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00:00There's only one thing worse than getting betrayed by a lover,
00:03getting betrayed by your best friend.
00:05I'm literally gonna get violent.
00:08There is no need to get violent.
00:09Sometimes it's just a misunderstanding or a little spat
00:11that ends up bringing two friends closer together.
00:14I feel like I've lost a lot this year.
00:18And I couldn't survive if I lost you.
00:23But other times the pain cuts too deep,
00:26and leads to feuds that last a lifetime,
00:29breaking up with a romantic partner,
00:31and the ensuing drama is a staple of film and TV.
00:34I'm sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?
00:39We were on a break.
00:41But what about the heartbreak that comes from losing a friend?
00:44I wish never to see or speak to you again.
00:48Let's dive into some of the most heart-wrenching
00:50friend betrayals and breakups on screen,
00:52to analyze why heartbreak doesn't just apply to romantic relationships,
00:56and why those friendship breakups are actually more painful.
01:00Humans are generally quite social beings.
01:02Missed ya.
01:03I missed you.
01:05I missed you so much.
01:06Been one night.
01:09Are we gonna go to school?
01:10Nope.
01:10Our interactions and relationships define the kinds of lives we live.
01:14No matter how shy or asocial someone may be,
01:17they still need some kind of socializing to survive and thrive.
01:21It might just look a little different for those who are more introverted.
01:24As Oberlin College noted in its introduction to its
01:27On Being Social Beings course back in 2021,
01:30We live in families.
01:31We work in teams.
01:32We envision duty and purpose through religious fellowship.
01:35We negotiate through economic alliances and political coalitions.
01:39And our norms are shaped by our culture,
01:41itself an emergent property of group living.
01:44From the moment we're born until the day we die,
01:46we rely on relationships to survive.
01:49I'm Joel.
01:49Look, you wait.
01:50We didn't kill each other.
01:51Let's call this a win-win and move on.
01:53There's the family that forms the foundation of our early social experiences,
01:57whom we connect with at the base level through genetics and kinship.
02:00And then we have our found and forged family, our friends.
02:04Did we just become best friends?
02:05Yep!
02:06Whether they're an acquaintance that gets you through that one awkward social gathering
02:10So, uh, how do you know Candy?
02:12Ah, we go to school together.
02:13Oh, okay, yeah.
02:14Or the person you turn to for support at every twist and turn in life.
02:18Bitch, you're my soulmate.
02:20You associate through shared interests, aligned values,
02:23and eventually an emotional, spiritual, and personal connection.
02:27Unlike some family members and romantic partners,
02:29you choose your friends.
02:31Friends become our allies, confidants, and partners
02:34in navigating life's many challenges.
02:36You know, boyfriends and girlfriends are gonna come and go,
02:39but this is for life.
02:41So then it's no surprise that when a friendship faces hardship,
02:43it can be incredibly painful.
02:46As neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman explained to Scientific America,
02:49Languages around the world use pain language to express social pain.
02:53As it turns out, it is more than a metaphor.
02:55Social pain is real pain.
02:57We aren't taught friendship in school,
02:59and things only grow more complicated as we grow older.
03:02When we're young, making friends can be pretty straightforward.
03:05Hi, guy.
03:07If you want, you could be as other mom with me.
03:11Really?
03:12But as we age, our developing morals and values,
03:15facing different challenges, geographical distance, and external pressures
03:19can drive wedges into even the purest friendships.
03:22Some of these challenges make friendships stronger.
03:24I just can't imagine my life without you.
03:26But others can shatter the relationship altogether,
03:29leaving one or both sides painfully scrambling to pick up the pieces.
03:33I was your only friend.
03:37Yet one friend.
03:38Worst of all, however, is when that wedge forms inside the friendship,
03:42particularly a betrayal that breaks the unspoken trust.
03:45It sends each person into a dizzying spiral of wounded self-esteem,
03:57fractured senses of security and safety,
03:59and an altered portrayal of the world at large.
04:02You were the chosen one!
04:06It was said that you would destroy this thing, not join them!
04:09As Dr. Mariana Bakarova said on Psychology Today,
04:12when betrayal occurs in a friendship,
04:14the expectations of friendship, support, respect, loyalty,
04:17shared moral standards, honesty, reciprocity,
04:20or genuine connection are violated.
04:23In fact, betrayal trauma can also cause negative beliefs
04:25about our own sense of safety and trust on a wider scale.
04:29The ends of friendships often lack the clear-cut closure
04:32that romantic breakups might have, leading to unresolved feelings
04:35and unanswered questions that could last a lifetime.
04:38Additionally, a friendship between two people
04:40rarely only affects each other.
04:42Each person is often part of a larger social circle,
04:45and their breakup sends shockwaves through that community.
04:48It's just, you know, we've all become such good friends.
04:50Good friends?
04:51Do you mean the people that I've known since kindergarten,
04:54and you've known for six months?
04:56Those good friends?
04:57It harms other mutual friendships,
04:59and alters both their places in social circles.
05:02Losing a friend, especially through something as heartbreaking as betrayal,
05:05isn't just about losing that person.
05:07You're also losing a part of yourself.
05:09You lose the vulnerability, intimacy, support system,
05:12and future memories you could have made with them.
05:15Betrayal shows up in many different forms on screen,
05:18from hilarious misunderstandings that get resolved quickly,
05:21to deeper schisms that can seem,
05:23and might even actually be, insurmountable.
05:26I'm trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.
05:30You did that when you signed.
05:32All right, we're done.
05:34Whether it's a small, realistic story,
05:36over-the-top dramatic clash, or out-of-this-world chaos,
05:39friendship betrayal is always difficult.
05:41Like Krista dating Nadine's brother in The Edge of Seventeen,
05:44despite the siblings' animosity towards each other.
05:47You can't, you can't have both.
05:49It's me or him. Pick.
05:52No, I'm, no, I'm not gonna pick.
05:54The built-up tension and lies between Molly and Amy in Booksmart.
05:58You're selfish and mean!
06:00You're a bad friend! You're a f***ing bad friend!
06:02Cruel, inconsiderate, or mistaken actions taken against the other,
06:06like when Martin outed Simon in Love, Simon.
06:09I'm supposed to be the one that decides when and where and how
06:12and who knows and how I get to say it that's supposed to be my thing,
06:15and you took that away from me.
06:17The back-and-forth betrayal and
06:18forgiveness between Emily and Camille in Emily in Paris.
06:21She pretended to be my friend while she had an affair with my boyfriend.
06:25Differences in morals or priorities like Tony Stark and Steve Rogers
06:28in Captain America Civil War,
06:30Charles Xavier and Eric Lensher in X-Men First Class.
06:33We want the same thing.
06:36My friend.
06:38I'm sorry.
06:40But we do not.
06:41Wanda Maximoff and Agatha Harkness in WandaVision,
06:44and even Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin in The Social Network,
06:48and so many more.
06:50Because you take everything from me!
06:52Nate, my mom!
06:53Where?
06:53You can't even help it!
06:54It's who you are!
06:56People break boundaries, tell lies, and grow apart,
06:59and while there are many ways friends have been shown to betray one another,
07:02they all still have one thing in common – heartbreak.
07:06Even lower-stakes betrayals can get under our skin,
07:08like in Friends when Monica hung out and went shopping with Julie,
07:11Ross's current girlfriend, and thus Rachel's current arch-nemesis.
07:15Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's?
07:17The show openly poked fun at the similarities between
07:19cheating on your romantic partner and cheating on your best friend,
07:22but we can expect our friends to be on our side no matter what,
07:25and so it can hurt to find out they're not,
07:27even when it's something relatively small.
07:29I feel terrible, I really do.
07:31Oh, I'm sorry.
07:32Did my back hurt your knife?
07:33This idea of friendship cheating has begun to show up more and more on screen,
07:38as the importance of friendships has been allowed to gain equal footing
07:41to romantic partnerships.
07:43Take Sex Education, when Eric starts hanging out with other people
07:46and spending less time with Otis.
07:48You so got uninvited.
07:50Eric's friends with the popular kids now,
07:51and he doesn't want you tagging along.
07:55Of course, it's also so much more complicated than that,
07:58as most things are.
08:00They're each struggling with their own personal issues,
08:02and since they're such different people in important ways,
08:05they can often struggle to empathize with the other.
08:08I just, I don't feel like you really heard what I've said.
08:15I don't feel like you've heard what I've said.
08:17Otis is focused on his relationship problems with Maeve and his mom, Jean,
08:20and Eric is struggling to reconcile his sexual identity with the unfortunately
08:25intensely judgmental community of his church,
08:27and feeling like Otis never truly listened to him.
08:30Look, I'm just, I guess I'm just trying to say that we're very different,
08:34and we don't really talk about it.
08:36Okay, but why are you blaming me for that?
08:38I'm not blaming you.
08:39Far from just being about growing apart,
08:42their conflict arose from a very complicated web of issues.
08:45It was the ultimate culmination of the tensions, insecurities,
08:48and differences that had been building between the two friends for a while.
08:52And that, combined with their history and long friendship,
08:55made their breakup hurt that much more.
08:58Maybe we need some time apart from each other.
09:04Yeah.
09:04One of the major threads of Euphoria's second season was Cassie's betrayal of Maddie,
09:08which we discussed at length in our Maddie video.
09:11The show didn't just leave it as some poorly sketched fighting over a boy scenario,
09:15and instead truly dove into the real pain at the heart of the conflict,
09:19being betrayed by someone you always thought you could trust.
09:22This isn't about Nate.
09:23This is about you and me and our friendship,
09:26and if you want to throw it away, then fine.
09:28Sure, Maddie was pissed about Nate being an asshole,
09:30but she was really broken by the fact that her best friend in the entire world
09:35not only lied to her, but did so to hook up with the guy
09:38who had treated her so terribly for so long.
09:41You're a f***ing coward, and I would have never done this to you.
09:44But we also got to see Cassie's side as well,
09:47the deep insecurity and internal struggle that led her to be so desperate
09:52that she would throw everything in her life away for this one horrible guy.
09:56While the betrayal cut Maddie quite deeply,
09:58in the end it did also spur her to take stock of her life,
10:01realize she didn't want to get stuck in this cycle,
10:04and begin making choices to center herself and her future.
10:07In more fantastical stories, we often see more overt good versus evil stories,
10:12where the good guy's friend betrays them for the riches or power of the dark side.
10:16A classic example is in Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back,
10:19where we felt the shock and heartbreak when Lando Calrissian
10:22betrayed Han Solo and the crew to Darth Vader.
10:24I had no choice. They arrived right before you did.
10:27I'm sorry. I'm sorry too.
10:31From Lando's perspective, he thought betraying Han was the best option in the long run,
10:34and the safest option for himself.
10:36But Han's morals differed greatly.
10:38He would never betray his loved ones to the enemy for political,
10:41monetary, or personal gain.
10:43He may pretend he's selfish and indifferent, but we know better, Han.
10:46I love you.
10:47I know.
10:49Another heartbreaking moment in Star Wars was, of course,
10:52between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith.
10:55Both men felt betrayed.
10:57Anakin blamed Obi-Wan for an imagined relationship with Padme
11:00and for not supporting him more against the Jedi Council.
11:04You will not take her from me!
11:06Your anger and your lust for power have already done that.
11:09Obi-Wan blamed Anakin for succumbing to the dark side and, well, murdering people.
11:14Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!
11:18If you're not with me, then you're my enemy.
11:24On both sides, though, there was utter heartbreak,
11:26and both would carry that loss for the rest of their lives.
11:29Then my friend is truly dead.
11:31Romantic breakups are tough,
11:33but at least you have your friends there to support you.
11:35But what happens when you break up with a friend?
11:38Who can you turn to for support?
11:39Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.
11:44Angel, you still have your son.
11:47I guess.
11:49On-screen betrayal stories have shown us the many different ways
11:52people try to deal with being betrayed by a friend.
11:54Don't call me.
11:55Don't come by my house.
11:58We're done.
12:00Everyone reacts to the betrayal, the loss, differently.
12:02Molly and Amy yell at each other.
12:04It was your plan!
12:05That was never my plan!
12:07It's always your plan!
12:07I can't believe you!
12:08Penelope and Eloise avoid each other at all costs.
12:11Tony and Steve, Cassie and Maddie, Wanda and Agatha,
12:14Obi-Wan and Anakin all try to kill each other.
12:16Don't make me kill you.
12:18But despite all the animosity and sadness between the friends,
12:22every now and then we're given some hope.
12:24We see that time, empathy, communication,
12:26and eventual forgiveness are entirely possible in these stories.
12:30Can we be friends again?
12:31Of course.
12:32The characters are sometimes given the opportunity
12:34to really reflect on the situation,
12:36take a look at the bigger picture,
12:38and sometimes even find avenues to empathize
12:41with the person that wronged them.
12:42And when people are willing to attempt to atone for their mistakes,
12:45they're that much closer to healing of fractured friendship.
12:48Because that's what friends do!
12:50They forgive each other!
12:51And this doesn't always happen in the snap of a finger.
12:53It can take a long time and a lot of work.
12:56One or both sides may decide that what happened can't be undone,
12:58and they're better off apart.
13:00I don't know, maybe who you are now and who I am now just don't fit anymore.
13:08Which in the end, despite the heartbreak,
13:10is sometimes the only real path forward.
13:12What matters though is that everyone in every relationship is different,
13:16and goodbye doesn't have to be forever,
13:18if you're willing to put in the effort to make things right.
13:21I'm glad you came.
13:24I'm glad you called.
13:26Ultimately, dealing with friendship betrayal often involves navigating
13:29a labyrinth of unresolved emotions, shifting social dynamics,
13:33and a deep sense of personal loss.
13:36Yet in these narratives, we can also find hope.
13:38The journey through grief, self-reflection,
13:41and the possibility of reconciliation, or acceptance,
13:44reminds us that while the conflict within a friendship can be devastating,
13:47I cannot bear the thought of losing you completely.
13:50Either of you.
13:51I understand.
13:56It also opens the door to new understanding and growth.
14:00The pain of being betrayed by a friend and the subsequent journey
14:03through the stages of grief underscore the profound value
14:06of these relationships in our lives.
14:08Watching these characters go through troubling times and relationships
14:11and still come out the other side, whether by healing together
14:13or moving on separately, reminds us that if they can do it, we can too.
14:17Come on.
14:21Let's go be psychos together.
14:23So what's your take on friendship betrayals?
14:25Did any of these betrayals break your heart?
14:27Did we miss any especially painful ones?
14:29Or did any betrayals teach you something?
14:32Let us know in the comments.
14:34That's the take.
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