- 2 weeks ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Welcome to Taskmaster. My name is Jeremy Wells and earlier this year in a secret conclave
00:41I was selected to be the leader of the Roman Catholic Church. However, I traded that position in to become something far more powerful
00:49And now I am the Taskmaster
00:55Joining me tonight are my faithful Cardinals, Alice Sneddon
01:00Bree Thomas L
01:02Jack Anset
01:04Jackie Van Beach
01:06And Pax Asadi
01:10And by my side, as always, is a man who lives his life in the fast lane
01:15Except at the Glenfield Leisure Centre swimming pool
01:18Who is asked to move to the slow lane
01:21It's Paul Williams
01:25Before we get started tonight, I wanted to read a poem
01:28Would that be okay?
01:30Yeah, absolutely
01:39It's really beautiful
01:42Should we get into the prize task?
01:44Sure thing, Jeremy
01:45Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the best thing to snap
01:51Pax Asadi, what did you bring in?
01:53I'm just going to show you
01:56Oh
01:57Chalk thins
01:58They snap on multiple levels
02:00They're thin, so they're very easy to snap
02:02And they make a very satisfying noise when they snap
02:05Second level is that this is my favourite biscuit
02:09So they also snap my will to eat healthy
02:14How long's the packet been open?
02:17That has been in my cupboard for a while
02:20I don't think it would be a snap
02:22No, it wouldn't
02:23No, no, no, no
02:24That has been opened recently
02:25Oh, so now you know when it was opened
02:27Yeah
02:28Alice, what did you bring in?
02:29Physical things to snap are exciting
02:31But there's nothing more exciting than sort of an emotional snap
02:36And as a child what I discovered is that the ability to provoke a reaction out of one of your siblings
02:43Is bar none the best experience
02:46So I've brought in my sister
02:50Beautiful
02:51Yeah, she doesn't look it but she's a real bitch
02:55Just so you understand the prize task
02:57Your sister is going home with someone tonight who wins the episode
03:00Yeah
03:01Not only is she going home with someone tonight
03:03But I will tell that person all of her deepest vulnerabilities
03:09Brie, what did you bring in?
03:10Deep down I am a country girl at heart through and through
03:14Which is why I know the best thing to snap is this
03:19Oh!
03:21Wow
03:27Do we snap a whip or do we crack a whip?
03:29Or do we crack a whip?
03:30We crack a whip?
03:31We definitely crack a whip
03:32Oh!
03:33Paul, I'd love you to look up the definition of snap
03:35A break suddenly and completely
03:38Typically with a sharp cracking sound
03:42Not bad, not bad
03:44Jackie, what did you bring in?
03:46I realised that by episode six
03:48Everyone would have been becoming very kind of snappy
03:51And kind of mean-spirited
03:52So I have chosen
03:57It's a snap and heat hand warmer
03:58That gives you a feeling of warmth that goes from your palm
04:01Up your arm
04:03Across kind of here down around your left breast
04:06Into your heart
04:07And just makes you think
04:08I'm so lucky to be here with you guys
04:11And not snapping at each other
04:12And just feeling like I snapped that
04:14But now I've got a feeling of warmth in my heart
04:16I feel that
04:17And what does it do to your breast?
04:18Okay
04:19Yeah
04:20Can I just say one last word?
04:21I just want to give one last word
04:23One word
04:26Positivity
04:28That was the best ending you've had so far
04:30I gotta say
04:31At least it ended
04:32Thank you Jeremy
04:33Jack, what did you bring in?
04:34I think the best thing to snap is
04:37These guys
04:39So, using a $250 disguise
04:45I snapped photos of all of these guys
04:48Without them realising
04:50Here is me next to Alice coming back from the airport
04:56I will not sign a release
04:59Here is me at Pax's comedy show
05:02Did you remember that?
05:04I genuinely remember
05:05Looking at you
05:07Thinking
05:08Guy looks weird
05:11Here is me seeing Jackie on a walk
05:14With her husband up Mount Eden
05:16And I said to him after we passed you
05:18I was like
05:19Whoa
05:20And Jessie was like
05:21What?
05:22And I said
05:23The dude with the beard
05:25The next photo is outside Bree's radio station
05:28How creepy is that got?
05:33Wow
05:35This is going to be easy
05:36Pax, one
05:37Because you just bought a pack of biscuits in
05:40Yeah, I knew it
05:41Jackie, two
05:42Because you swung by Costco again on the way here
05:45Three for Alice
05:46I understand what that's like to make a sibling snap
05:49That's quite a good feeling
05:51Bree, cracking the whip
05:52That's quite sexy
05:53I'll give you four
05:54And five for Jack
05:55Because that's very good
05:56Thank you
05:58Oh, it feels good
05:59Feels good
06:00Yeah
06:01Okay, I really am ready for another task
06:03What have we got?
06:04Ding dong
06:05Did anyone order a task?
06:06Well, here you go
06:15Hi Paul
06:16Hello Jackie
06:17Great to see you again
06:18Hi Paul
06:19Oh my god, Paul
06:20Hey
06:21Hey Paul
06:22Oh, lunch
06:23I didn't have
06:24Sorry
06:26Deliver this burger to the caravan
06:28Easy
06:29Fastest wins
06:30No problem
06:31You may not throw
06:32Or disrespect the burger
06:34Disrespect the burger?
06:36Don't laugh
06:37That's disrespecting the burger
06:38I'm so sorry
06:39Every time you wish to take a step with the burger
06:42You must first complete one of the 50 steps on Paul's scroll
06:46What scroll?
06:47What scroll?
06:48Oh, that scroll
06:49You may choose which numbered step from the scroll you wish to complete
06:54You may not look at Paul's scroll
06:56Don't look at it
06:57Oh, so I can't even look at it like there?
06:59I'd prefer it if you didn't
07:00Your time starts now
07:07Alright, who's leading the charge with this one, Paul?
07:09Stepping up to the plate first
07:11It's Bree and Alice
07:12Number eight
07:13Spin around five times without falling over
07:15Thirteen
07:16Do heads, shoulders, knees and toes
07:19Oh shit, Paul
07:20I do the song wrong
07:22Heads and shoulders, knees and toes
07:24We all got hands together
07:29Was that two steps?
07:30That was one
07:31You stepped with that foot and then you stepped with that foot
07:33I don't believe that to be true
07:35Number six
07:36Say your name backwards
07:37Eerie
07:38Number twelve
07:39Touch two things that rhyme
07:41Red head
07:42Number one
07:43Smile
07:45Fifteen
07:46Balance something on your finger while reciting a nursery rhyme
07:49Mary had a little lamb's whistle's white as snow
07:52Wow
07:53Seventh
07:54Recreate a famous painting using only your body
07:58Twenty-two
07:59Draw yourself riding your favourite animal
08:01That's a huge pig
08:04Number two, please
08:05Whisper your middle name ten times
08:07Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie
08:09Thirty-four
08:10Bury an item and give it a moving eulogy
08:13What's that?
08:14It's your pen
08:15Hey
08:16Touch two things that rhyme
08:19Badge
08:21Forty
08:22Balance four stones on top of each other
08:25What?
08:26Five
08:27Okay
08:28Okay
08:29It's balanced
08:30Hold on, I haven't even moved the burger once
08:33Yeah
08:34What?
08:36Two
08:37Sing your favourite vegetable
08:39Asparagus
08:40Asparagus
08:41Oh
08:42Four
08:43Sit down and then stand up
08:48Touch
08:49Stop the clock
08:50Thanks Paul
08:51I think there was a few things I could have done better
08:53Like what?
08:54The start
08:55The start and the middle and the end
08:56The start and the middle and the end
08:59Alice
09:00You weren't paying a lot of attention to the task
09:02Because there was that point where you'd forgotten to move the burger
09:06With all due respect to the burger I thought I'll let you have a little rest
09:11You take it easy for a bit I'll get the work done and then I'll bring you up to speed as and when needed
09:18Brie, heads, shoulders, knees and toes
09:21What did you do? Can you do it?
09:22What was it?
09:23What did you do?
09:24Heads and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, heads and shoulders, knees and toes
09:29We all clap hands together
09:31It's in my brain I can't get rid of it
09:33Is that cause in regional Queensland you have extra knees and toes?
09:37Let's talk times
09:39Alice, 12 minutes and 8 seconds
09:41She completed 14 steps
09:43Rie, 6 minutes and 9 seconds
09:45Wow
09:46She did 11 steps
09:47Okay
09:48This is a great opportunity for us all to get our 10,000 steps in
09:51Why don't you wander around the living room while the ads are playing and we'll see you after a couple of minutes
10:01Welcome back to Taskmaster
10:11What's going on Paul?
10:12Our contestants are delivering burgers to the caravan
10:15Up next, Du Bois
10:17Delivering a boiga
10:2148
10:22Find three gnomes in the forest
10:24Oh what?
10:2527
10:26Perform a one minute Shakespearean monologue about sandwiches
10:30Oh sandwich
10:32Oh
10:33Your lettuce
10:34Mmm
10:35You want that Romeo?
10:36Get that down ya, ya dog
10:39Thank you
10:41Okay
10:4250
10:43Head to the forest on the far side of the lake and find the lost treasure of the Esperanza
10:47All the way down there?
10:48Are you serious?
10:4932
10:50Make a paper airplane and fly it over the caravan long ways
10:54You made many paper planes before?
10:56I think this is my third one in my entire life
10:59Wow
11:03Oh, I found an X
11:05Is that it?
11:06Yeah
11:07All for that, the rubber ducky
11:08I'm gonna YouTube
11:10Really good paper airplane
11:13He has quite nice hands
11:15Beautiful hands
11:16Like just the right amount of hair
11:1812, I'll go with 12
11:19Touch two things that rhyme
11:21Us
11:22Grass
11:23Look at this bro
11:24Honestly it feels like we're in Top Gear now
11:26Are you Tom Cruise?
11:27Is he on Top Gear?
11:28You mean Top Gun
11:29What's Top Gun?
11:3030
11:31Sing a one minute ballad about one of the other contestants
11:34Jackie Van Beek
11:36You are so sleek
11:47Number 49
11:48Float a marble on the lake for one minute
11:51Four
11:52Sit down and then stand up
11:57It's going in there
11:59Twelve
12:00Touch two things that rhyme
12:02Grass
12:04And
12:05Do I have consent to touch your ass?
12:07Sure
12:09Ass
12:10I ask for consent
12:11You could also just do your own
12:13Stop the clock
12:22Time
12:23Thank you Paul
12:24I'll be in here
12:25Doing my burger
12:26Doing my burger
12:35Pax, do you regret doing the ass touching?
12:37You're straight to the camera operator's ass
12:39That cameraman had badonkadonk
12:44It seemed to me that the tasks were getting more and more difficult
12:49The tasks were ranked in difficulties
12:52Why did you say that?
12:54It was implied
12:56So one being easiest, 50 being the hardest
12:59And these guys liked quite high numbers
13:01Yeah
13:02That would explain why I went to the lake two times
13:05So which Shakespearean character was it that said
13:08Um
13:09You like that
13:10Romeo
13:11Get it down you
13:12You dog
13:15Background
13:16Peasant 10
13:19Obviously
13:20I think we need some stats Paul
13:21So Brie was the fastest so far
13:23With 6 minutes and 9 seconds
13:25Jack
13:2621 minutes and 6 seconds
13:29And Pax
13:3036 minutes and 28 seconds
13:31Whoa
13:32We spent a lot of time on that paper played YouTube video
13:36Right we've got one delivery left Paul
13:39Yes Jeremy let's take a peek at the sleek Van Beek
13:43Okay
13:45That's disrespectful
13:46Not to the burger
13:4727
13:48Perform a one minute Shakespearean monologue about sandwiches
13:52Forsooth
13:53Where if my bread is
13:55Hark there it is in the river near Ophelia
13:57I dive
13:59I dive in and capture her
14:01I'm tumbling down the river
14:03I'm tumbling down
14:04Tumbling down
14:05That's a minute
14:06Good okay
14:07I'm ready
14:08Jackie you're back here
14:09No I'm not
14:10That's what the flag is for
14:11God
14:12Okay
14:15Are you disrespecting the burger?
14:17Certainly not
14:19So these aren't steps?
14:20I feel like I'm touching the steps
14:22Is that a step?
14:23No
14:25Cool
14:26Is that a step?
14:27No Paul
14:28None of these things are steps
14:32Oh God
14:34Delivered
14:40Did Jackie disrespect the burger before?
14:42I don't think so
14:43She was holding it
14:44She didn't crush it at any point
14:46Yeah
14:47Didn't seem to disrespect it
14:48I didn't have any ill will towards it
14:49Have some balls man
14:51Come on
14:52How many steps did she take?
14:54Well she only did one step
14:56It was a Shakespeare monologue
14:57And it was pretty good
14:58Thank you
14:59Yeah
15:00Jackie was four minutes and one second
15:01Wow
15:02To deliver the burger
15:03Okay so where does that leave the points then Paul?
15:05Do we accept Jackie's?
15:06Oh absolutely
15:07Thank you
15:08That means one point for Pax
15:10Two points for Jack
15:11Three points for Alice
15:12Four points for Brie
15:13And five points for Jackie Van Beek
15:15I feel like it's a good time to have a look at the score board for the episode Paul
15:22It's pretty tight apart from Pax who's on two points
15:26In first place with eight points Brie Thomas-L
15:30Now we're back guys
15:32Again
15:33So we are now past the half way point in the series
15:36I think it would be a good time to have a series score update
15:39Leading the pack with 89 points Brie Thomas-L
15:46Amazing
15:47Okay Paul
15:48What's the next task?
15:49In this task the aim of the game is to aim
16:00Paul?
16:01Paul?
16:02Paul?
16:03Paul?
16:04Paul?
16:11Oh f**k
16:12Oh jeez
16:15Oh
16:16You're insane
16:17You poked someone's eye out
16:18You've got glasses on
16:19I said someone's
16:20Oh
16:25What have we got here?
16:26Demonstrate exceptional aim
16:29Best demonstration of aim wins
16:32You may choose which attempt to submit
16:34You have 30 minutes
16:35Your time starts now
16:36So I can choose what to aim for and what to aim with?
16:39Yes
16:40Have I got access to a gun?
16:42No
16:43Do we have a crossbow?
16:44I don't think we have a crossbow
16:46A ball
16:47Okay
16:48Should we go look for balls?
16:49Yeah
16:50Okay
16:51Let's go look for balls
16:52You found yours yet?
16:56I'm interested Ella
16:57So if we did have a gun on sight
16:59Yeah
17:00What was your plan?
17:01Have Paul
17:02Stand under a tree with an apple on top of his head
17:06And I'd just give it my best
17:08One of those
17:10Alright Paul
17:11Which eagle eye contestants are we going to see first?
17:14Two athletes at the top of their game
17:16It's Jackie and Alice
17:18We'll just warm up for a few
17:23Punished
17:24I have set out five cones
17:26One throw from each cone
17:31Watch out
17:32Number one
17:34Oh God
17:39That's gone for four into the river
17:41I will now illustrate my incredible aim
17:47Yes
17:50Oh that's caught
17:51Okay
17:52You come stand here
17:55Yes
17:56So that's two of two
18:00Number three
18:01Are you ready Paul?
18:02Yes
18:03Okay I need you to do one long note for me
18:04Yes
18:05Yes
18:06I think pitch that up a little bit
18:07Yes
18:08I think pitch that up a little bit
18:09Yeah
18:10Are you ready Paul?
18:11Mmhmm
18:12Fantastic
18:13In front of the wicket Paul
18:14Actually let's start without the bat
18:15Do that
18:16Good enough
18:17Let's go again
18:18You can hold the bat this time
18:19Left handed
18:20That was two in a row
18:21For five of five
18:22Five of five
18:25Five of five
18:27I don't think it was five of five
18:28Please don't do that
18:29Blow that
18:42Three in a row
18:43Patrick
18:45I don't think it was five of five
18:47Please don't do that
18:48Three in a row
18:49Patrick
18:51Do you want a bowl?
18:51Maybe one.
18:52Okay.
18:59She really got a hold of that.
19:01It's too short, Paul.
19:02Don't bounce her with the first delivery.
19:04What do you think?
19:05Pitch it up.
19:12Jackie, you seem surprised that Paul questioned your assessment of five out of five,
19:16considering that your main way of getting the duck off his head was to hit him in the face for the ball.
19:21I think it was five out of five, wasn't it?
19:23It was five out of 15.
19:25So in terms of you, Alice, just looking at the way that you came in, you got nice and side on,
19:31I could see the seam was upright.
19:33Not only was the line good, that length was outstanding, very tidy.
19:37And I couldn't disagree with anything you say.
19:40Can I just say sorry, because I'm getting a vibe that you might be a cricket fanatic
19:45and not so much a kind of duck archery fanatic.
19:47Because there's a lot of, like, terminology I don't understand.
19:51All right.
19:51I'd like to see a few more tosses, if that's okay, Paul.
19:54Yes.
19:54Two more tosses.
19:56It's Breein Pax.
19:57Attempt number one.
20:00Success.
20:01We can do better.
20:11So sorry, Paul.
20:13I just have to commit.
20:16Go and end up!
20:18Paul!
20:19Get some!
20:20That's two in a row.
20:22Do you want to see if you can get a third?
20:25Oh, so sorry.
20:27Should I try a golf ball?
20:29Because that's even more impressive because it's small.
20:35I'm really legitimately sorry.
20:38Oh!
20:42Oh!
20:43Can you stop flinching?
20:49It's putting me off.
20:50Sorry.
20:55The pinnacle of TV.
20:59That's it!
21:00Oh!
21:07That was so close.
21:08All right, here we go.
21:09Are you joking?
21:15Did that go in?
21:16Yep.
21:20Yes, Paul!
21:22Straight down the pipe!
21:25Awesome!
21:31Paul, why did you have a hat and glasses on for Jackie's task,
21:36but not with what Pax was doing to you?
21:40Well, Jackie put those on me for protection.
21:42I protected Paul!
21:43Very nice.
21:44Why did he need to be there with that thing in his mouth?
21:47I don't f***ing know, man!
21:49I want to say that the hole of the cone
21:52was only like two to one and a half centimeters bigger than the ball.
21:57You designed the task.
22:00You're such a smart man.
22:02I think we need some stats, Paul.
22:03So Pax threw 124 throws.
22:07Jeez, did he?
22:07A few of which hit me in the head.
22:10Brie, only 38 attempts, four of which went into the bath.
22:14Yeah, good arm, by the way, Brie.
22:16I don't know about the dancing, but the arm was good.
22:19All right, well, we'll make a base camp here
22:21and aim for the summit of this task
22:23on the other side of this ad break.
22:25We'll see you in a tick.
22:26Nau mai anu.
22:41Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:42We're currently finding out which of our contestants
22:44has the best aim,
22:46and so far, half of them seem to be aiming for Paul's face.
22:49Who have we got next, Paul?
22:51He aims to please.
22:52It's Jack Ansett.
22:53Do you have good aim?
22:56No, awful.
22:57The aim isn't just aiming for something, is it?
23:00You know, you could have an aim to, like, inspire youth.
23:03How would you inspire youth?
23:04We could go to the local primary school
23:06and I could do a motivational chat in their classroom.
23:10There is a school.
23:11Yeah, but I'm not sure if we'd be allowed to film in it.
23:14Might be able to get you near it.
23:16Yeah, why not?
23:17Believe you can,
23:33and you're halfway there.
23:35Nothing is impossible.
23:37The word itself says
23:39I'm possible.
23:40What does that mean, though?
23:43It means that
23:44don't say things are impossible
23:45because the word impossible
23:47has I'm possible in it.
23:48But that doesn't make sense.
23:49I am possible.
23:51Live, laugh, love.
23:53That's why my mum goes by.
23:54It's good to be good
23:55and awful to be awful.
23:58Okay, well, I think I've inspired the youth of tomorrow.
24:01Well, let's get out of here
24:02before the police show up.
24:03Okay, so you read some motivational quotes to a fence.
24:10Yeah.
24:12We did not film them,
24:12but there were children looking
24:14through the classroom window
24:16going, there he is, there he is!
24:18Yeah.
24:19And I think they heard me.
24:21As someone who was there...
24:23No, no.
24:25I don't think they could hear him,
24:26but they did see him.
24:28One point for Jack,
24:29talking to a fence.
24:31The crowd is turning on you.
24:33Two points for Jackie
24:37for chucking stuff at your face.
24:40Three points for Pax
24:41for chucking stuff at your face.
24:44Four points for Brie
24:45because that's a good arm
24:46and you've got to say
24:47Alice Snedd and Tidyline and Link.
24:51Have you got another task for us, Paul?
24:53I do, Jeremy.
24:54And this task is novel
24:55if you get my gist.
25:03Hi, Paul.
25:07Hello, Jackie.
25:08Hi, Paul.
25:09Hello, Pax.
25:12Give it a hoon, eh, Paul?
25:14Get the gist of this book
25:16and then adapt it for the screen.
25:18You have two minutes to get the gist.
25:21One hour to film your adaptation.
25:23Most Faithful Adaptation wins.
25:25Your time starts now.
25:27The Scarlet Pimpernel.
25:29What's a pimpernel?
25:30Like a pimple.
25:31Paris.
25:321792.
25:33Fisherman.
25:34Fisherman?
25:35Secret orchard.
25:37That's a good keyword here.
25:38Vengeance?
25:39How does it end?
25:40So it ends in a wedding.
25:41Might be a wedding on a yacht, Paul.
25:43At Lord Grenville's Ball.
25:45What did you learn?
25:53It's some kind of French Revolution thing.
25:57And her first name's Scarlet.
25:58Okay.
25:59And her last name's...
26:02What's the book called?
26:03Can't say.
26:04Pimpernel.
26:05I don't know what a pimpernel is,
26:07but I took from that pimple.
26:09Have you seen the film?
26:10I saw it when I was a teenager
26:12and it was a sleepover.
26:15I was really trying to impress this girl
26:17that I quite liked.
26:18She was a nine-year-old Maori girl.
26:21Sporty.
26:22Okay.
26:23Maybe she's sunburned or something?
26:25And that's why...
26:25She's Scarlet?
26:26Yeah, okay.
26:27Is it possible to go black and white
26:29except for her face?
26:30Yes.
26:31Well, Schindler's listed.
26:36Okay, Paul.
26:37So none of us have read
26:39The Scarlet Pimpernel.
26:40The Scarlet Pimpernel?
26:41Is that what it's called?
26:42Yes.
26:43Okay, that's a bad start.
26:45So just a little bit of background.
26:48The Scarlet Pimpernel is a man
26:49who leads a double life.
26:51One as a useless English nobleman
26:53and the other as a hero
26:55who rescues French aristocrats
26:57from the guillotine
26:58during the reign of terror.
27:00This is gonna be real interesting.
27:02Okay, Paul.
27:03Who are we gonna see first?
27:04Up first, it's Jacques Ansett.
27:07Oh, look.
27:08Ah, I see another day
27:11in my secret orchard.
27:13Ah, what a...
27:14What a...
27:14Sacred...
27:17Is that...
27:19My beloved...
27:23And that is the fisherman.
27:26She will regret this
27:27for the rest of her days.
27:29I, Lord Grenville,
27:34invite you
27:35to the Farisian Ball.
27:38Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
27:42That's a...
27:42Pretty crazy day we had in the orchard the other day.
27:47We?
27:48Yeah, we, yeah.
27:49You and me, yeah.
27:50I see.
27:51Yeah.
27:51Oh, my esteemed guests.
27:55Welcome.
27:57There's nothing fishy going on here.
27:59Nothing fishy at all going on here.
28:02I saw you
28:03in the secret orchard.
28:05What?
28:05With him.
28:07I'm going to react badly now.
28:09No.
28:11Ah.
28:13Mmm.
28:13Oh.
28:23Vengeance so sweet.
28:24Oh.
28:25Why you do that?
28:27Are you all right?
28:29Oh.
28:30That's my ick.
28:32Red noses.
28:33Ha, ha, ha, ha.
28:34See ya.
28:35He's never going to want you ever again, the fisherman.
28:38I forever now brand you with the name
28:40the Scarlet Pimple now.
28:44Okay.
28:46Au revoir.
28:57Credit, where credit's due.
28:59Strong performance from the main French character,
29:01played by you.
29:02Yeah, I'm not going to say even I know what was going on.
29:06I think it was pretty bloody good.
29:08In fairness to you, I'm almost too afraid to criticise it
29:11because I can't remember what I did.
29:13Who's up next, Paul?
29:15Here's a silent movie from Alice Sneddon.
29:17No, I don't know.
29:18Look, I'm not too afraid to do that.
29:19I don't know.
29:22Oh.
29:23Oh.
29:23Oh.
29:23Oh.
29:24Oh.
29:24Oh.
29:24Oh.
29:24Oh.
29:25Oh.
29:26Oh.
29:26Oh.
29:27Oh.
29:28Oh.
29:28Oh.
29:28Oh.
29:29Oh.
30:00So I've written down there's a sunburnt woman who everyone laughs at.
30:29She finds a man to hook up with, she doesn't give him a book, so he calls her a sluzzer.
30:34He apologises and she promises to obey him for the rest of her life.
30:38No, I think obviously there's more nuance to it than that.
30:41We have loyalty through the betrayal, that theme is represented.
30:45We have romance, you know, love, the road to love is rough.
30:50So what did that have to do with the French Revolution?
30:54Oh, it's all just set during it.
30:58We're going to pause right there so that you at home could envision what your life will be like
31:02with a brand new car or some heavily discounted furniture.
31:05Hopefully these ads will help you with that and we'll see you on the other side.
31:09Welcome back to Taskmaster, the only show brave enough to ask the question, what is a Pimpernel?
31:28Remind us, what task are we in the middle of, Paul?
31:31Our contestants have been given two minutes to get the gist of a novel, The Scarlet Pimpernel,
31:36and then adapt it for the screen.
31:38Now let's get back to Paris with Parisis, with Pa, with Parasat, Paxasati.
31:47I don't want to torture you, you know that, right?
31:50Then don't torture me.
31:51I have to, because I'm British.
31:54I will never join the British.
31:56Also, why is your daughter here?
31:58It's weird for her to be here while I'm torturing you.
32:01She goes everywhere with me.
32:03Papa.
32:05All right.
32:06What's that over there?
32:07What, what is it?
32:11Oh, blimey.
32:14Papa, we got away.
32:15Yes, we did.
32:16What do we do now?
32:18What we were born to do.
32:20Be French.
32:31It's so fun being French.
32:44I call ya.
32:45There's only one thing left for us to do.
32:48Baguette fight.
32:49All right, you're on.
32:51Baguette fight it is.
32:52Honga!
32:56Stop.
32:57Hold on.
32:57Stop this.
32:59What?
32:59I have to tell you something.
33:01What is it?
33:02I'm in love with your daughter.
33:04Oh my God, you are in love with my daughter.
33:07That's right.
33:08Let's go.
33:10Should we take your father?
33:12No.
33:13All right.
33:14He seems weird anyway.
33:15He's a strange man.
33:22Some of the most French things that you could think of doing was to look at the Eiffel Tower,
33:26to smoke cigarettes, and then to eat pasta, Italian food.
33:30A journey through Europe.
33:32Aren't the dogs that kiss French?
33:35No.
33:37I've never had an audience yell, no.
33:41Aren't they your daughter that you're lady in the tramping with?
33:44Yeah, they're French.
33:46They love incest.
33:49Who's up next, Paul?
33:50Representing the French region of Brie, it's Brie.
33:54Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two people in holy matrimony.
34:02All right.
34:03I guess we'll do this soon.
34:05Someone sent a poop-a-nickel on the deck.
34:09He's finally got a reddish tinge to it, like they've been drinking a lot of beetroot juice.
34:14And I know Lady Blackney's been on a five-day cleanse.
34:18What?
34:19That's crazy.
34:20Lady Blackney, how dare you? Is this true?
34:24Fine.
34:26It was I.
34:27I decided to ruin this wedding by defecating on the deck.
34:32I told you why we can't get married.
34:35We're related.
34:36It'd be weird and shit.
34:38I knew you'd say that.
34:39And so I've been researching our family tree.
34:42It turns out we are all cousins.
34:45What?
34:45Everybody on this boat.
34:49I guess if you guys are cool with that, I'm happy to have a family reunion.
34:53You know what I mean?
34:54Not really.
34:55Like, we just make it a cousin three-way.
34:58Colour me interested.
35:00I'm keen.
35:00You keen for that?
35:01Yeah.
35:02I mean, if you...
35:03All right.
35:04Come on, you big bitch.
35:04Let's go.
35:05Just three?
35:05Okay.
35:06Come on, Lady Blackney.
35:09The Scarlet Company.
35:12Okay, Bri, so according to you, the Scarlet Pimpernel was set on a boat in Bermuda in the early 1900s.
35:24Like Alice was saying, there was loyalty.
35:27Please don't drag me into this.
35:30Romance?
35:31There was definitely romance.
35:32Well, the romance was a cousin on cousin orgy.
35:35Yeah.
35:35And there would be people watching right now that are sitting next to their cousin saying, wow.
35:43What they'd be saying, according to you, is, come on, you big bitch.
35:46Let's go.
35:52Okay.
35:52Who's our last Pimpernel?
35:54She's our only contestant who has some existing knowledge of the Scarlet Pimpernel.
35:59It's Jackie Van Beek.
36:00My favorite place in the world.
36:02Video easy Johnsonville, Randy.
36:05I love it as well.
36:06What about this one?
36:08Oh, it's called the Scarlet Pimpernel.
36:10It's about the French people and then, oh, there's a marriage.
36:14Oh, I love romances.
36:16Do you like romances, Randy?
36:18I love romance.
36:19Oh, this sounds amazing.
36:21Oh, my gosh, can you feel it?
36:23It's shaking.
36:24Oh, don't lose your grip.
36:26I can't hold on, Jackie.
36:27But you're sporty.
36:29Oh, oh, oh, oh.
36:35Oh, my gosh.
36:38Oh, we seem to be in another time and place.
36:40Oh, it's freezing.
36:41This doesn't really make sense, though, because, I mean, I thought we were meant to be in France.
36:46Oh, go.
36:47Oh.
36:48I think I've got to go.
36:48Wait, the book.
36:50Yes.
36:50What, the DVD, the VHS.
36:52The VHS.
36:55Go.
36:55Get it.
36:56Oh, my God, it's going.
36:57It's going.
37:01Randy.
37:04Randy.
37:06Wait a minute.
37:07You're not Randy.
37:08Bonjour, mademoiselle.
37:09I am the Scarlet Pimpernel.
37:11But I'm looking for Randy, my friend from Johnsonville from 1984.
37:14I do not know what you're talking about.
37:16All I know is we have to go to the ball now.
37:18Why would I go to the ball with you, though, Scarlet Pimpernel?
37:21Because I love you.
37:22Oh, my God.
37:23And I want to marry you.
37:24Oh, no, but my heart's with Randy.
37:26I do not care about this.
37:27All I care about is you.
37:29My heart's with Randy.
37:30I've just got to find a way to get back to Johnsonville.
37:32So, see you later, buster.
37:34Au revoir.
37:35Au revoir.
37:35No, how will I get back to Johnsonville?
37:47What an ending.
37:48That's where it ends?
37:50What an ending.
37:51Okay, I've got a couple of questions.
37:53Where did you go in the...
37:54Where was the intermediate place with the beer?
37:57Yeah, Arctic.
37:58It was the Arctic, yeah.
37:58Why were you in the Arctic?
37:59Because portals are crazy.
38:02I absolutely loved it.
38:04I was riveted, but it is unbelievable that you're the only one of us with pre-existing knowledge.
38:10Okay, none of them had anything to do with the Scarlet Pimpernel.
38:13I kind of have to vote on things that were the closest to the Scarlet Pimpernel, I think.
38:17Right.
38:17In that context, I think, Bree, the fact that you set yours in Bermuda in the 1900s probably
38:23means that you get one point.
38:24Alice, there was no mention of the Pimpernel at all, so you get two points.
38:28That is an oversight.
38:29Three points to Jack, because there was some French stuff in there.
38:35This might seem crazy, but I'm going to give four points to Jackie.
38:39What?
38:39It had the Scarlet Pimpernel in it.
38:42How many times in that book does a portal pop up?
38:44I know.
38:46And finally, I'll give five points to Pax, because there was a lot of French stuff going on,
38:50and there was some escaping going on.
38:55Time for an air break.
38:56It will take a few minutes, so it should be enough time for you at home to speed read
39:00War and Peace.
39:01I think that's a good idea.
39:02We'll see you in a moment.
39:03Welcome back to Taskmaster.
39:18Can I get a scoreboard update, please, Paul?
39:20Currently a three-way tie, all on 13 points.
39:23Jackie, Bree and Alice.
39:26Wow.
39:27We've picked up.
39:28I've got to say, Paul, what a great group of contestants we've got this season.
39:33And do you know, they're all great listeners.
39:36Very true, Jeremy.
39:37I have a fun story, actually.
39:39Very fun story.
39:40You piece of shit.
39:43I know what?
39:44What do you know that I don't know?
39:45I don't know.
39:45What have you just done?
39:45What have you just done?
39:46Let him finish.
39:48During their tasks at the house, there was a small technical difficulty.
39:53And during that technical difficulty, I told them each an identical story that they all
39:59listened to and loved.
40:00Oh, no.
40:01Could you please put on the air muffs that are under your seats?
40:04Oh, no.
40:05This is like torture.
40:06Oh.
40:07Enjoy my story.
40:09Two Fridays ago, I went to Whangarei.
40:13Oh.
40:14And I went to the supermarket.
40:16Yeah.
40:17Then this elderly woman approached me.
40:19Okay.
40:20Well, she wasn't elderly.
40:21She was...
40:22My age.
40:22She was a 63.
40:24Okay.
40:25A little bit older than me.
40:27And she had this wild pink and purple dress on.
40:30And she asked if I could reach the top shelf.
40:34God, that made you feel good.
40:35And get the boysenberry jam.
40:36Uh-huh.
40:37But then when I got it down, she asked how much it was.
40:40And it was $5.90.
40:42And she only had $3.
40:44I didn't know what to do.
40:45Yeah.
40:46I was like, would the strawberry jam suffice?
40:49Yeah.
40:50So the strawberry jam is only $3.
40:52Right.
40:52Which is how much money she had.
40:54But she didn't like strawberry jam.
40:56So she just left.
40:59Are we ready?
41:04Yes.
41:04I would like a pen and paper.
41:06How come?
41:07Because I want to write down your stupid little story.
41:10I didn't tell a stupid little story.
41:11You did.
41:12About a 63-year-old woman in a bread aisle.
41:15I told an interesting story.
41:16She wanted some jam that cost $5.90, but she only had $3.
41:21So then you got her the strawberry jam, and you were in Whangarei.
41:24You were in Whangarei two weeks ago, where you met an elderly woman who was 63 years old.
41:30And she wanted some jam, but she only had $3.
41:35Okay.
41:36Wasn't that lovely?
41:37You guys can all take your earmuffs off now.
41:39Ow.
41:40And head up to the stage for the final task.
41:43Oh my God.
41:47Okay, Paul.
41:48Who's reading the task tonight?
41:49Pax Asadi.
41:51Recount Paul's story.
41:52Most accurate recounting wins.
41:55You have 30 seconds to recount.
41:57Headphones on and sit down, please.
41:59Oh my God.
42:01Jack.
42:03For Christmas, I would like...
42:07Sit on the chair.
42:08Yeah, I regret that too.
42:11Paul said to me, in the strictest of confidence...
42:17He said...
42:24He was in London with his flatmates.
42:29In my mother's negligee.
42:31And one of them came into his bedroom late at night.
42:34They didn't have a family dog, so they made him the family dog.
42:39And then they tried to milk him.
42:42They were halfway through, and then he was like...
42:44My mother died...
42:46In a horrible parachute crash...
42:51In Nicaragua.
42:55But then it all worked out fine, and he's really happily married now.
42:58And that is pretty much the story.
43:08Alice.
43:10I believe the story is about how Paul went to Whangarei for two weeks.
43:14He went to a supermarket.
43:15It might have been a New World.
43:17And there was a lady there, and she was wearing a top.
43:20It might have been purple.
43:21And I think something was cheaper at the supermarket in Whangarei than it was at the supermarket in Auckland.
43:27And I can't remember how much.
43:28I'm going to say $2.15.
43:30And then Paul had a great time.
43:33Did I do it?
43:41Ha ha!
43:42Ha ha!
43:42Ha ha!
43:43Ha ha!
43:44Ha ha!
43:45Killing me that I can't hear!
43:47This is the greatest moment of my life!
43:49Ha ha ha!
43:50Ha ha!
43:51All right, everyone can take their headphones off, and we'll head down and score it.
43:56So what do you reckon about that, Paul?
44:00I mean, one of them was pretty good.
44:02Ha ha!
44:03Ha ha!
44:04Aww!
44:05I would say one point to everybody other than Alice, who I think probably deserves five points.
44:10Okay.
44:11Wow.
44:12I'll take it.
44:13Well done.
44:16So in terms of the episode scores, Paul, where are we sitting?
44:19The winner of episode six, with 18 points, Alice Sneddon.
44:24Woo!
44:27Congrats.
44:28Congratulations, Alice.
44:29Please head up to the stage and claim your snappable things.
44:33Woo!
44:36See you next time.
44:37Ma te wa.
44:41That's my pleasure!
44:43Woo!
44:45Woo!
44:46Woo!
44:47Yeah!
44:55This is one of the great redemption stories of Taskmaster.
44:57No, no, no, no!
45:00I'm feeling deflated.
45:01At least I look cool in all these tasks.
45:04Oh, please.
45:05I'm a fantastic sports person.
45:08Razzle, dazzle, baby.
45:12Yes!
45:13Yes!
45:14Finished.
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45:27
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