- 2 days ago
This week, The Grand Tour arrives in Stuttgart, the home of Porsche and Mercedes-Benz. In this show, James May takes the new Honda NSX supercar to the Eboladrome to push its cutting-edge hybrid technology to the limit and Richard Hammond immerses himself in the world of doomsday preppers as he constructs a ‘bugout’ vehicle that will allow him to survive a bleak future of nuclear winters, alien invasions and massed herds of zombies. Meanwhile, in a less realistic attempt at engineering, Jeremy Clarkson invents a new kind of fashionable SUV. Also in this show, the hosts attempt to meet the future demands of electric cars by harnessing power from the currently untapped actions of everyday life.
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00For more information, visit www.fema.org
00:01:00Thank you very much.
00:01:15Danke.
00:01:16Danke.
00:01:17Und willkommen in the Große Tor, which this week comes from Germany.
00:01:21We're here.
00:01:23We're here.
00:01:26Specifically, we are in the city of Stuttgart, except we nearly weren't because one of your
00:01:35local green politicians tried to ban us from coming here.
00:01:39Now, I don't want to embarrass the poor man on television, so I've hidden his identity.
00:01:46I certainly don't want to tell you his name, which is Andreas Kasdorf.
00:02:01Not a popular man, but you elected him.
00:02:08Anyway, he says that we'd be unwelcome here because this is a very bicycle-friendly place.
00:02:14It isn't.
00:02:15It's the home of Mercedes and Porsche.
00:02:19And Germany...
00:02:20Exactly.
00:02:21Germany...
00:02:23Germany is the cradle of the automobile.
00:02:29The car was actually invented here.
00:02:31It's the last place on earth you can drive a car as fast as it will go on the motorway.
00:02:38True.
00:02:39All true.
00:02:40This is a true fact.
00:02:41This is a true fact.
00:02:42The Germans are the only people on earth who really know how to make a car.
00:02:48This is...
00:02:49It's a true fact.
00:02:50It's a true fact.
00:02:51No, it's true.
00:02:52We were coming out.
00:02:53I'll tell you a story.
00:02:54There was a Mercedes engineer and a Jaguar engineer having dinner one night.
00:02:59And the Mercedes engineer said, we have...
00:03:01Forgive the accent.
00:03:02We have a quality test at the Mercedes factory.
00:03:06Every night we take a car off the line at random.
00:03:10We put a cat in it.
00:03:12Close the doors.
00:03:13If when we come back in the morning, we know the door seals are working correctly
00:03:18if the cat has suffocated.
00:03:21Give me an aww.
00:03:24Now the Jaguar engineer said, yeah, we've got something very similar at our factory.
00:03:30We take a car off the line at random.
00:03:32We put a cat in it.
00:03:33We close the door.
00:03:34And we know the car's been built properly if when we come back in the morning,
00:03:38the cat hasn't escaped.
00:03:39True story.
00:03:40Yeah.
00:03:41True story.
00:03:42The strange thing is, it isn't just cats.
00:03:47It isn't just cars that are built well here.
00:03:49It's absolutely everything.
00:03:51Except wine.
00:03:52Yeah, except wine.
00:03:53Except for wine.
00:03:54Sorry.
00:03:55Well, come on.
00:03:56Oh, now, come on.
00:03:57You drink that stuff?
00:03:58Yeah.
00:03:59I wouldn't wash my hair in it.
00:04:01Are you sure?
00:04:02No, it is literally everything though.
00:04:04I mean, German soft toys better than anybody else's soft toys.
00:04:08Cameras, kitchen appliances.
00:04:10The Queen of England.
00:04:11She's German.
00:04:12She is.
00:04:13That's why she's still working even though she's 147 years old.
00:04:17There is no word here for that'll do.
00:04:20There is no ambiguity at all in Germany.
00:04:23You certainly see this with films, okay?
00:04:25The names you have for American films.
00:04:28I've got some here.
00:04:29Okay.
00:04:30You remember Airplane?
00:04:31Airplane, yeah.
00:04:32Airplane, yes.
00:04:33In Germany, it was called The Unbelievable Journey in a Crazy Airplane.
00:04:38That is a comprehensive title, is it?
00:04:41You know where you are.
00:04:42Yeah.
00:04:43What was Jaws?
00:04:44The what?
00:04:45The Vicer?
00:04:46The White Shark.
00:04:47The White Shark.
00:04:48It should have been The Massive Shark That Explodes Eventually.
00:04:52It would have come.
00:04:53You know where you are going with that.
00:04:55What was, um, what was Basic Instinct?
00:04:58Basic Instinct.
00:04:59Just not a brief glimpse of Sharon Stone's vagina.
00:05:02Yes, great.
00:05:03Shall we get on with the show?
00:05:04Yes, good idea.
00:05:05Because in tonight's car programme...
00:05:09Richard walks a dog.
00:05:13James hangs around a gym.
00:05:17And I say good shot.
00:05:18Good shot?
00:05:19Not.
00:05:21But before all that, I'd like to talk about the original Honda NSX.
00:05:25We have a picture of it here.
00:05:26Now, when that car was launched in 1990, it was considered remarkable
00:05:31because it was fast and it was exciting like a Ferrari,
00:05:34but unlike a Ferrari of the time,
00:05:36it was also incredibly reliable and very, very easy to drive.
00:05:40Now, Honda killed that car off 12 years ago,
00:05:43but finally they've come up with a replacement.
00:05:46So I've been down to our track to see what it's like.
00:05:52This is it.
00:05:55It costs £138,000,
00:05:58around the same as a Porsche 911 Turbo S.
00:06:01And it has the futuristic lines you would expect of a rare breed Honda.
00:06:08Power comes from a 3.5-litre twin-turbo V6,
00:06:13backed up by a squadron of electric motors.
00:06:18Together, they give the NSX 573 horsepower.
00:06:22So you would assume the performance is something to shout about.
00:06:29Now, if you ask Honda for the technical information on this car,
00:06:33they will email you a file so enormous that it actually breaks the internet.
00:06:38And yet, nowhere in it does it mention the 0-60 time.
00:06:41They simply refuse to tell us what it is.
00:06:44And I know 0-60 times are irrelevant in the real world,
00:06:48and they're rather childish,
00:06:49but look, this is a supercar.
00:06:50It's top trumps, isn't it?
00:06:52It's important.
00:06:53So I'm going to find out what it is for you using this.
00:06:56It is a data-o-logger.
00:06:58Right, put it in track mode.
00:07:05Here we go.
00:07:06Launch control.
00:07:07Foot on the brake.
00:07:08Mash the pedal.
00:07:23I'm not sure that was quite as neck-snapping as a Nissan GT-R,
00:07:26but it wasn't far off.
00:07:28Let's see what I did.
00:07:323.2 seconds 0-60,
00:07:35which means it isn't quite as fast as a McLaren 570S
00:07:42or a 911 Turbo S or a Ferrari 488 GTB.
00:07:47That's why they're not mentioning it.
00:07:49Honda is happy to quote the top speed, which is 191 miles an hour.
00:07:58But that, too, is slower than its rivals from Ferrari, Porsche and McLaren.
00:08:07So, has the new NSX got anything in the performance department
00:08:10that makes it rise above its supercar peers?
00:08:16Well, yes, actually.
00:08:18Firstly, there are the brakes, which are fly-by-wire.
00:08:20There is no physical connection to the pedal.
00:08:23And that's because they have to harvest energy to recharge the battery system.
00:08:27It's a much cleverer version of that than you get on the Porsche 918,
00:08:30a car that costs five times as much.
00:08:34And then there's the hybrid system.
00:08:35It uses not one electric motor, as you might expect, but three.
00:08:39And the way it uses them is well good.
00:08:47The one at the back is the wingman for the petrol engine,
00:08:51filling the power gaps when the turbos lag.
00:08:53This gives the NSX ballistic pick-up at any speed.
00:09:01Look, instant shove, and it's lovely.
00:09:12But actually, it's the two at the front that are the real party piece,
00:09:15because they drive a wheel each, totally independently of each other,
00:09:19which means this car has a sort of space-age four-wheel drive.
00:09:25And that means extraordinary things happen when you throw it into a corner.
00:09:38So as you approach a corner like this one,
00:09:40computers are measuring the speed,
00:09:42they're measuring g-force, steering input and so forth,
00:09:44they're adding power to the wheel or taking power away from the wheel as it's needed.
00:09:50And there you get, perfectly flat, perfectly controlled corner.
00:09:55It is a bit like driving a Honda Civic.
00:10:00There are people who would say that technology like this in a car helping it to feel secure
00:10:05will make it dull, but it doesn't feel dull to me.
00:10:08It feels tremendous.
00:10:10I'm going fast and I'm relaxing.
00:10:14But what's wrong with that?
00:10:18But the futuristic four-wheel drive isn't the only piece of 23rd century engineering on the NSX.
00:10:25The aerodynamics, for example, are so clever they can cool all the motors
00:10:30while providing vast amounts of grip-enhancing downforce to the front and rear wheels.
00:10:39And it does all this without anything as old-fashioned as huge wings and spoilers.
00:10:45It's not just the technology, which is brilliant, it's that that technology is on this car.
00:11:03Yes, we have hybrid supercars, we have the LaFerrari, we have McLaren P1, the Porsche 918,
00:11:08but they're in the million pound bracket.
00:11:11This is only an eighth of the price of the LaFerrari and it's actually cleverer.
00:11:19I love this, I love the way it looks, I love the sounds it makes,
00:11:23I like the sophistication of the hybrid drive, I like the performance,
00:11:27I like the steering feel, I like the interior.
00:11:30I really, really like it and I find myself wanting one quite badly.
00:11:33The original NSX made owning a supercar less painful and less expensive.
00:11:43This has done the same for the hybrid supercar.
00:11:48It really is a worthy successor.
00:11:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:12:05Friends, Honda, Honda took ten years to develop that car.
00:12:11And?
00:12:12Well, ten years is an enormous amount of time to do a car.
00:12:15Well, you can't criticise something because people spent too long on it.
00:12:18People aren't going to say I'm not going to go and look around Cologne Cathedral,
00:12:21they took 600 years to build it.
00:12:24Anyway, I love it. I love that car.
00:12:27Anyway, look, we've heard what you've got to say about the NSX
00:12:31and now it's time to hand it over to a man who thinks that,
00:12:34well, potted plants are a communist plot.
00:12:37Yep, here he comes. It's the American.
00:12:39Come to England. Shit weather. Shit beer.
00:12:48And he's off. Clearly in a tremendous mood.
00:12:53But it is very wet out there. Wipers flapping away as he powers onto the isn't straight.
00:13:00Looking good.
00:13:02Where I come from, this thing's badged and accurate.
00:13:05Kind of like a loser's Cadillac.
00:13:06And yet strangely we're still waiting for Cadillac's hybrid supercar.
00:13:12Right, now flying into your name here, this really is a good day to have four-wheel drive.
00:13:18I'm sure even the American can appreciate the Honda's high-tech features.
00:13:22What is this space invader shit?
00:13:25Clearly not. Right, full power for the isn't again.
00:13:28Electric ain't for engines, it's for lights and chairs.
00:13:33He is not a modern man, is he?
00:13:36Right, carving through the standing water into old lady's house.
00:13:40Slithering about a bit and now he's leaning on it for the unsettled section past the hangers and up to substation.
00:13:47Hard on those Wi-Fi breaks for the second to last corner.
00:13:53How's he going to manage through here?
00:13:55Yes, stepping out a bit under power.
00:13:58Through field to sheet, keeping it tidy through there and across the line.
00:14:01Right, let's see now where the NSX goes on our lap board.
00:14:18Let's have a look.
00:14:22Oh dear, James.
00:14:24James, why didn't you tell us it was very slow?
00:14:35It's streaming wet.
00:14:37So hang on a minute, we've had a review from a tortoise and a wet lap, which means we've learnt precisely nothing.
00:14:45Yeah, you're right, nothing at all.
00:14:47Nothing at all. Nothing at all.
00:14:48So let's move on, shall we?
00:14:49Yes, let's do that.
00:14:50Let's do that by popping some loose change in the ticket machine so we can park a while on Conversation Street.
00:15:07I've got some conversation.
00:15:08Good.
00:15:10Last night at midnight there was an alarm in Stuttgart.
00:15:13The Green Party that runs the city asked really everyone here not to use wood burning stoves and not to drive their car today.
00:15:23Why?
00:15:24Because of the smog.
00:15:25Am I making this up?
00:15:26There it is.
00:15:27I can't, I can't imagine anything clear.
00:15:42That is, that is gin clear but according to the Green Party, I'm not making this up, you're all from Stuttgart, yes?
00:15:48Yes.
00:15:49There is an alarm today because of the smog.
00:15:53Yes.
00:15:55How clear is it on a good day?
00:15:57I know.
00:15:58Can I, I'll just, we've got a photograph here of Beijing on, now.
00:16:03Let us compare and contrast Beijing on a smoggy day with Stuttgart on a, not the same, is it?
00:16:09The smoggy day.
00:16:10Now can I just ask, what would you have done if they'd have actually ordered you not to drive cars?
00:16:15You know, at the moment it's an advisory.
00:16:17If they'd said you are banned from driving cars, what would you have done?
00:16:21Come on the train?
00:16:23That's unbelievable.
00:16:24This is the thing that we don't really understand about Germany.
00:16:27Once something becomes a rule, it is a rule.
00:16:29In fact, I once had this, I once had a very interesting conversation with two friends of mine.
00:16:32One is from California and one is from Germany.
00:16:35And we were talking about losing your driving license.
00:16:38And the Californian said, in Germany, what would happen if you lost your license and then you, you know, drove your car?
00:16:44And the German said, no, you cannot do this.
00:16:47And he says, yeah, I know, but what if, you know, I know you're not supposed to, but what if you, what if you did?
00:16:51He says, no, you cannot drive, you have no license.
00:16:55And the Californian went, yeah, man, but you know, late one night, you just, hell, you go for a drive.
00:17:00And the gentleman went, it is impossible to drive with a license.
00:17:03Impossible.
00:17:04Impossible.
00:17:05Actually, there's an interesting thing I discovered here.
00:17:09On a motorway, okay, if the, obviously you can drive as fast as you like here, and you get people sometimes, not often, because your lane discipline is unbelievable, but sometimes they sit in the outside lane just dawdling.
00:17:23If you tailgate them, okay, now I've got the fines here, you get a 400 euro fine, two penalty points and a three month ban for tailgating.
00:17:34That is extreme.
00:17:35Yes.
00:17:36Ouch.
00:17:37Right, but if you overtake them on the inside, just go past them on the inside, that's 150 euro fine and one point.
00:17:43There you go.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45That.
00:17:46No.
00:17:47This is where it gets really good.
00:17:48If you go on the hard shoulder to overtake them, the emergency lane, okay, that's also one point, but only 90 euro fine.
00:17:54There's your answer.
00:17:55That's what you do.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58No.
00:17:59No, because.
00:18:00Aha.
00:18:01You may think that, but if you fit your car with blue lights, flashing blue lights, basically, you turn your car into a police car, you get,
00:18:13we've got the point of fines here, 20 euro fine and no points at all.
00:18:19What?
00:18:20You are joking.
00:18:21Blue lights.
00:18:22No, you've got to understand.
00:18:24That's true.
00:18:25That's true.
00:18:26That's true.
00:18:27That is very strange to our ears, because if you tried that at home, at home in the UK, you would be charged with impersonating a police officer and you would never get out of prison ever.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39People say Germans have no sense of humour.
00:18:41If you want to know what no sense of humour is, impersonate a policeman in Britain, then you'll know what no sense of humour is.
00:18:47Right, that is the end of Conversationstrasse.
00:18:50Now, we all like the idea of a sports utility vehicle, a car that can handle the Australian outback at a weekend, and then set a new lap record at Hockenheim on a Monday morning.
00:19:05But even the German car makers can't seem to make the concept work. I mean, we've got this from Audi, the RS Q3, which is a dismal car.
00:19:14BMW have the X4, I think that's called. Don't want one of those either. Mercedes have this horrible monster.
00:19:20Certainly a car. They're all just rubbish.
00:19:23And let me guess, you have a solution.
00:19:25Yes I do.
00:19:26Oh God.
00:19:27A car that is both sporty and utilitarian.
00:19:32This'll be good.
00:19:33Ye of little faith, watch this.
00:19:36This is a Land Rover Discovery doing utilitarian things in Britain's muddy underbelly.
00:19:49And obviously, a machine like this cannot possibly be converted into a sports car.
00:19:59Or can it?
00:20:00First of all, we have to remove this rather ungainly body.
00:20:07Now, you can't do that with a modern car because the body is the chassis, it's the skeleton.
00:20:12If you take it away, you're left with nothing more than a collection of unjoined-up parts.
00:20:17However, you can remove the body on an old Discovery like this, using nothing more than one of these.
00:20:30After just 40 minutes with no help from anyone else, I ended up with this.
00:20:43Obviously, it's still utilitarian.
00:20:46It'll still wade through rivers and crawl its way up muddy banks.
00:20:51But now there's a sporty flavour as well.
00:20:58Without the heavy body, it feels nimble, agile, light.
00:21:06If it weren't for the fact that the windscreen is now very close to my face,
00:21:11it would feel like a Lamborghini Gallardo.
00:21:13The only real problem with this is that Britain is a police state.
00:21:22And if I took this on the public road, I'd be stopped immediately by the constabulary
00:21:28who would point out that I was contributing about 4,870 different laws.
00:21:38It's not warm either.
00:21:40Oh, no! That's stupid!
00:21:43Happily, both these problems would be solved when I fitted it with the body from a sports car.
00:21:52And this is the sports car I've gone for.
00:21:56A 1978 MGB.
00:21:59Highly trained men are now removing its skin, which will then be mated in a delicate two-hour operation.
00:22:13To the internal organs of the mud-plugging V8.
00:22:19The following morning, my incredible car was ready.
00:22:29It is incredible that in a shed I have created something which has eluded the combined might of the motor industry.
00:22:45It is a proper sports utility vehicle.
00:22:49I call it the MGD, and now I'm going to find out how well it works on the road.
00:22:55This is magnificent.
00:22:57And it is quick.
00:22:59Oh, yeah.
00:23:00To demonstrate just how quick I'm going to do a drag race against the motor industry's idea of an SUV.
00:23:07A little bit of play there.
00:23:08A little bit of play there.
00:23:09A little bit of play there.
00:23:11Let's do this.
00:23:14Let's do this.
00:23:15Oh, yeah.
00:23:18To demonstrate just how quick, I'm going to do a drag race
00:23:21against the motor industry's idea of an SUV.
00:23:32A little bit of play there.
00:23:38Let's do this.
00:23:40Come on, yes, look at this.
00:23:48The 1.5-litre diesel is no match for the 3.9-litre V8 MGD.
00:23:59Come on, Pride of Britain!
00:24:02Yes!
00:24:03Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:24:05Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:24:08Oh, God.
00:24:10The brakes don't work.
00:24:16With the performance box ticked, I continued my testing.
00:24:21In many ways, the MGD puts me in mind of an Audi R8 Spider.
00:24:28I mean, OK, in the Audi, the dials would work, and the switches,
00:24:33and the brakes, and the steering, and it's a bit less bouncy,
00:24:38but both of them are four-wheel-drive, two-seater, drop-head V8.
00:24:45There is, however, one very big difference between the two cars.
00:24:50You can't do this in an Audi.
00:24:59Oh, yes, yes.
00:25:02A moment ago, I was herring round a handling track,
00:25:06and now, look.
00:25:08Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:25:10He's brilliant!
00:25:15Oh, no, not now, you bastard!
00:25:18I mean, you wonderful thing.
00:25:22Choke?
00:25:24Yeah, that...
00:25:28It's on its shutdown thing.
00:25:30It's just to save fuel.
00:25:31It goes on two cylinders sometimes.
00:25:33Once the engine management thingy had run its, erm, diagnostic programme,
00:25:40oh, he was back on the move.
00:25:42Here we go.
00:25:47Yes!
00:25:49Mighty four-wheel drive system hauling me out there.
00:25:54What the hell?
00:25:58I'm stopping, I'm stopping.
00:26:04Oh, Lord. That is not right, is it?
00:26:16As I got going for the second time, I realised I'd been a bit of a chump.
00:26:21The mistake I've made, of course, is that I've introduced you to this car
00:26:25before I've really tested it. That's not what car makers do.
00:26:28They test a car and then show it to the press and the public.
00:26:34I'm doing that the other way round. I'm introducing this to you
00:26:37before I've done the testing and...
00:26:44Oh, for Christ's sake.
00:26:47Oh, you little beauty.
00:26:57Erm, now, yes, what was I saying?
00:27:01I think the issue is, really, you're watching my workings out here.
00:27:07What you really want to see is the finished product.
00:27:09That's what I should have done.
00:27:11Oh, for Christ's sake.
00:27:16Right.
00:27:20At this point, I decided, for no particular reason,
00:27:22to scrap the MG idea and go for something else instead.
00:27:30This is what I chose.
00:27:33A 1980s Mercedes SL.
00:27:36Partly because it's the very essence of quiet, urban restraint,
00:27:40taste and elegance.
00:27:42It's a car that was driven by Bobby Ewing in Dallas.
00:27:46Mostly, though, I chose it because it would fit more snugly
00:27:50on the Discovery chassis.
00:27:55This time, the men worked tirelessly for nearly a whole day
00:27:59to marry the two cars, and the result was spectacular.
00:28:03It's a car I have justifiably called the Excellent.
00:28:13The internal organs from a Land Rover Discovery
00:28:17mated to the beautiful skin of a glamorous Mercedes SL.
00:28:22To create a vision of pure...
00:28:25What's the word?
00:28:27Rubbish.
00:28:28It's not rubbish.
00:28:29Did you paint it with a brush or a bucket?
00:28:32It's got those headlights that swivel when you go round a bend look,
00:28:35so that they point at the road.
00:28:37Okay.
00:28:38Let me ask you this.
00:28:39Which would you rather have?
00:28:40The Excellent or that Porsche?
00:28:43That Porsche.
00:28:44Why?
00:28:45Because it's better in every single way.
00:28:48To prove my cynical colleagues wrong,
00:28:50I invited them to go for a drive.
00:28:55Oh, kind.
00:28:56See?
00:28:57It's an optional extra for the shorter gentleman.
00:28:59You're comfy, Hammond.
00:29:00No.
00:29:02No, is this as in as I can get?
00:29:04Yep.
00:29:06Right, listen to this.
00:29:10Oh, no, it moves!
00:29:11We'd only gone a few miles before Richard and James completely changed their minds
00:29:21and realised that the Excellent was the best car they'd ever been in.
00:29:26No, we haven't. Stop saying things in voiceover that aren't true.
00:29:29Is it not I thought you'd changed your mind?
00:29:31No, maybe a bit. It's worse than I thought.
00:29:34Can I put the heater on?
00:29:35That's not connected.
00:29:36Is it not?
00:29:37No.
00:29:38There's an oil down there but left to the steering.
00:29:39Speedometer.
00:29:40Why have you got that one, not that one?
00:29:41That doesn't work.
00:29:43Has it got a fuel gauge?
00:29:45Not as such.
00:29:46Has it got a temperature gauge?
00:29:47Not really.
00:29:48There's a lot of wires hanging out of the dash that aren't connected to things.
00:29:51You haven't given it an interior.
00:29:53Yeah.
00:29:57I can see the road.
00:29:59I can as well.
00:30:00No, there's a hole in the floor.
00:30:02While Hammond and May had one or two minor issues, they both agreed that if I were to put my car into production, it would make me a fortune.
00:30:12No, we didn't agree to that either.
00:30:14Look, I've done the maths, honestly. The Discovery was £2,500, Mercedes £4,500, £7,000 of the work, that's £14,000.
00:30:22Mm-hm.
00:30:23I could sell this for £120,000.
00:30:25No, you couldn't.
00:30:26Yes, I couldn't.
00:30:27A Cayenne Turbo's £120,000.
00:30:29A Cayenne Turbo is a proper car built by Porsche.
00:30:33This is two scrap cars glued together by a Muppet.
00:30:37It isn't designed for people like you.
00:30:39What?
00:30:40People with eyes?
00:30:41People who can dress themselves in the morning?
00:30:43I'll tell you exactly who will buy this car.
00:30:46People who use roundy-ended scissors.
00:30:48Footballers.
00:30:49Footballers.
00:30:50Only ones?
00:30:51Footballers like Ferraris.
00:30:53Yeah, and Bentleys and Range Rovers and Aston Martins and all that.
00:30:56Not this thing.
00:31:03To prove them wrong again, I decided to head for the nearby Chelsea training ground.
00:31:10These are people who understand cars, not like you two.
00:31:13Yeah, they understand cars, that's why they buy Range Rover Sports and Aston Martins.
00:31:17They buy those things because they didn't know that you could do this.
00:31:21I like my car.
00:31:22It's shit.
00:31:29They're flocking to it, aren't they?
00:31:31You just watch.
00:31:32Do you mind if I go and stand next to something else?
00:31:36Soon, some players arrived, which gave Richard and James a chance to show off their footballing knowledge.
00:31:42You're really tall.
00:31:43You should play in golf.
00:31:44Yeah, how do I play in golf?
00:31:45I know that, yeah.
00:31:46So what part of Chelsea are you from?
00:31:47I'm from Brazil.
00:31:48Oh.
00:31:49How do you know they're footballers?
00:31:50Well, do you not recognise them?
00:31:51Well, they're in football outfits, yeah.
00:31:52He doesn't even recognise you.
00:31:53Where's Alex Ferguson?
00:31:54Why don't we ask him?
00:31:55At this point, I dismissed my ignorant colleagues so that I could operate the subtitle machine.
00:32:11Well, first of all, in London, it's cold, so it's not good.
00:32:18No, it's not very comfortable.
00:32:21I can't see.
00:32:22I can't see.
00:32:23Can you keep it up?
00:32:24Yeah.
00:32:27Take a shot to me.
00:32:30Well, that's ridiculous, because what can I do with that?
00:32:32What are you supposed to jump?
00:32:33I think this is flipping horrific.
00:32:37See, you've butchered a classic car.
00:32:40Right, watch this.
00:32:42Little toss.
00:32:45No.
00:32:46I don't have any comfort.
00:32:48The mine is better.
00:32:50The mine is better.
00:32:51Just...
00:32:53Hey, careful not to break things.
00:32:55There's a cat here, right?
00:32:59No, it's good.
00:33:00The engine is good.
00:33:04Saved!
00:33:05Yes, yes.
00:33:06I do it like that.
00:33:07I start it.
00:33:08I take a seat and I remove it.
00:33:12Having established that all top professional footballers loved my car, we got back on the
00:33:17road.
00:33:21So, did you get any orders?
00:33:22You know, I noticed that the car park was still full of Mercedes G clubs when we left.
00:33:26I saw that.
00:33:27Listen, I could put this into an auction, one of those posh that market want, and it would
00:33:33sell for £120,000.
00:33:35It would not!
00:33:37To prove them wrong again...
00:33:39Yes.
00:33:53Gentlemen.
00:33:54Yes.
00:33:55People are examining the...
00:33:57Yes, they're the organisers.
00:33:58They're the organisers.
00:33:59They're wondering...
00:34:00...about their carpet.
00:34:03Handcrafted by a renowned British atelier.
00:34:05Sympathetically marries the chassis and the esteem.
00:34:08Yes.
00:34:10Did you write?
00:34:11You hammered that bit onto that bit.
00:34:13The interior would benefit from some minor attention.
00:34:16Oh, yes.
00:34:17With a hand grenade.
00:34:18Lot number 132.
00:34:19Soon, the auction was underway.
00:34:22Ferrari 308 GTB at £118,000.
00:34:27Lot number 127.
00:34:29Start me with this at £300,000.
00:34:31And many of the punters were happy to pay six-figure sums for the cars on offer.
00:34:37At £270,000, £285,000 for the Countach.
00:34:43The Countach just went for £285,000.
00:34:46I think I want to sell the excellent for more than that.
00:34:49And then, it was time.
00:34:51Moving on to lot number 138A.
00:34:55The excellent, fantastic, handcrafted, very unusual machine, as you can see.
00:35:01I don't want you with me.
00:35:02A beautiful, stylish Mercedes-Benz coachwork.
00:35:05Again, very unusual, unique...
00:35:07Unusual?
00:35:08Unusual?
00:35:09I'll see you.
00:35:11Start me, if you will, on this at £425,000.
00:35:15At £425,000.
00:35:17At £425,000.
00:35:18Any advance at £400?
00:35:20£500,000.
00:35:21£550,000 anywhere.
00:35:22£550,000 here.
00:35:23£550,000 here.
00:35:24£650,000.
00:35:25£650,000.
00:35:26£650,000.
00:35:27£700,000 now.
00:35:28£650,000.
00:35:29£700,000 anywhere.
00:35:30£700,000 here.
00:35:31£700,000.
00:35:32£800,000 now.
00:35:33Let's go for £1,000.
00:35:35Let's get going!
00:35:36Come on, let's sell this car.
00:35:42£1,000 here on my right.
00:35:47£1,000?
00:35:48£1,500, £1,500 here.
00:35:49£2,000, if you wish.
00:35:50It's £2,000 and £525.
00:35:52£3,000 now.
00:35:53It's £3,000.
00:35:54£3,000 here.
00:35:55£3,500 anywhere.
00:35:563-1. At £3,100, £3,200. At £3,500.
00:36:04It cost me £14,000.
00:36:06£4,000. At £4,000. At £4,000. Any more?
00:36:15At £4,000.
00:36:19You just lost £10,000. You could have just thrown it down the boundary.
00:36:23Start me on this ad, if you will. £30,000 anywhere? £30,000? £20,000 then. Let's get going.
00:36:38Hold on.
00:36:40You were bidding on your own car.
00:36:43Well, I bid. I just wanted to get, you know, the ball rolling.
00:36:46But even then it didn't work because you only sold it for £4,000.
00:36:49It cost you £14,000 to make, so you cost our production company £10,000.
00:36:54No, no, not true. I put a reserve on it.
00:36:58What reserve? £100,000.
00:37:01£100,000?
00:37:02So it didn't sell at all, which means you cost us £14,000?
00:37:06Well, yes, but we've ended up with the excellent.
00:37:09The excellent? No, we're stuck with the excellent.
00:37:14It's really difficult to know working with you. Things like this.
00:37:17Is it ambition or are you a lunatic?
00:37:21Sadly, there isn't time to answer that question because it's time to play...
00:37:25Celebrity Brain Crash!
00:37:35So, now, our guest this week is a local girl who is responsible for one of my all-time favourite pop songs.
00:37:4399 Red Balloons.
00:37:44She is a singer. She's an armpit hair enthusiast.
00:37:49And she's an all-round good sport.
00:37:51Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...
00:37:53Nayla!
00:37:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38:14Where is she?
00:38:15I've no idea.
00:38:16Erm...
00:38:18Oh!
00:38:19Oh, wait, it's...
00:38:20Oh, no.
00:38:21It's hard to see through the smog, but...
00:38:23Yes, that is...
00:38:25Oh, no.
00:38:26Oh, no.
00:38:27What's happened here is...
00:38:28Nayla...
00:38:29Yes, she's been carried away by 99...
00:38:34Red Balloons.
00:38:35Oh, no.
00:38:37Bad.
00:38:43Does that mean she's not coming on, then?
00:38:46Well, James, she's floated up into the stratosphere.
00:38:48Her eyelids have frozen over and her lungs are inside out.
00:38:52So, that is a no.
00:38:54It's okay, though.
00:38:55We anticipated that Nayla may float away.
00:38:57We have a back-up plan.
00:38:58We'll activate it.
00:38:59Activate it.
00:39:00You sit down, right?
00:39:01Moving on.
00:39:02The thing is that more and more stuff these days is being powered by rechargeable batteries.
00:39:07You know, phones, laptops, that sort of thing.
00:39:09And this is giving the world a bit of a problem.
00:39:12Because, in Britain, our power companies only produce 5% more power than we need.
00:39:20We're only just coping.
00:39:22Well, it's actually worse in the United States, because they produce 16% less than they actually need.
00:39:28Which means they actually have to import electricity.
00:39:30So, what is going to happen as more and more people are buying and using electric cars?
00:39:35We're going to need more power.
00:39:36We may not be able to cope.
00:39:38Now, you see, the solution, you may think, is to build more power stations.
00:39:41But if you even suggest that, weird-beard environmentalists run around waving their arms in the air going,
00:39:46Oh, what about the polar bear and the bats and the newt?
00:39:49Anyway, the point is, we are going to need more and more power to charge the batteries in our phones, laptops and cars.
00:39:55Where are we going to get it from?
00:39:56Yeah.
00:39:57Well, this got us thinking.
00:39:58How much electricity could we possibly generate every day just during our normal lives?
00:40:03And what if we could harness it in some way?
00:40:09This is an office block in the centre of London.
00:40:13Like many office blocks, it has a revolving door, which spins constantly as people come and go.
00:40:20So, why not simply connect that door to a generator and turn all that spinning into electricity?
00:40:30And it's not just revolving doors, either.
00:40:35Many of us have dogs, and every day we take those dogs for a walk.
00:40:41The dog scampers hither and thither, running ahead and snouting under hedgerows.
00:40:46So, why not attach it to a trailer like this?
00:40:50Dog pulls the trailer along.
00:40:52Inside this wheel is a dynamo that makes electricity, goes along these wires and into this capacitor.
00:40:58And when that dial is reading 100%, I'm charging my phone.
00:41:02So, dog's harnessed, but was easy, and attached to the trailer.
00:41:06All I've got to do is set her going.
00:41:08And I've even planned for that.
00:41:10So, here we go.
00:41:12Fetch!
00:41:16Haha!
00:41:17Yeah, your favourite.
00:41:22Chase!
00:41:26I think this dog's broken.
00:41:28Meanwhile, back in London, James was charging his phone from a contraption he'd fitted to the revolving door.
00:41:40And even Jeremy had decided to get in on the action.
00:41:52This school sports day, in my mind, is a power station.
00:41:56All we have to do is fit the children with harnesses, and I could have this charged up in no time at all.
00:42:05Here we go.
00:42:06And straight away we can see that charge is being produced, not much, but some.
00:42:13Come on, all of you.
00:42:14Come on.
00:42:15Put your back into it.
00:42:16Come on, catch him.
00:42:17Catch him.
00:42:18Chop, chop.
00:42:19This is the work of a genius.
00:42:22Back in the countryside, I'd mended my dog, and things were going well here too.
00:42:28As you can see, the dog is now running, the wheels are turning, electricity is being generated.
00:42:35He's basically a four-legged cellar field.
00:42:39Sadly, however, in London, it was the middle of the day, and no one had been using James' door.
00:42:48As a result, his phone was dying, so he'd had to get radical.
00:42:5215%?
00:43:08Nice.
00:43:09Apart from a couple of hiccups...
00:43:14Go!
00:43:15You'd have to put a little bit more effort into it than that.
00:43:23Everything was going well.
00:43:25The power was flooding in.
00:43:27Oh, yes.
00:43:2825%.
00:43:30And we were forced to conclude that it had been a successful day for all of us.
00:43:36Well, when I say all of us.
00:43:39Yeah, no, look, listen.
00:43:41I can see why you're here.
00:43:44Obviously, fitting children with harnesses, and then videoing them, and they're not my children.
00:44:02I got...
00:44:03I got 45% charge in my phone.
00:44:05I got 41% charge.
00:44:07I got a different sort of charge.
00:44:11Anyway, since we had proved...
00:44:13Well, since Hammond and I had proved that it was possible to charge up a telephone,
00:44:16I began to wonder if we could charge up a car using nothing more than vanity.
00:44:26In London alone, there are over 750 gyms, and every day they are full of people picking things up and putting them down again so they can be more attractive.
00:44:36So why not use all this colossal effort?
00:44:41Let's harness it.
00:44:43And that's exactly what we have done.
00:44:47Ten of the machines in this gym have been connected to a device which produces a smooth flow of electricity that's sent outside to this gee whiz in the car park.
00:44:57Right now, the battery is flat, so what I'm going to do is plug it in, and then after eight hours we'll see how far I can drive on electricity that's been generated in there.
00:45:10Come on, you're slacking.
00:45:25Right, unplug from the gin.
00:45:43Let's see how far we go.
00:45:55Now, look at this. This is epic because I'm driving along in a car, sort of.
00:46:01No fossil fuel has been burned, no atoms have been split, nothing's been fracked up.
00:46:14Now, look, there's a man pushing that pushchair.
00:46:17Stick a little dynamo on that.
00:46:19Could get some fresh air, I get some more battery charge.
00:46:22It's difficult to see who loses from this arrangement because I get a trip home effectively for nothing.
00:46:33The people going to the gym feel good, look good, they become healthier.
00:46:37The NHS saves money because people are less likely to have strokes and what have you.
00:46:42I mean, if one person in a hundred gets a free gym...
00:46:48Hang on.
00:46:49Hang on.
00:46:55I was enjoying driving on pedal and cross trainer power.
00:47:03And with that, I think it's back to the tent.
00:47:12James.
00:47:13Yes.
00:47:14James May.
00:47:15How far did you get after eight hours of charging?
00:47:20Actually, it was better than I expected, you know.
00:47:22I did 21 miles.
00:47:24Yeah, well, hang on, though.
00:47:25To get from our office in London to my home in nearly Wales, that's 130 miles, 21 miles at a time.
00:47:32I'd need six stops at gyms, eight hours at a time, and the actual driving.
00:47:35It would take me three days to get home.
00:47:39Or, Hammond, just an idea, you could maybe get a petrol-powered car, put some petrol in it, and be home in two hours.
00:47:48That's a better idea. I'm going to do that.
00:47:50Yeah, so there we are. That's the future, and it's made of petrol.
00:47:53So we've addressed that nicely.
00:47:55Yep.
00:47:59Moving, moving on.
00:48:03Now, there are people all over the world who believe we are permanently on the verge of nuclear war, alien invasion, or zombie attack.
00:48:13This isn't a niche thing. There's 120,000 of these people, at least.
00:48:18They call themselves preppers.
00:48:20Moral.
00:48:21Shut up.
00:48:23Idiots.
00:48:24And these preppers, in order to prepare for an extinction-level event, they stock their homes with essential supplies,
00:48:29they go into the woods and practice tactics, and they create what they call bug-out cars.
00:48:34And they're brilliant. Here is one. Look.
00:48:36Look at that!
00:48:38Yeah, I know!
00:48:39Hammond, that is not brilliant.
00:48:40No, are you saying we can prepare for a nuclear attack by putting some spikes on the wheels of a Hyundai?
00:48:48Well, it's...
00:48:49Yeah, but what if the nuclear attack comes from the back of the Hyundai?
00:48:53All you're going to do with that car is snag your jumper on it.
00:48:56Oh, don't be so negative.
00:48:58In this show, you have wasted 14,000 of our pounds on your stupid Mercedes car.
00:49:03You have wasted all of our time with your sweat-powered electric car.
00:49:06This is my thing. Let me do it.
00:49:08You do realise there's no such thing as a zombie, don't you?
00:49:12Don't spoil it for him.
00:49:14I like the idea of being a prep-up, so I thought I'd have a go at making my own bug-out car.
00:49:20This is what I came up with.
00:49:30It started life as a VW camper van, the high-top version.
00:49:35But I've stripped it of its hippie heritage to turn it into a vehicle that can bare its teeth in a dangerous post-apocalyptic world.
00:49:46And I love it!
00:49:51And I love it!
00:49:54I'm so unbelievably pleased with this thing.
00:49:57I feel invincible, ready, prepared.
00:50:01Which is hardly surprising, given the modifications are made.
00:50:08At the front, a battering ram, because you can be pretty sure the roads won't be clear.
00:50:13The ram itself is fitted with spikes for fending off zombies at close quarters.
00:50:18Then, up top, a bank of powerful rally lights to cut through the murky soup of a nuclear winter.
00:50:23Of course, not everyone I meet will be friendly.
00:50:27So, up here.
00:50:35Weapons rack.
00:50:37Everything I need to defend myself against cannibals and zombies.
00:50:41Round here, water.
00:50:43Essential.
00:50:45Subtle stuff, too.
00:50:46I don't want to stand out, hence the camouflage paint.
00:50:48But, perhaps most importantly of all, the whole of my bug-out camper van has been armour-plated.
00:50:54I really have thought of everything.
00:50:57No, you haven't.
00:50:59All you've done is ruined a perfectly good camper van.
00:51:01And a jumper.
00:51:02No, I haven't. It's brilliant. It's bulletproof all over.
00:51:05Bulletproof?
00:51:06Yes.
00:51:07Is it?
00:51:08Yes, it is.
00:51:09Is it?
00:51:10Yes, it is.
00:51:11Oh, yeah. Sounds like it.
00:51:12Yeah, tanks feel like that.
00:51:13Okay, then.
00:51:14Yep.
00:51:15These are guns. Use them.
00:51:16What, on you?
00:51:17Are we ready, gentlemen?
00:51:18Yes.
00:51:20Ha! Didn't go through.
00:51:23Chip the paint. That's all you've done.
00:51:24Yes.
00:51:25Hammond.
00:51:26Yep.
00:51:27What you're suggesting is these aliens, they're going to travel trillions of miles
00:51:31using a propulsion system that we can't even conceive.
00:51:34And then they're going to try and take over the world using 177 air rifles.
00:51:39Well, if they do, I shall be ready for them.
00:51:44Especially given what I've done in here.
00:51:47Inside, I've turned this once humble camper van into literally the highest tech command centre imaginable.
00:51:54Up front, carbon dioxide scrubbers just like the ones on Apollo 13.
00:51:58They will purify the air, even in case of radiation.
00:52:02And you can measure that radiation on these systems up here.
00:52:06Water. May not be able to find it. Need to make it. It's essential.
00:52:10I've fitted a system that recycles urine.
00:52:14Basically, you do your number ones up there.
00:52:17Operate the pumps.
00:52:19They send the results up, across, and into the water purification system here.
00:52:24And it emerges from that as purest drinking water.
00:52:33Food. I'm going to need it.
00:52:35I've got a chicken. It lays eggs. They go in there.
00:52:38And perhaps best of all, the pate de foie gras of the Bug Out community.
00:52:43Chicken soup.
00:52:44I love all this. Setting out into the wilderness, in my little house on wheels.
00:52:50Knowing I've got everything I need, whatever happens.
00:52:54What the...
00:52:56Am I penetrating his bulletproof arbor?
00:53:02Yes. And his food.
00:53:05Ah, that's my own ur...
00:53:08Are you two doing this?
00:53:12Yes, he is. I'd get out of the way if I were you.
00:53:16The problem with the chicken is it moves around, making this a...
00:53:20Oh, good idea.
00:53:22Knit.
00:53:23Right, reloading, James. Reloading.
00:53:30Oh, yes!
00:53:44Good shot.
00:53:46Not bad, was it?
00:53:48Sort of game over, though, now, really.
00:53:50Hmm.
00:53:52Right.
00:53:56It wasn't game over, though, because I went back to the drawing board and started again.
00:54:04Three months' work.
00:54:07I've used the same basic interior setup, but I've completely rethought the armour plating, so that whatever those two have...
00:54:14The...
00:54:22Now, this is a scimitar light reconnaissance tank. It's small, it's quite fast, it's quite manoeuvrable.
00:54:30It's job is to sort of skip around the battlefield like a goat and find stuff.
00:54:34Now, look at Hammond's running around in a mad panic. He thinks I'm gonna shoot him with my tank, but I'm not. I'm just here to mark him with a laser.
00:54:47He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:49He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:50He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:51He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:52He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:53He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:54He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:55He's gonna shoot him.
00:54:57Yes, this is a Challenger 2 main battle tank.
00:55:02And this really is a bug-out vehicle.
00:55:05Certainly, it's a lot better than, I don't know, a Hyundai with spikes on the wheels.
00:55:09It'll totally protect its occupants from radiation, nuclear fallout, gas, even a direct hit, thanks to its incredible armour, from any known battlefield weapon.
00:55:24Then there's its gun, which is, well, there's no other word, enormous.
00:55:28120 millimetres.
00:55:31And it could hit a target, let's say, Richard Hammond's van, while the tank itself is doing 30 miles an hour over rough ground.
00:55:41I think, though, today, I saw firewall stationary, because I wanna savour the moment.
00:55:47Okay, thank you, chaps, if we could stop there.
00:55:50Right, going down.
00:55:51Roger, going down.
00:55:53Oh, dear.
00:55:58I've loaded the gun with a high-explosive shell.
00:56:03It's a tracer shell, so we'll be able to monitor its progress as it arcs toward the target.
00:56:09Oh, Commander Clarkson, this is fantastic. I can see him right there, and he's Pennington. Have you got it?
00:56:14Yeah.
00:56:18You bastards!
00:56:19I'll just put him out of his misery, will you?
00:56:21Fire!
00:56:37I'm not sure his bug-out vehicle was quite as strong as he may have led you to believe.
00:56:48Right.
00:56:49Many months later, I was ready to unveil my third attempt.
00:57:06An impregnable fortress.
00:57:08Oh, yeah.
00:57:09This is bug-out heaven.
00:57:11I've used, as my inspiration, the armored personnel carrier from Aliens, on the basis that, if it can protect Sigourney Weaver from that metal bitey thing with teeth, it can keep me safe from Jeremy Clarkson and James May.
00:57:25Underneath this piece are the basic elements of an Alvis Stolwart, so it was already armor-plated, amphibious, massively powerful, six-wheel drive and four-wheel steering.
00:57:44And what I've gone and done is improve it.
00:57:53It's got a honeycombed latticework of ceramic steel armor plating that's three times thicker than the armor you'll find on the turret of an Abrams A1 M1 tank.
00:58:01In testing, I fired a 7.62 round at that hull and all it left was a mark like that one. This thing is incredible.
00:58:22Whatever those two are planning this time, it won't work. They won't be able to damage my soup now.
00:58:41Now.
00:58:42Roger.
00:58:43Roger.
00:58:44Roger.
00:58:45Roger.
00:58:46Roger.
00:58:47Drone feed stabilized. Vehicle spotted in the open.
00:58:50Four-five, stand by to engage target.
00:58:53Four-five stood to engage target.
00:58:55Four-five, stand by to engage target.
00:59:04This shell is twice as powerful as the shell we fired from the tank.
00:59:11And it can hit the target 13 miles wide.
00:59:20Loading weapon.
00:59:24Hot room gun loaded.
00:59:30Gun ready.
00:59:31Fire mission.
00:59:32Target number.
00:59:33Uniform Tango 1-8-0-5.
00:59:37Altitude 3-5.
00:59:39Direction 4-6-0-0.
00:59:42Gun.
00:59:43Target line 1-3-0.
00:59:45Ready 6-8.
00:59:47Command approved.
00:59:48Four-five.
00:59:49Engage.
00:59:50Command approved.
00:59:51Four-five.
00:59:52Fire.
00:59:53They're bored.
00:59:54They've realized I'm unhurtable.
01:00:03Given up.
01:00:04Five seconds to impact.
01:00:05They probably think it's really funny.
01:00:06They probably think I'm out here all unconscious.
01:00:18Four-five.
01:00:19Four-five.
01:00:20Target destroyed.
01:00:23Four-five.
01:00:24Four-five.
01:00:25Target destroyed.
01:00:26Four-five.
01:00:27Target destroyed.
01:00:28Two-five.
01:00:29Four-five.
01:00:31Four-five.
01:00:32Four-five.
01:00:33Comprehensive job, I think.
01:00:34Yes.
01:00:35Comprehensive job.
01:00:37We went through the the wreckage afterwards and this is all that remains of Richard Hammond he's just some dust and we know it is Hammond because we found this suspiciously white tooth
01:00:53So there you are preppers the tragic remains of Richard Hammond are proof positive that your hobby is utterly pointless
01:01:10Spilled it spilt him on the floor
01:01:13Now you've got him all over his shoes. No, even when he's dust is annoying anyway
01:01:19On that terrible disappointment. It is time to end
01:01:22He's pretty much gone now. Thank you very much for watching. See you next time. Goodbye
01:01:52You
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