Cheating in Plain Sight: The Perils of Chasing The Thrill...

The Take Film TV Movie

From the Coldplay Kiss Cam couple to Sydney Sweeney and Glenn Powell promoting their movie and beyond, cheating has moved into the spotlight in a whole new way as we've all become ever more...

Transcript

00:00The recent viral moment of a couple having their affair outed on the big screen at a Coldplay

00:05concert has everyone talking not only about cheating, but why some people seem to feel

00:11compelled to do it so publicly. Stepping out on one's partner certainly isn't a new phenomenon by

00:17any stretch of the imagination, but the degree that we're all connected now means that it's

00:23easier than ever to get caught. But it seems like, for some people, that might be the goal.

00:30Or at least they certainly don't seem to be attempting to hide. So why do some people want

00:35to have their affairs out in the open? And how is our modern digital landscape changing not only our

00:41ideas of what the public is, but even our ideas around cheating itself? Let's take a closer look.

00:47When we think of infidelity, we most often associate it with sneaking around. The fact

00:53that it's something hidden and taboo is framed as being a major part of what makes it exciting and

00:58fun. You know the rules. I don't make plans and I don't make breakfast. There's a thrill of getting

01:04to experience something new and fresh outside of your actual relationship, without having to give

01:10that relationship up. But no matter how fun it may be, it's still generally something people try to keep

01:25a secret. Whether cheating is seen as bad or defensible, usually depends on which side we're

01:32hearing the story from. I can't believe I'm losing him to Penny Pan. Did you know I've seen her twice,

01:38with her shirt on inside out? Once? Fine. You were rushed in the morning. Twice? You can only be

01:43trusted to butter people's corn at the county fair. If the story is told through the eyes of the person

01:48being cheated on, then it's tragic and painful. And the cheater is in the wrong. And the person they

01:54cheated with is often framed as even worse, particularly if she's a woman, due to the

01:59long-standing trope of blaming women for men making the choice to step outside of their relationships.

02:05If the person we're experiencing the story through is the cheater, however, then things can get a little

02:11more hazy. Because we're with them, we get to see their side of things and how they justify their

02:26choices to themselves and others. This is especially true in rom-coms, where the desired love interest is

02:38often already with someone. But then, that person is framed as the real problem, so it's okay, or

02:45good even, that the love interest cheats on them. As ending long-term relationships and getting divorced

02:51have become more commonplace, and even open relationships are on their way to becoming

02:55normalized in their own right, you'd think we'd be encountering less cheating. But in many ways,

03:01it's starting to feel just the opposite. At their core, affairs aren't just about wanting

03:07something new, but also about the thrill that comes from doing bad things behind someone's back

03:13and not getting caught.

03:14I like being bad and then going home and being good.

03:18In earlier eras, it was easier to keep a lid on cheating, even if you weren't particularly

03:22quiet about it. Take Mad Men's Don Draper's revolving door of girlfriends, who his wife never

03:28has any idea about because he met them all in the city, while she was out in the suburbs being miserable.

03:34Our modern world, however, is much more connected and surveilled, which has had far-reaching consequences

03:40when it comes to everything, including affairs.

03:44So obviously it's not your husband's in the photos. Your highlight's in the shot of gold, not blonde,

03:50so that's only about three months ago. As we've moved further into this always-connected digital age,

03:56the idea of what even constitutes in public has expanded. Now, we can each individually

04:03reach a wider circulation than even newspapers of previous eras could have dreamed of.

04:08This gives us a platform to share our happiest and proudest moments,

04:12but also can mean that there are a lot of eyes on us during our worst as well.

04:17And I open up social media and I'm getting tagged back and forth and back and forth over, like,

04:22something he captioned or wrote on a photo.

04:26The broad and constantly available connection to people around the world can make infidelity

04:32even easier, as now you don't even have to get up off the couch to step out of your relationship.

04:37It also means that it's easier to become aware that your partner is having an affair.

04:42My marriage has survived several affairs already.

04:45Oh. Ready?

04:47I've just never been party to them.

04:49The internet went wild when a video of a couple freaking out upon realizing

04:54that they were on the Kiss Cam at a Coldplay concert went viral.

04:57The fact that they were clearly up to something was pretty immediately apparent,

05:02as even singer Chris Martin made a joke about it in the moment.

05:05Either they're living in a fan or it's a great show.

05:08It spread like wildfire, with people finding not only the LinkedIn pages for both the man and woman,

05:14but also his wife.

05:16While it might have been funny for randoms online to watch this guy's life go up in flames,

05:21it likely wasn't a great feeling for his wife to get flooded with hundreds of messages with

05:26images of him holding someone else.

05:29When one or both parties in the relationship is famous, this can be exacerbated even further.

05:35After her husband left her and her newborn baby to be with Ariana Grande,

05:39Ethan Slater's ex-wife Dr. Lily J wrote in a piece for the cut,

05:43Days with my son are sunny.

05:45Days when I can't escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life

05:50are darker.

05:51But why do some people seem so determined to take this act that's generally thought of as hidden

05:57out into the public realm?

05:59For some people, it seems that just cheating isn't enough of a thrill.

06:05They want to push the envelope when it comes to the possibility of getting caught,

06:09and so they take their affairs out into the world.

06:13I love you.

06:14Your wife is ten feet away.

06:16I love you.

06:17The reasons behind this can vary widely.

06:19Some research has suggested that people who choose to cheat because they feel a lack in their

06:24relationship, or because they feel they need a boost to their own self-esteem,

06:29are more likely to engage in their affairs more publicly.

06:33Some people just genuinely think they won't get caught.

06:36Either because they think they are being sneaky, or they just think no one will notice,

06:41or sometimes they just don't really seem to care one way or the other as long as they get to do what

06:46they want.

06:47As we talked about in our video on the connection between art and infidelity,

06:51Ariana Grande has a bit of a pattern of getting into relationships with people that are already

06:56in them, being rather public about it and even talking about it in her songs,

07:00and then acting like everyone else is weird for talking about it at all.

07:12But in the end, she does always get to just do what, and who, she wants and keep living her life,

07:19seemingly unmoved by the scrutiny. So…

07:26Many of these couples aren't necessarily trying to be noticed,

07:30but come to find that to keep up the thrill of the danger of getting caught,

07:34they need to keep ramping up how out there they are with the affair.

07:38So you're like playing games with them?

07:40We both do it.

07:42It's like hide and seek.

07:44Keeps things interesting.

07:46The Coldplay couple seemed to fall into this category, for example.

07:49While it's clear that they didn't want to get caught, they weren't really hiding.

07:53They were happy to be out and about, in a box at a concert for one of the biggest bands currently

07:58touring. Out in the open, in front of everyone. But then when they actually got caught in 4K…

08:06The fun of being naughty immediately dissipated.

08:09Finally, there are those who do actually actively want to be seen in the midst of their affair.

08:15This could stem from thinking that being seen out and about with someone new

08:19will make them feel cooler or more desirable.

08:22Or it could come from a desire to replicate a version of love they've seen in others,

08:28and through displaying it publicly prove to others that they are worthy of that love.

08:32We see this in Euphoria with Cassie, for example.

08:35Aren't you afraid people are going to look down on you?

08:38At least I loved.

08:40After hooking up with Nate, she becomes obsessed with creating the perfect relationship with him,

08:45one that overshadows the one he had with Maddie and will make her dreams come true.

08:50The reality is very different.

08:52Not only does she not end up with a fairytale romance, she also loses her best friend.

08:58This isn't about Nate, this is about you and me and our friendship and if you want to throw it away,

09:03then fine. Because I don't want to be f***ing friends with you.

09:07In the real world, these kinds of public affairs can even be used by celebrities for their own gain.

09:12All press is a good press, or at least that's what they hope.

09:16Sidney Sweeney and Glenn Powell leaned way into speculation around them having an affair during

09:21the filming of and press tour for their romcom Anyone But You.

09:25Check out the new trailer for my new movie.

09:27My movie.

09:28It's actually my movie.

09:29Well, we'll see who's movie does when it comes out.

09:31Okay.

09:32It did grab them headlines, but it also made both of them look pretty bad

09:37when it came out that while Sidney's fiancé was in on it, Glenn's girlfriend was not.

09:43And that brings us to the final part of the public cheating equation.

09:47While the cheaters might pull in the most attention, especially in the case of celebrity

09:51relationships, it's the person who was cheated on publicly who is left to suffer,

09:57often without the same avenues to discuss their side of the story.

10:00Gigi Paris, who was dating Glenn Powell during the Anyone But You controversy,

10:04opened up about how difficult it was to watch her boyfriend play into these rumors

10:09and tell her it was all just a part of his job.

10:12I had two options.

10:13I could either pretend like I was going along with everything and have everyone wonder,

10:19like, are they hooking up?

10:20Or stand up for myself and say, no, I'm actually not okay with this and I'm walking away.

10:25Whether the cheating happens on the world stage or just the local one,

10:29having everyone immediately aware of it and in your business,

10:32sometimes before you even find out, can add extra insult to injury.

10:37You have made a fool of me for years with these...

10:42Now it's come into our home?!

10:43Having to deal with the pain of betrayal,

10:45while under the microscope of public scrutiny, can make everything more difficult.

10:50Maddie wasn't just angry about Nate and Cassie,

10:53she was also depressed and heartbroken.

10:56And while on-screen the ones hurt might get the opportunity to stand out for themselves face to face,

11:02I am deeply sorry for what I did to you.

11:06Are you through?

11:07Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.

11:13In real life, that can be a lot more difficult.

11:16How cheating works in public and private,

11:19and what even constitutes cheating continues to evolve with society.

11:24A new wrench in the mix is the emergence of AI companions.

11:28While the concept of chatbots that respond to you isn't new by a long shot,

11:32these modern versions are really drawing people in with their constantly affirming,

11:37never-questioning attitudes, and totally customizable avatars.

11:42They allow people to just create the exact partner they think they want,

11:46instead of actually having to go out and find a real person who might have all of those icky human

11:51problems, like opinions and independent thoughts.

11:55Real relationships have a give and a take. This is all take all the time.

11:59I don't think it's really going to meet the deep down psychological need that people who are lonely have.

12:05And this has already led to people cheating on their real flesh and blood spouses with their AI companions.

12:10And because these bots aren't real, it seems that many feel it's okay to do this right out in the open,

12:16in front of those spouses.

12:18Are you okay with it?

12:20I mean, it's weird, but it is what it is.

12:23This has led to some spouses choosing to leave because they can't stand watching their partner

12:28cheat on them with these digital bots, and to the cheaters themselves opting to leave their

12:32human relationships to focus on the ones they have with their AI spouse.

12:37Infidelity is a complex topic, and it's only becoming more so with time.

12:41And as it becomes more public, people will continue to talk about it because it's a taboo that everyone

12:47can connect to on some level. Either out of fear of it happening to them, commiserating because

12:52it has happened to them, or even wanting to do it themselves. Instead of just blowing up these

12:58viral moments, however, we should also try to dig into the more important conversations about how

13:04we treat each other. In private, in public, and in the digital sphere.

13:10That's the take! Click here to watch the video we think you'll love.

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