- hace 4 meses
While attending the funeral of the latest CONTROL Agent who was mysteriously killed, Max, 99, and The Chief are shocked to find a carved headstone with Max's name on it. It is believed that Adrian Listenger, a CONTROL spy school dropout, is taking his revenge by systematically killing off agents who got him expelled — and his hit list includes both Max and the Chief. Guest star Pat Paulsen as "Ace Weems/Adrian Listenger".
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00:30All right, Larrabee, you and the others can go back to headquarters now.
00:39Right, Chief.
00:54Where have you two been?
00:55The mask got lost when we followed the wrong funeral, Chief.
00:58Where's Randolph?
01:00This is nothing compared to the funeral we just came from.
01:06How did Randolph die, Chief?
01:08A strange accident, Max.
01:10What was strange about it?
01:11Randolph was discovered in his bathtub, drowned.
01:15Well, there's nothing strange about that.
01:16A lot of people drown while they're taking a bath.
01:19Randolph was taking a shower.
01:21And take Agent Willoughby.
01:22You certainly couldn't say he died in a normal manner.
01:24I thought Willoughby fell out of a plane.
01:26He did.
01:27The plane hadn't left the ground yet.
01:29You see, Max, even though Willoughby died from a fall from a plane, he only fell ten feet.
01:34Explain that if you can.
01:35How tall was Willoughby?
01:38What's that got to do with it?
01:39Well, it has a lot to do with it.
01:41If Willoughby was short, say, three feet seven, then ten feet would be a lot longer to fall than if he was six feet four, give or take a foot.
01:49Then Willoughby's hide it from the fall.
01:51If that's enough, come the fall.
01:54At any rate, I don't like what's going on.
01:56You'd almost think somebody had a vendetta going against control agents.
01:59Have you ever considered the possibility that this whole thing might be a coincidence, Chief?
02:03Max is right, Chief.
02:05Even though two agents have met with bizarre accidents, it could be a coincidence.
02:09I suppose there is a possibility.
02:11On the other hand, I don't think so, Chief.
02:13Why do you say that?
02:15Look.
03:55Control agents.
03:56Mr. Weems is expecting you.
03:57Mr. Weems?
04:01Mr. Weems?
04:13Oh, be right back.
04:15Boy, oh boy.
04:17Sunbathers on the roof?
04:20No, this is for viewing color slides.
04:22My wife just got back from the Grand Canyon.
04:24I wish she'd have fallen in.
04:27We're from control.
04:28I'm the chief, and this is Maxwell Smart.
04:30Sit down, gentlemen.
04:33Now, according to your message,
04:36you have information pertinent to the death of Control Agent Randolph.
04:39Yes, I do.
04:52My wife likes me to have a little snack before I go to work.
04:55She thinks I'm skinny.
04:57Care for a hard-boiled egg?
05:00How about a Remus Fizz?
05:13Mr. Weems, if we could get to the matter at hand.
05:16Yes, of course.
05:18Let's get it.
05:19Let's get it.
05:19Let's get it.
05:24Alice.
05:26Tarpaulin Insurance had a $50,000 insurance policy on Agent Randolph.
05:31Now, do you know what that means to me?
05:32A trip to Hawaii?
05:34It means a thorough investigation.
05:37Done a trip to Hawaii after that.
05:38Are you suggesting that Agent Randolph was murdered for his insurance money?
05:43Yes.
05:43Are you suggesting that Agent Randolph was murdered for his insurance money?
05:49No.
05:49No, he's not suggesting, Max.
05:51And I'll tell you why.
05:53I know Max.
05:54He's going to tell us why.
05:56Agent Randolph was raised by an orphanage in Bayonne, New Jersey.
06:00He made that orphanage his beneficiary.
06:02Of course.
06:07Some rotten kid in that orphanage murdered him for his money.
06:13No, he wasn't murdered by anybody from the orphanage, but he was murdered.
06:17How can you be so positive?
06:19Yes, how can you be so positive?
06:25Either of you recognize this?
06:26Well, for crying out loud.
06:31This is the baseball team I coached when I was an instructor at the control training school.
06:34Well, for heaven's sake.
06:36Which one is you, Chief?
06:37Right there.
06:38Oh, the one with the black baseball cap on.
06:40That's not a black baseball cap.
06:41That's my hair.
06:42Oh, really?
06:43How come it's got an initial on it?
06:45And who's the good-looking guy standing next to you?
06:47I don't see any good-looking guy standing next to me.
06:50That's me, Chief.
06:51And there's Willoughby and Carmichael.
06:53And poor old Randolph.
06:54And Forster and Kincaid and Lynch and Lissinger.
06:58You're right.
06:59Where'd you get this picture?
07:00Among Randolph's effects.
07:01I believe he was murdered because of that photograph.
07:04What do you think?
07:06Well, Chief, I would have used a wider lens, but I don't see...
07:09Max, Randolph didn't take that picture.
07:11Randolph didn't take that picture?
07:13Who did?
07:14It doesn't matter who did, Mr. Smart.
07:16The point is, Randolph was killed because he was in that picture.
07:19As a matter of fact, six of those mined men have already been murdered.
07:22You see?
07:23Mm-hmm.
07:23You see?
07:24Max, he's right.
07:25Willoughby, Carmichael, Randolph.
07:27All those men are dead.
07:28Except three.
07:30Yourself, Mr. Smart, and Adrian Lissinger.
07:34Lissinger is the only man on that baseball team who failed to become a control agent.
07:38Yeah, but he succeeded in becoming something else.
07:41What was that?
07:42Really great murderer.
07:44Really a top-notch murderer.
07:49One of the great murders of all time.
07:51It was not an ordinary murder.
07:53It was a murderer's murderer, I would say.
07:56You know, not one you'd meet every day at the store.
08:07Max, it just sounds so incredible.
08:09What does?
08:10The story about Adrian Lissinger.
08:11The story about Adrian Lissinger.
08:12Yes.
08:13Well, that's Ace Weems' theory.
08:14You see, Lissinger was caught cheating on his final exams and was discharged from the control academy.
08:19He swore to get even with everybody.
08:21But why?
08:22Well, one of the men on the team turned him in.
08:24Which one?
08:24We never found that out, 99.
08:26Whoever it was refused to step forward and admit it.
08:28So in order to get revenge on one man, he's going to kill you all?
08:31Yes, and all in vain.
08:32He never would have passed the examination anyway.
08:34How do you know?
08:34He was copying off my paper.
08:37Max, this must explain your name on the tombstone.
08:40He probably put it there to warn you that your turn's next.
08:44Oh, Max, I'm scared.
08:46There, there, 99.
08:47There's nothing to be frightened about.
08:48You know who's out looking for him?
08:49Who?
08:49The FBI, the CIA, Interpol, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and Mrs. Lissinger.
08:55Mrs. Lissinger?
08:56Yes, he owes her back alimony.
08:58I hope they get him before she does.
08:59She'll kill him.
09:00Max, how can you be so casual?
09:02You've been marked for death.
09:0499, I've been in tough spots like this before time and time again.
09:07I just learned to live with it.
09:12Luke, that was someone at the door.
09:14You may have killed them.
09:18Who is it?
09:22Who was it?
09:23It's the chief.
09:24Is it safe?
09:30Oh, come on in, chief.
09:32I'm awfully sorry.
09:33I guess I'm a little jumpy.
09:34That's quite all right, Max.
09:35I know exactly how you feel.
09:36Don't forget, Lissinger is after me, too.
09:37About a half an hour ago, somebody rang my doorbell,
09:40and I reacted exactly the same way you did.
09:42What brings you here, chief?
09:44I just received this telegram.
09:46Ace Weems is at the Senator Hotel,
09:47and he wants us to meet him there as soon as possible.
09:49Let's go.
09:50Where's the Senator Hotel, chief?
09:51Well, right in downtown Washington.
09:53Weems got hold of the hotel registry,
09:55and I'll give you two guesses as to who is registered there.
09:59I'll be back in a little while, aren't you, Don?
10:01Two guesses, eh?
10:02The vice president?
10:04Adrian Lissinger.
10:05Why did you tell me before I still had one more guest coming?
10:07Two guesses, don't you?
10:09Three guesses, don't you?
10:10Three guesses, don't you?
10:10Three guesses, don't you?
10:30Find anything?
10:31Nothing.
10:31Not a thing.
10:32There must be supper in here who will give us a lead.
10:34Don't overlook a thing, Max, even if it's only a matchbook cover.
10:37A matchbook cover? Why didn't you say so, Chief?
10:42Let's go through those. Maybe we'll find a rest or any frequent.
10:45Good idea, Ace.
10:46How did you get the nickname Ace?
10:48Well, I used to play poker with three other guys.
10:50We all ended up giving ourselves names after the cards.
10:53Things like King Garrity, Jack Palermo.
10:57You took the name Ace?
10:59Yeah, it was either that or Queen.
11:04Did you find anything?
11:08Nothing. They're all different.
11:10Two hours of this, we haven't come up with a thing.
11:13Well, at least it gives us an insight into the listener's character.
11:16He's a man who's very careful about leaving evidence lying around.
11:19Yes. And he's not very superstitious either.
11:22What makes you say that?
11:24Look at that mirror.
11:28Lessinger left this mirror on the wall and it's broken.
11:30And that means seven years bad luck.
11:33That's it!
11:33That's what?
11:34Lessinger's list!
11:38The first six names are crossed off.
11:40The first six names are dead men.
11:42I told you it was bad luck.
11:43Wait a minute.
11:44Lessinger's name's on that list, too.
11:46Yeah, it's before either of yours, too.
11:48You know what that means?
11:49Of course!
11:51What does that mean, Chief?
11:52No, don't tell me, Chief.
11:54Let me guess.
11:55Lessinger's gonna kill himself first,
11:57and then he's gonna kill you and me.
11:59Don't move.
12:00All right, get in here.
12:01Get your hands up.
12:01All right, you're under arrest, Lessinger.
12:18I'm not, Lessinger.
12:19My name is Tuttle.
12:20You expect me to believe that?
12:22Well, it's true.
12:23I'm the manager of this hotel.
12:24I don't believe that either.
12:25Who is he?
12:26Maybe so.
12:26Don't tell me.
12:27Let me guess.
12:28His name is Tuttle, and he is the manager of the hotel.
12:30That's right.
12:31I could have told you that, Chief.
12:34The night clerk downstairs told me he let you fellas in.
12:38But if you're looking for Mr. Lessinger,
12:39you're about a week too late.
12:41Skip town, eh?
12:42No, we buried him this morning.
12:44Well, that must mean he's dead, Chief.
12:49Please accept my apologies, Mr. Tuttle.
12:51We're on a very important case,
12:53and sometimes we act a little too hastily.
12:54Oh, that's all right.
12:56The authorities are in and out of here all the time.
12:58If you fellas have any other questions,
13:00I'll be downstairs at the desk.
13:02Thank you, Mr. Tuttle.
13:09What did you do that for?
13:11Listener's no longer alive.
13:13Well, that's right, Chief.
13:14You and I are the only ones left on the list.
13:16That's right, Max.
13:17You and I are the only ones on the list.
13:19Then one of you has to be the murderer.
13:28Ridiculous.
13:34Max is like a son to me.
13:36More than that,
13:36the Chief is like a father to me.
13:38Well, facts don't lie.
13:39You subtract seven for nine,
13:40you get two,
13:41and eventually one.
13:43Mr. Weems,
13:43you don't know us very well,
13:44but to even consider
13:45that Max or I would murder each other,
13:47let alone seven other control agents.
13:49We've worked on hundreds of cases together
13:51with ample opportunity
13:52to knock each other off
13:53any time we wanted to.
13:54Why would we wait until now?
13:55You're at the bottom of the list.
13:57Now, look,
13:58I may be just an insurance man,
13:59but I think I can look at this situation
14:01with far more objectivity.
14:02I refuse to entertain the idea.
14:04Besides, all the facts aren't in.
14:06Well, let's get a bite to eat
14:08and we'll look at it further, okay?
14:16After you, Chief.
14:18Go ahead, Max.
14:20I'll close the door.
14:21Oh, that's all right, Chief.
14:22I'll close it.
14:23Are you afraid to have me behind you?
14:25Of course not.
14:28Max, I'm not leaving this room
14:30unless you go first.
14:31And I'm not leaving
14:31unless you go first.
14:33But this is ridiculous.
14:34We're acting like
14:34we don't even trust each other.
14:36Look, we'll both go out
14:37at the same time.
14:38Okay.
14:39All right.
14:40Go ahead, Max.
14:41You start.
14:42I'll follow.
14:42Max, if we're both gonna leave
14:43at the same time,
14:44one of us has to make a move.
14:47You're right, Chief.
14:49You make it.
14:51I'm not gonna make a move
14:52unless you do.
14:53And I'm not gonna make it
14:53if you're not gonna make it.
14:59There's room 312.
15:01Set up some coffee
15:01and sandwiches, please.
15:03And an extra cot.
15:05When did you last see
15:15the Chief, Max?
15:17Oh, last night
15:18in Lissinger's hotel room.
15:19I left by the door
15:20and the Chief went down
15:21the fire escape.
15:22Did either of you
15:23say anything to each other?
15:24No, we didn't want
15:25to wake Ace Weems.
15:27Max, you realize
15:27that this is some kind
15:28of diabolical plan.
15:30Someone worked very hard
15:31to get things
15:32to work out like this.
15:33but there's one thing
15:34he didn't count on.
15:35What's that?
15:36Your high regard,
15:37your warm feelings,
15:39and your deep respect.
15:41You're right, 99.
15:45Oh, ho.
15:47Chief!
15:48Oh, him.
15:52Larrabee, I'm going down
15:53at the lab.
15:53If anybody wants me,
15:54you know where I'll be.
15:55Where's that, Chief?
15:57I just told you, Larrabee,
15:58down at the lab.
15:59Don't forget about
16:00your lunch date with Max.
16:02What lunch date with Max?
16:04I called in about
16:04an hour ago.
16:05Didn't you see the message?
16:06I left it on your desk.
16:07Are you sure?
16:10Oh, here it is.
16:11I left it on my desk.
16:13You know what all desks
16:14look alike?
16:15Larrabee!
16:16I can't tell one desk
16:17from the other.
16:18It's a good thing
16:18our desks are in different rooms,
16:19otherwise you'd really
16:20be in trouble.
16:21I am in trouble.
16:23What's the message?
16:24Well, Max wants
16:25to buy your lunch.
16:26You're to meet him
16:27at the Twin Oaks restaurant
16:27out on Highway 9
16:28at 1230.
16:30I'll be down at the lab
16:30about an hour.
16:32You get a message to Max
16:33and tell him I'll meet him
16:33there at 1 o'clock.
16:35Right, Chief.
16:44Max, Larrabee.
16:46The Chief says he'll meet you
16:47at 1 o'clock for lunch
16:48at the Twin Oaks restaurant
16:49on Highway 9.
16:50Thank you, Larrabee.
16:51Goodbye.
16:53What's that all about, Max?
16:54Well, it seems that the Chief
16:55was a little ashamed
16:56of his actions last night.
16:57He wants me to meet him
16:58for lunch this afternoon
16:58at 1 o'clock.
16:59Well, isn't that lovely?
17:00Where are you going to meet him?
17:01I don't know.
17:02Some little place
17:03out on Highway 9,
17:04a restaurant called
17:05the Twin Oaks.
17:06Twin Oaks?
17:06I don't know it.
17:07Yes, well, it's probably
17:08some sophisticated
17:09little hideaway spot.
17:10I don't know it.
17:11I don't know it.
17:12I don't know it.
17:13I don't know it.
17:13I don't know it.
17:14I don't know it.
17:15I don't know it.
17:15I don't know it.
17:15I don't know it.
17:16I don't know it.
17:16I don't know it.
17:17I don't know it.
17:17I don't know it.
17:18I don't know it.
17:19I don't know it.
17:19I don't know it.
17:20I don't know it.
17:20I don't know it.
17:21I don't know it.
17:21I don't know it.
17:22I don't know it.
17:22I don't know it.
17:23I don't know it.
17:23I don't know it.
17:24I don't know it.
17:24I don't know it.
17:25I don't know it.
17:56I hope the food is good.
18:26Chief?
18:44Chief?
18:48Chief?
18:52Chief?
18:56Chief?
19:00Sheep?
19:16Sheep?
20:00Hello, Max.
20:02Chief.
20:06Well, I guess this is the showdown.
20:08I guess so, Max.
20:11I've done a lot of thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that there's only one way to end this.
20:23I came to the same decision, Max.
20:27You did?
20:27Yes, you see, neither you nor I could be the murderer, Max.
20:32The fact that we threw those guns away proved that.
20:35Whoever tricked us into coming here hoped that we'd kill each other,
20:38or else have one of us kill the other, and have the survivor blame for the other's death.
20:43Would you say that again, Chief?
20:48We're not alone here, Max.
20:49Good afternoon, gentlemen.
20:57Oh, hi, Ace.
20:58Chief, it's Ace Weems.
21:00He eats here, too.
21:02That's not his real name, Max.
21:04I know that, Chief.
21:06It's a nickname he got in a poker game.
21:08Weems isn't his real name either.
21:09It's Lissinger.
21:10Ace Lissinger?
21:12Adrian Lissinger.
21:13How'd you find out?
21:14I took the liberty of removing this from your office, and I ran it for a fingerprint check.
21:19When the prints came back, they proved to be those of Adrian Lissinger.
21:22And no two people in the world have the same set of fingerprints.
21:27Wait a minute, Chief.
21:28There's a guy up there with a gun on us who has the same set of fingerprints as Adrian Lissinger.
21:33Max, that is Adrian Lissinger.
21:36Oh, really?
21:36He doesn't look anything like him.
21:42I had my nose fixed.
21:44Well, your doctor did a rotten job.
21:47Did it myself.
21:49Well, that accounts for the face.
21:51But how about the height?
21:52Adrian Lissinger was at least a foot taller than you.
21:55Changed the way I wore my hair.
21:57Used to have it in pompadour.
22:01Well, you forgot one thing, my friend.
22:03Adrian Lissinger was hard of hearing.
22:05What?
22:07Never mind, thanks.
22:08Lissinger, you're under arrest for the murder of six control agents.
22:12And the wino.
22:13Oh, the one who was supposed to be you at the senator hotel.
22:17Gentlemen, I've got enough talking.
22:20Just a minute, Lissinger.
22:22There's one thing I'd like to know.
22:24Why did you kill all those control agents on the baseball team?
22:27Because you guys were mean to me and cruel to me.
22:30And you're always throwing baseballs at me.
22:32But you were the catcher.
22:34Doesn't matter what I was.
22:35I waited for a long time for this.
22:39Last two on my list.
22:41Well, let's see the end of Adrian Lissinger.
23:02Yes, Chief.
23:04Now there's only two names left on this list.
23:07Yours and mine.
23:15This is ridiculous, Chief.
23:16Come on, let's get out of here.
23:18After you, Max.
23:19No, you go ahead first, Chief.
23:21No, I'm not in any hurry at all, Max.
23:22But your car is parked in front of mine.
23:24I have to pull mine out.
23:24I don't care, Max.
23:25You just go right ahead any phone you want.
23:27No, no, I'm not in no hurry.
23:28I don't care.
23:35I don't care.
23:35You're welcome.
23:36Go ahead.
23:38Go ahead.
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