- 6 weeks ago
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Marty and Steve, American tourists in France, are given a multipurpose umbrella and pitted against an international band of art thieves. Among the stolen treasures is the Statue Of Liberty.
https://dailymotion.com/classicfilms
Marty and Steve, American tourists in France, are given a multipurpose umbrella and pitted against an international band of art thieves. Among the stolen treasures is the Statue Of Liberty.
https://dailymotion.com/classicfilms
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00We'll see you next time.
00:00:30Oh, my God.
00:01:00Aaaaah!
00:04:29Good job. We're broke.
00:04:31Our friend Papa Leo said you might have some work for us.
00:04:34Anything at all, sir.
00:04:36Oh, thank you.
00:04:38Hope we didn't cause you too much trouble.
00:04:40Let's go.
00:04:55He's never caught one spy on tow.
00:05:02He's never even caught a cold
00:05:08Got his degree from Disneyland
00:05:13But he's the last of the secret agents and he's my man
00:05:32He's an underwhelming kind of sleuth
00:05:38He thinks James Bond's some kind of suit
00:05:44He's father back then and also ran
00:05:50But he's the last of the secret agents and he's my man
00:06:02He's coming third in a two-horse race
00:06:14I've never had to slap his face
00:06:20What a shame
00:06:22But people try to understand
00:06:26He's the last of the secret agents and he's my man
00:06:32Yeah
00:06:56I've got to take the piano off the trail
00:07:15It's always me
00:07:16Always the little fat guy that's got to do the dirty work
00:07:19And the skinny guy
00:07:20He gets the girl in the end
00:07:26Okay, Van Cliver, the concert's over
00:07:46Move it to the left
00:07:48To the right
00:07:54Pick the rope
00:08:04Don't spread the man's canto
00:08:06Careful, Florence
00:08:07Branch, you had to come to
00:08:10You and your second honeymoon
00:08:12The first one wasn't so hot
00:08:14Look, a native busy at work
00:08:16Snap it, Harry
00:08:17Sir
00:08:19Love picture?
00:08:24Merci
00:08:25Okay, Marty
00:08:28It's all set
00:08:28Grab it
00:08:30Up we go
00:08:31Come on
00:08:32Come on, Marty
00:08:32Pull
00:08:33Pull
00:08:33Pull
00:08:34What's wrong with you?
00:08:35Let's grab it
00:08:36Ladies and gentlemen
00:08:37We would like to stop this motion picture at this moment
00:08:40Please notice the man standing in the doorway
00:08:43He will play a very important part in this picture
00:08:47Notice this 1937 touring Auburn
00:08:51It, too, will play an important part in this picture
00:08:54Now, this young lady may not be important to the picture
00:08:59However, she is a very close friend of the producer
00:09:02Come on, Marty
00:09:07Pull
00:09:08Pull
00:09:09You pull a little more
00:09:11Pull harder
00:09:12I got it
00:09:13That's all right
00:09:14A little harder
00:09:14Oh, what a pretty flower card
00:09:18Snap it, Harry
00:09:19Eat your heart out, Harry
00:09:24Marty?
00:09:25Pull harder
00:09:26That's enough
00:09:28Hello there
00:09:31Hey!
00:09:31You brought my piano, Luzon!
00:09:40You brought my piano, Luzon!
00:09:50You brought my piano, Luzon!
00:09:53Well, Steve, we blew another job.
00:09:58Don't worry, Marty. We'll go get another one.
00:10:00Watch it.
00:10:01But it's always something.
00:10:03Today we lost the piano.
00:10:05Last week we smashed up a truck.
00:10:07It's a mystery why anyone ever hire us.
00:10:10Pittsburgh's starting to look good again.
00:10:12All right, Marty, all right.
00:10:14So we're having a run of bad luck.
00:10:15So what? It's just temporary.
00:10:16Look, things are going to get much better.
00:10:18Besides, isn't this better than blowing sacks in a band
00:10:20until 4 o'clock in the morning?
00:10:22Come on, Marty.
00:10:23Now snap out of it.
00:10:25Look, we're going to make it yet.
00:10:26We could be as successful as those two guys right over there.
00:10:34And look, see that car over there?
00:10:36One of these days we'll have one of those.
00:10:38Yeah.
00:10:40And look at that nice looking guy over there with the machine gun.
00:10:45Machine gun?
00:10:48Hey, what are you doing? What's this all about?
00:10:50Hey, what's the one about here?
00:10:51Hey, stop it! Stop it!
00:10:56Dr. Strindberg, call your exchange.
00:10:58Dr. Strindberg, call your exchange.
00:11:01We'll pay our rent.
00:11:03Help!
00:11:04What are you doing?
00:11:05Put me down!
00:11:06Help!
00:11:07Help me!
00:11:20Hit him!
00:11:35Help me!
00:11:35Ladies and gentlemen, you're probably wondering why I've asked you here.
00:11:42Allow me to introduce myself.
00:11:44I'm Jay Frederick Bell, in charge of the European Theater of Operations for the GGI.
00:11:51Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Remove the blindfolds and the gags.
00:12:01Hey, what is this? What's my line?
00:12:04You can't do this to us. We're Americans.
00:12:06Not only that, we're from Pittsburgh.
00:12:08Let's get him, Steve. Come on.
00:12:10Hit! Take that!
00:12:11And that!
00:12:12Hit!
00:12:13Hit!
00:12:14What?
00:12:15What?
00:12:16Hit!
00:12:18Hit!
00:12:19Hit!
00:12:20Hit me, little dog!
00:12:25What are you, chicken?
00:12:27You...
00:12:28No.
00:12:30What?
00:12:30Gentlemen, won't you please be seated?
00:12:39Ow!
00:12:40Ow!
00:12:41I hope you learned your lesson.
00:12:43Allow me to explain who we are.
00:12:46We represent a worldwide police force dedicated to recovering stolen works of art.
00:12:52You might call us the United Nations of the art world.
00:12:55Waiting to meet you are the top echelon members representing every country where the GGI operates.
00:13:03May I introduce Henri Messier from France?
00:13:05Hans Friedhofer from Germany.
00:13:12Saji Aruba Treyat from India.
00:13:16Boris Torshinsky from Russia.
00:13:17Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:18Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:19Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:20Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:21Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:22Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:23Hello, my name is Mr. Kriya.
00:13:24And Naga Naga Naurumru from Liberia.
00:13:26How do you?
00:13:27How do you?
00:13:28Now, we have reason to believe that many of the world's masterpieces have been stolen by an organization
00:13:35of arch criminals called them.
00:13:37To gain their nefarious ends, them will not stop at torture, murder, and every conceivable crime.
00:13:44This is where you come in.
00:13:47For the past six months, you've been under close surveillance by our operatives.
00:13:51And we have evidence that you've been unwittingly used by them.
00:13:58May we have the film, please?
00:13:59Lights.
00:14:04Hey, there's the piano we busted up.
00:14:06We could have told you that.
00:14:08Observe the Frenchman right here.
00:14:14Now, watch him closely, and see what he does with that piano leg.
00:14:30That's a rare Renaissance dagger, designed and executed by Cellini, stolen from the Uffizi gallery in Florence, Italy.
00:14:37May we show you another film?
00:14:43Could I have some popcorn?
00:14:44Well, they always give you popcorn.
00:14:46You just don't seem mobile.
00:14:47Mr. Carrava.
00:14:53This film was taken three months ago in the Sukiyaki restaurant here in Cannes, where you were entertaining.
00:15:00Roll the film, please.
00:15:02Hey, that's us.
00:15:32This was a second-century jade Buddha, stolen from the Imperial Japanese Museum.
00:15:46Lights, please.
00:15:48So, you see, gentlemen, we know all about you.
00:15:51We sure do.
00:15:52Thank you very much for warning us. We certainly appreciate it.
00:15:54Don't we, Marty?
00:15:55We certainly do. Bye!
00:15:57Gentlemen, I wish it were that easy.
00:16:01Now, let me show you what happened to other men who tried to escape the VEM organization when they discovered they were being used as couriers.
00:16:10Roll it, please.
00:16:12Now, let me show you what happened to.
00:16:13All right, let me show you what happened to you.
00:16:14Go first.
00:16:15All right, let me show you why she took the VEM organizations.
00:16:17them sure know how to hurt a guy
00:16:43only one man major frank milford ever escaped
00:16:48so gentlemen if you'll pardon a tired cliche your lives aren't worth a plugged nickel
00:16:59i strongly urge you to join forces with us in turn we offer you survival though i warn you
00:17:05your duties will be very dangerous the decision is yours
00:17:10we'll do it good
00:17:28now the organization of them is headed by a mind as brilliant as it is diabolical
00:17:36may i have the pictures please
00:17:39zoltan schubach age 55 origin unknown six foot one brown eyes ruddy complexion
00:17:47and rather a high forehead
00:17:49he looks bald to me
00:17:51well he's bald
00:17:53oh and the young lady with him that's his constant companion baby may zofty
00:17:57his former housekeeper
00:17:59schubach is one of the six billionaires in the world shipping banks oil gold
00:18:06an owner of one of the world's greatest art collections
00:18:09what he can buy he takes
00:18:11the works of art he's acquired through purchase
00:18:14hang in his palatial chateau here on the riviera
00:18:18the masterpieces is stolen
00:18:20well that's the mystery
00:18:21we don't know where he keeps them
00:18:23your job will be to help lead us to millions of dollars worth of stolen art
00:18:28once we locate this priceless cash we move in and arrest him
00:18:32lights please
00:18:34i'm delighted you're going to be with us
00:18:35thank you
00:18:44you'll find our enemy devilishly clever
00:18:47but i believe with our help you'll be able to combat any situation that may arise
00:18:50after you gentlemen
00:18:54no i terribly sorry
00:19:09this way gentlemen please take care of that
00:19:12now needless to say all facilities of the ggi will be at your disposal
00:19:17now watch out for these steps
00:19:21now the weapon you're about to be issued
00:19:23has been developed by our brilliant demolition expert
00:19:25professor verner von koenig
00:19:28professor von koenig has spent many sleepless nights
00:19:31perfecting this this deadly incident
00:19:35professor
00:19:43professor
00:19:47professor
00:19:47professor von koenig
00:19:48i was only following orders
00:19:51good evening
00:19:53have you finished work professor
00:19:55yes i have
00:19:56will you please show m637 to these gentlemen
00:19:59m637
00:20:01it's all right they're with us
00:20:03of course
00:20:04of course with pleasure this way gentlemen
00:20:13gentlemen
00:20:14this weapon is one of the most devastating pieces of equipment ever devised by man
00:20:19here it is
00:20:21that's it
00:20:22that's the deadly weapon
00:20:23that's just an ordinary umbrella
00:20:26don't touch the umbrella
00:20:29so you think it's just an umbrella
00:20:31an interesting observation
00:20:33just the way we planned it
00:20:34well what's this
00:20:35yes
00:20:36oh that is something i made up for my grandchild
00:20:39it shoots toasted marshmallows
00:20:42allow me professor
00:20:45now this so-called umbrella is more than just protection from the rain
00:20:50it's an electronic miracle a veritable arsenal of equipment
00:20:54to start with
00:20:55the handle is a two-way radio
00:20:58professor will you
00:20:59by turning this calibrated ring pulling out the antenna and opening the mic
00:21:07come on in master control over
00:21:11i read you loud and clear over
00:21:13thank you morris lunch tomorrow
00:21:16love to
00:21:18right
00:21:20now this umbrella is also a fountain pen
00:21:29the
00:21:35notice the writing disappeared when i wrote
00:21:38how did you do that
00:21:40right here is a compartment where we put a quart of lemon juice
00:21:45boy that's tart
00:21:47now for its offensive mechanism
00:21:50when held like a rifle and dialed thusly the ribs become steel daggers let me demonstrate
00:21:59hey that's marvelous
00:22:05don't touch the umbrella
00:22:09next as an escape weapon it will be invaluable to you
00:22:13you turn it the other way the black silk inflates with helium gas
00:22:17and the umbrella becomes an escape balloon and now gentlemen the coup de grace
00:22:21if stolen and opened in its normal way the umbrella becomes an iron maiden
00:22:27the ribs spring out wrap themselves around the thief
00:22:31and the handle pops up and becomes a gag in the mouth
00:22:34please don't touch the umbrella
00:22:38boy what a toy do we get one of these over there
00:22:50what's the first thing we do sir well just go on as you have been keep working for them
00:22:53papa leo he's been getting us all those jobs is he working for them no no he's being used
00:22:59just as you are now remember you're not only working for them but also for us the ggi
00:23:05the ggi
00:23:11you'll always be locked to our wavelength so keep in constant touch with us by radio can do sir
00:23:16i'm a spy i'm a spy it's not him it's not you but it's i kindly quiet you want everybody
00:23:34to know our business now shut up steve you're beautiful when you're angry oh come on now are you
00:23:42going to tell micheline about what we're doing no it's top secret and i don't want anybody to know oh
00:23:51i got it
00:24:01hey
00:24:12welcome to papa leo's place
00:24:23welcome to papa leo's welcome to papa leo's
00:24:26bonsoir bonsoir bonsoir bonsoir ah bonsoir madame et messieurs bienvenue welcome to our little
00:24:34restaurant who's a très charmant madame vous êtes très jolie
00:24:39bonsoir monsieur snap it harry bonsoir bonsoir bonsoir monsieur
00:24:51m
00:25:02m
00:25:04Ask you then, we need some more P&T for the Italian customers, we?
00:25:09Oh, and wherever you see an American sitting, put a nice big bowl of potato chips.
00:25:17Micheline, what are you bothering yourself with the store?
00:25:20Pourquoi? Why?
00:25:21Papa?
00:25:22It's a beautiful night. Why don't you go for a nice walk and find yourself a fellow and get married?
00:25:26Papa, please, stop bugging me.
00:25:28This is too much to ask for an aging man like me with a failing business to want his daughter to get married so that when he's sick in bed, his grandchild will bring him a hot bowl of onion soup.
00:25:39Papa, please, I'll take care of my own life, n'est-ce pas?
00:25:43And you have your grandchildren, and every Sunday, Steve will bring them to see you.
00:25:47Steve, you say the secret word. My heart just fell off. Must it be him, a fellow who can't hold a job for 24 hours?
00:25:56Papa, I need him, and he'll be very useful in getting your grandchildren, eh? And I do love him. So, will you know more about it?
00:26:07Believe me, from these lips you will never hear the word Steve.
00:26:12Mon Dieu, I've suffered again. I'm dying. I'm dying.
00:26:17You'll be all right.
00:26:22Rasputin!
00:26:24Hello there, Rasputin.
00:26:25Oh, it's you.
00:26:26Out, out, out of our restaurant. Muchos.
00:26:29Can't you see we're close?
00:26:30Papa Leo, believe me, we'll pay our ten.
00:26:32How?
00:26:32There's no money in smashing pianos.
00:26:34You heard?
00:26:34I heard.
00:26:35And that's the last time I heard we get work and smell.
00:26:37Papa, he's writing a sign.
00:26:39Rasputin!
00:26:40Mon Dieu!
00:26:41White dice!
00:26:41ет bread for us.
00:26:43White dice!
00:27:00We can't see you!
00:27:01We can't see you!
00:27:03ORGAN PLAYS
00:27:33Hey, what are you doing, honey?
00:27:38Oh, if you don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:28:03You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:28:33You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:29:03You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:29:33You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:30:03You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:30:05You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:30:07You don't know, baby, you're in trouble.
00:30:09But the price is right.
00:30:11All you have to do is never look at another woman as long as you live.
00:30:14Honey, you just blew a sail.
00:30:15Marty, talk to him.
00:30:25What about?
00:30:26Tell him about marriage and happiness.
00:30:29Make up your mind, which one?
00:30:33Steve, marry me and let me take you away from all this.
00:30:37Make it soon, honey.
00:30:39Can't you see how I'm suffering?
00:30:45Marty, what's wrong with me?
00:30:48I can't seem to get through to Steve.
00:30:50You're a darling girl, Micheline.
00:30:52You tell that to Steve.
00:30:54I will, I will.
00:30:56Marty, I'm just crazy about him.
00:30:59He's the most beautiful man in the world.
00:31:02I'll take care of it.
00:31:04Don't worry.
00:31:04Don't worry.
00:31:05Steve, that Micheline is a darling girl.
00:31:34You ought to be nicer to her.
00:31:35Oh, come on, Marty.
00:31:36She's crazy for you.
00:31:38You know what she thinks about you?
00:31:44You're the most beautiful man in the world.
00:31:48Very kind of you to say so, sir.
00:31:52Why, by the two can live as cheap as one?
00:31:55I'm not ready to settle down yet.
00:31:57Don't knock it till you try it.
00:32:00Mary, let's get out of here before this place is raided.
00:32:04She's a darling girl, Steve.
00:32:06Marty, how can I afford a wife?
00:32:08I can't even take care of you and me.
00:32:10Two of my favorite toasters.
00:32:28And how is the fettuccine in?
00:32:31To your satisfaction, I hope.
00:32:33And if you come tomorrow...
00:32:36Bring sandwiches out, out, out of my life, out of my doctor's life, out of...
00:32:43You, mon petit choux.
00:32:49By the way, where were you earlier this evening?
00:32:51I was looking all over for you.
00:32:53I'd like to tell you, but I can't.
00:32:55I can.
00:32:55We were already...
00:32:56Marty!
00:32:57Ah, you're hiding something from me, huh?
00:33:01Now, what does a man hide from a woman?
00:33:06Another woman!
00:33:07I should have known.
00:33:08You found another woman, huh?
00:33:10And do you know something?
00:33:11I don't blame you.
00:33:13You don't?
00:33:14No.
00:33:14I've been much too pushy.
00:33:16The nerve of me.
00:33:17The nerve of you?
00:33:19Throwing myself at you, cuddling up to you, kissing you every time I see you.
00:33:23That's a terrible thing to do to a fella.
00:33:26Have you had dessert?
00:33:27No.
00:33:28From this moment on, pretend I don't exist.
00:33:31I'll just be a quiet, docile little flower.
00:33:35And if you want me, you know it's a fun, yeah?
00:33:38Chocolate sute.
00:33:39I made it myself.
00:33:41Nice.
00:33:42Just forget that I'm here, and I'll remain quietly in the background.
00:33:46N'est-ce pas?
00:33:48Marty?
00:33:50Sherry?
00:33:52Ah, it's green.
00:33:53That's what it means.
00:33:54Look, honey, you're a great gal, and you make a wild souffle, but if you don't mind,
00:33:59I think I'll pass.
00:34:03Mr. Lee, I have one more job for you.
00:34:06Ah!
00:34:24I have one more job for you.
00:34:37I have one more job for you.
00:34:37I have one more job for you.
00:34:43Oh, my God.
00:34:45Oh, Countess, how good to see you.
00:35:09Monsieur Ambassador, as always, huh?
00:35:12Ah, Madame de Mourier, how is your mother?
00:35:20Well, that's nice.
00:35:22Your Highness.
00:35:23You are special.
00:35:42You are so special.
00:35:44So special to me.
00:35:48You are just what I've needed and hoped for, honestly and desperately.
00:35:55You are perfect, so perfect by far.
00:36:05Don't you know that I love you just the way you are?
00:36:14Oh, you are so special.
00:36:21You are so special.
00:36:23So special to me.
00:36:27You are just what I've needed and hoped for, honestly and desperately.
00:36:34You are so perfect, perfect by far.
00:36:44Don't you know that I love you just the way you are?
00:36:53Don't you know that I love you just the way you are?
00:37:06Don't you know that I love you just the way you are?
00:37:36Not like that, nonchalant.
00:37:39Oh.
00:37:40That might be a constitutionalault.
00:37:41Oh, my God.
00:37:42Oh, my God.
00:37:42Don't you know that I'll rid you of?
00:37:43Don't you know.
00:37:45Don't you know that I love you just the way you are?
00:37:47I love you.
00:37:47Don't you know it?
00:37:49Don't you know it?
00:37:50Don't you?
00:37:53Yes.
00:37:58Don't you?
00:38:00People love you.
00:39:03Oh, Merry Christmas.
00:39:04Oh, Merry Christmas.
00:39:34What do they call it?
00:39:35A caper?
00:39:37Leave the world breathless.
00:39:39Oh, Merry Christmas.
00:40:09Oh, Merry Christmas.
00:40:10Oh, Merry Christmas.
00:40:14Up, up, up again, and Jose once more we'll be gay, ol' eh.
00:40:20Down there, nice tall.
00:40:22Shh.
00:40:44Here they are, immortal masterpieces of the world.
00:40:55This shoebox guy was telling these two guys they were going to pull a big job for them.
00:40:59All right, let's find a place where we can use the radio.
00:41:01Where?
00:41:01I don't know.
00:41:07Man's highest achievement in the realm of art.
00:41:10But these treasures once graced ancient Greek temples, sumptuous villas of long-dead seasons,
00:41:20palaces of Renaissance princes.
00:41:24Now, now they're mine.
00:41:30All mine.
00:41:35Talk about greed.
00:41:40Excuse me while I see how the party is progressing.
00:41:54In the year 1820, a farmer was furrowing his sun-baked field on the island of Milo
00:42:00when his plow hit a hard object in the ground.
00:42:03Without realizing it, this obscure farmer had discovered one of man's greatest creations,
00:42:19a magnificent statue lost for 2,000 years.
00:42:23The world rejoiced at this fabulous discovery, even though it was not complete.
00:42:33And now, gentlemen, my good friends,
00:42:36here are the lost arms of the Venus de Milo.
00:42:40Gentlemen, the Venus de Milo is to be exhibited at the International World's Fair in London.
00:42:57Tomorrow, it'll be on its way to the seaport of Le Havre for shipment.
00:43:01I would like it not to reach there.
00:43:04This plan has taken months of intensive preparation.
00:43:10And the most important part of the plan
00:43:12is to see that it's carried out successfully.
00:43:17Gentlemen,
00:43:18I want the Venus de Milo.
00:43:26Get it!
00:43:27Get it!
00:43:28Get it!
00:43:28Get it!
00:43:29Get it!
00:43:30Get it!
00:43:31Get it!
00:43:32Get it!
00:43:33In here, Marnie.
00:43:38Come on, get it!
00:43:42Hello there!
00:43:51Goodbye there!
00:43:55Marnie, let's get Duval on the umbrella.
00:43:57Okay.
00:43:59Calling GGI-1.
00:44:02Calling GGI-1.
00:44:03to the newest
00:44:04and the most charming operator
00:44:07of the GGI.
00:44:12Pardon me.
00:44:16GGI-1 here.
00:44:19Mr. Duval,
00:44:19we have contacted our target as per order.
00:44:23We have them under close surveillance.
00:44:24Good work.
00:44:25We have information that Shoe Block has sent two men on a very important mission.
00:44:29Excellent, excellent.
00:44:30Stay with them.
00:44:31Don't let them out of your sight.
00:44:33And keep in touch by radio.
00:44:34Can do, sir.
00:44:35Let me talk to them.
00:44:36Go.
00:44:37Sir, I know where they keep the paintings and all that stolen stuff.
00:44:41They keep it hidden behind a broken picture.
00:44:44A broken picture?
00:44:45Yes, sir.
00:44:46We were playing and dancing on the bandstand and making happy for all the people.
00:44:49And I saw Shoe give the hi sign to a couple guys and I knew something was up.
00:44:53Then they all got back in the elevator and he took out his click-click.
00:44:56And I followed him down the stairs into a nicky dark cellar and naturally, I didn't know.
00:45:01Hello there.
00:45:02Hello there.
00:45:03All right, Marty.
00:45:03You had our orders.
00:45:04Yes, sir.
00:45:05What are they?
00:45:06Find them them guys and tell them.
00:45:08Find them them.
00:45:08No.
00:45:26Nice little girl.
00:45:39Hey, Mariam, come on.
00:45:41She's terrible.
00:45:56Marty, let's read you to Val and give him a progress report.
00:46:18Okay.
00:46:21Let's hang out.
00:46:22Calling GGI-1 to the newest and most charming member of the GGI.
00:46:34Ah, a perfect wine, a divine lady, and now a perfect dinner.
00:46:40Oh, how she-she can one get.
00:46:42Anchovies.
00:46:44Some ground pepper, fresh ground pepper, and a raw egg.
00:46:52Start me.
00:46:56Lavelle here.
00:46:57Over.
00:46:58Sir, I'd like to report we've made contact with them.
00:47:01We're on a train en route to Paris.
00:47:04Yes, I know.
00:47:04Stay in your compartment.
00:47:06You'll be contacted by one of our top agents, codename Fred Johnson.
00:47:10You're doing a fine job.
00:47:12Keep up the good work.
00:47:13Over and out.
00:47:14Thank you, sir.
00:47:15Over and out.
00:47:16Did you hear that, Marty?
00:47:17He said we're doing a fine job.
00:47:19Congratulations.
00:47:21Take your average everyday spy.
00:47:22He'd never play it this cool.
00:47:24Right, now let's get some sleep.
00:47:25Let's get some sleep.
00:47:28Good night, Mr. DeVal.
00:47:29I'm a spy.
00:47:31Ow!
00:47:31What the...
00:47:32Ow!
00:47:33Hey, Steve!
00:47:34What's up?
00:47:34Oh!
00:47:35Oh!
00:47:35Oh!
00:47:38Under five, under six, under seven, under eight, under...
00:47:40Honey, will you stop that?
00:47:42You want my hair to look sloppy?
00:47:44Now stop it and get to bed.
00:47:46Okay.
00:47:46Okay.
00:47:46Who's there?
00:47:51It's me, Fred Johnson.
00:47:52May I come in?
00:47:53Fred Johnson, that's our contact.
00:47:54Open the door.
00:47:58Good evening, gentlemen.
00:48:00I'm Fred Johnson from GGI.
00:48:02Oh!
00:48:04Come in, come in.
00:48:08You're Fred Johnson?
00:48:10Yes, gentlemen.
00:48:11I'm in disguise.
00:48:12I'm not really French.
00:48:14You sure fooled me.
00:48:15How do you do, sir?
00:48:17Hello there.
00:48:19You sure are beautiful, sir.
00:48:20Ma'am.
00:48:21Won't you sit down, please?
00:48:23Right over here.
00:48:24Hey, just have a minute.
00:48:26Them has rented a plane at a small airport outside of Paris.
00:48:30A rotary XP-37, painted orange and white.
00:48:33Fuselage is marked 68C.
00:48:36Gasoline capacity is 50 miles.
00:48:37Which means that whatever they're up to is somewhere in the vicinity of Paris.
00:48:43We don't know which airport.
00:48:45But the moment we do, you will be contacted.
00:48:49Don't let the two men out of your sight under any circumstances.
00:48:54Right.
00:48:55What's such a nice person like you doing in such a dangerous business?
00:48:59It keeps me in nylons.
00:49:02Goodbye.
00:49:04Goodbye.
00:49:05Goodbye.
00:49:11Marty, let go of him.
00:49:17Now look, will you snap out of it?
00:49:19You heard what he said.
00:49:20We got a lot of spying to do.
00:49:21I could really go for a girl like that.
00:49:25Yeah, but how would you explain it to the PTA?
00:49:27Now get to bed.
00:49:45Marty, they're gone.
00:49:48Don't move.
00:49:49Okay, boys.
00:49:50The game's over.
00:49:58You're not going to kill us here.
00:50:00They'll hear the noise.
00:50:01We got silencers.
00:50:03I'm talking about me.
00:50:04I'm going to yell my guts out.
00:50:05Hey!
00:50:05Hey!
00:50:20Hey!
00:50:20You're not going to let me.
00:50:21Hey!
00:50:21Hey!
00:50:22Yo!
00:50:22Hey!
00:50:23Hey!
00:50:31Hey!
00:50:31Oh, my God.
00:51:01Oh, my God.
00:51:31Oh, my God.
00:52:01Oh, my God.
00:52:31Oh, my God.
00:52:32Paris, that's us.
00:52:37Let's go.
00:52:39Let's go.
00:52:40Let's go.
00:52:45Let's go.
00:52:46Let's go.
00:52:47Let's go.
00:52:48Let's go.
00:52:49Let's go.
00:52:51Let's go.
00:52:53The umbrella.
00:52:54We forgot the umbrella.
00:52:55The umbrella.
00:52:56We forgot the umbrella.
00:52:59Oh, my baby.
00:53:09My baby.
00:53:10I love you.
00:53:11Let's go.
00:53:12Let's go.
00:53:13Let's go.
00:53:14Let's go.
00:53:16He went that way.
00:53:23Think.
00:53:31Isn't that a huge birdie?
00:53:46They're after us. They're coming in.
00:53:49Come on, Marty. Get out of the window.
00:53:54They're after us.
00:54:01They came after me. I had to jump out the window.
00:54:03I had to go.
00:54:16Come on.
00:54:46And these guys had guns on us, and they were coming out, and I had to jump through the window.
00:54:52I don't know what to do for them.
00:54:54Come on, buddy.
00:54:55I'm going to try it out.
00:55:06My friend.
00:55:09My friend.
00:55:14There they go.
00:55:15Down there.
00:55:16Hurry up, will you?
00:55:17Hurry up.
00:55:19What?
00:55:20Come on, come on.
00:55:21It won't take all day.
00:55:22The director's waiting.
00:55:23We're behind schedule.
00:55:24Schedule?
00:55:33Holder, wait a minute.
00:55:34You're late.
00:55:35If you're going to be in pictures, you've got to be on time.
00:55:37Now beat it, Scranton.
00:55:38Come on, boys.
00:55:39Get your places, will you?
00:55:40Quiet.
00:55:41Quiet on the set.
00:55:42Sit down and see we'll play.
00:55:43Now, come on, everybody.
00:55:44This is a key scene.
00:55:45Now, let's pick up your cues.
00:55:46All right, it's later.
00:55:50Scene one, take eight.
00:55:52A train is missing.
00:55:53Sir, you call yourselves German soldiers.
00:56:21Yeah.
00:56:25How could it happen?
00:56:26How could it possibly happen?
00:56:29How could the whole German army let a bunch of crazy Yankee doodles steal an entire train?
00:56:36Do you know what I have to do now?
00:56:45Hmm?
00:56:46I have to call up Herman Goring and say to him, hello, Herman.
00:56:51You'll never guess what happened.
00:56:54Our boys let someone steal a train from them.
00:56:59Goodbye, Herman.
00:57:00A pencil.
00:57:01A pencil.
00:57:03A tire.
00:57:05That I can understand.
00:57:06But the whole choo-choo train?
00:57:12Stand up straight, will I talk to you?
00:57:14Look who's going to conquer the world.
00:57:26We're going to be in London by Christmas.
00:57:34Christmas 1999 will be there.
00:57:37With lots of luck.
00:57:38And what is this?
00:57:54This is what they send me to fight a war with?
00:57:59Look who they recruited.
00:58:03Smokey the bear.
00:58:06Turn around.
00:58:06That's what I thought.
00:58:12The same on both sides.
00:58:15Turn around.
00:58:17Wait till Goring hears about this one.
00:58:21Oh, young man.
00:58:23Oh, pot-to-to-to-to.
00:58:25Oh, too-to-to-to.
00:58:27I know how you feel.
00:58:29Oh, yeah.
00:58:31It's not easy to be a soldier.
00:58:33It's not easy to be a soldier.
00:58:35No.
00:58:36Look, you get a 24-hour pass.
00:58:38I get a pass?
00:58:39Yes.
00:58:39You go to the Stuttgart Hofbrau Garten.
00:58:42The garden.
00:58:43The Stuttgart garden.
00:58:45Yeah.
00:58:45Yeah.
00:58:46There you are dancing with your Fräulein.
00:58:48Dancing with my Fräulein.
00:58:50Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.
00:58:53Oh, oh, and all of a sudden this tough-looking sergeant comes up to you.
00:58:57Boo!
00:58:58Sergeant, tough sergeant.
00:59:00Yes, yes, all right.
00:59:01And then he taps you on the shoulder.
00:59:02Yeah.
00:59:03And he says to you, excuse me, sir.
00:59:05Are you in the army?
00:59:06Yeah.
00:59:06Could we prevail upon you to go to the front where the war is happening?
00:59:11The war.
00:59:12The war.
00:59:12Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:59:17Gestapo, take away the swine, take away the stupcoop!
00:59:21Come on, swine.
00:59:22Not so hard, take it easy.
00:59:25I'm acting, I'm acting.
00:59:26Come, sir.
00:59:27Oh, cut, hold it a minute, will you?
00:59:28Oh, give your places, let me see the script.
00:59:32Take it easy, it's only a movie.
00:59:34All right, now let's change clothes and get out of here.
00:59:36I'll get the umbrella.
00:59:37Okay.
00:59:38What kind of a lousy agent are you?
00:59:40One lousy job every six months?
00:59:41All my friends aren't working.
00:59:43I'm going to get myself a new agent tomorrow.
00:59:45At the right, I'm going out and I'll never go out and say anything in this business!
00:59:59Hurry up, Steve.
01:00:00Hurry up, Steve.
01:00:05Here they come!
01:00:07Here they come!
01:00:08Steve!
01:00:08Here they come!
01:00:09Here they come!
01:00:10Here they come!
01:00:15Here they come!
01:00:16THE END
01:00:46THE END
01:01:16THE END
01:01:46THE END
01:01:48THE END
01:01:50THE END
01:01:52THE END
01:01:54THE END
01:01:56THE END
01:02:00THE END
01:02:08THE END
01:02:10THE END
01:02:12THE END
01:02:14THE END
01:02:16THE END
01:02:18THE END
01:02:20THE END
01:02:22THE END
01:02:24THE END
01:02:26THE END
01:02:28THE END
01:02:30THE END
01:02:32THE END
01:02:34THE END
01:02:36THE END
01:02:38THE END
01:02:40THE END
01:02:42THE END
01:02:46THE END
01:02:48THE END
01:02:50THE END
01:02:52THE END
01:02:54THE END
01:02:56THE END
01:02:58THE END
01:03:00THE END
01:03:02THE END
01:03:04THE END
01:03:06THE END
01:03:08THE END
01:03:10THE END
01:03:12THE END
01:03:14THE END
01:03:16THE END
01:03:18THE END
01:03:20THE END
01:03:22THE END
01:03:24THE END
01:03:26THE END
01:03:28THE END
01:03:30THE END
01:03:32THE END
01:03:34THE END
01:03:35THE END
01:03:36THE END
01:03:37THE END
01:03:38THE END
01:03:39THE END
01:03:40THE END
01:03:41THE END
01:03:42THE END
01:03:43THE END
01:03:44THE END
01:03:45THE END
01:03:46THE END
01:03:47THE END
01:03:48THE END
01:03:49THE END
01:03:50THE END
01:03:51THE END
01:03:52THE END
01:03:53THE END
01:03:54THE END
01:03:55THE END
01:03:56THE END
01:03:57you'll never get away with whatever it is shut up you're gonna let him talk to me like that
01:04:06shut up
01:04:07i get this through your hair i'm gonna lower you with this winch
01:04:19and you're gonna take this hook and hook it to a crate
01:04:23and just so that you know what you're doing you're gonna help us hide the venus de milo
01:04:28venus de milo that naked lady
01:04:53all right get ready i'm as ready as i'll ever be
01:05:00oh
01:05:09oh
01:05:12oh
01:05:14and
01:05:17well
01:05:19Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
01:05:24Hello. Hello. Hello.
01:05:33Go. Go. Go. Over there. Find the turret.
01:05:36Find the turret. Go. Come on. Move.
01:05:43Okay. Go. I rather not, sir.
01:05:46Steve Kellum, I rather not.
01:05:48Stop!
01:06:04Hey! The turret! The turret!
01:06:18Steve! Steve, I'm gonna hit the box!
01:06:24Hey, what are you doing? Watch it!
01:06:30Steve! The truck!
01:06:32Help!
01:06:38Hey, what are you doing? Watch it!
01:06:45Steve! The truck!
01:06:46Help me!
01:06:50Help!
01:06:53Hey, what are you doing?
01:06:54What are you doing?
01:06:59Help!
01:07:04Help me!
01:07:06Help me!
01:07:07Help!
01:07:08Help!
01:07:17Help me!
01:07:19Help!
01:07:21Help!
01:07:24See you, all right?
01:07:25What are you doing?
01:07:27Oh!
01:07:28Help!
01:07:29Help me!
01:07:37Help me!
01:08:07Help me! Help!
01:08:19Marty, wake up. Come on now, Marty. Wake up. It's Steve.
01:08:23Don't ever do that.
01:08:25I was only trying to revive you.
01:08:27Revive me? You better get on the umbrella and call the valve.
01:08:30All right.
01:08:31Calling GGI-1.
01:08:3949. An excellent year.
01:08:43Ah, business, business, business.
01:08:46Tiger, it's for you.
01:08:51Gval here. Over.
01:08:52Sir, we found out that them was trying to steal the Venus de Milo, but...
01:08:56Yes, I know.
01:08:56How'd you find out?
01:08:58You left your umbrella wrong.
01:08:59The Venus de Milo is safe.
01:09:01What do we do now, sir?
01:09:02Well, the next move is to get the GGI men into the chateau
01:09:05and to locate the hiding place of the art masterpieces.
01:09:09Sir, you've got to use the little click-click machine.
01:09:12I can assure you we've thought of that.
01:09:15Our plan is to announce to the entire world
01:09:17that the Venus de Milo has been stolen
01:09:19and not a trace of its kidnappers has been found.
01:09:22This will lull our French shoebox into a false state of security.
01:09:25One of our operators will use her considerable charms
01:09:30to get Schubach out for a night of celebration.
01:09:33One of the places she'll take him
01:09:35will be to your quaint little a-go-go bar.
01:09:38And with the aid of some good bulls,
01:09:40we might induce him to relinquish his click-click.
01:09:43That's a tough job for a person to do.
01:09:46Are you sure you have the right kind of agent?
01:09:47I'm never more certain.
01:09:50Over and out.
01:09:53To the newest and most fabulous recruit
01:09:57the GGI has ever had.
01:10:06Cuckoo swinger.
01:10:08Oh, I don't know.
01:10:12Easy, easy.
01:10:14Careful, careful.
01:10:15It costs money.
01:10:16Anything to make a bird.
01:10:21Anything to make a bird.
01:10:46And I don't know, I don't know.
01:10:51It's not enough.
01:10:55Is this a year above your ass?
01:10:56Yes.
01:11:01Very beautiful.
01:11:05Yes.
01:11:35She thinks I'm a cuckoo swinger.
01:11:38I mean, I...
01:11:39I...
01:12:05I...
01:12:06I...
01:12:07I...
01:12:08I...
01:12:09I...
01:12:10I...
01:12:12I...
01:12:14I...
01:12:16I...
01:12:17I...
01:12:18I...
01:15:21The little guy.
01:15:23The fat little guy with a hair problem.
01:15:26He went off that way, sir.
01:15:27Another car followed him, sir.
01:15:29Of course.
01:15:31G.G. out.
01:15:32Marty, try the click-click.
01:15:41That might do it.
01:15:42Okay, Steve.
01:15:42Good thinking.
01:15:47Come on through this way.
01:15:49Through that door, Steve.
01:15:49This is about this where the elevator door opened.
01:16:04You see?
01:16:05You see?
01:16:05You see?
01:16:05You think I have something?
01:16:08Watch this.
01:16:10Marty, that's marvelous.
01:16:11There was nothing.
01:16:12All I did was squeeze the click-click, and then the whole...
01:16:14If the small show is over, maybe proceed.
01:16:18Dr. Spenberg, please call your exchange.
01:16:31Dr. Spenberg, please call your exchange.
01:16:34You see?
01:16:35You see?
01:16:35You see?
01:16:36You see?
01:16:36You see?
01:16:37You see?
01:16:38You see?
01:16:39You see?
01:16:39Incredible.
01:16:39Absolutely incredible.
01:16:42I've never seen anything like it before.
01:16:45Quite a man, Mr. Schumann.
01:16:47The morals of a buccaneer, and the taste of a true commissaire of beauty.
01:16:54However, this beauty belongs to the world.
01:16:57And due to your audacious efforts, all this will be back in its rightful place.
01:17:02It is in its rightful place, Mr. DeLau.
01:17:06Ah.
01:17:07The illustrious Mr. Schumann.
01:17:11So we finally meet.
01:17:12An event I've been looking forward to for some years, sir.
01:17:16Delighted.
01:17:17The formidable Mr. DeLau.
01:17:19I apologize that we have to meet under such unpropitious circumstances, sir.
01:17:24Unpropitious for you, my illustrious host.
01:17:27Au contraire, my distinguished adversary.
01:17:30Hey, Steve, are they going to fight or kiss?
01:17:32Enough of this bad enough.
01:17:33Your presence in my grotto makes me extremely uncomfortable.
01:17:38So enjoy your last few moments.
01:17:40And you must admit you're very fortunate people to die amidst such beauty and elegance.
01:17:47I don't like that channel.
01:17:48I'd rather switch than fight.
01:18:05Gentlemen, I think this concludes our tour.
01:18:07Come on.
01:18:07Change of plans.
01:18:16There must be another way out of this place.
01:18:18I suggest we make a valent attempt to find it.
01:18:22Just as I thought.
01:18:24Air conditioning.
01:18:24Hey, it's blowing in that direction.
01:18:27You take that room over there and you check that side.
01:18:29Yes, sir.
01:18:30And we'll check further down.
01:18:31Come on.
01:18:31Come on.
01:18:31Excellent, excellent.
01:18:50That's our avenue of escape.
01:18:52So, it's fun and game time, huh?
01:19:11Well, let's go.
01:19:41Oh, my god.
01:19:51Oh, my god.
01:19:56Oh, my God.
01:20:26Monsieur.
01:20:28I'm not afraid I can manage that.
01:20:56Oh, my God.
01:21:19Oh, my God.
01:21:20I can't get my umbrella. I forgot about my umbrella.
01:21:30Hey, what are you going to do with that?
01:21:33Oh, you're crazy, you!
01:21:36Look, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.
01:21:44Hey, what are you going to do with that?
01:21:47Oh, you're crazy, you!
01:21:50Look, can't we talk this over like a couple of adult spies?
01:21:56Let's sit down around the table and negotiate.
01:22:00And maybe have a nice egg cream.
01:22:04Look, can't we...
01:22:09Dr. Strindberg, it's urgent that you call your exchange immediately, sir.
01:22:13They're waiting for your call, sir.
01:22:15Repeat that, Strindberg! Call your exchange!
01:22:18Now you be a nice boy! Put out that secret lighter!
01:22:21Now cut that out, you!
01:22:23Oh, my God!
01:22:29Good guy's finished first!
01:22:31Hey, ho!
01:22:46We already game.
01:23:16I don't know where it leads to, but let's take a chance.
01:23:43Oh!
01:23:55Oh!
01:23:56Oh!
01:23:57Oh!
01:23:58Oh!
01:23:59Oh!
01:24:02Oh!
01:24:11Oh!
01:24:14Shall we join your friends?
01:24:18Oh!
01:24:19Oh!
01:24:20Oh!
01:24:21Oh!
01:24:22Oh!
01:24:23Oh!
01:24:24Oh!
01:24:25Oh!
01:24:26Oh!
01:24:27Oh!
01:24:28Oh!
01:24:29Oh!
01:24:30Oh!
01:24:31Oh!
01:24:32Oh!
01:24:33Oh!
01:24:34Oh!
01:24:35Oh!
01:24:36Oh!
01:24:37Oh!
01:24:38Oh!
01:24:39Oh!
01:24:40Oh!
01:24:41Oh!
01:24:42Oh!
01:24:43Oh!
01:24:44Oh!
01:24:46Oh!
01:24:47Oh!
01:24:48Oh!
01:24:49Oh!
01:24:50Oh!
01:24:51Oh!
01:24:52room and face the wall. You, you. Okay, Mr. DeValle, there's your man. All right. Back. In there. Move.
01:25:08Come on. Steve. Bye, Joe.
01:25:22Oh, yeah.
01:25:33Pisse de peau. Imbissile. Je veux t'en prie.
01:25:36Oh, ouais. Allons. Allons.
01:25:43Oh, it worked, it worked, it worked. Bye-bye, Shoebox. Goodbye, dear. Bye-bye.
01:25:58Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
01:26:01You are under arrest.
01:26:07I'm a product of overcrowded public schools.
01:26:11Wee! It's me, Mary Poppins!
01:26:18Thank you, Barbara. You know, she's really great.
01:26:22And now, ladies and gentlemen, before we go on with the show,
01:26:25we've all read about that amazing caper in France
01:26:28and the two brave young Americans who foil the attempt of the criminal organization in them.
01:26:32Well, the boys are sitting in our audience tonight with their new wives.
01:26:37Steve, stand up there and take a bow.
01:26:40Oh!
01:26:43And sitting directly across the aisle is his friend and his partner, Marty, with his new bride.
01:26:51Stand up there, kids.
01:26:55That's a very great thrill. You know, the world of art is deeply indebted to these brave young people
01:27:06because so long as men like these are willing to risk their lives,
01:27:10we can sleep nights and feel secure in the knowledge that our great national treasures will remain forever in their rightful places.
01:27:22He's never caught one spy on tow.
01:27:33He's never even caught a cove.
01:27:39Got his degree from Disneyland.
01:27:42But he's the last of the secret agents. He's my man.
01:27:51He's an underwhelming kind of sleuth.
01:27:54He thinks James Bond's some kind of suit.
01:28:00He's father back then and also ran.
01:28:06But he's the last of the secret agents and he's my man.
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