- 2 days ago
Davey & Jonesie's Locker Season 1 Episode 5- Return to Fantasmanaria - FULL
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Not to sound dramatic, but running is literally a crime against humanity.
00:19Agreed.
00:20Anyone who does it for fun needs a psych evaluation.
00:23I wish we could just chill.
00:24I know.
00:25Okay, obviously, loving multiverse hopping with you.
00:30Likewise, no doubt.
00:31And I am in no rush to get back to the mess, so I left back home, but...
00:34Some parts of home are starting to sound pretty good.
00:38Coffee, different outfits.
00:39My therapist, Diane.
00:40My therapist, Diane.
00:41The fact that we both have therapist named Diane.
00:49Is that the tree of craving?
00:51The what?
00:51The tree we made up when we were kids.
00:56Remember?
00:57That grows whatever food you want?
00:59Um, I don't know.
01:02Sashimi.
01:03Yeah.
01:05Oh.
01:05Our old bikes!
01:07Aww.
01:09Strider?
01:10Cirque de Horsé!
01:11Good boy!
01:13Okay, wait.
01:14Okay, but why is all of our old stuff here?
01:17Dabbing around.
01:20Chills are not.
01:21Huh.
01:43Dude.
01:45Can't be.
01:47It is.
01:48Jonesy.
01:50We are standing in the make-believe fantasy world that we made up when we were eight.
01:55We're in Phantasmanaria!
01:59Oh.
02:06Katie?
02:09Uh...
02:11You good?
02:12Yes!
02:12Cool!
02:12Our old outfit!
02:13Our old outfit!
02:15This is wild!
02:16I haven't thought about Phantasmanaria in years!
02:17Like, when was the last time we even played this?
02:18I don't know.
02:19Yeah, I think it was like summer before seventh grade and we were probably too old to be playing pretend.
02:24Okay, wait.
02:25If this is a universe based on a world that we created, what if Schneider's not here?
02:26What if Schneider's not here?
02:27We didn't know him back then.
02:28Oh, I'm here.
02:32Right!
02:33We made that blanket rule that all adults are just loosely wizards?
02:38Yep.
02:39Amen.
02:40Well, I'm glad you find this so amusing because you're stuck here.
02:41Ugh.
02:42Dramatic.
02:43Why?
02:44Well, the science lab is kind of...
02:45Oh.
02:46Adorable.
02:47But not ideal for doing futuristic science.
02:48Exactly my point.
02:49Do you know how to reboot a portal with Eye of Newt?
02:51Because I sure do know how to reboot a portal with Eye of Newt?
02:53Then how have you been talking to the other Schneider?
02:54I managed to hack a magic mirror.
02:55It was very hard.
02:56You can kiss my glass.
02:57Oh.
02:58Love his energy.
02:59Don't side with the mirror.
03:00Unless you have some way of sourcing the materials I need, you're stuck here.
03:02You're stuck here.
03:03Ugh.
03:04Dramatic.
03:05Why?
03:06Well, the science lab is kind of...
03:07Oh.
03:08Adorable.
03:09But not ideal for doing futuristic science.
03:10Exactly my point.
03:11Do you know how to reboot a portal with Eye of Newt?
03:12Because I sure don't.
03:13Then how have you been talking to the other Schneider?
03:14I managed to hack a magic mirror.
03:15It was very hard.
03:16You can kiss my glass.
03:17Oh.
03:18Love his energy.
03:19Don't side with the mirror.
03:20If you have some way of sourcing the materials I need, you're stuck here for good.
03:25Plurp!
03:26I'm sorry, what?
03:27Oh, my God!
03:28Plurp!
03:29Yes, yes, yes.
03:30Okay.
03:31If there's a problem and we can't solve it, call in Plurp who shall resolve it.
03:35Plurp, to meet you, Mr. Schneider.
03:39What the hell?
03:42Hi, Plurp.
03:43Hi, hi.
03:44What is this thing?
03:46It's Plurp!
03:47Whenever we would make believe ourselves into a corner, we'd use Plurp.
03:50Basically gives you whatever you need to keep the story going.
03:52Right.
03:53Whatever you need to keep the story going.
03:55Well, first of all, that's very lazy writing.
03:57Second of all, how is this thing supposed to give me my tools to fix the portal?
04:01Okay, in our defense, we thought that this was hilarious when we were eight.
04:04What?
04:05You thought what was hilarious?
04:06Yes.
04:07I hear you got a problem, Mr. Schneider, and it's really tough.
04:10You're gonna love it.
04:11No.
04:12How about I make you some Plurp Plurp modern science stuff?
04:15No.
04:16Oh dear God.
04:18Still hilarious.
04:19Devondora the Mage and Jones-Lot the Knight.
04:34Herald the Herald, aka Mark.
04:36You have been summoned by the Prince for an official quest.
04:40Well, duty calls.
04:41Yeah.
04:42You girls go do your quest and me and Schneider will figure out how to fix that horror.
04:47Okay.
04:48Do it.
04:49So, should we make a little list of what we need?
04:53Plurp Plurp.
04:54No.
04:55Oh.
04:56Still got it.
04:57We're gonna have so much fun.
05:10Presenting the great heroes of Phantasmanaria, Devondora and Jones-A-Lot.
05:16Wow.
05:17That is a real snapshot of your turn-ons at the time.
05:33Yeah.
05:34And apparently now.
05:35Accurate.
05:36Davondora Jones-Lot.
05:37I was so pumped to hear of you guys' return.
05:42For years, no one has seen nor heard from our legendary heroes.
05:46But now that you've resurfaced, Phantasmanaria is saved!
05:51Did you say saved?
05:54From what?
05:55A great evil has taken over our realm.
05:59Not even I can defeat it.
06:01And I can bench press 15 pounds.
06:04I think I thought that was a lot of the time.
06:07Okay.
06:08This extremely mysterious evil has not only harshed up our kingdom and ruined the vibes.
06:12It's full-on stolen our life source.
06:15The book of Phantasmanaria.
06:18Someone stole the book we wrote all our old Phantasmanaria stories in?
06:22You know what?
06:23It'd actually be pretty cute to see all the stuff we wrote back then.
06:32Jamie?
06:33Did you just remember something incredibly specific?
06:35No.
06:37No.
06:38You must venture to the Underrealm and retrieve the great and powerful book.
06:42And only then can you defeat the great evil.
06:47So, who do you think the great evil is?
06:49Probably Snarlok's the Ice Witch.
06:51Sierra.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Oh, yeah.
06:54Oy.
06:55Not our most nuanced portrayal of, like, in culture, but also, like, Sierra, Ice Witch.
06:58Uh-huh.
06:59Yeah.
07:00We did her good.
07:01Yep.
07:02So, all we have to do is sneak down to the Underrealm, which I'm pretty sure is just the basement,
07:06defeat Sierra with our usual panache, get the book, and then we're good.
07:08This is, like, the easiest world ever.
07:09Wait!
07:10I...
07:11Yeah, I was thinking, what if we did the question full to avoid another anomaly unless you think
07:23quests are stupid?
07:24No!
07:25If you want to do it, yeah.
07:26We can do it.
07:27Yeah.
07:28Well, do you want to do it?
07:29I'll do it if you do it.
07:31Okay.
07:32Plus, we've always been awesome, so we bet our childhood fantasies have aged beautifully.
07:36Mm-hmm.
07:37Toot, toot!
07:43All aboard the Gumdrop Express.
07:45Gumdrop Express to the first trial.
07:48Thank you, Mark, for picking us up.
07:51Ooh.
07:52Yep.
07:53Okay.
07:54Ooh.
07:55Yeah.
07:57Gosh, Mr. Snyder, I sure do hate to rush you, but time's a-tickin', so we should plurply
08:10get started.
08:11Fine.
08:15Commencing portal rebuild.
08:17Motherboard?
08:18Plurp, plurp!
08:20Motherboard!
08:24Careful!
08:25It's hot and plurpy.
08:26Um, are you okay, Steven?
08:40Ha ha ha.
08:41Ha ha ha!
08:42Ha ha ha!
08:43Ha ha ha ha!
08:44Ha ha ha ha!
08:45Um.
08:46Ha ha ha!
08:47Yeah!
08:48Ha ha ha!
08:50Ha ha!
08:51.
08:53Thanks for riding the Gumdrop Express.
09:04We hope you had fun and hope to see you soon.
09:07Just go, Mark.
09:09What is that?
09:20Joyce?
09:22Yeah, remember?
09:24She came over in third grade once and asked to play Fantasmanaria with us.
09:27It was really fun.
09:29And we made her be a dore.
09:31That's kind of rude.
09:32Actually, we wanted her to be Irelina Stormwing, Duchess of the Cloud Realm,
09:36and then she asked to be a dore.
09:38Yeah, very on brand.
09:40You may pass as long as you answer these questions nine.
09:45What is one times ten?
09:48It's ten.
09:50Yeah, she would basically just ask us a bunch of math questions until her mom came to pick her up.
09:55Which, in retrospect, I think we were just doing our Kumon homework for her.
09:58I don't know.
10:00Nice one. I was way off.
10:02But if you thought that was hard, try this on for size.
10:05What is two times ten?
10:08Twenty.
10:09Awesome.
10:10Yeah.
10:11Pretty sophisticated stuff right there, right?
10:14We were incorporating math and making it fun and educational.
10:17It's thirty!
10:18Joyce, just take the number that you're multiplying and just add a zero to the end of it.
10:21Not that hard.
10:22Hmm, cool.
10:23Is something bothering you?
10:27No!
10:28No.
10:29It is fine.
10:30Um, we're gonna have to call a time out.
10:32My pencil got stuck.
10:34Dammit, Joyce.
10:35Can we please get through now?
10:37Oh, you're in a rush.
10:38Okay.
10:39Come in.
10:40It's typical.
10:45I am the preeminent mind.
10:48Yeah.
10:49Of my generation.
10:50Of any generation.
10:51Oh, yeah.
10:52Does anyone appreciate that?
10:53Not enough.
10:54No.
10:55I'm always just a pawn in someone else's narrative.
10:58Gotcha.
10:59I've only ever used my genius to help other people.
11:03What do they do?
11:04Reject me?
11:05Betray me?
11:06Yeah.
11:07Report my private, but only mildly dangerous experiments to a mom ethics committee.
11:12Look, is this about today?
11:14Here I am, in a wizard's hat.
11:16Yeah.
11:17Cleaning up after two unhinged teenagers so they can go through my portal.
11:22Oh, boy.
11:23Oh, but it's fine.
11:24Who cares?
11:25Mm-hmm.
11:26That's just what it means to be a Schneider.
11:28Wow.
11:29Sounds like you've got some major emotional baggage to work through, Steven.
11:33Well, I guess we Schneiders have been under a lot of stress lately.
11:36Well, if you've got an issue, grab a tissue.
11:51You're welcome.
11:56Are you sure you're okay?
11:58Yeah.
11:59Yep.
12:00Just getting my quest on, taking the quest, waving my hands in the quest air and questing them around.
12:05Yeah.
12:06It's just that it didn't sound right.
12:07Yep.
12:08Everything's good in the quest or hood.
12:09So.
12:11Reserve for the guests of the hottest event in a million years.
12:19Welcome, travelers, to the hottest social events of the seventh grade.
12:23Right.
12:24This must be when Emil was pre-planning his bar mitzvah.
12:27A meal in Wonderland, through the looking glass of boyhood to manhood.
12:31Good name.
12:32Yeah.
12:33I gave it to him.
12:34Really?
12:35Played the long game on that one.
12:37I didn't say you were invited.
12:40Okay.
12:42Now, the key to a good par-tay is a good guest list.
12:45And to snag an invite to this foray, I need to be...
12:51Dazzled.
12:53Why?
12:54Now, to prove you got what I'm looking for, I need to see something so snatched and so
12:59fire, it'll leave me suck.
13:03Firmly written in 2018.
13:05Uh-huh.
13:06I need to see.
13:07The routine.
13:13Oh, God.
13:14What routine?
13:15Our old handshake.
13:16You don't remember?
13:17It was really complicated, so we had to switch it to the understated elegance of the no-look-high-five.
13:22It was with me that you did this?
13:24Yeah.
13:25Okay.
13:26The biggest faux pas any guest can commit is boring me.
13:29You have ten seconds to remember your routine before you get bounced off the premises.
13:34Ten.
13:35Nine.
13:36Okay, you can't even use a long...
13:37Just start, and then maybe it'll drop my memory.
13:39I don't want to do it alone.
13:40Five.
13:41I don't remember.
13:42You...
13:43Four.
13:44Three.
13:45Three.
13:46Three.
13:47Two.
13:48One.
13:50D to the A to the V.
13:51EY.
13:52She ain't got no alibi.
13:53Louder!
13:56J to the one, can't you see?
13:58Johnsy, Johnsy's who she be.
14:00Did I dance?
14:01Did I dance?
14:03So pay your fee and take your knee as we drop this dopest poetry.
14:12Remix.
14:13Remix.
14:14Era, era, era.
14:15Oink.
14:16We're two girls who are number one.
14:17Each of us comes second to none.
14:18We're the illest, the realest, the baddest around.
14:19Two best friends gonna rock this town.
14:21So if you wanna join our crew, take a number, enjoy the queue.
14:24Enjoy the queue! Woo!
14:32Bravo! Bravo!
14:34Now, try an Emil-tini. It's Red Bull with top rocks on the rim.
14:38Oh, transport's ready for your next challenge?
14:40And don't forget your goodie bags on your way out.
14:42Dude, that was amazing! I can't believe you remembered all of that!
14:46I can't believe you forgot.
14:48What? Are you mad at me?
14:50No.
14:54Jeez.
14:58Awkward!
15:04You know, I'm a giver. That's the problem.
15:06I've always been someone who gives. Needle-nose pliers?
15:09Plurp, plurp! Needle-nose pliers!
15:14You know, I'm getting kinda tired!
15:16And people see that, and they just take advantage of it,
15:18and that's the way it always was at mom.
15:20Having my intelligence constantly taken advantage of.
15:24Yup. I can relate.
15:26Did I ever get any credit for it?
15:27Did Steven ever get a moment in the sun?
15:29Probably not.
15:30You're darn right I didn't.
15:32You know, plurp, you and I are two sides of the same coin.
15:35You know? We just give, and we give, and we give hacksaw.
15:38Oh, yeah, yeah. You know Steven, I usually only make one or two things at a time,
15:42and I've got this heart condition, so I really shouldn't...
15:46One hacksaw.
15:48Anyway, we give, and we give, and we give, and we give, and we give, and we give.
15:52Hacksaw!
15:53And then, what do you have to show for it?
15:54We deserve so much more.
15:56You know?
15:58Speaking of which, maybe we could take a little break.
16:01Or at least, uh, change the subject.
16:03Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
16:06Enough about me.
16:07Let's get into my father.
16:08Now there is a man with zero self-awareness.
16:12Well, at least you got to ride the Gumdrop Express again, right?
16:30I go, I go, I take you.
16:34I go, I go, I take you.
16:38Last stop. Final trial of great evil in the book of Phantasmanaria.
16:43Wait, are we at the end of the quest?
16:53Okay, when you're done dramatically remembering something that you refuse to tell me about,
16:56can we get this over with, please?
16:57Well, we should probably go see Schneider, because we haven't seen him in a while,
17:00and maybe we should go and see what's up.
17:02What about causing an anomaly?
17:03I miss being chased by Cheryl, because it was great cardio.
17:06Okay, as much as I love this whole Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde thing you're doing,
17:09I'm just going to get the book myself.
17:10Wait, Jonesy!
17:11Jonesy, wait!
17:25Whoa.
17:26Is that Sierra?
17:27Yes.
17:28Was Snarlok's The Ice Witch always stabbed?
17:30No.
17:31I just want you to know that this is, like, really messed up and I'm telling.
17:39I don't get it.
17:40If Snarlok's isn't the great evil, then what is?
17:45Oh, no.
17:46Is that a bubble tea straw?
17:48Okay, we gotta get out of here, now!
17:51Hold up.
17:52The book.
17:53Oh, look!
17:54It's Mark's train!
17:55And blurb!
17:56Cute!
17:57What's that?
17:58Nothing.
17:59It's nothing.
18:00We should really, we should really go.
18:01What's that?
18:02Nothing.
18:03It's nothing.
18:04We should really, we should really go.
18:05What's that?
18:06Nothing.
18:07It's nothing.
18:08We should really, we should really go.
18:09Okay?
18:22Ugh.
18:26Okay.
18:27Um.
18:29Do you remember the summer going to 7th grade
18:31when we were supposed to go back to drama camp,
18:33but then my grandma gave my entire family mono
18:34so then I couldn't go,
18:35so then you decided to go to computer camp instead?
18:38Kind of?
18:39And then, uh, you made friends with another girl
18:42and kept sending me postcards all summer
18:44about how much fun you two were having,
18:46and then when you got back, you two kept hanging out,
18:48and all she wanted to do was go get bubble tea at the mall,
18:50and you didn't want to play Fantasmanaria anymore.
18:52Dude, that was, like, two weeks of one summer.
18:55I barely even remember her.
18:56Yeah, exactly. That makes sense in retrospect,
18:58especially since she moved back to Seattle,
18:59and we literally never talked about her again.
19:01But at the time, okay,
19:03I may have colorfully expressed some feelings
19:05into the Book of Fantasmanaria,
19:07and I regretted it.
19:09I regretted it right away, and I scratched it out,
19:11but I'm sorry, okay?
19:13Jonesy, I swear, I didn't know this was gonna happen.
19:15What was going to happen?
19:23Oh, my God, is that...?
19:25Emily Hess, the bubble tea-drinking girl
19:27from computer camp.
19:28Oh, my God!
19:29Oh, my God!
19:30Oh, my God!
19:31Oh, my God!
19:32Oh, my God!
19:33Oh, my God!
19:34Oh, my God!
19:35Oh, my God!
19:36Oh, my God!
19:37Oh, my God!
19:38Oh, my God!
19:39Are you serious?
19:40Did you know that she was the great evil this whole time,
19:42and that's why you wanted to do the quest to stall?
19:44No!
19:45I just didn't want you to see the book, okay?
19:46And I didn't know that my tween, angsty drama
19:48was gonna come to life in this specific of a way.
19:56Time for your makeover, girl!
20:06It's really fixated on the bubble tea thing.
20:08Oh, my God!
20:09Oh!
20:10Oh!
20:11Oh!
20:12In the hut.
20:14Oh!
20:15I-I'm sorry, okay?
20:16Oh!
20:17Oh!
20:18Oh!
20:19Oh!
20:20Oh!
20:21Oh!
20:22Oh!
20:23Oh!
20:24Oh!
20:25Oh!
20:26Oh!
20:27Oh!
20:28Oh!
20:29Plurt, my man. This is it.
20:33Portal's back online.
20:35And in a way, so am I.
20:37Thanks in part to you.
20:38Good. Great. Cool.
20:40What would a celebration be without a little toast?
20:43You've got to be kidding me.
20:45Garcon, a bottle of the 1995 Dom Perignon and two glass flutes.
20:49Glass flutes?
20:50Ah, you know what, Steven? Live a little.
20:52Let's make them crystal, shall we?
20:54Crystal flutes?
20:55And plurt.
20:57You okay? What's wrong?
20:58What's wrong?
20:59What's wrong?
21:00What's wrong?
21:01What's wrong?
21:02What's wrong?
21:04You are what's wrong!
21:13Come out! Come out!
21:15Wherever you are, child.
21:17I want to make you look gawsh.
21:19Davy, what was in that book?
21:21What do you mean? It was this?
21:23I know you. You wrote something else.
21:25It's makeover o'clock, babe!
21:28What makeover?
21:30When Emily S catches you, she's gonna turn you into a sheep.
21:35What?
21:36I can't believe you.
21:38I didn't think. I'm sorry.
21:40What do you think? That Emily S put some sort of coolness smell on me and I was too much of a sheep to even realize it?
21:45Well, it's not about Emily S, okay? It's obviously about us.
21:50I could tell that you weren't in a fantasy area anymore because it was too babyish and you were all mature all of a sudden.
21:57And I freaked out because I felt like you were leaving me behind.
22:00But I didn't.
22:01Yeah, but what if you do, Jonesy?
22:04Look at today. You don't even remember it. We've been playing this for years.
22:08What if this thing that I thought defined our friendship means like nothing to you?
22:13You got friends with a magical dream to be the best adventurers the world's ever seen.
22:32Going on quests and saving the day.
22:37Oh no!
22:38And also solving crimes and stuff if that's what they feel like.
22:43Fantasmanaria Anthem.
22:45It's so cringe.
22:47Just because my memory sucks doesn't mean that Fantasmanaria didn't mean anything to me.
22:54So take a trip, I dare ya!
22:57To the world of Fantasmanaria.
23:00Everything cool and fair, yeah!
23:03Fantasmanaria?
23:05Fantasmanaria?
23:06Fantasmanaria?
23:07Fantasmanaria?
23:08Fantasmanaria?
23:09Fantasmanaria?
23:11Fantasmanaria?
23:12Fantasmanaria?
23:13Fantasmanaria?
23:14Fantasmanaria?
23:15Um, okay.
23:16That was like, cute or whatever, but I'm more like here, maturity-wise.
23:22So, bye.
23:23Oh my god, that's so embarrassing.
23:27Well...
23:28Rude!
23:30rude and because manners are actually mature yeah so she always sucked anyways
23:37Davindora and Jones-a-lot resolve their differences peace was restored to the realm of
23:48phantasmalaria but more importantly between these two friends
24:00oh come on right because of the story we wrote generates life in this world we should have
24:18not written the end and the girls are back to running seriously I asked if you wanted to talk
24:27and within seconds you sucked up all the air in the room would it kill you to show some gratitude man
24:32you think everyone is out to get you but you have no concept of how your behavior is affecting them
24:39you know what it takes to blurb out something three times the size of your own body
24:44I thought you liked
24:45you should stop expecting everyone else to change and start looking inward
24:49because you are nothing but an oblivious self-centered gaming vortex of me
24:54and now I'm having a heart attack
24:57what
24:58what the hell did you do to blurb we leave you alone for one B story and this is what happens
25:15what did I do you didn't tell me he wasn't intended for long-term use
25:19well yes because we obviously assumed that you would just ask him for a working portal device
25:23and not use him until he literally exploded
25:25oh what have I done
25:28oh boy
25:32okay uh is the portal online or
25:37yeah
25:38well um hey best of luck with all with all this stuff okay
25:44okay
25:46I think maybe I do need to look kidward
25:49well never mind them
25:55you got this baby come on
26:01come on
26:02come on
26:03come on
26:04come on
26:05come on
26:06come on
26:08come on
26:09come on
26:10come on
26:11totally okay
26:12sorry sorry sorry sorry
26:14come on
26:15come on
26:16should we talk about how we just destroyed an entire universe
26:18well we also created it so I think it nets out
26:20so I think it nets out
26:22you tell me that you love me
26:27and I know you better than you know yourself
26:34never never never say forever
26:37never never never say forever never never if you know you're gonna tear me apart
26:41never never never say forever never never if you think you're gonna break my heart
26:48break my heart
26:50break my heart
26:57so never never never say forever never ever if you think you're gonna break my heart
27:03break my heart
27:18you
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