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Will & Ralf Should Know Better Season 2 Episode 3
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FunTranscript
00:00.
00:07Look at these tights, there's something wrong with these.
00:09Right, are you ready, everybody?
00:11Yeah!
00:14Performing for the first time tonight,
00:18Miss Ruby Lovington
00:21and Tiffany Bloom!
00:25.
00:40This is Will.
00:41This is terrifying! Slow down!
00:43And this is Ralph.
00:45I feel like a powerful badass.
00:47We've been mates for 20-odd years.
00:49Come here, let's have a snuggle.
00:51We might look like middle-aged blokes.
00:54Yeah, this is great fun.
00:56But really, we're just a pair of massive...
00:59..noisy...
01:01.
01:04..kids.
01:05Where have you got that cake from?
01:06So what will it take for us to grow up?
01:08I really tried.
01:10..embrace modern life...
01:12Should've gone for some supple nails, like mine.
01:14..and become better...
01:16..let it one without a survivor...
01:18..maturer...
01:20..men.
01:21Look at these tights, there's something wrong with these.
01:23.
01:25.
01:27Wow!
01:35Watch it! Shoot!
01:36Let's do this!
01:37Wait for it!
01:38.
01:39Hey!
01:40Hey!
01:41Help!
01:42Come on!
01:43Hey! Help!
01:47Come on!
01:53Can you do a fart with your armpit?
01:55Can I? Go on.
01:57You look wet with some of your shit yourself.
01:59You better check your armpit. I think you've leaked.
02:02Have you got any toilet paper? I need to wipe my armpit.
02:05Jesus Christ!
02:07That was terrible.
02:09I wouldn't have trusted that armpit fart.
02:11No, it's impossible. I don't dare pull my hand out in case it's got shit on it.
02:23You're supposed to be driving, right?
02:25And you're limping. What happened?
02:27I played football yesterday and I got injured.
02:29I've told you before, you're too old. Give it up.
02:31Right, hold on. I was offered the opportunity to play against Paul Scholes.
02:35Would you turn down the opportunity to play Paul Scholes?
02:38No.
02:39You would not. You'd have gone on there with crutches if you'd have had to.
02:41That's true.
02:45Now you're aware that for quite a while now, I've been going for pedicures and then having my toenails painted.
02:51I've currently got glittery blue and silver ones.
02:55So you played football with glittery...
02:57I did. I did. And by the way, I was in the change room getting changed.
03:01Nobody cared or said a word apart from sometimes they go, oh, nice toenails.
03:05And I went, cheers.
03:06Oh, right.
03:07Right? And that's football. That's lads. Lads, lads, lads.
03:09Oh, yeah. Sounds it.
03:10So I thought...
03:12I actually honestly think you really enjoy it.
03:14You've never been for a pedicure before, have you?
03:16What do you mean? We're going for a pedicure?
03:18Yes, we're going for a pedicure and you're going to love it.
03:20I get my toenails painted all the time.
03:22Does it make me any less of a man? Be careful how you answer.
03:31Good morning.
03:32Good morning. How are you doing?
03:33Good morning. How are you doing?
03:34Nice to meet you. Hi. Federico.
03:35Hello. Hello.
03:36Hi. Federico. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
03:39I have a pedicure.
03:41That's great. That's great. As he has it too.
03:43I've made him come along with me to get one too.
03:45Well done.
03:46It's going to change your life.
03:47Really? Let's do it.
03:48Grab a seat. Thank you.
03:49We'll see you shortly.
03:50Right then.
03:52Look at the state of your elephant front.
03:54I know. It's horrible, isn't it?
03:55It's horrible.
03:56Mate, I'm quite excited for you.
03:58Right.
03:59Do you know what colour you're going to get?
04:00Well, I'm having a cuppa.
04:01Yes, you are.
04:02What's I'm for?
04:03Who's going to see me feet?
04:04You. It's not for anyone else.
04:06What shape do you like?
04:08Square, round in the edges, round?
04:10If you know the answer to this, there's a problem here.
04:12I prefer the big toe to be a little squarer
04:15and the others to be a little more rounded, please.
04:17Okay.
04:18Okay.
04:19So men come in here to have their nails done?
04:21Mm-hmm.
04:22Before going to work?
04:23Like...
04:24Yeah.
04:25Or before even go holiday.
04:26Yeah.
04:27What are you doing there?
04:28It's posh cutica.
04:30Okay.
04:31It's the red skin.
04:32That's 48 years of gunk coming off your toe.
04:35What do you want?
04:36What are we going for?
04:37Yeah, you have a look at that one.
04:38We'll pick one for each other.
04:39All right, I'll pick for you.
04:40You pick for me?
04:41Yeah.
04:42Hang on.
04:43No, you're going to stitch me up here.
04:44Don't stitch me up.
04:45What do you mean?
04:46Something that'll suit me?
04:47Mind you, what am I talking about?
04:49Just do with you.
04:50That was really cute.
04:53You were like, something that'll suit me.
04:55Wait, I don't care.
04:56That was a very telling moment.
04:59I feel like we just turned a corner.
05:03What do you think?
05:04It's not me, is it?
05:06I mean, I think it's actually very you.
05:08I'm not even joking.
05:09I looked open and I honestly went, oh, cute.
05:13Things have changed with you, Ralph.
05:15The thing is, would you ever have your fingernails done?
05:18No.
05:19Exactly.
05:20That's my point.
05:21Because if you're going to push yourself,
05:23get your fingernails done.
05:24Feels like a big statement.
05:26Of course, that's my point.
05:27Walking around and people will see your hands and they'll make a judgement of you
05:30based on your nails.
05:31That is weird, isn't it?
05:32I've never thought of it like that.
05:33Exactly.
05:34It's right then, we'll get our nails done then.
05:36If we're going to push ourselves.
05:37All right.
05:38What?
05:39All right.
05:40No, I was joking.
05:41But no.
05:42Why don't we?
05:43Because I thought you'd say no.
05:47I'm a little bit out of my...
05:50Out of your comfort zone, you brought me here.
05:52I know, but I was quite smug during the toenails
05:54and now I'm a little bit like, okay, we're going there.
05:56I don't think we should go for something as subtle as this.
05:59No, no, no.
06:00As subtle as it is, I think if we're going to go for it,
06:02we should be balls out.
06:04Balls out?
06:06I definitely don't want to see that.
06:08Depends if we're getting painted.
06:12It's a lot.
06:13It is a lot.
06:14It's a lot.
06:15There's not a great deal of subtlety to this.
06:17You see, you should have gone for some subtle nails, like mine.
06:23That'd be bad.
06:25I don't think people won't notice, let's put it that way.
06:28Really?
06:29Well, you've gone bald.
06:32Oh.
06:34How long have I got a wall like this for?
06:36Until they try.
06:39We're already getting looks.
06:40That woman's just giving us the right eyeball.
06:42I keep catching my own hands thinking who's of them hands in the mine.
06:46It just looked weird.
06:47Listen, I know what you're going to say before I say it.
06:49I don't like drawing attention to meself.
06:50You're going to say,
06:51Fucking hell.
06:52Really?
06:53Oh, yeah, you're a wallflower, you.
06:55I don't like drawing attention to meself.
06:57I don't like doing some moonwalk on the fucking side of the road singing.
07:07As we left the nail salon, this is a genuine thing.
07:11You were walking ahead of me and I saw two lads.
07:14And as you walked past, I saw one of them watch you like that.
07:18And then I saw him, I absolutely swear, I saw him go to his mate.
07:22He's like, no it's his mate, he's gone.
07:24Did not.
07:27Yeah, and then they both watched you go like that.
07:29They watched you all the way around the corner.
07:31And I was like, I've got to walk past these lads in about ten seconds.
07:35Really?
07:36Really?
07:37Yeah.
07:38See?
07:39100%.
07:40Unwanted attention.
07:45When I was 16, 17, I was a labourer.
07:48I worked on a roof.
07:49I enjoyed it actually.
07:51That's how I learnt about being a man and going to the pub, playing pool,
07:54in a really masculine environment, I suppose.
07:58So today, I've arranged for us to go to a building site.
08:03I'm sure that's going to go down well.
08:04Fuck me.
08:05I bet they don't even notice it.
08:06Fuck me.
08:07You won't even bring it up.
08:08Oh my God.
08:10Before we're allowed on a building site proper, we've come to Hertford Regional College for some training.
08:22First thing we've got to do is we're going to get you in your PPE, because you've got to be safe, you've got to be ready to work.
08:27You're going to help me first, are you?
08:29No, I'm just getting to the sides.
08:31Fuck!
08:32I've gone too far.
08:33It's catastrophic.
08:34I'm going to pull the thing up.
08:36Jesus Christ!
08:37It's stuck on me fucking nose.
08:39I adjusted it.
08:40It went too tight.
08:41And my eyes started to bulge out of my head.
08:43It was like that film.
08:44Total Recall at the end.
08:46It's on the red planet.
08:48His eyes are popping out.
08:49Seriously, don't.
08:50Okay, I'm helping.
08:51Seriously, don't make it tight.
08:52Seriously, the blood pressure.
08:53I can feel the blood in my eyes.
08:54Pull it half out.
08:55I've laughed at Will's helmet many times over the years, but I feel like only Will could
08:59butt on a helmet so tight that it nearly chops the top of his head off.
09:04Fucking hell.
09:06I ripped it.
09:08Twelve years of teaching, I've never known two blokes take so long to get changed.
09:14We've got to be out of here by six.
09:16All right.
09:17Before we lay any bricks, what we've got to get you to do is what we call bumping out or loading out.
09:20And we'll just literally put them on their shoulder.
09:22Right.
09:23Wow.
09:24Put it down.
09:25Okay.
09:26Ow!
09:27That's heavy.
09:28Well, let's put it down carefully.
09:31Fucking knee bastard.
09:33We are shite at this.
09:35That is a silo.
09:36What have you got?
09:37That's it.
09:38Oh.
09:39I reckon even we might manage that.
09:40Oh!
09:41That's a madrast.
09:42Swipe and then do the bottom, the side and that side.
09:46And so I just take a bit of that and just fucking fell off.
09:49So what we can see here, we've got the seesaw action down on.
09:52You want them untouching.
09:53Yeah?
09:54Seesawing like bollocks here.
09:56It was hard, tiring and it hurt me back and I want enjoying it.
10:02Fuck off.
10:03Look at it falling off.
10:04I can't even lay a pissing brick.
10:06It looks easy and therapeutic but there's a precision to it.
10:10There's an art to doing it well that I have no appreciation of.
10:14This is what it's like having a real job.
10:16So the whole time we were there, me and Ralph together laid 46 bricks.
10:23And the average is 6 to 700.
10:26I was exhausted.
10:28Honestly, I felt broken after it.
10:31I felt quite broken by it.
10:33I've never slept in a skit before.
10:35Can I recommend it?
10:47I don't enjoy...
10:48Brick Lane.
10:49Brick Lane.
10:50And I don't think I enjoy hardly but...
10:53And the thing about today is we've got to go and do it on the building site.
10:58God, are they just going to think we're just a pair of, like, mamby-pamby actors?
11:02See how you get on our world, TV boys.
11:05Right, stick some music on.
11:07Let's get us in the mood.
11:08What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
11:12What a mighty, mighty good man.
11:14What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
11:16What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
11:18June 19th, classic.
11:19What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
11:22What a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a man.
11:24What a man, what a man, what a man.
11:26Was that a thought?
11:28Just a...
11:29This is the builder's life.
11:33That's what you get.
11:34We're at a construction site with a building social housing.
11:40First up, we need to meet construction manager, Greeny.
11:43Hello.
11:48I'm Greeny, how you going buddy, alright?
11:49Greeny alright mate, Will alright mate.
11:50Very good.
11:51Good.
11:52What have you done there?
11:53I've never seen bricklayers with nails like that before.
11:56Do you like it?
11:57What do you think?
11:58Them nails ain't really worked much ever though to be fair.
12:00That is true.
12:01Blame him, it wasn't my idea.
12:02I quite like it.
12:03Right, first thing, you got gloves?
12:04Yes we have.
12:05Put your gloves on, cover them nails up straight away.
12:06See?
12:07Yeah.
12:08Told you.
12:09We'll see, we'll see.
12:10We'll have a walk around site now and show you the site.
12:12Looking forward to this?
12:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:14I'm in a man's world here now.
12:15You are in a real man's world.
12:16Absolute Billy bullshitter.
12:19Did you hear that?
12:21Looking forward to this?
12:22Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:23Yeah, can't wait now, I'm here now.
12:25We'll make real men of you.
12:27Is there a bit of a community, would you say, in the bricklaying world or on the building site?
12:32My motto is, you walk the scaffold together, you come down the scaffold together.
12:36Be a team.
12:37These are your best mates.
12:38Really?
12:39Yeah, like, I'm not being funny.
12:40I see the blokes I work with more than you see your wife.
12:43If you've not been on a site and you're not in the trade, I think it's fair to say there's a bit of a stereotype.
12:47It's all hyper-masculine.
12:48And I'll tell you what, listen.
12:50When we met you, we had a little laugh and you took the piss out of us.
12:53Yeah.
12:54Now, with due respect, pass me your left hand.
12:56Pass me your left hand.
12:57Pass me your left hand.
12:59So, like...
13:00Oh, yeah, he's fine.
13:01But, yeah, jokes aside, this, you know, you've got some, like, pretty jewellery and whatever.
13:05It's not necessarily the stereotype that we've been.
13:08And you've got a couple of earrings in here, isn't there?
13:09Is that a new thing?
13:10Has that, like, has it changed?
13:12Yeah, it has.
13:13To be fair, when I first come into the industry, you could call dinosaurs, you know?
13:17Yeah.
13:18It's not like that no more.
13:19Most bricklayers are the vainest people going.
13:20I faked that last night.
13:22I'm sorry.
13:23Did you really?
13:24I faked 10.
13:25You faked 10 for this?
13:26No, not for this.
13:27Oh, yeah.
13:28Oh, yeah.
13:29I'm not even wearing these anymore.
13:31These are fantastic.
13:32How dare you?
13:33My health and safety management might say different.
13:35Oh, God.
13:36But, to be fair, I love that, mate.
13:37What a confession.
13:38It worked for this.
13:39I faked 10 every week.
13:40Oh, really?
13:41Yeah.
13:42And I was like, go on, Greedy.
13:43He's one of the bosses here.
13:45That opens the world up to, you know, if you want to have your nails painted, you can.
13:49We've had a good chat.
13:50There's nothing else for us to do here, is there?
13:51No, there is, actually.
13:52We could get you on the hods, load out 100 bricks, or the old-fashioned way, with a
13:57hod on the shoulder.
13:58And I want these bricks there.
13:59I want a good standard.
14:00And someone's going to buy that house with a bricks you two have laid on.
14:03Alright?
14:04Otherwise, you'll be giving me 70 pence each for each brick.
14:06Yeah?
14:07That is something.
14:08I hope they get a massive discount.
14:10Right, this is your team.
14:11Who are you working with today?
14:12Right.
14:13We've got Teagan now.
14:14Hello, Teagan.
14:15Hi, Teagan.
14:16Hey.
14:17How are you doing, Jack?
14:18Jacko.
14:19Boys, how are you feeling?
14:20Good to see you.
14:21I'm great, Jack.
14:22And then you've got the legend, the one and only legend.
14:24The legend!
14:25Only 72-year-old legend, that's what he's called it.
14:28Right, what do I want to do?
14:29I want to show them how they load the hod, lift the hods, to load out.
14:32Alright?
14:33Get that, and you use this to hold them in.
14:35Chuck it like that, catch it, and put it on there like that.
14:38Oh, okay.
14:39This is where you've got to get the strength.
14:44Is that Irish or...?
14:45No.
14:46No, it is.
14:47Fucking hell.
14:48That's fucking horrible.
14:53I've got it.
14:54Go on.
14:55Go on.
14:56That's it.
14:57Come over to you a little bit.
14:58Yeah?
14:59That's right.
15:00See, it's comfy now, isn't it?
15:01Yeah.
15:02Yeah, it's just great fun.
15:05You're, what did you say you are?
15:0672?
15:07Yeah.
15:08How long have you been doing this?
15:09From me life.
15:10All your life?
15:11Yeah, since I was about 13, 14.
15:13Are you here because you just love it and it's part of your life?
15:15No.
15:16No, it's my hobby.
15:17Really?
15:18No, it is.
15:19Really?
15:20I do it, I do it because I like doing it.
15:21Yeah, I don't need the money.
15:22I like the firm.
15:23Yeah.
15:24I've known the guys for 30 odd years.
15:25Yeah.
15:26And that's why I do it.
15:27So, like, is this like something you've always done, your family's done?
15:30My boy's doing it.
15:31He's been with the firm 10 years.
15:32But he don't want to be a bricklayer.
15:34Well, he wanted to be a dance teacher.
15:35He's done loads of plays and things like that.
15:38Oh, so he's in the acting game as well?
15:39Yeah.
15:40Oh, right.
15:41Yeah, he loves it.
15:42He does.
15:43Five's done it.
15:44Really?
15:45Every time I go and see his show, he seems to be the best one out of the lot.
15:46Legend's a proper bloke's bloke.
15:47And he supports his son, you know what I mean?
15:49And, you know, it reminds me of my dad.
15:53Listen, when he first went at school, he was in the airspray and he was doing the ironing and singing.
16:00I was at the back and I was down in the chair like that.
16:03I thought, he's going to show me up.
16:05He's going to show me up.
16:06And then he started singing and I went, is that marble?
16:09Oh.
16:10My dad was quite tough for me, but they supported me.
16:13And I know how proud he was when he saw me on stage and I think that's the same for legend.
16:16That's a proper Billy Elliot moment.
16:18Yeah.
16:19His name is Billy.
16:20Is it really?
16:21It's Billy.
16:22Right, we'd better lay some bricks.
16:24We're going to get sold off.
16:32OK.
16:33OK, something's gone horribly wrong here, won't Mellet?
16:35No, nothing I've done.
16:37That's never ten mil in a million years.
16:39That's ten mil!
16:40That's ten mil!
16:41I don't know.
16:43Jack, what's the problem?
16:44It ain't ten mil.
16:45It ain't ten mil.
16:46How's mine look, Jack?
16:47Is it all right?
16:48Looks all right, mate.
16:49Thanks, Jack.
16:50Full joints.
16:51Full joints.
16:52This one's a bit low.
16:53Let's give that a bit of a...
16:54Yeah.
16:55Tell him, Jack.
16:56I suddenly start to enjoy it and then fucking Jack comes along and pisses all off the chicks.
17:00It's wank, this lady.
17:01It's not wank!
17:02Don't have a go at the bricks.
17:04You're having a go at bricks and mortar.
17:05There's nothing they can do.
17:06They ain't got feelings.
17:07Yeah.
17:08Do you want to finish off this wall?
17:09No.
17:10There you go.
17:11What do you think of this?
17:12It's good.
17:13I'm crap at this, Tegan.
17:14How long have you been doing it?
17:15Um, two years now.
17:16Were you worried about being accepted?
17:18Yeah, a little bit.
17:19Really?
17:20Yeah, yeah.
17:21What was, like, the worst thing that you think would happen?
17:23Like, just people would just, like, not think you were up to the job?
17:26Yeah.
17:27Like, making inappropriate comments?
17:28Like, just treating you weird?
17:29Like, patronising?
17:30Or, yeah, making inappropriate comments, but I've not had any of that.
17:34Really?
17:35Yeah.
17:36Everyone I've worked with is lovely and they're so accepting of me.
17:39Oh, why wouldn't they be?
17:40Yeah, exactly.
17:41So you're just another member of the team?
17:42Yeah.
17:43You're young.
17:44A lot younger than we are.
17:45Modern world.
17:46We didn't know, yesterday, we got these done.
17:49Yes.
17:50Yesterday I got mine done.
17:52Alright, let's have a look.
17:53There you go.
17:55Oh, yours are pretty.
17:58I should have gone for them.
17:59They're a lot more subtle.
18:00It's not about subtlety.
18:01It's about prettiness.
18:03Do you remember how to do this?
18:06Er, sort of, yeah, I guess.
18:09Let's hope so.
18:10Give it a go.
18:11Is this the button?
18:12Let's hope so.
18:13Press something.
18:14Press something.
18:16I've pressed something.
18:17Nothing's happening.
18:18I'm going to...
18:19Open the thing.
18:20It's inside.
18:21I can't open it.
18:22It's shut.
18:23Jack!
18:24Alright, alright, alright.
18:25Come on.
18:26What's happened?
18:27That's not a button.
18:28It's starting to...
18:29Oh, my God.
18:30You just had to clean the brick dust off it so I could see the...
18:32Oh, my God.
18:33Oh, my God.
18:34Go over there so I can pretend I didn't have to call you to show me how to press a button.
18:43We're keeping that in, Ralph.
18:46I want to be honest about how apprehensive me and Ralph was coming into your world because even though we're performers or we work on TV and stuff like that, we don't know how people are going to treat us.
18:58All of us sitting around here, we're normal people, aren't we?
19:00The main thing that I've got out of here is camaraderie.
19:03And even if you come into work and you've had a bad day and you've got something on your head or on your shoulders, by the end of the day, you'll probably be gone.
19:08You'll be gone.
19:09Someone will have spoke to you about it, you'll have offload it, have a chat, you'll have worked out, you'll have sweated it out, you'll have been out in the fresh air.
19:15I had a bit of a bust up with one of the older boys when I first started and we had quite a bad argument.
19:23He was an old Irish man and he was as manly as you could get and he'd come over and give me a hug and said, like, I'm sorry, like, we're all here to work.
19:30You know what I mean? I didn't want to be horrible or anything to you but I'm just having a bit of a shit time.
19:36Taking ownership of that, I just feel like that's not something that would have happened 20 years ago.
19:40Yeah, it wouldn't have done without.
19:41Wouldn't have happened in our industry even, you know?
19:43I've had grown bricklayers cry, I've cried myself many times.
19:46See what I mean? Most of them I have a job that, we're a classic example, we had a job, we had a date, we had to hit.
19:52If we probably hadn't hit that job, it might not have been a firm.
19:55I went in working with the lads to get it done.
19:58We hit that date and we all, you'd laugh, 12 grown men cuddled on the scaffold once we'd finished.
20:05It was built, the project was amazing.
20:07And I drove home and I thought about what we'd just done and I broke down and it meant something to me.
20:12Wow, wow.
20:13Because we do care what we do.
20:15We're here to work together, build together and build something right and be a valuable part of a team, you know?
20:24Come in boys and girls, 4 o'clock.
20:26You can all go home.
20:27Are we done?
20:28Yep.
20:29Let's go.
20:30Thank you for what you've done today, you know?
20:32Thank you mate.
20:33No, not shake hands, cuddle mate.
20:34It's all about the hugs, you know?
20:38Group hug, come on, we're all in here.
20:39This is what we do.
20:40Aw.
20:41Thank you very much.
20:42Thanks everybody.
20:43Thanks for coming.
20:44You've been inspirational.
20:46See you later.
20:47I know we only met a handful of them but it feels like that entire industry has rebuilt from the ground up in an incredibly kind of progressive and healthy way.
21:04Yeah, I know what you mean.
21:05I've got a friend of mine who's like,
21:08All right, all right, all right.
21:10And he will avoid like the plague if you bring anything up about emotions.
21:15He'll say, it's all right, box on.
21:17That's what he'll say.
21:18Hey, what'd you do?
21:19Box on, get up, box on.
21:21Yeah.
21:22Because it makes him feel uncomfortable himself talking about it.
21:25And I think there's a lot of men that's feared if I open this up in a pub or wherever and speak about how I'm feeling, they'll just be like, what's wrong with you?
21:32Yeah.
21:33I think what we found out, there's a lot of people out there that will be okay to talk about it.
21:37What?
21:38When I lost my sister, that was a hard time and I felt I had to be strong.
21:43I felt I didn't protect her and I don't know how I could have, but I felt I didn't and I was her brother.
21:48So it taps into all of that and you felt that?
21:50Yeah, I couldn't protect her.
21:51She looked at me as even though I was a younger brother, I was her brother.
21:54Do you know something similar for me, which has only just occurred to me as you've said that?
22:00When I was a kid, before I was, you know, nought to ten, my heroes, like so many young boys were Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, Superman, you know, heroes.
22:14Like, and I always, that's how I thought of myself, this little boy, this little hero, you know.
22:21And I think that the circumstances of how my sister died when I was nine.
22:26Yeah.
22:27I wasn't there and I definitely now, I've never thought about this until you just said that, but I definitely now realise that there was a part of me that thought, even at that age, if I was, if I had been there I could have done something.
22:38Yeah.
22:39At nine years old.
22:40Yeah.
22:43Well, you box on, don't you?
22:46What's your alternative?
22:49Yeah.
22:50Get my heated steering wheel off, you dick.
23:07Fucking heated steering wheel is 25 degrees outside.
23:10It's like driving me child around.
23:12Fucking hell.
23:13Fucking hell.
23:14Oh, that was good.
23:15That adventure playground.
23:16That was fun.
23:20I had a very, very blokey, tough dad.
23:24My dad was of the opinion that men bring up men and women bring up women.
23:29Yeah.
23:30So when I was born...
23:31Dad was like, yes, here we go.
23:32Well, yeah, he wanted a boy, but at the same time he went, listen, right, now, I've got him, you sort the girls out, to me mum.
23:41It was literally like that.
23:42Really?
23:43Yeah.
23:44And then I went, can I go Morris dancing?
23:46He was like, piss off!
23:48And he stopped you doing it.
23:49Well, but why do you think he put me in the boxing ring?
23:50I think he was a bit frightened.
23:52He was like, yeah, give and take, you can do the Morris dancing.
23:55But you get it punched in the face, I've been weird every week.
23:57Yeah.
24:00I have been surprised about how genuinely uncomfortable the nails made you feel.
24:05Wearing these...
24:06I'll tell you what, if I walked into the pub and I had these on, it would be in my pockets.
24:09I didn't think you'd love it, but I didn't...
24:12It slightly bothered you more than I thought it would.
24:16Yeah.
24:17Because it's like, I didn't think you'd have any problem being a little bit, like, fabulous.
24:21What you just said is perfect, because where we're all on our way to now,
24:25is something where we can explore not being ourselves into another world,
24:31and to maybe you are what you wear.
24:35You know?
24:36We're doing a fashion show.
24:37No.
24:38We're gonna be...
24:39I'd hate to do it like a catwalk or something.
24:40No, no, no.
24:41We're not doing that.
24:42We're gonna be drag queens.
24:48See?
24:49The nails!
24:50You're already halfway there.
24:51I think once you put the gear on, you'll become someone else.
24:54And when I'm somebody else, my nails will be fabulous then.
24:57We're here to meet esteemed drag artist, Pixie Polite.
25:03Welcome.
25:04Hi, Pixie.
25:07A leading figure on the British drag scene, Pixie is known for her powerhouse vocals,
25:12camp humour and a standout run on RuPaul's Drag Race UK.
25:20Shall we go?
25:21Yes.
25:22Thank you very much.
25:23After you, Pixie.
25:24Lead the way.
25:26Correct.
25:29What I want to know is what you want to get out of this experience.
25:33And I heard someone say once that there's an inner drag in everybody.
25:36There is, yeah.
25:37And I wanted to find out who my inner drag was.
25:39Well, we're gonna find out today.
25:42How would you best explain what drag is?
25:44You know, drag is, for the gay community and the queer community in general,
25:49it's like our church.
25:51Drags are our vicars.
25:53We preach in our own way to the audience.
25:56You know, especially if you think back to the AIDS crisis.
25:59Like, I think British drag is a very unique sensibility.
26:02Because back in the day, we were dropping like flies.
26:05And some of the only joy you could have is going to see a show that night and laughing
26:09and forgetting about your friends dying.
26:11You know, the queens, they developed a sharp tongue.
26:14They became very witty.
26:16They had to clap back.
26:17Because that was their defence mechanism against a world that wouldn't accept them.
26:21You know, we're going to be at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.
26:23That is one of the oldest drag bars in the country.
26:28Terrifying, Rob.
26:29Terrifying.
26:30You know, there's...
26:31The Royal Vauxhall Tavern.
26:32What an honour.
26:33What an institution.
26:34We've got to be good though.
26:35Oh, shit.
26:36Yeah.
26:37The ghost of Lily Savage will be there watching you.
26:39Oh, my God.
26:40She used to perform there back in the day.
26:41Really?
26:42I know.
26:43There's a lot of pressure.
26:52Right.
26:53Come on in, boys.
26:54I have something very special to introduce you to.
26:56Hello.
26:57Before we start.
26:58This is Chameleon.
27:01Chameleon and I are going to help you find your drag, find your character, find your aesthetic
27:06and figure out who you are as a drag queen.
27:09Okay.
27:10I don't know who I am as a me.
27:11Never mind.
27:12Neither do I, babe.
27:13Neither do I.
27:14That's why I'm a Chameleon and everything.
27:15Yeah.
27:16I'm a mood.
27:17I'm a colour.
27:18A vibe.
27:19I like that.
27:20You're a vibe.
27:21I'm a goddess.
27:22We know you love vibes.
27:23Wow.
27:24I love that.
27:25Yeah.
27:26Oh, they're speaking to me already.
27:27What's speaking to you?
27:28Oh.
27:29Yeah.
27:30Oh, my God.
27:31I've got the legs for it.
27:32Can I tell you what I'm feeling for me?
27:34I've always liked divas.
27:35Like 80s and 90s divas.
27:37Big.
27:38Okay.
27:39Well, you've got to walk the walk before you took the tux.
27:40Well, I'm not saying I know what I'm doing.
27:41Get the shoes on.
27:42Oh, careful now with those ankles.
27:44She might be down, but she's not out.
27:46Are you going to put some on as well?
27:48Okay.
27:49This is not that bad.
27:50Do they feel like a diva shoe?
27:52Because I'm...
27:53Whoa!
27:54She's down!
27:57I mean, I struggle with the shoes.
27:59It's like I was on a boat.
28:00I'm all over the gaff.
28:02You just have a lean on that table.
28:05These feel fucking sensational.
28:07I feel like a powerful badass.
28:09Mm.
28:10I saw those boots and they seemed like the most sort of outrageous, let's do this kind of
28:17thing.
28:18Should we have a proper look through?
28:20Let's look at wigs.
28:23There we go.
28:24Do blonds have more fun?
28:26I don't know.
28:27I've never seen myself as a blonde before.
28:29You look like Patsy from a mad fab.
28:31Do you think it's a little art?
28:33Hey, I can embrace that.
28:34Can't walk.
28:35Don't just be Patsy.
28:36These on.
28:38The tights are actually the worst bit, to be honest.
28:41Difficult to get on, but they do make my legs look nice, so beauty is pain.
28:45Look at these tights.
28:46There's something wrong with these.
28:48Definitely couldn't have joined the Royal Ballet.
28:50Just in case I was thinking of it, it was the tightest, it was the problem.
28:53Pull everything up.
28:54It'll hold it in place.
28:55Yeah.
28:56I can see you doing the action.
29:02Bigger hips.
29:03I see where they're going.
29:04I see.
29:05OK.
29:06You pop these on.
29:07And then we'll get one on the other side.
29:08OK.
29:09Look at that bum, look.
29:10Look at that bum.
29:12Oh, my good God.
29:13I felt like how I walk and how I am and me as a person dissolved away the more layers
29:21I put on into the drag.
29:23I don't want to be Will.
29:25I want to be this other person.
29:27I want to be the drag version of me.
29:29I want to be fabulous.
29:30Now we've got your body.
29:31Mm-hmm.
29:32Gives you more of a sense of what you want to be.
29:34I think I need to go big.
29:35We're thinking like sequins, sparkles.
29:37Through the face.
29:39Oh, it's going.
29:40Oh.
29:41Drag queens love a stretch fabric.
29:42It's all about play.
29:43We're playing dress up.
29:45We're finding who you are.
29:47What is that?
29:49That's...
29:50Is that not it?
29:51No, that's definitely not it.
29:52My character, my persona, loves showing a bit of skin.
29:59Loves being looked at.
30:00Very, very confident in her own body.
30:03Do you know what I look like?
30:05Someone from Greece.
30:06Like Hercules.
30:08I put the costume on and the wig.
30:11And I found that I had like a 90s, 50s posh woman living inside me that came out.
30:17Who'd have thought that?
30:19Wonder if she'll turn up on the night.
30:20We'll have to wait and see.
30:22Oh!
30:28She's finding her sea legs.
30:31Is it me or is she all moving?
30:43Now that we've tried some stuff on, how do we feel about what we want to present on the stage?
30:48Lip sync and go for it dance-wise.
30:50Why don't we pick a well-known empowerment anthem, something that will help you feel sexy and powerful in drag?
30:58Sounds good.
30:59Could you show us a little bit of what you do on stage and we can take some points from you?
31:02Absolutely.
31:03And then if you're really that confident, you just want to drop.
31:19Like this.
31:20That's the end of me.
31:21That's it.
31:22I'm not doing it all.
31:23Come on, let's have a go.
31:25Maybe.
31:26Yeah.
31:27Okay.
31:28Here we go.
31:29Here we go.
31:30She is worth every penny.
31:38Get ready to spin right now.
31:43Back.
31:44Back.
31:45Back.
31:49I think I'll work his stuff.
31:51I think you're ready.
31:52Thank you very much.
31:53You're gonna smash it.
31:54We want to make you proud.
31:55We want to make you proud.
31:56Thank you very much.
31:57Oh, I love it.
32:10Once that music starts and the spotlight is on, me and you are off.
32:13And for that moment, we're live.
32:15Do you know what?
32:16And that's it.
32:17We're in.
32:18Do you know what?
32:19We're gonna be like, okay, how's this gonna go?
32:20Okay, here we go.
32:21Adrenaline, adrenaline.
32:22We're gonna start.
32:23It's gonna go by in a blur and then it's gonna be done.
32:25And we're just gonna be like, ah!
32:28Hopefully, either that or I'm gonna break my ankle.
32:30We're gonna...
32:33With our drag debut looming, it's time to get made up.
32:40Hello.
32:41Hello, hello.
32:42Hello.
32:43How do you make this look good?
32:45Well, I mean, that's the age-old question.
32:47It's already good.
32:48We're just gonna make it a bit more bland.
32:52I'm in your hands.
32:53You do what you think looks right.
32:54I'm just gonna stick some of these hairs back.
32:57Can I ask, how long does it usually take?
33:00You need to get rid of your make-up.
33:02If it's for the show, we've got two hours.
33:04Two hours?
33:05Two hours.
33:06Two hours?
33:07For a quickie, then we could do it within 15 minutes now.
33:09It'll have to be very dark, though.
33:14There is a lot of glue and white going on your eyebrows, Will Miller.
33:18You look like the Phantom of the Opera.
33:21Get your mask on.
33:22Yeah, that's me.
33:23Yeah, get your mask on.
33:24Can we have a little chat about our names?
33:26I don't think I've got a name yet.
33:28I feel like I'm a shining diamond or...
33:31It's like someone who's passed it.
33:34Crystal Fabergé.
33:36Oh.
33:37That feels quite you.
33:38But I feel like I should be French and I can't do a French accent.
33:41You've got to think more Northern.
33:45Are we liking Ruby Rimmington?
33:47It's a little tug in cheek.
33:48It's like very that old sort of glamorous angle as well.
33:51Because I want to be glamorous, but also a key to her past.
33:55Miss Ruby Rimmington.
33:57Ruby Rimmington.
33:58It feels very you.
34:00I never thought I would ever feel like a classy woman.
34:06And as soon as I put that gear on and I put the outfit on and the wig,
34:11I felt like I was this older woman.
34:16Oh, I want to be called Tiffany.
34:18Tiffany's a great name.
34:19Oh, Tiffany just came to me and it feels right.
34:21It's cute and a bit playful.
34:23The more flamboyant I am, the more I draw attention to myself,
34:26the more outrageous I am, the better.
34:28It feels liberating.
34:29Well, you're breaking out of, like, the shackles of, like,
34:32what life is and can be, you know.
34:35And what's expected of you.
34:36Exactly.
34:37Yeah.
34:38And it's not just about the dressing up.
34:40It's, you know, drag, especially in the UK, I think.
34:45In times of adversity, it's just about taking the mickey out of
34:49what is expected of you in society.
34:52And for gay men especially, you know, taking that femininity
34:56that you're ridiculed for and saying,
34:59OK, if you're going to call me feminine, call me a little girl.
35:02Yeah.
35:03I'm going to take that myself and make it my own powerful thing.
35:06I'm going to reclaim it, repackage it.
35:07Yeah, yeah.
35:08I get that.
35:09I totally get that.
35:11Look at us now.
35:12How far we've come.
35:13I've only just noticed my lips.
35:15Yeah.
35:16And I am loving it.
35:17Somebody's fabulous!
35:20Yeah.
35:21How are we feeling tonight?
35:23Yeah!
35:24Are we feeling gorgeous?
35:25Yeah!
35:26Are we feeling fabulous?
35:27Yeah!
35:28Am I looking gorgeous?
35:29Yeah!
35:30My goodness.
35:31Are we ready for my first special guest?
35:32Yeah!
35:33I can't breathe.
35:34I can't stand up.
35:35Everything's going to be fabulous.
35:36Miss Ruby Remington is a Hollywood actress.
35:37She maybe only had a few roles.
35:38You might not have seen her a lot.
35:39But quite a few people have felt her.
35:40And she'd let you know.
35:41Tiffany Blue arrived fully formed almost from the moment I put these on.
36:05She's got it.
36:06She flaunts it.
36:07She's very comfortable in who she is.
36:08And it's like, why hide who I am?
36:09Welcome to the stage, the gorgeous, Camille Leon!
36:14Go on stage, Ralph!
36:26Oh my God, look what's going on!
36:29We'll go on stage, Ralph, in a minute.
36:39We'll go on stage, Ralph, in a minute.
36:47Oh my God!
36:56It's weird, it's like the drag finds you.
36:59When you put the layers on, you sort of become it.
37:02They fucking love us!
37:04Drag is something you become, it's not the clothes you wear,
37:07it's something that comes from inside,
37:09and then you just become it, and it happened.
37:11And that's what I took onto the stage.
37:17Okay, R.E.T., are you ready for our special guests?
37:23This one's very exciting, my loves.
37:25They're my new drag daughters.
37:28Everybody, would you like to know
37:30who our two drag versions are today?
37:33Yeah!
37:36It's Ralph Little!
37:39And Will Minner!
37:43Performing for the first time tonight,
37:47Miss Ruby Rubyton and Tiffany Blue!
38:03Just a few times tonight,
38:05we've got new clothes for you!
38:08And we've got new clothes for you!
38:09That's what I'm doing for your lovely girls!
38:14And these girls are promos at home!
38:16All right!
38:17Hey!
38:18Hey!
38:19Hey!
38:20Hey!
38:21Hey!
38:22Hey!
38:23Hey!
38:24Hey!
38:25Hey!
38:26Hey!
38:27Hey!
38:28Hey!
38:29Hey!
38:30Hey!
38:31Hey!
38:32I know it was the time
38:35Just about half past ten
38:38For the best time in history
38:42It's gonna start raining bad
38:46It's raining bad, I know I know
38:50It's funny because Tiffany Blue felt like she was a lot younger than Ruby Remington.
38:55I was trying to teach her the ropes of being a drag queen
38:58and she was a bit too raunchy.
39:00I had to give her a few taps on the bum.
39:02I was like, I told you, classy.
39:04It's a funny turnaround because
39:06Will ended up being like the sensible demure one.
39:30Masculine to me is power.
39:32And I've never felt more power than I did dress like this on that stage.
39:36I've been doing this job for 30 years.
39:40I don't think I've ever been as immersed in a character as I was tonight.
39:46I'll tell you what's hard in this outfit, everything.
39:50I've not had a piss for five hours.
39:52My dick and balls are somewhere down there but I don't know where.
39:54It's even harder to pick up a brolly.
39:56Just try and bend down.
39:58But we got there.
40:00It was really euphoric.
40:06This might actually be a little new avenue of work for me.
40:10It is an absolute privilege to do this in such an extraordinary building with so much history.
40:36And we really appreciate it.
40:46More than like.
40:48More than believable.
40:49I want to do it again.
40:50Enjoy it.
40:51Like five times.
40:52That is one of the most amazing things I've ever done.
40:55The reason why I wanted to perform as a kid was for that feeling.
40:59For that.
41:00There's nowhere else you get that kind of feeling and being on stage.
41:03But tonight was extra special because it was like a transformation.
41:09I was somebody else.
41:10I'm glad we took it seriously.
41:12I'm glad we give it everything because this community deserves it.
41:16They're amazing at what they do.
41:17Hello, love.
41:18Hi, babe.
41:20Come and meet the queens.
41:22Bye, Tiff.
41:26Bye, Tiff.
41:27I hope we meet again.
41:34There she goes.
41:35Hey!
41:36Wow, wow.
41:37Oi, oi.
41:38You were better than that and being bricklice.
41:41I love you.
41:42I didn't know I would think.
41:43I think my dad would have been proud to see me.
41:47Man, my dad was a proper man.
41:49You know what I mean?
41:50What you would class as a proper bloke.
41:52He was proud of whatever I did.
42:02It's just one of those things.
42:04I'm a performer.
42:05That's what I do.
42:06And he supported me.
42:08For a few to stop me at a young age.
42:11You know, and said, you're not going to do that, son.
42:14I would never be doing what I do now and having these experiences in life.
42:20Drag has revealed to me that the world is a more fun place
42:25when we aren't constrained by ideas that aren't necessarily true or set in stone.
42:32And we can just kind of be free and just do fun stuff.
42:36I would have said before this, I'm a typical masculine bloke.
42:39But I don't think that's true anymore.
42:41I think there's so many different sides to me.
42:44I find myself in different situations being different people to fit into how they see what a man is.
42:51And I shouldn't.
42:53I'm proud of who I am.
42:55I like performing.
42:56And I like doing different things.
42:58It doesn't make me less of a man or less masculine.
43:01Oh, my God!
43:03That's just my toes!
43:05Stop!
43:07Look at these gaffs!
43:08We're going to make our own cowboy film.
43:10This is terrifying!
43:13Slow down!
43:14There's no chance we're going to be able to do that.
43:17Well, you've got to let go.
43:18It's horrible, Ralph.
43:20I can't do it.
43:21Let's do it.
43:22I would like to shudder from the highest mountain to tell the world.
43:29I've been loving what it means to me.
43:36But all around there's violence and those to make me think again.
43:44Maybe one day they will understand.
43:51There's more to love.
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