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00:00When I first got hurt, I wanted nothing to do with the disability community.
00:05Today, we're going to show you the importance of having real friends.
00:30I'm here with my friends, Jesse and Hannah.
00:46Today, we're going to roll around on the beltline while Hannah's going to be crutching around,
00:49and we're going to be showing you guys some really cool tips and tricks
00:52why it's important to have other friends that are going through what you're going through.
00:56Little did I know, when I first got hurt, that if you have other friends that are going through what you're going through,
01:01you actually double your life expectancy.
01:03You get to live twice as long if you have friends that are also in wheelchairs or have spinal cord injuries just like you.
01:09What's just that person?
01:11No, what one?
01:12They're staring at us.
01:13I mean, I really care about what other people think about me.
01:15I know in the beginning I really did, but it's like the more I care about what they think about me,
01:19the less I get to do what I want to do.
01:21Yeah, why are you even outside anyway if you're so concerned about what other people think?
01:25Yeah, you're absolutely right. As long as we don't put value in what other people think about us,
01:29it won't hold any weight over what we think of us.
01:32And so it's a matter of what we see in the mirror rather than what other people see, right?
01:36That's really important. I know for me in the beginning, I removed all the mirrors out of my bedroom
01:42because I didn't want to see me because I thought I was so gross and so ugly and not worthy.
01:47And so I immediately projected that mentality onto everyone else.
01:51I thought if someone looked at me, they were looking at me the same way that I looked at me.
01:56And that's a really bad place to be. I don't know if you guys have ever experienced that.
01:59Absolutely. When I was first injured, I thought everybody just saw me for my disability.
02:03But in reality, people that truly care about you, they're going to see you as a person.
02:07Your disability is not even going to be a factor.
02:09Have you found any troubles with the general public?
02:12You know, the people that just come up to you and start asking questions like when they're not supposed to?
02:16Because it's such a personal question. I mean, I'm not coming up to you and asking why you're 15 pounds overweight.
02:21So why are you coming up to me and making me go so deep into my past and relive such a traumatic experience
02:28when I'm just trying to go grocery shopping?
02:31Or even asking a question as personal as, can you have sex?
02:35You know, no. The doctor sewed it up and called it a lost cause because I couldn't feel it anyways.
02:40The nerves are just a little messed up, but you still have sex.
02:44There's still a hole there.
02:45Absolutely. And you put a good spin on it. You put humor.
02:48What did you say you had earlier, Hannah? Someone said, hey, why are you on crutches? And what did you say?
02:51Oh, it's just the hiccups.
02:53Yeah, so you can just have fun with it. I know people always say, what happened to me?
02:56And I go, I don't know. What happened to you?
02:58Like, you just have to just bounce it back.
03:02I mean, obviously it depends on the person, the place and the time.
03:05But like, if I'm in line at the grocery store, just leave me alone.
03:07But if I'm sitting on the belt line holding a sign that says, ask me anything,
03:10then that's an acceptable time to ask me those questions.
03:13One time this guy with a bloody eye, he asked me what happened.
03:16And then I said, what happened to your eye?
03:21I felt like after I got injured, I always maybe had to prove my strength to other people.
03:26So that was also a lot of people offering me help and I would get offended or people giving up their seats for me on the train.
03:33I would get offended and say, no, like, do I look like I need to sit?
03:36But at the end of the day, like, just because I take that seat or just because somebody's lending me that hand doesn't mean I can't do it.
03:43I don't have to prove to anybody my own strength if I know I'm strong.
03:47You know, that point is something that I feel like people like Jessie and I in the beginning get the most when it comes to physical therapy.
03:52Honestly, I never wanted to do a PT, but it was mainly like my friends and my family that were like, we're praying for you.
03:58We believe in you.
03:59Yes.
04:00You go get it.
04:01Like, let me donate money to your cause.
04:02Good job.
04:03I bumped into someone I hadn't seen in two or three years.
04:06And she goes, hey, you still walking?
04:07And I'm like, no.
04:09Yes.
04:10What?
04:11Like, I was like, what is it?
04:12How's your recovery coming?
04:13She's just wanting to make sure how everything's going.
04:14People have these expectations like, is it going to get better yet?
04:18Or how much longer are you going to be in these things?
04:20And then you hold yourself for that.
04:21And that's sad because you know that it's a long haul.
04:24And you have to face, you know, your own personal truth.
04:28And it sucks because people are pointing that out.
04:31But as long as you know where you stand and as long as you know your own abilities, who cares?
04:38And instead of being insulted or offended, use this opportunity to educate people and show them that anything is possible.
04:47Even for themselves, everybody has limitations no matter what.
04:50In the beginning, all those comments really got to me.
04:53And I took it away personally.
04:54And I stopped wanting to go out.
04:56But then you make whale friends who understand exactly what you're going through.
05:00And it's a support system that's like, hey, I get those same questions.
05:04And I'm still living life.
05:06You can too.
05:07Yeah, it's a matter of really like saying like, who cares?
05:09Like, who cares what other people think about me?
05:11Like, I'm me.
05:12I'm doing my thing.
05:13If they want to point, if they want to stare, if they want to whisper, okay.
05:17What they think about me is none of my business.
05:19Regardless of what people think, the world's still turning and life's still moving.
05:22So we have to too.
05:35Sometimes you'll find yourself in obstacles that you weren't expecting.
05:38So for example, we're on a path right here, the ends.
05:41And we're trying to get a path over there.
05:43This is some bigger, thicker gravel.
05:45I got tiny casters.
05:47Jesse and I are going to show you how we get across.
05:49So how about Jesse, you go first and I'll follow you.
05:51If you can have a good enough wheelie, which is why it's important to get a good wheelie,
05:57you can take the little wheels off the ground.
05:59All right, so I'm going to show you the wrong way to do it.
06:01The little tiny wheels get stuck.
06:04It's really hard to push.
06:06See, I'm stuck spinning right now.
06:08You just have to practice wheelies all the time to get good at it.
06:11Yeah, you got to hold the wheelie at first.
06:13It's just simple.
06:14Hold the wheelie.
06:15Once you get good at that, you can then start moving around while in the wheelie by going a little
06:20bit forward and going a little bit backward.
06:22And then eventually you get good enough where you can just get in a wheelie all the time
06:26and 360.
06:28Oops.
06:29And just keep rolling around.
06:31And bumper cars.
06:33I have to make sure that I'm putting all my body weight towards the center of the tips.
06:38And I have to go a little bit slower.
06:41If I go too fast, then this thing could skid and I could fall.
06:47So, carry myself towards the center of each step.
06:57As a person with a spinal cord injury, the bathroom is kind of something we never really
07:00want to talk about.
07:02I use catheters.
07:03I use a female catheter.
07:04It's six inches long.
07:05So, I want to show you guys how I transfer the toilet and how I put my legs because I
07:10do have indoor plumbing.
07:11So, to open the door, I kind of get momentum to pull it so it's like that.
07:17Then, you want to use the door to push yourself and hold it open.
07:23Push through so you're not dragging against the door.
07:26When I go to the toilet, I pull up to it kind of straight on and make sure to get everything
07:32from beside my side guards because it will follow you out of the chair.
07:36I scoot to the edge of my chair, use the scrap bar for support as I pull my legs off, put
07:41my hand here, turn my body away from my butt, and move my butt to the toilet.
07:48So, I take my legs and I put them up on my chair like this.
07:52And then, it really opens everything up so I can see what I'm cathing.
07:57In the back of my chair, I have this little pouch.
08:00And in the pouch, I keep catheters and I also keep a spare pull up.
08:05I do wear pull ups 24-7.
08:08It's way easier to change this wet pull up than it is to change my entire outfit and my
08:13cushion cover if I have an accident.
08:15So, as a person with a busy schedule trying to get stuff done, this is really key to saving
08:21time and living life to the fullest.
08:23I don't like when the door drags against my push rim, so I really try to keep it open.
08:28The key is pushing it and trying to get yourself through.
08:31So, using your one arm to move it, you'll use your caster to kind of hold it open and
08:36push out.
08:37With a spinal cord injury, there are many different ways you can pee.
08:41Originally, I was taught how to use a catheter, but then I figured out that I can pee on my
08:46own, just in my own way.
08:48Let's check it out.
08:49I just put one crutch here on the side, one crutch there.
08:54I pull my panties down and then I just go into like a downward dog position or squat.
08:59This just allows that the urine to tilt so that I don't have to push as hard.
09:04Make sure that there's space so that I don't pee on my dress.
09:07I just and I just squeeze it out and it just comes out when I push with my ab muscles.
09:14It's a little bit tiring, but the more you do it, the more you get used to it, the more
09:17natural it feels.
09:18This door is really heavy, so I will show you my technique.
09:22I will take my right leg and I'll kick the door and then I'll catch it with my crutch.
09:27Sometimes you gotta like elbow it a little bit if it's super heavy and then I'm outside.
09:32In the beginning, talking about stuff like this with your able-bodied friends can be
09:36really weird, but when you're around your wheelie friends, it's totally normal.
09:39Like for example, the fact that we can talk about catheters and weird ways to sit on the
09:43toilet is not an average conversation you have.
09:45I know in a video that you guys have seen before, I'll link it up here, I talk about
09:49what's inside my bag and the my system that I have for using the restroom as well.
09:54Sometimes when you're out with your friends, you experience some obstacles that you're not
09:57expecting.
09:58We're about to go show you how we go down grass hills.
10:00You know guys, I'm already in a wheelchair, I'm not gonna do this.
10:04Okay, no problem, you're gonna go find a different route?
10:06Yeah, I'll see you later.
10:07Alright, so Hannah and I are gonna show you how we go down this hill.
10:11If I go straight downhill like this, I hit one bump and I'm shot out of my chair.
10:16So I kick up in a wheelie and I grip real tight on my wheels and just slowly hold onto them
10:22as they slip through my hands until I'm at the bottom.
10:25I just hop down the hill like a bunny.
10:27Alright, we made it to the bottom of the hill and now we've encountered a staircase.
10:35I'm really nervous to do stairs.
10:36Richard, could you please show me?
10:38Yeah, let me get up there first.
10:39Since I'm semi-ambulatory, like you guys know, this is how I like to do it.
10:43I'll grab onto the railing here and I will bring my chair up with me.
10:48I'll walk it up and I almost use the chair as a crutch because I can put it on the step and lean on it.
11:00And that's how I get up the stairs.
11:02So I have two days of going up the stairs.
11:05If there is a railing, I will take my left crutch and I will hold it like a T-shape, like a cross.
11:11So I'm using this crutch in the right side and then I'm using the railing as a crutch on my left side.
11:16Since right now I can't go on my right foot, I'll just sort of hop up with my left foot.
11:22And use the railing to pull myself up.
11:26There's no railing.
11:28I will just push myself up the stairs with both the crutches.
11:34Alright, Jesse, I'm going to show you how to do it.
11:37Make sure I've got a good grip on the hand railing and I lean real far forward.
11:41And I use my right hand to keep this steady the whole way.
11:45And not aggressively dropping, stay gripped on here and kind of push-pull at the exact same time.
11:54Alright, so since I'm back at the bottom of the stairs again, I'm going to show a different way that you can get up the stairs if you can't stand like I can.
12:03First thing you want to do is transfer onto the first step or the second step, whichever one you can transfer to.
12:08And then you just bring your chair up as far as it can go.
12:12Bring your foot, bring your foot, transfer, foot, foot, transfer.
12:18So you can reach your chair again, pull it up, pull it up, pull it up.
12:21Lock it in place, foot, foot, transfer.
12:25Not the best way in the world, but if it's your only option, then it's your only option.
12:31And then you also get to see my floor transfer right now.
12:35I like to get my leg tucked up as far as it can go.
12:38Then I get my hands on these little bars right here.
12:41Climb my way up into the chair.
12:45The floor transfer is really important to master because the only thing that you're scared of is being able to get back into your chair.
12:52So if you can eliminate the fear of falling, you open up a whole new world of possibilities.
12:58As soon as I learned the floor transfer, when I would fall out of my chair, I was able to get back in and I didn't have to wait hours for somebody to get home and get me back in my chair.
13:07Getting down is super easy.
13:09You take your legs off your foot plate and just slide right down.
13:12Make sure it's a controlled slide so that way you don't hurt your butt on the way down.
13:15Oh no, I'm on the floor. Help me.
13:19I take my legs. I put them against my chair and then I take my knees and kind of put them over top of my ankles.
13:26So that way there's a little bit of pressure. I put my chest into my knees and I kind of bounce for a second.
13:33And then it's like a push-pull motion. So I'm pushing down on my legs, chest into my knees and I pull my chair underneath me.
13:44A lot of the time when I'm crutching outside doing long distance races on a slippery surface or maybe somebody dropped a cup or maybe there's some garbage or some plastic that I don't see right away.
13:55So I'm going to show you how I fall and I'm going to show you how I get up from it.
13:58Let's just say I'm crutching. Oh my god, it's so slippery. Ah!
14:03My knees hurt. What I do is I don't panic. I get up on my knees first. I stamp both crutches into the ground and then I pull myself up.
14:14I don't need to lose the cuffs at all.
14:17So one of the most therapeutic things you can do as a person with a disability is find support groups and networks that you can complain about your problems to.
14:32Everyday folks like your friends and family are really not going to understand.
14:36But if you're frustrated and annoyed at obnoxious things that only you deal with on a daily basis, like peeing on yourself or not being able to find handicap parking or pain problems.
14:47Jesse, you said in the beginning that you got involved with online communities.
14:51The Spinal Cord Injury Support USA, there's about 11,000 members in it.
14:55For women, I actually run a support group called The Wheel Woman Hole and it's all wheelchair disabilities or spinal cord injuries.
15:01Hannah could be a part of the group as well. I'm at a point in my injury that I have more disabled friends than I do people without issues that we have.
15:08I know that in the beginning that was something that I didn't want to be a part of.
15:12And I went down this really awful path that led me into addiction and depression and attempts at suicide.
15:18And it's a really awful thing to be in that situation.
15:21And I think it was primarily because I remember telling people, you don't understand. You don't know what it's like.
15:26You can't say you don't know what it's like because they do. We know what it's like.
15:30Exactly.
15:31You can't say, oh man, I was out with some friends. I was having a good time and then I shit my pants and I got stuck in the bathroom for two hours because I had to clean myself up.
15:37And that was the most annoying thing ever. And I can't believe it. And oh, poor is me.
15:40And it's like, oh, well, sorry that happened to you. But other individuals with a spinal cord injury would be like, dude, let me tell you about the time I pooped my pants too.
15:47That was crazy. It was all on my back. I got it in my car.
15:51You make light of really difficult topics.
15:53Exactly. And there's nothing like having that support, being able to FaceTime somebody that you met in the support group and say,
15:59you're not going to believe what happened to me today. I just crapped myself.
16:03And then I did it again right after I got cleaned up. And then I fell out of my wheelchair.
16:07And like your day doesn't seem as bad when you have somebody that's like, girl, I know exactly what you're going through.
16:13Hannah, what are some groups or individuals or people that you found in the community?
16:17Wheels to walking. Life challenge group at Mount Sinai Hospital. We're going on a skydiving trip together.
16:24We went skiing together. We do rock climbing together.
16:27And it's nice to be just surrounded with beautiful community where we all have our own struggles, our own limitations,
16:34but we don't let those limitations define us.
16:38I found adaptive sports is a really great way to make friends and build community.
16:42And you don't have to be competitive. You could just go play for fun. It's a good way to stay fit,
16:47a good way to stay active and a good way to get to know members of your community dealing with things you're dealing with.
16:52I agree with that. I found the most helpful part was traveling with other individuals that had disabilities.
16:58You're staying in the same hotels. You're usually eating the same kind of foods.
17:01Everyone's dealing with their own kind of stuff. So you get to learn the little intimacies and the tips and the tricks.
17:05Another thing that I think is really important is to remember that online is a great place, but in person is even better.
17:12Even people on the street, in a grocery store, in a parking lot, like some people are approachable and some people are not.
17:18Let's not forget that not everyone wants to be talked to. I know in the beginning I was one of those people that I was like,
17:22Oh, great. Well, here comes a wheelchair guy coming to talk to me, even though I was also a wheelchair user at the same time.
17:27But you can definitely go up to people, strike up a conversation, talk to them, maybe exchange social medias and then just get on.
17:33Because we have a secret bond, an unspoken bond, because although our experience all may be different,
17:39they're very much the same in the sense of the problems and the challenges with difficulties we deal with in our own interpersonal lives and society as a whole.
17:47I met Hannah on Instagram. Hannah went to one of Jessie's meetups and now we're all three here together shooting a video.
17:52Before joining support groups and meeting others with disabilities, I had to find myself and I didn't want to be held back by other people's limitations.
18:04I didn't want other people to put limitations on me based off of what they think or based off what they do.
18:12I think these were all things like I had to figure out for myself first.
18:16And once I had a finer understanding of who I am, what I'm capable of, that's when I could go back and give to the community.
18:24And, you know, work on things that I haven't solved yet, such as going to the bathroom, solving UTI problems.
18:31It's just really nice to have my friends.
18:34Where can everyone find you online?
18:35So you can find me at Jessie Strawham. Instagram, Facebook, I have a website that's jessiestrawham.com and YouTube.
18:42You can find me on Instagram at hgavius.
18:45If you enjoyed this video, please sure to leave a like and leave a comment down below about what tip you found the most helpful for you in your life.
18:52If you're interested in what's going on here at Wheelstone Walking, Andrew and I have a little podcast that goes on behind the scenes.
18:57That'll be linked down below on Patreon.
18:59Thank you so much for watching.
19:00Be sure to subscribe and we'll catch you in the next one.
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