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00:00Blanche, come on over. I want to tell you all about the wedding.
00:12Oh, I'll be right there, Gracie.
00:14All right.
00:20Hello, information.
00:22Tell me, if a girl marries a sailor, where's a nice place for them to go on their honeymoon?
00:26Oh, you only give phone numbers?
00:31Well, that's silly.
00:32If she wants them, she can get all she wants from the sailor.
00:36Goodbye.
00:38Oh, Gracie, what is this about a wedding?
00:41Oh, yes, Blanche.
00:42Mrs. Nelson's daughter Carol is getting married, and we're going to have the wedding right here tonight.
00:48You mean in this house? A wedding here tonight?
00:50Yes, and so naturally you and Harry are invited.
00:53I'm just making out the list now.
00:55Well, but, Gracie, I don't seem to remember your mentioning a Mrs. Nelson or a daughter Carol.
01:00Are they relatives?
01:01Oh, yes. Mrs. Nelson is Carol's mother, and that makes Carol her daughter.
01:07No, no, I mean, honey, are they your relatives?
01:11Oh, no, but Mrs. Nelson did me a tremendous favor once, and this is the first chance I've had to pay her back.
01:17Oh, well, it's a wonderful way to pay her back.
01:21But isn't the wedding awfully sudden?
01:23Oh, no, no. Carol's known she was going to marry the sailor for six months.
01:27In fact, he's known about it two weeks himself.
01:32Yeah.
01:33Say, honey, what are you going to wear?
01:35My brand new green dress. It's upstairs on the bed.
01:37Oh, I've got to see it.
01:38And, Blanche, look, whatever you wear tonight, will you bring an extra large handkerchief?
01:44Why?
01:44Well, during the ceremony, you and I have to do all the crying for the bride's mother.
01:49Isn't she going to be here?
01:51Well, yes, but she's so glad to get rid of her daughter, she won't be able to cry.
01:56Now, the Thompsons, the Millers, the, uh...
02:01Gracie, have you seen my wife?
02:03Well, that's a silly question.
02:05I see her every day. She lives next door.
02:09Gracie, will you tell her to come home and fix my eggs?
02:12Yeah, well, I'll tell her, but it won't pay to fix them.
02:14Once they're broken, it's cheaper to buy new ones.
02:19Oh, Gracie, your dress is beautiful.
02:24Oh, do you like it?
02:25Uh-huh.
02:26So, you know, Blanche, with the bride and groom, there'll be about 45 people.
02:30Oh?
02:31Well, isn't that going to be an awful lot of work for you, Gracie?
02:34Oh, no, I'm not lifting a finger.
02:36The Savoy Catering Company is doing everything.
02:39Oh.
02:40Say, Gracie, doesn't this take you back to your wedding day?
02:44Oh, yes.
02:46Me too.
02:48Look, if you had it to do all over again, would you marry George?
02:53Oh, of course. Wouldn't you marry Harry?
02:54Well, of course.
02:55Oh, sure.
02:56I wouldn't change George for Cary Grant.
02:59And I wouldn't change Harry for Clark Gable.
03:20What's so funny?
03:21What are they laughing at?
03:22I'll admit that Harry Morton is no Gable.
03:31Yeah, I was taken once for Grant.
03:33Fella on the street says, aye, General.
03:38Ridiculous to think that I look like General Grant.
03:41People who saw us together never thought so.
03:43How about this wedding at my house tonight?
03:48You know, this can cost me about $1,000, and so far I haven't even been invited.
03:54I don't know the bride, the groom, the parents, or the guests.
03:58But there's the kind of a guy I am.
04:01So it cost $1,000.
04:03It's going to make somebody else happy.
04:05Let somebody else pay for it, because I'd like to save the money.
04:08But I'll get stuck.
04:13And weddings cost money.
04:14A couple of months ago, Gracie and I went to a wedding right here in Beverly Hills.
04:18A tremendous affair.
04:20After the wedding ceremony, about 300 men lined up to kiss the bride.
04:24You never saw a sadder-looking bunch in your life.
04:27A lot of them thought they were kissing her for the last time.
04:30I don't want to mention who the bride and groom were,
04:38but this wedding ceremony and the reception lasted 12 hours.
04:43Which, by the way, was six hours longer than the marriage lasted.
04:52I knew this marriage wouldn't last long.
04:54I'll tell you why.
04:55Anyway, when the bride threw the wedding bouquet from the balcony,
04:59she ran down and caught it herself.
05:05Gracie and I had a very simple wedding.
05:07Matter of fact, we eloped.
05:09We didn't intend to.
05:10What happened was I went over there to introduce myself to Gracie's father.
05:14I said, Mr. Allen, I'm George Burns.
05:16I put out my hand, and he stuck a ladder into it.
05:22Anyway, after Gracie came down the ladder, we got into a cab,
05:24and before the cab pulled away, I said,
05:26Mr. Allen, you don't even know me.
05:28How can you trust me?
05:29He says, I don't.
05:30That's why I'm holding on to the ladder.
05:34Well, I got Gracie, he's got the ladder, and we're all...
05:37Who's that?
05:38Get a load of him.
05:42I wonder what he did when he was alive.
05:48Yes?
05:48Hello, ma'am.
05:50I'm Mr. Robert of the Savoy Catering Company.
05:52Oh.
05:53Oh, tickles.
05:57Come on in.
05:58Merci beaucoup, madame.
05:59Merci.
06:01What did you say your name was?
06:03Why, Mr. Robert of the Savoy Catering Company.
06:07Oh.
06:11Pardon.
06:11My assistants are in a driveway.
06:15Oh.
06:16Pierre, Henri, commencez Ă Ă©changer les fleurs.
06:18C'est ici que le mariage aura lieu.
06:22Oh, my, you speak French beautifully.
06:25How long have you been in this country?
06:27Only two years, madame.
06:28Oh, my, you must have had a wonderful teacher.
06:31I've been here all my life, and I can't speak French at all.
06:35Oui, ma'am.
06:36Uh, now we, we must get very busy.
06:39All right.
06:40Uh, I have here a simple menu.
06:42Mm-hmm.
06:42Now, let's see how you like it.
06:44Ah.
06:45How many guests, uh, are you expecting?
06:47Oh, about 46.
06:4946?
06:49Mm-hmm.
06:50Hmm, sacre bleu, but this room is much too small.
06:53C'est impossible de voir un mariage.
06:54C'est plus un bonnet comme ça.
06:55Mais non, c'est impossible.
06:57Oh, madame.
07:00But you have a beautiful patio.
07:02Oh, thank you.
07:02That's because I watch my diet.
07:04I mean, we will have the wedding outside, but...
07:11Pierre?
07:11Pierre?
07:12Non, non.
07:13Euh, nous allons avoir le mariage dehors.
07:15Nous aurons l'arcade près de la porte.
07:17Mais le soleil gĂ¢tera les fleurs.
07:20C'est mieux près de la piscine.
07:22Près de la porte.
07:23La piscine.
07:25La porte.
07:26Pierre.
07:31You know, you must excuse Pierre.
07:33He wants to have the flowers by the pool.
07:35I want them by the door.
07:37It's much better.
07:38He is very nervous.
07:39Oh, why don't you teach him to bite his nails?
07:42Oui.
07:43Yes.
07:44Uh, did you notice there is a pĂ¢tĂ© de foie gras on the menu?
07:49Oh?
07:50Well, we'll just throw this one away and get a clean one.
07:54Oh.
07:56Pierre.
07:58La porte.
07:59La piscine.
08:00La porte.
08:02La piscine.
08:03La porte.
08:10How do you like the menu, madame?
08:12Now, may I see the kitchen?
08:13Oh, well, certainly it's right this way.
08:15Uh, la porte.
08:20Here it is.
08:21How do you like it?
08:22Oh, it's very nice.
08:24It's wonderful, wonderful indeed.
08:26Now, do not worry about tonight, madame.
08:27All right.
08:28We will bring 30 chickens and all the corn, bees, potatoes, and salad they can eat.
08:35Oh, well, that takes care of the chickens.
08:36Now, what will the guests eat?
08:41Leave everything to me, madame.
08:43Oh, all right.
08:44Now, I'll do just...
08:45Ah, I see that you are a big user of carnation meal.
08:49And it's contented, you know.
08:51I use it in all my cooking.
08:53Why, I've been making a cream soup with carnation for 22 years.
08:57Oh, my goodness.
08:58When it's finished, I'd love to taste it.
09:00I'll bet it'll be delicious.
09:03I think I'll take a breath of fresh air.
09:05Excuse me.
09:06Yes, all right.
09:07Bien.
09:08Combien de fois faut-il vous dire de mettre la carte fin de la porte?
09:10Combien de fois faut-il vous dire ce n'est pas bien près de la porte, le piscine?
09:13Le piscine!
09:20Oh, he's still nervous, huh?
09:23Say, tell me something.
09:25If you don't wind that every day, will it run down?
09:30Oh, excuse me, just a minute.
09:32Yes, George?
09:33Where's the...
09:34Where's the mate to this shoe?
09:35I can't find it.
09:36Oh, that's the pair you told me to get half sold?
09:38That's right.
09:39Well, this is the half I didn't sell.
09:43Uh, yep.
09:50Yeah.
09:52Oh, Monsieur Robert, I want you to meet my husband, George's Monsieur Robert.
09:57Uh, Robert is taking care of everything for the wedding.
10:00Oh, wonderful.
10:01I thought I'd have to pay for it.
10:02Thank you, Robert.
10:03Oh, but, Monsieur, you are paying.
10:08Here is, uh, an estimate for your approval.
10:10Oh, well, I'll look at it and check this later.
10:13Will we bow again before I exit?
10:15Uh, well, uh, uh, Monsieur Robert, I want everything to be just as nice as you can make it for Carol's wedding.
10:24Because her mother once did me a terrific favor.
10:27Now, do not worry, madame.
10:29The patio will be a scene of beauty.
10:31Yes.
10:31The flowers will harmonize with the gowns.
10:34The bridesmaids will wear pastel organdex.
10:37Today, the bride, Carol, will wear a gown of white satin.
10:41And lilies will be floating on the pool.
10:44Well, Lily can put it right back on again.
10:48This is going to be a respectable wedding.
10:52You do not understand, madame.
10:54Uh, Lily is not a lady.
10:55She certainly isn't, and I don't even want her here.
10:58Do you know that the orchids on the bridle arch cost $300?
11:15We should use dandelions.
11:17We're only on every other week.
11:21I, uh, I spoke to Gracie.
11:23I said, look, Gracie, this, uh, boy is a sailor.
11:25Why doesn't the captain of a ship marry him?
11:28And she says, don't be silly.
11:29The captain is already married.
11:32I try to find out who this woman is who did this wonderful favor for her.
11:37But I can't corner her long enough.
11:39Blanche, Blanche, you in here?
11:41Oh, our neighbors, the mortals.
11:42I'm helping Gracie, Harry.
11:44Come on in.
11:46Come on, waiter, please put this.
11:48I think right here on this table will be just fine.
11:51Uh-huh, that would be wonderful.
11:53I just got this note you left for me.
11:54I will not be best man at this wedding.
11:56Well, of course, Harry.
11:59Whatever you say, darling.
12:01Anything you say.
12:02Uh-huh.
12:04I'll be able to finish up here.
12:05Thank you very much.
12:09Oh, yes, you are.
12:13Gracie is counting on you.
12:15Blanche, I don't even know these people that are getting married.
12:18Why can't George be best man?
12:20Well, George doesn't know them either.
12:22And besides, Gracie says he gets very nervous at weddings.
12:24At their wedding, he shook so hard, he could hardly get the money out of her purse to pay the minister.
12:32I will not be the best man.
12:34Oh, Harry, you're going to spoil everything.
12:38Don't you have any romance?
12:40Why, when I think about our wedding, I can hardly keep from crying.
12:45Your control is better than mine is.
12:49You're going to be best man.
12:50This boy's coming all the way from San Diego.
12:52He's a sailor and the Navy's given him 24 hours to get married.
12:56He must have hit an admiral.
12:57They really threw the book at him.
13:00Hello.
13:01Hello, is Madame Burns here?
13:03Well, we are having trouble with the lights, you know.
13:05Well, I'll call her for you.
13:07Gracie, Robert wants to see you.
13:10Morning.
13:11Oh, no, I'm a beast, idiot.
13:14Oh, what kind of bitty is what you're doing with this stupid.
13:17That's a mustache to votre père.
13:22Oh, hello, Harry.
13:23Oh, don't come near me.
13:24My nails are drying.
13:25You want to see me, Pierre?
13:27Oui, madame.
13:28Yeah, monsieur Robert.
13:28I want to see you because Monsieur Henri wishes me to ask you.
13:34Do you know where the fuse box is?
13:37Oh, well, let me see now.
13:40Now, I give up, Henri.
13:41Where is it?
13:45Qu'est-ce qu'elle a dit?
13:47Oh, n'importe.
13:48On en fera les bougies.
13:50Madame, et coucou.
13:52Oh, et coucou.
13:54Say, Blanche, you understand French.
14:00What did they say about me?
14:03Ah, they said you were very pretty.
14:07Oh, really?
14:08Is that what cuckoo means?
14:11I've been getting compliments all my life, and I never knew it.
14:19Blanche, why is Gracie giving this wedding?
14:21I mean, is it going to cost George a fortune?
14:24The bride's mother did Gracie a great favor, and Gracie never forgets.
14:29Neither does an elephant, but I wouldn't want to be married to one.
14:33Oh, I don't know.
14:34I don't mind.
14:37Very funny.
14:38Very funny.
14:40Listen, you've got no squawk coming because you've had a very full life with me.
14:45Yeah, what's it been full of?
14:48Hi, folks.
14:49Oh, hello, Mr. Bontell.
14:50Hello, Harry.
14:51Hi, Harry.
14:52Hey, this is going to be quite a wedding tonight.
14:55I saw Gracie outside, and she said the cutest thing.
14:58I'll bet she did.
14:59I saw all those fellas putting the flowers around on the patio, and I said to Gracie,
15:02what are they, delphiniums?
15:03She said the tall one might be, but the two I met are Frenchmen.
15:06Oh, congratulate my husband.
15:13He's going to be best man tonight.
15:15Well, hold it a minute.
15:17I'm sorry to stop the show, but I got to tell you about Bill Goodwin.
15:23Bill Goodwin is going to New York to be starred in his own television show, and we want to
15:38wish him every success and happiness.
15:40And from now on, Harry Bonzel will be a permanent member of our cast.
15:44And I know you're going to like him because Harry is a fine personality.
15:48Okay, on with the show.
15:50Wonderful, Harry.
15:54Hello, boy.
15:57It's going to be a great night tonight.
15:58You know something?
15:59I am crazy about weddings.
16:01Oh, you are, huh?
16:02Are you married?
16:04Yeah, hey, that's a funny thing.
16:06People have been asking me that question ever since the time I fell into a concrete mixer.
16:10That proves you're single.
16:13If you were married, you wouldn't remember falling into a concrete mixer.
16:20Blanche, you think that's funny?
16:23No, but if I don't laugh at it, he'll tell it again.
16:28Come on, comedian.
16:29Let's bring the nuts to the patio.
16:31Well, I can help.
16:32Oh, no.
16:33Gracie asked me to get some candles for the wedding.
16:36Oh.
16:36And, uh, Bill Goodwin asked me to mail him some cigars.
16:55You know, I hope Harry doesn't spend over 64 cents for those candles.
16:59I just added up that wedding bill, and that's all I've got left.
17:02$2,000 is a lot of money to spend on a wedding when you don't know the people.
17:09But maybe they'll name their first child after me.
17:12Jerky.
17:17You know, I think this wedding is getting out of hand.
17:21I felt bad because I didn't know who the bride and groom were.
17:25I just met 60 people on my patio who didn't know who I was.
17:28I'd get some more food, but there's...
17:32I got no place to put it.
17:34Oh, you girls just look beautiful.
17:38Now, wait.
17:38I want George to see you.
17:40Oh, you're going to be just such beautiful bridesmaids.
17:44It's just lovely to see you.
17:46Thanks, Mrs. Burns.
17:47We just saw Carol upstairs in her bridal gown, and she looks stunning.
17:50Oh, you know, that sailor's very, very lucky to get a girl like Carol.
17:54She looks like an angel.
17:55Well, you know the old saying, marriages are made in heaven.
17:59Yes, but in this case, I'm glad it's here.
18:01It's nearer San Diego.
18:05I appreciate it.
18:06Oh, George, I want you to meet the bridesmaids.
18:10This is Nellie, and this is June.
18:12Nellie?
18:13June?
18:13And you know, June is going to get married next week.
18:16Oh?
18:17Are you marrying a sailor too, June?
18:18Oh, no.
18:19I'm marrying a used car salesman.
18:21Well, if you love him, it doesn't make any difference whether he's used or new.
18:32That's right, June.
18:34And if you don't like him, you can always have him retreaded.
18:38Well, of course.
18:39We better go help Carol.
18:41Okay, goodbye, girls.
18:42Goodbye.
18:43Well, George?
18:46Tracy, the bride couldn't look prettier than you do.
18:49I do look cuckoo, don't I?
18:56Which way do the girls go?
18:58I need a little help.
19:00Madame Burns, we have a problem.
19:02With so many unexpected guests, we may not have enough food to go around.
19:05Oh, well, I'll tell you what you do.
19:07Just give everybody extra large portions and nobody will notice it.
19:14Look, Robert.
19:15I will manage.
19:16Good.
19:17Pierre!
19:17Pierre!
19:19Pierre, je vous le dis pour la dernière fois, mettez l'arcade près de la porte!
19:22Écoutez-moi, Robert.
19:24Cet arcade bat mieux près de la piscine comme je le disais.
19:28Et c'est lĂ oĂ¹ je la mettre.
19:30Laissez-moi tranquille!
19:32La porte!
19:32I feel very sorry for Pierre.
19:41You know he is right.
19:44Well, if he's right, why don't you do it his way?
19:46I'm a very stubborn man.
19:50Gracie, will you sit down?
19:51I'd like to talk to you.
19:52I'd like to find out about this.
19:53Say, Andre!
19:55Andre, give everybody a handful of rice to throw.
19:57But be careful, it's still hot.
20:04Did you say the rice was still hot?
20:06Mm-hmm.
20:06I cooked it so it wouldn't hurt the bride and groom.
20:10Well, why don't you have him throw Jell-O?
20:12It's softer.
20:12Look, sit down.
20:14I'd like to talk to you.
20:15Oh, the Nelson.
20:16This is the bride's parents.
20:18This is my husband, Joy.
20:19Mrs. Nelson?
20:20Mr. Nelson?
20:21How do you do?
20:21Oh, Mr. Burns, we can't thank you enough for what you're doing for our carol.
20:25Oh, it's a pleasure.
20:27And this fine tuxedo you bought me.
20:29I bought the tuxedo?
20:31Yes, isn't it lovely?
20:32Yes.
20:33How do you think it fits?
20:34Nice.
20:35A little tight around my wallet, but nice.
20:38Well, because of you, Carol and her husband will be happy for the rest of their lives.
20:43Well, I just hope they live that long so they can enjoy it.
20:48I hope I do, too, so I can pay for the wedding.
20:51We'll never forget this, Mr. Burns.
20:53And if you're in Pomona at any time, drop in at the ranch.
20:56Wonderful.
20:57I love grapefruit.
20:58Yeah, it's good.
20:59I like them, too.
21:00Bring some with you, will you?
21:02Yeah.
21:03Well, sit down, Gracie.
21:04I'd like to talk to you.
21:05Charming.
21:06Oh, George, before you talk, I want to tell you something.
21:09You know, a little while ago, I was having a little talk with Carol about the facts of life.
21:14Oh, you told her about the facts of life.
21:14Yeah, well, you know, when I was a little girl, my mother told me.
21:17Well, that's right.
21:17How the bees carry pollen from flower to flower on their feet.
21:22I even tried it, but believe me, it's nothing.
21:26Well, I'm glad you told me I was ready to take my shoes off.
21:30Oh, the wedding.
21:31Oh, the wedding.
21:32Oh, the wedding.
21:32Oh, the wedding.
21:33You want to put all the flowers?
21:35Well, the little...
21:36Line up, line up right here facing the way.
21:38Oh, the bride.
21:39Oh, the bride.
21:40Beautiful.
21:41Beautiful.
21:41Isn't she beautiful?
21:41Line up right here.
21:43Line up here.
21:44Here.
21:46That's very nice.
21:48There we go.
21:49Okay.
21:49Oh, the wedding march.
21:51Okay.
21:51Okay.
21:51And look, Gracie, I'd like to ask you something.
21:53This cost me $3,600
21:56What is the favor this woman did for you?
21:59Oh, Mrs. Nelson
22:00Well, about two weeks ago
22:01My car got stalled on Vine Street
22:04And she was nice enough to give me a little push
22:06Maybe you can do something for her sometime
22:11Let's go
22:23Thank you
22:29Gracie, let's drink a toast to our sponsor
22:32All right
22:32Not yet
22:33You see, tonight marks the beginning of our second year on television for Carnation
22:37Oh
22:38Not yet, not yet
22:39So, uh, to Carnation, may they always be contented
22:44Now, Gracie
22:45Oh, look, aren't these flowers? Beautiful homes
22:48Oh, yes, I will
22:49Oh, they're lovely
22:51I wonder who they're from
22:53Well, I wonder
22:53Oh, dear
22:55You know, wasn't I silly a year ago?
22:58Yeah, I thought I could get Carnation milk by milking Carnations
23:02Gracie, you, you, you certainly were
23:07Yes
23:07But now when I milk a Carnation, I don't expect anything
23:11Hey, uh, you're much smarter this year
23:15Say goodnight
23:16Yeah, goodnight
23:16Goodnight
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