- 2 months ago
the submarine crew and nurses face a variety of comedic challenges on the boat, including misadventures involving a raffle and the difficulties of having a "maternity ward" on board.
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Short filmTranscript
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00:36During the war, the Navy operated under the belief that loose lips sink ships.
00:40Lieutenant Holden, however, subscribed to the belief that loose lips are lovely lips that save ships, namely ours.
00:47Lucy. Hello.
00:49Me.
00:51Hi, George.
00:53Hello, Nick.
00:53How you doing?
00:54Ooh, you look gorgeous.
00:55I'm sorry I can't help it. Nick, no information today.
00:59That's the last thing on my mind.
01:00None of the first thing either.
01:01Now, tell me, uh, do you have anything to tell me that you shouldn't tell me?
01:06No, Dice. Nick, we can't. We've got a new chief.
01:10And she's tough. She runs a tight desk, and she's charm-proof.
01:13Oh, yeah? What's her name? Maybe I know her.
01:15Uh, I doubt it. She just came in from Australia.
01:18Don't do that, Doris. Don't turn the pages around.
01:22The only way Lieutenant Holden is able to read is upside down.
01:25Annie, how are you? How are you?
01:30Hi.
01:31What figures?
01:34Look at you. You got your stripe.
01:36Congratulations. I'm very happy for you.
01:37Thanks, Nick.
01:39What are you doing here at Cousine?
01:41Looking for you.
01:43I once used to believe that.
01:45Level with me one time only, huh?
01:47All right. My ship's in port, and I just got to...
01:49That's right.
01:51You're on the Sea Tiger, the ship with five nurses.
01:54Tell me, Nick, did you build that boat?
01:57Annie, how did you know I was aboard the Sea Tiger?
02:00I'm working for Admiral Lawson now, and...
02:02Annie, now, wait a minute.
02:04Now, you don't end a sentence with and, uh. Come on.
02:07It's confidential, Nick. I can't tell you what I saw.
02:11It was something on the Admiral's desk that I wasn't supposed to see.
02:14Annie, tell me. If you don't tell me,
02:17I'm gonna have to remind you of one of your little escapades.
02:21Oh?
02:22April in Manila.
02:30Okay, Nick.
02:32Your skipper is Sherman, right?
02:34Matt Sherman, right. Why?
02:35He just got himself promoted.
02:37The Admiral signed the papers before he left this morning.
02:39Well, that's a big surprise.
02:41He and the Captain are supposed to have some kind of a feud going.
02:43Well, you can tell your captain that the Admiral has patched it up with an extra stripe.
02:47Oh, thank you, Annie. You're one in a million.
02:50From now on, it's you and me till the end.
02:53Till the end of time, I know.
02:56Well.
02:59Scratch that one.
03:01To me.
03:03Happy is the chief who discovers that his skipper just got promoted.
03:07Happy is the chief who's had two or three beers.
03:10Oh, skipper, I am so happy for you.
03:12Yes, sir.
03:13I am really happy for you.
03:14I knew this promotion was going to happen sooner or later.
03:18I told Mr. Holden, and I'm telling you, I'm so happy for you.
03:24Can I ask you a personal question?
03:26What, chief?
03:27Were you happy?
03:28Very happy, chief.
03:30Well, why don't you smile?
03:31All right.
03:33I'll give you my award-winning smile.
03:39Two more beers.
03:40Two more beers.
03:42And I'm buying it.
03:43And you know why?
03:43Why, chief?
03:44Because I'm happy.
03:46You know, I just can't figure out what made the admiral change his mind.
03:54I wonder what I would have got into that stubborn new one.
03:56Nah, skipper, what difference does it make?
03:59The feud is finally over.
04:01A toast to the admiral.
04:03Okay.
04:04A toast to the admiral.
04:08For being big enough to swallow his pride and make the first move.
04:16For being man enough to let bygones be bygones.
04:19For forgetting all the petty little...
04:26Sam, we're just toasting him.
04:28We're not elevating him to sainthood.
04:31Well, I mean, skipper, but this feud's been going on for three years.
04:35Now, it took an awful lot of guts for him to make the first move.
04:39Takes a lot of guts for you to say that, chief.
04:42You keep it up, but I'm going to stop being happy.
04:45That's okay.
04:47Forget it.
04:47I want you to be happy.
04:56It isn't as though I didn't try to make the first move.
05:00But you didn't.
05:01Stubborn pride is an extra anchor.
05:03That's what I say.
05:05Maybe I didn't have the opportunity.
05:08Then you've got to make your own opportunities.
05:10I always say.
05:12Enough, chief.
05:13That's what I say.
05:16Was it something I said?
05:17You're a good man, skipper.
05:21I hope you didn't take offense.
05:23No.
05:24No.
05:24No offense, chief.
05:28By morning, news of my promotion had traveled 300 feet, the length of our boat.
05:33Good morning.
05:41Good morning, one and all.
05:42Good morning.
05:43I mean, terrific news about the captain.
05:45Yes, it is.
05:45It's not official yet, of course.
05:47Oh, how long will that take?
05:49Oh, if they go through normal channels, about three days.
05:52If they expedite it, a week.
05:54Say, you ladies are looking especially lovely this morning.
06:02A lot of people getting promoted aboard this boat.
06:05Good morning.
06:06Good morning.
06:06Good morning.
06:07Good morning, everyone.
06:09Good morning.
06:09Coffee will take a few minutes.
06:10I'm making it fresh.
06:12Dolores, I know this is not something you do intentionally, but you are going to have a cup of coffee in your hand.
06:18And the captain is going to come walking in here wearing his only pair of dress whites.
06:23I understand.
06:24I'll take my coffee to my quarters.
06:26You would.
06:27Why is he wearing his whites?
06:28He's going ashore to stretch his legs.
06:31The question is where and with whom is he stretching his legs?
06:37Yeah, maybe he's got a girlfriend.
06:39You know, it's amazing how little we know about the captain.
06:41Here's your coffee.
06:42Oh, good.
06:45Dolores, the captain, remember?
06:46He has whites.
06:49See you later.
06:51Bye.
06:52Can't afford to be too careful.
06:54Oh!
06:55Mom!
06:57I can't believe I did that.
07:09You're going to have to learn to believe that you did that.
07:16Well, come in.
07:30Here it is, captain.
07:31Good as new.
07:32I use Chief Malumfrey's kerosene.
07:34Remind me not to be around when the smoking lamp is lit.
07:36Oh, captain.
07:41Captain.
07:42I have to pick up some supplies in about 10 or 15 minutes.
07:46Can I get you a lift?
07:47Anywhere?
07:48No.
07:48No, I'm going to walk.
07:49I need the exercise.
07:50Oh, Nick.
07:57Nick.
07:57Yes.
07:58Why the whites?
07:59He's taking a formal walk.
08:01Nick, the crew would like to have a party to celebrate the captain's promotion.
08:04Yeah, it's a good idea.
08:05Why don't you make all the arrangements and limit your guest list to whoever you can get to come?
08:10You know, the more I think of it, it's got to be a woman.
08:13What's got to be a woman?
08:14The reason the captain is wearing his whites, walking tall and wearing that strange cologne.
08:20It's not cologne.
08:21It's kerosene.
08:22Thank God.
08:23See how it could be a woman?
08:25All the women on Kusin are married to high-ranking officers.
08:28Matt?
08:29Yeah.
08:29Matt!
08:31Hi.
08:32How are you?
08:33Fine.
08:34You know, I've often wondered what I would say if we met again.
08:36I don't think it would be nothing.
08:39You are looking great.
08:41You ought to give lessons in looking great.
08:45He's got your number, Matt.
08:47Well, that's Bob's bird.
08:48He has no romance.
08:50Tell me, how many years has it been?
08:51Three.
08:53Well, you still haven't changed a bit.
08:55You're still wearing dress whites.
08:56Well, I had to wear them coming to see you.
08:58You know, I remember you as beautiful, but you were much more than that.
09:02Matt, if you're ever at a loss for what to do after the war, you might consider writing
09:09valentine cards.
09:11Now, for the moment of truth, why are you here?
09:16I came to see Bob.
09:17I wanted to thank him.
09:18What for?
09:19He approved my promotion.
09:21Oh!
09:22Oh, I'm so pleased!
09:24And you're surprised.
09:26You really are surprised.
09:27And I'm surprised that you're surprised.
09:29Because I thought you had something to do with it.
09:31Well, frankly, I'd given up.
09:33The two of you are so obstinate and so stubborn that all I could do is hope.
09:37Well, it's happened.
09:40And now it's all yesterday.
09:41Yeah.
09:43Hogwash!
09:46You know, Matt, Bob isn't here.
09:48He's on Namu Island.
09:49Oh.
09:52Why isn't Hogwash with him?
09:53Is he retired or pensioned?
09:55No, actually, he hadn't received his shots at the time Bob left, and so he got left behind.
10:00It's the first time, actually, that Bob hasn't had his good luck charm.
10:04Well, our first stop is Namu.
10:05I could take Hogwash with me, deliver him to the Admiral.
10:08Oh, Matt, that's wonderful.
10:09That'll make Bob so happy.
10:11I'm glad.
10:11Well, actually, you should get Hogwash and Olive Branch.
10:15Why should the Dove have a monopoly on peace?
10:17Sir, sir.
10:22There's a very good-looking...
10:23She said she had...
10:25And I think she's a...
10:27Annie!
10:28Come on.
10:29What's wrong?
10:30You look like you're making a condolence call.
10:33I might be.
10:34You may bury me when I tell you what I have to say.
10:37Wait, whoa.
10:37Are we talking about the skipper's promotion?
10:39What I thought was his promotion.
10:41I was wrong.
10:43What I read was Mark disapproved.
10:46Not approved.
10:47There is a difference.
10:49Nick, I hope this isn't going to cause you any trouble.
10:52Well.
10:54Not if you can figure out any other reason we're congratulating the captain.
11:00Take it down, guys.
11:01Maybe next year.
11:05What?
11:06Blow it away!
11:08What's the matter, Broome?
11:09You look doomy or gloomy than usual.
11:10You got some good news?
11:11Sir, Lieutenant Hogan wants to see you.
11:13He's in the engine room.
11:14I'll call him.
11:14Oh, I'll go to him.
11:15That's all right.
11:16Mr. Watson, keep an eye on hogwash.
11:19Yes, sir.
11:21Hogwash is the Admiral's bird.
11:23Pleased to meet you.
11:24Hogwash.
11:27Best advice I can give you, son,
11:29is to come out and tell the captain the truth.
11:32He didn't get the promotion.
11:34What's your second best?
11:37Wanted to see me, Mr. Hogan?
11:39Yes, sir.
11:40Sir, I was wrong about your promotion.
11:42My unimpeachable source turned out to be quite peachable.
11:47Skipper, you deserve that stripe.
11:49Yes, sir, you did.
11:50I'm terribly sorry.
11:52Captain?
11:52Yes.
11:53Captain, I have a very good idea, sir.
11:55Why don't we keep the bird in here?
11:57It's very close to his natural habitat, sir.
11:59It's warm.
12:00Mr. Watson, get that bird back to Admiral Lawson's house immediately.
12:03That's a very good idea, too, sir.
12:04Tell Mrs. Lawson he both made an error in judgment.
12:06The same one.
12:07Yes, sir.
12:08Wait a minute.
12:10Skipper, you said you never had an opportunity to make the first move.
12:13The bird is it.
12:15He's right.
12:16You...
12:16Mr. Watson, hang on to the Admiral's bird.
12:23Don't let it fly the coop until I've talked to the captain, all right?
12:25Skipper.
12:29Skipper.
12:30I think you're making a big mistake.
12:31That bird is very important to the Admiral.
12:33I know.
12:33He does all his thinking for him.
12:36Maybe, but the whole fleet knows it's his good luck charm.
12:40Now, to paraphrase an old saying, a bird in the hand is worth a stripe on the shoulder.
12:45Paraphrase is still another way, Mr. Holden.
12:46A bird in the hand could be very embarrassing.
12:49Look, Captain, I don't know what this whole feud is all about here, but that parrot could patch
12:54things up.
12:54Now, why should the Dove have a monopoly on peace?
12:57That's a dumb statement.
12:58I know.
12:59I said it.
13:00Besides, I don't get my promotions that way.
13:02Well, with all due respect, sir, you're not getting them any other way, either.
13:05Mr. Holden, I refuse to cater to a stubborn, pig-headed mule who won't budge an inch.
13:09Why don't you take the first step?
13:10Not on your life.
13:19Why did I talk to the captain?
13:20I just upset him.
13:22Now I have to deliver the bird.
13:23Give him to me.
13:24You?
13:25Yeah, then give me the bird.
13:26I'm supposed to deliver the bird.
13:27Oh, great.
13:28Great.
13:28Terrific.
13:29Do it.
13:29Just tell the captain you insisted.
13:31Get me off the hook.
13:33Believe me, the last thing I want to do is get involved in a feud between an admiral and
13:36a lieutenant commander.
13:37Holden, if you're supposed to deliver the bird, then you deliver the bird.
13:40An order is an order.
13:42I need your help.
13:48Nick?
13:48Oh, so cute.
13:50Does anybody know anything about parrots?
13:52Oh, I used to have a parrot.
13:53I made the mistake of teaching him how to talk.
13:55Why was it a mistake?
13:56I had to give him away before he gave me away.
14:00Okay.
14:01Okay, you're in charge.
14:02This is hogwash.
14:03We have to deliver him to Admiral Lawson and get the captain the stripe.
14:06The captain know about this?
14:08What kind of a question is that?
14:09Right.
14:10He doesn't.
14:11You want us to hide the bird.
14:12Yes, and I don't want that eagle-eyed Watson to spot it either.
14:15Ah!
14:16Hi, Uncle.
14:17Thank you, ladies.
14:19Just who we need.
14:20Another roommate.
14:22He has a profile just like my ex-husband, but he's taller.
14:25By the following morning, after a good night's sleep, I had put the promotion-demotion fiasco
14:31in its proper perspective.
14:33And, as for Admiral Lawson, I had dismissed him from my mind.
14:36I knew how senseless it was to brood about a pig-headed, bull-headed mule.
14:45I hope this parrot likes sesame seeds.
14:48He better.
14:48It's the only thing on the menu.
14:51Oh, hi.
14:53Morning, Captain.
14:54What in the world are you doing?
14:55Oh, breakfast.
14:58I love the rolls.
14:59Hate the seeds.
15:00Oh.
15:01Oh.
15:01Yeah.
15:03Oh.
15:04Where are you going with the seeds?
15:07Oh.
15:07Oh, the seeds.
15:09Uh, Lieutenant Duran loves the seeds, hates the rolls.
15:15Pretty boy.
15:17Pretty boy, come on.
15:18I wish somebody'd bring me breakfast in bed.
15:21Major, before we feed him, I think you should change the newspaper in the cage.
15:24Why, is he finished reading it?
15:27You do the best, you do.
15:29Changing diapers time.
15:30Ah!
15:32Ah!
15:32Ah!
15:33Ah!
15:34Ah!
15:34Ah!
15:35Ah!
15:35Ah!
15:36Ah!
15:37Ah!
15:37Ah!
15:37Ah!
15:39You know, there's nothing like sitting down and having a good fresh cup of coffee and
15:43just relaxing in the morning.
15:51On the other hand, sometimes it's better to just skip coffee and get a little exercise.
15:56Oh, sir, hold it.
15:57Come on.
15:57Sit down.
15:58It's a rare morning when tranquility reigns aboard the sea tiger.
16:01Oh, but, sir...
16:02Captain, we got a problem.
16:03We're not getting any fresh air aboard the boat.
16:05I don't know what's malfunctioning.
16:06I've checked all the air ducts.
16:07All right.
16:08All right.
16:08Let's check a copy of the schematics.
16:10Roger, you lost something?
16:15Oh, yes.
16:17As a matter of fact, one of my rolls rolled away.
16:21Oh.
16:21I'll get another one.
16:22What's going on, please?
16:23Of course.
16:26Captain, I'll, uh, I'll be there in just a minute, okay?
16:30What happened?
16:30The bird escaped.
16:31That part I figured out.
16:32I'm sorry.
16:33What can I do?
16:34If you can't walk, talk, and look like a parrot, find the other one.
16:37Hawk wash.
16:38Oh, my God.
16:39Let's figure out the air cloud system.
16:40You must be perched on a switch somewhere.
16:43Fifteen men on a dead man's chest.
16:45Mr. Watson, sir.
16:47I said, sir, I just thought I heard something.
16:49Sir did I, but you didn't.
16:50You didn't.
16:51No one did.
16:51Mr. Watson, where are the specifications in the ventilation system?
16:54They're right here, sir.
16:57What are you...
16:58They're not right here, sir.
17:01They're right here, sir.
17:02They are.
17:07They're right here.
17:08We're ready to surface, sir.
17:10Good.
17:10Take her up.
17:11Take her up.
17:12Why are we surfacing?
17:13Because we're in port.
17:15Once we temporarily solve the ventilation problem, we'll open the hatches.
17:19You can't.
17:20Something might fly in.
17:22These plans aren't much help.
17:24We're going to have to check the ducts themselves.
17:26Yeah, you're right.
17:26There are too many modifications.
17:28Mr. Stovall, you take the bridge.
17:29Yes, sir.
17:30All right, Malofri, let's go.
17:36Okay, hairnets.
17:37Hairnets.
17:37I need lots of hairnets.
17:38What for?
17:39Oh, we're surfacing.
17:40I've got to cover the hatches.
17:42I don't want the bird to fly out of here.
17:43Dooley, will you take care of that for me?
17:44Yes, sir.
17:44Lieutenant?
17:45Lieutenant, shots that just started hot lunch.
17:47They're in the radio room.
17:48And vice versa.
17:51Captain, we're in the moor.
17:52Good.
17:54Malofri, if you're right, our problem is external.
17:57It's not internal.
17:58Wait, wait, you can't go up there.
18:02What?
18:02Why not?
18:03Because, because, because you just gave Mr. Stovall his first opportunity to take over.
18:09And if you go up there, then he will feel emasculated.
18:13Don't worry, Mr. Hogan.
18:15I promise I'll compliment him.
18:20Moderately.
18:20Put your old nuts out to you in my quarters.
18:33Hairnets over hatches.
18:34Broom.
18:35A living torpedo.
18:36Major Hayward scraping the seeds off rolls.
18:39Park washers on this boat!
18:40I'm Admiral Lawson.
18:46My wife tells me you have my parrot aboard this boat.
18:48Where is it?
18:49I think you better talk to the captain.
18:51This way, sir.
18:53Lieutenant, I told you I don't want that bird on this boat.
18:56Now, are you going to listen to me and follow your orders?
18:58Wait a minute.
18:59Now, look, you're responding emotionally.
19:01Now, you were upset because you didn't get your promotion.
19:03I understand.
19:04But I just thought that with the bird, we could perhaps do a little...
19:08I know what you think, Lieutenant.
19:09I know how you think.
19:10You can get your promotions by hustling and conniving.
19:13If you don't mind, I prefer to earn mine.
19:15Skipper, will you face the facts?
19:16If it hadn't been for that silly feud, you would have gotten your stripe months ago.
19:20It's obvious you're dealing with an Admiral who is obstinate, obdurate, intractable, and...
19:26Present.
19:29How do you do, sir?
19:32Hello, Matt.
19:33Hello, Bob.
19:35This is Lieutenant...
19:36Shortsfelder.
19:37Don't bother trying to remember it.
19:39Lieutenant Holden.
19:41I'm very sorry about what you just overheard, sir.
19:43Bob, I'm not sorry.
19:46I'm sorry I brought the bird.
19:48I'm sorry to hear that, Matt.
19:50I had erroneously assumed that I was the only one who had remained obstinate, obdurate, and
19:56what was that third word, Lieutenant?
19:57Intractable.
19:59But, Matt, you haven't changed either.
20:00You could have made the first move, but you are as incapable of making a conciliatory gesture
20:05as I am.
20:06As I was.
20:07I've changed.
20:08I'm a fine person.
20:11Next time your name is on a promotion list, I'll okay it.
20:15Congratulations, Captain.
20:16Now, wait a minute.
20:17Wait a minute.
20:18I don't want a promotion just because we have the bird.
20:21Captain, I'm sorry.
20:23We may not have the bird.
20:24What do you mean?
20:25He got out of his cage, and we haven't found him yet.
20:29Oh.
20:30Allow me.
20:30Hello, hogwash.
20:58Hi, Skipper.
20:59You see, Matt, he always comes home for lunch.
21:04Let's scuttle this feud officially, Matt.
21:07Thank you, sir.
21:08Thank you, hogwash.
21:09We owe him that.
21:11In a way, he initiated it.
21:13You might say he's a pirate of peace.
21:16After all, why should the dove get all the business?
21:18That is an exclusive analogy, sir.
21:20You know, Matt, you've got a good man here in, uh, Schwartzfelder.
21:24Uh, hogwash.
21:32Captain.
21:32Yeah.
21:32I found the problem with our fresh air system.
21:34Oh.
21:36Well, let's try it out.
21:40Hogwash must have built a nest.
21:41Now that hogwash is off this boat, we can all breathe easier in more ways than one.
21:48Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
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