- vor 2 Tagen
Diese Folge ist im englischem Originalton.
Eines Tages wird Dharma klar, dass Greg Sex mit ihr schon im Voraus plant. Er hat sogar einen Kalender, der ihm sagt, welche sexuelle Aktivität wann gefragt ist! Dharma ist völlig enttäuscht, wagt es aber nicht, mit Greg darüber zu reden. Statt dessen unternimmt sie diverse Versuche, Greg von seinem gewohnten Rhythmus abzubringen: So reibt sie sich zum Beispiel die Achselhöhlen mit Käse ein. Doch Greg kennt seine Pflichten als Ehemann und macht weiter wie immer.
Eines Tages wird Dharma klar, dass Greg Sex mit ihr schon im Voraus plant. Er hat sogar einen Kalender, der ihm sagt, welche sexuelle Aktivität wann gefragt ist! Dharma ist völlig enttäuscht, wagt es aber nicht, mit Greg darüber zu reden. Statt dessen unternimmt sie diverse Versuche, Greg von seinem gewohnten Rhythmus abzubringen: So reibt sie sich zum Beispiel die Achselhöhlen mit Käse ein. Doch Greg kennt seine Pflichten als Ehemann und macht weiter wie immer.
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SpaßTranskript
00:00Oh! Help! Help! There's a pirate after my precious doubloon!
00:06Ah! Come back here, Wenz! Come out!
00:09Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Are you okay?
00:13I stubbed my toe. I'm gonna take the eye patch off.
00:16Oh, Drake. Think you're just a naked guy with a stuffed parrot on his shoulder.
00:21Alright, alright. I'll put it back on. But you have to slow down.
00:25Okay, but promise on your honor there'll be no monkey business.
00:30Aye, I swear.
00:34You swore on your honor.
00:36Ah, pirates have no honor.
00:39Oh, that's quite a bird you've got there.
00:42Thank you.
00:43And I like your parrot, too.
01:00Well, here we are.
01:10So what do you think?
01:12What is that smell?
01:14Oh, Dharma. How could you drag us to this...
01:18third world petri dish?
01:21Be patient. It grows on you.
01:24Oh, I'll bet it does.
01:27Well, couldn't we at least find a clean table?
01:30Not here.
01:32Dharma, I think I saw a board of health notice out front.
01:35You probably did.
01:36Dharma, I cannot possibly stay here.
01:40Hang on.
01:41Hang on for what?
01:43Hey, good afternoon, ladies.
01:44Oh.
01:45Oh.
01:46The specials are on the board.
01:47Oh.
01:48Oh.
01:49The specials are on the board.
01:50I'm sure they are.
01:56Get back, Loretta.
01:58It's time.
01:59Still wanna leave?
02:01Well, we're here.
02:03Oh, this is bad karma.
02:06I'm gonna get pinched in Italy.
02:10I must say, I do think it is a bit inappropriate
02:13for a group of married women to be ogling
02:16an admittedly magnificent young man.
02:22Kitty, I love Greg, and there will never be anyone else for me.
02:26But if I'm not free to appreciate a handsome man,
02:29then I'm not free to appreciate a beautiful sunset
02:32or a magnificent painting.
02:34Or that ass.
02:37Or those arms.
02:39Or those smoky eyes that seem to burn into the depths of your soul
02:42as if they knew exactly what you had been missing all these years.
02:49Whoa, who ordered the ugly truth?
02:52Kitty, is there something you'd like to share with us?
02:54Yeah, aren't you getting everything from Edward you need in the bedroom?
02:57Isn't that a rather personal question, Dharma?
03:00Oh, yes.
03:01Well, you might say that after a certain time the dance does become a routine
03:09and one can do the steps in one's sleep.
03:13And to be frank, occasionally one does.
03:16You know, if you're looking for a way to spice things up, maybe I can help you out.
03:23Kitty.
03:24I keep a very detailed journal of everything Greg and I do in the sack, and I'd be happy to lend it to you.
03:32Well, I am right in the middle of Angela's ashes, but as soon as I finish that, it will be my next read.
03:38Oh, Jane, are you all right?
03:41Geez, fine.
03:46Thank you.
03:47Hey!
03:48You want the gold for souvlaki?
03:57Not now, Jane. I've got a situation here.
03:59You do know that by souvlaki I meant Greek waiter butt.
04:02I know, I just can't.
04:05What's wrong?
04:06I'm going through my sex journal for Kitty, crossing out things that might kill Edward.
04:11When I started to notice something.
04:17On the 11th of every month, Greg surprises me in the shower and we have amazing, wonderful sex.
04:24Yeah, so?
04:26Okay, check this out. And this was not easy to figure out.
04:30We have fun with food sex every time there's a space shuttle launch.
04:37Maple syrup, whipped cream, loaf of bread. What does he do with a loaf of bread?
04:40Dharma sandwich.
04:42Don't you see, Jane? There's a pattern here.
04:45Wait a minute. Everything you guys do is planned out months in advance.
04:49I don't plan out sex. I'm a free-range chicken.
04:52But, Greg, look.
04:54Are you going to say something to him?
04:56I can't say anything until I'm absolutely sure.
05:00How are you going to find out?
05:03Science, Jane.
05:06Science.
05:10I can smell the chemicals.
05:11I need some science.
05:12Science.
05:13Science.
05:14Science.
05:15Science.
05:16Science.
05:17Science.
05:18Science.
05:19I can smell the chemicals.
05:20Science.
05:21Science.
05:22Science.
05:23Science.
05:24Science.
05:26Science.
05:32Science!
05:39Science!
05:42Science!
05:47Science!
05:49Culture in motion
05:54Hitches are rising
05:58The beauty of standing ocean
06:02The sweetest standing heart of me
06:06She blinded me with science
06:10She blinded me with science
06:13Found it in geometry
06:18When she's dancing next to me
06:21Science!
06:37Don't you mind?
06:38Yeah?
06:39Okay. Was that fun for you?
06:42Oh, yeah. You shivered me timbers.
06:45Are you sure? Because you seem like you weren't really into it.
06:50No, no, no. I always loved Pirate Night.
06:52Because I can drop the whole very treasure thing.
06:54No, that's my favorite part.
06:59The X could mark a different spot from time to time.
07:04What?
07:05Nothing.
07:06Sat on the parrot.
07:10Hey, is Stavros getting a little hippie or is it the pants?
07:13Jane, focus. My sex life is in crisis.
07:17You don't understand why you're so upset. Nothing's really changed.
07:21Are you kidding?
07:22How would you feel if you were 99% sure you were going to have sex on the beach tonight?
07:27Sweaty. A little nervous.
07:30I'm just saying there's things we're better off not knowing.
07:33Like what?
07:34Like, would it ruin it for you if you found out that Stavros was a doctor back home
07:40and he was just working here until he got his American license?
07:43Are you saying Stavros is smart?
07:46He's a surgeon.
07:47You take that back.
07:49He's dumb and hunky and you know it.
07:51See? Nothing's changed, but now it doesn't work for you, right?
07:55No, it doesn't. Why would you do that?
08:01Just trying to make a point.
08:04Stavros, come here.
08:08Where is my medulla avant-garde?
08:11Coming right up. We make fresh for you.
08:18You scared the crap out of me.
08:19So the doctor says, kiss you, Mrs. Johnson. I shouldn't even be doing this.
08:32That's not the way I heard it.
08:34The way I heard it, the woman's name was Mrs. Taylor.
08:37Really?
08:39And how'd that one go?
08:41Well, there was this woman, Mrs. Taylor, and she goes to visit her gynecologist.
08:45Would you two stop? It's the same damn joke.
08:48Jiminy Christmas.
08:49It crawled into your pup tent.
08:53You're not still bent out of shape because I beat you, are you?
08:55No, I don't care about that.
08:57Because I didn't cheat.
08:57I said I didn't care.
08:59Well, except on 14, but you knew that.
09:00Beat.
09:02Oh, no.
09:03Where's that ball you lost in the woods?
09:07No, I don't care about the golf.
09:10It's Dharma and me.
09:10We're just having a little trouble.
09:13It's not important.
09:15What kind of trouble?
09:16Your house looks clean.
09:17It's personal, all right?
09:21Ah, the honeymoon's over, huh?
09:23No, we still have sex all the time.
09:25It's just the last couple of weeks, she seemed detached.
09:29But you still have sex all the time.
09:31Yeah.
09:32And your house is still clean.
09:33Can we please not talk about this?
09:37Look, son.
09:38I've been married a long time.
09:41To your mother.
09:43And one thing I've learned is that passion comes and goes.
09:47And when it goes, you've got to stay the course.
09:50Stay the course?
09:51Stay the course.
09:53Do your duty as a husband, and someday her passion will return.
09:56How long does that take?
09:59I'll let you know.
10:02This is Mrs. Taylor.
10:04She's up on the table.
10:09Hi.
10:11Hey.
10:13For you.
10:16Thank you.
10:17This is unexpected.
10:18What's the occasion?
10:19No occasion.
10:20Just because I love you.
10:21Wow, this is so spontaneous of you.
10:27Hey, you know what I was thinking?
10:28How would I know what you were thinking?
10:30Why don't we take a little drive, maybe down the coast, get some linguine at that little
10:34place on the pier?
10:36Wouldn't that be nice?
10:37Yeah, it would be.
10:39And maybe afterwards we can take a walk down by the water.
10:42And make love on the beach?
10:44See, you did know what I was thinking.
10:46I'll get the blankets.
10:47Thanks.
10:47Oh, God, when will this nightmare end?
10:58So you had sex on the beach?
11:00Mm-hmm.
11:01And it was really romantic.
11:03Honey, I'm so sorry.
11:07What should I do, Abby?
11:09Greg has scheduled every moment of our sex life.
11:12Mama?
11:12Consciously, Dharma.
11:14It's not his fault.
11:15It's just his nature.
11:16Come on.
11:20Are you telling me Greg is pre-programmed to sip champagne out of my belly button every
11:23time PBS has a fundraising drive?
11:26What's that way?
11:28Should I say something to him?
11:31What would you tell him?
11:33I don't know, that it's hard to get all worked up about a guy sucking on your toes when you
11:36know he's only doing it because his car got waxed.
11:40Those don't sound like helping words, Dharma.
11:42Well, isn't there anything I can do?
11:44Forgive me for suggesting behavior modification, but maybe there's a way that you could gently
11:49sway him from his schedule.
11:52And if that doesn't work?
11:54Then you find a way to love him.
11:57Flaws and all.
11:57Oh, no, Gene, I can't tonight.
12:05It's movie make-out night.
12:08Whew.
12:10No, I can't say anything to him.
12:13Might traumatize him.
12:16I care.
12:16Well, I'm going to try some subtle behavior modification.
12:23Dharma, movie's starting.
12:24Oh, coming.
12:25I gotta go.
12:26Okay.
12:39Sorry, phone call.
12:40That's okay.
12:41We've got all night.
12:42Were you, uh, were you cooking something?
13:04No.
13:05Stay the course, son.
13:12Stay the course.
13:15Come here, Gil.
13:16Come here.
13:29Love him, Dharma.
13:33Flaws and all.
13:34I'm telling you, Pete, I'm doing everything I can, but it just keeps getting worse and
13:46worse.
13:46Last night, I swear she took a bath in sour milk just so I would leave her alone.
13:52Did you?
13:53Of course not.
13:53I love her.
13:54I, you know, stayed the course.
13:56I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but when your woman makes love to you every night
14:01and she's just going through the motions, that can only mean one thing.
14:05She's covering up an affair.
14:06Oh, that's ridiculous.
14:08Yo, buddy.
14:09A guy's wife makes love to him every night, but she's bored from the poke to the smoke.
14:14She's cheating on him.
14:16Really?
14:17How about you?
14:19Your wife's doing you every night, but she's bored from the chitty to the bang bang.
14:24Sounds like a classic case of marital infidelity.
14:28Thank you.
14:29And what do you think?
14:30Someone else is cooking your old lady's duck.
14:43I'm sorry, man.
14:44I can't believe that.
14:46Not, not Dharma.
14:47I'm going home.
14:49Hey,打電話回去哦.
14:50You don't want any nasty surprises.
14:56Thank you.
14:56Hey, this guy, you know him.
14:59Probably it's someone you know.
15:02Thank you.
15:05Now I'm listening.
15:06You're with me.
15:06What? I'm not.
15:08No, I'm not.
15:09You're with me.
15:13Dharma.
15:16Hey.
15:18Where you been?
15:19I stopped and had a beer with Pete.
15:21Listen, is there anything that you and I need to talk about?
15:23What do you mean?
15:24Come on, something's going on.
15:26You figured out what I've been up to, huh?
15:29I'm not sure.
15:30Why don't you tell me?
15:31Look, it's not your fault.
15:33I'm the one with the problem.
15:34But I'm afraid if I go over the details with you, it's just going to make you feel worse.
15:40How can you be so casual about this?
15:43It's not the end of the world.
15:44I mean, it's not like it was premeditated.
15:47So we're just supposed to go on like nothing's happening?
15:52Honey, we could talk about this all night, but we both know what's coming next, so why don't we just get to it?
15:59Where are you going?
16:00I want you to meet someone.
16:02I can't, I can't, I can't do this.
16:10Oh!
16:12Father Christmas, Mom, I've cast.
16:15Drop your pants, I'll smake your...
16:17Greg?
16:21Mom, what's here?
16:50Hey, why did you leave?
17:11I can't believe you're asking me that.
17:14Why are you dressed like a cheerleader?
17:16Because every time you get your alumni newsletter, you like to play big man on campus, and I thought the outfit would help.
17:23How did you know about the newsletter thing?
17:25I told you, I figured out your schedule.
17:31Is that what's been going on?
17:33Yeah, what did you think had been going on?
17:36Um, nothing.
17:38Or that, I kind of thought it was that, I wasn't sure.
17:41Don't worry, I'll get used to it.
17:43I mean, it's not like you were doing it on purpose.
17:46Wait, you think what I was doing was unconscious?
17:48What do you think I am, some kind of freak?
17:50So you actually sat down one day and made up that schedule?
17:53Oh, God, no, it took weeks.
17:57Why?
17:57Because when we got married, I figured you were, you know, a little more advanced, maybe, than me, and I had to come up with a way to keep you, you know, interested.
18:14What?
18:14Dharma, a guy like me goes out with Allison's and Emily's and Catherine's, and you're a Dharma.
18:23It was a little intimidating.
18:26Get out of town, really?
18:28Really.
18:28Well, you're killing Emily now.
18:35Listen, I know that I should have, uh, I should have given this up a long time ago, but, you know, it was put a lot of work into it, and it was kind of doing the job.
18:43Well, what do you say we toss the map and go a little off-roading?
18:51Absolutely.
18:53But, uh, can we start tomorrow? Because the jewelry thing's kind of working for me.
18:56I know, they're pretty cute, don't they?
18:57Oh, yeah.
18:58Uh, do you buy it or rent it?
19:00Oh, no, I rented it.
19:01Oh, we should buy it. Eh, we'll save money in the long run.
19:05It's in the doctor's office, right?
19:07Now, excuse me, gentlemen, I'll have you know, my wife was not having an affair, she was just distracted, because she figured out that I schedule each and every sexual move I make.
19:18You didn't consider that, did you?
19:24I guess we're the idiots, huh?
19:26So, anyway, Mrs. Taylor's up in the store.
19:34Come in.
19:40My, my, my.
19:42I didn't know you delivered.
19:53So, now what do I do?
19:54You told me I wasn't allowed to take off the apron.
19:58I also told you not to speak.
20:02Okay.
20:03Uh, what do you, do you want me to go out and come back in again?
20:07Yes.
20:12Uh, Kenny.
20:13What?
20:16Am I supposed to have the baklava with me?
20:18Yes.
20:18Come in.
20:29My, my, my.
20:31I didn't know you delivered.
20:42What's the baklava for?
20:43What?
20:44Oh.
20:45The witnessing.
20:46No.
20:47The outro.
20:47I don't know.
20:48Aku.
20:48No.
20:49No.
20:49Aman Tanami.
20:50Oh.
20:51No.
20:52I don't know.
20:53No.
20:54No.
20:55Yeah.
20:55Oh.
20:56Alejandro.
20:57No.
20:57No.
20:57No.
20:57No.
20:58No.
21:01No.
21:01No.
21:03Moses.
21:08Stress.
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