- 2 days ago
A tiny, impoverished European nation declares war on the United States of America, planning to lose in order to collect post-war compensation, but things don't go according to plan.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:30The End
00:01:00The End
00:01:30Ladies and gentlemen, for reasons you will soon understand, the makers of this motion picture ask you not to divulge what you are now about to see to any living person. Thank you.
00:01:43We take you now to the independent duchy of Grand Fenwick, the smallest country on the face of the globe.
00:01:50This tiny but prosperous nation, which occupies a total area of 15 and three quarters square miles, lies high in the French Alps.
00:01:57Somewhere along...
00:01:59I beg your pardon.
00:02:05Somewhere along...
00:02:07Oh, yes. Here.
00:02:11Grand Fenwick was founded in the year 1430 by Sir Roger Fenwick, a poor but honest British baronet, who, as he later said, took a fancy to the neighbourhood and moved in.
00:02:19Thus, thanks to Sir Roger, Fenwick is the only English-speaking country in Europe.
00:02:31Modern Fenwick is ruled by the Duchess, Gloriana XII, who is a direct descendant of Sir Roger and is beloved by all her subjects.
00:02:37Although still in mourning for her departed consort, Count Leopold of Bosnia-Herzegovina, who disappeared during a tiger hunt 27 years ago, the Duchess takes an active interest in her country's welfare.
00:02:50Fenwick's Parliament.
00:02:52Here is the hereditary Prime Minister, Count Rupert of Mountjoy, a graduate of both Oxford and Cambridge.
00:02:57Fenwick's Forest.
00:03:00Here in these sheltered glades, the welfare of his feathered and furry folk is watched over by Fenwick's hereditary forest ranger, Tully Bascombe.
00:03:19Fenwick's Army.
00:03:21Although Fenwick has been at peace for 500 years, the longbow remains the national weapon.
00:03:25Here the army exercises under the guidance of Tully Bascombe, who is also hereditary Field Marshal and Grand Constable of the Armed Forces.
00:03:34Aim!
00:03:38Fire!
00:03:48If many Fenwickians seem to resemble each other, this may perhaps be ascribed to the influence of the Founder, who was in every possible way the Father of the King.
00:03:55Fenwick's prosperity is based on its only export, Pinot Grand Fenwick, a small but sturdy local wine with a virile but friendly bouquet.
00:04:06For some obscure reason, the United States has always been the major market for this wine.
00:04:10Thus, secure in its prosperity and invigorated by its high alpine climate, Fenwick has always been a happy country.
00:04:19However, in 1959, a California wine grower bottled an imitation of Pinot Grand Fenwick and called it Pinot Grand Enwick.
00:04:35Backed by a vast advertising campaign and sold at a lower price, this imitation soon drove Pinot Grand Fenwick out of the American market.
00:04:45As a result, in a very short time, the Duchy of Grand Fenwick was in a state of absolute crisis.
00:04:51One fateful day...
00:04:52Gentlemen!
00:04:53Gentlemen!
00:04:54Gentlemen!
00:04:55Pray silence!
00:04:56Gentlemen!
00:04:57You made me drop a stitch.
00:04:58Your pardon, Your Grace.
00:04:59Has the Prime Minister never thought of sending a protest to the United States about this Californian fellow and his imitation wine?
00:05:04My dear chap, I have sent not one protest but three.
00:05:05Mind you, the situation is complicated by the fact that we have never officially recognized the United States,
00:05:07so we've had to send all our protests through Monte Carlo.
00:05:08The sad truth is that each of these group very least of the standing positions helmists win for the U.S.
00:05:10You made me drop a stitch.
00:05:13Your pardon, Your Grace.
00:05:15Has the Prime Minister never thought of sending a protest to the United States
00:05:18about this Californian fellow and his imitation wine?
00:05:21My dear chap, I have sent not one protest, but three.
00:05:24Mind you, the situation is complicated by the fact that
00:05:27we have never officially recognized the United States.
00:05:30So we've had to send all our protests through Monte Carlo.
00:05:32The sad truth is that each of these protests have been ignored.
00:05:37Until today, when I received this.
00:05:39What is it, Bobo?
00:05:41A pamphlet from their Department of Agriculture on how to grow grapes for wine.
00:05:45But if that goes on, we'll be bankrupt.
00:05:47My friend, we are bankrupt.
00:05:48As of today, we are living on petty cash.
00:05:51Good heavens, if only poor Leopold were alive today.
00:05:59Your Grace, gentlemen,
00:06:02our situation is indeed desperate.
00:06:05We stand poised on the brink of disaster.
00:06:07There is only one way out.
00:06:10War.
00:06:10We must declare war on the United States.
00:06:14But we can never win such a war.
00:06:16Of course not.
00:06:17But we could win the peace.
00:06:19I've given this a lot of thought, gentlemen,
00:06:21and I'm perfectly positive I am right.
00:06:23You must remember,
00:06:25the Americans are a very strange people.
00:06:27Whereas other countries rarely forgive anything,
00:06:29the Americans forgive everything.
00:06:31There isn't a more profitable undertaking for any country
00:06:35than to declare war on the United States and to be defeated.
00:06:38True, true.
00:06:40No sooner is the aggressor defeated
00:06:41than the Americans pour in food, machinery, clothing, technical aid
00:06:45and lots and lots of money for the relief of its former enemies.
00:06:49In other words, gentlemen, in effect,
00:06:51we declare war on Monday,
00:06:52we are defeated on Tuesday,
00:06:54and by Friday we will be rehabilitated beyond our wildest dreams.
00:06:57Yes, but is that honest, Bobo?
00:06:59No, not really.
00:07:01But it's terribly practical.
00:07:03And infallible, too.
00:07:05I give you my word, your grace,
00:07:06it will solve all our problems.
00:07:09But we have no army!
00:07:11Oh, pish posh, who needs an army?
00:07:12Twenty men or so would be quite sufficient.
00:07:14Oh, and who's going to lead them?
00:07:15Tully Bascom, of course.
00:07:16He's our hereditary field marshal and grand constable.
00:07:19Tully?
00:07:20No, not Tully.
00:07:21He's a very nice boy,
00:07:23but he's never been any good at games.
00:07:26Exactly.
00:07:27You can't send Tully on a mission like this!
00:07:29He's got fallen arches, flat feet,
00:07:32sinus, migraine, claustrophobia, and high blood pressure.
00:07:35Apart from being near-sighted and getting dizzy in our places.
00:07:38We are not asking him to climb the Alps, you know.
00:07:41All Tully has to do is to get the men over there.
00:07:44Once they try to land in New York without visas,
00:07:46they will be arrested.
00:07:48And that's all there is to it, really.
00:07:51I don't want anyone hurt.
00:07:53Of course not, your grace.
00:07:55I'll tell Tully to be very careful.
00:07:56Besides, we can send Will Buckley with him.
00:07:59Buckley was a sergeant in the British Army in the other war.
00:08:02He can act as interpreter.
00:08:04Well, gentlemen, there's only one way.
00:08:07We have but one choice.
00:08:10Bankruptcy or prosperity.
00:08:12Which will it be?
00:08:12I move we declare war on the United States of America.
00:08:17As leader of the party of the common man,
00:08:19I say that war is reprehensible,
00:08:22barbaric, unforgivable, and unthinkable.
00:08:24And I second the motion.
00:08:26Right!
00:08:26Well, we're at war with America.
00:08:37Well done, sir.
00:08:38An historic moment.
00:08:40And a profitable one, too, I hope.
00:08:43Will, take this down to the post office
00:08:46and get it into the post immediately, will you?
00:08:48Certainly, sir.
00:08:51Oh, and Will,
00:08:52you'd better put a special delivery stamp on it.
00:08:54At once, sir.
00:08:55My friend,
00:08:59the die is cast.
00:09:00But our cause is just.
00:09:01There is a time and tie.
00:09:02To be or not to be?
00:09:03That is the question.
00:09:03Nothing venture, nothing gain.
00:09:04Our country, right or wrong?
00:09:06Right.
00:09:07We'll drink to that.
00:09:10To our glorious defeat.
00:09:19Oh, Tully.
00:09:21Yes?
00:09:21What do you want?
00:09:22Well, sir, it's about this war.
00:09:24I'd sooner not go,
00:09:25if you know what I mean.
00:09:27I don't know what you mean, Tully.
00:09:29And I'm surprised at you.
00:09:30You know how badly we need the money.
00:09:32Yes, I know, sir.
00:09:33But I don't like to leave the forest just now.
00:09:35It's the mating season.
00:09:37Tully!
00:09:37This thing is bigger than the mating season.
00:09:40This is your country calling.
00:09:41Yes.
00:09:42Yes.
00:09:42Now, run along, Tully,
00:09:44and get your army together.
00:09:45All right, sir.
00:09:46And don't do anything
00:09:47to make the Americans angry with you.
00:09:49I'll be careful, sir.
00:09:50Oh, come, come, Tully.
00:09:51Look here.
00:09:51I enjoy every moment of it.
00:09:53It's great sport.
00:09:53Besides the ocean voyage
00:09:55to wonders for you.
00:09:56I get seasick, sir.
00:09:58My dear fellow,
00:09:59with their new stabilizers
00:10:00and all that sort of rigmarole,
00:10:02the modern ocean line
00:10:03is as steady as a rowboat.
00:10:04I get seasick in rowboats, sir.
00:10:06Tully, please.
00:10:07Well, there you are.
00:10:19Pretty good turnout.
00:10:20Yes.
00:10:21I shouldn't think they'll want to go well,
00:10:22not with the harvest coming up.
00:10:24I expect I shall have to appeal
00:10:26to their sense of patriotism.
00:10:29Men of Fenwick,
00:10:30do you love your country?
00:10:33Yes!
00:10:34When you hear the name of Grand Fenwick,
00:10:35do your hearts swell with pride?
00:10:37Yes!
00:10:38And if your country calls,
00:10:39will you rush to enlist?
00:10:40No!
00:10:41Oh.
00:10:43I don't think I'm very good at this, Will.
00:10:46Better leave it to me.
00:10:47Yes.
00:10:48Now, men,
00:10:49I want 20 volunteers.
00:10:54All the air!
00:10:55All the big lakes!
00:10:56At the devil!
00:10:58And stand still!
00:11:00Well, men,
00:11:01here is the situation.
00:11:02We're at war.
00:11:03We're going to invade
00:11:06the United States of America.
00:11:07Goal out, mate!
00:11:08Now, if you'll let me explain
00:11:09how this situation...
00:11:10I told you,
00:11:12with the harvest coming up,
00:11:13they wouldn't want to go.
00:11:14May I give them harvest?
00:11:16Hold it, hold it!
00:11:17All the air!
00:11:17All the air!
00:11:17All the air!
00:11:19All the air!
00:11:21All the air!
00:11:22All the air!
00:11:23All the air!
00:11:24All the air!
00:11:25All the air!
00:11:26All the air!
00:11:27All the air!
00:11:28All the air!
00:11:29All the air!
00:11:30All the air!
00:11:31All the air!
00:11:32All the air!
00:11:35Men of Grand Fenwick, have no fear.
00:12:01Providence will smile upon you because your cause is just.
00:12:06I know that you will all uphold the honor of your country.
00:12:10And let it cheer your hearts to know that your government has managed the money for your return fair home, if necessary.
00:12:23Bless you all!
00:12:24Right, man, not bad!
00:12:29Coming in! Right, punch!
00:12:33Right, on the right, clear, march! Right for you!
00:12:37Right for you!
00:12:49I do hope the Americans are kind of them.
00:12:52They're a fine, fine monument.
00:12:54And the best investment this country ever made.
00:13:02Right for you!
00:13:07The Genevieve is, much better!
00:13:09Go, go, go!
00:13:10Go, go!
00:13:11Go, go, go!
00:13:12Go, go, go!
00:13:17Come on!
00:13:19Go, go, go!
00:13:20Come on!
00:13:22Come on!
00:13:23Come on.
00:13:53Come on.
00:14:23Come on.
00:14:53The state of war exists between Grand Fenwick and the United States.
00:14:57Oh, those boys in the press room.
00:15:01Always making them with the jokes.
00:15:02The state of war exists between Grand Fenwick and the United States.
00:15:10The state of war exists between Grand Fenwick and the United States.
00:15:12The state of war.
00:15:17The state of war exists between the United States.
00:15:20The state of war exists between Grand Fenwick and the United States.
00:15:26Dead right! Dead right! Dead right! Dead! Dead right!
00:15:45I think I'll go up on deck, Will.
00:15:47You are up on deck.
00:15:48Oh.
00:15:50Why don't you go below if you feel seasick, Will?
00:15:52I'll be all right.
00:15:55Uh, Will. Well.
00:15:58Uh, tell the men.
00:16:02I think I'd like to be alone.
00:16:24Listen to this, sir.
00:16:34The President of the United States has announced the practice air raid alert, which will affect the entire east coast of the country.
00:16:44Ships will be forbidden entry into any port until the alert is over.
00:16:48When does it start?
00:16:50In less than an hour, sir.
00:16:51New York, completely deserted.
00:16:52That should be quite a sight.
00:16:53It's because of this new bomb they're working on it about.
00:16:54That's it, sir.
00:16:55The Q-bomb, they call it.
00:16:56They say it'll make the H-bomb look like a firecracker.
00:16:58Hmm.
00:16:59It'll never replace the British Navy, Tompkins.
00:17:00Oh, no, sir.
00:17:01Look, sir!
00:17:02Look, sir!
00:17:03Look, sir!
00:17:04The Queen Elizabeth!
00:17:05Look, sir!
00:17:06The Queen Elizabeth!
00:17:07Look, sir!
00:17:08Look, sir!
00:17:09Look, sir!
00:17:10The Queen Elizabeth!
00:17:11Are you in touch with me?
00:17:12Yes, sir!
00:17:13Yes, sir!
00:17:14No!
00:17:15He's in touch with me!
00:17:16I've never replaced the British Navy, Tompkins!
00:17:18Well, I don't understand.
00:17:20It'd never replace the British Navy, Tompkins.
00:17:21Oh, no, sir.
00:17:24Look, sir!
00:17:25Look, sir!
00:17:26The Queen Elizabeth!
00:17:27The Queen!
00:17:29Oh, no, sir!
00:17:32What are you doing down there turn about the port of New York's closed you hear me the port's closed
00:17:52what's the matter with them stay away from what are you playing at this is dangerous stop but
00:18:09but at war sergeant not with everybody
00:18:22that's funny i can't see anybody
00:18:41looks deserted yes that's what i mean it doesn't seem to be
00:18:51anyone around we can surrender to
00:18:56there's nothing moving well no boats or anything
00:19:00it's a day sunday no it's monday we'd better check with the skipper
00:19:04yeah yeah
00:19:08there it is the land of the enemy it's big the bigger they are the harder they fall
00:19:12are you crazy don't you know we're supposed to lose the war
00:19:15well no one told me there's 175 million people in the united states
00:19:20yeah but there's only 10 million in new york we'll outsmart them that's all
00:19:27it's impossible where is the health department customs immigration
00:19:34we were just wondering the same thing
00:19:36yeah but it is very peculiar
00:19:38hey see that big building
00:19:40well well i saw it first it's mine
00:19:45at the table at the table
00:19:50now then men please make sure you've got your passports and health certificates handy
00:19:55sir
00:19:56well what is it
00:19:57the invasion map sir
00:19:59the invasion map sir
00:20:00the invasion map sir
00:20:01the invasion map sir
00:20:06yeah
00:20:09yeah
00:20:13yeah
00:20:14yeah
00:20:16yeah
00:20:19yeah
00:21:26Capture us.
00:21:27Where is everybody?
00:21:29Maybe it's a holiday.
00:21:39Why don't they come out and fight?
00:21:41Fight?
00:21:42I know.
00:21:42They've declared New York an open city.
00:21:44I think we should go back to the ship and wait.
00:21:46Wait?
00:21:46Wait for what?
00:21:47Just wait.
00:21:48Oh, come on.
00:21:50It's you.
00:22:18You may have got rusty in the rain.
00:22:30Germ warfare.
00:22:32Since when have there been sticky germs?
00:22:35Chewing gum.
00:22:36Germ warfare.
00:22:37Why don't we storm the buildings, just for a start?
00:22:39No, let's keep going.
00:22:40We're sure to find somebody.
00:22:41Come on.
00:23:00Hey, look, sir.
00:23:01That's where they all are.
00:23:05Underground.
00:23:06Cowards.
00:23:07Hey, you down there.
00:23:08Why don't you come up and fight?
00:23:10Don't.
00:23:10You'll make them angry.
00:23:11Here, Marshal.
00:23:13Look at this.
00:23:16It's an air raid drill.
00:23:18Everybody's underground.
00:23:19Maybe we should go underground, too.
00:23:21We can surrender when it's all over.
00:23:23Air raid drill today.
00:23:24The president today announced development of plans for a new bomb infinitely more powerful
00:23:28than the H-bomb and capable of devastating an area of two million square miles.
00:23:34Designed by the noted scientist Dr. Elfrig Kokins of the New York Institute of Advanced Physics.
00:23:38A prototype of the new bomb is expected to be a reality in a matter of weeks.
00:23:42Give me the map.
00:23:43Maybe you were right.
00:23:44Maybe we should wait at the ship.
00:23:46No, no.
00:23:46We must get off the streets now.
00:23:48After all, we are guests here.
00:23:49We don't want to spoil their air raid drill.
00:23:51Ah, yes.
00:23:51There's the arsenal.
00:23:52That's on 64th Street and 5th Avenue.
00:23:55We can cut through this central park over there.
00:23:58All right, men.
00:23:59All in favor of going over there right away and surrendering, say aye.
00:24:01Aye.
00:24:02You're a fine, disciplined body of men.
00:24:04Let's go.
00:24:06Come on.
00:24:06What are you doing up here anyway?
00:24:07But all I wanted was some cigarettes.
00:24:09Oh, borrow one.
00:24:10Okay, give me one.
00:24:12Yeah.
00:24:13Thanks.
00:24:13All right.
00:24:13Now, come on.
00:24:14Get going.
00:24:14Don't let me get you up here again, eh?
00:24:17Good thing this is not real air raid.
00:24:19Some people just want to get killed.
00:24:20They just want to get killed.
00:24:23Look at that.
00:24:25Decontamination spot.
00:24:27Boy, that's the job I wanted.
00:24:28No walking.
00:24:29Yeah.
00:24:37Hairpin, please.
00:24:39I don't have any, Papa.
00:24:40Well, a bobby pin, then.
00:24:42I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any, I don't have any
00:25:12Because of you, Papa. Because of you and this bomb of yours.
00:25:16Yeah, I see.
00:25:17I wonder what they would think if they knew about my little working model.
00:25:21I think that they would all be very afraid.
00:25:25I'm glad that warning apparatus works.
00:25:27Of course.
00:25:31Come on, Papa, please.
00:25:33Yes, for how long?
00:25:34It could be some time. They want people to get used to long alerts.
00:25:37Then I will have to remove the detonator to make it harmless.
00:25:39It's very sensitive. It can go off like, like, like, like.
00:25:42Are you sure you haven't got a hairpin?
00:25:45Hey, what's going on here? Why aren't you two in the air raid shelter?
00:25:48What's the big idea?
00:25:49What's the idea of coming into this lab without knocking?
00:25:51Look, sister, this is an alert. So let's be alert. Come on, out, out, out.
00:25:55Look, you'll get out if you know what's good for you.
00:25:57Are you kidding? Now you two can go peaceable or I can drag you out.
00:26:00So which is it going to be?
00:26:01Hey, what are we doing? Playing games here? Come along, Pa.
00:26:04Don't you know that's Dr. Kokens?
00:26:06Kokens? Smokens? Who cares?
00:26:08Come on, let's get going. Wait a minute.
00:26:12Kokens? You mean the fellow with the Q-bomb?
00:26:15That's right. No kidding. No kidding.
00:26:17Hi, Doc. How do you do?
00:26:20Hey, this is it, huh?
00:26:22That's it. But it's a secret.
00:26:25Now, do you mind leaving us alone? My father wants to disconnect it.
00:26:28What? You mean it's connected?
00:26:30It sure is. And what's more, it's on a hair trigger. So please don't slam the door on the way out.
00:26:35Yeah, sure. Okay. See you later, Doc.
00:26:39Yes, goodbye.
00:26:40Hey, why isn't he in Oak Ridge with the rest of the scientists?
00:26:44He's eccentric. He likes to work alone.
00:26:47But I thought this thing was only in the planning stage.
00:26:49It was. This is his first working model. He wants to surprise everybody.
00:26:53Great sense of humor. Oh, one more question. Why is it so different from an H-bomb?
00:26:59The H-bomb? This new bomb is based on crudium, which is 100 times more powerful than hydrogen.
00:27:07In fact, my father uses an H-bomb just to trigger this one off. It could probably blow up all of North America.
00:27:12Yeah, and some of South America also.
00:27:14Any more questions?
00:27:16Yeah, where do you have to go to be safe?
00:27:18No, that is a difficult question. Carbon-14, you understand?
00:27:22Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, that's a dangerous thing you've got there.
00:27:25Yes, it is. Let's just hope it'll never be used.
00:27:28That's a nice thought. I feel better already.
00:27:38Now, you really must try to be more careful. Goodbye.
00:27:43Just a minute. You haven't had anything to eat since yesterday, Papa.
00:27:46How about asking this man to bring us some sandwiches?
00:27:48Look, I've got an awful lot of things to do.
00:27:50Oh, now you wouldn't want my father's hands to shake from hunger, would you?
00:27:53What kind? Cheese? Chopped liver?
00:27:55Chopped liver?
00:27:56With a pickle, please.
00:27:57With a pickle.
00:27:58With a pickle.
00:28:27You know, I can't understand it. According to the map, we're supposed to be taking a shortcut.
00:28:35I'm tired.
00:28:36Oh, chin up, Copley. Perhaps when we get to the arsenal, we'll give us a nice cup of tea.
00:28:40Well, someone's left the engine running.
00:28:42Maybe we can get a lift. Yeah.
00:28:52Hey!
00:28:53What's the matter?
00:28:54There's some guys hanging around the truck.
00:28:56Air raid wardens?
00:28:57No, these are funny looking guys.
00:28:58What do you mean funny looking?
00:28:59I mean funny looking.
00:29:00Like fish.
00:29:01Who are you kidding? What do you mean like fish?
00:29:04They got scales.
00:29:05Where?
00:29:06All over them.
00:29:07Mulligan, are you sick of something?
00:29:08Men from outer space.
00:29:09They're off a flying saucer. Off of Sputnik.
00:29:10Oh, look. They've seen us.
00:29:11Let's get out of here.
00:29:12Men from outer space.
00:29:13They're off a flying saucer. Off of Sputnik.
00:29:14Oh, look. They've seen us.
00:29:15Let's get out of here.
00:29:16Men from outer space.
00:29:17They're off a flying saucer.
00:29:18They're off a flying saucer.
00:29:19They're off a flying saucer.
00:29:20They're off a flying saucer.
00:29:21Great country. I'm getting out of the suit.
00:29:22Me too.
00:29:23Don't shoot. We'll get into trouble.
00:29:24Hold it. They're not from outer space. They're Americans. They probably belong to this
00:29:40truck.
00:29:41Let's go after them. Tell them we're sorry.
00:29:43No, it's too late. Let's go and surrender before we get in any more trouble. Come on.
00:29:46Now, just a minute. We shouldn't leave this truck with the engine running, should we?
00:29:49We'll turn it in. That'll make them happy.
00:29:51All right, men. Into the truck. We'll ride to the arsenal. Come on.
00:29:57You wait here. I'll get to a phone to call special reports.
00:29:59Yeah, right.
00:30:10Okay, you. Come on down the subway.
00:30:12Hey, wait a minute. I'm a decontamination man.
00:30:14Yeah? Where's your uniform?
00:30:16I threw it away when I was being chased by the men from outer space. I'm waiting for my partner.
00:30:21Come on. You've got to come quietly.
00:30:23Listen.
00:30:24Come on. Come on.
00:30:25Men from Mars. I saw them. Men from Mars.
00:30:28Special reports?
00:30:29Special reports. What's your name in section?
00:30:31O'Hara. Section 4, 300, subsection 3, decontamination.
00:30:36Okay, go ahead.
00:30:38There's a bunch of men from a flying saucer just landed in Central Park.
00:30:41How many?
00:30:4250 or 60.
00:30:4350 or 60 men from a flying saucer. Say, what is this?
00:30:51Just what I said. I saw them. 50 or 60.
00:30:55With metal heads. All covered in some kind of shiny stuff.
00:30:58They fired at us with some kind of a ray gun in Central Park.
00:31:01Listen, bud. You've been told to keep out of saloons, haven't you?
00:31:04The job you're doing is serious. Where are you now?
00:31:07I'm in a grocery store in Columbus Avenue, 69th Street. And I ain't been in any saloons.
00:31:11Well, stay right where you are. I'm going to send somebody over.
00:31:15Over flying saucers. 300 of them in Central Park.
00:31:18Men from Mars. 400 of them in Central Park.
00:31:21They have been invaded from Mars. Thousands of them.
00:31:23Men from Mars. Flying saucers all over the place.
00:31:26Men from Mars with ray guns.
00:31:29Yeah, I know.
00:31:31Right men, number up.
00:31:4221.
00:31:4422, sir. All present correct, sir.
00:31:47Good.
00:31:48Now then, lads. Remember, there is nothing wrong in surrendering to overwhelming odds, provided we do it in a military fashion.
00:31:55Yes. Carry on.
00:31:57Right men. Fall in, sparkly.
00:32:03All right, lads. Follow me.
00:32:04Left wheel. Quick round.
00:32:09Hold.
00:32:10Alley.
00:32:11Yes?
00:32:13Look at that.
00:32:15New York Institute of Advanced Physics.
00:32:18That's not the arsenal, is it?
00:32:20No.
00:32:21We're lost again.
00:32:22Yes.
00:32:23All right, men. Back to the truck at the double.
00:32:37Will!
00:32:38Mr. General Snippet, get me Washington.
00:32:50Yes, Snippet.
00:32:51Oh, Mr. Secretary, I have to report an emergency situation in New York.
00:32:56There's a rumor going around the city's been invaded by men from Mars, and it's spreading like wildfire.
00:33:01Did you say men from Mars?
00:33:03Yes, sir, in Central Park.
00:33:05Well, how did that rumor begin?
00:33:06Well, the Civil Defense Squad leader turned in a report.
00:33:09Was he drunk?
00:33:10Well, we thought so, but I thought I'd better make a report of it anyway.
00:33:13All right, Snippet.
00:33:14You go out and make a personal inspection of that park and report to me.
00:33:18This kind of nonsense can ruin an exercise designed to protect the largest city of our nation.
00:33:23A city which I don't need to stress has been entrusted to your care.
00:33:31Get me my jeep.
00:33:36We really better not wait any longer, Papa. We have to get down to the shelter.
00:33:40Very well.
00:33:42I am hungry.
00:33:43I'll do the bomb before we go.
00:33:45Well, I don't understand why that warden doesn't come back with the sandwiches.
00:33:48Even with white bread, with no pickle.
00:33:52Oh, thank goodness.
00:33:57Just put the food here with...
00:33:59Oh!
00:34:01Who are you?
00:34:02What do you want?
00:34:04Well, what is it?
00:34:07Um, I'm Tully Bascom and this is Will Buckley.
00:34:11Is that Dr. Kokins?
00:34:13Yes, I am.
00:34:14Oh, how nice.
00:34:15We just took a chance and here you are.
00:34:17You didn't bring my sandwiches?
00:34:19Sandwiches?
00:34:21No, sir. We've come to capture you.
00:34:23Is this some kind of a joke?
00:34:24What are those uniforms? You're not wardens.
00:34:26No, Miss, we're soldiers. I haven't got time to explain now, but we're at war with America.
00:34:30We came over here to surrender and now I think if we take Dr. Kokins back with us, we shall be in a much better bargaining position. That is it in brief.
00:34:37They're both crazy.
00:34:38Yes.
00:34:39Phone the police. Call the army.
00:34:41That's no use, sir. Everybody's underground.
00:34:44What's that on the table?
00:34:46It's a coffee percolator.
00:34:48Coffee percolator.
00:34:49Is it?
00:34:50I've never seen an American percolator.
00:34:53What do I push?
00:34:54Don't push anything.
00:34:57I think that's the cue bomb.
00:35:00Yes.
00:35:02Small, isn't it?
00:35:03It's my portable.
00:35:05Well, well, well.
00:35:06We'd better take it along too, Tully.
00:35:08Yes, that's a very good idea, Will.
00:35:10Well, shall we go, sir?
00:35:11You leave my father alone.
00:35:13Oh, you're his daughter.
00:35:14Oh, you'd better come along as well.
00:35:15Look, I don't think you know...
00:35:16No, no violence, please.
00:35:18The bomb.
00:35:19Now, Mr. Grand Marshal,
00:35:20please permit me to dismantle it first.
00:35:22I'm sorry, sir.
00:35:23We haven't time.
00:35:24How do I carry it?
00:35:26Carefully.
00:35:29Mr. Constable, don't stumble.
00:35:31Don't fall, because if you fall,
00:35:33all of America falls with you.
00:35:35I see.
00:35:46I see.
00:36:00Shall we go?
00:36:08Morning, you men.
00:36:10Please, treat the bomb with great care.
00:36:12Do be careful.
00:36:17Get him in quickly.
00:36:18Come along.
00:36:26Take care for all of you.
00:36:42What is this?
00:36:43What's happening here?
00:36:45What's your name, soldier?
00:36:46I'm General Savage, you fool.
00:36:47Who are you?
00:36:48What's going on around here?
00:36:49Why are you dressed like this?
00:36:50I'm Field Marshal and Chief Constable Tully Bascom,
00:36:52and you're prisoners of war.
00:36:53Field Marshal and Chief Constable of what?
00:36:55The Duchy of Grand Fenwick.
00:36:56All right, Fenwick, you're under arrest.
00:36:58You'll get a hundred years for this.
00:36:59We'll talk about it in Grand Fenwick.
00:37:01You'll be treated with all deference due to your rank, General.
00:37:04Take him away, men.
00:37:05A hundred and thirty years.
00:37:07A hundred and thirty years.
00:37:08I'll spread and water.
00:37:13We interrupt this program for an important announcement.
00:37:16Contrary to rumor, there are men from Mars in the city.
00:37:19Do not panic.
00:37:20What did he say?
00:37:21Hey, cut that out.
00:37:22That's my radio.
00:37:23What did he say?
00:37:24Men from Mars in the city.
00:37:26So stay where you are.
00:37:28We have been invaded by men from Mars.
00:37:30So stay where you are.
00:37:31I knew it.
00:37:32I knew it had to come.
00:37:33Ahoy there!
00:37:34Well, Field Marshal.
00:37:35You went away very long.
00:37:36How did the war with the United States go, huh?
00:37:37We won.
00:37:38Well, Field Marshal.
00:37:39You went away very long.
00:37:40How did the war with the United States go, huh?
00:37:54We won.
00:37:55We won!
00:38:08Mr. Secretary, sir.
00:38:10Yes, Captain, what is it?
00:38:12It's General Snippet. He's still missing.
00:38:13Oh, that man's an idiot. I'll have you star for this.
00:38:16But they found his Jeep at the New York Institute of Advanced Physics.
00:38:19They...
00:38:20Go on.
00:38:23They say it was shot full of arrows.
00:38:25Arrows?
00:38:26That's the report, sir. They're flying them down from New York.
00:38:29Also, there was a flag.
00:38:30On the arrows?
00:38:31On one of the custom sheds at the docks.
00:38:33What flag is it?
00:38:34Nobody's identified it yet, but they're flying it down too.
00:38:37Also, those rumors about men from Mars. They're still spreading.
00:38:41I'm going to stop this alert.
00:38:43There's something funny going on, and I don't like it.
00:38:47A foreign flag on a custom shed?
00:38:49Yes, sir.
00:38:49Yes, sir.
00:38:50I think we all realize how important it is to the well-being of any community to have a helpful, friendly PX.
00:39:02So, be on your toes.
00:39:04And under the circumstances, gentlemen, I see no reason why we can't let the Americans have our wine at our generous discount.
00:39:10Right. Agreed.
00:39:12Mayberry, first impressions are always the strongest,
00:39:15so be sure and give those smiling, boyish GIs a fine, friendly welcome when they arrive.
00:39:20Of course.
00:39:21And as soon as we get the money, we simply must get hold of some of those malted milk machines, right?
00:39:27And not forget about the hot dogs.
00:39:30Yeah, yeah.
00:39:31Which brings me, gentlemen, to the question of non-fraternisation.
00:39:36Now, the occupation authority is certain to be very strict in this matter,
00:39:40and naturally we will want to cooperate in every possible way.
00:39:44I should imagine that non-fraternisation will last for approximately, what, 48 hours, eh? 48 hours.
00:39:50After which, gentlemen, we will want those lonesome GI boys to feel that this is a real home away from home.
00:39:58I think I've dealt with everything. Are there any questions?
00:40:04No.
00:40:05Good.
00:40:06Except, er, shouldn't we have heard something by now?
00:40:10My dear fellow, not to worry. Even a complete nincompoop like Tully can't spoil this war.
00:40:15Come on.
00:40:16Keep moving.
00:40:17I don't want any more exercise.
00:40:18Up and up.
00:40:19Peel master's orders.
00:40:20Move.
00:40:21On the double.
00:40:22On the double.
00:40:23On the double.
00:40:24On the double.
00:40:25On the double.
00:40:26It is worse than sitting on a barrel of gunpowder. Much worse.
00:40:28He won't let you dismantle it.
00:40:29No, I told him it was dangerous. He said he wants it dangerous.
00:40:31He's power of gunpowder.
00:40:32It is worse than sitting on a barrel of gunpowder. Much worse.
00:40:35He won't let you dismantle it.
00:40:36No, I told him it was dangerous. He said he wants it dangerous.
00:40:40He's power crazy. He knows whoever has the bomb has the world by the tail.
00:40:45There is only one way to save us. Now you must persuade him to let me make it.
00:40:48It is worse than sitting on a barrel of gunpowder. Much worse.
00:40:50It is worse than sitting on a barrel of gunpowder. Much worse.
00:40:52He won't let you dismantle it.
00:40:53No, I told him it was dangerous. He said he wants it dangerous.
00:40:56He's power crazy. He knows whoever has the bomb has the world by the tail.
00:41:01There is only one way to save us. Now you must persuade him to let me make it harmless.
00:41:05I must persuade him. Why me?
00:41:07He likes you.
00:41:08Well, I don't like him.
00:41:09For America?
00:41:10No, sir. Not me.
00:41:12For mankind?
00:41:13I hate him.
00:41:14That is irrelevant.
00:41:15Not to me.
00:41:17Please, do it.
00:41:19Is it absolutely necessary, Papa?
00:41:22Absolutely.
00:41:23Sorry, visiting time is over.
00:41:24Yes, I am just coming.
00:41:25Absolutely.
00:41:26Okay.
00:41:27Will you please tell the dictator I'd like to see him?
00:41:31Who, ma'am?
00:41:32Baskin.
00:41:33Oh, yes, ma'am.
00:41:34Are you a typical American girl, ma'am?
00:41:37Come on.
00:41:38Come on.
00:41:55Come in.
00:41:59You wanted to see me?
00:42:00Yes.
00:42:01Yes.
00:42:02As a matter of fact, Mr. Bascom.
00:42:03Mr. Bascom!
00:42:09You wanted to see me?
00:42:10Yes.
00:42:12Is everything all right?
00:42:13Oh, wonderful.
00:42:14Couldn't be better.
00:42:15A two-by-four cabin on a rocky old boat with a deadly bomb ready to explode under the floor.
00:42:20What more could a girl ask?
00:42:22Oh, that's nice.
00:42:23Thanks a lot.
00:42:24Is there something I can do for you?
00:42:26Yes.
00:42:27You could let my father dismantle the bomb.
00:42:29I'm sorry.
00:42:30I couldn't do that.
00:42:31Please.
00:42:32As a personal favorite to me.
00:42:34No, no.
00:42:35I...
00:42:36I couldn't.
00:42:37I knew it wasn't any use talking to you.
00:42:38Go away.
00:42:39All right.
00:42:48I think you're holding me.
00:42:50I am?
00:42:53Is this the way you treat all your prisoners of war?
00:42:56I'm sorry.
00:42:57Oh, I didn't mean to offend you.
00:42:59I hope you're not upset.
00:43:00No, I'm not upset.
00:43:02Do you forgive me?
00:43:04Yes.
00:43:06Can I go now, please?
00:43:08Not just yet.
00:43:09Please.
00:43:10Surely, Mr. Bascom, despite everything, we can still be friends, can't we?
00:43:16Yes.
00:43:17Yes.
00:43:18That's nice.
00:43:19I've always admired strong, silent men like you.
00:43:23You're awfully young and handsome to be a real field marshal and everything.
00:43:28No.
00:43:29Do you like American girls?
00:43:31I don't know any American girls but you.
00:43:35I like you.
00:43:36That's nice.
00:43:37Would you like to kiss me?
00:43:39I wouldn't mind.
00:43:40You can turn around right now and kiss me if you want to.
00:43:44Really?
00:43:45Really.
00:43:46Oh.
00:43:47Oh.
00:43:49Oh.
00:43:52Oh.
00:43:58Oh.
00:43:59Oh.
00:44:00Look out for a pirate ship flying a double-headed eagle. She may attack you. What's that mean?
00:44:18I can't imagine, sir. Oh, a ship on the port bar, sir.
00:44:21Is that so? Perhaps she's seen this pirate ship.
00:44:24Hello! Hello, you down there! Have you seen a little...
00:44:31...
00:44:38...
00:44:43...
00:44:46...
00:44:49...
00:44:51...
00:44:54...
00:44:56...
00:44:57...
00:44:58...
00:44:59...
00:45:00...
00:45:01...
00:45:02...
00:45:03...
00:45:04...
00:45:05...
00:45:07...
00:45:09...
00:45:10...
00:45:11...
00:45:12This is a kidnapping!
00:45:14Informe the United States Embassy!
00:45:16Take your hands off me!
00:45:18No, no, s'il vous plaît, monsieur.
00:45:20Ce musque habillé en soldats, là, c'est un Américain?
00:45:24Oui.
00:45:26Un Américain? Oh, c'est un peuple merveilleux,
00:45:28avec des cœurs chauds, généreux, plein de bonne humeur.
00:45:30Et puis un peuple jeune, mais enfin un peu timide,
00:45:32mais néanmoins un peuple secule, on peut compter, n'est-ce pas?
00:45:36Oui.
00:45:38Au revoir, monsieur. Au revoir.
00:45:42Je ne sais pas, je ne parle pas français.
00:45:52Je ne sais pas, je ne parle pas.
00:45:54Je ne sais pas, je ne parle pas.
00:45:56Non, monsieur.
00:45:57Les États-Unis et les États-Unis sont en guerre,
00:45:59et il faut le F.B.I. pour le savoir.
00:46:02Oui, monsieur.
00:46:03Il s'est retrouvé derrière l'arrière de l'arrière,
00:46:05dans l'arrière de l'arrière, n'est-ce pas, monsieur?
00:46:07Oui, monsieur.
00:46:09J'ai pas de l'arrière de l'arrière de l'arrière.
00:46:11Mais comment je vais te dire que nous avons été
00:46:13suffisamment invadés par un groupe de 15th-century Européens?
00:46:17Oh, je suis sûr que vous allez trouver un moyen, monsieur.
00:46:19Et un peu de l'arrière de l'arrière de l'arrière.
00:46:21Mais ce que je ne comprends pas, c'est pourquoi ils ont dû ressortir à la guerre.
00:46:24Il y a de nombreuses de la guerre.
00:46:26Et nous avons toujours été très bon à la guerre.
00:46:28Oui, mais ils ont été mis en train de l'arrière de l'arrière.
00:46:30Oui, mais ils ont été mis en train de l'arrière, non ?
00:46:32Et nous avons mis en train de l'arrière.
00:46:33Merci.
00:46:34Mais comment je vais vous montrer le président de l'arrière de l'arrière ?
00:46:37L'arrière de l'arrière ?
00:46:38Just parce qu'ils ont été mis en train de l'arrière et puis ils ont été mis en train de l'arrière ?
00:46:41Listen, ce n'est pas secret.
00:46:43Not seulement ils ont pris le Dr. Kokin,
00:46:45mais ils ont pris le modèle de la guerre.
00:46:48La guerre ?
00:46:49Ça veut dire que...
00:46:50Oui, ils ont juste à l'arrière de l'arrière de l'arrière.
00:46:52C'est quoi ?
00:46:54C'est quoi ?
00:46:55C'est quoi ?
00:46:56C'est quoi ?
00:47:22C'est quoi ?
00:47:24Tout le monde ?
00:47:26C'est ça ?
00:47:27C'est quoi ?
00:47:28J'ai l'impression d'avoir de l'arrière de l'arrière de l'arrière ?
00:47:34Oui, c'est très curieux.
00:47:36...
00:47:37Jew, c'est très curieux.
00:47:39J'ai l'impression d'avoir de l'arrière de la monnaie.
00:47:40...
00:47:41...
00:47:43...
00:47:44...
00:47:47...
00:47:47...
00:47:48...
00:47:49C'est malheureux.
00:47:50There. Shouldn't they be here by now? Do you remember what that telegram said?
00:47:59Yes, it said, arriving approximately 2 p.m. with Americans and wonderful news.
00:48:04Love, darling.
00:48:05Good, good.
00:48:06I hope they don't bring too many GIs. They know we're a small country, don't they?
00:48:10Oh, of course they do, of course. Anyway, they're very considerate about that sort of thing.
00:48:14They're coming! They're coming!
00:48:16They're coming! They're coming!
00:48:20They're coming!
00:48:50They're coming!
00:48:58Come on.
00:49:00Come on.
00:49:02Come on.
00:49:04Come on.
00:49:06Come on.
00:49:08Come on.
00:49:10Come on.
00:49:12Come on.
00:49:14Come on.
00:49:16Come on.
00:49:18Well, Your Grace, we're home.
00:49:24Actually, there's been a slight change of plan.
00:49:27I know it'll come as a surprise, a pleasant one, I hope, but we thought of one.
00:49:32You thought of what?
00:49:34Well, sir, it's a long story, but we captured the Q-bomb, the most destructive weapon in the world.
00:49:39And we got some prisoners, too.
00:49:41This is Dr. Kirkins, who invented the bomb.
00:49:43This is his daughter, Helen.
00:49:44This is General Snippet.
00:49:45And these are New York policemen.
00:49:47Oh, and this is the bomb.
00:49:49You blithering idiot.
00:49:51Lady, please, if this bomb should explode, it will wipe out most of Europe.
00:49:55I beg of you, let me make it harmless.
00:49:57We can't do that, Your Grace.
00:49:58If they make it harmless, we haven't won anything.
00:50:00Just some prisoners.
00:50:01Oh, dear.
00:50:02This is most terribly complicated, isn't it?
00:50:06Put the bomb away somewhere in the dungeon.
00:50:09And the doctor and Miss Pokins can have the rooms next to mine.
00:50:14Would you like orange or tomato juice with your breakfast?
00:50:17Orange, please.
00:50:18Orange.
00:50:19But, lady, this bomb is not the kind of prisoner you can shut up in a dungeon.
00:50:23It...
00:50:24Listen, everybody, this bomb is stolen property.
00:50:26It belongs to the United States of America.
00:50:28Now, you stop that.
00:50:29We want it fair and square, Your Grace.
00:50:31Give it back, please.
00:50:32If you don't, you'll live in terror for the rest of your lives.
00:50:35Give it back.
00:50:36It's the honest thing to do.
00:50:38It's the wise thing to do.
00:50:40It's...
00:50:41It's the American thing to do.
00:50:43There goes a red-blooded American girl.
00:50:47Your Grace, this is General Snippet.
00:50:49He's a real general.
00:50:50I warn you, madam.
00:50:51I know the Geneva Convention by heart.
00:50:53Oh, how nice.
00:50:54You must recite it to me some evening.
00:50:57I play the harpsichord.
00:51:03All right, just wait in here.
00:51:04One minute.
00:51:05Come on.
00:51:06In here, Lord.
00:51:07Come on, sir.
00:51:09Thank you, sir.
00:51:10Take your hands off me if you think you are.
00:51:19Psychological warfare.
00:51:29Brain-washing.
00:51:30Remember, men, only your name, rank and serial number.
00:51:33What if they torture us?
00:51:34Never mind what they do.
00:51:35Don't talk.
00:51:36Can we scream a little?
00:51:37The first thing we do is form an escape committee.
00:51:39And then...
00:51:40Well, there you are, General.
00:51:42Well, what do you think about our exhibits?
00:51:46I'm disappointed in you, lady.
00:51:48Really?
00:51:49But you'll never get away with it.
00:51:50There are international laws for the treatment of prisoners.
00:51:52You can't torture us and you can't keep us in this cell either.
00:51:55My dear General, this is not a cell.
00:51:58This is a museum.
00:52:00We don't do these things anymore.
00:52:02Oh, really?
00:52:04How would I know it all the time?
00:52:06I'm just testing you fellas.
00:52:08Well, if you're ready, I'll show you to your room.
00:52:12Just a minute.
00:52:13Are the regulation size cells eight by six?
00:52:15I really don't know.
00:52:16I've never measured them.
00:52:18And meals.
00:52:19They've got to be served on standard size tin plates.
00:52:22I don't believe we have any tin plates here, General.
00:52:25Then we refuse to move.
00:52:27Unless you convince me that my men and I will be treated according to the regulations,
00:52:30I'm not budging one inch.
00:52:32Excuse me.
00:52:33I see.
00:52:43Are you sure you won't have something to eat, General?
00:52:46Only if it's served on a tin plate.
00:52:48Very well.
00:52:49Follow me, gentlemen, will you?
00:52:50Men, stand on your rights.
00:52:59I'm gonna show them that they can't foot.
00:53:01Men!
00:53:02Where are you?
00:53:03Men!
00:53:04Men!
00:53:05Do you?
00:53:10Do you?
00:53:15No.
00:53:16Don't jump out here.
00:53:17Don't jump out.
00:53:18Can you bethmmess?
00:53:19I'd hope he's ready.
00:53:21I did not jump out.
00:53:22I hope the general is okay.
00:53:24No, no!
00:53:26I'll show them.
00:53:28I showed them.
00:53:34No tin plates, eh?
00:53:37They have tin plates.
00:53:58Here is the news.
00:54:08The situation seems grave tonight,
00:54:10and lights are burning late in every chancellery on the continent of Europe.
00:54:14More men are under arms than ever before in the history of the world.
00:54:18In Parliament tonight, the Prime Minister said that Britain and Grand Finnic
00:54:22were united not only by ties of language and history, but by blood,
00:54:25and that it was only a matter of pure accident that the tiny duchy was not a member of the Commonwealth.
00:54:31Therefore, Her Majesty's government would do all in its power
00:54:34to protect the integrity of this British outpost across the Channel.
00:54:38There were cheers from both sides of the House.
00:54:41In Paris, the President stated that not only was Finnic historically a part of France,
00:54:45but the interests of these two wine-loving and wine-growing countries were identical
00:54:50and would be maintained at all costs.
00:54:52There were scenes of excitement in Moscow tonight,
00:54:56where the Premier said that although the Soviet Union
00:54:58had invented a Q-bomb of its own many years ago,
00:55:01the peace-loving workers of the USSR would do everything necessary
00:55:05to prevent the Fennec bomb from falling into the greedy, blood-stained hands
00:55:09of the imperialist, warmongering hyenas.
00:55:12In the United States, the New York Yankees defeated the Milwaukee Braves 6-2
00:55:18in the final game of the World Series, the American version of football.
00:55:23Meanwhile, there is no word from Gran Fennec,
00:55:25which now seems to control the destiny of the world.
00:55:28The tiny country apparently remains calm, unconcerned,
00:55:31and indeed almost indifferent to the rising tension.
00:55:34Sir.
00:56:00Sir.
00:56:00Sir.
00:56:04It's from China.
00:56:14It says,
00:56:15If there is anything we can do to help you against the United States,
00:56:20please don't hesitate to ask.
00:56:22Warmest regards.
00:56:24Impossible.
00:56:25No matter what, we simply can't do business with Red China.
00:56:28It's not from Red China.
00:56:30It's from the other one.
00:56:31Well, gentlemen, we're in trouble.
00:56:42Now, what are we going to do about it?
00:56:43I don't know what all the fuss is about, sir.
00:56:45We can take a plane with 40 paratroopers over to that little jerkwater country
00:56:48and get that bomb and this cock and sell before they know what's hit them.
00:56:51Sure, I'm with it.
00:56:52General, it's not quite that simple.
00:56:53Well, admittedly, we are at war with Grand Fenwick and legally entitled to attack them.
00:56:58But do you want it recorded in history that a nation of our size attacked the smallest country in the world?
00:57:03Well, you know something?
00:57:07We're stuck.
00:57:08We sure are.
00:57:09And now the French have offered eight divisions to protect Fenwick from attack.
00:57:13The British are considering 14.
00:57:15Egypt has offered six and a half interest in the Suez Canal.
00:57:19Now, naturally, they all want to take the bomb home for safekeeping.
00:57:23Argentina, Brazil, France, Germany, Italy.
00:57:27They all want to help us.
00:57:28It's impossible.
00:57:29We fought a war and reaped as the fruits of victory disaster.
00:57:32Well, it was all your idea, Burbo.
00:57:35My idea?
00:57:36My idea was perfectly sound.
00:57:38Only an imbecile could have won this war.
00:57:40And he did.
00:57:41I know, but he meant well.
00:57:44And the Russians have offered 20 divisions and have told Fenwick they want an answer within 48 hours.
00:57:49We'll give them 30 divisions.
00:57:51General, you don't seem to appreciate our position.
00:57:54We're at war with Fenwick.
00:57:56How can we send troops to protect our enemy?
00:57:59Now, you know something?
00:58:01We're stuck.
00:58:02And as a result, we now have this frightful engine of destruction, which of the mere rumbling of a farm cart can destroy us all and the rest of Europe with us.
00:58:09And are we to go to war with the whole world because of it?
00:58:11Oh, I know what our impetuous young friend there will say.
00:58:14Guard our frontiers.
00:58:15I say, let us give America the privilege of guarding its own frontiers.
00:58:19At least they can afford it.
00:58:21Your Grace, we must give them their bomb back immediately.
00:58:24I'm not so sure about that, Burbo.
00:58:26I mean, the Americans are a wonderful people.
00:58:28And perhaps we shouldn't have taken their bomb.
00:58:31Anyway, Burbo, even if we give it back to them, some other country will go and invent a Q-bomb of their own.
00:58:36And then we'll have an X-Y-Z bomb.
00:58:38And someday one of them will go off.
00:58:41Boom!
00:58:42Then what does your Grace suggest?
00:58:44I really don't know.
00:58:45But I think we should wait.
00:58:47Wait?
00:58:49Wait for what?
00:58:50I don't know.
00:58:51Just wait.
00:58:53I see.
00:58:55Well, in that case, I resign.
00:58:58So do I.
00:59:02They're all so sensitive.
00:59:07Well, Tully, I'm afraid you're Prime Minister now.
00:59:10Do try and think of something, won't you?
00:59:13Well, I'll do my best, Your Grace.
00:59:16There's a good boy.
00:59:17Oh, dear, dear.
00:59:20It's all so confusing.
00:59:22Having the bad conscience of the world in one's own home is very difficult.
00:59:28I do wish the appropriate were here.
00:59:38But we won, didn't we?
00:59:42The world isn't the same anymore.
00:59:47Hey, you know something?
00:59:56Make peace with them.
00:59:57That way we can protect them.
00:59:58That's precisely what the President hoped you'd say.
01:00:01But, unfortunately, the Secretary of State is still busy in the Far East.
01:00:05So it's up to me, I'm afraid.
01:00:07So I'll fly over to Fenwick immediately and try to arrange an armistice.
01:00:10Agreed?
01:00:11Agreed.
01:00:11Who is it?
01:00:14May we come in?
01:00:15No.
01:00:16Oh, I see you're still angry.
01:00:18I'm still a prisoner.
01:00:19May I say how much we both enjoyed your speech when you first arrived?
01:00:22If you enjoyed it so much, why didn't you let me finish it?
01:00:25Who are you, anyway?
01:00:26A friend, Count Mountjoy, Her Grace's chief advisor.
01:00:29This is Mr. Benter, leader of the loyal opposition.
01:00:32What do you want?
01:00:33In return, may I ask what you want?
01:00:36I thought I made that clear.
01:00:38I want to get that bomb back to America.
01:00:40And my father and myself with it.
01:00:42And General Snippet and the policeman as well.
01:00:45Why not?
01:00:46Hey, whose side are you on?
01:00:48The side of sanity.
01:00:50In this case, dear lady, yours.
01:00:51We see nothing more advantageous than your immediate return to America with the bomb.
01:00:56Do you mean that?
01:00:58Absolutely.
01:00:58We just want to get out of this mess.
01:01:00What have you got in mind?
01:01:01Well, we suggest you take that naughty bomb away.
01:01:06And what is more, we will help you do it.
01:01:08You mean take it back to America?
01:01:10Yes.
01:01:11We shall return for you within the hour.
01:01:13Be prepared to escape.
01:01:14Till then, dear lady.
01:01:16Adieu.
01:01:17Oh, you American women are so charming.
01:01:19So very charming.
01:01:21Look, we've only got an hour.
01:01:24Be too.
01:01:31Oh, you American women are so charming.
01:01:53Oh, you American women are so charming.
01:01:54I don't know.
01:01:55Oh, you American women are so charming.
01:01:56Oh, you're so charming.
01:01:57Who is it?
01:02:11Well, come in.
01:02:16I'm taking a bath, so wait out there.
01:02:20You're too soon.
01:02:22I didn't expect you for half an hour.
01:02:24You didn't?
01:02:26Who's that?
01:02:29It's me, Tally Bascom, remember?
01:02:31How could I forget?
01:02:32What do you want?
01:02:34I just wanted to talk to you about being friends, like you said on the boat.
01:02:37That was on the boat.
01:02:39You and I can never be friends.
01:02:40Goodbye.
01:02:42You really mean that?
01:02:43Yes, I do.
01:02:44Get out.
01:02:50You get out of here.
01:02:51You scream.
01:02:53You keep that on.
01:02:54The water was cold.
01:02:55How dare you come in here when I'm stuck in this miserable barrel?
01:02:58That barrel was made by a very old firm of barrel makers.
01:03:01Who cares?
01:03:01A barrel is a barrel.
01:03:02Now you get out.
01:03:03All right, I'll wait out there.
01:03:06Don't wait.
01:03:06Come back tomorrow.
01:03:08No, I'll just wait if you don't mind.
01:03:09Go on.
01:03:33Guard!
01:03:33Do you wish to see my credentials, I've come here to discuss a very important matter with the Duchess Loriana.
01:03:41Our orders are to admit no one, sir.
01:03:43But this is very important.
01:03:44That's what they all say.
01:03:46I've come here to discuss the surrender terms.
01:03:49Whose?
01:03:51Ours.
01:03:53You'll have to wait here with the others.
01:03:55Guard!
01:03:57Aggressor!
01:03:59We were all told to wait here until given permission to enter by the freedom-loving workers of Grand Fenwick.
01:04:06Oh, yeah, sure.
01:04:08Now, guard!
01:04:11A little caviar, comrade.
01:04:13Never touch it.
01:04:16Well, General, we haven't much time.
01:04:18Yes, but shouldn't we have Dr. Kokus disconnected first?
01:04:21We can't find him. We looked everywhere.
01:04:23But I...
01:04:24Come now, General, please. General.
01:04:26Well, who's going to carry it?
01:04:28He took off Las Vegas.
01:04:30You're trapped.
01:04:55shall we?
01:04:57Shall we?
01:05:15Look, Bascom, there's no use hanging around.
01:05:17I have nothing to say to you.
01:05:18So for the last time, will you please go?
01:05:22I see.
01:05:23Well, goodbye.
01:05:27Goodbye.
01:05:28And if I never see this antique tourist trap of yours again, I'll be a happy girl.
01:05:32Antique tourist trap?
01:05:33You seem to forget we won the war.
01:05:34It was an accident.
01:05:35You snuck up on us.
01:05:36It was broad daylight.
01:05:37Everybody was underground.
01:05:38Well, anyway, we won.
01:05:39We weren't looking.
01:05:40And we've got your bomb, and there's nothing you can do about that.
01:05:42You stole it.
01:05:43It's stealing part of your primitive culture too.
01:05:45It's captured booty.
01:05:46It belongs to the United States.
01:05:48And you belong to me.
01:05:49You're my prisoner.
01:05:53Thief?
01:06:23the old man.
01:06:24Get the car.
01:06:25Right.
01:06:26Go away.
01:06:27It's me.
01:06:28Are you sure my father's waiting with the others?
01:06:42Would I lie to you?
01:06:43Frankly, yes.
01:06:45I promise you he's waiting with the others.
01:06:46Now, please, please come along.
01:06:49Yes.
01:06:51I promise you he's waiting with the others.
01:06:52Now, please, please come along.
01:06:54Who is it?
01:06:55It's me again, Tully.
01:06:57You can't come in.
01:06:58Go away.
01:06:59I've just come back to say that I'm sorry, and also that I've thought the whole thing
01:07:04over, and my problem is that I love you.
01:07:07You do?
01:07:08Yes.
01:07:09And furthermore, Helen, I think you love me.
01:07:12I do?
01:07:13Yes.
01:07:14Can I come in now, Helen?
01:07:15No, no, you just wait there a minute while I think.
01:07:18Well, take your time, then.
01:07:19Come along.
01:07:20He said he loved me.
01:07:21Congratulations.
01:07:22I think he means it.
01:07:23Yes, he's an idiot.
01:07:24Please.
01:07:25Well, he's silly, but he's nice.
01:07:26Well, write him a letter, then.
01:07:27I think I've always liked him.
01:07:28Sure have I, my dear, but please let us go now.
01:07:32Where are they?
01:07:34Some transportation you've arranged, I must say.
01:07:37It belongs to the Duchess.
01:07:39I only hope she doesn't find out, that's all.
01:07:41I've got my own worries.
01:07:43Helen?
01:07:48Where's my father?
01:07:49Yes.
01:07:50Where's her father?
01:07:51I thought you were.
01:07:52I knew you were a snake, you snake.
01:07:53My dear girl, there is nothing to worry about.
01:07:54We shall look after your father, I assure you.
01:07:55You just get the bomb home, and he will be perfectly safe.
01:07:56You not only expect me to leave him, but you don't think we try to escape in this thing without the bomb being dismantled, do you?
01:07:58Little lady, there is no time to argue.
01:07:59Please go.
01:08:00Bon voyage.
01:08:01Where do you suppose the doctor is, anyway?
01:08:02Heaven's the faintest idea.
01:08:03Helen?
01:08:04Helen?
01:08:05Oh, you're a snake.
01:08:06I'm a snake.
01:08:07I'm a snake.
01:08:08I'm a snake, you snake.
01:08:09My dear girl, there is nothing to worry about.
01:08:10We shall look after your father, I assure you.
01:08:11You just get the bomb home, and he will be perfectly safe.
01:08:13You not only expect me to leave him, but you don't think we try to escape in this thing without the bomb being dismantled, do you?
01:08:14Little lady, there is no time to argue.
01:08:16Please go.
01:08:18Bon voyage.
01:08:20Where do you suppose the doctor is, anyway?
01:08:22Heaven's the faintest idea.
01:08:25Helen?
01:08:35My girl and my bomb.
01:08:42Ladies and gentlemen, this is not the end of our film.
01:08:44However, something very much like this could happen at any moment.
01:08:47We just thought we ought to prepare you and more or less put you in the mood.
01:08:54And now back to our story.
01:08:57Fine.
01:08:58I have another throw.
01:09:02One, six.
01:09:03One, two, three, four, five, six.
01:09:06I bomb Philadelphia.
01:09:08Who owns Philadelphia?
01:09:09I do.
01:09:10Ha!
01:09:11You owe me 500 heavy bombers.
01:09:12Here.
01:09:14Now it's my turn.
01:09:17Four.
01:09:18One, two, three, four.
01:09:19Take a chance.
01:09:22Go to Salt Mine.
01:09:25Uh-uh.
01:09:26Fortunately, I can pay a fine instead.
01:09:31I get Saudi Arabia.
01:09:33Not a bad game.
01:09:34I agree.
01:09:35It's called diplomacy.
01:09:36It's my chauffeur's, actually.
01:09:37Jolly good fun, I think.
01:09:38My throw.
01:09:39Yes.
01:09:40Oh, stop it you idiot.
01:09:50Oh!
01:09:52Oh!
01:09:53Oh!
01:09:54Stop it you idiot.
01:09:59Oh!
01:10:03Oh, stop it you idiot.
01:10:06Oh!
01:10:07Stop it!
01:10:18Fix the car, you idiot!
01:10:21Don't you think you ought to hold this for a while after all it's your father's?
01:10:24Oh, no, not me. I'm only a girl.
01:10:37Hurry up, boys, gently.
01:10:39Hey! Helen!
01:10:41Helen!
01:10:42Helen!
01:10:43Helen!
01:10:44Helen!
01:10:45Helen!
01:10:46Helen!
01:10:47Helen!
01:10:48Helen!
01:10:49Helen!
01:10:50Helen!
01:10:51Helen!
01:10:52Helen!
01:10:53Helen!
01:10:54Helen!
01:10:55Helen!
01:10:56Helen!
01:10:57Helen!
01:10:58Hey, Helen!
01:11:08Helen!
01:11:08Helen!
01:11:09Helen!
01:11:09Helen!
01:11:28Helen!
01:11:29Helen!
01:11:30Helen!
01:11:31Helen!
01:11:32Helen!
01:11:33Helen!
01:11:34Helen!
01:11:35Helen!
01:11:36Helen!
01:11:37Helen!
01:11:38Helen!
01:11:39Helen!
01:11:40Helen!
01:11:41Helen!
01:11:42Helen!
01:11:43Helen!
01:11:44Helen!
01:11:45Helen!
01:11:46Helen!
01:11:47Helen!
01:11:48Hey, careful!
01:11:49Stop that!
01:11:51What's the matter now?
01:11:53Won't make the hill!
01:11:55Well, do something!
01:11:56Get out and push!
01:11:57Now, don't jerk it!
01:12:04Steady!
01:12:07Put some weight behind it!
01:12:16Easy, boys!
01:12:18Easy, boys!
01:12:27END OF THIS
01:12:35END OF THIS
01:12:37END OF THIS
01:12:39END OF THIS
01:12:42I can't just run into that haystack by Joe
01:13:01Come on, hurry up
01:13:14General Snippet, are you all right?
01:13:18What's going on?
01:13:19What's there going?
01:13:22Get out of here
01:13:31Get out of here
01:14:01Well, I'm ready
01:14:15Good
01:14:19Well, sir, I've never been a Prime Minister before
01:14:24And, um, um, anyway, um, point one
01:14:30The California wine must go off the market
01:14:33And we go back to business as usual
01:14:34Do you want that in the peace treaty?
01:14:36Oh, yes, sir, we want that in the treaty
01:14:37And we want a million dollars
01:14:39You mean a billion dollars?
01:14:41No, sir, no, just, just a million
01:14:42You can't expect us to give you a measly million?
01:14:45That's less than we spent in Germany and one city alone
01:14:47Yes, but you see, sir, they lost
01:14:49Oh, I can't promise to get that through
01:14:51You may have to take a billion
01:14:52Well, if you could try, sir
01:14:53Yes, you know
01:14:54And, uh, we'd like some of that to be in the form of bathtubs
01:14:58And other plumbing equipment
01:14:59That's right, Helen?
01:15:00Yes, dear
01:15:01Yes, sir, we're going to be married, sir
01:15:03Congratulations
01:15:05Thank you
01:15:06Thank you, sir
01:15:07Now, what about the bomb?
01:15:09Well, uh, the bomb stays here
01:15:11And, uh, Dr. Kokien's, too
01:15:13We want him to develop a chewing gum with a Pinot-Gran Fenwick flavor
01:15:16Which, uh, naturally, we expect to export to the United States, sir
01:15:20Well, do you want me to include that in the peace treaty?
01:15:22Absolutely
01:15:23Oh, yes, that, that, that must be
01:15:25Very well
01:15:25Now, what about the bomb?
01:15:27Surely you realize that you can't keep it indefinitely
01:15:29Well, sir, we'd like your president, who we admire very much
01:15:34To try and persuade the United Nations
01:15:37To let the little countries of the world look after the bomb
01:15:40We want a general disarmament
01:15:41And we want this league of little nations
01:15:44To be in charge of the inspection
01:15:45To see that it all goes through smoothly, you know
01:15:48I see
01:15:49I think
01:15:50But look, what you're proposing isn't new
01:15:52Everybody's been crying for disarmament for years
01:15:54And nothing happened
01:15:55What are you offering the big nations of the world in return for their arms?
01:15:59Well, sir, we offer them trust
01:16:00You see, they can't agree on anything
01:16:03Because they all suspect each other
01:16:04I think we all hope things would be better after the last war
01:16:08But in many ways they're worse
01:16:11All these bombs and things
01:16:12Well, do you really believe
01:16:13That the big nations are going to trust a group of small, neutral nations
01:16:17To set up a disarmament policy for them?
01:16:18Do you think they'll agree to that?
01:16:20Well, I hope so, sir
01:16:21Because if they don't
01:16:23We just have to explode the bomb
01:16:25But you'd all be blown up, too
01:16:27You see, Mr. Secretary
01:16:28If there were to be an atomic war
01:16:31Then we could be destroyed anyway
01:16:32The way things are
01:16:33We're just prolonging the agony, aren't we?
01:16:36I see what you mean
01:16:37Well, America wants nothing more than peace
01:16:39Always has
01:16:40I'll do my very best
01:16:42And for all our sakes
01:16:43I hope you make it
01:16:44Thank you
01:16:45It was awfully nice of you to come
01:16:47You'll be escorted back to the border
01:16:50Do give my love to your president, will you?
01:16:53And Mrs. Coolidge, too
01:16:55Your Highness, please
01:17:00Excuse me
01:17:00This is most important
01:17:01The bomb has had such a shaking up
01:17:03I think better I give it a good look
01:17:05As soon as possible
01:17:06In fact, now
01:17:07Yes, I do think Papa's right
01:17:09Yes, well, do be careful
01:17:11Won't you, Papa?
01:17:12Thank you
01:17:38Thank you
01:17:39Thank you
01:17:40Thank you
01:17:41Thank you
01:17:42Thank you
01:18:12You are a dud
01:18:19All the time
01:18:23It was a dud
01:18:24Remarkable
01:18:26Congratulations, sir
01:18:28Papa, I'm proud of you
01:18:30Only we know
01:18:43Only we know
01:18:43Oh, uh, how's the bomb getting on
01:18:58Never a better, Will
01:18:59Oh, fine
01:19:00Fine
01:19:00All right, carry on
01:19:01I'm a dud
01:19:02I'm a dud
01:19:02I'm a dud
01:19:05Bye
01:19:06C'mon
01:19:06Hello, sir
01:19:19Don't you?
01:19:20I'm a dud
01:19:20Yeah, I'm a dud
01:19:20I'm a dud
01:19:21I'm a dud
01:19:22You're a dud
01:19:22I'm a dud
01:19:22Have a dud
01:19:23I'm a dud
01:19:23¶¶
Recommended
1:23:00
|
Up next
1:23:03
1:22:55
1:23:10
1:28:30
1:38:58
8:34
20:26
1:44:25
1:00:38
51:49
52:16
51:28
51:07
51:11
1:50:57
1:25:54
1:37:05
1:12:22
Be the first to comment