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00:00.
00:21Come on, TV.
00:22Come on, TV.
00:24TV.
00:26Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:31I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:32In the news this week...
00:35Stephen Miller and Marco Rubio
00:37await Trump's return from Great Britain.
00:43Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 6 premieres.
00:47On every scene tonight,
00:54he's a former Republican congressman from Illinois,
00:56but now he lives on a farm upstate
00:58where he frolics with all the other retired politicians,
01:01or at least that's what my parents told me.
01:03It's Adam Kissinger.
01:06And joining Michael,
01:11she's a comedian, actress, and host of the podcast
01:14Fake the Nation, which is the kind of podcast
01:17that people actually listen to,
01:19not the one that your weird neighbor makes in the basement.
01:21It's Nageen Farsad.
01:27Now for the biggest stories of the week.
01:29Adam, Amber.
01:31Hi.
01:32I will show you video clips,
01:33and you tell me what is the story.
01:37Simple.
01:38Bald man.
01:39This little lady is pointing because she's mad at the FCC.
01:41Yeah.
01:42And you got Jimmy Kimmel.
01:44Jimmy Kimmel.
01:45This is about Jimmy Kimmel getting snatched off the air.
01:50Oh, yeah, points.
01:51You all already know what the hell that was.
01:52Yay!
01:53The story is Jimmy Kimmel Free Speech Cancer Culture,
01:56and if you want to talk about what's going on,
01:58but you also want to keep your job,
02:00here's some advice.
02:01Shut up!
02:02Shut the fuck!
02:03You're all right to take...
02:04Shut up!
02:05Will you?
02:06Shut up!
02:07Shut up!
02:08Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut, shut up!
02:10Does anyone know why ABC decided to shelve Jimmy Kimmel's show indefinitely?
02:16Those are cowards?
02:17Hang on.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:19This is the FCC.
02:20Hang on.
02:21Uh-oh.
02:22Understood.
02:23Uh, new question.
02:25Why did awful liberal Jimmy Kimmel get what he deserved?
02:31Uh, what was it that Kimmel supposedly did that got him in trouble?
02:37Ultimately, what happened is Donald Trump got his feelings hurt,
02:41and when he gets his feelings hurt, he now uses the government to get his way.
02:45His FCC commissioner made it clear that he's gonna do his bidding,
02:48and all the other late-night hosts are next, according to them.
02:52Adam, we're trying to stay on the air over here.
02:57Let's just look at the-the thing that offensive, disrespectful liberal Jimmy Kimmel did.
03:07Yeah.
03:08Let's look at the offensive thing Kimmel said.
03:10You gotta be locked up in Jim.
03:11That's the way it has to be now.
03:12Or, uh, involuntary lethal injection.
03:14Yep.
03:15Or something.
03:16Uh, just kill him.
03:17My bad.
03:18My bad.
03:19That was the wrong clip.
03:20That was Brian killing me, talking about killing homeless people.
03:23And he's still employed.
03:24Yeah, yeah.
03:25Yeah.
03:26Can we play the actual Kimmel clip?
03:27Play the actual Kimmel clip.
03:28We hit some new lows over the weekend,
03:30with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize
03:33this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them,
03:37and doing everything they can to score political points from it.
03:41Was that clip offensive?
03:43And remember, no matter how you answer, you will be fired.
03:47Things escalated quickly from there.
03:52Uh, let's go through the timeline of what went down, um, over the week on Wednesday.
03:56Uh, does anyone know what happened earlier in the day on Wednesday,
04:00before the Kimmel suspension came down the pipeline?
04:04A podcast?
04:05Brendan Carr was on, and he kinda did a little,
04:07be ashamed if something happened to your little nightly show there,
04:10or your little network, if, uh...
04:12And so, yeah, he basically was implying,
04:15gosh, ABC better take care of this,
04:17because I'd hate to use the power of the government against him.
04:19Points for Team Amber.
04:21Uh, hours before Kimmel's show was put on pause,
04:23FCC Chairman Brendan Carr was on a right-wing podcast and had this to say.
04:29I think that it's, it's, it's really sort of past time that
04:31a lot of these licensed broadcasters themselves
04:34push back on Comcast and Disney and say,
04:37listen, we are going to preempt, we are not gonna run Kimmel anymore
04:41until you straighten this out.
04:43I mean, look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
04:45Is this the easy way?
04:46Is he doing it right now?
04:48He's saying, if you don't straighten, straighten this out,
04:51and it's unclear what this is that he's referring to,
04:54the government will violate your First Amendment
04:58and pull you off the air.
04:59Uh, he didn't say it in those words,
05:01because that would be unconstitutional,
05:03but that's what happened, and that's the result.
05:06The FCC is in the licensing business because you don't want
05:09two shows on the same spectrum in the same town.
05:12It's not about content control,
05:14and it's not about taking away your First Amendment right.
05:17Right after Carr said that, uh, Nexstar,
05:19a company that owns a lot of the ABC affiliate stations,
05:22said that they were preempting Jimmy Kimmel Live immediately
05:26because of his comments on Charlie Kirk
05:28and that, quote,
05:29continuing to give Mr. Kimmel a broadcast platform
05:32in the communities we serve
05:34is simply not in the public interest at the current time.
05:37At which Carr, from the podcast earlier,
05:40then tweeted,
05:41I want to thank Nexstar for doing the right thing.
05:45Jeez, even the Sopranos are more subtle
05:47when they, like, drive people.
05:49There was one free speech warrior in the midst of all of this
05:52who's stood up for Kimmel by tweeting this online.
05:55They said, quote,
05:56political satire is one of the oldest
05:58and most important forms of free speech.
06:01That's why people in influential positions
06:03have always targeted it for censorship.
06:07Are you trying to trick us?
06:09Is it someone who's really bad?
06:11You'd think it would be somebody
06:14who hadn't yanked Jimmy Kimmel off the air.
06:18But, in fact, it's Brendan Carr.
06:22Points, points, points over there.
06:23Yes!
06:24FCC Chairman Brendan Carr, back in 2022, said that...
06:29Now, look, guys, I'm starting to feel like
06:30there's some hypocrisy going on.
06:32But has someone shown him this tweet?
06:35Maybe this whole thing is just a giant misunderstanding.
06:39I know Brendan Carr.
06:41I served on the committee that oversaw the FCC,
06:43so I knew him in his time there.
06:45And I will say this about him.
06:46He really, really wants to be liked and popular.
06:49And I think he found his way to do it in a certain community.
06:51Ever since you left politics,
06:53you talk mad shit, and I like that.
06:57I'm out of prison. It's great.
06:59You're about to be back in, though.
07:00No, I know. It feels like...
07:02What's Ted Cruz like?
07:05You worked as a Republican in this White House.
07:08Is there a way to be liked as a Republican without dirty knees?
07:16Hey, I'll say this.
07:17Look, one of my good friends was John McCain,
07:21and people got to like him because they knew...
07:24People want to know that when you're doing something,
07:26you're doing it because you actually really believe it.
07:28I think people respect that.
07:30What they don't respect is how the Republican Party
07:33has gone from a party that believed in X,
07:35and now, however many years later, the exact opposite of that.
07:38For example, constantly suing people all the time,
07:42and the Republican Party used to be against frivolous lawsuits.
07:45So, how did ABC react to the news that a major affiliate group
07:51was going to be preempting one of their more popular programs?
07:55They got together and said,
07:57yeah, we're not going to say or do shit.
08:00According to Rolling Stone,
08:02ABC Disney and affiliates held emergency meetings,
08:04and multiple execs felt that Kimmel
08:07had not actually said anything over the line,
08:11but the threat of Trump retaliation loomed,
08:14or as one ABC insider put it,
08:16they were pissing themselves all day.
08:19Yeah.
08:21Honestly, I would watch that show.
08:24Now, ultimately, ABC did decide to pull Kimmel's show.
08:28Uh, does anyone know how Brendan Carr responded
08:32when CNN Brian Seltzer reached out for comment afterwards?
08:36It was a celebratory response,
08:39not a professional response you would expect
08:41from an FCC chairman.
08:42Seltzer from CNN said our next quote,
08:45I asked FCC chairman Brendan Carr if he had any new comment
08:48now that ABC has pulled Jimmy Kimmel's show,
08:51and he sent me this gift.
08:54So, I don't understand why he would use that graphic
08:56to celebrate an ABC show being taken off the air.
09:00The Office is an NBC show.
09:03If he wanted to respond with an ABC show,
09:05this is what he should have sent.
09:07Can I do my...
09:09Uh, Sinclair Broadcaster Group also voiced their displeasure.
09:17What did Sinclair ask for from Kimmel
09:20if he wants to be back on their airwaves?
09:23He had to apologize and donate money to TPUSA,
09:29a political organization of which Jimmy Kimmel...
09:32Well, we should be clear.
09:33It's Charlie Kirk's political organization.
09:35It's not just some random organization.
09:37Good. It's for you.
09:45Understood.
09:49I'm sorry.
09:52Sinclair issued a statement on Wednesday saying,
09:54quote,
09:55suspension is not enough,
09:56and calling on Kimmel
09:57to issue a direct apology to the Kirk family.
10:00Furthermore,
10:01we asked Mr. Kimmel
10:02to make a meaningful personal donation
10:04to the Kirk family
10:05and Turning Point USA,
10:07Charlie Kirk's conservative advocacy group.
10:11They also want Jimmy Kimmel
10:12to bring back mean tweets,
10:13because that was a good bit.
10:16Here's the president in England on Thursday.
10:18Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented person.
10:21He had very bad ratings,
10:22and they should have fired him a long time ago.
10:24So, you know,
10:25you can call that free speech or not.
10:27He was fired for lack of talent.
10:29Can I ask?
10:30Can I ask a question?
10:31Why is it, ladies,
10:33that you can put foundation so much on your face
10:36and completely not blend it in
10:38to everything here and back?
10:41Isn't there a way to at least
10:42do some kind of a transition
10:44so that it doesn't look like?
10:46I keep looking at that.
10:47I'm like,
10:48is nobody telling him?
10:50Like, does it care?
10:52Adam, you know,
10:53what we should do
10:54is send him some TikTok tutorials.
10:56Because that's what...
10:57I love them!
10:58Yeah, right?
10:59And I think he could really...
11:00He could have a smoky eye by Thursday.
11:02By the time he fires Roy Wood from his job.
11:05Yay!
11:06Did the president think I'm Kenan Thompson?
11:09He don't know who I am.
11:12I'm safe, baby.
11:13So the president says that Jimmy Kimmel has no talent.
11:17And to be fair to President Trump,
11:19if anybody knows talent,
11:20that's a man who knows talent.
11:22Green Acres is the place to be.
11:26The farm living is the life for me.
11:30Land spreading out so far and wide.
11:34Keep Manhattan.
11:35Just give me that countryside.
11:37That's how you connect with rural voters, right there.
11:40You get on TV with a pitchfork.
11:42And in case there was any confusion
11:47to the Kimmel thing,
11:49the president added even more clarity
11:51to the situation a little later on.
11:53All they do is...
11:54They're not allowed to do that.
11:56They're an arm of the Democrat Party.
11:58Do you all think that's true?
11:59Do you all think late-night shows
12:00only create a place for liberal dialogue?
12:02Amber, you be over there with Seth Meyers sometimes?
12:05Is it a...
12:06Is 30 Rock just a big-ass liberal building?
12:08Yes.
12:14Now, I...
12:15Look, I'm just an acting school dropout
12:18and a former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
12:20Ooh.
12:21Okay.
12:22But it seems to me
12:23that's exactly what the First Amendment says you can do.
12:26You can say whatever you want.
12:29You can argue this 15 years ago
12:31that maybe conservatives
12:32didn't have enough voice on the media.
12:34Are you kidding me?
12:36You look at a certain 24-hour news channel,
12:39you look at all these podcasts,
12:41conservatives have as much of a voice
12:43as anybody has ever had at any point in history,
12:46but they feed on this idea
12:48that they're always oppressed.
12:50And there is nobody that's better at being a victim
12:53than the president himself.
12:54The most powerful man in the world
12:56is a victim of everything.
12:59And everybody...
13:00And it's exhausting.
13:02Well, if you went bald
13:03and had to get a hair transplant,
13:05you might be upset, too.
13:07Yeah.
13:08So far, the president has targeted CBS,
13:11The Wall Street Journal, ABC,
13:13and The New York Times.
13:14Uh, question to the panel.
13:16Do you think this is all part of an overall strategy?
13:19Yeah!
13:20No, duh, Roy!
13:21No, duh!
13:22You think that just because he's filed a bunch of lawsuits
13:26trying to silence media organizations and police
13:28who they have on the air based on their opinion,
13:30that there's an overall strategy to suppress the media?
13:34Well, this is the point, is all of this is about intimidation.
13:38Not a single one of the lawsuits that Donald Trump would ever bring would ever win.
13:43But you intimidate, you threaten corporations, and it's the same with individuals when he threatens jail with individuals,
13:49or he threatens an investigation.
13:51Now they have to defend themselves against spurious charges, and that in and of itself is the intimidation.
13:57As a comedian who's gotten, like, very many death threats and stuff like that,
14:02I would say, go back to that!
14:05I mean, like, you know what I mean?
14:07Like, instead of carting people off and firing them and whatever,
14:11go back to the garden variety, like, digital hate mail.
14:15Well, at least you know people are thinking about you.
14:21In many ways, it's flattering.
14:24What conservative came out on Friday to voice their concerns about the Kimmel situation?
14:31It was one Theodore Rafael Cruz of Texas.
14:36Uh, yes, it was Texas senator and vacation enthusiast during snowstorms.
14:41Ted Cruz!
14:43On his podcast verdict, Ted Cruz had this to say about Brendan Carr's threats towards Jimmy Kimmel.
14:50No, no, no, no, no.
14:54Look, look, I like Brendan Carr.
14:56He's a good guy.
14:57He's the chairman of the FCC.
14:58I work closely with him.
15:00But what he said there is dangerous as hell.
15:04You gotta hand it to Ted Cruz right there.
15:06No, you gotta take it right back immediately, because it's Ted Cruz.
15:09But you gotta hand it to Ted Cruz or nothing.
15:12That's one of them retweets.
15:13You're like...
15:14These are just the latest skirmishes in the battle over free speech,
15:18and that conversation has been at the forefront, of course, since Charlie Kirk's assassination.
15:24But the reason why Nexstar might be kissing up to the FCC
15:27is because Nexstar is trying to get approval for a big merger.
15:30It's $6.2 billion proposed acquisition of Tegna
15:35would create a mega company that would reach 80% of television households in the United States.
15:41Follow-up question.
15:43Have I ever heard of Tegna? No.
15:46I've never heard of Nexstar. I've never heard of Tegna.
15:48How are these, like, the most important companies in the country?
15:51I've never heard of them.
15:52Because the country is run by silent corporations
15:55who live in the shadows and don't want you to know that they're there
15:58and actually influencing all of the laws and making everything terrible.
16:02I'm sorry. I'm the host. I'm not supposed to have an opinion.
16:11Does anyone watch TV at home anymore?
16:15Like, maybe the silver lining is TV's dying anyway?
16:20Sorry. I don't know TV right now.
16:23It's not dying. You're doing the right thing.
16:27Stay seated. More have I got news. It's coming right up.
16:34I just think if the FCC allows that to go through, man,
16:37then we can just say the FCC stands for fucking clown car.
16:40Yeah.
16:42Uh-oh. Oh, shit.
16:45Hang on. Brendan Carr. Hey, what's... Hey.
16:50Okay. Yes.
16:52Uh, apparently FCC stands for fine, cool, and collected.
16:59Laugh! Fucking laugh!
17:03The thing that I think is tough is right now, you know,
17:06all of media is going through this kind of massive reconfiguration,
17:10all these consolidations, everything else.
17:12And right now, if for that, this is the absolute wrong administration
17:18to have at this specific time in media,
17:21because it's not even about will they allow monopolies or will they not?
17:25It's about are they going to profit?
17:27There is so much, you know, hands in the pot
17:30that are getting paid out of some of this stuff.
17:32And so for them to just threaten them is absolutely unreal,
17:35and it's frightening because we're going to end up coming out
17:37of this administration with the damage that's being done anyway.
17:40But on top of that, these mega, mega companies
17:43that will be tough to compete against.
17:45And despite everything, hate speech is still allowed in this country.
17:49Or as one person eloquently put it...
17:51You should be allowed to say outrageous things.
17:54You should be allowed to say contrarian things.
17:57Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.
18:07Michael, in the game, watch the clip.
18:09Tell me, what is the story?
18:12So that's the president and a guy who's not going to have his job.
18:15Oh, a Bitcoin.
18:16Okay, I know what that is.
18:17So crypto.
18:18Oh, a nice hand.
18:19A firm one.
18:20It's two white people.
18:21Very good.
18:22And money.
18:23This could be about literally anything.
18:25Everything.
18:26Yes.
18:27It's like every day.
18:28The story is the president went to England, came home,
18:32and got paid every step of the way.
18:35In other words, Trump is kind of acting like this.
18:38Hey, Mr. Wonderful here.
18:39First of all, thank you, Coco Bear, because I have a labubu.
18:42Oh!
18:43My labubu has glasses, too.
18:45Ichiwabakaramba!
18:47You ever hear something you don't know, like,
18:49which race should be offended, but, like...
18:52I don't like it when he says labubu.
18:54President Trump went to the UK, where, among other things,
18:57he talked trade with Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
19:00Question.
19:01What issue was at the top of Trump's mind
19:04when he was heading into the visit?
19:07Epstein.
19:08Oh, wait.
19:09Okay.
19:10Who did this ballroom,
19:11and can they do the one we're building in the United States?
19:14Trump's main concern
19:17was which castle he'd be sleeping in.
19:20It's the first time this has ever happened,
19:22where somebody was honored twice,
19:23so it's a great honor.
19:24And this one's at Windsor.
19:26They've never used Windsor Castle for this before.
19:28They use Buckingham Palace,
19:30and I don't want to say one's better than the other,
19:33but they say Windsor Castle is the ultimate, right?
19:35So it's gonna be nice.
19:36But basically, I'm there also on trade.
19:39This man should be on a trip 100% of the time.
19:41Oh, yeah.
19:42And each country should take its turn.
19:45Trump may have been honored to stay there,
19:48but he certainly wasn't honored by Windsor's new art installation.
19:52Anti-Trump possessors project some images on there,
19:55and what were they of?
19:56As you can probably see from some of these pictures,
19:58Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and Jeffrey Epstein.
20:03One of your goals in life should be to never have your scandals in IMAX on the side.
20:09Yeah.
20:10That's true.
20:11Of a building.
20:12That's like what the sphere is gonna follow up Oz with.
20:15Earlier this week, the president announced a quote,
20:18We have a deal on TikTok.
20:20This is the app he's wanted the U.S. to control since 2020.
20:23Question, who's the key figure at the heart of the TikTok deal?
20:27Is it, um, Larry Ellison?
20:29I don't know.
20:30Why did you say it all sexy?
20:32I...
20:33Oh, my God, that's a great question.
20:35I don't know.
20:36A key figure at the center of Trump's TikTok deal
20:38is his friend and tech CEO, Larry Ellison.
20:41Oh!
20:42Let's see a picture of Larry.
20:44Just...
20:45Ooh.
20:48Oh.
20:49They look like dude about to slap you across the face with a glove.
20:52Like...
20:53For just a few hours last week, Larry Ellison was briefly the richest person in the world,
20:59but by the end of the day, he fell back to number two like the broke bitch he is.
21:05He definitely looks like the only time he laughs is when he's rubbing his hands together.
21:10So, uh, Larry Ellison and his company Oracle are teaming up with some private equity firms
21:14to take over an 80% stake in TikTok, while China will still own 20%.
21:20Does anyone know why there's an 80-20 split and it just doesn't go 100% to an American?
21:26Did no!
21:27Because China gets to keep the algorithm and not share it with America,
21:32which is the whole reason TikTok was banned in the first place,
21:34because of China's control over the algorithm, of which they still keep.
21:38The only difference now is Donald Trump's friend has an 80% stake in TikTok.
21:42Okay.
21:43China's cool with it, and everybody's rich except us.
21:45Help me understand, what's the problem with the algorithm?
21:47They suppress certain information and bring other information forward.
21:51So does Twitter.
21:52You saw that...
21:53Yeah, but you see that, like, with a political motive.
21:55So, for instance, during the, you know, the beginning of the Israel-Gaza stuff,
21:59they were heightening a lot of the division there.
22:02And you also see it...
22:03Try to do a nice TikTok about, uh, Taiwan and see where that gets you.
22:08See how that never goes viral.
22:10And that is the Chinese Communist Party and the government playing around in U.S. domestic politics.
22:17Question.
22:18What Trump relative was in the news this week defending a different Donald deal?
22:24Jermaine.
22:27Can you imagine if there was a Jermaine Trump?
22:29There probably is. He just don't claim him.
22:33The Trump relative, uh, making money this week is, uh, Eric Trump.
22:38Huh.
22:39No, Eric Trump, the... the Nepo Beavis, as I like to call him.
22:44Oh.
22:45Uh, fun fact about Eric Trump, uh, his high school nickname was literally Chode.
22:50Yes.
22:52This week, the New York Times laid out a timeline of how an investment firm
22:55backed by the ruling family of the UAE deposited $2 billion into the Trump family's crypto company.
23:02Eric is also the public face of that company.
23:05So he went on CNBC this week where Jack Kernan didn't shy away from asking tough questions.
23:11Um, this is today, uh, Eric.
23:14Two big deals.
23:15And, and, and just, you know, I'm sure you, you hear about this all the time.
23:18You've got, um, you've got a way, uh, obviously, of, uh, of explaining that.
23:24I mean, you've thought about that when you talk to the president about this
23:27or when Don talks about some of his, uh, investments.
23:30Uh, uh, uh...
23:32Somebody got to reboot him.
23:35He sounds as nervous about losing his job as I feel about losing my job right now.
23:41Now, a lot of people are claiming foul play and they believe Trump has some dealings within the crypto company,
23:47which he shouldn't as a president.
23:48But Eric has always been on message that his dad has not run this company.
23:53Question.
23:54Question.
23:55What indication do we have that his dad might actually be involved with the company?
24:02Oh, is it just like he talks about it all the time and how much money he's making?
24:07Oh, no, it's deeper than that.
24:08It's this gold statue of Trump holding a Bitcoin that went up outside the Capitol building this week.
24:17First off, that statue looked like they spray painted a Bob's big boy.
24:21The common thread from the Fed to TikTok to Bitcoin is that Trump is getting paid.
24:29Totally.
24:30The staggering amount of corruption that someday we'll actually read about and care about.
24:35You remember Qatar gave us a $400 million jet that now the government's spending a billion dollars to upgrade?
24:42Oh, by the way, that Donald Trump gets to take with him and use after he's president of the United States?
24:47And by the way, we still need a new Air Force One, so he's going to take this little gift with him.
24:52And then what do we do for the next president who actually needs an Air Force One, which we should be building right now.
24:56You know that's not going to be a next president.
24:58That's a good point.
25:00That's a good one.
25:01More after the break.
25:14Welcome back.
25:15It's time for Lie Curious.
25:16Here's how it goes.
25:17I give you three biographical details about a public figure, but only one is the truth.
25:22You have to guess which one is true and which are hideous, nasty, funky lies.
25:27Let's get started.
25:28Time for three facts about New York City's Republican nominee for mayor Curtis Sliwa.
25:34Seen here, wondering if his friends were lying when they said, yeah, you can pull off a beret.
25:40Our facts about Curtis are, he was the world's sour pickle eating champion four years in a row.
25:47Oh, yeah.
25:48His favorite song is Taps.
25:50He claims he invented Double Dutch.
25:53Which one is the truth?
25:54Double Dutch.
25:55Oh, my God.
25:56Did you say what's Double Dutch?
25:58Yeah, I don't know.
25:59Y'all got it.
26:00We got to trade.
26:01Is this like New York thing?
26:02Trade.
26:03Trade.
26:04Trade.
26:05I want him to be the pickle eating champion.
26:07Yeah, that's that.
26:08Let's do it.
26:09And then I want to challenge him.
26:10Let's do it.
26:11The beret kind of maybe goes with Taps as his favorite song.
26:15I feel like Taps is such a weird thing.
26:18It's so weird.
26:19And he's so weird?
26:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:21I think that works.
26:22Curtis Sliwa was the world's sour pickle.
26:24No!
26:25Pickle eating champion four years in a row.
26:28In fact, there's even a photo of Sliwa competing in a pickle eating contest.
26:33Yeah, he's the one with the...
26:36Well, you know which one he is.
26:38Oh, so attractive.
26:39According to the Gothamist, he ate 3.8 pounds of pickles.
26:45Oh!
26:46I got that man beat.
26:47Disgusting.
26:48How many pickles do you eat?
26:49For breakfast, I had five.
26:51I'm not kidding.
26:52A breakfast pickle?
26:53Yes!
26:54They're yummy!
26:55Yeah.
26:56Here's the crazy thing.
26:57Competing in a pickle eating contest is maybe the least weird thing that Curtis Sliwa has
27:02done.
27:03The mayoral candidate is also famous for faking something.
27:06Does anyone know what it is that he faked?
27:10Let's say it at the same time.
27:12One, two, three.
27:13Organism!
27:14I'll give you a hint.
27:17He lied about being a victim of a crime.
27:19What crime?
27:20Oh, did he Juicy Smollett before Juicy Smollett?
27:23Oh, you said Juicy Smollett.
27:25I love that you...
27:26That's a better name.
27:27I love that you said the Dave Chappelle version of his name.
27:29I said the Dave Chappelle version!
27:31Curtis Sliwa lied about his own kidnapping.
27:34Yes!
27:35And was forced to admit it during the John Gotti trial.
27:39What?
27:40Please, please behold this perfect sentence.
27:43Quote, Curtis Sliwa faked his own kidnapping in 1980 and came clean about it when he was
27:50actually kidnapped in 1992.
27:55This guy has to be mayor now.
27:57You know, he's got my vote.
27:59Yeah.
28:00Sour pickle eating champion faked his own kidnapping and then was actually kidnapped?
28:06Yes.
28:07I'm voting for him every day of the week.
28:09Yeah.
28:10Who kidnapped him and why?
28:12That's all the information I have.
28:13Who kidnapped him?
28:14Go home and read up on Raspberry Beret and his kidnapping and get back to me.
28:25Curtis Sliwa was kidnapped and shot by gunmen allegedly hired by John Gotti and barely survived
28:33after jumping out of a moving taxi.
28:36Nice.
28:37This guy should be mayor of New York.
28:38Time for three facts about White House advisor and minion riding from the inside.
28:46Stephen Miller.
28:48Stephen Miller.
28:49Our facts are, he's an avid metal detectorist.
28:52He only eats mayonnaise.
28:55He refuses to wear a seatbelt in the car.
28:58Which one is the truth team?
29:00Michael, I'll start over here.
29:01You want to go with mayonnaise?
29:02I mean, that's where my heart is.
29:03Yeah.
29:04But I picture him also absolutely refusing to wear a seatbelt.
29:08Yes.
29:09Yeah.
29:10Let's go with seatbelt.
29:11That's great because I think he's an avid metal detectorist.
29:14Yes, he looks like one.
29:15Yes.
29:16Absolutely.
29:17Now, the only way he isn't is because they're usually out in the sun and that man has never
29:22seen the sun.
29:23Right, right, right.
29:24Also, mayonnaise doesn't do well in the sun.
29:26No.
29:27Because he's eating mayonnaise no matter what.
29:29Like, all the time.
29:30Yeah.
29:31According to Stephen Miller's wife, Katie, he only eats mayonnaise.
29:35Oh.
29:36Here's Katie Miller in a conversation with J.D. Vance about their favorite condiments.
29:42I had a buddy who used to eat french fries with mayonnaise.
29:44I thought that was disgusting.
29:45That's the only thing my husband eats?
29:46With french fries or, like, period?
29:48Period.
29:49Okay.
29:50Wow.
29:51I didn't realize.
29:52Yeah.
29:53He's only a mayonnaise guy.
29:54It also came out this summer that Donald Trump has a special pet name for Stephen Miller.
29:57Bonus question.
29:58Anybody want to guess Stephen Miller's pet name around the White House?
30:01Yes.
30:02Baby mayo.
30:03Shiny one.
30:04Bald baby.
30:05Little snake that made a wish and then turned into a human.
30:09Just...
30:10Here's Trump biographer Michael Wolff with the answer.
30:14Trump calls him Weird Stephen.
30:16Weird Stephen.
30:17Because he is weird, by the way.
30:19According to a profile this week in Rolling Stone, Stephen Miller was so disliked by his colleagues
30:25that they started a rumor about him.
30:28What was the rumor?
30:29That he's got hair everywhere else?
30:32Book, book, shots fired!
30:35We don't give a fuck over here!
30:38According to the article, Stephen Miller's colleagues claim that he, quote, liked to play
30:44with porcelain dolls.
30:45Oh, that feels so right.
30:46That's so perfect.
30:47Yes.
30:48Porcelain dolls.
30:49That's nice.
30:50I'd like to also personally thank the author of that article because it led to one of the
30:56best headlines in the history of publishing, quote, White House insists Stephen Miller does
31:01not play with dolls.
31:02Yes!
31:03This has been, like, Curious.
31:06More after the break.
31:15Welcome back to Have I Got News For You.
31:18This is the Offend-O-Meter, the index of everyone who's made people mad this week.
31:22Teams have to tell us who's the offender, what they did, and who they offended.
31:28Let's see an offender, please, on the screen.
31:31Oh, my lord!
31:34Somehow that's our FBI director.
31:36Yeah.
31:37That's his resting face, Kash Patel.
31:40Yes, that's FBI Director Kash Patel.
31:42Who did Kash Patel offend?
31:44Well, he had his congressional hearing.
31:46Yes, he did.
31:47And he yelled at everybody, and everybody yelled at him.
31:49He yelled at Cory Booker.
31:50Mm-hmm.
31:51Eric Swalwell.
31:52Indeed.
31:53Yeah, and at Janet.
31:54He yelled at everybody.
31:55Mm-hmm.
31:56He testified in front of the House Judiciary Committee.
31:59Here he is throwing a tantrum in the general direction of Congressman Eric Swalwell.
32:03And all Swalwell did was ask him a simple yes or no question.
32:08Did you ever tell the Attorney General that Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files?
32:13The Attorney General and I have had numerous discussions about the entirety of the Epstein files
32:17and the reviews conducted by our team.
32:19The question is simple.
32:20The question is simple.
32:21Who can be?
32:22Did you tell the Attorney General that Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files?
32:26Yes or no?
32:27Why don't you try spelling it out?
32:28Yes or no, Director?
32:29Use the alphabet.
32:30Yes or no?
32:31No?
32:32A, B, C, D, E, F?
32:33Don't want to do it?
32:34It sounds like you don't want to tell us.
32:35Here's a tip.
32:36If you ask somebody a yes or no question, they go, A, B, C, D, E, F?
32:40They don't know the answer.
32:41Can I make a serious point?
32:43Like, the...
32:44I served in Congress 12 years.
32:46We know.
32:47And, uh...
32:49Thank you for your service!
32:55I never could ever imagine a witness of any stature talking back to a Senator
33:03or even House member in my time in Congress.
33:06When the FBI director, not even a cabinet position, comes in and talks down to sitting
33:11members of the House and Senate like that, he has no respect for the separation of powers.
33:15Absolutely the wrong person for that job.
33:18It's offensive.
33:20How do we make sense of this?
33:23It was all a performance for Donald Trump.
33:26And Donald Trump loved it.
33:27That's all he needed to do.
33:28Also, everyone's, like, doing bits for TikTok clips.
33:33Everything is just a clip now, as opposed to, like, getting anything done.
33:38It's wild.
33:39Here's what I don't understand.
33:40You're saying they're doing that for TikTok?
33:42Just for clips?
33:43Uh-uh.
33:47Adam, if Jamie's confirmation here, somebody comes in, sits down, and just ball-faced lies.
33:52Yeah.
33:53Why can't Congress then do something about that?
33:57They can, but they don't, because the Senate now is basically, here's a history lesson,
34:04the end of the Roman Empire.
34:06The Senate basically existed.
34:07Oh, Jesus Christ.
34:09No, but they don't.
34:10All they care about is making Trump happy.
34:12So that's why Bill Cassidy, you know, can say, I'm very concerned about RFK and his stance
34:17on vaccines, but he promised me he wouldn't ban him.
34:19I'm gonna approve him.
34:20And then, all of a sudden, he's doing this, and it's like, well, there's nothing we can do.
34:24Yeah, there is.
34:25If you cut their funding off, you can impeach them if they lie to you.
34:28But they don't.
34:29They should.
34:30They should.
34:32Let's see your offender.
34:33Who's this offender?
34:34That's Ol' Chode.
34:36Yeah.
34:37That's the five-year boy right there.
34:40Who did Ol' Chode offend this week?
34:42Certainly the Lord.
34:44This week, Eric Trump offended none other than Eric Trump.
34:50Oh.
34:51Here he is on Fox & Friends speaking about his family's relationship to Charlie Kirk.
34:55He became, obviously, dear friends of Don's.
34:57He became, you know, that's right, probably a second son to my father.
35:03Let's play that again.
35:05He became, you know, that's right, probably a second son to my father.
35:08Now, understand what he's trying to say.
35:09Wow.
35:10He's trying to say that Charlie Kirk is like a son to his father, and that's how much
35:13in their relationship.
35:14Okay, fine, cool.
35:15But Donald Trump already has a second son.
35:18He's got a third son.
35:19In fact, he's got three of them, yeah.
35:20But do you know who his second son is?
35:21Well, Eric Trump.
35:22He's this Chode!
35:23He's trying to say, like a son, but he said, like a second son is like, you demoting yourself.
35:33That's so much sadder than anything I have ever said on this show.
35:36Oh, I can top it.
35:38Roll the clip.
35:39I had an older Jamaican guy, probably 75 years old, in very broken English, come up to
35:43me yesterday, and he goes, you know, Mr. Trump, I'm so sorry to hear about Charlie.
35:46He goes, I was, I am Charlie Kirk.
35:49I knew he was lying when he said somebody came up to him.
35:52So, wait, he said a Jamaican guy came up to him in broken English?
35:57Do the accent.
36:00Adam!
36:02Who am I, Chet Hanks?
36:04Absolutely.
36:05You can do the accent.
36:06I can't do the accent.
36:07Oh, no, man.
36:08We never do nothing but respect to me Jamaican brethren.
36:14That was Offender Meter.
36:19Welcome back.
36:22It's time for Missing Words.
36:26Here's your headline.
36:27Blank Rocked by Cheating Scandal.
36:30Spelling Bee.
36:31Chess.
36:32Scrabble.
36:33Spelling Bee.
36:34Scrabble.
36:35Curling.
36:36Competitive Scrabble.
36:37Competitive Chess.
36:38Competitive Spelling Bee.
36:39Competitive Style.
36:40Stop.
36:41You're all wrong.
36:42Double Dutch.
36:43Stone Skimming Championship Rocked by Cheating Scandal.
36:47How?
36:48Apparently, skipping stones across bodies of water is a very serious sport in Scotland.
36:53Mm-hmm.
36:54You know, you take them flat stones, and you stick them up, up, up, up.
36:55Uh-huh.
36:56But in the world of stone skimming, the championships in Easdale, it was discovered that some of the
37:08had been deploying stones that had their rough edges filed off.
37:12Son of a bitch.
37:13Give it a little bit more aerodynamic skippity-skip.
37:16It's like the stone was doing steroids.
37:18Oh.
37:19Yeah.
37:20Now, it's a very difficult story to follow because it's a sport we're not familiar with here in the state.
37:27So, since we're a little confused about what's going on, here's a local who explains it perfect for us.
37:33The championships are held on Easdale Island in a flooded slate quarry.
37:36Easdale is one of the slate islands which earned her name, as you might have guessed, due to the slate that they used to quarry there.
37:41Easdale has no cars and is only accessible via boats.
37:44Before long, it was my turn to stone on the skim of destiny.
37:47I started very strong before quickly feeling miserably with my two other stones.
37:50Knowing I had any one, I drowned my sorrows in the puffer caffeine.
37:54Couldn't have said it better myself.
37:57Perfect.
37:58Uh, here's your headline.
38:00Australia approves world's first blank for koalas.
38:05Jail.
38:07That'd be cool.
38:08Yeah.
38:09Yo, koalas are kind of assholes.
38:10Mm-hmm.
38:11I'm gonna go the other way because I believe in the innate goodness of all creatures.
38:17Australia approves world's first public school for koalas.
38:21Let's get them out of that jail pipeline.
38:24Let's get them into school, give them some programs, maybe some after-school basketball.
38:29I think this could work out great for koalas.
38:31They just need somebody to believe in them.
38:33Yes.
38:34Right, right.
38:35I was gonna say, because they are known to be jerks, that it would be like Australia approves world's first, like, anger management program for koalas.
38:45Hmm.
38:46Australia approves world's first chlamydia vaccine for koalas.
38:51Yay!
38:52Nice.
38:53Definitely wasn't going that way.
38:54It is a huge problem.
38:55Apparently, in Australia, those koalas are up there road-dogging in the leaves.
39:00Apparently, koalas are, quote, at risk for infertility and death due to widespread chlamydia infections.
39:10Oh.
39:11Yes.
39:12Australia known for all the STDs.
39:13You got the koala, chlamydia, you got kangaria.
39:17And, of course, you have good dates.
39:21Oh!
39:22Oh!
39:23Oh!
39:24Oh!
39:25Oh!
39:26Oh!
39:27Oh!
39:28Oh, my God!
39:29That's the funniest one yet.
39:31Today?
39:32No.
39:33No.
39:34Be nice.
39:35That's missing words.
39:36More after the break.
39:44Welcome back.
39:45It's time for Witch's Hire.
39:46I'll give you two unrelated numbers from the news.
39:49You tell me, which is higher?
39:52One of the year's most talked-about movies was Amazon Prime's War of the Worlds, starring Ice Cube.
39:58Roger Ebert.com described it as, quote,
40:02Ew.
40:04Which brings us to the question, which is higher?
40:07The number of days it took to film Amazon's War of the Worlds or the Rotten Tomatoes score?
40:16Ooh.
40:17Ooh.
40:18In my experience, shooting a major feature film can often take three, four months.
40:22No, but this movie was pretty much all Zoom and FaceTime.
40:25Is that true?
40:26Yeah, Ice Cube was at a computer the whole movie.
40:28What?
40:29This shit took nine days to film.
40:33The Rotten Tomatoes score?
40:34That was 11.
40:3611.
40:37The answer.
40:38According to producers, the number of days it took to film War of the Worlds was 15 days.
40:43Okay.
40:44What?
40:45And the current Rotten Tomatoes score for 2025's War of the Worlds is 4%.
40:50Wow.
40:51Wow.
40:52Wow.
40:53Wow.
40:54It was filmed in 15 days during the pandemic, and it all takes place, you know, on Ice Cube's
40:59computer screens, calling, talking to people, which means most of the movie scenes is basically
41:04this.
41:05Dave, get out of there now!
41:06Dave!
41:07It's on!
41:08No!
41:09No!
41:10And then Ice Cube looked in the camera and said, today was a bad day.
41:19That was Witch's Hire.
41:21I want to thank our guests, former representative Adam Kinzinger and Mageem Persat.
41:25And, of course, thank you to our team captains, Amber Ruffin and Michael Ian Black.
41:32Before we sign off, here are a few more stories we're watching.
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