- 3 months ago
Another day, another trend in dating. Have you heard about the slow burn? It's not what you would think, but we discuss it, and why dating in 2025 truly feels like a dumpster fire.
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00:00everything in dating thank god i'm freaking married be glad that you're single and want
00:04to stay single be glad that you're getting married and melissa you're not here but i feel bad for you
00:08because everything in dating now they give like names to it everything that behaviors that people
00:13just do including um what what the slow burn do you know what a slow burn is i mean i know what
00:22a slow burn is but in relation to dating in relation to dating just like yeah taking your
00:28time or yes it's it's being in a relationship and you're not feeling the other person but
00:35instead of just breaking up with them then and there because maybe you don't have a good
00:41like a good out like i don't know i'm just not feeling this because people can't handle that
00:46they're like i need a concrete reason instead of just like this doesn't feel right the slow burn is
00:52you stay in the relationship until you just hate them and then you break up with them
00:57until you hate them until you hate them wait so you like so it's not just giving it a chance
01:05and then maybe it works out no you stay until you hate you completely resent them and then you're like
01:12but i feel like there's something missing from this i really do let me get this straight missing so
01:18you're in a relationship with someone who you're not feeling they're not necessarily a bad person or
01:24they haven't given you a reason to hate them but instead of just being out you you stay with them
01:29until you hate them and then you yeah they might have given you a reason but for some reason you're
01:35you're you're a i don't know you like you're a martyr and you're just hanging in there until you hate
01:41them see what i like to do what i have incorporated in the past which i think it's better than this
01:49it's something's wrong with the person but for some reason like you don't sometimes you just don't
01:56feel right breaking up with someone i don't know what it is sometimes you're like i don't know
01:59i feel like i'm a bad person so what you do is you do stuff to make them hate you and then they break
02:06up with you i hate when people do that that's so stupid that is so childish yes it is grow up well
02:13you know i wasn't growing up when i used to do things like this yeah what was your fear what did you
02:18think was gonna happen i don't know sometimes you just want to i i i can't it's been so long
02:22yeah but you'll be in a relationship and you're like yeah i'm just not feeling this but i don't
02:27know you feel bad making the other person feel bad oh my god you know what i'm saying it's like
02:32pebbles in a way in a way i think you should be commended for doing something like that i'm gonna
02:37stay and make them hate me and then they break up with you and then if you feel better because
02:41you're like well they ultimately they broke up with you and you don't feel bad about it because you
02:45were out of the relationship months ago or maybe years ago depending on how much pain you can
02:50sustain again reason number 7565 as to why i will happily stay single and choose that life
03:03that's devastating can you imagine being in a relationship and feeling the person you're with
03:09and not knowing they don't want anything to do with you and then they just out the blue just
03:14like yeah you know uh yeah it's over yeah you're causing more pain than you think you are and you're
03:23being extremely selfish if you're just gonna stick around until you feel comfortable grow up like you
03:29like you said grow up right and just say hey i'm sorry it's nothing against you to be honest i know
03:35you probably heard that before but i'm being very very honest it's not you it's me and this isn't
03:40gonna work out well move on do you ever see pirates of the caribbean yeah no no it's a it's a true
03:49story it's a documentary about no it's not i know what it is well no it's it's literally it's like he's
03:55searching for like the fountain of youth and one of them you know like like there's always like a a quest
04:01that people are looking for and you hear about they're like oh the holy grail the fountain of
04:05youth whatever people looking for mermaids unicorns things that don't exist and to this day i still
04:13have not met the person who has been in a ton of relationships you know they've they've not a ton
04:18not a you know but who has been in multiple relationships and every single one ended amicably
04:25it's just like no we just broke up we just decided no there's always something weird that happens
04:29there's always you do something weird they do something weird it's just part it's you know what
04:34it is it's part of life it really is and then eventually you're you what should happen is you
04:41make your mistakes and you realize you know you know you grow from those mistakes you're like i'm not
04:47gonna do that again that was stupid that was immature and then you get into the right relationship
04:51or or which is great or you make mistakes and you realize and you realize hey i'm at an age where
04:57i'm not gonna drag somebody along i'm at an age i'm at a stage in my life maturity level is that
05:03whatever that i can just say hey it's not going to work and just be done with it sure but you have
05:08to make those mistakes but my point is no one has ever gotten into a relationship and been like
05:12out the jump i nailed it unless you know you might have those oh you know we were in kindergarten he
05:18said i was gonna be his girlfriend and we started dating in kindergarten and then we got together in
05:22high school yeah i bet you if you look there was a okay the closest to that i would say is my cousin
05:28with his wife they were like sweethearts like from god not fatty not the one that's not no no no no
05:39wow not fatty and his girlfriend who may or may not exist no no they still going strong though
05:46i haven't talked to him in a while but he hasn't also told me that they're not okay okay i just don't
05:52know if he knows her actual name yet but um so did i tell you what before i get to that story of my
05:59other cousin last time i saw fatty he was showing me pictures of his girlfriend right and there was
06:05one where him and her were kissing and my aunt was there and she goes did you have to pay her extra
06:11for that anyway so this is my other cousin and him and his girl wife now i mean teenage sweet like
06:22i just remember i was like what are you talking about we're young girl you're gonna matter like
06:28he was like i'm gonna marry this girl whatever and i just i didn't want to believe it i was like
06:32what are you talking about let's go have some sex with girl let's go but whatever no he stayed with
06:37her but even them at one point in their relationship they went on a break i forget why it was but they
06:45just went on a break and in that break he smashed another girl and then they got back together and
06:49he told her he was like yeah i had sex with my girl but anyway my point is like even those couples they
06:54have a situation like that so the holy grail is the person who nails it the first time in a
07:02relationship where both people are in a relationship for the first time and just completely nail it that
07:07doesn't happen it doesn't you know when it happened back like in the 1800s when you know you couldn't
07:15swipe right or swipe left you were just like oh look there's somebody of the opposite sex close to my age
07:22in my village sure okay i'm gonna live here for the rest of my life and so she let's make a life
07:30together other than that it doesn't happen it's definitely not going to happen now when you get
07:33when when people are looking at dating like a menu at the cheesecake factory so help me out because i'm
07:39trying to make the connection between what you're saying yeah and slow burn like how does well the
07:44slow burn was just an example of a of a way of that people break up toxically i guess in a in a not
07:51grown-up way okay and my point is that everybody does some version of that like i said mine wasn't the
07:57slow burn of wait until i hate the person mine was make them hate me you know
08:02that is it sounds ridiculous but it's odd if you really think about yourself you can't be like oh
08:09man in this relationship it was this happened this there was you made mistakes man you've been
08:13divorced i made mistakes but i also learned in my divorce i keep forgetting too i do too yeah
08:19i do too i learned in my journey though like i hate stress over it over everything else i hate
08:27stress and so if dragging somebody along that's going to create stress for me let's say i'm gonna
08:35be selfish about it but you might drag them along because somewhere in your head you're like they
08:38will grow up or they'll get over this or i'll like them again even though i don't i have zero feelings
08:44for them i'll like them again it's like when you have a meal and it's your first time having that meal
08:48and you throw up or something and you're like i'm gonna try it again maybe i won't throw up the
08:55second time kind of like that i guess i'm at a different place remember when i was single
09:00and you all sent me on or linked me up with that lady who was supposed to be match made
09:05matchmaking and i had to go on a blind date oh yeah yeah yeah i still feel bad about that blind date
09:11today because i was so disrespectful because i hadn't not i don't want to say disrespectful i had no
09:18interest and so the date was just like i was just sitting there like looking past her rolling my
09:24eyes looking at the time like i gotta go i'm only doing this for work and i'm bringing that up because
09:30i just if i'm not feeling you i'm gonna let you know i'm just gonna flat out let you know i'm not
09:36gonna play no games man i can't do that right maybe when i was a teenager and in my 20s i'll admit
09:43that type of stuff yes but there comes a point as an adult where you gotta cut that mess out and be
09:51a man be a woman be bold enough to just tell the person you ain't feeling them lero just dropping
09:58obvious knowledge that if we were all robots but then how come everybody don't do it because
10:03we're human beings that's why i smell a hint of cowardness in that that's what i know okay
10:11let me throw this one at you if it was that easy everybody knows what they have to do to be
10:18healthy why is everybody not healthy because you like cinnamon bun yeah exactly that's what i'm
10:23saying but you know what you're supposed to do but you don't do it that's what that's that's what
10:26people do as humans i know what i'm supposed to do to make this work but i don't do it that's why
10:31people fail at jobs that's why people fail in relationships that's why people fail on them
10:36because they know what they're supposed to do but just don't do it instead of scrolling through
10:42my phone and looking at cat videos maybe i should be i don't know going through indeed to look for my
10:47next job but you don't do it that's that's life broken down in the most basic way i just think it's
10:53different if you don't if you don't like someone why are you putting yourself through the pain cut it
10:59off why would you sit there and slow burn a relationship i just told you why i'm saying i
11:05can see if someone if you like someone and they didn't like you and you trying to slow burn it
11:10maybe well maybe they might even though i don't agree with that either but that makes more sense
11:14then i'm not feeling this person but i'll stick around until maybe come up with a good reason maybe
11:19to cut it off maybe you have a lease together and it's not up for eight months there's a couple of
11:24all right that makes sense like i don't feel like moving right and then finally like all right i'm
11:29moving i don't care mom i'm coming back y'all gotta grow up clear the couch grow up people man
11:34don't forget to like and subscribe thank you
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