Taskmaster NZ S06 - E06
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Welcome to taskmaster. My name is Jeremy Wells and if you're watching this on-demand
00:41Please feel free to skip ahead six seconds to when this introduction is over and we finally get to the good bit when I tell you that I am the taskmaster
00:51With me on stage tonight are five winners of life and losers of tasks
01:00Please put your hands together for Alice Sneddon
01:04Brie Tomasel
01:07Jack Anset
01:09Jackie Van Beek
01:11And Pax Asadi
01:14And next to me as always because every principal first violinist needs someone by their side playing second fiddle
01:23It's the one, the only, Paul Williams
01:26I am ready for a prize task, Paul. What have we asked the contestants to do tonight?
01:35This week we've asked our contestants to bring in the two best things that rhyme
01:41I think we should start with Jack
01:46Musicians, they rhyme, would we all agree?
01:49Yes, yes, so I DM'd a whole lot of them and I guess just through my high profile I managed to get
01:58Susie Kato
02:04Yes, and famous New Zealand rapper Young Sizzle
02:09Young Sizzle looks a lot like young Jack Anset
02:16Oh yeah, we hear that all the time
02:19So they make rhymes
02:20Yeah
02:21Oh, but their names don't rhyme
02:22No, they don't, but they rhyme
02:24If you've made that one up, why not go to the effort of giving them a name that rhymes with Susie Kato?
02:32It feels like I'm really going to say see you, see you later to five points here
02:35Jackie, what did you bring in?
02:38Two things that rhyme, a nail and some mail
02:42Hmm
02:43Now the nail is self-explanatory and the mail a little bit of a back story
02:47So I have a wonderful marriage
02:50Um, thank you
02:52And my husband and I communicate very well about all of the big things
02:56With the small things not so great
02:58End of last year we get a parking ticket, didn't really sit down and talk about it
03:01Neither of us paid the fine
03:03Then I come home, there's a letter from Bay Corp on the table open
03:07Threatening court action if I don't pay it
03:10So yet again, Jessie and I don't communicate about that
03:14Um, but we both pay it
03:16And then we got sent this letter
03:19I've never seen a form from Bay Corp saying please stop paying
03:24And I am willing to give this to the person who wins this ep
03:28And if you can be bothered filling out the form, you get the refund
03:31Wow
03:32Great
03:33That's good
03:34Yeah, that's good
03:35So generous
03:36Okay, Pax, what did you bring in?
03:38We all agree that immigration is a good thing
03:40Absolutely
03:41Yeah
03:42Paul was saying something back space
03:43Yeah, I know Paul's beliefs
03:45Yeah
03:46But I believe that without immigration, you guys would mostly just be eating mashed potatoes
03:51Shepherds power
03:52Yeah
03:53Like we hate white people food
03:55You hate mashed potatoes?
03:56We pretend to like it for employment reasons
03:59Anyway, so what I've brought is two things that my people have brought to New Zealand that have enhanced the culinary experience
04:07And that is rice and spice
04:11They rhyme
04:13They rhyme
04:14They rhyme
04:15Saffron
04:16Honourly with you, I do not know what saffron is
04:20And you know what Jack?
04:21That checks out
04:24Alice, what did you bring in?
04:26Well Jeremy
04:27I think you'd agree
04:28One of the things we share in common is a love for 90s sitcom star Christina Applegate
04:35Yeah, there she is
04:36Truly the best at what she does
04:38I mean, could you name a better actor in her field?
04:41There you go
04:42Yeah
04:43That's exactly my point
04:44Yeah
04:45And you know, I thought
04:46What?
04:47What could possibly rhyme with her that would live up to the standard that she sets?
04:51And then it hit me
04:53Christina Applegate and the Sistina Chapel, mate
04:58Oh yeah
05:00So, are you saying that that's the Sistina Chapel like the
05:04No, I'm saying Sistine Chapel but I'm doing the respectful thing and doing a bit of an Italian accent
05:09Oh wow
05:11Sorry Brie, apologies
05:12I'm okay with it
05:13Okay, great
05:14Sistine, nothing
05:15I think go harder
05:16Yeah, go harder
05:17Yeah, go harder
05:18Yeah
05:19Brie, what did you bring in?
05:20This is easy for me because my two favourite things in the whole world actually rhyme
05:25Which is art and of course fart
05:29Oh
05:30Oh
05:32Hold on, that's just a jar
05:33Now hold on, hold on
05:34You might think that this is just a fart in a jar
05:38And on one hand you'd be correct
05:41But it needs more context as to why it is art
05:47Oh my god
05:52Oh my god
05:56Incredible
05:57That is amazing
06:01It's an art fart
06:02Wow
06:03Yeah, no that's five points right there
06:05Yes
06:08Pax, four points for you
06:10Yes
06:11Anything that nourishes billions is worth four points
06:13I agree
06:14Susie Kato and Young Sizzle, I'll give you three points for that Jack
06:19Wow
06:20Nice Jack
06:21Male and male
06:22Jackie, it rhymes so I'll give you two points
06:23Thank you
06:24And then one point for Alice because it didn't even rhyme
06:26Oh
06:27Wow
06:28So at the start of episode five
06:30Brie is running away with it in first place
06:33And Alice is leaving it where it is and having a lie down
06:37Right
06:38Let's get to the first proper task of the episode, Paul
06:42Here's one that will separate the poses from the athletes
06:54What are you doing?
06:55You could have done this before I came through the sheet
07:01There's nothing on it
07:03What are you doing there?
07:04It helps
07:05That's what you do, isn't it?
07:07Oh, okay
07:08Take the most
07:11Mind-blowing photo
07:13On the camera on the tripod
07:15Most mind-blowing photo wins
07:17The camera will take one photo exactly
07:22Five minutes after Paul says the phrase
07:27Great day for it
07:29I can't read the next bit
07:31Maybe we could just read it from the task in your pocket
07:33Well, should I just give you this one?
07:35Oh, that's nice
07:36Your time starts during the next task
07:41Oh, wow, so I don't do it now
07:42I do it during the next task
07:43I have to take the most mind-blowing photo
07:45Mm-hmm
07:48Okay
07:49See you soon
07:50See you soon
07:55Hello, Jack
07:56Hello, Alice
07:57Welcome
07:58You don't need to welcome me
07:59Well, I just did
08:00You're welcome
08:01No, no, you're welcome
08:02You're welcome
08:03You're welcome, man
08:04You're welcome
08:05You're welcome
08:06You're welcome
08:14Kick the ball into the caravan
08:16Fewest kicks wins
08:17You may attempt this as many times as you want
08:21However, if you start again
08:23All prior attempts are wiped
08:25You must start from the spot in the study
08:28You have 20 minutes
08:29Your time starts now
08:34So in terms of the task, Paul
08:36Yes
08:37There's two parts to it
08:38There is
08:39Kick a ball into the caravan
08:40As few kicks as possible
08:42And then during that task
08:43At some point
08:44I'll say the phrase
08:45Great day for it
08:46And then they have five minutes
08:47To get to the lab
08:48And take the most mind-blowing photo
08:49Okay, excellent
08:50Right
08:51Whose minimum kicks
08:52And maximum looks
08:54Are we going to see first
08:55By the way, Paul
08:56Mm-hmm
08:57You're welcome
08:58All jokes, Asadi is one of my favourite comedians
09:03Please welcome
09:04Pax Asadi
09:05Yeah
09:07Get in
09:08Get in
09:09That's one kick
09:15You
09:16Yes
09:17That's five
09:19That's six
09:20You've got 14 minutes
09:21Okay
09:26That turned the wrong way at the end
09:28That's seven
09:30Get over
09:31Glenfield Rovers
09:32Under-12's top goalscorer
09:38It went in
09:39That was good, eh?
09:40Yeah
09:41Yeah
09:42Thanks, Paul
09:43Wait, you don't want to try anymore?
09:45Do another one and wipe that one
09:46No way
09:47That was
09:48It's a great day for it
09:54That's the phrase
09:55What is?
09:56Either it's a great day for it
09:57Or let's go fishing
09:58And I feel like
09:59You haven't said let's go fishing
10:00So it must be that it's a great day for it
10:02Let's go fishing
10:03What?
10:04I'm super keen for fishing
10:05Paul, get in here
10:06I can't remember how much time I had
10:08I'm not sure either, sorry
10:09Let's just practice
10:11Three
10:12Two
10:13One
10:14That's good
10:15Okay, now what do we do?
10:17Well, I don't know when it's gonna go off
10:19So
10:20Do we have to constantly jump?
10:22I guess so
10:23I also don't know if the phrase is
10:25Let's go fishing
10:26Or
10:27It's a good day for it
10:28Because you said both
10:29Was that it?
10:33Yeah
10:34Yeah
10:41Okay, so
10:42What was gonna be mind-blowing about
10:44Two guys on a mop?
10:46Um
10:47Uh
10:48Nothing
10:50I'm quite happy with my kicks though
10:51Yeah
10:52Glenfield Rovers
10:53Under 12
10:54Under 12's top goal scorer
10:55Yeah, I can see why
10:56What sport was Glenfield Rovers?
10:58Soccer
10:59Oh
11:03Burn
11:04What does that mean?
11:05I've said all I need to say
11:08Alright, get ready
11:09We're going to take a photo of you as soon as the ad break is up
11:13So you better be back here by then
11:15And you better be looking your best
11:17Your time starts now
11:29Welcome back to Taskmaster
11:34Right, what were we doing Paul?
11:36Our contestants were trying to complete two tasks at once
11:40They had to get the ball in the caravan with as few kicks as possible
11:43And five minutes after I said the phrase great day for it
11:46They had to pose for the most mind-blowing photo in the lab
11:50Right, whose kicks and snaps are we going to see next Paul?
11:54It's ladies night
11:56Go off queens
11:57It's time for my gals
11:59Alice, Bree and Jackie
12:02Shall we start?
12:03Mhm
12:06Would you consider this a kick?
12:11Is that a kick?
12:12Didn't think so
12:15Okay, I'm going to start again
12:19Shit
12:24Because my foot's not
12:26Oh shit
12:33Shit
12:34No, that's gone badly
12:35Okay
12:36Great day for it
12:37Oh, come on
12:40Great day for it
12:44It's a great day for it
12:45It really is
12:46Okay
12:50That's four
12:51So what are you doing? Setting a timer?
12:52Yeah
12:55That's five
12:56I'm going again
12:59Don't look at me like that
13:04You've got 14 minutes 45
13:06Far out
13:07Time management
13:15Oh, pretty good, Paul
13:16Okay, let's go
13:17Photo time, Paul
13:19Three
13:22Let's go take a photo
13:24Are you sure?
13:25Positive
13:26Oh, shit
13:29Will we know if the photo's been taken?
13:31It'll be flash
13:32Oh
13:38Oh no
13:39I don't think this is possible
13:40Ah
13:41That's going to be one hell of a fight
13:42Okay, quick Paul, back up here
13:43Okay
13:44Not bad
13:45Rugby plays do it
13:46Oh man
13:47This might be my greatest moment on Taskmaster yet
13:48Count me down from 10
13:49You want to wait till there's 10 seconds left?
13:50Yep
13:51Yep
13:52So you're trying to give yourself more pressure?
13:53Yeah
13:548
13:558
14:08The greatest moment I'll Taskmaster yet.
14:11Count me down from 10.
14:14You want to wait till there's 10 seconds left?
14:16Yep.
14:17So you're trying to give yourself more pressure?
14:18Yeah.
14:218, 7, 6.
14:28Happy with that.
14:33Brie, you went for the down on your knees blowing technique.
14:38You wanted a mind blowing photo, I gave you the opposite in the other task.
14:44Jackie, in terms of kicking the ball, can you define what a kick is?
14:50So what I was attempting to do there was I wedged it in between my two ankles,
14:54kept the contact going, so I'd started the kick but I hadn't finished the kick.
14:58So it was still kick one.
15:02That's one kick.
15:03Yeah, no, we get the idea.
15:05But I was really excited about my photo.
15:07I'm feeling pretty good about my photo now.
15:11Before we get to the photos, how about kicks?
15:13So Pax was 9 kicks.
15:15Alice, her final attempt, 5 kicks.
15:18Wow.
15:19Wow.
15:20Brie, 5 kicks.
15:22Wow.
15:23Jackie, there was some hopping.
15:26A little.
15:27But 7 kicks.
15:28Yeah, I really thought my 9 kicks was good.
15:30It is good Pax, just not as good as 5.
15:33Yeah, or 7.
15:34I'll tell you what the good news is, that there's still one person to go.
15:37And he is unbelievably uncoordinated.
15:40Ready, and set, and go.
15:43Okay.
15:44First kick.
15:46Gonna hit it over the...
15:49I'm just gonna do what we call in the business a trick shot.
15:54Okay.
15:55Don't count that, Paul.
15:56I'm counting every kick.
15:57Whoa, okay.
15:58And we go down.
15:59Kick the bull into the caravan, they say.
16:00Yes.
16:01Simple task.
16:02Great day for it.
16:03Oh, shit.
16:04Sorry, Paul.
16:05It's 20.
16:06Do you reckon I should try that again?
16:07Probably.
16:08I'm gonna try it again.
16:09Okay, through the kitchen.
16:10Through the kitchen.
16:13Through the kitchen.
16:22Through the kitchen.
16:27Through the kitchen.
16:30Through the kitchen.
16:35through the kitchen okay then have you got that
16:42through the kitchen yes yes two that's three yes yes yes three four
16:56that was the most successful moment in the history of this show
17:15thanks Paul thank you Jack great work for you Jack great kick yeah but you
17:34obviously missed the second part of that task are you happy with it it was an
17:38abstract shot I don't know if you know much about the photography field Jeremy
17:43but sometimes silence speaks volume yeah so in terms of the the kicks Jack four
17:51kicks well you restarted 22 times yeah okay so one point for packs yeah two
17:59points for Jackie three points for Brian Ellis and then five points for Jack okay
18:07should we take a look at these mind-blowing photos and judge them yes
18:11wow I look like I'm birthing Paul and that's pretty mind-blowing Jackie what
18:19have you got on underneath that jacket nothing good okay it's pretty clear to
18:24me obviously Jack is one okay Alice is two you and packs on the mop three okay
18:33Brie birthing you four and Jackie with no clothes on with an overcoat five
18:39okay okay so how's that effective the overall scores then leading episode five
18:46with twelve points Brie Thomas L early guys early guys let's keep it moving
18:54shall we what have you got next for me hear my voice I entreat it's time for
18:59another task
19:06oh Paul Paul Williams hello Paul oh patriotic mm-hmm improve our national anthem biggest
19:21improvement wins you have 40 minutes your time starts now oh boy how does it go god of nations
19:31at thy feet in the bonds of delirity maybe we bleep every word or reference to thing that I'm not
19:41comfortable with god beep from the shaft what shaft are we talking about shaft absolutely not
19:49the national anthem when does it play before epic sporting moments do you
19:55remember an epic sporting moment from any of my tasks recently I think we need to
20:02scrap the English do you speak any other languages I speak Farsi okay which is the
20:07language of Iran I think New Zealand will be like on board with that I feel like we
20:11go for like a pitbull type of vibe because nothing gets me more hyped than mr.
20:16worldwide agreed cool
20:20you don't look particularly excited about watching this task Brie this is the one
20:27task that I hope would be cut from the show Brie has said that to us every morning
20:34I've lived here for eight years and I've done a lot of stuff that I thought would get me deported
20:39but I'm pretty positive that this will be it I've also done a lot of stuff that could get me
20:45deported but I was born here so you can't do anything about it sucka whose anthem are we
20:50gonna hear first Paul it's Alice Sneddon the New Zealand national anthem it's just not good
20:59enough I have reconstructed it both to give it a sicker beat and to get rid of any
21:04language I deemed offensive thank you I should have done it
21:09a movie
21:16at thy feet in the bombs of love we meet
21:24EV18
21:25hear our voices
21:27we ask of you
21:29we ask of you
21:31our free land
21:34Pacific's triple star
21:38from the
21:40of
21:41and
21:42make
21:44heard of
21:47our
21:48New Zealand
21:52and
21:59firstly let me congratulate you for adding that sick beat
22:05could we go through some of the words that you took issue with and cut out
22:10yeah
22:11firstly the word nations which is quite important I guess if it's a national anthem
22:16well I just think you know what's nationalism ever done for us what about the word guard guard was gone
22:25um
22:27um
22:28because I think why be guarded vulnerability is the most powerful thing that you could ever have
22:35I hear you know
22:36yeah yeah yeah and then you replace the word meat with meat yeah that's just a personal preference
22:42ah
22:44I'm ready for another anthem Paul
22:46draped in a flag with the Union Jack it's Union Jack Ansett
22:54God of nations at thy feet
22:59In the bonds of love we meet
23:05hear our voices
23:08we entreat
23:10God
23:12defend
23:13our
23:14free
23:15land
23:16God
23:18Pacific's
23:20triple star
23:22from the
23:24shams of
23:26strife and war
23:28make our
23:30make our
23:31praises
23:32heard of
23:33far
23:35God
23:38defend
23:39New Zealand
23:41Oh
23:42whoo
23:43whoo
23:44whoo
23:45whoo
23:46whoo
23:47whoo
23:48whoo
23:49whoo
23:50whoo
23:51whoo
23:52whoo
23:53whoo
23:54whoo
23:55whoo
23:56whoo
23:57I think I along with a lot of people at home will be asking the question there Jack
24:02in what way is that an improvement?
24:04my amazing
24:05kick
24:06was included
24:07what's happening at any sporting event you're turning up to say the All Blacks are playing
24:11yeah
24:12you sing the anthem and then on the big screens they play you kicking a ball in Taskmaster
24:15yes
24:16into a caravan
24:17Jack Jack be honest
24:18is it just because you wanted us to see your awesome kick again because it was an awesome kick
24:22I just think you guys are all ganging up on the young guy because I'm an easy target and that is a reflection on you as comedians you get the low hanging fruit
24:30only you could make being a straight white man in comedy the low hanging fruit
24:37I'm just not listening you guys carry on I'm just going to play on my phone
24:42carry on
24:43we've got three more national anthems to go but first let's enjoy the global anthem of ads it's time for more of them I'll see you in a moment
24:52welcome back to Taskmaster
25:08the five comedians are working as hard as they can to win Susie Cato and Art Green's fart
25:15what were we doing before the break Paul?
25:17our comedians were attempting to improve the national anthem so far we've seen Alice Sneddon censor half the words
25:24and Jack Ansett turn the celebration of our nation into the celebration of himself
25:28excellent stuff and as always please address all of your complaints to those comedians directly
25:34thanks very much
25:35who's up next Paul?
25:36up next with some light treason it's Pax Society
25:40are you ready?
25:41yeah
25:42are you proud of what we created?
25:43I'm not sure what you've created
25:45well I'm gonna be honest with you I've gone in like a slightly different direction
25:49okay
25:50but still I think middle New Zealand and the South Island are gonna love it
25:54and you wholeheartedly endorse everything I'm about to sing yeah?
25:57I don't know what you're about to sing
25:58but just yes or no?
26:01yes
26:02okay
26:03unravel the flag
26:04music!
26:05technology
26:06Mansa
26:08one
26:13that I feel like
26:16who are you
26:18as a
26:19man
26:21mm
26:22huh
26:23yes
26:24man
26:25When I tell you right, if you don't accept me
26:31You have to be the last year, you must be in prison
26:38It's the best of everyone, it's the best of everyone
26:47It's the worst of you, it's the worst of you
26:55Kia kaha New Zealand
26:58So Pax, did you improve the national anthem or did you write an anthem for a new quasi-Iranian military dictatorship?
27:11Yeah, it's a national anthem for a new state that is located in Newland
27:16Where I live
27:19The beret was an interesting move
27:21It felt quite Gaddafi-esque
27:24It suited you way too much
27:26Yeah, yeah
27:27And, you know, I miss Gaddafi
27:29Oh, sorry, I miss Gaddafi
27:32Holy shit
27:37I think I'm ready for another anthem, Paul
27:40Wobbledy-dabbedy-free-ish is Jackie Van Beek
27:43Hello, you may not recognise me, but my name is Jackie Van Beek
27:47I'm just wearing a wig
27:49We are going to sing the national anthem for you
27:51But this version will be entirely in gibberish
27:54A language that everybody loves and knows
27:57Okay, hit it, Paul, give me my starting note
27:59You may be a road worker
28:20I think I'm going to sing the national anthem for you
28:21I think I'm going to sing the national anthem for you
28:23Thank you
28:24Thank you
28:25Is that German?
28:46No, gibberish
28:47Ciao
28:48Ciao
28:49Or should I say, Auf Wiedersehen?
28:51Beautiful
28:52Thank you
28:57I'm sure you won't mind me asking Jackie, but what the hell was that?
29:00I've tried to make our national anthem more accessible
29:04Something that everybody can sing
29:06You can improvise it
29:07You don't need to learn the words
29:08Jackie, I don't know if you've been to like a school assembly in the South Island
29:11But that's how they sing the national anthem already
29:15Okay, you've got one more national anthem for me, Paul
29:19She's here to answer the question we've all been asking for years
29:22What if instead of being written by the Irish poet Thomas Bracken in 1876
29:27Our national anthem was written by the Cuban-American rapper Pitbull?
29:31Finally, we'll know for sure, here she is, Brie Thomas-Hell
29:38We're going down under for this one
29:43With a hug, who is it?
29:45We love ya
29:48Mrs.0610 in the house
29:52And that's Paul Kulo
29:54Kulo
29:58Kulo
29:59Team of legends, Cody's neat
30:01Hear our voices, we intrigued
30:03Beyonce defend our free land
30:06Guard our pies and local tans
30:08From those Wallabies and English clans
30:11Beyonce defend New Zealand
30:16Go Paul, let's see you shibby
30:20New Zealand
30:21We out
30:29Stay golden pony boy
30:31That was impressive work
30:36I mean I never would have thought of rhyming tans with New Zealand
30:39I'm a lyricist
30:41Why was Beyonce defending New Zealand? That's the only question I have to ask
30:46Look, I had a full blown panic attack writing the lyrics and it was the only person I could think of
30:52Replacing God, I believe
30:54Oh, okay
30:55Yeah
30:56So, for me, it's who did the least damage to the national anthem, not who improved it?
31:02I don't think anyone improved it
31:03Okay, I'll be honest, not only did I did audible audio damage, but I also probably did a lot of political damage
31:08So, um, that's an issue
31:10I'm pleased you say that and that's why I'm gonna give you one point
31:14Jackie, I'll give you two points
31:16Jack, three points for you
31:18Okay
31:19I think every sporting triumph that we've ever had was humiliated by what you did
31:23But still, that's fine
31:25Four points for you, Alice
31:27Cause it wasn't as crap as the other ones
31:30And then, believe it or not, Bree, you're gonna get five for Vibe
31:34Wow
31:38We need to take a quick break so that we can formally write to the New Zealand Government
31:42And apologise for what we've just done
31:44We'll see you after this
31:45Kukumaya, welcome back to Taskmaster
31:59The only show brave enough to admit that writing the New Zealand National Anthem is harder than it looks
32:05I think it's best that we move on to another task, Paul
32:08Jeremy, this task involves clowns
32:10But enough about the contestants
32:12Here it is
32:25Hi Paul
32:26Hello Jack
32:27How are we?
32:28Not good
32:29Oh
32:31Aha
32:32Jackie
32:35Oh, you found your siblings
32:38That's not nice
32:39I was just gonna go and check out the gold rush
32:42Time for a task
32:48Alrighty
32:49Get a ball into a clown's mouth, that's disgusting
32:53If attempting from the closest spot
32:56You may use the spoon
32:57You may use the spoon
32:58If attempting from the furthest spot
33:00The clowns will not be moving
33:01If successful from the furthest spot
33:04Your time will be halved
33:06You may not move the spots
33:08Both feet must be on your spot
33:10Your time starts now
33:11Okay
33:12Can I do one and then decide to do another one?
33:14You can switch
33:15Sweet
33:17So this doesn't seem too difficult, this task?
33:19No
33:20Really straightforward
33:21Get one ball in the clown's mouth
33:23Okay
33:24Who's feeding the clown's mouth first, Paul?
33:26They're the only parents this season
33:28So hopefully they've had some experience feeding a human being
33:31It's Jackie and Pax
33:34Quick question, if I throw you the ball, you could pop it in for me?
33:37You could try
33:38Here we go
33:39So just pop
33:40Okay, that's not very cooperative
33:44It's a confidence game
33:47Maybe it'd be better if I closed my eyes
33:50Oh!
33:51Get in the mouth!
33:53It's a weird thing to yell
33:54Paul, could you just put the scurry around and collect the balls for me please?
33:56Can I change my choice?
33:57You can
33:58Just a couple more tries
33:59Okay, I change
34:02Okay, I think I'm gonna change tack
34:05So can I have the clowns moving and not use the spoon?
34:08You may use the spoon, but you don't have to
34:11Okay, well now that you say that, I wanna use the spoon
34:18Okay, I'm gonna throw
34:20All I can hope is that everyone else is unbelievably uncoordinated
34:25Come on, man
34:27Okay
34:29Spoon
34:34This is going really badly
34:38Time for scrummy
34:40This is much harder than it looks
34:42This is really bad
34:44Time for scrummy
34:46Yes!
34:48Stop the part
34:50I mean, beat that
34:52Thank you, Jack
34:53Okay
34:54Open task
34:55I imagine, Pax, that that ball would have been on the ground a couple of times actually before you fed it to Paul
35:09Yeah, that ball went to a lot of strange places before it went to Paul's mouth
35:12But, um, that task was weirdly difficult
35:16Yeah, but the mounting frustration from even just watching that task was incredible
35:21Yeah, Jackie, you were clearly struggling with the throwing
35:24But then at one stage you thought maybe you'd be better if you closed your eyes
35:27Often I am
35:28Often I am
35:29If I just kind of free my mind, close my eyes and just go for it
35:32Yeah, I have seen her drive, it's terrifying
35:35So in terms of times, Paul
35:38Yes
35:39What are we looking at there?
35:40Jackie, 3 minutes 41 seconds
35:42Happy with that
35:43Wow
35:44Pax, 6 minutes 3 seconds
35:46Not as good
35:47It felt longer
35:49So both went from the closest mat
35:52Who have we got next, Paul?
35:53Bree and Jack
35:55I'm just going to try
35:58Get a few in
36:02From my softball days, Paul
36:04Do I have to have both feet on the mat?
36:06Ah, yes
36:07Okay
36:11Don't worry, Paul, we won't need too much more Elias
36:13You know what I love, Paul?
36:15I love a montage
36:17Cue montage
36:18Cue montage
36:19Hoo-yah
36:23Hoo-yah
36:25Gah
36:26No quidder Paul
36:27When I get this in I want it played at my funeral
36:29Can you see to that?
36:30What, kill you?
36:31What?
36:36Do you want to like, just google some quotes, like, about success?
36:40There might be a few Dumbledore quotes
36:42It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live
36:46Wow
36:47You getting hungry, Paul?
36:48Yeah
36:49Yeah, I'm pretty hungry too
36:50Tell you who's very hungry
36:51Yeah
36:52This guy
36:54You guys want me to cave and do the spoon, don't you?
36:56I'm not caving
36:57I know
36:58Thanks mate
36:59Thank you Brie
37:00See ya
37:01Bye
37:02Oh my god
37:03They're getting another memory card
37:04That's how you know you take for too long
37:05Thanks
37:06Thanks mate
37:07Thank you Brie
37:08See ya
37:09Bye
37:10Oh my god, they're getting another memory card
37:12That's how you know you take for too long
37:14We're in those quotes, Paul
37:15Happy in the sky
37:16Yeah, I've got a plan
37:17I'm gonna get some blocks
37:18And I'm gonna make a funnel
37:19Okay
37:20Just need to push it in
37:21Push it in, push it in, push it in, with one more
37:26Come on, one last push
37:27I've stopped the clock
37:28Oh my god
37:29Thank you
37:30Wow, Jay
37:31You're so good
37:32I'm gonna make a funnel
37:33I'm gonna make a funnel
37:34Okay
37:35Oh my god
37:36I'm gonna make a funnel
37:37Okay
37:38Just need to push it in
37:39Push it in, push it in, with one more
37:41Come on, one last push
37:44I've stopped the clock
37:45Oh my god
37:46Thank you
37:48Thank you
37:50Thank you
37:56Wow, Jack
37:57What was it about this task that made you bring up your death multiple times?
38:01I don't think that footage reflected how painful that was
38:05I will forever be haunted by hearing you say, push it in, push it in, come on, just one more push
38:11Brie, you look like a clown had done something to you at some stage
38:15Like, the idea of biffing them that hard, did you think that was gonna help them go in?
38:19Honestly, I could not wipe my ass for three days
38:23My arm and shoulder was so sore from like throwing so many balls and then I'm not joking
38:30Got it in first go with the spoon
38:32Who would have known?
38:33Oh, okay
38:35So Brie took 29 minutes and 36 seconds, which was 186 attempts
38:41Jack, 55 minutes and 8 seconds
38:44Oh, not bad
38:45Which was 639 attempts
38:47Whoa
38:48But
38:49Jeez
38:50He did get it from the furthest spot
38:52Yeah
38:53Which means it's half to 27 minutes and 34 seconds
38:56I mean I gotta say the funnel was quite a feat of ad hoc engineering
39:00Thank you, thanks for the compliment
39:01Well I would actually like to say a couple more things
39:03Oh you will, okay
39:04The task did say both your feet had to be on the spot
39:08Oh for God's sake
39:11Roll tape
39:13Oh no
39:14I wouldn't say that's in the mouth
39:16It's in the mouth
39:17It's in the mouth
39:18It's in the mouth
39:19It's in the mouth
39:20It's in the mouth
39:21It's in the mouth
39:22That's definitely disqualified
39:26Oh
39:27Oh
39:28If it's any consolation, lovely calves
39:32They look great
39:33Lovely calves
39:34They look great
39:35Beautiful
39:36It's break time now
39:37But we'll be back soon with more from the mouthy clowns
39:39And also the rest of the task
39:41We'll see you shortly
39:42Welcome back to Taskmaster
39:55Where comedians are trying to force food into the mouths of clowns
39:59In what I'm sure for one young viewer at home is a formative moment
40:03And the beginning of a lifelong fear
40:05Who's the contestant heading to clown town next, Paul?
40:08It's Alice Snather
40:10Your time starts now
40:11Okay
40:16Can I change my mind?
40:17Yeah
40:26Four people on the mat?
40:28Yeah
40:29Do you think that'll be a good time?
40:31No
40:32What would you consider a bad time?
40:34Anything above 10-15 seconds
40:37Okay
40:38Thank you Alice
40:41I ran so easy
40:46I ran so easy
40:47That's how you do it
40:49But you had to use the spoon
40:50No
40:51No
40:52Okay
40:53I think it said you may use the spoon
40:55Every time I succeed on this show Jack loses years of his life
41:02If it was a soccer ball I would have just
41:04No
41:05So Jack disqualified
41:08Brie 29 minutes 36
41:10Pax 6 minutes 03
41:12Jackie 3 minutes 41
41:14Alice 2 minutes 28
41:15So that's 0 points for Jack
41:172 points for Brie
41:183 points for Pax
41:194 points for Jackie
41:204 points for Alice Sneddon
41:214 points for Alice Sneddon
41:225 points for Alice Sneddon
41:25Good show
41:26Good show
41:27Okay
41:28How are the episode scores going Paul?
41:30In first with a 4 point lead over second it's Brie Thomassell
41:37Okay you guys head up onto the stage for the final task of the show
41:42Thank you
41:46Okay Paul
41:47Who's reading the task tonight?
41:49Pax Asadi
41:50Count the popcorn popped
41:52Closest to the correct amount wins
41:54Simultaneously
41:56The taskmaster will conduct a pop quiz
41:58You must pop a balloon of your assigned colour
42:00To submit an answer
42:01Each correct answer will offset your popcorn count 5 pops
42:04Closer to the correct amount
42:06Each wrong answer will take your answer 5 pops
42:10Further away from the correct amount
42:12Okay
42:15Are you ready?
42:16Yes
42:17In what ocean is the Bermuda Triangle located?
42:22Pax
42:23The Atlantic Ocean
42:24Correct
42:25What is the name of the main character in the movie Home Alone?
42:30Brie
42:31Kevin
42:32McAlister
42:33Correct
42:34The Grand Canyon lies in which American stud
42:37Yes
42:38Arizona
42:39Correct
42:40Which band is made up of members with the names Larry, Adam, The Edge and Bono?
42:46Oh!
42:47Maroon 5!
42:48No
42:49How many states are there in the United Arab Emirates?
42:54Alice
42:5512
42:56No
42:57Have there been less or more than 1,628 All Blacks?
43:04Jack
43:05Less
43:06Correct
43:07What colours are on the flag of the Ivory Coast?
43:12Pax
43:13I'm dizzy
43:15Orange
43:17White
43:18And green
43:19Orange, white and green
43:20Correct
43:21Oh!
43:22Oh!
43:23Oh!
43:24That was horrific!
43:26Landed it
43:27Oh!
43:28Wow!
43:29On your spots please
43:30Write your answer please
43:35Okay
43:36Alice
43:37136 pops
43:38Brie
43:40I just went with 301
43:41Whoa!
43:42Oh god
43:43Jack
43:4476
43:46Jackie
43:47Closer to what I had, I had 107
43:50Mmm
43:51I went with 200
43:52Okay
43:53We've got all those
43:54Come on down and we'll score it
44:00So, the correct number of popcorn
44:03371
44:04Oh!
44:05So, after the quiz adjustments
44:09Alice
44:10231
44:11Jack
44:1281
44:13Pax
44:14210
44:15Jackie
44:16107
44:17And Brie
44:18306
44:20That means
44:221 point for Jack
44:232 points for Jackie
44:243 points for Pax
44:254 points for Alice
44:26And 5 points for Brie
44:27Wow
44:28Wow
44:29Honestly
44:30So
44:31Let's talk about the episode scores then Paul
44:34The winner of episode 5 is Brie Thomas L
44:39Congratulations Brie
44:40Please go and enjoy your warming item
44:44Get out of there Jack
44:46Tō māna hau au kia roa
44:47Get out of there Jack
44:48Oh
44:49Oh
44:50So sorry
44:51That's a bad start
44:52We can do better
44:53Ding dong
44:54Did anyone order a task?
44:55Oh
44:56Blimey
44:57Do that
44:58I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic and not so much a kind of duck archery fanatic
45:02And not so much a duck archery fanatic
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