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00:00Children, children, please be quiet so I can hear Aunt Gracie.
00:15Gracie, can I back any farther?
00:17Not backwards, Mamie.
00:18If you want to back any more, you have to back it forward.
00:22Okay, I'll leave it here.
00:24Hi, Aunt Gracie!
00:25Hello, Linda.
00:26Hello, Jerry.
00:27How are you?
00:28Oh, my goodness.
00:30Mamie, how does Shari get her head caught in a goldfish bowl?
00:34Oh, that's not a goldfish bowl.
00:36That's a space helmet.
00:37Oh.
00:38Come on, Joan, get your luggage together now.
00:40Oh, hurry up.
00:42Oh, hello, Harry.
00:45Guess who just got in from San Francisco.
00:47Mamie Kelly and her trailer and the three reasons I shouldn't have come home for lunch.
00:52Look where she parked this trailer right on my new lawn.
00:54She'll ruin it.
00:55Oh, Harry, don't be childish.
00:57It'll ruin the lawn before it'll hurt the trailer.
01:00Why do I live here?
01:02Why didn't I settle down in...
01:03Oh, look at these naughty little people.
01:06Look.
01:06Space Captain calling Rocket Patrol.
01:10Do you read me?
01:11Rocket Patrol speaking.
01:13I read you, Space Captain.
01:14We've signed a big space balloon.
01:16What are your orders?
01:18Let Big Balloon have it.
01:19Roger.
01:20Hey, hey, hey, let it out.
01:24Get up.
01:29Here we are.
01:30Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:32I told them never to point their guns at people when they're loaded.
01:35Yeah.
01:36Oh, Harry isn't loaded.
01:37He always looks that way.
01:38Oh.
01:39Oh, wait a minute.
01:46I forgot to tell you.
01:47I stopped and saw your family before we left.
01:50Your mother wants to be remembered.
01:52Oh, my goodness.
01:52Now, isn't that silly?
01:54I could never forget her.
01:55I've known her all my life.
01:58Oh, that is pretty silly.
01:59He's not scared.
02:01He's not in here either.
02:03Let's go tell our Gracie.
02:04Okay, Gracie, where's Uncle George?
02:07Oh, Uncle George.
02:08Oh, he's in the den typing.
02:11Why don't you run in and say hello to him?
02:13But don't disturb him.
02:14We won't.
02:15All right.
02:16Oh, aren't they cute?
02:20Well, oh, wait a minute.
02:21Uh, Blanche, come on over.
02:24Mamie's here.
02:26Say, Mamie.
02:27Hmm?
02:27Why didn't Joe come down with you?
02:29Well, he is coming later.
02:30Oh, Gracie, I've got the most wonderful news.
02:33What?
02:33We're thinking of moving down here.
02:35Oh, Mamie.
02:36Yeah.
02:37Isn't that wonderful?
02:38Children, something.
02:39Oh, Mamie.
02:40George, who's that here?
02:43George.
02:44Oh.
02:52George Burns, you should be ashamed of yourself.
02:55You didn't even say hello to Mamie.
03:01Hello, Mamie.
03:02Hello, George.
03:03Look, Mamie, I'll play with the children later.
03:06I've got to write a very important speech that I'm making tonight.
03:09Oh, of course, George.
03:10And, Gracie, I'm going into the guest room to work.
03:13See that I'm not disturbed.
03:14Oh, sure, George.
03:16Mamie, how are you?
03:18Oh, it's a good one.
03:19How are the children?
03:20They're fine.
03:21Oh, wonderful.
03:21Oh, Blanche, I have some wonderful news for you.
03:24What?
03:24Mamie's going to move down here.
03:26Isn't that exciting?
03:27Yeah.
03:27Well, as soon as I find a house and a good school.
03:30Oh, Gracie, you know, Shari's still having trouble with her spelling.
03:33Oh, really?
03:34Well, why doesn't she do what I do?
03:36If I misspell a word, I don't use it again.
03:39And that way, I never make the same mistake twice.
03:43Mamie, would you like me to help you find a place to live?
03:46I'd love it, Blanche.
03:48Could we start right now?
03:48I don't see why not.
03:49Now, wait a minute, Mamie.
03:52You know, I have a feeling that there's something we forgot to do.
03:55You got that feeling?
03:56No.
03:57Now, what could it be?
03:58Well, I feel...
03:59Where did the earth man go?
04:01The earth man?
04:02Uncle George.
04:03Oh.
04:04Oh, well, I can't tell you because if I do,
04:06you'll run right into the guest room and disturb him.
04:09Oh, wait a minute.
04:10And besides, you've already said hello to...
04:13Mamie.
04:14What?
04:14That's what we forgot to do.
04:16What?
04:17Well, you were so busy taking care of the trailer
04:19that we forgot to say hello.
04:21Oh.
04:23Welcome to Los Angeles.
04:25Oh, Mamie.
04:27Sherry, welcome to Los Angeles.
04:29And don't forget Aunt Blanche.
04:30Give her a big hug.
04:31Welcome to Los Angeles.
04:32Oh.
04:32Well, I've been a straight man all my life.
04:46I've just had my billing changed.
04:48I'm now the earth man.
04:51I love those little girls,
04:53but I'll never get that speech finished
04:54if they keep shooting me in the head with those guns.
04:56I'm used to ducking when I make a speech,
05:00but not while I'm writing one.
05:04And those toys the kids play with today.
05:08Space suits, rocket ships, atomic ray guns.
05:13You know, they're so scientific,
05:14their own fathers can't play with them.
05:15Yes, those little...
05:22The things the kids play with today,
05:24it's just simply fantastic.
05:26I'll never forget when I was a kid.
05:30I, well...
05:32Oh, yeah, I must tell you this.
05:34Before I tell you about myself,
05:35I was walking down the street
05:36and I saw these two little boys arguing.
05:39And I said, what are you arguing about?
05:41And one kid said to the other kid,
05:43he says, I bet my father can disintegrate
05:45your father.
05:47So I said, what's this fight about?
05:49And the little one who was crying,
05:51he said, we split an atom
05:53and he got the biggest piece.
05:58You know, kids nowadays are geniuses.
06:01I couldn't split an atom until I was 12.
06:06Split an atom.
06:07I had to go to night school
06:08to learn how to tie my shoe.
06:11But I did have a space suit when I was a kid.
06:13It was my father's old suit.
06:15There was enough space knit
06:20for me and my two brothers.
06:22The only game I remember playing
06:23when I was a kid was, um,
06:25Cops and Robins.
06:27Of course, in my neighborhood,
06:28we used real cops.
06:29The games the kids play today, uh,
06:33Rocket Patrol and Space Captain,
06:36I guess they get the idea
06:37from watching all these television shows.
06:40You know, to have a successful television show,
06:42you've got to have something fantastic.
06:44Something out of this world.
06:44Now, children, it's cold day,
06:47so you're going swimming where you sweaters.
06:49You know, I think I've got it.
06:57Anyway, I must...
06:58I'll get it.
07:00Oh, I'd better take my typewriter
07:02and hide upstairs in the bedroom
07:03and finish the speech.
07:04Hello?
07:08Oh, hello, Mamie.
07:11Have you and Blanche found a house?
07:14Oh, not yet, huh?
07:16Uh-huh.
07:17Oh, you're looking at one now?
07:18Well, make sure it's fireproof
07:20and then if the children burn it down,
07:22it won't be your fault.
07:24Uh-huh.
07:24Well, no, I've got everything I need, Mamie.
07:28I even made a strawberry shortcake for dessert.
07:32Uh-huh.
07:32Oh, the children are fine.
07:34Yes, yes.
07:35They're looking for the Earthman.
07:36Oh, oh, oh, I think I'm fine, Mamie.
07:44Gracie, will you call off the rocket patrol?
07:47They've shot me out of every room in the house.
07:49Now, children, you come down here.
07:52Now, children, the idea that you behave yourself
07:55and let the Earthman alone.
07:58Look, children, why don't you play in your trailer?
08:01But that's a rocket ship.
08:03Good.
08:04Why don't you fly to the moon?
08:05Now, let's fly to the moon.
08:09Jet number one.
08:13Jet number two.
08:16Jet number three.
08:19That looks like fun.
08:21Jet number four.
08:22Come back.
08:27Gracie, I'm making a...
08:28I'm making a speech for Mayor Bowron tonight,
08:30and I haven't even gotten started on it.
08:31I'm going out on the patio to work.
08:33And if those children shoot me once more,
08:35I'm going to take those guns away from them.
08:37Yeah, all right, dear.
08:38Uh-oh.
08:39There's someone at the door.
08:40Oh, no, no, wait a minute, George.
08:41It must be Mr. Douglas,
08:43the principal of our neighborhood school.
08:44I phoned him to come over.
08:46Come in.
08:47The principal?
08:49Yes, I want to see if his school is good enough
08:51for Mamie's children.
08:52Oh, I see.
08:53Hey.
08:53Oh, hi, Burnses.
08:55Oh, hello, Harry.
08:56I thought you were Mr. Douglas.
08:59Oh, no.
08:59Well, we do look a lot alike, Gracie,
09:01but I'm darker than Kirk Douglas.
09:03Kirk Douglas?
09:04George, did you hear that?
09:05I didn't know that he was the principal
09:07of a neighborhood school.
09:09I'll hang over and tell Blanche
09:10maybe we can go to night school.
09:12Bleh!
09:15I just came in, and already I'm lost.
09:18What are you doing with the typewriter?
09:20I've got to write...
09:21I've got to finish a speech
09:22for Mayor Bowron tonight,
09:23so I better go out and do it.
09:24Oh, well, I won't bother you.
09:24Oh, a speech?
09:26Yes.
09:26George, wait a minute.
09:27I've got a great opening joke
09:28for your speech.
09:29Wonderful.
09:29I can use it.
09:30Eddie Cantor told this
09:31at a dinner for Jimmy Walker
09:32when he was mayor of New York.
09:33Well, let's hear it.
09:35And you never heard a laugh
09:36in your life like this
09:37when Eddie told this joke.
09:38And you'll do it even better
09:39because you're a better comedian
09:41than Cantor.
09:42I am?
09:42Yeah.
09:43I don't work for him anymore.
09:47Let's have a joke.
09:48Well, every time I think of it,
09:52it kills me.
09:52Yeah, well, this typewriter
09:54is killing me, too,
09:55the joke area.
09:56Oh, yeah, get this, George.
09:57Now, the mayor is sitting
09:58in his office, see,
10:00and the chief of police
10:01walks in and he says,
10:02hello, your honor.
10:03He says,
10:04can you lend me $50?
10:06My wife wants to go to Cuba.
10:09So he says,
10:10why does she want to go to Cuba?
10:12Well, Harry, there's more,
10:25isn't there?
10:26Oh, sure.
10:27Well, what's the punchline?
10:28Well, I was laughing so hard
10:30I never heard it.
10:34I didn't hear the finish.
10:35Why did you laugh?
10:36Oh, that was the week
10:38I had asked Eddie for the raise.
10:39Oh, that week.
10:41I see, that same week.
10:43Blanche wasn't home.
10:44See, George,
10:45shouldn't you be working
10:45on your speech
10:46instead of standing here visiting?
10:47You're right.
10:48Come on, Harry, let's go.
10:49Well, maybe I can help you.
10:50All right.
10:51Oh, that must be
10:52Mr. Douglas now,
10:53the principal.
10:55Don't you want to meet him?
10:56No, I can't stand here
10:57any longer.
10:57This is getting heavy.
10:58Oh, well, here, George,
10:59I can give you a lift with that.
11:01Isn't that better?
11:03Better than the Joker, yes.
11:06Come in.
11:08Come in.
11:09Mrs. Burns?
11:10Yes, I...
11:12Oh.
11:21Kirk, what have they done to you?
11:24I beg your pardon?
11:26Are you sure you're Kirk Douglas?
11:28Kirk Douglas?
11:29Goodness, no.
11:30I'm Mortimer Douglas.
11:31Oh, Mrs. Burns,
11:33are you having fun with me?
11:34Well, not as much
11:35as I would have
11:36if you were Kirk.
11:37But sit down anyway
11:40and I'll take your hat.
11:42Now, Mr. Douglas,
11:44if you can convince me
11:45that you have a good school,
11:47I may have three customers for you.
11:50Customers?
11:51Well, yes.
11:52The three Kelly sisters,
11:54they are going to move down here
11:55from San Francisco.
11:56Oh, I see.
11:57Are they relatives?
11:59Well, they'd have to be
12:00if they're sisters.
12:00Yes, well,
12:04I'm sure your three,
12:05as you say,
12:06customers will like my school.
12:07Are they of grade school age?
12:09Oh, yes.
12:10And very smart,
12:12especially the youngest one.
12:13You know,
12:14she was born in 1945
12:15and already she's seven years old.
12:19Well, I'm sure
12:20we have no problem
12:21because our system here
12:24is the same as San Francisco.
12:26Oh.
12:27We may grade a little differently.
12:30May what?
12:31Grade.
12:32Here, it's A, B, C, D, F.
12:34Oh.
12:34Oh, it is different from San Francisco.
12:38There, it's G, R, A, D, E.
12:44Why don't you have them
12:45come over with their mother?
12:47Oh, that chair isn't comfortable, huh?
12:49Well, sit this in this one.
12:50This will be much better.
12:51Sit right down there.
12:52Now.
12:53Well, now, continue.
12:54Well, where were we?
12:56Well, you were sitting here
12:57and I was sitting here.
13:00I mean, what were we talking about?
13:02Oh, spelling.
13:04Oh, and by the way,
13:05you have to help
13:07the oldest Kelly girl,
13:08Shari, with her spelling.
13:10Oh, I'm sure we can help her.
13:12And can you help her
13:13with geography?
13:14Oh, yes.
13:15Oh, good.
13:16You know, she's never been able
13:16to spell it.
13:21Here, sit down in this chair.
13:23This is much better.
13:24Now, isn't that better?
13:25Well, really, Mrs. Burns,
13:26I must be going.
13:27May I have my hat?
13:28Oh, your hat?
13:29Oh, of course.
13:30Just a minute.
13:39Mrs. Burns,
13:40are the Kelly children here now?
13:42Oh, that's sweet of you,
13:44but you didn't have to do it.
13:45They've got dozens of them.
13:47Oh, look, give me that gun.
13:55Come on, I've got some work to do.
13:56In you go.
13:57Oh, you are you!
13:58Oh, Kel, Jerry!
13:59There you go.
14:00That a girl.
14:06Aren't you a little old
14:07for that sort of thing?
14:10Yeah, I guess I am.
14:12Well, Mrs. Burns,
14:13I must be running along.
14:15Oh, well, I'm so glad
14:16the Kelly children
14:17are going to your school
14:18because from what you said,
14:19it must be wonderful.
14:21It is,
14:21and I want you to know
14:22we've never had
14:23any juvenile delinquency.
14:25Oh?
14:26Well, maybe you can get some.
14:27I want the Kelly children
14:28to have everything.
14:31Oh, I'll get it.
14:32Goodbye.
14:39Just got this out of the icebox.
14:41Doesn't that look nice?
14:42I must tell you what happened.
14:44I just said to Gracie
14:46that I'll never be able
14:47to get that Mayor Barron's
14:48speech finished.
14:50And she said,
14:51you made a speech
14:51three weeks ago
14:52for Jack Benny.
14:53Why don't you use that one?
14:55So I said it wouldn't make sense
14:57because he's a tightwad.
14:59She said so was Jack Benny,
15:00so it ought to fit perfectly.
15:03Well, time is getting short.
15:05I better get on my speech.
15:06No, I'm not.
15:11Gracie!
15:12Bye.
15:12You're back.
15:14Oh, hi, George.
15:15What you doing?
15:16Speech, writing speech.
15:18I see you've returned
15:19from your travels, Gulliver.
15:21Oh, Harry.
15:22You don't have time anymore
15:23to fix dinner
15:24for your husband, huh?
15:25Did you get the note
15:26I left you?
15:26Yeah, it was delicious.
15:27I washed it down
15:28with some leftover coffee
15:29from breakfast.
15:31I went house hunting
15:32with Mamie Kelly.
15:34Well, instead of going
15:34house hunting,
15:35why don't you stay home
15:36and take care of me?
15:37Because I have
15:38the Kellys around here
15:39after all.
15:40These kids are going
15:41to keep coming in here
15:41all the time.
15:42Bang, bang, bang.
15:43I hope you're satisfied.
15:46You've driven George
15:46off his own patio.
15:48Oh, I did not.
15:49You were the one
15:49that came out here
15:50and disturbed him.
15:51I did not.
15:52You did.
15:52You were the one
15:53who was giving
15:53all the trouble out here.
15:55You kept talking
15:55and talking and talking.
15:57All I was telling you
15:58was to motivate more time
15:59George.
16:00George, tell me something.
16:01Did Harry disturb you or not?
16:02Now, just a minute.
16:02Let George speak for himself.
16:04Don't you put words
16:05into his mouth.
16:05I don't know what he was.
16:06I don't know what he was.
16:06I don't know what he was.
16:07You said he'd driven him away again.
16:09Oh, I was just going to ask him
16:10You always tell him.
16:11You talk, talk, talk.
16:13Every time he's George
16:17Just a minute, Blanche.
16:18I'll ask you.
16:18Oh, Harry Morton,
16:20you struck me.
16:25I gave you a little shove
16:26like that.
16:28You did not.
16:29You pushed me hard
16:30like that.
16:30I gave you a little shove
16:32like that.
16:33Harry hard like that.
16:35Soft like that.
16:36Harry Morton like that.
16:38I'm going into the kitchen
16:51to finish this speech.
16:53And if anybody
16:53sticks their head in there,
16:55I'm going to wrap
16:56a skillet around it.
17:04Well, are you going to come
17:05fix my dinner now
17:06or do you want to go over there
17:07and make enemies
17:08of the next door neighbors?
17:09Why, you overgrown
17:11yellow children.
17:14Ray, let's take over
17:15the moon again.
17:16Yeah.
17:18Jet number one.
17:28I can't.
17:30Why not?
17:31Jet number one
17:31is using your panties.
17:33Oh.
17:33Oh, please.
17:38Jerry, stop.
17:39Not enough.
17:40Oh, Jerry, stop.
17:42Oh.
17:43Jerry, stop.
17:44Oh, Jerry, stop.
17:45George, George.
17:46George, here, here.
17:49Here, listen up to me.
17:50Oh.
17:51Oh, Jerry.
17:56Oh, Jerry.
17:57Oh, Jerry.
17:59Hey, George, that was quick thinking.
18:10Where's George?
18:11He's in the pool, honey.
18:13Oh, George Burns, the idea of swimming with your clothes on.
18:17That's a fine example to set for those children.
18:20Now look at you.
18:21You're just soaking wet.
18:23If you're going to stay in the pool any longer, at least put on some dry clothes.
18:29You don't believe that was me who dived in the pool, huh?
18:42Matter of fact, I dived in twice.
18:45Once to rescue Jet No. 1 and once to rescue her equipment.
18:51Well, time is getting short.
18:59I've got to get on that speech again.
19:10Well, George, Mamie has taken the children out for a walk.
19:15Everything's got to be quiet.
19:17Blanche took Harry out shopping, and now you'll have time for your speech.
19:21Wonderful.
19:21What are you going to do?
19:22I'm going to answer my sister Hazel's letter.
19:25Okay, good, good.
19:26Would you like a chair and sit down?
19:31Yes.
19:32Oh, thank you, please.
19:33All right.
19:33There you are.
19:34Oh, thank you.
19:35Right there.
19:36I'll put this in.
19:37Okay.
19:40Now, here you are.
20:05All right.
20:05Why didn't you take the ink over with you?
20:32I didn't want to disturb you.
20:35I didn't want to disturb you.
21:05I didn't want to disturb you.
21:07I didn't want to disturb you.
21:12I didn't want to disturb you.
21:17I didn't want to disturb you.
21:24I didn't want to disturb you.
21:26I didn't want to disturb you.
21:31I didn't want to disturb you.
21:38I didn't want to disturb you.
21:40I didn't want to disturb you.
21:41I didn't want to disturb you.
21:42I didn't want to disturb you.
21:47I didn't want to disturb you.
21:48I didn't want to disturb you.
21:50I didn't want to disturb you.
21:54I didn't want to disturb you.
22:01I didn't want to disturb you.
22:08I didn't want to disturb you.
22:09I didn't want to disturb you.
22:11I didn't want to disturb you.
22:12I didn't want to disturb you.
22:14I didn't want to disturb you.
22:15I didn't want to disturb you.
22:16Isn't it funny?
22:17I couldn't write in there either.
22:21Oh, here's the paper.
22:22Oh, I think I'll read the paper.
22:29Oh, here's the paper.
22:31Oh, I think I'll read the paper.
22:34Oh, dear, that's a good idea.
22:35That'll keep the sun out of your eyes.
22:39Let me see.
22:40Oh, here's the apartment.
22:41Hey, George, I remembered how that guy...
22:43Oh, he's been out in the sun too long.
22:46Look at the size of that blister.
22:48I've got to talk to you.
22:49Oh, George.
22:50I want to apologize for Blanche's interrupting.
22:53Oh, I did not interrupt you.
22:55Now I've seen everything.
22:59A husband under glass.
23:01He keeps the sun out of his eyes.
23:03Look, girls, there's the earth man.
23:05Okay, we'll be on earth man.
23:08What's going on?
23:10There goes a little...
23:25Thank you very much.
23:26Gracie and I will be back again two weeks from tonight.
23:29And next week, don't forget to watch those nice people,
23:31Mary Healy and Petalyn Hayes.
23:33And, Gracie, wasn't that a nice surprise,
23:35winning the Sylvania Award?
23:36Wasn't it, though?
23:38And, oh, I've got a surprise for you.
23:40Mamie's husband is coming down to visit her tonight,
23:43and you'll have to go to the train and meet him.
23:45What about my speech?
23:46Oh, you don't have to make a speech.
23:48Just shake hands with him.
23:51Gracie, say goodnight.
23:53Goodnight.
23:53Goodnight.
23:53Goodnight.
23:54Goodnight.
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