- 6 weeks ago
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00:00Okay, wait, no, no, no, no, wait, I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready.
00:02Previously on My Big Fat Fabulous Life,
00:05it is literally my first time trying artificial insemination.
00:08Three, two, one.
00:11Oh.
00:13Not.
00:14Unfortunately, I'm still not pregnant.
00:16Yeah, just back to the drawing board.
00:19We're on our way to Boston and Salem.
00:22This girl's trip could not have come soon enough.
00:26Oh, f***!
00:27I can't catch you!
00:29I started listening to this podcast called Two Girls, One Ghost,
00:33hosted by Sabrina and Corinne.
00:35We're channeling demons, Angie.
00:36We're not calling demons.
00:39I hope not.
00:40It's not demons.
00:42Oh, no, ma'am.
00:43They've agreed to show us all the spooky stuff around Salem.
00:47If there are any spirits here, you can form words and let us know.
00:50Are you looking for me?
00:52Nope.
00:53Okay.
00:55So we've actually been to the Henry Derby house before,
00:58and it is probably the most haunted house in Salem.
01:01There's a man here.
01:03What a lovely man.
01:04Jessica's father.
01:06Anyone here looking for love?
01:07Are you looking for love?
01:08I'm scared because I'm...
01:10I just turned 40.
01:11I'm almost 41.
01:12Women are having babies at 45 now.
01:15Do not think you're done.
01:16Ashley, come on.
01:18The cuddle's coming.
01:19I love the cuddle coming.
01:21Ooh, look at the spread.
01:42Oh, Angie.
01:43Good morning.
01:44Hey, Mama.
01:46I know, right?
01:47Are y'all hungry?
01:48Yes, thank you.
01:50Where's Whitney?
01:51Angie, thank you so much.
01:51What is she?
01:52She's...
01:54I am nursing Courtney.
01:57How do you have her?
01:58Why is she on your teeth?
01:59This is not okay.
02:01Did you ask for her permission?
02:02She was hungry.
02:03She came to me.
02:04She won't.
02:06Roll it up.
02:07This trip to Massachusetts has been a whirlwind of emotions.
02:11For me, but it's all been really positive.
02:14And waking up in Salem in a haunted house, that's next level.
02:19I've been having breastfeeding dreams.
02:22You need to keep her off your teeth.
02:23It's unhealthy.
02:24The feeling of nourishing something.
02:26What is nourishing?
02:27There's a porcelain doll laying on your teeth.
02:29You're not nourishing anything.
02:31Oh, my God.
02:32Her mental illness.
02:32That's so funny.
02:35I was not touched physically last night by a ghost.
02:39I'll say that.
02:40But I did have some crazy dreams.
02:43So I don't know what the house is trying to tell me.
02:45I don't know if maybe that's a good omen.
02:48I have no idea.
02:49I had an appointment with my doctor, and she brought up insemination.
02:55See?
02:55But the thing that they do when you go in the office is a little more, like, foolproof.
03:00Well, right.
03:01So you are going to go to the doctor?
03:02I'll go to the doctor, yeah.
03:03I think so.
03:04Well, let me know when I'm going to book a flight.
03:07I want to go.
03:07Oh, big sister.
03:09I want to go.
03:10I mean, yeah, that's important.
03:11You're so sweet.
03:12My first at-home insemination attempt failed.
03:16So I'm going to have my second vial of sperm sent directly to my doctor so a professional
03:22can inseminate me, hopefully better.
03:24However, I'm trying not to have too much anxiety about the outcome, but the truth is that I'm
03:31about to turn 41, and I am definitely very, very aware that my time is running out.
03:42So somebody's helped what they thought.
03:44Oh, the seance?
03:45Well, I've never been happier.
03:46Leanne said.
03:47And she was with mom, and mom was just...
03:49I liked Leanne a lot.
03:50She's a very calming presence.
03:52You know, I was so scared to ask about dad, because I just knew he wouldn't...
03:57Dad wouldn't be able to say, oh, f***ing that, and it would have broke my heart.
04:01So when she just, out of nowhere, said that, and I was like, oh my gosh, my daddy does love
04:05me.
04:06The whole time, I was sitting there talking to your dad, and I was like, well, if you
04:09don't want it together.
04:13But that felt so...
04:15That was...
04:18Aw.
04:20That was the first, like, really cool, like, good moment I've had since he died, like,
04:25in relation to him.
04:27You know, everything's just been so sad, and right now I'm holding on to all the bad stuff,
04:32like how sick he was, and, you know, all the stuff we had to do to take care of him.
04:36It's like, I don't really remember the good stuff.
04:39But, you know, all the stuff that Liam brought up was just funny and made me feel like, you
04:44know, that was, like, the fun dad again.
04:45So that was a really cool moment.
04:47Because he wants you to feel that.
04:49He wants you to be happy.
04:50Yeah.
04:51Thank you for bringing us up here to do this.
04:52Yes.
04:53Of course.
04:54And how did you feel?
04:56You know, I haven't seen or witnessed anything yet that's, like, converted me into, like,
05:01a legitimate believer.
05:04But, yeah, I'm having a great time.
05:05I can tell you're having a great time in a way that concerns me a little bit.
05:09Because when I said yesterday that, like, oh, I could move here, how quickly you said,
05:13oh, yeah, me too, and you love to move somewhere.
05:16Like, I went down a rabbit hole last night thinking about, well, Whitney's probably going
05:19to move here.
05:20She's going to do like she did Charlotte and be like, all right, well, and then just be
05:23gone.
05:24Courtney, pack your bag.
05:26You can't take Courtney.
05:27She must stay here.
05:28You're going to have to move here if you want to stay with Courtney.
05:30Clearly, everyone understands that I am itching to get out of Greensboro, and I am falling
05:38in love with Salem, but I haven't made any plans to move, and I'm just now kind of wrapping
05:43my brain around when that could happen, how that could happen, but it is a tantalizing
05:48idea to chew on.
05:51Courtney, don't take her out of this house.
05:53She doesn't want to go outside of these walls.
05:56Okay.
05:56All right, let's go get ready.
05:58Come on, Courtney.
06:00I'm sorry.
06:00I'll let that happen.
06:01Love you, Courtney.
06:09Hello.
06:10Woo-hoo!
06:10Good, good.
06:11I remember.
06:12Just stop.
06:13Do you guys bring your brooms?
06:15It's perfect weather for flying.
06:16This wind.
06:18I don't have my witch's license yet.
06:19How'd you all sleep in the haunted house?
06:22I slept okay.
06:23Did you?
06:23Yeah.
06:24Having Corinne and Sabrina show us around Salem is so exciting.
06:29They are baby witches, and they love all the dark, spooky, macabre sides of everything.
06:35How can you not have fun with two girls who hunt ghosts?
06:39My hunt was, well, it was a small hunt.
06:43Okay.
06:43I was jolted awake by the howling wind, and it was 3.33 a.m.
06:51I had a witching hour hunt.
06:52And at 3.33.
06:53Spooky.
06:53Well, we're gonna go to the witch museum.
06:57I can't wait.
06:58Where?
06:58Oh, it's okay, yeah.
06:59It's right there.
06:59It's right there.
06:59Oh, yeah.
07:01Oh, wow.
07:01And then the giant church-looking building.
07:03And then tomorrow's the waxing gibbous moon.
07:05The waxing gibbous?
07:07Oh.
07:07It's all about, like, checking in on where you are with, like, goals and getting rid of what
07:13isn't working for you and setting up new intentions.
07:16Whitney, are you hearing this?
07:17Yeah, I'm hearing it.
07:17So we're gonna do a little bit of, like, a ritual.
07:21I am so into our Salem itinerary.
07:25We have sightseeing, we have shopping, and tomorrow, a magic ritual underneath the waxing
07:30gibbous moon.
07:31Like, Sabrina and Corinne are making all of my Salem witch fantasies come true.
07:37You want to do our witch thing?
07:39Ugh!
07:40Ugh!
07:40Ugh!
07:40Ugh!
07:41Ugh!
07:41Ugh!
07:42Ugh!
07:42Ugh!
07:42Ugh!
07:43Ugh!
07:43Ugh!
07:44Ugh!
07:44I've been waiting my whole life to do it.
07:47What are we doing?
07:48You've never seen Hocus Pocus?
07:49No, honestly.
07:50That is wild.
07:51We should have done two rows of three.
07:54I know.
07:55Selfishly, I really wanted to go to the Salem Witch Museum just because I've never been there.
07:59It's the best place to get a taste of Salem's ugly history.
08:03The vibes all ready.
08:04Hello.
08:05Hi.
08:06How are you?
08:07Morning.
08:08Welcome to the Salem Witch Museum.
08:11This is where you hear all about the hangings, the burnings.
08:14It's a good time.
08:15So much fun.
08:17Hi.
08:18My name is Rachel.
08:19I'm going to be taking you through our museum here today.
08:22This red circle in front of us shows the names of the 19 innocent people who were hanged.
08:26You're going to be hearing about the Salem Witch Trials of 1692, which are the largest and
08:30deadliest witch trials in North American history.
08:33I actually already knew a pretty good bit about Salem's history and the witch trials.
08:38I've read a lot about it.
08:40I love history.
08:41Anything witchy, I'm there.
08:43Y'all saw me do the womb ceremony.
08:45I mean, it didn't work, so I guess I'm not a witch, but I respect their work.
08:49What we see, historically speaking, during times of great fear, people tend to look around
08:54them and say, hmm, who could be responsible for this?
08:58And witches are the perfect scapegoat, right?
09:00So that means that witches could explain any number of misfortunes from a strange illness,
09:06your cow gets sick, even smaller misfortunes like your milk spoils that could draw attention
09:11to you and ultimately result in you being accused of witchcraft.
09:14This is what we would call a stereotypical witch.
09:17The pointed hat, the broomstick, the green skin, and of course, also cats.
09:21What I'm learning today is basically any woman back then could have been a witch.
09:26Whitney would have been a lot of trouble.
09:28That is sad.
09:30Single, a cat, and a sassy tongue.
09:33All three of her.
09:34She really would have been.
09:36Damn.
09:37She would have been hung twice.
09:40Got it right the first time.
09:43So in Salem, the people who were executed for witches were hanged on what is now known as Proctor's Ledge.
09:49So a last witch trial, it's Grace Sherwood, who is actually swum.
09:55And the idea was if they floated, the water was rejecting them.
09:59They were a witch.
10:00They would fish them out and try them.
10:02If they sank, they were good.
10:04So she does survive the ordeal of the water.
10:07They do find her guilty, but she is never executed.
10:11She stays in jail for about eight years and is eventually released.
10:15When people talk about, like, witches and things, you don't really think about the actual torment that some of these women went through.
10:23It's not like you could save yourself from drowning because then they think you're a witch and they'll kill you anyways.
10:27I would have just been like, yeah, I'm a witch.
10:29Kill me.
10:31Can't wait to come back and halt y'all.
10:34Why are we still talking about the Salem witch trials in the modern day?
10:37The only way to prevent these events from happening in the future is to learn about them so that we can recognize these things when they're taking place and hopefully stop them in their tracks.
10:46Stories about witches and the unlawful and unjust persecution of these women resonates a lot with me because just being a single childless woman over 40, I think I would have already been, like, a highly suspicious figure.
11:01Even in this day and age, choosing to have a child out of wedlock as a woman is met with a lot of criticism.
11:10I can't fathom what would have happened if you took this path intentionally back then.
11:16Now, somebody teach Angie what to do.
11:18Okay.
11:19Go up.
11:20Go up.
11:21No, got me up here.
11:22Go up.
11:23Go like this.
11:24Huh.
11:25Huh.
11:26Huh.
11:27Huh.
11:28And you go, huh.
11:29Okay.
11:30Okay.
11:31Here we go.
11:32One, two, three.
11:33Three.
11:34Huh.
11:35Huh.
11:36Huh.
11:37Huh.
11:38Huh.
11:39Huh.
11:40Huh.
11:41Huh.
11:42Huh.
11:43Huh.
11:44Link up.
11:45Love you.
11:46Have fun, witches.
11:47All right, see y'all soon.
11:49We need to go get our souvenirs.
11:51The girls wanna go shopping,
11:52but I'm gonna hang with Corinne and Sabrina
11:54because they wanna show me the creepy cemetery,
11:56and I am just dying to get there.
12:08The black cat, curiosity shop.
12:11There's a lot of cat stuff calling you.
12:13We love a good ghost tour in Salem,
12:15a good walking history.
12:18This is so cute.
12:19You can really find yourself here.
12:21I love all of this.
12:23It's every haunted spot,
12:24every place that's like got a ghost,
12:26and every cemetery in the history.
12:28And we know Whitney is one of us,
12:30so we figured why not do all of our favorite things
12:32with Whitney.
12:33She's a ghost girl.
12:35Well, watch yourself because the cemetery
12:36is the oldest one in Salem.
12:39Oh, it's right spooky.
12:42All of the stones are memorializing each person
12:45who died during the witch trials.
12:46Oh, no.
12:47Isn't that wild?
12:48Yeah.
12:48When the ground gets moist enough
12:50and there's a lot of heavy rains,
12:51occasionally the bodies will kind of just-
12:54They'll stop.
12:54...flip out.
12:56No, they don't.
12:57I swear to God.
12:58Well, they're bones now.
12:59They're bones.
13:00The flesh is gone.
13:01Where's the casket?
13:01And then when you see them, you just-
13:03That's not true.
13:04Did you expect us to talk this much about death?
13:07Well, yeah.
13:07I liked it.
13:08Yeah.
13:09I expected that.
13:10We make death fun.
13:11Yeah.
13:11Yeah.
13:12And as you walk around,
13:14each stone has the name of the person who died,
13:18the date that they died, and how they died.
13:20That's interesting.
13:21So in the back corner, you'll see a man, Giles Corey,
13:24and his wife was accused, and he actually
13:25believed that she was a witch.
13:27He's the only person in the whole witch hysteria
13:31of Massachusetts that died by being pressed to death.
13:34Pressed to death.
13:34Because he didn't say a single word
13:36during his trial.
13:37Wait, didn't he say, when they were pressing him,
13:39I think I read about him, didn't he say,
13:41more weight?
13:41He did.
13:42I was like, that would be kind of like
13:43a metal tattoo to guess.
13:44Yeah.
13:45Oh.
13:45More weight.
13:47My imagination has been totally captured by this town.
13:51I feel immediately at home with Corinne and Sabrina,
13:54I feel excited to be with them,
13:56but also just really comfortable.
13:57I feel like I've met two kindreds.
14:01How do you feel in the area so far?
14:03Oh, I love it.
14:03Corinne did, it took her eight years
14:05to manifest me moving here, but it happened.
14:07Yeah, she did.
14:09So we can start manifesting you moving here.
14:11Yeah.
14:14I'll never leave this area.
14:15Very healing.
14:16It's also a great place to have kids.
14:18I feel like Corinne and Sabrina are giving me
14:20the Salem sales pitch right now.
14:22And honestly, it doesn't take a lot to seduce me,
14:25so I need them to be careful.
14:26Not to pressure, but also to pressure.
14:29I feel like it could be really good for you.
14:31They have rules for dogs, but they don't mention cats?
14:48No, they don't.
14:49He's hypoallergenic.
14:50Yeah.
14:51Hi, welcome in.
14:52Hi.
14:52Hi.
14:53Hello.
14:53Space for three.
14:54Yes.
14:54Yes.
14:55Well, actually, no, four.
14:56Four?
14:56I want it right this way.
14:59I feel so fortunate to be experiencing Salem
15:02for the first time with Corinne and Sabrina.
15:04They share my interests, whether it's daemons, haints.
15:09Like, they don't even look at me askance
15:11when I enter this bar with a black stuffed cat
15:15that I got from a witch store.
15:16I mean, they just feel like my sisters
15:21from an otherworldly mister.
15:25Oh, my god.
15:26Look, big boy.
15:28Look, big boy.
15:30I love this.
15:31This is so Salem that they, like, play into all of the stuff.
15:35Yes.
15:37God, I love it here.
15:39I just feel like there's still so much that I want to do,
15:41and you know.
15:41Yeah.
15:42Just like a couple days, like, is not enough.
15:45And also, I'm taking a ballet class.
15:47Mm-hmm.
15:48It's at this place called Magma.
15:49It's Movement Arts, Gloucester, Massachusetts.
15:52And it's this really cool place.
15:53It's, like, for, you know, inclusivity and dance.
15:56You're getting me excited.
15:58After I went to the Boston Ballet,
15:59I checked in with Ruth from Pineapple Dance Studios
16:02in London to tell her how amazing Swan Lake was.
16:04I sent her some pictures of Salem,
16:06and she told me that there's a really well-known dance
16:09studio nearby called Magma, and that I should definitely
16:12go take a class.
16:14A ballet class.
16:15But in the spirit of taking on a challenge,
16:18we're going to do it.
16:20I don't know what's going to happen to me.
16:21I don't know if I'm going to be in pain.
16:22But I absolutely want to experience that.
16:24Yeah.
16:25So there's just a lot of cool things to do.
16:27Oh, my gosh.
16:28It's very vibey.
16:29Yeah, it really is.
16:30I know.
16:30There's just so much to explore.
16:31I just, I love a change.
16:33I love a novelty.
16:34I love a travel.
16:36I love a new vibe.
16:37But for me, I mean, one of my biggest struggles, I think, being in Greensboro, it's not like
16:41a tiny, tiny town or anything.
16:42But I just feel really isolated.
16:44Yeah.
16:45Yeah.
16:46You know, I don't know.
16:47Being my age, too, it's like most people are married with families.
16:50And I just feel disconnected.
16:52And like, I feel like in my house, I just like sit in my house alone.
16:55And my dad lives there.
16:56It is weird.
16:57Making friends as an adult, too, is just like, it's so hard.
16:59It's really hard.
17:00When I moved out here, too, I was in a really rough place in my life where I felt so disconnected
17:04from where I was living before.
17:05And I felt like I had completely lost myself.
17:07What, in Boston?
17:08No.
17:09When I was in L.A., I just felt like I hated myself.
17:12And so I moved out here.
17:13And now, like, I'll never leave this area.
17:15It's very healing.
17:16It's also a great place to have kids.
17:18Well, y'all gotta find me a man before we talk about that.
17:22The dating pool is good out here.
17:24She found her husband.
17:25Yeah.
17:26I feel like people are very smart here, too.
17:27Is that because of Harvard or, like...
17:28It's extremely educated.
17:29Yeah, I like that.
17:30We have one of, like, the most concentrated pockets of colleges.
17:33And the majority of people go on to seek higher degrees.
17:36Higher education.
17:37I like that a lot.
17:38Yeah.
17:39I feel like Corinne and Sabrina are giving me the Salem sales pitch right now.
17:42And, honestly, it doesn't take a lot to seduce me.
17:45So I need them to be careful.
17:47It sounds like maybe, perhaps, you need to change.
17:49And it doesn't necessarily have to be here, but it could be here.
17:51Yeah.
17:52And if you don't like it, you don't have to stay.
17:54Yeah, that's true.
17:55But maybe you fall in love.
17:56Maybe I fall in love.
17:57Yeah, exactly.
17:58Not to pressure, but also to pressure.
18:00I feel like it could be really good for you.
18:02I do, too.
18:03But you guys are my only friends here, so if I move here, then we have to be a couple.
18:06She was my only friend here.
18:07She still is my only friend here.
18:08I can't move here and then you guys are like, yeah, we're busy.
18:11No.
18:12I just really feel that there's something here.
18:14There's a connection.
18:15And there is.
18:16And there is.
18:17And there is.
18:18We're tethered together.
18:19But we're totally trying to convince Whitney to move here.
18:21We're, like, playing it cool.
18:22Are we playing it cool?
18:23I don't think we're playing it cool.
18:24But we're totally...
18:25You know, the stamp has everything that she would want.
18:27Hunky men.
18:28It has us.
18:29The spirits of the condemned.
18:30It has us.
18:31Again.
18:32What else could you want?
18:34So, like, you've talked about having kids or having a family.
18:37Like, what do you, what do you see that being?
18:41So, the thing is, I've only inseminated once.
18:44And I did it myself and it didn't take, obviously.
18:46Yeah.
18:47The next time I'm going to go to the doctor and have them do it.
18:50Is it all from the same person?
18:51Yeah.
18:52But to me, I feel like I'm at a crossroads, right?
18:53Like, if I have a baby, I'm probably going to stay in Greensboro.
18:55If I can't have a baby, then I'm...
18:57I want something different in life.
18:59I just want to, like, put that to rest.
19:00Yeah.
19:01And move on.
19:02We support you in whatever happens.
19:06We will welcome you whatever happens.
19:08And we want you here selfishly.
19:12I am still very committed to the idea of becoming a mother
19:15because it's something that I've wanted for literally, like, my whole life.
19:18And I think I owe it to myself to see if I can make that a reality
19:23before I make any other big decisions.
19:26Well, I have to go to therapy.
19:28I found the best therapist here, so...
19:29Oh!
19:30And I'll need that recommendation.
19:31You need one when you come here.
19:32I will.
19:33But I love you.
19:34Oh, I love you.
19:35Aw.
19:36Aw.
19:37Aw.
19:38Hi, Sabbath.
19:41Bye, you guys.
19:42Bye.
19:43Bye.
19:44I'll see you later.
19:47I saw you guys come in.
19:50From whom?
19:51I just wanted to say, welcome to Santa.
19:52Oh, from whom?
19:53If you need anything, it's from him.
19:54If you need anything, just let him out of town.
20:00Wait, what just happened?
20:06The witchcraft might be witchcrafting
20:08because I feel like things are starting to brew.
20:12He's wearing a flannel.
20:13He's a New England man, Whitney.
20:15Salem has made it very clear
20:17that it has everything I need in life.
20:19Like, witches, paints, demons, men.
20:22It's just showing off at this point.
20:24I mean, honestly.
20:25It's because I'm around you, you bitch.
20:28You bitch, witch.
20:30You bitch, witch.
20:32You think she would really move up here?
20:34I don't know.
20:35Whitney has vacation goggles on.
20:38And that makes me a little nervous.
20:55Hi.
20:56Hi.
20:57Welcome to Zodiac Tea Room.
20:59While everyone was still at the house sleeping,
21:01I made a super early appointment
21:03to have my tea leaves red,
21:04which is something Corinne and Sabrina said
21:06is, like, imperative to do.
21:08Hello.
21:09It's good to see you again.
21:10Good to see you.
21:11I really liked Leanne, who did the seance.
21:16So if she has any advice or insights to offer me,
21:20especially about finding love, I'm open to it.
21:23Have you ever had a tea leaf reading?
21:24No.
21:25We're going to be looking at abstract shapes
21:28in the cup that are formed by the leaves.
21:31Okay.
21:32It's going to tell you the future
21:34and it's how you interpret the shapes.
21:37Mm-hmm.
21:38But before we do anything,
21:39I would like to do with you a candle
21:41to bring forth love.
21:43Okay.
21:44Right?
21:45This is going to be our candle
21:46and you're going to burn it every day.
21:47But first, you're going to engrave your name in it.
21:49Okay.
21:50My love life is pretty empty.
21:53I have not one man who I could call for anything,
21:57if you know what I mean.
21:58All I have is a tank of sperm that comes to my door.
22:05Stop.
22:06At this point, I can't be picky.
22:08Whatever Leanne is going to do, I'm on board.
22:13Repeat after me.
22:14I, Whitney.
22:15I, Whitney.
22:16Manifest into my life.
22:17Manifest into my life.
22:19Love.
22:20Love.
22:21Friendship.
22:22Friendship.
22:23And sexual attraction.
22:24And sexual attraction.
22:25May my.
22:26May my.
22:27Person.
22:28Person.
22:29Come to me.
22:30Come to me.
22:31Now.
22:32Now.
22:33Light the candle.
22:35Just like love, you have to let that fire burn.
22:39And it's okay to believe with confidence it's coming.
22:44Whenever you're ready, you can start sipping the tea.
22:48The tea.
22:49Okay.
22:50And I want you to think of any question you would like to ask the tea leaf.
22:56Do I have to say it out loud or can I say it in my life?
22:58You can say it private.
22:59Okay.
23:00When I came here, I thought that I would want to ask the tea leaves for clarity, but the more time I spend in Salem, minute by minute, I feel myself growing more confident and more empowered.
23:13So I don't think I need clarity from the tea leaves.
23:16I just think I need encouragement.
23:20When I looked at this, I wanted to know where you could find love.
23:25And over here I saw a mermaid.
23:27See the tail?
23:28Oh, uh-huh.
23:29Okay.
23:30And that's amazing.
23:31That's a little bit of magic coming to your life.
23:33Uh-huh.
23:34I'm thinking by the water.
23:35I see travel, I see loyalty, and I see love.
23:39And it's gonna happen.
23:41Probably between June and July.
23:43All right.
23:44Who am I to question the divination of a cup of tea?
23:49Who am I?
23:50If Leanne says that she sees love is a coming, love is a coming.
23:56This plate is labeled.
23:58Mm.
23:59What section has most of the-
24:00Oh, the romance and the partnerships.
24:02Yes.
24:03Mm-hmm.
24:04It's nice.
24:05See the head and the arms?
24:06It actually looks like a person in there.
24:07Oh, yeah.
24:08It's telling me that you're gonna have space for love.
24:10You're gonna notice it.
24:11Mm-hmm.
24:12And it will be brave enough to approach you.
24:15Mm-hmm.
24:16Okay?
24:17And it's about, are we ready for it?
24:18Are we gonna be open for it?
24:20And I know you have the power to create it.
24:22Okay.
24:23Believe it, magic or not, it just kind of feels like a tool to help you identify what you want and bring it into reality.
24:31This is just reminding me that I have power, my own power, and it's empowering.
24:38You're gonna get out there, you're gonna feel beautiful and wonderful, and your confidence and strength will shine and feed love.
24:44Okay.
24:45Okay.
24:46All right.
24:51Good morning.
24:52Good morning.
24:53Did you and Courtney have a nice sleepover?
24:55I've never cared about a doll, Jessica, but I feel very like...
24:58No, you guys have some weird connection.
25:00I wanna keep Courtney safe.
25:01Oh, definitely.
25:02Did you get any sleep last night?
25:05I did.
25:06I actually slept pretty well.
25:07Yeah.
25:08How'd you sleep?
25:09Um, I didn't.
25:10At all?
25:11I was...
25:12I don't know why that room is so hot.
25:13Mm-hmm.
25:14And I am not ever hot.
25:15Yeah.
25:16Yeah.
25:17But I had to sleep with the window open, and my bed was, like, shaking.
25:20It was, like, askew this morning.
25:22Oh, my God.
25:23Like, it was completely turned over.
25:24That's creepy.
25:25That's how bad my room was shaking.
25:26I was like, am I gonna die here tonight?
25:28My room could not have been any quieter.
25:30In fact, I was like, is this house really well?
25:32It's because Courtney was protecting you.
25:33Aw.
25:34I need to make better friends with the ghosts then, I guess.
25:36Well, I haven't seen Whitney this morning.
25:39Gotta find out how she slept.
25:41I actually haven't really seen Whitney a lot.
25:44I think she's just been really busy with Sabrina and Corinne,
25:48and soaking up Salem, her new friends.
25:52Um, but she seems to be enjoying it here.
25:55I really think she's, like, in love with Salem.
25:57Yeah.
25:58And I'm like, oh, God, she's trying to leave us again.
26:00Well, she can be impulsive.
26:01You know, she's always looking for a place to move.
26:03You know, I don't want her to leave, and I know you don't want her to leave.
26:06Mm-mm.
26:07Like, if her main thing is, like, looking for connection, looking for love,
26:10and she wants to settle down, I think she's pretty much, like, run through it in Greensboro.
26:15Like, all the different things.
26:16It's easy to do in Greensboro.
26:19Do you think she would really move up here, though?
26:21Do you remember when she moved to Charlotte?
26:22She was like, bye, guys, moving to Charlotte.
26:24Yeah.
26:25I was like, okay.
26:26She barely even said bye, guys.
26:27Yeah.
26:28Um, so I don't know.
26:32I could honestly see it going either way.
26:34Yeah.
26:35Whitney has always been, like, really eager to, like, change things up and move on to the next thing.
26:41And now we're in Salem, and I see just, like, how alive she is.
26:45But I also just kind of feel like she has vacation goggles on.
26:50And that makes me a little nervous because it might make her more likely to leave.
26:55Well, Courtney, you want to go to Jessica?
26:59She's got mommy issues.
27:01She just wants you to be her mommy.
27:02Ugh.
27:03She's like, let me untie my shoes so mom can time again for me.
27:05Look, if I didn't think it was the opener to a horror movie.
27:09I know, right?
27:10I'm just kidding, Courtney.
27:12I know you mean no ill ill.
27:13I'm not.
27:14Ill ill.
27:15Ill will.
27:16Ill will, yeah.
27:18Bye, Courtney.
27:19I'll come visit later.
27:21So we're going to start with our plies, as we always do, right?
27:25Oh, boy.
27:26Even when I was thin, I was never thin enough for ballet.
27:29Certainly now, I don't feel like I'm thin enough for ballet.
27:32Oh, uh-oh.
27:33Oh, can you get back up?
27:34Not nicely.
27:35Okay, well.
27:48Up.
27:49Tommy Pot de Bray.
27:50Hi.
27:51Hi.
27:52Come on in.
27:53Come on in.
27:54Have a seat.
27:55The idea of taking a ballet class, honestly, I hate it.
27:59But Ruth from Pineapple Dance Studios in London did encourage me.
28:03And I'm starting off on the wrong foot, so to speak, though,
28:06because I did not bring any ballet shoes.
28:09So, there's that.
28:12Tommy, find your fourth outside pirouette.
28:17I have done my research on this school.
28:20It's inclusive, all body types, all ages.
28:23The instructors here at Swift actually used to dance for the Boston Ballet,
28:26so I'm impressed and incredibly intimidated.
28:29Hi, Whitney.
28:30Hi.
28:31Hi.
28:32Nice to meet you.
28:33Nice to meet you.
28:34Thank you for coming.
28:35Thank you for having me.
28:36Yeah.
28:37Very excited.
28:38You guys, can you come over and meet Whitney?
28:39Hi.
28:40Hi.
28:41So, these are some folks from our studio.
28:44And so, what are you excited about doing today in ballet class?
28:46Well, you know, the idea that dance is for everyone is really important.
28:49I was a dancer when I was younger, and then I stopped dancing for almost 15 years,
28:53just because I kind of thought my body didn't have permission to do it anymore.
28:58Now that I do dance, I always choose not to do ballet.
29:02So, we're really stepping out of our comfort zone here.
29:07Got it.
29:08Yeah.
29:09So, we're going to go for a one-on-one.
29:11I like that.
29:12Excellent.
29:13That way they're not subjected to the horror and the carnage.
29:15Oh, come on, come on.
29:16It's all about finding the love and finding the pleasure.
29:19And we've all had to do that, right, in our own terms.
29:21And so, we're going to try to find it for you.
29:24All right.
29:25I'm nervous, but...
29:26Yeah.
29:27What can you do?
29:28Besides the one beginner class that Ruth gave me at Pineapple in London,
29:31a few months ago, I have not taken ballet in 22 years.
29:36Bye, guys.
29:37See you next time.
29:38Thank you, Sue.
29:39Even when I was thin, I was never thin enough for ballet.
29:42Certainly now, I don't feel like I'm thin enough for ballet,
29:46but that's the whole point of classes here at Magma,
29:48is to make all dance accessible for all people.
29:51So, I'm going to go into this with a positive attitude.
29:55So, we're going to start with our plies, as we always do, right?
29:57Oh, boy.
29:58Remember?
29:59All right.
30:00We're not doing...
30:01Are we doing a...
30:02We're just...
30:03We're doing a demi-plie.
30:04We're not going to grand, are we?
30:05Not yet.
30:06So, we take our demi-plie.
30:07Beautiful.
30:08And we stretch.
30:09We're just trying to find that rhythm and find that breath.
30:11Then, we're going to try our grand plie.
30:13Okay?
30:14So, remember.
30:15Now, grand plie at this age or whatever...
30:19And I'm speaking...
30:20It's more of an idea.
30:21Yeah.
30:22It's more of a suggestion.
30:23We go as low as we can.
30:24So, what you're going to do for your grand plie is you're just going to lift those heels off.
30:28And when you feel like you can't hold the center anymore, you're going to come right back up.
30:32Let's give it a try.
30:33Okay.
30:34So, we start with the demi.
30:35And then you just let those heels come off.
30:37Yep.
30:38And then you come back.
30:39Oh, uh-oh.
30:40Oh, you did it!
30:41Can you get back up?
30:42Not nicely.
30:43Okay.
30:44Well, see if you can kind of feel like right under the pelvic floor.
30:47It's always hard when you stop.
30:48Now that I've been down here for this long...
30:49Yeah, yeah.
30:50Come on up.
30:51Yeah, take your time.
30:53Feel like when you still have it in your quads to push back up.
30:56Okay, let's see.
30:57I mean, I may not get very far.
30:58Yeah.
30:59Yeah, it's okay.
31:02Ooh, that might be it.
31:03Ooh, Lord, I'm taking the bar off the ground.
31:05Okay, that might be it.
31:06You're good.
31:07And that's great.
31:08With Whitney, there's a lot of insecurity there.
31:10As a dancer working with a lot of weight, walking in the door can feel really intimidating,
31:15but you need to meet your body where it is every day.
31:18We're going to do three times plié, relevé.
31:20Plié to push.
31:21Plié to push.
31:22Make it light.
31:23Plié to push.
31:24And plié and stretch.
31:25Gorgeous.
31:26And then we do our other side.
31:27And then we're going to keep the music going and just do the exact same thing with the brush.
31:31Degagé.
31:32Degagé.
31:33Exactly.
31:34See, now you remember that vocabulary.
31:36I started taking ballet when I was like three or four.
31:39I started with ballet, tap, and jazz, and I continued, you know, really learning all disciplines
31:44the whole way through high school.
31:45But when I got to college and I started gaining weight immediately, I actually failed out of
31:50my dance class because I didn't show up.
31:54I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror.
31:56That was a big surprise to everyone that Whitney got a big fat F in a dance class.
32:01Tombe pas de bourrée, tombe pas de bourrée, chenée turn, and pose.
32:10That's rich.
32:11I'm not going to, I'm just going to just try to do it.
32:13I'm not going to psych myself out.
32:14Good.
32:15Give it a try.
32:20You ready?
32:21Okay.
32:22Oh, I can't do it.
32:23No, I really can't.
32:24It also doesn't help in bare feet because you're sticking to the floor probably.
32:27No, it doesn't.
32:28Yeah.
32:29Not with all this weight on.
32:30Lord.
32:31Okay.
32:32I remember all of these steps.
32:34I remember how to execute it, but it gets lost in translation in this body.
32:38It's harder to feel like I should be able to do this and I can't.
32:43Ready?
32:44Uh-huh.
32:45Oh, boy.
32:46Yeah.
32:47That's it.
32:48Oh, boy.
32:49You want to try it with the music one last time?
32:50Yeah.
32:51Yeah.
32:52Yep.
32:53Go for it.
32:54Yes.
32:55That felt better.
32:56Yeah.
32:57A lot better.
32:58Okay.
32:59A lot better.
33:00Because I am now in a small room, I'm going to try it with the music one last time.
33:05Yeah.
33:06Go for it.
33:07Yes.
33:08That felt better.
33:09Yeah.
33:10A lot better.
33:11Okay.
33:12A lot better.
33:13Because I am now in a smaller body, which I know might be laughable to some people,
33:18but this is a smaller body for me, it feels weird sometimes.
33:21Like, I haven't had to check to see if I can fit in a booth or a chair in, like, two years.
33:28But it's still disorienting.
33:30I want to be in my body.
33:32The only way that I have found to accomplish that is through movement, through dance.
33:37I'm sorry, but you're looking pretty awesome here.
33:40I don't know why you're so shy about your abilities, because you look great.
33:45Let's do it again.
33:46Sarah is obviously an excellent ballet instructor, right?
33:50She knows ballet, but she knows something else.
33:52It's that dance is accessible to every person, every person and everybody.
34:03And you do not need permission.
34:07That's scary.
34:08Yeah.
34:09But you looked great.
34:10It was fun.
34:11Good.
34:12I'm glad it was fun.
34:13I did like it.
34:14Okay.
34:15Yeah.
34:16There's no doubt that with a few more classes under her belt that she would not feel as apologetic about what she could or couldn't do.
34:26I think people are held back by their own insecurities about their bodies.
34:30Whitney can see that this is a welcoming place.
34:33You know, and this is one of the things that, like, is hard for people when they're coming back to dance from whatever.
34:38Mm-hmm.
34:39Is you come back and you have this memory of where your body...
34:41Where you used to be.
34:42Yes.
34:43Yep.
34:44And it's very confronting.
34:45Your leg used to be at 90, and now it's down there.
34:47You really are like, yeah, well, that's that much difference, you know?
34:50Well, I've lost, I think maybe about 115 or 120 pounds, but I'm rediscovering a little bit of freedom in my body that I haven't had in a while.
35:04But I'm really interested in getting back into my body because even though I know, obviously, I'm still very fat, but for me, there are just, like, things about my body that are so weird to me now because it's smaller.
35:16I want to feel more.
35:17I want to be in my body.
35:18Yeah.
35:19I don't feel like I'm in my body.
35:20I'm just so curious about, like, so we do residencies here at Magma, and I feel like, wouldn't it be cool to, like, get you in the room with some, like, body workers and some sports psychologists?
35:33Mm-hmm.
35:34Wouldn't that be awesome?
35:35Yes, that would be absolutely awesome.
35:37Yeah.
35:38When do you do that?
35:39Summer residencies, yeah, yeah, where we could just, like, get a really cool team of people together.
35:44That would be amazing.
35:45And it's funny.
35:46I went to this psychic in Salem, and she actually told me that, like, big changes were happening in the summer and that I needed to be by the water.
35:53So I was like, what?
35:55What?
35:56A summer residency.
35:58This feels very serendipitous.
36:01Sarah is the second person to mention the summer to me.
36:05And now Sarah is bringing up the possibility of maybe a summer residency.
36:10I don't know, is it a coincidence or is it just, like, divine alignment?
36:14Let's be in touch.
36:15Of course, yes, absolutely.
36:16Awesome.
36:17Thank you so much.
36:18Yeah.
36:19Whose idea was this?
36:20Let there be light!
36:22We are about to perform a magic ritual.
36:26Da-da, da-da, and it's up, and it's down.
36:29And most importantly, not trying to freeze our tits off.
36:32Oh, Lord.
36:53Whose idea was this?
36:55Uh...
36:56We forgot to mention that witchy does involve going outside at night in cold weather.
37:01This is our last night in Salem, and we are about to perform a magic ritual underneath the waxing gibbous moon.
37:09It's a time of reflecting, preparing for what's next, and most importantly, not trying to freeze our tits off.
37:15All right, on three, you want to say, let there be light?
37:18Yes.
37:19Okay, one, two, three.
37:20Let there be light!
37:22Let there be a lot of light!
37:24Heat!
37:25Let there be heat!
37:26Oh, here we go.
37:28That's what I'm talking about.
37:30My lips are freezing!
37:32It's the slit in the dress every time the wind catches it, right?
37:36Okay, well, aside from the cold, tonight is a waxing gibbous moon, and a fire is supposed to help represent new life and rebirth.
37:47Yes.
37:48And that waxing gibbous moon is a time where you look at your life and, like, look at what you've been working on.
37:53And see what a dumpster fire it is.
37:55And you get rid of what isn't working.
37:57Okay.
37:58You throw it in the fire.
37:59I'm feeling the spirit move me.
38:01Everybody, let's drop our coats!
38:05Oh!
38:06I mean, it's our last night in Salem.
38:09Who doesn't want to run around a bonfire?
38:12I'd say naked, but in beautiful, flowy, white dresses, holding hands, cackling like witches.
38:18All right, everybody, come, blink like this.
38:23It might be a little bit hokey, but that is exactly what we were going for because it just contributes to, like, the sisterhood energy and feeling in tune and tapped in and just able to give a huge release to the fire, to the ocean.
38:38To the universe.
38:39To the universe.
38:40To the universe.
38:41Okay, what we're going to do, you're going to step left.
38:46You're going to cross right.
38:47You're going to step left.
38:48Okay.
38:49Behind right.
38:50It's karaoke.
38:51Da-da, da-da.
38:52And it's up.
38:53And it's down.
38:54And it's up.
38:55And it's down.
38:56And Ashley undulate.
38:57And it's up.
38:58And it's down.
38:59Are we going the other way?
39:00I think there are lots of things I'll take away from this trip to Salem.
39:03And slow.
39:04One, I really enjoyed the girls' trip aspect.
39:07Oh, my God.
39:08And now we danced.
39:09And now we danced.
39:10Two, is seeing Whitney, like, happy again?
39:17Like, old Whitney.
39:18It's been a long time since I've seen this Whitney.
39:22Let's all go around and say one word or one thing in our life that we want to get rid of and what we want to welcome in, in place of that.
39:31Okay, Miss Ashley.
39:33Um, I am releasing negativity and welcoming appreciation.
39:38Yes, ma'am.
39:39I would like to release pain and accept in love.
39:46Beautiful.
39:48Okay.
39:49I'm getting a big one because I need this to come true.
39:53I would like to release insecurity and I would like to welcome in power.
39:59Yes, baby.
40:01Isaiah and I have been trying to conceive almost three years now.
40:05You feel like you're doing everything right and it doesn't work out.
40:10It's easy to be scared and to be angry and to feel sorry for yourself.
40:14So, right now I'm just trying to channel that energy, get myself healthier mentally, um, before it makes sense to try to conceive again.
40:24Whitney?
40:25Okay.
40:26Okay.
40:27I would like to release fear and invite connection.
40:36Hmm.
40:37I love that Whitney.
40:39Since I turned 40, I just have a real realization of time is passing and it does feel like it's passing a lot faster.
40:47I don't want to spend my life sitting alone in my house.
40:53I want something more for me.
40:56I want connection to people.
41:02Here's to new friendships, releasing the old, enticing and welcoming the new.
41:09I love that.
41:10Cuddle coven forever.
41:12I love you guys so much.
41:13One, two, three.
41:14Cuddle coven wisdom!
41:17This trip has really just affirmed that I have a lot of love inside of me.
41:22I have a lot of creativity inside of me.
41:24I have a lot of life, a lot of ideas, a lot of energy.
41:29And I have nowhere to put it in Greensboro.
41:31It's like I'm running into a brick wall.
41:33And I know that there are more people in life for me to meet and more connections to be made and more love and happiness to experience.
41:41That was so fun!
41:45Woo!
41:46Cuddles!
41:48Make a run for it.
41:49Your womb is not supposed to be cold on insemination day.
41:52Next time on My Big Fat Fabulous Life.
41:54To say that I'm stressed about this doctor's visit for my second insemination would definitely be an understatement.
42:00Oh God!
42:01Don't be nervous!
42:02You got this!
42:03My heart is beating out of my chest.
42:06I'm so excited and scared all at the same time.
42:09Did I tell you about my Belle?
42:12My friend from England.
42:13Welcome to downtown Greensboro.
42:15This is a city, right?
42:16This is a city.
42:17It looks more like a big town.
42:18I've always said that Greensboro is like a nice place to raise a family.
42:21However, as a single 40-year-old woman, it's not really the vibe for me.
42:25You need to get out of here like now.
42:27You need to get out of here like now.
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