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BRITCOM I
  • 3 months ago

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00:00Don't be nervous, sweetheart. Everyone's going to love you.
00:14Can you chill? It's just a job, not my first day of kindergarten.
00:18I'm so proud of you. And you know what? I think you're going to like it here.
00:22Doubt it.
00:23Of course you are. They were so impressed with you, they put you right into management.
00:28No, they didn't.
00:30You're in information systems management.
00:33Mom, that is just data entry. You can slap a bow on some cow shit. It's still going to be cow shit.
00:39Don't be crude, sweetie. And I don't think that's the saying.
00:51Where is my desk? Have a seat.
00:56You have a lot of paperwork to fill out, so sit.
01:00It says you've had a job before. It's all standard. Employment contract, tax forms, insurance paperwork, et cetera, et cetera.
01:20Mom, don't get your hopes up. I don't plan on being at this job forever.
01:24Can you give this place a chance? You haven't even started yet.
01:28I hope I'm not interrupting.
01:30Oh, Warren! Of course not. Come in. Come in.
01:33Well, this must be the Novelette that I've heard so much about, huh?
01:37Hi.
01:37Hi. Warren, my place.
01:41This is going to be great, having a mother and daughter team working under me?
01:45Well, we're working in different departments, so I don't think we're really...
01:48It's like we're one whole big work family, right? And I'm the daddy.
01:55So, your mother tells me that you're passionate about the environment.
02:01I mean, I recycle.
02:03She does more than that.
02:05Of course. All you millennials are, right?
02:08And it was my generation that fucked it up in the first place, right?
02:12That's why I started this firm, you know?
02:16It was after my last business went under.
02:18And I asked myself, Warren, with the rest of the days that you have left,
02:23what can you do to make the world a better place?
02:25And then I'm sitting there, watching the old boob tube, gallons of oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico,
02:32and then it hit me.
02:35The earth.
02:37Hmm?
02:37Doing my part to save the planet.
02:42That's what I'm meant to do for the rest of my days.
02:45So, dusted myself off, I picked myself up, and I built up the courage
02:51to ask my father for another $5 million so I can open up green mode.
02:57And here we are.
02:58Wow. That's...
03:01inspiring.
03:03Well, thank you.
03:04Oh, Warren, I was just about to show enough letter workspace.
03:08Do you think we could continue this another time?
03:11Well, of course. Of course. Let's do that, huh?
03:15To be continued, right?
03:17See you later, family.
03:21Give him a chance. He means well.
03:27Come on.
03:28I'll show you where you're going to be working.
03:34One way that we can combat climate change is to actively decrease our carbon footprints.
03:40Activities like recycling, composting, and carpooling to work
03:44are all small ways that we can incorporate sustainability into our everyday lives.
03:49I love you.
03:50Good night.
03:51All right.
04:10Hey, you're the new girl.
04:29Yeah, who are you?
04:31That was you eight months ago.
04:33I'm Emily.
04:34Now what?
04:35So what did you do for work before this?
04:38I did social work.
04:40Really?
04:41That's awesome.
04:42Like NCFD?
04:43Ministry of Child and Family Development?
04:45Oh, no.
04:47I worked in the non-profit sector.
04:51Ah, so you're addicted to poverty.
04:53You'll fit right in here.
04:55Well, see you around.
04:57Okay.
04:59So you making friends?
05:02Yeah.
05:03And at recess, we're gonna play hopscotch on the playground.
05:07So how's your first day going?
05:09Fine.
05:10Boring.
05:11I mean, who knew there was so much to learn about sustainability?
05:15Word of advice?
05:17Lose the cynicism.
05:18You get much further in life.
05:20But it's what makes me so lovable.
05:22Speaking of which, I think Warren really likes you.
05:26I was just talking to him.
05:28We met for like two minutes where he mostly talked about himself.
05:31What could he possibly like about me?
05:33He says he senses a real tenacious spirit in you and that you have a bright future here.
05:37Mom?
05:38Y'all are coming across hella thirsty.
05:40Okay?
05:41I am not the next David Suzuki, nor am I Greta Tinberg.
05:45Going back to my desk.
05:47I believe in you, sweetie.
05:48Okay.
05:59Did you get the email I sent you?
06:01Sorry, didn't mean to spook ya.
06:03It's fine.
06:04I...
06:05No?
06:06I didn't get an email.
06:07What was it about?
06:08The green mode information management system?
06:10There's about six hours of training videos.
06:12There's more training videos?
06:14And an e-copy of the troubleshooting handbook.
06:16Troubleshooting what?
06:17Any problems you have with achievements.
06:19Was that in the job description?
06:21I didn't apply for that.
06:23Trust me.
06:24If I can learn to do it, so can you.
06:33Ready to go, Mom?
06:47Almost.
06:48So, was it everything you hoped for?
06:51How do I put this diplomatically?
06:54Um...
06:55Fuck no.
06:56Language.
06:57You did not tell me that I would need geek squad level experience to do this job.
07:00You're a millennial.
07:02Isn't that what you people do?
07:03Hmm.
07:04You know, didn't really appreciate the way you just said, you people.
07:07I meant someone young, who can learn and adapt quickly.
07:11I don't know how true that is.
07:13I mean, it took me forever to figure out how to schedule social media posts.
07:16Anyways, this office is filled with people your age you can learn from.
07:21Trust me.
07:22Once you get a hang of this job, you'll be so glad you begged me for it.
07:26Okay, I did not beg you.
07:28I politely asked if your company had any openings.
07:31Yeah, you begged.
07:32You, uh, did everything but get on your knees.
07:34Don't try and rewrite history.
07:35I am not rewriting anything, Mom.
07:37You remember it wrong.
07:39Congrats on a successful first day.
07:44I don't know if I would call it successful.
07:46Well, it didn't kill you, so I'll be happy about that.
07:50Sometimes when I'm in front of those entitled bratty students of mine, I feel like burning the whole place to the ground.
07:55It has been so long since I actually worked. The hours go by so slowly.
08:01I don't know how you do this every day.
08:03It's because you don't like what you're doing.
08:05I know when I'm teaching, time flies because I'm enjoying it.
08:08You just called your students entitled brats and said that you felt like committing arson.
08:13Sometimes.
08:14Hey, Dom.
08:18I was just knocking on your door.
08:20You did? What's up?
08:21You feel like hitting the club with me tonight?
08:23Girl, you don't have to ask me twice.
08:25Oh, it's been a long time since I wore my clubbing shorts.
08:27Oh, the ones with the glitter on the ass?
08:29I knew you were checking out my ass.
08:31Everybody has their weakness.
08:33Hi.
08:35You don't think I might want to go out?
08:38Every time I ask you, you always say no.
08:41But I would still like to be asked.
08:44Okay.
08:45Would you like to come along?
08:47Yes, I would.
08:49I'm gonna go get changed.
08:51Well, we'll come get you in a couple hours.
08:57Would you mind maybe cooling it with the overtly sexual energy that you were always putting out?
09:01Oh, and do what?
09:02Be more like you, Ms. Silent Orgasm?
09:05No thanks.
09:06Well, go get changed, man.
09:07I am not trying to pay cover tonight.
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