- 2 months ago
Mild-mannered Ensign Stovall, under the influence of medication, becomes a fevered supertiger ...
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Most realize that a submarine is a round-the-clock operation.
00:40Some of us sleep while some of us work.
00:42A grueling pace on any boat.
00:44But with the Sea Tiger, as undermanned as we were,
00:47our round-the-clock operation often led to unexpected complications.
01:00This morning, however, as Chief Malumfrey relieved an exhausted Ensign Stovall,
01:05little did I realize how complicated the unexpected could become.
01:09Morning, sir.
01:10Good night, Chief.
01:11Sleep tight, sir.
01:17Captain, it's time to get up, sir.
01:19I'm all ready, up, Stovall. Come on in.
01:23Good morning, sir.
01:24Good morning. Just working on my new formula. Smell this.
01:27What do you think?
01:29I never smelled anything quite like it, sir.
01:31That's a very clever answer, Stovall.
01:33I never smelled anything quite like it. Could be good,
01:35or I never smelled anything quite like it. Could be bad.
01:38Now, what do you really think? Is it good or is it bad?
01:40I think it's your best yet, Captain.
01:42C-L-E-V-E-R again, Stovall.
01:45I want your honest opinion, and that's an order.
01:47I hate it, sir.
01:49That's not clever, Stovall.
01:51To tell you the truth, I think it's terrible myself.
01:54Too much mango juice.
01:55Feeling all right, Stovall?
02:00Just another attack, sir.
02:01But I'll lick it.
02:03I'll go right to bed.
02:04Nobody will be the wiser.
02:04Good morning.
02:16Mr. Stovall, when are you going to learn to make your bed properly?
02:21What's wrong with it?
02:21Next time you leave your bunk in this condition, I'm putting you on report.
02:27Look at it.
02:28You got a lump here, here, here, and here.
02:33You got a clump of lumps.
02:34That's it?
02:35Isn't that enough, Mr. Stovall?
02:37Why do you always call me Mr. Stovall or Ensign, and never Steve?
02:40I wouldn't call my own mother Steve.
02:42That doesn't make sense.
02:43Well, of course it does.
02:44That's my mother's name.
02:46My grandfather wanted a boy.
02:48So did your mother.
02:49What? Nothing.
03:07There's nothing like a good cup of coffee.
03:10And this is nothing like a good cup of coffee.
03:13I'm not awake till I have my first cup of coffee.
03:16You haven't had it.
03:17I don't want to be awake.
03:19You don't drink much coffee, do you?
03:21I don't have a chance to.
03:22I have to drink what Gallardo makes.
03:24Just for that, and none of you get lunch.
03:27Remember, that's a promise.
03:29Let's get Barbara out of the sack.
03:31Well, here's mud in your eye.
03:35That's the first time I've ever meant that.
03:40Sayonara.
03:40Morning, Steve.
03:41It was until I ran into Mrs. Watson.
03:43She's upset with my housekeeping.
03:45The bed again, huh?
03:46It's time.
03:47It's a lump of clumps.
03:48Yeah, you better put in some sack time.
03:50You look wiped out.
03:52I just came in for some tea before I turn in.
03:54Morning, Captain.
03:54Good morning.
03:55Hey, why aren't you in bed?
03:56I came in for some tea.
03:58Oh.
03:59You look like you're getting a fever.
04:00Captain, you want tea this morning?
04:02No, no.
04:02Coffee.
04:03But you banged twice.
04:04Twice is for tea.
04:05Oh, I was ordering for Ensign Stovall.
04:07Oh, I've already ordered two.
04:08Oh, well then, cancel.
04:10And let me have it.
04:11Sorry, sir.
04:12You'll have to wait.
04:12I'm making tea for the Ensign.
04:14Oh, well then I'll make my own breakfast.
04:16I'm great with eggs.
04:17Yeah.
04:18He's great with eggs.
04:20I make a great mushroom omelet.
04:22Oh, sorry, Captain.
04:23We're out of mushrooms.
04:24What?
04:24What do you have this close?
04:26Uh.
04:28Um.
04:29Strawberry preserves.
04:30Oh, good.
04:31I'll make a mushroom omelet with strawberry preserves.
04:33Uh, I was wrong.
04:43We don't have any strawberry preserves.
04:46Well, how can you make a mushroom omelet without strawberry preserves?
04:48Why don't you make it without bacon?
04:50We have bacon.
04:51Who would make a mushroom omelet with bacon?
04:53I'll just have a regular old-fashioned omelet.
05:01Captain, you won't believe this, but we're allowed to eggs.
05:03I'll just have cornflakes.
05:08Captain.
05:09I've got something very important to talk to you about, sir.
05:11I've been going over the record.
05:11Relax, Mr. Watson.
05:13Sit down.
05:13Have some breakfast.
05:14Oh, no, thank you, sir.
05:15I've been up for hours.
05:16Already had my breakfast.
05:18Eggs, I presume.
05:19Yes.
05:20A strawberry preserve omelet?
05:21Yes, sir.
05:23About the record, sir.
05:24Believe it or not, we are in grave danger of violating Article 470, Section C.
05:30We don't want to do that, do we?
05:34Had it not been for me, sir, we would have come precipitously close to our being derelict
05:38in fulfilling Navy rules and regulations.
05:40Captain, this is getting awfully official.
05:42Perhaps he should stay in.
05:43The article clearly states that all submarine personnel must have physicals on a regular basis.
05:50We've not had one in five months.
05:54I'll take care of that, Mr. Watson.
05:56I already did, sir.
05:57What?
05:57I've arranged for the officers and the crew to have physicals as soon as we reach Kusin.
06:02You did what?
06:03Now it's three, milk, cocoa, or chicken soup.
06:06No, no, no, Galardo.
06:07Three is when I'm making a point.
06:10Mr. Watson, you cancel that physical immediately.
06:13Sir, I can't.
06:14It's already been confirmed by Captain Hoover.
06:17Captain to the bridge.
06:18Captain to the bridge.
06:19All right, we're not putting in the Kusin.
06:21We have to, sir.
06:22We're almost out of fuel.
06:23Why does Captain want to cancel our physicals?
06:29We're all in good shape.
06:30Everyone will pass.
06:32Maybe.
06:35With all the lousy timing.
06:37I hate physicals.
06:38Now I've got to remember how old I told him I was the last time.
06:41It's not like the doctors can do anything for me.
06:44And it's not that it's serious.
06:46But they'll spot my fever right away.
06:48They'll give me the series of tests.
06:50They'll come up with the same diagnosis.
06:52They'll give me the same medicine.
06:54And by the time I'm released from the hospital, I'll be assigned to another boat.
06:57It's the same old story.
06:59Maybe it's time to write a new ending.
07:03How long does this fever last?
07:05About 36 hours, sir.
07:07Skipper, maybe we could just hold off on the physical until Stovall is over his fever.
07:11Just remain at sea another 36 hours.
07:14How much fuel do we have, Chief?
07:15Somewhere between not enough and out of it.
07:18I want to stay on this boat more than anything.
07:23But you can't keep postponing my physicals forever.
07:27Get some rest, Mrs. Stovall.
07:29We'll handle it.
07:31You're too good a man to lose.
07:33Thank you, sir.
07:37Captain.
07:38Yeah.
07:38I'm having trouble with my number three engine now.
07:40I need you.
07:40Chief, we have a more immediate problem.
07:42His name is Watson.
07:43Ah, yes.
07:46Yes.
07:46We can't risk old buy-the-book putting Stovall on sick report.
07:51He cares more about his rules and his regulations than he does about his crewmates.
07:54He'll have Stovall taken off the boat.
07:56You're right.
07:56He can't see him in this condition.
07:57We have to find a way to get Stovall out of Watson's quarters.
08:01Any idea how you're going to do it?
08:03Deftly.
08:04And immediately.
08:06Now, Chief, about your problem.
08:07Oh.
08:08What you just heard in here doesn't go out there.
08:10Heard what, sir?
08:11Stovall, what have you got there?
08:16Well, it's, um...
08:17Let's see it.
08:18Right now, mister.
08:20There it is.
08:21Next time I'm going to borrow my mouthwash ass.
08:24Mouthwash?
08:25Yeah, this is a terrific gargle.
08:27And he wasn't gargling, he was guzzling.
08:29Oh, good, good.
08:30That'll please the captain.
08:31Why?
08:32This is the captain's latest concoction.
08:35I thought you only did shaving cream.
08:36No, no, no.
08:37He's diversifying.
08:38This is a combination mouthwash-milkshake, you see.
08:41The captain calls it a mouthwash.
08:42A mouthwash?
08:43That's crazy.
08:44Of course it is.
08:45But you try and tell that to the captain.
08:46Well, where do you want your stuff?
08:47Ah, Galardo.
08:48Uh, right here on Mr. Stovall's bunk.
08:50It'll be fine.
08:50I'll take these.
08:53All right.
08:54Okay, that's 11.
08:55That's 11.
08:56Okay, now you're going to stay in my quarters for now.
08:58We'll pick up your deer later, okay?
08:59Better get some shut-eye.
09:01Excuse us.
09:01Excuse me.
09:02That was a dumb stunt.
09:04No, you can't.
09:05No.
09:05What did you do that for?
09:06Huh?
09:10Look, you can't get rid of the fever by gulping this stuff down.
09:13Hey, hey, hey.
09:14Do you ever notice how she wiggles when she walks?
09:17You are definitely not in your right mind.
09:19Now you get in there and lie down.
09:20Go on.
09:21Lie down.
09:23Stay there.
09:23Okay, Holden.
09:28What are you trying to pull?
09:31How come the switch?
09:34Why are you here?
09:37That is the same question I asked the captain.
09:39It seems the skipper has a fond affection for you, Watson.
09:42Why?
09:44Well, he knows Stovall bugs you, and from the looks of this bunk, I can understand why.
09:48Look at that lump of clumps.
09:50A clump of lumps.
09:52You know, I don't know how you could have put up with Stovall for as long as you did.
09:56I know I couldn't.
09:57I would have gone out of my mind.
09:59You must teach me tolerance.
10:03You know, Holden, I think you and I are going to get along very well.
10:08I'm sure we will.
10:14It's probably elixir turpin hydrate used to fight fever.
10:18It seems to have a high alcoholic content.
10:21If a person took too much, they could become swacked.
10:24Could it also turn somebody on?
10:25Well, a person who has a high fever can become delirious, and this could release their inhibitions.
10:31Oh, well, thank you.
10:33Well, the next time one of us gets a high fever, promise me we'll get together?
10:36As we pulled into Koo Sing the following morning, my mind was still preoccupied with Mr. Stovall's dilemma.
10:47I had no intention of losing a good officer because of a minor medical problem and a major medical snafu.
10:53However, little did I realize that my ensign's condition was soon to take a turn for the nurse.
10:58Claire, baby.
11:01Hi, Steve.
11:02You know you're tall.
11:04I've heard rumors.
11:05I love tall women.
11:06I love long legs.
11:08I love your long legs.
11:09I love legs that never end.
11:10Kiss me.
11:11You're not well.
11:12Oh, that's it.
11:12Touch me.
11:13I don't like to put your eyes hook.
11:14I love yours.
11:15All of them.
11:16Have you been taking some kind of medication?
11:17Kiss me.
11:18Kiss me.
11:19No, Steve.
11:19No.
11:20Kiss me.
11:20Come on.
11:21Steve.
11:22First it's Fred, then Bob, now it's Steve.
11:26No.
11:26Knock it off, clap.
11:28No.
11:29Need help?
11:29No, but I do.
11:31Three's better than two.
11:32Oh, easy, Steve.
11:34Down, boy.
11:34The fever and medication are acting like an ephrodisiac.
11:37Barbara, let's go aft and shoot some torpedoes off.
11:40Please, Mr. Stovall.
11:41Stay out of this lather face.
11:43They're mine.
11:43I said I need.
11:45Don't let us rank influence your girls.
11:47There's no stripes on pajamas.
11:48Somebody help me get them into bed.
11:50Sir, that's the last place I want to get them.
11:56Dooley, give us a hand.
11:58Yes, sir.
12:00Stay with them, Dooley.
12:01Yes, sir.
12:02I think I might need some help, though.
12:03Claire, Barbara, don't worry.
12:06I'll write.
12:11I guess I missed Stovall's farewell party, huh?
12:15I wish I had.
12:16I wonder if they'd be in shape for the physical.
12:18Well, he said it takes 36 hours for the fever to break.
12:22We still have about 12 hours to go.
12:24Our only hope is to keep him on the boat and somehow stall the exam.
12:28No way, sir.
12:29What's going on?
12:30This just came in.
12:31The exam is coming to us.
12:33They're overloaded at the base hospital.
12:35Captain Hoover's going to be here in half an hour.
12:37Terrific.
12:38Just what we need, a doctor who makes boat calls.
12:41Desperate men often devise desperate solutions.
12:47With the doctor coming aboard in less than half an hour,
12:50Lieutenant Holden and I knew that the only hope of Ensign Stovall passing the physical
12:54was to have some other member of the crew take his place.
12:57The question was, who?
12:58The answer was, but why me?
13:02I don't look anything like Stovall.
13:03They have the medical records.
13:04You and Honkel are the only ones who are his approximate height and weight.
13:07Well, then use Honkel.
13:08He's very intelligent.
13:10He's too intelligent.
13:11His IQ is 160.
13:13You can't trust anybody that bright.
13:15Besides, he gets very nervous under pressure.
13:17Yeah, but Mr. Stovall's got light hair.
13:19I got dark hair.
13:20We're going to give you a rinse, Blondie.
13:23Williams, you are the pharmacist, mate.
13:27You are the logical candidate.
13:28This is the sick bay.
13:30It is your ballpark.
13:31You can field all the questions.
13:33Then how come when anybody gets sick, they go to the nurses?
13:35I can't even get into the ballpark.
13:38Williams, I give you my solid promise.
13:41The next time I have a cold, I'll come to you.
13:44Captain, I'm too nervous.
13:46Williams, listen, if you don't cooperate, we're going to lose Ensign Stovall.
13:52And remember, there's always a chance that his replacement will be another Mr. Watson.
13:57I'll do it.
13:58We are now faced with a two-fold problem.
14:00Could we convert Williams into a Blond?
14:02And could we accomplish it between the time he took the physical as himself and came back as Stovall?
14:08We decided to have a trial run.
14:10Two minutes.
14:12Barbara, can't you hurry it up?
14:13I'm doing the best I can.
14:14I've never been a rinse in a shower before.
14:16You know, risky or not, I would have been quicker using the sink in the head.
14:18No way.
14:19Watson can walk in any time.
14:21Any time is now.
14:22Here comes the ramrod.
14:23Good, you're finished.
14:41Wash it out.
14:42Time.
14:42Two minutes and 43 seconds.
14:44That's what it's going to take to make the change.
14:45Enough sweat.
14:46You didn't tell me what you think.
14:48I think you and Ensign Stovall are going to have to stop meeting like this.
14:54How's Stovall?
14:55Which one?
14:57Attention on deck!
15:03Captain Sherman, I'm Captain Hoover.
15:06How do you do, sir?
15:07I recognize my presence aboard your boat is rather unusual, but under the circumstances.
15:12If you prefer, we could come to the base in a few days when the hospital's less crowded.
15:17No, I think this is a practical solution, especially in as much as I understand you have nurses aboard.
15:23Yes, sir.
15:25This is Major Hayward.
15:26She and her staff are at your disposal.
15:29Army!
15:31What are you doing aboard a submarine?
15:32Trying to get off.
15:33We can't get our orders.
15:35Snafu time.
15:37Everything in the Pacific Theater has fouled up.
15:40I'm a proctologist, and they've got me doing ears, noses, and throats.
15:44They don't know one end from another out there.
15:49Well, let's get cracking.
15:51This way, Captain.
15:55I'll assemble the men, sir.
15:56Mr. Hawley can do that, Mr. Watson.
15:58You're too valuable to lose.
15:59It's very valuable.
16:01Lose, sir?
16:02Think about it, Mr. Watson.
16:04The room is crowded with men.
16:06What happens when the doctor says cough?
16:08Instant germs.
16:10You could catch who knows what.
16:14I don't want anything like that to happen to my executive officer.
16:17Oh, that's very good thinking, sir.
16:22You'll take your physical last.
16:25After we fumigate the room, of course.
16:27Thank you very much, sir.
16:30Yes.
16:30All right.
16:33Okay, yeoman.
16:34You'll live.
16:36Williams, Everett J.
16:42All right, sailor.
16:43Let's have a look at those eyes.
16:45Oh, I'm sorry.
16:49My family was very disappointed that I didn't become a doctor.
16:52I'm nice.
16:53Come on.
17:00What's the matter, doctor?
17:02I don't like the looks of this.
17:04Looks fine to me.
17:05I work alone, doctor.
17:08Have a seat over there, will you?
17:10I'll get to you later.
17:11I want to examine that throat thoroughly.
17:13Oh, why don't you do it now?
17:15No, I prefer to do it after I've finished with all the other men.
17:19You wouldn't want a second opinion on that, would you?
17:21Uncle, you're the only one who can do it.
17:23But I don't even look like Williams.
17:24How can I look like Stovall?
17:25You have no choice.
17:26It has to be you.
17:27But, sir, I just finished with the examination.
17:29The doctor will remember me.
17:30Uncle, I was there.
17:32He didn't even notice you.
17:33He was too busy.
17:34But, sir, he smiled at me.
17:36I think he maybe even liked me.
17:37What's that, Holden?
17:38Look, I fully understand Yeoman Hunkle's reservations.
17:41We can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
17:44Let's just face the obvious.
17:45We'll have to do without Anthony Stovall.
17:47I know what you're trying to do.
17:49And I do not have a guilt.
17:50There is no way.
17:51I'll do it.
17:56Next.
17:57Um, Stovall, Stephen S.
17:59Why do I get the feeling this has become a spectator sport?
18:16Ensign Stovall, Stephen S., is the ship's mascot, sir.
18:19We like him.
18:20Cutie.
18:23Okay.
18:25Ear's good.
18:25Ear's good.
18:27Eye's fine.
18:28Eye's fine.
18:28Throat good.
18:30Throat good.
18:35Boy, you're really thumping.
18:38Nurse, the blood dresser cuff.
18:39Yes.
18:41Oh, dear.
18:43Oh.
18:43How old are you?
18:59Uh, how old am I?
19:0123.
19:02I'm 23.
19:04For a young man, your blood pressure is extremely high.
19:07Well, he's been under a lot of pressure lately.
19:10Yeah.
19:10Well, I'd like to check you again in 20 minutes.
19:13Why don't you go lie down, young man?
19:14Not next to Williams.
19:17Uncle, if you don't relax, Stovall is going to the hospital.
19:20Sir, I told you I couldn't.
19:22I just didn't feel that.
19:23Not a very...
19:24We'll throw a nice farewell party, sir.
19:25Is there something we can do to relax him?
19:28Let me try something.
19:29All right.
19:29Oh, good boy.
19:41Dolores.
19:43What?
19:44I don't think that's going to do it.
19:46No?
19:47Captain?
19:49Captain, Mr. Stovall's in the sick bay.
19:51The doctor's examining him.
19:52You're supposed to be watching him.
19:53I was taking the examination.
19:55I passed.
20:01Oh, Captain.
20:02I'm examining Ensign Stovall, number two here.
20:08Oh, I'm sorry, but...
20:10Ensign Stovall's a good man.
20:14I didn't want to lose him.
20:15Well, I fully appreciate the value of a good man.
20:18I lost my assistant.
20:19And you know what they replaced him with?
20:21No.
20:22An obstetrician.
20:24Well, somebody up there finally had a pregnant thought.
20:29Well, about your Ensign here.
20:32He has a mild case of what appears to be mononucleosis.
20:35Oh.
20:36Now, I could put him in the hospital, where they'll give him a series of tests,
20:40keep him a couple of weeks,
20:41give him the same medication he's already taking,
20:43and then ship him off on another assignment.
20:47Or.
20:47Or.
20:49You could keep him aboard this boat,
20:50take care of him until he regains his strength.
20:53But, Captain, that decision is yours.
20:57Well, Dodger, I'll have to think about it.
20:58I've thought about it.
20:59Long enough.
21:01Why can't it still remain on the Sea Tiger?
21:05You got him.
21:06Thank you, Dodger.
21:12I love this boat.
21:13I love it here.
21:14I love everyone.
21:16You, Captain.
21:17You, Mr. Holden.
21:18Major Hayward.
21:18The nurses.
21:19Well, even Mr. Watson is...
21:21Interesting.
21:23We enjoy serving with you, Mr. Stovall.
21:26Thank you, sir.
21:27Oh, Lieutenant Reed,
21:28I especially want to apologize to you.
21:31I understand I said some things to you
21:32for which I'm sorry.
21:34You're sorry?
21:35They were really just thoughts I shouldn't have said.
21:37Oh, I didn't mind them.
21:38I just wasn't prepared for them.
21:39Oh?
21:41Case?
21:41What are you doing tonight?
21:42Oh, my God!
21:53Oh, my God!
21:54Oh, my God!
21:55Oh, my God!
22:00Oh!
22:01Oh!
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