Unpacking The Office's Pam's journey of confidence and struggle to believe in herself, why it was so difficult for her, the big thing holding her back, and why (no matter how much progress...
04:08Even in her excitement for new possibilities,
04:11she's still weighed down by her fear of stepping outside of the box she's been in for so long.
04:16It's just that the weekends aren't good because there are always a million reasons not to do something.
04:21And her attempts aren't always successful.
04:23Sometimes she puts herself out there only to have it flop,
04:26which can make it even harder to go for things the next time.
04:30It took a lot of courage to finally not only give herself the time and space to create art again,
04:35but also to show it.
04:37And so it's no surprise that she was incredibly deflated when almost no one she invited showed up to support her.
04:44Though things don't always go her way,
04:45she still finds that the more she forces herself to stand up for herself,
04:49the more forward momentum she has, even when things don't work out sometimes.
04:53And she finds herself more willing and able to speak the truth to people around her,
04:57even when she knows it could cause problems or make someone unhappy.
05:01Michael, you couldn't even do that.
05:03Maybe I should be your boss.
05:05Why didn't any of you come to my art show?
05:08I invited all of you.
05:10That really sucked.
05:11But even when she did make progress,
05:14Pam's confidence journey never seemed to get to stay on an upward trajectory for too long.
05:19Over time, Pam began to put herself out there more and more and try big things even though they were scary at first.
05:25And while this led to some big wins,
05:27it also often ended up being where her confidence began to dive.
05:31But maybe one day.
05:33I hope so.
05:35I still need, you know, my breakthrough or whatever.
05:39The big things she tries, like art school or becoming a salesperson,
05:43that take her too far out of her set comfort zone,
05:45actually end up having the opposite effect.
05:48Wasn't her to flee and revert back into the safe old Pam.
05:52Whenever things get too difficult or there's too much pressure,
05:55she climbs back into that same old box she had worked so hard to climb out of.
06:00This isn't totally unrealistic.
06:02Plenty of people make a big move to try something new,
06:04only to realize they might have pushed themselves a bit too far too fast.
06:08But this does over time become a problem for Pam,
06:11because it turns into a continual pattern of backsliding.
06:14Instead of hitting a wall and then deciding to try a new direction or related but different option,
06:21she pretty much always makes the choice to turn right back around to what she was doing before.
06:26The thing that might have made her unhappy, but was comfortable in a way.
06:29Because at least that kind of misery was one that she understood,
06:33and that wouldn't push her too much.
06:35She finally goes to art school, but then drops out because it's too challenging.
06:39Tired of being just a receptionist, she moves into a sales position.
06:43She finds that the role isn't fulfilling, and isn't something that she's particularly good at.
06:48But instead of actually stopping to take stock of her life and what she actually wants to do with it,
06:53she takes the first opportunity she finds to essentially revert back into her old role.
06:58Is one of you the office administrator?
07:00I am.
07:01I'm the office administrator.
07:05Though at least now with a new title and the feeling of a bit more prestige.
07:09While receding back into her comfort zone may feel safe at first,
07:14it never really leads to her feeling happier.
07:17I don't want to fail.
07:19Again.
07:19You didn't fail.
07:21Well, I'm not an artist.
07:24And I'm not a salesman.
07:26So what would you call it?
07:27There's nothing wrong with trying new things and failing.
07:31Or trying new things and deciding that you don't like them and you want to go back to what you were doing before.
07:36But Pam always seems to roll back any forward momentum she gets.
07:40Like she's too afraid to ever really stick a big leap and truly have her life change in a big way.
07:45After keeping her dreams caged for so long,
07:49it's like she's afraid to really let them out and see what her life could become.
07:52Because that would require her to grapple with her uneasiness with the unknown.
07:58While Pam did get to have some big moments of going after what she wanted,
08:02the show always returned her to her earlier nature of only getting pulled into big things for others.
08:08The truth is, it can be hard to believe in yourself when it seems like no one else believes in you.
08:13And to keep going after your dreams when no one but you seems to understand them.
08:18Real art takes courage, okay? And honesty.
08:23Well, those aren't Pam's strong points.
08:24Yeah, exactly. That's why this is motel art.
08:27The only person that's really consistently got her back and seems to believe in her is Michael.
08:32And he's, well, Michael.
08:34Jim Fane's being supportive, but only really seems to believe in her in the most passive of ways.
08:40And is only really happy about her going for what she wants when it won't get in the way of what he wants.
08:46He is super into her when she's unobtainable.
08:48Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry.
08:52But once they're actually together and the chase is over, he's much less attentive and observant.
08:58And as much as he hated on Roy for not appreciating her in the beginning, he goes on to behave the same way.
09:04I don't know what I was so worried about. I have the best wife in the world.
09:09I still can't believe he didn't tell me.
09:10Once she has kids, Pam feels like she's back on that set track of life, where things just happen to her and she has to go along with it because that's just how things are.
09:20And that's not an unrealistic idea.
09:23Having children takes up so much of your time and energy.
09:26And many parents feel that they have to put their own lives on hold for the sake of their kids,
09:30particularly mothers who usually shoulder most of the responsibility for child rearing even when both parents work.
09:37In a time of immense stress, when Jim has essentially abandoned her to go live out his dreams,
09:42she gets into a situationship with Brian, one of the operators working on the Dunder Mifflin documentary.
09:47What am I doing wrong, Brian?
09:49Nothing. You're doing the best you can.
09:51Brian.
09:52Give her a minute.
09:53Just as she began to have her flirtation with Jim when she felt like she was an afterthought to Roy,
09:59Brian momentarily fills the void in her life left by Jim.
10:02Once she realizes that he has real feelings for her, she turns him down, which makes sense since she is married.
10:08But she doesn't really take this whole situation as a sign that maybe she should reassess her current life
10:13and think about if she might be happier going down a different path.
10:17In the same way that her kiss with Jim made her totally rethink her relationship with Roy.
10:22I'm afraid you're going to resent me.
10:24And I'm afraid that this is not enough for you.
10:26And I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you.
10:27Nam ends the show following Jim's dream, just kind of assuming she'll figure out where she fits into the equation
10:34and what she really wants along the way.
10:37I just thought if I could get us an offer, then there wouldn't be anything standing in our way
10:41and I could come to you with this big Jim gesture.
10:45This isn't a total negative, of course.
10:47It's important for couples to be able to work through issues and find compromises that work for both parties.
10:52But this isn't really a compromise.
10:55It's Jim getting everything he wants while Pam is back to just going with the flow.
11:00But importantly, going back to square one doesn't mean being stuck there forever.
11:05She's found her confidence more than once, so there's no reason to believe she can't do it again.
11:10There's nothing wrong with not wanting to make big sweeping changes in your life all of the time,
11:14or just having smaller dreams of a simple life.
11:17Pam's issue is that she falls back into being so passive that she risks becoming an observer
11:22rather than an active participant in her own life.
11:25At the end, we see how watching her life play out on screen, especially those early days,
11:30makes it clear to her what kinds of problems her lack of confidence and self-belief caused her.
11:35After a few episodes, it was too painful.
11:37I kept wanting to scream at Pam.
11:40It took me so long to do so many important things.
11:44So, armed with that knowledge and years more life experience,
11:47hopefully the next time around, she has a much easier time convincing herself
11:51to actually take herself into consideration,
11:54and not put her own needs last behind everyone else's.
11:58Just because Pam's confidence journey isn't a perfect upward trajectory
12:01doesn't make it unrealistic.
12:03If anything, it makes it more relatable to a lot of people.
12:07As with any long-running show,
12:08there's always a question of how much character backsliding is based on the writers
12:12actually feeling like it makes sense for the character,
12:14and how much is just based on trying to flanderize them to get back to the show's glory days.
12:19But much of Pam's story does reflect a version of reality that many face,
12:24especially women who were raised to put everyone else's happiness before their own.
12:28So, the biggest takeaway we can pull from Pam's story
12:30is just to check in with ourselves and make sure that we're making choices
12:34based on what we actually want,
12:36and what's best for us too,
12:38Instead of always only thinking about everyone else,
12:42everyone deserves to believe in themselves,
12:44and to feel free to follow their dreams, big or small.
12:48If someone out there saw this,
12:49and she said to herself,
12:52love yourself, conquer your fears,
12:54just go after what you want.
12:57That's the take!
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