- 4 months ago
Davey & Jonesie's Locker Season 1 Episode 7- The Big Game - FULL
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00You
00:23Are we ready?
00:25It's showtime
00:30Sometimes I wish we got to pick
00:32Okay, fate taken, what would you pick?
00:35Something I'm good at, like dramatic monologue world or shrimp eating world
00:40Yeah, I would not argue with shrimp eating world
00:42Or a world based on what is objectively the greatest written TV show of all time
00:49Glimmerdale
00:51The high school drama series with so many plot twists, it feels like the writing staff stopped drinking water
00:56Other than you, it's the love of my life
00:58Oh, thank you
01:00What would you pick?
01:01I don't know
01:02Maybe like some kind of dark anime world
01:05Ooh, or something with mech suits
01:07Yeah
01:08What about this, it's like a hard sci-fi world where we finally learn that our entire existence is actually just like a simulated reality created by some post-human society like centuries into the future
01:19But I would settle for anime mech suits
01:24Cool
01:25And specific
01:26Thank you
01:27Why I need a lucky charm these days
01:31Cause you don't know what can happen
01:34Why you need a lucky charm these days
01:36Don't know
01:37Why you need a lucky charm these days
01:38Don't know
01:39Why you need a lucky charm these days
01:44Letterman jackets, cheerleaders cheerleading for no reason, hot background students visibly
01:54in their mid-twenties.
01:55My best God I wish, we're in Glamortale!
01:59One, two, three, four, five, when I wake up, something burning deep inside, can we make
02:04it now? Can we make it now?
02:08Hey, girl.
02:10Oh my God. All the blood is fishing too late.
02:14Okay, mazzles, mazzles on that, but is it all weird to you that you got exactly what you were
02:18hoping for after one random conversation about it?
02:20I can't think about that, okay? This is the greatest thing that's ever happened in my freaking life.
02:24Okay, first, we're gonna go to the girls' locker room, because cheerleaders are probably in
02:29a seance, and then we can go to the boys' locker room, and we dramatically split up a Pingle Pongle
02:33ring, or whatever designer drug that they've invented this season, and then I'm gonna kiss
02:37someone with tongue, and it's gonna be a-
02:39Breathe, breathe, breathe.
02:40Okay.
02:41I'm seeing stars, I'm seeing stars.
02:42Okay?
02:43Yes, yes, no, I understand.
02:44Very exciting, very exciting, but I just want you to think about that we've been to some
02:46worlds, it seemed like they were gonna be really great, and then they turned out to
02:48be-
02:49Yes.
02:50You're right, DJ world.
02:51A mega-mixed nightmare.
02:52Yes.
02:53Totally, completely.
02:54Okay, we're gonna go find Schneider, and we're gonna confirm that my dreams are coming
02:58true, and then we're gonna strap in.
03:01Atta girl.
03:02Did you see Abbott?
03:03Yes, I saw him.
03:04I'm gonna pass out.
03:05Hey, Schneider.
03:06It's us.
03:07Okay, so what's the deal with this world, and why are you actually prepping for class,
03:23and not freaking out and working on the portal?
03:25Thanks for your questions.
03:26Please have a seat.
03:27Just triple checking here, we are in Glimmerdale world, right?
03:31Correct.
03:32Please have a seat.
03:33Yes!
03:34I knew it!
03:35I don't know what she's putting in here, I guess, but I cannot believe how chilled this
03:39Schneider is about us being here.
03:41Yeah, well, I think he's just doing it for the other kids, you know?
03:44Plus, we're not gonna cause an anomaly in this world.
03:46You were talking to the Glimmerdale fan club president, not really actually, but maybe
03:53but that-
03:54I'd love to see your business card.
03:55Okay, let's get started on chapter three, a review of the anatomy of the seahorse.
04:00Number one, the pectoral fin.
04:03Okay, so we gotta find out what our storyline is, and then we blend in.
04:07Easy piece.
04:08What up, girls?
04:09Does Schrodingheiklamen keep getting crushed by the sludge high seahorses, so you two better
04:14have ideas on how to prank them into the ground?
04:16Okay, that was, um, all they phrased.
04:19Area two, the snout and eye zone of the seahorse.
04:22Figured you'd be primed for the job ever since you pranked the principal into revealing
04:25she was a ghost last year.
04:26So good.
04:27So good.
04:28Right, that storyline.
04:29I mean, very real event that happened.
04:33We will get right on that.
04:35A prank episode?
04:37Gosh, I was kinda hoping for something like sexy supernatural storyline.
04:41Are prank storylines even a thing?
04:43Of course.
04:44The eye is the most vulnerable part of the seahorse, but watch out for the eye spine.
04:48Psst.
04:49Area three, the keel or soft underbelly.
04:53Yeah.
04:54Things are looking up.
05:08And by things, I mean my...
05:12And by thi-
05:14I thought you were gonna interrupt me.
05:17No, I wanted to hear where the double entendre was going.
05:19Oh, it wasn't gonna be good.
05:20It was gonna be kinda gross.
05:21Oh.
05:22Yeah.
05:26Wait.
05:27We have to talk to Schneider.
05:29Right.
05:30What was I thinking?
05:31Um, something gross?
05:33Yeah.
05:34It was really gross.
05:35Yeah.
05:36What?
05:37Where'd he go?
05:40How did he leave so fast?
05:43He's probably just on his way to faculty fight club.
05:46Or, uh, having an affair with a mob boss mom or something.
05:49And instead of working on the portal?
05:52Yeah.
05:53I mean, we all have to play our parts in order to blend in.
05:56Like right now, Abbott wants to confess to me some deep, dark secret.
06:04Oh, yeah.
06:05He is a tortured, loose rules vampire for sure.
06:10Okay.
06:11Gotta go deal with this.
06:12Wouldn't wanna cause an anomaly.
06:14Hey.
06:15Okay.
06:16See ya.
06:17Okay.
06:18Hold up.
06:19If you're gonna do that, then what am I supposed to do?
06:22Great cue.
06:23There is that prank thing that Sierra and Emile were-
06:26Davey, who's that?
06:30Oh.
06:31And that right there is your story.
06:34There is your storyline.
06:36Straight out of season one.
06:38A serial killer plaguing the town until one teen journalist brings him to justice.
06:45So I'm supposed to take down a serial killer while you make out with a hot maybe vampire in the stairwell?
06:50Well, you can't argue with the logic of a show with no logic.
06:55Okay.
06:56Good luck, kiddo.
06:57You'll be great.
06:58Oh, Abbott, I want to suck your face.
07:02Attention, students.
07:03Principal neighbors here.
07:04If anyone has any ideas on how to really prank the sludge-eye seahorses at the big game, please come see me in my office.
07:11Take me in my office.
07:12Okay.
07:13Take me under.
07:14Love me until I'm finished.
07:18Oh.
07:19Davy.
07:20I didn't see you there.
07:21I've got a problem.
07:22That only you can help me with.
07:23Okay.
07:24Yeah.
07:25Well, let me guess.
07:32Oh, Davy, I didn't see you there.
07:45I've got a problem that only you can help me with.
07:49Okay.
07:50Yeah.
07:51Let me guess.
07:53You're one way by day and by night another.
07:58Constantly at war with your one true nature.
08:00Always trying to hide the beast within.
08:05I bet you don't have to hide anymore.
08:07I know that you're...
08:10a vampire.
08:15Yes.
08:16I thought you were going to say it was...
08:17Yes, that's it.
08:19You figured it out.
08:21Shh, shh, shh, shh.
08:24Your secret's safe with me, okay?
08:27You can be yourself with me.
08:30Just a lone teen looking for an on-campus serial killer.
08:41Because that's whose responsibility that should be.
08:46Hey.
08:47Hey.
08:48Hey!
08:50Hey, stop!
08:51Stop!
08:51In the name of teen journalism!
08:54I'm done!
08:54I'm so dumb!
09:06Okay, Glimmerdale's usually a more funny-dumb, not creepy-dumb.
09:11That's a no for me.
09:31It's just so hard being a vampire.
09:35Oh, I know.
09:36Especially with this big game coming up.
09:39Right.
09:40Right.
09:41Hey.
09:43Wouldn't you rather talk about how only my love can save you from your incurable bloodthirst?
09:49Shh!
09:52There'll be plenty of time for that.
09:54But first...
09:55Any prank ideas?
10:02Hmm?
10:03Please.
10:04Davey.
10:05You're the only one who can save me.
10:08From the sledge-high seahorses.
10:11Abbott.
10:13Abbott, Abbott, Abbott.
10:15Ha, ha.
10:15You are one and tough nut to crack.
10:19But it's a good thing that I'm the right nutcracker to crack that stuff.
10:27Dude, we have to talk.
10:30Hi, Abbott.
10:32Sup?
10:34Okay, so, uh, updates.
10:37Abbott is a vampire, and we nearly bonked us twice.
10:41That's great, but, um...
10:41I'm just not too sure that this is Glimmerdale.
10:44How could it not be?
10:46Everything that's happened is out of a classic episode.
10:49Remember, students, the only way to defeat the sledge-high seahorses at the big football game
10:53is with some of your best tactical prank ideas.
10:55Get those in to me, the principal, ASAP.
10:58Do you see?
10:59Like, like, like that.
11:00I don't remember Glimmerdale putting this much emphasis on seahorses.
11:04And you know what?
11:05I'm very confused because I don't even understand.
11:07What do they want us to do?
11:08Do they want us to prank them, or do they want us to beat them at football?
11:10Davey, it's very...
11:11Okay.
11:12Well, you're picking out plots here because...
11:14Because you've got a smart person brain,
11:15but Glimmerdale needs you done, baby.
11:18Okay?
11:19It's a show where all the plots are holes.
11:22Yes, that is...
11:22That is true.
11:23But nothing seems fishy to you?
11:26As in a disproportionate amount of literally fish-related content?
11:31The pectoral fin of the seahorse.
11:34That's not even that weird for the show.
11:35It's a bravely sexy mess with selective logic and sloppy world-building,
11:39and that's why it deserves an Emmy.
11:41Okay, Davey, I say this is love,
11:42but is it possible that you are pulling a Davey
11:44and refusing to see anything other than what you want to see?
11:47Move!
11:48Why?
11:50Pulling a Davey?
11:51When have I ever done that?
11:52It means to see that your parents were throwing you a surprise party
11:54when it was not your birthday,
11:56and they were very clearly taking you to the orthodontist
11:58to get your retainer titan.
12:00Okay, well, it's not my fault they gave me a party hat.
12:02You gave you a party hat.
12:03Okay, well, Schneider says that it's Glimmerdale, so...
12:07Boom!
12:07Okay, where is he?
12:09Why has he come to find us about the portal?
12:10I'm so quick now!
12:12The pizza time!
12:13I'm so slow!
12:14See, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see, see?
12:15Just, don't do that over here.
12:17I got him, please.
12:18Okay, I think you're wrong, but...
12:19Jonesy!
12:20Talking in the hallway, that's an automatic attention!
12:22What, since when?
12:23Look at the principal neighbor!
12:25Davey!
12:25What?
12:26Davey!
12:27No!
12:28Where are you going, Davey?
12:29With Jonesy.
12:31No!
12:32You have to come with me!
12:34Why?
12:36Not here.
12:37I'll tell you about it in the secret speakeasy malt shop hidden in the basement.
12:41So did Pete's basement malt house!
12:44But I really should.
12:46The password to get in is just a saucy dance.
12:51That is so dumb.
12:52Oh, Schneider, thank God the detention is with you.
13:18So, like, is this actually a Glimmerdale world?
13:21Thank you for your question.
13:22Please have a seat.
13:24Well...
13:24You're not going to cause an anomaly.
13:28There's nobody else in here.
13:30Thank you for your question.
13:31Please have a seat.
13:32What the hell was that?
13:42Okay, I don't know what's going on, but I'm starting to think that...
13:45Thank you for your question.
13:47Please write 100 lines about how to defeat the Sludge High Seahorses.
13:50Goodbye.
13:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
14:21this place is awesome the 50s jukebox the unspoken implication that teens and an adult
14:30biker gang should all hang out together in the same place oh guys this has been awesome but i
14:35really should be getting going to the ow you can't leave not until it helped us with our problem
14:44okay let me guess um haunted board game cheerleader coven evil nun cult that is brainwashing all the
14:56adults kind of uh we want to know what you would do to help best make a sludge high c forces at the
15:03big game this again why is it so important to defeat them because they're working for my
15:13that literally all checks out well good thing you came to me okay come close
15:23let's assume that the seahorses are going to use abbott's vampire powers to open up a hell mouth
15:31under the field then while half of us infiltrate the coven by pretending to be under its curse
15:37the other half of us will find out which one of the teachers is actually secret working
15:42for the fbi so we'll get the impression that a meal has been eaten by the demon swim coach
15:48but don't worry he's with interpol so then everyone will transfer their powers to me
15:52so then i can stop the football mafia before their neutron bomb destroys the school
15:57so what do you think just tell us how to build a big laser
16:04good one davy maybe a burger and a malt will help you come up with better ideas
16:15the pectoral fin of the seahorse yeah that's gonna be a no from me
16:24fence fence come back girl we just want to know your plan for the big game we hate football
16:45you don't belong here
16:51part of the seahorse but watch out for the eye spine
17:09sometimes i wish we got to pick post-human society centuries into the future
17:15they're to the future
17:16wait isn't this where we started
17:19okay what is going on hey
17:30seahorses rule
17:33hey hey you know what we are not actually from this world okay we're traveling through
17:55the multiverse trying to get home we don't belong here this isn't this isn't real these
17:59aren't real okay not to bust this weird role you're on aren't you a little scared of cheryl
18:06no cheryl because i did not just cause an anomaly because we are not actually in glimmerdale
18:13the world we are in a simulation
18:20devian jonesy you figured out my master plan what jonesy you literally call this was a simulation
18:49holy smokes i am like out of this world impressed right now you're freaking genius
18:55i'm not even gonna lie like this is probably the most ecstatic i've ever been in my entire life
19:00um excuse me sorry yep sorry yeah there's just a lot going on here you know uh okay
19:09who are you we'll start there i am the one you call emil
19:15emil
19:16emil
19:17call me lobster emil
19:19lobster emil
19:21make that general lobster emil
19:24general lobster emil
19:25can you just tell us what's going on please
19:27lobsters and seahorses have been locked in a bitter war for decades
19:35wait weren't we in lobster world like 90 worlds ago
19:39you don't belong here
19:42i'm actually good with this yeah this rules
19:44yeah but that was only for like a second because lobster schneider he had his tech together let me tell
19:49you that right right right okay so now we're back is that a thing can we do that oh my god
19:56silence can i please continue yeah sorry for years we have suffered at the hands of the cruel
20:05seahorses with their superior technology and reproductive rate we were hopelessly outnumbered
20:12and outgunned but then one fateful day i saw you infiltrate our universe using advanced portal
20:21technology such tactical prowess could only mean one thing that you were from an advanced scientific
20:27dimension capable of designing weapons that would finally allow us to turn the tides of
20:32battle i spent years trying to find a way to bring you back sorry did you say years
20:37lobsters live much longer than humans so time moves faster here
20:42does that make sense no just go with it anyway we built an interdimensional hook
20:51that could drag you back to our world through your portal we knew you were unlikely to give up your
20:57technology without a fight our only option was to scan your brains by force but there was no trace of
21:06your portal schematics tactical stratagems weapons nothing it was almost like your minds were empty
21:16which could only mean one thing that you had encrypted your brain to protect your classified
21:21memories against rudimentary mind hacking leaving us with only one option to design an advanced
21:28simulation to lull you into a false sense of security and trick you into revealing your secrets that way
21:35we chose an environment so familiar that you'd never think to question it
21:40your old high school wait so you scanned our brains and thought my memories of glimmerdale were our
21:47actual high school your mind was full of them by far the most prominent memories we could find
21:53we just assumed oh my god i have wasted my youth oh big time sorry did that was that rude no no no
22:00my disappointment is only in myself okay i see now that we were fools to try to outmaneuver you
22:08but please almighty once use your god-like scientific genius to help us destroy the seahorses for good
22:15okay yeah um sort of the thing we we can't help you wait what uh first off you guys seem pretty evil
22:25yourselves yeah this is a lot more annihilation talk than we usually side with oh uh well second
22:29you have just radically overestimated how much we know about science which is nothing nothing nothing
22:35at all but you predicted the probability of our simulation from the start yeah i just watch a
22:40lot of sci-fi i don't actually uh fly the sci myself you know what i'm saying but you guys you seem
22:47to be pretty good at it because you um built an entire simulation and also an interdimensional hook
22:53but then who built your portal i did and they know nothing sir just let them go schneider you're involved
23:02in this oh yep yep no this is all making sense now adoy i was hacking into the simulation to help you
23:08break free you did what traitor oh you were the one in the trench coat then why were you in a disguise
23:14if you were trying to help us yeah you know you really slowed down this whole convoluted simulation
23:18reveal thing i didn't want to get in trouble with the authorities and there it is sounds like
23:30enough you're all in trouble and this whole thing has been a huge waste of time and resources at this
23:38point i'm just gonna cut my losses and eat you for sustenance i'm sorry what
23:44i saw that coming
23:48the tide has turned they found us no no no no you'll drive on my caravan is that a seahorse with a leaf
23:58lover i love today me too oh for god's sakes let's just go
24:03so uh what are you gonna do now that you've been branded as a traitor use your superior technology to
24:14unite the warring factions in a bid for peace no i only helped you get out of the simulation to get rid
24:20of you i've been de-synced here for centuries i've come to loathe the seahorses especially after they
24:27murdered my family so now i'm building a weapon of mass destruction to kill them all wow backstory
24:34back backstory city yeah okay hey good luck with all that or no good luck i don't know okay bye bye
24:43goodbye goodbye goodbye toodaloo all right take care all right now to bathe in the blood of the seahorses
24:59steven simon schneider how do you know my name i'm from the future and you're about to make a grave
25:10mistake who are you i'm your son but how follow me if you want to live
25:29you
25:59We'll see you next time.
Be the first to comment