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Short filmTranscript
00:00The only way is up, baby, for you and me now.
00:09Ooh, ooh, ooh!
00:27Woo!
00:28Right, mats are already out, that's good.
00:30Great sign.
00:31And branches.
00:32Why the branches?
00:33For food.
00:34But where are the goats?
00:36What position do we go, doggy?
00:38You've got it!
00:40Oh, there's a big one.
00:42Just lay flat, Danny.
00:44Oh, my God.
00:46Hello.
00:48Just take what you want and leave.
00:50Hello, come on down onto your mat.
00:52Isn't yoga supposed to be relaxing?
00:54I don't like this brown one.
00:56No, seriously, this big brown one.
00:58Surrounded by the big ones.
01:06Who's surfing?
01:07Who there?
01:08I'm surfing, please.
01:09Thank you, Bill.
01:10Oh, love that.
01:11Love that, Bill.
01:12You up on that.
01:13Go on, Diggs.
01:14That's you.
01:15Oh!
01:161-0.
01:171-0.
01:18Yes, Bill!
01:19Wait, he's in!
01:20Wait, he's in!
01:21Wait, he's up!
01:22Pace on him!
01:27See?
01:28Is that each ball take this time just to settle just become familiar with your
01:38surrounding what don't go Cindy take your fingertips onto your shoulders circle your
01:45elbow oh my god I think they can say scared oh it's a noise I think I wet
01:54myself what are you doing continent pads I'm done I'm done
02:05well that was a lot that was eventful weren't it I loved it I was sweating I did
02:11love it you were quite at one with it I was really zoned in and zen with the
02:16goat you did how did you like it no I couldn't stand it I had a horn in the
02:22face and trampled on by hooves honestly it was horrendous how can you honestly
02:28relax to that yeah I did at least I've laughed I think so used for the NFI
02:33party absolutely I thought it was amazing yeah I thought initially it was hilarious didn't I
02:37laugh it was quite funny I thought make light of a bit of a shit time on the
02:43actual date didn't actually go down very well I think no because it's all well and
02:46good you going out and cheering up Saffron I think that that isn't the issue
02:49that was never the issue I think it's more so that Courtney felt like that it
02:52was made like a bit of a like a mug off yeah it was a mockery like it's a dig it's her 30th birthday
02:59obviously yeah I can assure everyone right now that this was not a dig I did say you're not malicious
03:06this was to put a smile on Safi Wappy's face well look she did leave the party and go on
03:11I know but I think she felt upset because when you's a friend apart inside that not invited she
03:18feels like you're picking at her and she doesn't actually have a lot of problem with you she was
03:22really upset she was she's it's been hard for him away and listen I ain't got a problem with
03:27Courtney I've got more of a problem with Harry after all of this oh my god yeah Harry right well
03:32hold on wait I don't I don't want friendship anymore oh really completely done with it done with it but it is
03:40my nan's anniversary this week so I've said to me dad I want to mark it you know like the first one
03:44first one of us yeah just do like an east end you know like pearly party pie and mash should we get
03:50what's what's the um what's the bunting like the British bunting yeah yeah yeah let's do that but I
03:56think I will invite Courtney I think so yeah that's a lovely idea because me and Courtney when that
04:03happened to my nan I spoke to Courtney a lot and that's where our bond come from really I'm not
04:07gonna carry on this bad feeling if you try just a little more times I wouldn't make you a believer
04:14wouldn't show you what it's like
04:17that's it there we go you're done oh that's that there you go oh that's the eagle sawing through the air
04:33all right leave it leave it oh tell you what dogs has got going right I under respirated your dogs I
04:39think this might be a sport he's good at oh game you're letting the team down now
04:47Oh come on ah yes mari um I'll tell you what I'll tell you what guys great game lads
04:58paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle paddle guys, Mames my drum
05:05Yes!
05:06Get off me like, you're all sweaty, you're all sweaty and dirty.
05:09Do you know what?
05:10I've never seen you stretch, but you've got long arms.
05:13Can I just say one thing?
05:14Never played paddle once in my life.
05:16That was my first ever game.
05:17Well done.
05:18You've got a bit of tennis in you, haven't you?
05:19Yeah, I've got a bit of tennis in me, mate, yeah.
05:21Bit of Vandy, bit of fucking Roger.
05:24Enough of this, enough of this.
05:26It's just good to see Bill back.
05:27Thanks.
05:28Good to see you, man.
05:29Do you know what? It's nice to be out with the boys, actually.
05:30It is.
05:31I forgot what you look like.
05:32Where have you been?
05:33Mate, just life in general.
05:35Babies?
05:36Just taking over.
05:37Babies, renovation works, just everything.
05:39Oh, yeah, you've got your pool and that.
05:40When's a pool party?
05:41Got a pool?
05:42Couple of weeks.
05:43It's unbelievable and for the kids, it's amazing.
05:46But just, fuck me, the work that's taken, do you know what I mean?
05:49It's been like...
05:50You're not digging it yourself, are you?
05:51No!
05:52Mate, I probably could have dug it quicker, to be fair.
05:55How are you doing, Tammy?
05:56Getting there.
05:57Is it taking your mind off things?
05:58It actually has, you know.
05:59I'm just at the point now where I'm just sort of...
06:01Just leave that in the past.
06:02It's crap fun.
06:03Mate, you've been all right.
06:04You was all right the other day at the party.
06:05Yeah, do you know what I mean?
06:06We had fun, didn't we?
06:07It was good.
06:08We made the best of a bad situation.
06:09Yeah.
06:10Wait, have you messaged her since we last spoke?
06:11Nah.
06:12Not spoke to her at all.
06:13Good.
06:14Listen, I'm not going to move on doing that, do you know what I mean?
06:15Listen, the best thing you can do is just stay busy.
06:16Take your mind off her and you'll be sweet.
06:18Cheers!
06:19Cheers, angels!
06:20Woo!
06:21Woo!
06:22Woo!
06:23Snacks!
06:24Wow.
06:25I need help, I need help.
06:26Yep, perfect.
06:27Stunning.
06:28This is gold.
06:29This is just what we needed.
06:31So, the NFI party, I couldn't make it, I was at the spa, sorry.
06:52We went.
06:53You was missed, baby.
06:54What happened?
06:55We had the best time.
06:56We actually had a very nice time.
06:58I need to know who the heist was, or how stairs.
07:00It was like we were going to do something to cheer Saffron up.
07:04Freddie's just up Saffron's ass up.
07:06I think doing it on Courtney's birthday, though, was a little bit sorry.
07:08Nasty. Do you think?
07:10She's really upset. She's really upset.
07:12She's just come out of a long-term relationship.
07:14She's going through a lot with her family at the minute,
07:17and she just thought it was a bit disrespectful
07:19to do it on her actual birthday.
07:21Saffron has been very upset. Yeah, which I'm gutted about.
07:24I think the thing is with Saff, like, she loves Courtney a lot.
07:27She didn't think it would get this far with Courtney
07:29because they have got a special bond and they have spoken.
07:31Do you know what I mean? They've had a friendship.
07:33She's actually more sad about Courtney coming round.
07:37And doing that. I don't think there would have been an NFI party
07:39if we weren't all trying to cheer Saffron up,
07:41and I think that was the main purpose of the party.
07:43It wasn't, we're going to do a party to piss Amber and everyone else.
07:46Yeah, no, I get that. It's like when she looks back in years' time
07:49and she thinks about her 30th... We didn't even know that Courtney knew that.
07:52..but it was all posted on social media.
07:55And it's like laughing on the fact that you're not invited to her party.
07:58It just, like, it's a bit, yeah.
07:59But especially given the reason that most people who wasn't invited,
08:02you wouldn't invite her either.
08:04I hate to say it, but, I mean, the NFI party, what,
08:06it was me, Joe, Fred and Ella,
08:08and I think I could speak on behalf of me, Fred and Joe.
08:10I don't think we really care about Courtney.
08:12If you say I'm too much, baby, go find less.
08:16If you can't keep up, say below, I guess.
08:20Is that such a big deal? Maybe you're too little.
08:23Ooh, ooh, if you're talking too, too, too much for you.
08:29I feel like our snack range is always on point.
08:31Immaculate.
08:32You always sit there and order the best snacks, though.
08:34I am snack cream. I do take that.
08:36Oh, she's string.
08:38Oh, it's the best.
08:39I actually saw Freddie. Yeah.
08:41I went to Goat Yoga to Cheer Up Saffron.
08:44It was actually quite funny, to be fair.
08:46I wet myself a little bit.
08:47In my head, I was thinking Goat Yoga,
08:49that you would have, like, little cute goatees.
08:51No, it was the whole herd.
08:53But, yeah, I saw Freddie and I just said to him, I was like,
08:57you're for an NFI party for people that was never going to be invited.
09:00Yeah. And he was like, it was meant to just be to cheer up
09:02Saffron, obviously, it just become a thing.
09:04I get what they were trying to do, the being funny, whatever,
09:07but they just took it so far.
09:09Yeah.
09:09And, like, I try my hardest with them to be like,
09:12oh, but Freddie's a nice person, he's a nice person,
09:14then he does that, and I'm just like, no, I'm just like, fuck you.
09:16They don't think about the repercussions
09:18that something like that will have on me.
09:20Like, I was saying I was really looking forward to my birthday
09:23because it's, like, the one day a year that the attention's on me
09:25and it's not about anyone else in my family or about anyone else in my life.
09:29People are forgetting as well, this time last year was a very tough time for you.
09:32Like, yeah, I was crying the whole time when it was my birthday last year.
09:35Yeah.
09:36And, like, it was a bit insensitive for them to throw this NFI apart.
09:40I know to them it's funny jokes, laugh,
09:41and it probably is to other people, but to me, like,
09:44I'm just very sensitive about it.
09:45Obviously, I knew it wasn't with malice with Freddie,
09:47I knew he didn't mean it maliciously,
09:48but obviously it just looked like a bit of a mug off and a mockery, really.
09:52So, did you actually know that is meant to be a monster, not a foot?
09:55I always thought that was a foot.
09:57Always a foot.
09:58It's always... It's always been a foot.
10:01Saffron's messaged me.
10:03What she said.
10:07Very.
10:07Oh, that's a nice message.
10:22Because I know, like, regardless, I know how close she was to her nan,
10:25and I know that we went through that exact same thing at the exact same time.
10:29Yeah.
10:29And you was each other's, like, safety blanket when that comes to it,
10:33because you could relate to each other about it.
10:34I feel like that's what made us get closer as well.
10:36She said that today as well.
10:37She said, like, we really bonded over that.
10:38Like, that was where the bonding come from.
10:42Mm. I'll definitely be there.
10:43Yeah, I knew you would.
10:44Yeah, I think that would be really nice.
10:46Yeah.
10:46May your heart be open.
11:06Hold your baby.
11:09Aww.
11:09Aww.
11:10Aww.
11:10She did the one.
11:11She did the one.
11:11She did the one.
11:12Aww.
11:12Woo-hoo.
11:13Get down, ma.
11:14Yeah.
11:15Woo-hoo.
11:16Get down, ma.
11:16Yeah.
11:17Woo-hoo.
11:17Woo-hoo.
11:18Let's go.
11:19Woo-hoo.
11:20Woo-hoo.
11:20Let's go.
11:21Woo-hoo.
11:22Woo-hoo.
11:23Woo-hoo.
11:24Woo-hoo.
11:25We've got our eggs there.
11:26We're high.
11:27Woo-hoo.
11:28All right, nice cold can of pop, so.
11:36Yes, please, love.
11:38It is all going on over here, George.
11:40Hurry up, because I need you.
11:42I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.
11:43We've got a bit of news here.
11:46Oh.
11:48It's a nice sound, isn't it?
11:50That is a lovely sound.
11:58Whoa.
11:59It's a car Ferris wheel.
12:04Have you been on a Ferris wheel before?
12:06Yeah.
12:07Was it fun, or was you scared?
12:10Fun.
12:11Yeah, you talk to me.
12:14Talk to Mummy.
12:16What can you say?
12:18Oh, am I boring you?
12:20Should we go see Mummy Amalie?
12:22Should we bring it to Mummy?
12:23Come on then.
12:24Where's Hudson?
12:25Hey?
12:28I can hear him.
12:29Oh, hello.
12:30We've got all the people on the Ferris wheel.
12:51Hello, babe.
12:52Darling.
12:53You all right?
12:54Yeah.
12:55Hi.
12:56How are you?
12:57Oh, nice.
12:59Lovely service.
13:00Yeah.
13:01On the point.
13:02I'm a pro.
13:13Can I just tell you I've got some really good news?
13:16Go on.
13:17You're pregnant?
13:18No, but work-wise now, obviously, everything that's been going on...
13:23Mm-hmm.
13:25...I've got a couple of free months before you say something.
13:28So, wait, does that mean that we can get cracking and booking?
13:32Tell me what you're thinking.
13:33Right, okay.
13:34This is good.
13:35We're on the same page.
13:36Go on.
13:37So, I've sent out some feels to the clinic.
13:38Yeah.
13:39Um, and I've just been, like, throwing some dates and stuff at them.
13:43So, they basically said, we can't do the month, the month that's coming up.
13:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:48We can do a little bit later on.
13:49Right.
13:50Which isn't that far away.
13:51No, but I think that's...
13:52Like I said, I'd rather get it all done when all the staff are there.
13:55All my work stuff, pray to God, is sorted by then.
13:57We're good to go.
13:58Right.
13:59That date there?
14:00Yeah.
14:01Should we do it?
14:02Yeah.
14:03Yeah?
14:04Is it happening?
14:05Yeah, it's happening.
14:06Go.
14:07Right.
14:08Right, okay.
14:09Hi, Olympia.
14:10Just to let you know, yes, that date is absolutely fine with me.
14:12And, Jordan, we are really looking forward to it.
14:15Can't wait for the next step of this fertility journey.
14:18So, yeah.
14:21It's done.
14:22It's done.
14:23Give me a kiss.
14:24Wow, I love you.
14:25I love you.
14:26This is really exciting.
14:27Why don't we have a really positive day here?
14:30We can tell everybody what we've done today.
14:32Your mum's down here now.
14:33Yeah.
14:34Why don't we have all the mums round here?
14:35For a barbecue.
14:36For a barbecue.
14:37Abso-fucking-lutely.
14:38All our pals, the mums.
14:40Yeah.
14:41Get Julie round with Amy, because Julie's obviously not been great.
14:43Oh, that would be amazing.
14:44Julie and my mum.
14:45It would be insane.
14:46Introduce your mum to all the Essex mums.
14:47God help her.
14:48LAUGHTER
14:50Today is the best day of my life.
14:53Thought thinking about the future of her time.
14:56I don't know I'm home, but I don't mind.
15:00What's been going on?
15:01I've not seen you so many ages.
15:02Yeah.
15:03Yeah, because we've been so busy.
15:04Tell me what's been happening.
15:05Is she like me?
15:06She is your double.
15:07Because we've been so busy.
15:08What's been happening?
15:09Tell me.
15:10The swimming pool's done now.
15:11Yeah.
15:12I've been in the swimming pool.
15:13Do you mean the swimming pool, Elmer?
15:14Do you love it?
15:15Yeah.
15:16Yeah.
15:17I think you will love it when I have a staycation with you.
15:18Staycation, can't wait.
15:19Honestly, the house has been a little bit stressful.
15:20Like with the pool going in.
15:21But we have been getting out on Monday date days, which has been really nice now.
15:22Oh, I love that.
15:23Yeah, we have been.
15:24It's our little Monday club where we try somewhere new.
15:25We go somewhere different and we've not been.
15:26Oh, my God, that's unreal.
15:27That's so nice.
15:28You didn't tell me this.
15:29Yeah.
15:30I love that.
15:31Yeah.
15:32Yeah.
15:33Yeah.
15:34Yeah.
15:35Yeah.
15:36Yeah.
15:37Yeah.
15:38Yeah.
15:39Yeah.
15:40Yeah.
15:41Yeah.
15:42Yeah.
15:43Yeah.
15:44Yeah.
15:45Yeah.
15:46Yeah.
15:47Yeah.
15:48Yeah.
15:49Yeah.
15:50Yeah.
15:51I was over a paddle with the boys.
15:53Obviously, Sammy was over there.
15:54Oh, yeah.
15:55How is he?
15:56Look, I think he's doing all right.
15:58I think he's pretty cut up though, I think, about you two.
16:02I think it sort of affected him a little bit.
16:05Obviously, I know you've drawn a line under it and you're still friends, which is nice.
16:09Yeah, he's good.
16:10Do you know what I mean?
16:11I thought that we were on talking terms where we could send each other messages and that
16:14and he didn't reply to my last lot of messages and then when I spoke to Safran briefly,
16:18is that, yeah, he said that the boys have told him not to message me back because it's unhealthy
16:22because, obviously, he still has a lot of feelings there.
16:25When you hear that, I think probably for you, it's probably for the best then if you've got
16:28a bit of communication.
16:29Yeah.
16:30Yeah.
16:31Yeah, I do agree.
16:32Because I can't really, I can't make him be my friend if he doesn't want to be my friend
16:35and I can't push to keep having conversations with him.
16:38Don't get me wrong, there's times that things happen or I see someone and I want to send
16:43you a message.
16:45Oh, careful.
16:47Mind down the place.
16:49But I just think that's just part and parcel of it.
16:52Time's a healer, innit?
16:53Time's a healer, innit?
16:54Time's a healer, innit?
16:55For a relationship right at the start, to spend 24 hours a day with each other,
16:58it's so heightened.
16:59Yeah, three weeks feels like three months, obviously.
17:01Yeah, that's what I mean.
17:02So, I suppose, you know, there's probably a lot of feelings there that are generated quite
17:06quickly, you know, but look, if it's friends, it's friends.
17:09Yeah.
17:10You know, and you've been straight, so...
17:11For me, you can't tell anyone how to feel.
17:14Yeah.
17:15If you felt that way, you felt that way, do you know what I mean?
17:16Yeah, look, some people fall...
17:17A lot harder.
17:18A lot harder.
17:19Yeah.
17:20Quicker, do you know what I mean?
17:21Like aimed it for me, so, you know.
17:23That's what she did, actually.
17:25And always hard to see you when I wish you were ready, yeah.
17:30Always hard to leave you when I miss you everywhere.
17:34Make him jump.
17:35Make Marley jump.
17:36And this one in there.
17:38Oh, no, I don't miss you, but I miss you, come here.
17:42I feel like everything's been so hectic since my birthday.
17:45Go on, what's happened?
17:47So, Chloe and Saffron had a falling out,
17:49and she was obviously meant to come to my party.
17:52Obviously, I didn't want any awkward vibes on my birthday.
17:55I just thought maybe it was the best decision to say to Saffron,
17:59just, like, sit this one out.
18:00Obviously, it was really hard.
18:01Like, I hate doing stuff like that.
18:02Oh, God.
18:03Then led to this other group of people who I'm not really
18:05that friendly with to throw an NFI party.
18:08What's that?
18:09And not fricking invited party.
18:11Oh, sorry, Marley.
18:13I made you jump and not fricking invited party.
18:17Yeah.
18:18I've had such a hard year.
18:19Yeah.
18:20Like a tough year.
18:21And, like, I put everyone before myself.
18:23Like, I put my family before myself, everyone.
18:25And my birthday was on one day a year.
18:27Yeah.
18:28That's just about me.
18:29And I was basically saying, like,
18:30I get that people forget what's going on in other people's lives.
18:34We're living in it every single day.
18:36And, like, just thought it was really insensitive of them
18:38to throw an NFI party over my big 30th birthday weekend.
18:42Yeah, salve order.
18:44And people don't look at the bigger picture.
18:45They might not know what you've been going through.
18:48I don't know.
18:49Maybe they haven't.
18:50And hopefully they feel bad.
18:51Yeah.
18:52Oh.
18:53Bye.
18:54You're a good boy, aren't you, Marley?
18:57But you're just happy to be with Mummy, aren't you?
18:59Are you happy being with Mummy?
19:01Yeah.
19:02How is Marley?
19:05He's all right.
19:06He's doing good.
19:07We had a couple of incidents last week with, like, seizure control
19:10and it's just managing them and knowing when they come
19:13and, you know, it's just, it's been hard.
19:17And he loves all his therapies.
19:19We do, like, hydro and he loves music therapy.
19:23He does that once a week at Haven House.
19:25Yeah.
19:26They've been amazing, haven't they?
19:27Amazing.
19:28They've been so good.
19:29I'm going to come and sit on my lap.
19:31Yeah.
19:32And you're honestly amazing.
19:34How you're now a mum with three boys and you handle everything.
19:38I try to.
19:39I try.
19:40I always say I look up to you.
19:41You're my big sister, but I do look up to you.
19:43Thanks.
19:44You're my best friend, my sister.
19:47Aww.
19:48Yeah.
19:49No, we're very lucky we've got each other and we're such a close family.
19:51I know.
19:52What's been happening a lot.
20:09Every time we see each other we just know.
20:11What's up?
20:12Yeah, it ain't been good.
20:13What's going on?
20:14I've got to get straight into it.
20:15I'll tell you a summary in my weeks.
20:16Okay.
20:17It ain't been very good.
20:18Then I had to go goat yoga just to calm down.
20:19Sorry?
20:20I went goat yoga yesterday.
20:21What's that?
20:22Yoga with the goats.
20:23Goats can't do yoga.
20:24No, but I can.
20:25And they were just walking around me.
20:26I know it's been a lot though, isn't it, lately?
20:27Yeah.
20:28I have not been here.
20:29I wasn't at the NFI.
20:30What is it?
20:31I need to stay away from that energy at the minute.
20:32I've got a lot going on.
20:33Yeah.
20:34It's my nan's anniversary this week.
20:35Yeah.
20:36It's not worth it, is it?
20:37No.
20:38No.
20:39Like, you've got your own...
20:40It ain't been very good.
20:41It ain't been very good.
20:42Then I had to go goat yoga just to calm down.
20:43What?
20:44Sorry?
20:45I went goat yoga yesterday.
20:46What's that?
20:47Yoga with the goats.
20:48Goats can't do yoga?
20:49No.
20:50But I can.
20:51It's not worth it, is it?
20:52No.
20:53Like, you've got your own trauma going on.
20:55Mm.
20:56And grief, which I can relate with.
20:58It's never left my mind.
20:59It doesn't.
21:00It's so raw.
21:01No, you don't realise it.
21:02Yeah.
21:03You weren't contrary thinking of it.
21:04No.
21:05But it changes you.
21:06You've probably come across the type of way.
21:07Yeah.
21:08Because it's this time of year.
21:09It's so hard.
21:10And people deal a bit differently.
21:11I probably haven't managed the fallout as I would have.
21:13Yeah.
21:14Because I've been crying all the time.
21:15I know.
21:16That ain't me.
21:17The Bondiberman and not many people do have their grandparents.
21:18No.
21:19No, they don't.
21:20She was like a second mum to me.
21:21Exactly.
21:22How beautiful that you've had that.
21:23Yeah.
21:24But obviously the goodbye was terrible.
21:26Beautiful.
21:27And your grief, you have like strong boundaries and you change.
21:31Yeah.
21:32And you don't tolerate stuff because life's too short.
21:33Yeah.
21:34It changes me and I'm like, but I'm fine.
21:36But it comes out in other ways.
21:38So when's Lorena's...?
21:39The 8th.
21:40Next week.
21:41Oh yeah, so it's a similar time.
21:42Yeah.
21:43I think, what would she look like now?
21:44What would she look like, yeah.
21:45What would she be doing?
21:46La Rose and her would be like that.
21:48And I feel that's the hardest part.
21:51It's not like I've had a life with her.
21:54No.
21:55And lost and I've got the memories.
21:57Yeah.
21:58I have to imagine it.
21:59You're doing it the other way.
22:00And what was her eye colour?
22:01Yeah.
22:02Because I never saw her eyes.
22:03When Lorena passed, did you just come straight home from that?
22:09No.
22:10I don't want to go into it all because it's quite a lot.
22:12But I stayed the night at the hospital and we went to like a hotel room.
22:19Yeah.
22:20And we had Lorena.
22:21They obviously...
22:22They give you time with...
22:23Yeah.
22:24So, next morning, I don't know what was going on.
22:27I had pictures down with her.
22:29But I'm so grateful for that.
22:30Yeah.
22:31That was a charity thing.
22:32At the time, I was like, what?
22:33Yeah.
22:34And then, erm...
22:36Passed her over.
22:38Oh, my God.
22:39And then you come home and...
22:41Yeah.
22:42With no baby.
22:49Yeah.
22:50Weird.
22:51Numb.
22:52Horrible.
22:53But it's hard, innit?
22:54You get it?
22:55You understand that?
22:56Yeah, of course I do.
22:57That grief.
22:58It's your first...
22:59It's a different grief.
23:00Different?
23:01Different grief, but...
23:02It's still a trauma.
23:03Yeah.
23:04And it's still that pain and that missing.
23:06Well, listen, at least we've found each other.
23:10I know, always.
23:11Because we've got a good friendship.
23:12We've got...
23:13Well, yeah.
23:14For the short time we've known each other, we get each other.
23:15I feel very comfortable with you.
23:16Yeah.
23:17And we have a laugh and...
23:18I know.
23:19When I ask you things, you're like, oh, I'm like that.
23:21Yeah.
23:22And I'm like, really?
23:23I've never met anyone as mad as me.
23:25We'll be sharing a room on the next holiday.
23:27I would love to.
23:28Yeah, we will.
23:29Joan Janay said no one would ever share with me.
23:31No, I will.
23:32Just know I need you more.
23:37The only way is love.
23:42I wanna go where the lights are low
23:44When you hold my bones like a miracle
23:46I wanna know when I'm far from home
23:48That you'll help me find my home.
23:51Let's try love.
23:55Let's try love.
23:57Oh, Shai!
23:59Hey!
24:00Nothing!
24:01Hello!
24:02Hey!
24:03I come bearing some flowers.
24:04Oh!
24:05Thank you!
24:06Hello, Ray!
24:07And some tarts.
24:08That's so sweet.
24:09Oh!
24:10They're unreal.
24:11That's stunning!
24:12I was gonna bake a cake, but I cheated.
24:15Oh, I'm so happy!
24:17I love you.
24:18I love you.
24:19Let's try love.
24:20Let's try love.
24:22Let's try love.
24:24Let's try love.
24:27You can't wait for a sausage.
24:33Let's try love.
24:34Let's try love.
24:35Let's try love.
24:36What's it doing?
24:37You've got a sausage in your hand.
24:38Nothing unusual, is it?
24:40Let's try love.
24:42Let's try love.
24:44Hi, Ray!
24:45Hello!
24:46You're good, then.
24:47Let's try love.
24:48Let's try love.
24:49Let's try love.
24:50Let's try love.
24:51Yeah!
24:52so let's try so keep your head in who's just moved then you'll get back you get
24:59so I just want to say thank you for all coming today it's a year since my name
25:13passed and as you can see she was glad she brought the glam well obviously I
25:20miss her but I'm lucky that I had such a bond some people don't have that I'm
25:29lucky I've had such a bond with someone that was more than a nam really and I
25:34know that in this situation that's been going on she would have been there so it
25:38has been hard because I would have gone to her and she would have told me tell
25:42them to go elsewhere because that's where I've got it from
25:47yeah that was a flight version so if we could just all raise a toast to Nan
25:53Nanny Jen love you Nan miss you she'll be so proud of you sir we love you
26:01stuffy you done well she'd be so proud as well she would be so proud of you
26:09it's been a lovely afternoon I know thank you so much for coming it's been lovely we loved coming
26:19sir it's so nice that we can celebrate your nan yeah obviously it's not a nice situation but it's
26:25better than sitting indoors 100% and what a beautiful day yeah I think as well with like everything that's
26:30been going on the last few weeks with you like it's been so much yeah this is like a nice it's like a bit of
26:35sweet isn't it it's like remembering which is quite sad but also nice like move forward with you as
26:39well yeah exactly yeah and I think we've all been there oh I like your nan yeah oh my god 100%
26:47picture I'm just glad very big yeah Essex personality yeah he said I love it
26:54oh there you go mum oh you okay oh okay what a nice day I love his ear I feel like this weather is
27:20like the best summer we've ever had it is like I can't remember the last time it's been this hot in
27:24England how lovely though all everyone here today all the mums here I love coming to this house as
27:29well this house I'm here today because I should have been on the flower stall I've got a new job
27:33I absolutely love it I've never seen someone have so many jobs so it's nice to see it's nice to see
27:42that she's got something that she's gone back to her roots doing she's got more jobs than the job
27:46center in the camera no she is right I do try I've never met someone so busy I bring about what
27:51you're doing today right I've got the kids today then tomorrow I'm on the flower stall then she's
27:55going somewhere else she's cleaning then she's cleaning but everyone thinks I'm really lazy because
27:59you clean for me do they yeah I said it the other day and I said I said I said I said to all the
28:04girls I said oh like my mum comes and cleans for me they went what yeah but it's because we live in
28:09the same block in the same block when Harry has a hot date like one day and you're looking at the door
28:13auntie I think you might think okay I never ever go down when I know he's got a hot day I never
28:18interfere I've never had a hot day I'm just saying we need to start going on a few dates I think
28:24personally how are you though auntie you know I'm all good yeah I'm all good what's the um update with
28:29their heart yeah just still chilling your mum's working I'm just chilling but you feel all right
28:35you'll be fine does she look amazing though mum she does unbelievable you look amazing your skin
28:39looks lovely you look so well mum we're going to go to the Cotswolds in the summer aren't we definitely
28:44yeah and remember now mum we have got the pool yeah it looks like Marbella at your house now yeah mum
28:50come by the door she looks like Marbella for all the day beds now
28:56all right this is everyone i've cooked the food come on ladies top in this looks
29:09really umptious i feel like you always do the best barbecues good chips
29:17someone has nixon cake though yeah it's definitely you it was show me underneath your fingernails
29:23because that's been done with fingers oh it was me i just had to try it to make sure i like it
29:28was it was nice for years really nice do you want some cake yeah yeah let's have some cake
29:34i think it's well deserved after the day i know what a lovely afternoon days like the day
29:39make me happy just seeing you at an essex mom sam yeah yeah it just it may oh thank you that's
29:45amazing thank you it just makes us happy yeah it's so nice and it'll just all to be together
29:50how are you finding it living down here now you're actually can we just can we just appreciate
29:55this the only ever made an essex girl out of my girlfriend yeah i've never made an essex girl
29:59out of my mother-in-law you didn't just get one you got the mother as well yeah yeah are you happier
30:03down here yeah i'm really happy i'm done yeah and it's all just worked out hasn't it it's just worked
30:08out and i've never seen you so happy yeah i agree we've actually got some nose for you so all right
30:13that my stuff's not pregnant no no no i mean that would have been that would have been unreal yeah
30:19but we have booked our fertility treatment yeah it's fine so we're actually going yes we're going
30:27the first week of september so soph's body at the minute well for two and a half years now has got
30:33such an overactive immune system not towards everything like with being ill it's a completely
30:38different immune system this is your immune system towards being pregnant getting pregnant
30:41in your fertility towards sperm so my sperm goes into so's body so's body instantly thinks it's
30:47a foreign body and a foreign organism so kills it so kills it and rejects it straight away rather
30:51than normally a woman's body would accept it make an embryo put the coating around it and that so now
30:57basically what they have to do they're going to take my blood and they're going to they take
31:01okay with that no i'm not going to be okay with that mum i don't like these but we're doing what's
31:06best for us so they take the white blood cells all the good white blood cells and they make a vaccine
31:11and at skin level they administer it to sove so you get my sauce body i think it's like six
31:16injections and you get them really lightly under the skin so so effectively becomes more of me
31:22so when the sperm enters her body her body recognizes it yeah doesn't kill it and makes the
31:27embryo and makes it its own it's crazy isn't it because i was 12 weeks when my body tried to
31:32reject it it's very very similar but do you know what his blood type is no he should know though
31:39yeah i don't know he doesn't like needles but you've got to get used to that long
31:45i love how that you can now go and explore all that and you can get all that done yeah it feels
31:50like there's a way off the shoulders yeah it's your hope we've got a call with a doctor next week
31:54i think yeah i think we should have a little cheers to her yeah cheers to the doctor wait wait
31:59i think you should cheers to baby cheers to baby brooke yeah cheers to baby brooke
32:12oh mr electric blue i want to dance like you nothing's better than slugging your partner
32:22after his mom i mean if anyone knows what james is fine i do do you know what is wrong with him
32:27if you tell him something he cries like a little baby right so he cries at anything well say if we're
32:33like having like a little bit of a disagreement he will sob about it for god's sake he really feels
32:37sorry for himself we need to get to know each other because aren't we going to talk james there if
32:42we don't know i know we can tag team now yeah so he doesn't listen to me and i know he'll listen to
32:46you and if he's got both of us get him in a because it takes more than one of us to deal with james oh i know
32:52he's a man's man a good hard working american but he ain't the guy you'd want to fight
33:02jerry do i've never tried one right try one right now no stop it right how do you eat this right so
33:08you get it like that yeah oh my oh come on oh what do you eat so right so that's the bone so hold it
33:19there so do you want to eat this bit yeah oh my mouth's making me feel right it's making me gag
33:31stop you're making me gag jane stop that i did it you're having more
33:41you like it oh i do you're making me gag jane the way you're eating that
33:49you like it a bit of vinegar on it oh that's actually not bad guys sorry i was late how we
34:02doing good good we've had a long convo about you about me good stuff we've been catching off and yeah
34:09we're gonna have to get jody involved in the family yeah because we don't know her it's not fair
34:14people ask me what's james's girlfriend like and i don't know she's pretty cool i am yeah
34:22and my mom's pretty cool as well yeah you better be cool because you're with my son so i'd like to
34:27think that we can get to all know each other a little bit better no listen i'm not gonna work
34:30mom i know i know i know and also i don't know bear i don't know nothing about him it's four years old
34:36about yay high yeah and he's lovely he's no it's more than that i'm joking i've got a present for
34:43bear that i had over two years ago which was a dinosaur with an easter egg unfortunately i've
34:48eaten the easter egg so he's now only got the dinosaur which i have named denzel by the way
34:52that's what he would absolutely love that james a few remember as you was late my friend thank you
34:57very much jordan oh i haven't even eaten today you just saved him jordan i'll sort us out something nice
35:02next week why don't we get your mom's come yeah that'd be nice because i haven't even met jody's
35:06mom i know we need to all now just when you're actually a big family when you actually think
35:10about it if you put down a paper we've been together almost what two and a half years yeah i feel like
35:14we have the family going on between us but we need to just get everybody else involved we need to
35:18branch out yeah and then i'll be much happier when i get to know jody better yeah because then i know
35:24when you're being a pain in the back side i know where jody's coming from no this is why i was a
35:30little bit nervous to come here today because i was thinking oh my god like we hardly know each
35:33other i know you had to deal with him when he was really sad and obviously you only knew like
35:37one side of everything not that any of us were in the wrong but we both dealt with things it's
35:42shut up we were both out with it a little bit different i did nothing wrong mom you know i would
35:48never do you know what i mean james it was all i couldn't believe it well i'm glad it's that you're
35:53both happy that's the main thing we're good yeah and then where do you think this is going to go
35:57at the moment i'm in a situation with dan having a really good time living with dan now that we're
36:01in there and then obviously the future will be that we live with each other jody's possibly you
36:06know maybe come off contraception after christmas okay and then yeah go from there okay so some big
36:13moves so you have to make sure that you really are settled the two of you and that all that nonsense
36:18that went on before isn't going to happen well that's why that's why i've waited this long because
36:22i wasn't sure at first i'm not gonna lie i told you that didn't i it's right to be you can't just go
36:25straight back into it and think it's going to be everything's going to be like well also there's
36:29bear to think about so you've got if you're going to make these moves you've got to make
36:32action but you and bear's relationship is like perfect now isn't it yeah bear loves me he does
36:38he loves him so much yeah i don't hear anything about a wedding here right so we're just jumping
36:44straight ahead to the second child well i would love a ring yeah or a pregnancy well that would be a
36:50good idea i think someone's calling my name from someone i'm sure i can hear it in the wind hello
36:55people hello hello i see you guys wendy everything you good hi darling so how's it going on in the
37:05flat with you two how's it getting perfect it's going well yeah it's going well yeah i don't know
37:10the other week we sort of had a conversation about you weren't quite so tidy is getting better
37:15these levels of tidiness are a mental mate it's like being a doctor surgery okay well he did say
37:21the other day because i spoke to him because i speak to both the boys pretty much every day and
37:24he did say one way home i did tidy up but dan's coming home today so i'm actually going back to
37:28tidy up again where are you with girlfriend thing come on spill the beans i'm single oh i liked ella
37:38that girl could cook she's beautiful yeah we tried a few times it just wasn't working
37:44it's probably the toughest thing i've walked away from because for once it's not like we're falling
37:49out you can't carry on just splitting in and out no i can't i need to i want to settle down i want to
37:54find that person of course i think also with dan is that the same with james really is that they've
37:59both come from what they call a broken home i'm guessing i don't know that from dan's point of view he
38:06wants to get it right yeah from my experience marriage doesn't more often than not doesn't
38:12work out in my own it's a bit sad because you have to you have to like go for it you have to believe
38:16in it yeah of course and marriage is a really good thing if you feel that way about someone it should
38:21be something that happens but there's always a chance that it won't work don't be put off by that
38:27don't let that ruin what you're looking for because that's wrong have faith in it because i don't
38:32think you think you're worth it and you are
38:50fred how are you feeling with company
38:53do you know what i don't actually feel awkward i'm gonna be honest with you i don't like obviously
38:57when we was at goat's the other day danny and elma did say that she was really upset that i
39:03organized the nfi party well i'm just gonna say i i'm really sorry i found you right under the bus
39:11because we went out for drinks the other night liby and bex were there and they was like you
39:15are so wrong for doing that nfi party you're planning it and i was like it was all freddy
39:19i didn't do it it was your idea i executed it that's so bad jenay hello hello you okay thanks for
39:30coming i wouldn't miss this how are you i'm okay how are you how's today it's been lovely it's been
39:37nice to just mark it but it's been a lot yeah i feel like it's been a lot for everyone yeah couple of
39:42weeks it's like i feel like it's time to turn a new page like that page ain't turning is it not
39:50no i don't know how what's your feelings of towards chloe now
39:56um do you know what call i don't really know because i've not spoke to her for so long and
40:03there's been so much input but obviously you turning up at mine and not wanting me there because of the
40:10atmosphere i thought it's chloe feeling that way and in your ears so i just i don't know if she
40:15wants this to carry on do you know i mean chloe didn't say anything to me i just know she would
40:21have felt uncomfortable because she hasn't spoken to you since it all happened and the last time you
40:26saw each other you're it was shut you're shouting i just don't know how we navigate it forward i would
40:31really like you to have a conversation with chloe i know she's ready to speak to you and i would
40:35love it if you girls sorted something out yeah i feel like when you two have a conversation
40:40i think it will be settled this time listen i value your your friendship i value chloe's
40:46friendship i love chloe but this has got ridiculous yeah it's like 100 because i've not come to your 30th
40:51and and i i love you you were there for me hence why i've asked you to come today and i know like
40:58you had you didn't have a great time elma was saying at the 30th yeah it was all i felt like i felt
41:01shit about the situation with you like i felt like not in a good place how are you feeling then like i was
41:07really upset how are you feeling in general though i just feel confused in my life like i think last
41:13year was such a bad year for me obviously my grandma passed away found out about marley's diagnosis and
41:19then it was my birthday and i just cried my whole birthday yeah and i just didn't enjoy it at all
41:25and i didn't enjoy that year and i was like thinking oh my god it's a new year it's a fresh start
41:29that's the problem you've probably had such an odd year that you've expected it to be
41:33the day happens and it's all great and everything disappears but that's not reality i had had such
41:39high expectations of my 30s and then it's happened and i feel like i haven't even taken i don't even
41:44want to cry because it's like it's about you today no no cool the thing about me and you is that
41:49away from everyone we can talk from the heart and you listen to me and sometimes you don't
41:54want to keep telling the closest people to you because chloe and amber and harry probably heard
41:58it a lot and then you're thinking their lives are moving on a bit and what am i doing i just feel
42:03like there's so much pressure turning 30 and i don't know why why is that we follow a timeline
42:08don't we that we're meant to follow so i think in our heads we think by 30 you're meant to be settled
42:13children come and all that and it does spin your head cold yeah and all i was looking forward to is
42:18having my birthday and being around people that are close to me and then to have it like overshadowed by
42:22this nfi party i think with the nfi party i think the boys thought it'd be a good idea to to lift me
42:30up it weren't like they were going f courtney this is another party we don't get that weren't the vibe
42:36that's what it just came across yeah because why would they be invited and i knew that yeah and i
42:42understand that they want to take you out in but like i just think it was a bit much and i am very
42:46sensitive at the moment but i don't want you to see you upset because i can see it in you i know but it's
42:51like it's been like this for the past week since my background i just hope you chloe and harry can
43:01come to some sort of yeah it will over time i'm sure it will yeah hello you all right fred you okay
43:09obviously well i think jenane said about the nfi to you didn't they the party yeah um it's upset
43:17cool no no no i spoke to elma and danny about it and they said you was upset with it and obviously
43:24i just want you to know that there was no malice towards you at all in the slightest it was just me
43:30being a good friend to saffron because obviously the whole situation was shit yeah and i just wanted
43:37to cheer saffron up so i made a party for everyone else that wasn't going at the end of the day for me
43:44why i was so upset is because even though you'd fallen out with my friends and with harry
43:49i still was sat there being like but freddy like he's really nice i had really nice conversations
43:54with him like i just don't think this is him i feel like this is acting on another like other
43:58feelings and i just feel like i just don't know where i really stand with you after that because
44:02i i get you're not going to understand what i've been through for the past year and then the last thing
44:07i needed was that whole nfi thing like laughing and joking no one's laughing at you okay laughing
44:14joking at the situation which i really struggled with like i really struggled with i that wasn't
44:18nice to me at all i just think like i actually respected you and had good conversations with you
44:23and i just want you to see it from work from my side like what i saw it as yeah listen i actually done
44:29this to cheer up my friend and if it did offend you that i threw a party and done my own thing on the
44:34day on your faith i am truly sorry but listen it's been a long long few weeks and i think we've
44:42just got to move on from it oh yeah and again i am sorry if i did upset you that wasn't ever my intention
44:51at all next time i'm throwing a tea party who's going everybody what could possibly go wrong
45:07are you seeing a ring coming up soon i bloody hope so how many animals do you want to see today
45:12baby dan dyax and jody they were like double dating you've just shot the bomb there without even
45:19realizing we split up three months ago what what do you expect me to do i'm lifting because i wanted
45:24to feel something yeah a bit of want from him and i never had that and now you're wanting someone else
45:42the only the only way is up baby for you and me now
45:52the only way is up baby for you and me now
45:59oh
46:09you
46:09you
46:10you
46:10you
46:10you
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