wasn't just candidates on the ballot on Tuesday.
08:04There was also a big ballot initiative in California.
08:07Let's get some more information on that.
08:09Give me some more, Jake Tapper.
08:10CNN projects that Californians have indeed voted yes on the state's newly drawn congressional
08:16district map, aiming to help Democrats win an additional up to five U.S. House seats
08:20in the 2026 midterm elections.
08:23Well, hang on.
08:27Let's talk about this for a second.
08:29Question to the panel.
08:30Where do you stand on Democrats with the redistricting fight that's happening right now?
08:34I don't know if I understand enough about it to know, did they restore district lines
08:39to something more fair, or did we just fight gerrymandering with gerrymandering?
08:43No, no, no.
08:43They cheat.
08:44Sometimes the only way to win, if you cheat, I gotta cheat.
08:46And this is why we didn't work out.
08:49Let's get to win.
08:49If you are the governor of the state and maybe one day think you might want to be president,
08:55maybe it wasn't that magnanimous, just throwing it out there, because now I'm going to have
08:59voted for Gavin fucking Newsom.
09:01Now, of course, the biggest win of the night came here in New York City, where the race
09:07for mayor was won by assemblyman and dude who seems like he has Elmo's phone number, Zoran
09:13Mamdani.
09:15Zoran defeated former governor Andrew Cuomo at, uh...
09:19No, but Cuomo's going to be all right.
09:23He can return to his old job of being the villain from The Mask.
09:27Now, obviously, a lot of people are wondering what it means that a 34-year-old Muslim Democratic
09:36Socialist was elected to lead the greatest city on Earth.
09:41What do you think the vibes were on election night over at Newsmax?
09:47I think it was chicken little vibes.
09:50Let's take a look.
09:51Let's face it, uh, we're pretty upfront about our opinion, but, uh, we try to play, uh, pretty
09:56straight with the facts.
09:58Uh, it is what it is.
09:59And the fact is New York City voted in a communist.
10:02It's still very, very perplexing.
10:05Okay.
10:06What do they think communist means?
10:08I think they think their taxes are going to go up one to two percent.
10:14Okay.
10:14He wants to feed people and get them homes and places.
10:19Wait.
10:20That doesn't matter.
10:20You're making it sound good, Amber.
10:22He also wants to make the buses free.
10:26As if the bus isn't free already.
10:30Is anybody stopping you from getting on the bus?
10:34Now, it wasn't just Bleak over at Newsmax.
10:37Cuomo supporters were also beside themselves on election night about to defeat.
10:42Question.
10:43Who did the Cuomo supporters blame for his loss to Mom Donnie?
10:48They did what you always do.
10:50You blame the guy in the funny hat.
10:53Yes, yes.
10:54Cuomo supporters blamed Republican candidate and cat-fancy centerfold Curtis Sliwa.
11:01Seen here with three of his closest policy advisors.
11:04Here's one Cuomo backer explaining why, and warning, the jargon here is a little technical.
11:12Hey, Curtis, you're a fucking scumbag, like I said, all along, all of these months.
11:17You split the fucking vote.
11:19You were a scumbag.
11:20I hope every New Yorker spits in your fucking face every single day.
11:25You fucking sold out like fucking...
11:28You're the sold-out fucking Jesus.
11:30Go fuck yourself.
11:31How did that guy not win governor of New Jersey?
11:38Anti-Mom Donnie forces clearly aren't taking this victory from Mom Donnie lying down.
11:44What did a lot of Zoran haters threaten to do if he won?
11:49Pay for the bus anyway.
11:54Millions are fleeing the city any way they can.
11:57They're running on scooters, on bicycles, and taxi cabs.
11:59They're running, baby. They're running.
12:01People who said they'd consider leaving include Barstool's sports founder Dave Portnoy
12:06and Manhattan grocery store magnate John Katsimatidis.
12:09Is that a different guy than the guy who was yelling at the camera or something like that?
12:14Both of whom said they would move their companies to another state.
12:18Another person who said they would move is also one Andrew Cuomo,
12:23who said back in July,
12:25we either win or even I will move to Florida, God forbid.
12:31He clearly... He clearly did not want to win.
12:34Did the entire audience say bye in New Jersey?
12:39Bye.
12:41So all three of those men said they would move?
12:44Yeah.
12:45So we'd lose our three handsomest residents?
12:48Well, if the Democrats are feeling good, maybe they shouldn't.
12:52Because according to Laura Ingraham...
12:54So by winning, Democrats are, in a way, losing.
12:57Because they're going to simply drive more people to the red states
13:00where life is easier, safer, and less expensive.
13:04I have been living in Savannah, Georgia, a red state, for the last four years.
13:12The idea that red states are somehow better or easier or cheaper, it's nonsense.
13:16I got robbed in Savannah in 2006.
13:19How many times do I have to apologize, Beaumont?
13:24Michael and Jenny, watch the clip.
13:26Tell me, what's the story?
13:28Oh, that's... that terrible place that we live in.
13:31Yeah. Clothes.
13:31Oh, yeah. This is the federal shutdown.
13:33Nothing is open.
13:34The shutdown is continuing, having a series of domino effects on the country.
13:37And we're hoping to get the government reopened sometime soon.
13:40Final answer.
13:42The story is, Trump's government shutdown is now the longest in U.S. history.
13:46Federal employees aren't getting paid.
13:48Americans aren't getting assistance.
13:50And even Trump says he wants to end the shutdown.
13:53Question.
13:54What did the president do last weekend to help end the shutdown?
13:59He went golfing.
14:01Oh, no. It was worse than that.
14:02Worse than golfing.
14:03Oh, that's right. He had that party.
14:04Yes.
14:05The Great Gatsby.
14:06Trump had a Great Gatsby party.
14:09I think it's perfect, because The Great Gatsby is about a guy who pretends to be wealthy when he's not.
14:15You know Jenny's going to make a point when she starts playing the piano.
14:22Also...
14:23Gotcha, bitch.
14:26Ba-ba-ba-ba.
14:27Um...
14:27That was House Speaker Mike Johnson describing the never-ending shutdown.
14:32He said something along the lines of, hey, what can we do?
14:36We're just the Republicans.
14:37We don't control anything.
14:39We don't know how to fix this problem.
14:41Here's Mike.
14:42The Democrats have painted themselves into a corner, Joe, as we've discussed before,
14:46because this really was, as some people say, the Seinfeld shutdown.
14:50It's a shutdown about nothing.
14:51If there's anybody that knows a lot about nothing, it's Mike Johnson.
14:55Yes.
14:56I don't know anything about that.
14:57I didn't see the interview.
14:58I'm not sure who was there, what the purpose was.
15:00I didn't talk with him about that.
15:01I haven't had time to get the details, okay?
15:03That's still on my list of things to do.
15:04I'm not following all the twists and turns.
15:06That's not my lane.
15:07You can say whatever you want about Mike Johnson, because he ain't gonna never see it or hear it.
15:10Nope.
15:12Why does Trump say that the shutdown needs to end?
15:16Because it's hurting him.
15:19He didn't say that, but that's the reason.
15:20Yeah, Trump thinks the shutdown is why the Republicans lost so many elections this week.
15:25Well, the shutdown and one more reason.
15:27The shutdown was a big factor, negative for the Republicans, and they say that I wasn't
15:32on the ballot was the biggest factor, but I don't know about that, but I was honored
15:37that they said that.
15:38He's like, I'm honored that I'm the reason it went badly.
15:41Yes.
15:41Yes.
15:42That's literally what, yeah.
15:43That's what he does.
15:43He'll take anything and make it into a compliment.
15:45What does Trump say needs to happen to end the shutdown?
15:50Supreme obedience.
15:51Or get rid of the filibuster.
15:57There we go.
15:58As election results rolled in on Tuesday night, Trump posted, quote, Republicans, terminate
16:03the filibuster.
16:04Get back to passing legislation and voter reform.
16:08President DJT.
16:09We know it was you.
16:12You the only one on Truth Social.
16:14Ain't nobody else on this shit.
16:16There was one thing that happened on Friday that had a chance at ending the shutdown.
16:21Schumer, I believe, got into the well of the Senate and said, I'm willing to negotiate
16:26on X, Y, and Z. And apparently it looked like that was going to happen for a minute.
16:30Schumer took the floor and made a new proposal to extend ACA coverage for exactly one year.
16:36Here's CNN with the breaking news.
16:38Now included in their proposal is a one-year extension of the Affordable Care Act subsidies,
16:43which has been the central demand of Democrats over the entirety of the 38-plus-day shutdown.
16:48The Republicans rejected Schumer's proposal, but the whole idea, honestly, is just about
16:54consolidating Republican power and pushing voter reform through Congress.
17:00Uh, what kind of voter reform exactly is Trump looking for?
17:05Every Republican votes three times.
17:07Only people over 70 can vote.
17:12Trump wants to end mail-in voting and institute strict new voter ID laws.
17:19Here he is making his case.
17:20All we want is voter ID.
17:22You go to a grocery store, you have to give ID.
17:25You go to a gas station, you give ID.
17:27But for voting, they want no voter ID.
17:29It's only for one reason, because they cheat.
17:31Maybe Trump only go to Costco, and he think that's how all grocery stores look.
17:36He looks like a Costco guy.
17:38He at least looks like a $1.50 hot dog guy.
17:42He looks like a $1.50 hot dog.
17:49Now, in case there's any confusion on grocery store ID laws,
17:54CNN actually did a full fact check on the president's claim.
18:00It is false.
18:02Now, since nobody's getting paid, TSA workers are calling out sick,
18:07and security lines are lasting hours.
18:10And yes, air traffic controllers are calling out, too.
18:13And Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy had this warning.
18:17You will see mass chaos, you will see mass flight delays,
18:22you'll see mass cancellations,
18:24and you may see us close certain parts of the airspace
18:27because we just cannot manage it.
18:29So, wait, the people who are there are not getting paid?
18:34No.
18:34Wait, I'm so sorry.
18:36They woke up, took a shower, got dressed,
18:40and went to work knowing they wouldn't be paid?
18:43We don't know the shower part for sure.
18:44But the rest of it, yes, absolutely.
18:48But, like, you ever worked at a, like, restaurant or whatever,
18:51and people called out?
18:52Sometimes the manager got to work the grill.
18:53Shouldn't this motherfucker be in a tower somewhere?
18:56Or, like, on the ground?
18:58Like, doing the thing?
18:59They're bringing people from Hudson News up to the tower.
19:14Welcome back.
19:16It is time for Lie Curious.
19:19I give you three biographical details about a public figure,
19:22but only one is true.
19:24You have to guess which is the truth
19:25and which are monstrous, despicable lies.
19:29Time for three facts about Kash Patel.
19:32Seen here, finally learning which ones were the good guys
19:36in the sounds of music.
19:39Our facts are, he briefly went back to high school in his 20s.
19:44He appears as a juror on three episodes of Law & Order.
19:48He moonlights as an ice hockey defenseman.
19:51Wow.
19:52Which one is the truth?
19:54I feel like it can't be number two,
19:55because that would have been a meme a long time ago.
19:57And I am imagining being a defendant
19:59and your life is on the line
20:01and you look over at the jury
20:02and that dude is looking at you like that.
20:04Yeah.
20:07The truth is, the answer is number three.
20:09Kash Patel moonlights as an ice hockey defenseman.
20:13For over a decade,
20:15Patel has played hockey on weekends
20:17for a club team that is oddly enough called the Dons.
20:21Now, Patel had a bit of a scandal
20:23involving a recent flight he took,
20:25Does anyone know why people were upset
20:30about his aviation habits?
20:32Because his girlfriend,
20:34who he took the FBI private plane to visit,
20:37is a country music star that nobody's...
20:40People were mad because Kash Patel
20:44reportedly took an FBI jet
20:46to watch his girlfriend, country singer Alexis Wilkins,
20:50sing the national anthem at a wrestling event.
20:54She looks like what you would put on the package
20:58at Spirit Halloween.
21:02And it would say, American woman!
21:08I see it.
21:08But that doesn't look like a real person.
21:11Is it legal for him to do that?
21:13The FBI director kind of has to take a private plane everywhere
21:16because he the FBI director.
21:19Could you imagine Kash Patel, like, boarding group C?
21:24Southwest?
21:26There were, like, turbulence and you looked over?
21:28Now, it's important to point out that FBI directors
21:34are actually required by law
21:36to travel in a government plane for security reasons.
21:39So who is it that insisted
21:41that the FBI director taking a government jet
21:45is a bad idea?
21:46There can only be one answer.
21:48Yeah, we know how this show works.
21:50Go take their money.
21:53Chris Wray doesn't need a private jet.
21:55We're not the guys running around on private jets.
21:57And somebody, maybe in Congress,
21:59should ask for how many flights
22:00on a private jet director Comey took
22:03or my predecessor director Wray took
22:05and how many personal trips they took.
22:08Oh, no, my own words!
22:11FBI, yeah, yeah.
22:12Time for three facts
22:17about former Speaker of the House
22:19and lady who wears high heels
22:21in the swimming pool, Nancy Pelosi.
22:25Our facts are
22:26she had five kids in six years.
22:29She owns exactly one pair of blue jeans.
22:32She went to college on a drum scholarship.
22:36Team Michael, which one is the truth?
22:38You know I want to see a clip of her
22:40in a drum line.
22:41I want her with those buckets
22:43like the dude in the subway.
22:44Yes, yes, yes.
22:47We are voting for that
22:48and by voting I mean praying.
22:50Yep.
22:50I'll give everyone on earth
22:52eight billion dollars
22:53if this woman can play a drum.
22:56Number two it is.
22:58This bitch ain't got
22:59but one pair of blue jeans.
23:03Nancy Pelosi
23:04had five kids in six years.
23:07The former Speaker of the House
23:08married her college sweetheart Paul
23:10in 1963
23:11and by the end of 1970
23:13they had five kids.
23:16Four daughters
23:17and a son.
23:19I think I know what happened there.
23:21The son is the youngest, isn't he?
23:23Four daughters and then...
23:24She was like,
23:26look, one more go, man.
23:28After this.
23:29Come on, son.
23:32Damn, daughter again.
23:33All right, come back, come back.
23:35Come on, son.
23:36This time.
23:37Ah, damn.
23:38I don't think she calls them kids.
23:40I think she calls them constituents.
23:42Speaking of Nancy Pelosi,
23:44she made a big announcement this week.
23:46What was Nancy Pelosi's
23:48big announcement she made?
23:49She's still alive.
23:50Do we have a serious answer over here?
23:59She's out of the game.
24:00She's blowing this pop stand.
24:02We'll let Nancy Pelosi
24:03tell you herself.
24:04I want you,
24:05my fellow San Franciscans,
24:07to be the first to know
24:08I will not be seeking
24:10re-election to Congress.
24:12And then it cuts to a wide shot.
24:16It's all I want.
24:18Pelosi is retiring
24:19after nearly 40 years
24:20in the House of Representatives.
24:22She was the first female speaker
24:23in American history,
24:24and regardless of anyone's
24:26political views,
24:27these are great accomplishments.
24:29Question.
24:31How did Donald Trump
24:32commemorate this occasion
24:34of Pelosi retiring?
24:36Oh, he sent her a fruit basket.
24:38And he said,
24:39good riddance.
24:40Close enough point.
24:41I got a point, Michael!
24:44Oh, you can have it.
24:46You're welcome.
24:47Donald Trump posted
24:48on Truth Social saying,
24:49quote,
24:50I'm glad to see
24:51the stench of Nancy Pelosi go.
24:54Dang, he's a stench.
24:55That's a classy brother
24:55right there.
24:56That is.
24:57That's like something
24:58a troll says in a fairy tale.
25:00And maybe Pelosi
25:01knew something like that
25:03was going to come up
25:04because she let something
25:05slip this week.
25:06Does anyone know what it is?
25:07Her shoulder strap.
25:08Just listen.
25:11Our founders
25:12did not want to have,
25:14again,
25:16a...
25:17How can I say this?
25:19It'll sound like
25:20I'm awful about Trump
25:21because he's just
25:22a vile creature.
25:24The worst thing
25:25on the face of the earth.
25:26But anyway.
25:29That's how you talk
25:30when it's your last day
25:31at the job.
25:33This has been
25:34Lie Curious.
25:35More after the break.
25:38Sean, welcome back.
25:48It's time for Meet in the Middle
25:49where we find common ground
25:50between two different people.
25:52Tonight, it's a
25:53oops, all Trump
25:54administration edition.
25:56On one side,
25:57we have Dr. Mehmet Oz,
25:59Sean Duffy,
26:00Marco Rubio,
26:01Linda McMahon.
26:02And on the other side,
26:03Stephen Miller,
26:04RFK Jr.,
26:05J.D. Vance,
26:07and Howard Lutnick.
26:09First up,
26:10we got Soudanil.
26:12Which two of these
26:13cabinet members
26:14have been on the
26:15receiving end
26:16of a nickname
26:17by their current boss,
26:19Donald Trump?
26:19So, it's Rubio, right?
26:21Rubio.
26:22And the sofa king, right?
26:24I'm gonna say
26:25it's J.D. Vance.
26:26And I'm gonna say
26:27he called him Lady Eyes.
26:31Yes, Marco Rubio
26:32on the left side.
26:34And Stephen Miller!
26:36Oh!
26:37Have both been called
26:38names by the president.
26:39Reports came out
26:40over the summer
26:41that Donald Trump
26:42refers to Stephen Miller
26:43as Weird Stephen.
26:44And everybody remembers
26:49Trump's nickname
26:49for Marco Rubio.
26:51I call him
26:51Little Marco.
26:52Little Marco.
26:53I call him
26:53Little Marco.
26:54That's what he is.
26:55He's Little Marco.
26:55Little Marco Rubio.
26:57He's going around.
26:58He's going crazy.
26:58Don't worry about it,
26:59Little Marco.
27:01Right.
27:02So little now,
27:03he fits in Trump's pocket.
27:04Yes.
27:06Next up,
27:06we've got
27:06Maga the Stallion.
27:09Which two of these people
27:10are featured
27:11on hip-hop tracks?
27:13Linda McMahon
27:14and the dude
27:14at the bottom
27:15whose name
27:15I don't actually know.
27:17That's Louis C.K.
27:22Linda McMahon?
27:23Linda McMahon feels...
27:24Plausible, right?
27:24It feels right.
27:25Okay.
27:26We're going to go
27:26with Linda McMahon
27:27and RFK Jr.
27:28Okay.
27:28Now, tell me,
27:29what about RFK
27:30that says rap to you?
27:31The voice.
27:35Like, you don't even
27:36have to put an effect on it.
27:37Yeah, like...
27:38Babe, how low can you go?
27:40Death row.
27:42I'm your brother.
27:43You know?
27:43I'm sold.
27:44RFK Jr.
27:45and Dr. Oz
27:46are both featured
27:47on hip-hop tracks.
27:49As part of his
27:502024 presidential campaign,
27:52RFK Jr. hopped on the track
27:54Standing on Business
27:55by Drummer Boy.
27:57I'm Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
27:59As President of the United States,
28:02I'll be standing on business
28:04and helping the community.
28:06Maybe...
28:07Michael has to get points
28:10for the impresses.
28:11Yes, point.
28:12Amazing.
28:13I got 99 problems
28:14and a Tylenol ain't one.
28:18Which legendary hip-hop emcees track
28:20did Dr. Oz pop in on
28:23and drop a verse?
28:25Vanilla Ice.
28:27It was Michelle Obama.
28:31Back in 2013,
28:33Dr. Oz appeared in a music video
28:35for Michelle Obama's
28:36Let's Move campaign.
28:38Here he is.
28:39Dr. Oz, what's up, Dr. Oz?
28:41Time to get involved,
28:42let the whole world know.
28:44Just the other day,
28:45they see me on the show,
28:46didn't know I had style,
28:47didn't know I had clothes for sure.
28:50RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz
28:51were both at an event
28:53in the Oval Office
28:53on Thursday
28:54to promote Trump's plan
28:55to reduce the cost
28:57of weight loss drugs.
28:59Does anybody know
29:00what went down
29:01at this event?
29:03Oh.
29:04A dude.
29:04A dude went down.
29:06A guy fainted.
29:07One of the attendees
29:08collapsed in the middle
29:09of the event.
29:10And before we show you
29:11this clip,
29:12do not worry,
29:13he's okay.
29:14We've been advancing science
29:15and creating high-value jobs,
29:17but today we...
29:19Oh, are you okay?
29:21Gordon, are you okay?
29:28Just watch what RFK Jr. does
29:30when, when, when Buddy collapses.
29:36Hold on!
29:40Damn!
29:45He's got something wrong with him.
29:47I ain't finna catch it.
29:49Like, if I pass out right now,
29:51you're supposed to at least
29:52give me the, the courtesy.
29:53Are you good?
29:54And then leave.
29:56I agree with Roy.
29:57It's like when you know
29:58someone else is gonna pay for dinner,
29:59but you still kind of go
30:00for your wallet.
30:00Like, you pretend.
30:01At least do the fake care.
30:04I found that to be
30:05a totally relatable moment.
30:06I don't know CPR.
30:08I should probably go find somebody
30:10who can help.
30:10You're also not in charge
30:11of America's health.
30:14All right, let's do
30:15President Evil.
30:17Which two of these people
30:18were video game characters?
30:20Ooh.
30:21Team Michael.
30:21Team Michael.
30:22Linda McMahon, it's gotta be, right?
30:23Because wrestling shit.
30:24And then, I think J.D. Vance
30:26was a character where it was like
30:27you had to try to get
30:28the eyeliner on,
30:29like, perfectly straight.
30:32Team Michael, what's the guess?
30:34Well, look,
30:35Bald Man is a mystery
30:36to everyone.
30:38In two minutes,
30:39they'll say his name,
30:39I'll forget it then.
30:41Yeah.
30:42What's his name?
30:43Howie?
30:43Howie Mandel,
30:44that's who it is.
30:46We'd like to go with
30:47Howie Mandel
30:48and Linda McMahon.
30:51Linda McMahon
30:52and J.D. Vance
30:53have both been featured
30:55in video games.
30:57J.D. Vance
30:57is a playable character
30:59in the election simulation game
31:01The Political Machine.
31:03Take a look.
31:04That was the most boring
31:16video game I've ever seen
31:17in my life.
31:17Is that real?
31:18Yeah, it's him flying around
31:20promoting Hillbilly Elegy.
31:22The video game
31:23is his book tour.
31:25Linda McMahon
31:26is a playable character
31:27in WWF No Mercy
31:29for the Nintendo 64.
31:34Great.
31:37That's what I want.
31:38That's what I want
31:39Linda McMahon to do.
31:40Please.
31:41Somebody put me
31:41in a video game
31:42doing that.
31:42That's awesome.
31:43That was a public school teacher
31:44she was slapping.
31:44Yeah.
31:50We didn't get to
31:51Sean Duffy
31:52and Howard Lutnick,
31:53but they both come
31:53from reality TV.
31:55Sean was on
31:55The Real World
31:56and Howard actually
31:57got his start
31:58as one of the pimples
32:00on Dr. Pimple Popper.
32:01More after the break.
32:04Welcome back.
32:13It's time
32:14for the offender meter.
32:16Teens have to tell us
32:17who's the offender,
32:18what they did,
32:18and who they offended.
32:20Here's your offender.
32:22Who that is?
32:22Oh.
32:24Marjorie Taylor Greene.
32:25Yes, that is
32:26Marjorie Taylor Greene
32:27seen here
32:28pulling up to a
32:28Chick-fil-A
32:29on a Sunday.
32:32Who did Marjorie
32:32offend?
32:33She's offending me
32:34every day now
32:35because this reinvention
32:37that she's doing
32:38of Marjorie Taylor Greene
32:40as reasonable centrist
32:42makes my skin crawl.
32:44So she offended you?
32:47She offended me.
32:48Marjorie has offended
32:49Republicans in Congress
32:50by speaking out
32:51against them
32:52on the government shutdown.
32:53On The View
32:54this past week,
32:55Marjorie got pretty specific
32:57about who she's blaming.
32:59The worst thing
33:00that I just can't get over
33:02is we're not working
33:03right now,
33:04and I put that criticism
33:06directly on the Speaker
33:07of the House,
33:08and we should be at work.
33:10All the people
33:10sitting in this audience,
33:11they go to work every day.
33:13No, they don't.
33:16They are the audience
33:17of a daytime talk show.
33:18But one place we know
33:19for sure they're not
33:20is at work.
33:21Yeah.
33:22Maybe because of the shutdown.
33:23Yeah.
33:24So, Michael,
33:24you don't believe
33:25that was sincere.
33:26Just go back
33:27to the first frame of that.
33:28She had the white woman
33:29hand on the heart.
33:31When the white woman
33:32put the hand on the heart
33:32with the Jesus cross,
33:34oh, she took the...
33:35I just want you to know.
33:37She was fun
33:38because she was filled
33:39with hate.
33:40Right.
33:41This is infinitely less fun.
33:43So all of the people
33:45she has attracted
33:46by being a piece of shit,
33:48she's now repelling them
33:50because she's trying
33:51to be sweet.
33:52Pick a leg.
33:53I enjoy a good grudge.
33:55And she is...
33:56This is grudge.
33:57She got Trump grudge.
33:59This is grudge.
34:00Okay.
34:00Does anyone know
34:01what else Marjorie Taylor Greene
34:02has criticized Republicans about?
34:05Did she say something
34:05about the SNAP benefits?
34:07Like, is she actually
34:08on the right side of this?
34:09There's also the healthcare thing
34:10I feel like she's
34:11on the right side of right now.
34:12Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
34:13It's impossible
34:13she could be on the right side
34:14of two things, huh?
34:17The congresswoman
34:18is starting to feel
34:19some feelings
34:20about the Republicans'
34:22plans for healthcare.
34:23Here's why I'm angry.
34:24The Democrats passed Obamacare,
34:26but yet the Republicans
34:27have never done anything
34:28to correct the problems
34:30that exist with it.
34:31And I blame my own party.
34:33She did the thing again.
34:34I saw it.
34:35She did the thing again.
34:36When a white woman does,
34:36she'll be like,
34:36ah, you're telling the truth.
34:38Okay.
34:39This is the very same woman
34:40who claimed
34:41people are controlling
34:42the weather,
34:43the same woman
34:44who called for Nancy Pelosi
34:45to be executed,
34:46the same woman
34:48who said the Parkland shooting
34:49was a false flag,
34:51the same woman
34:52who claimed
34:53California wildfires
34:54were caused by
34:55a secret Jewish space laser.
34:59In fairness,
35:00that one is true.
35:02How does Marjorie Taylor Greene
35:04explain her former beliefs?
35:07A stroke.
35:08Medicine.
35:08She found Jesus?
35:12I actually thought
35:13her response to this
35:14was kind of genius.
35:16Somebody asked her
35:16about QAnon,
35:17and she's like,
35:18do you regret
35:19that you were so invested
35:20in QAnon?
35:20Because that's how
35:20she made her bones.
35:21And she was like,
35:22I was a victim
35:23of social media.
35:24To her past views,
35:26Marjorie Taylor Greene
35:26says she's so totally over them.
35:29Would you say
35:29you don't believe
35:30in the QAnon
35:31conspiracies anymore?
35:33Oh, I went over that
35:34a long time ago.
35:35I mean, we can change.
35:36Well, no, I haven't changed.
35:38I was a victim
35:39just like you were
35:40of media lies
35:42and stuff you read
35:43on social media.
35:44Let's rank this shit,
35:46all right?
35:46If you ever thought
35:48Jewish space lasers
35:50were real,
35:51you're too stupid
35:52to drive a car.
35:56You're too stupid.
35:59If the spirit is
36:00screw her forever
36:00because of what
36:01she used to stand for,
36:02is it possible
36:03to ever come across
36:04the aisle?
36:05It's been
36:0560 seconds, right?
36:08If you're suspicious
36:09about MTG's transformation,
36:12you're not alone.
36:13Here's AOC
36:14digging into
36:15what she thinks
36:16is the reason
36:17for Greene's 180.
36:19The White House
36:20and Trump land
36:22shut down
36:23Marjorie Taylor Greene's
36:25personal ambitions
36:25to run for Senate.
36:27And she has been
36:28on a revenge tour
36:29ever since.
36:31That's like straight
36:32out of Mean Girls.
36:33Like, somebody
36:34means you can't
36:35date the popular boy
36:36so now you're
36:36going to go back around.
36:37Like, that's that's
36:38a, that I believe.
36:39So then to that point,
36:40if you were a Democrat,
36:41what is wrong
36:42with revenge health care?
36:43Is that not still
36:44health care?
36:45I mean, you take the vote.
36:46You just don't have
36:47to hang out with her.
36:48That was Offender Meter.
37:03Oh, welcome back.
37:06It's time for Missing Words.
37:07Teams, I'm going to give you
37:08some recent news headlines
37:09with keywords cut out
37:10and you'll have to fill in the blank
37:12to give us the full story.
37:14Here's your headline.
37:15Thief makes off with 80K
37:16in blank during
37:17an Ontario trailer heist.
37:19McRibs.
37:22I think it was La Boo Boo's
37:23and I think it's 80,000
37:24so I think it was one.
37:27Thief makes off
37:28with $80,000
37:29in whipped cream
37:30during the Ontario,
37:32Canada trailer heist.
37:34Sexy.
37:35Yeah.
37:3680K in whipped cream.
37:37I thought Daddy
37:38was still in jail.
37:39What is she going to do
37:41with 80K?
37:42That's a lot of whipped cream.
37:43Okay, you steal
37:44the whipped cream.
37:45Yeah, in Canada.
37:46Then what?
37:48Like $80,000 worth of whipped cream.
37:50You're selling it out
37:50on the corner.
37:51What are you doing
37:52with all this?
37:52You have a swimming pool.
37:54You fill the swimming pool
37:56with whipped cream.
37:57Why is this so hard?
37:59It's like Bomani's
38:00never had $80,000
38:02of whipped cream before.
38:04Here's your headline.
38:05Police officer appears
38:06to be blank
38:07in virtual court.
38:09Ooh.
38:10Racist.
38:11What's a virtual court?
38:12Virtual court is where
38:13you can't go in person
38:14so you show up on Zoom
38:16and because you're on Zoom
38:17you don't have any pants on.
38:19Pants list.
38:19Final answer.
38:21Police officer appears
38:22to be without pants
38:24in virtual court.
38:25Oh.
38:27Last week,
38:28Detroit police officer
38:29Matthew Jackson
38:30logged on to testify
38:31in virtual court proceedings
38:32where according to reports,
38:34quote,
38:35Jackson was wearing
38:36his Detroit Police Department
38:37uniform shirt
38:38but did not have pants on.
38:41It appeared
38:42he did have on underwear.
38:45Then what's the problem?
38:47I'm so sorry.
38:48I have to say this.
38:49This is...
38:50I'm so sorry.
38:51Matthew Jackson
38:52or Matthew Johnson?
38:55Oh, man.
38:56Now, of course,
38:57if you're in Zoom court
38:58with no pants on,
38:59the judge has to ask you
39:00what the hell is going on.
39:01Would anyone like to guess
39:03how the officer responded
39:04when asked by the judge
39:05where your pants at?
39:07I think he responded
39:08like this.
39:13In your mind,
39:15what is he doing there?
39:16His wiener is flooping.
39:21Like tassels.
39:22Hey, we don't need specific.
39:25It's flooping.
39:26Let's watch the clip
39:27and see how the whole thing
39:28played out.
39:29Officer Jackson,
39:31good morning to you.
39:32Can you put your appearance
39:33on the record, please?
39:35Yes, Officer Jackson.
39:36Badge number 3919
39:38out of the 12th precinct.
39:40You got some pants on,
39:42huh?
39:42Officer?
39:44He's already in the...
39:45No, sir.
39:49He had to say no
39:50because he was under oath.
39:52That's missing words.
39:53More after the break.
39:54Welcome back.
40:07It's time for
40:08Which is Higher?
40:09I'll give you two
40:10unrelated numbers
40:11from the news.
40:12You tell me
40:12which is higher?
40:15The number of episodes
40:16of ridiculousness
40:18that, as of this taping,
40:19have aired
40:20since the television show
40:21premiered in 2011
40:22or
40:23the number of sheets
40:24in Sharma's new
40:25forever roll.
40:26A toilet paper roll
40:28so big
40:28it comes with
40:29its own stand.
40:31Is that real?
40:32Yes.
40:34I want it.
40:35It's like the public
40:36bathroom super roll
40:37that you see.
40:38I really hope
40:39the answer is
40:40the toilet paper.
40:41I mean,
40:42it's got to be
40:42the toilet paper, right?
40:43There's been so much
40:45ridiculousness.
40:45It's number.
40:46Which one is higher?
40:47All right,
40:47we're going to say
40:47toilet paper.
40:48More toilet paper
40:48than ridiculousness episodes
40:49over here.
40:50Toilet paper.
40:51Okay.
40:51The number of episodes
40:53aired of ridiculousness
40:54in the last 14 years
40:55is 1,731.
40:58The number of sheets
40:59in the forever roll
41:00is 1,700.
41:02So the amount
41:03of ridiculousness
41:04episodes
41:05is higher.
41:07So forever
41:08is just a figure
41:09of speech.
41:10That's what
41:11you're telling me.
41:12That was which is higher.
41:14I want to thank
41:14our guests
41:15Beaumont Jones
41:16and Jenny Haven.
41:16And of course,
41:19thank you
41:20to our team captains
41:22Amber Ruffin
41:22and Michael Ian Black.
41:25Before we sign off,
41:28here are a few more
41:29stories we're watching.
41:31Republicans find
41:32their nominee
41:33for 2028.
41:37Universal announces
41:39Back to the Future
41:40remake.
41:43That's good.
41:45I'm Roy Wood Jr.
41:45We'll see you next year.
41:47This has been
41:48Have I Got News for You?
41:50And we still
41:50haven't seen all
41:52the X-Team Fires
41:54today.
41:572026.
41:582026.
41:582026.
41:582026.
41:582026.
41:592026.
41:592026.
42:002026.
42:012026.
42:012026.
42:022026.
42:032026.
42:042026.
42:052026.
42:062026.
42:072026.
42:082026.
42:092026.
42:102026.
42:112026.
42:122026.
42:132026.
42:142026.
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