- 5 months ago
ENTERTAINMENT
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00Hi, Mom.
00:05Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:07Hand me the honey.
00:09What did I tell you about eating food off the floor?
00:11That's just for Daddy.
00:16That's right.
00:18All right, I'll get down to the kitchen, get a clean one, and eat it there.
00:20Okay.
00:30Oh, Cheryl, will you stop obsessing over that stupid baby report card?
00:40The pediatrician said Kyle was perfect.
00:42I just don't get it.
00:43His height and weight are right down the middle, but his head size is just off the chart.
00:51I gave birth to Mr. Potato Head.
00:54Hey.
00:56Oh, well, son of Mr. Potato Head.
00:57Cheryl, I have got some great news.
01:01I'm going to knock your socks off and hopefully your shirt and pants, too.
01:04Oh.
01:04We got a free trip to Vegas.
01:06Yes, in-city, bugsy seagulls, folly in the desert.
01:11Did you want to tell them?
01:12Yeah.
01:12What?
01:13We got a free trip to Vegas?
01:15Well, not exactly.
01:15Yeah, no, no, it's a business trip, okay?
01:18This foam insulation company is sending me and Jim to a trade show to demonstrate their new product.
01:24Do you want to tell them that, too?
01:27Yeah, so it's just you and Andy.
01:30Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:31Dana, you want to come?
01:32What?
01:34Well, we need an assistant for the demonstration.
01:36And as an added bonus, she's like a human rabbit split.
01:39Oh, no, you guys, that time at the Riverboat Casino was just a fluke.
01:42Oh, come on, I made 400 bucks at Bacharach.
01:44I don't even know what that is.
01:45And I won 50 at the slots, and that rash on my inner thigh cleared up.
01:54No, no, no, no, no.
01:55I'm sorry.
01:55I am not going without Cheryl.
01:57Ha!
01:58All right.
01:59But if you wanted to come, the company would pay for your whole trip plus 50 bucks a day.
02:03I'll get you something really nice from the gift shop.
02:05No!
02:07Jim, I don't believe you.
02:08What?
02:08We haven't been on a vacation since, I don't know when.
02:11Oh, Baloney, what about that time we went downtown for five nights waiting on your hand and foot?
02:16The hospital?
02:18Huh?
02:19I was giving birth to your son.
02:22Cheryl, you didn't have to cook, did you?
02:26All right, fine, fine.
02:28But if you're going to go on a vacation, I'm going to go on a vacation.
02:31What?
02:31And if you're not taking us with you, then I'm taking the kids to Hawaii.
02:33Yeah, first class.
02:35On a yacht.
02:36Oh!
02:36Presidential suite.
02:37All right, all right, all right.
02:38Family vacation in Vegas.
02:41All right, pack your bags and shave your legs.
02:44Ow!
02:49Well, I'm off to the mall.
02:50I saw this pair of shoes that really say Vegas.
02:53In what way?
02:54They have the word Vegas written on it.
02:58Hey, I'll go with you.
02:59I can use one of those Mrs. Schmetzels pretzels.
03:02They are so good, I swear there's nicotine in them.
03:06Okay, what's up?
03:07You hate Vegas.
03:09Okay.
03:09Can you keep a secret?
03:11Not if you tell it to me.
03:14From Jim?
03:15Oh, okay, my pleasure.
03:16Bill.
03:17All right, you ready?
03:19Yeah.
03:19I've been keeping in touch with Jim's sister.
03:22Roxanne.
03:23Oh, my God.
03:24Yeah, I've been trying and trying to figure out a way to get him talking again.
03:27Well, a year ago, she moved to Vegas.
03:29This is perfect.
03:30It's like destiny.
03:31Okay, wait a minute, Cheryl.
03:33Don't they hate each other?
03:34Oh, Dana.
03:35Come on.
03:36If they really hated each other, they would have signed the police report.
03:39Oh, black champ, I can't lose.
03:51Thank you, rabbit's foot.
03:52Hey, how's it going?
03:57Oh, well, I hope you have your armaments on, because I am on fire.
04:01Yeah, Maverick, here's up 22 bucks.
04:03All right, look, you know what?
04:05I've got to go to the bathroom.
04:06I've been standing here for two hours.
04:08Okay.
04:09Fine.
04:10Fine, go.
04:12Can we play this one just for fun until she gets back?
04:18Oh, busted.
04:20Well, Cheryl, I guess you're not in any luck.
04:22Must have used it all up when you met me.
04:24That's right, honey.
04:25You're the jackpot that just keeps paying off.
04:27Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
04:28Yeah, that's right, sweetie.
04:29Hey, you know what I always think is great about Vegas?
04:32About 50 shrimp for a buck?
04:33Yeah, yeah, that, that.
04:34But also, with all the millions of people from around the world,
04:37you can actually run into someone you know.
04:39Oh, yeah?
04:40Did you see somebody?
04:41Yeah.
04:41Darned if it wasn't your sister.
04:46What?
04:46She's here?
04:47What?
04:47Yeah.
04:48I was surprised, too.
04:49Oh, look, here's Roxanne now.
04:54Hey, Jimmy.
04:56Oh, I see Daddy's forehead finally came in.
05:00Sort of Mom's mustache.
05:04What the hell are you doing here?
05:15Besides stopping traffic with a rat that just won't quit?
05:20Cheryl called.
05:21Oh, yeah?
05:22Said you wanted to patch things up.
05:24Oh, yeah.
05:26That's great.
05:29Can I speak to you for a second?
05:30Excuse me, sis.
05:35We'll be just one second.
05:38Family vacation?
05:40I knew you had an exterior motive.
05:42It's ulterior, Jim.
05:44Oh, yeah.
05:44Like, I'm gonna believe anything you say right now.
05:47Right.
05:47This is why I wanted to come.
05:49But, honey, it's just that I care about you.
05:51Come on.
05:51It's not natural to be cut off from your own family.
05:54Cheryl, I cut her off because I don't want her anywhere near our family.
05:57I don't want her.
05:58Shh.
06:03So she owes you a little money?
06:05Oh, it's not about that.
06:07I've forgotten about the $4,567 and 19 cents.
06:11I'm trying.
06:12Roxanne is not good.
06:14You've seen how she uses people.
06:16She doesn't even think twice about it.
06:17I know.
06:18I know it's been that way in the past.
06:19People do change.
06:21My sister does not change.
06:22Oh, really?
06:23You know that guy Rick?
06:24He's out of her life.
06:25She said that the last time.
06:26She always says that.
06:28Then the guy running the tilt-a-roll takes off his shirt and she falls in love all over again.
06:33Oh, he'll be back in a second.
06:34Just set it down, honey.
06:35Thanks.
06:49Jim.
06:49What?
06:50She's never even met Kyle, her own nephew.
06:52Isn't that sad?
06:53Yes, that's sad, but I don't want to get sucked up in that screwed-up world of hers again, ever.
06:58I want her out of my casino.
06:59All right, all right.
07:00Quit giving Cheryl a hard time.
07:04Just take this.
07:05For you.
07:08What's this?
07:08It's called the check.
07:10If you take it to a bank, the nice people turn it into money.
07:15150 bucks?
07:16Yeah, put it towards where I owe you.
07:18I know it's not much, but it's a start.
07:20Wow.
07:22They've never paid me back for anything.
07:24Jimmy.
07:26I know you don't believe me, but I really have turned things around.
07:30She even has her own business here in Vegas.
07:31Here, tell him.
07:32Tell him.
07:32Oh, yeah.
07:33I'm a hairstylist.
07:35I paid my way through beauty school working as a magician's assistant.
07:39Yeah, check it out.
07:45Okay, Roxanne, I get it.
07:46I get it.
07:46I get it.
07:47Roxanne, I get it.
07:48Come on.
07:49What do you say?
07:51Can I buy my big brother a cup of coffee?
07:53Yes.
07:54Love it.
07:57Is that on top of the 150?
07:59Sure.
08:00I'll let you leave the tip.
08:03All right, Roxanne.
08:05Because I never leave the tip.
08:07Oh.
08:10So there's this wet cement in front of our Uncle Paul's restaurant.
08:13Oh, please.
08:14And everybody else is writing their names in it with sticks.
08:17But little Jimmy here drops trowel and plants his butt cheeks right in the middle of it.
08:23You know, he still does that with every foundation we pour.
08:26Oh, come on.
08:28What can I say?
08:29I like to sign my work.
08:30All right.
08:31Aunt Roxanne, I like your nails.
08:35And I like your makeup.
08:36You can really see it.
08:38Oh.
08:40Well, you know what?
08:42The key is the foundation.
08:44You want to know who gave me that tip?
08:46Barbara Mandrell.
08:48Last time she played here.
08:49She knows Barbara Mandrell like I know Howie Mandrell.
08:52Roxy, Roxy, Roxy.
08:58Oh, hey, Wayne.
08:59Hey.
08:59What good to see you.
09:02I just popped in for a little key lime pie, but it seems things have gotten a lot sweeter.
09:07Oh, stop.
09:09Hey, everybody.
09:09This is my friend, Wayne.
09:11Hi.
09:11Oh, my God.
09:14You're Wayne Newton.
09:16Hi.
09:17I'm there.
09:18Okay.
09:18You probably don't remember this, but when I was in the fourth grade, I went to see you
09:26at Rosemont Horizon, and you looked right out into the audience, and you said, there's...
09:32There's a young lady that's going to grow up and break many, many hearts.
09:39Oh, my God.
09:40You remember?
09:43How could I forget?
09:44I say that every show.
09:50Hey, Wayne.
09:51I want you to meet my big brother, Jim, and his family.
09:53Hi.
09:54How are you, Wayne?
09:55Nice to meet you.
09:55Hey.
09:55Good to see you.
09:56Oh, this is the...
09:58This is the butt in the cement guy.
10:00Yeah.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Yeah.
10:03He likes to make a good impression.
10:11My wife.
10:12Thank God she's beautiful.
10:13Right, Wayne?
10:14No.
10:16And by the way, my wife wanted me to say thank you because she was thrilled with the
10:22new dude that you gave her.
10:23Oh.
10:24Well, tell her I said, Duncan, Shane.
10:29You're really a special lady.
10:30Thank you, Roxy.
10:31Wayne, your wife's already getting a 20% discount.
10:33You can stop kissing my butt.
10:36See you guys.
10:37See you.
10:38Bye.
10:39Bye-bye.
10:39You cut Wayne Newton's wife's hair.
10:50That is so cool.
10:51Yeah.
10:52And I'll have a lot more high-class clients like that once I get my chair.
10:56Your chair?
10:57Well, you have to rent the chair space in a hotel salon.
11:00Then you start making the big bucks.
11:03Oh.
11:03And when I do, I'll be sleeping late and eating steak.
11:07Oh, come here.
11:09Wow.
11:09You are Jim's sister.
11:10Oh, come on.
11:12Hey, Roxanne.
11:13Can you come on the roller coaster with us?
11:15Okay.
11:17But I gotta warn you, I'm a screamer.
11:19Are we still talking about the roller coaster?
11:21Hey!
11:24Oh, wait a minute.
11:25No.
11:26Jimmy, I got this.
11:29Hey.
11:31Hello.
11:32Your sister's doing pretty well.
11:34I guess so.
11:35You glad I stuck my cute little button nose into your business?
11:38Well, it is nice to see her, you know, with the kids.
11:42You see?
11:42You gave her a chance and she rose to the occasion.
11:45Well, I guess anything can happen.
11:47Got the tip.
11:48But there's a Canadian quarter in there.
11:50Don't tell anybody.
11:52When are you gonna start at the salon?
11:54Well, soon, I hope.
11:56Just gotta raise $2,000.
11:59Somehow.
12:05Did you hear that?
12:06Did you hear that, Cheryl?
12:07She was working me.
12:08Did you hear that?
12:09Hi, honey.
12:09She didn't ask you for anything.
12:11Oh, no, not directly.
12:11She's too smart for that.
12:13First, she gives me a little of my money back, gets me to trust her, then she hits me for
12:17the big chunk.
12:18Well, forget it.
12:19She's not getting a dime.
12:20I am not an ATM machine.
12:23I am so embarrassed, you guys, but I seem to have left my wallet at home.
12:28Could I borrow $5 to pay for the pie?
12:30Sure.
12:31Thank you, Jim.
12:35Oh, you're welcome.
12:36Appreciate it.
12:37Not a problem at all.
12:40What?
12:41He's good for it.
12:42Oh, God, I just don't get it.
12:56I'm lucky for everybody except me.
12:57I've been sitting here losing for two hours.
13:00I blew my whole unemployment check.
13:02Yeah, I'm sure those words have never been spoken in this room before.
13:05Excuse me.
13:17These cups are for winners.
13:18Well, I'm off to get us all tickets for the best damn show on the strip.
13:25And what's that?
13:26Oh, it's amazing.
13:28It's Samson and Delilah.
13:30It's the Titanic.
13:31It's the history of the world, as told by 50 topless women.
13:37Oh, thanks.
13:45Hey, how you doing?
13:46Losing?
13:47Uh-oh.
13:48So would you get Jim to change his mind about Roxanne?
13:51No, he won't budge.
13:53Well, maybe he's right about her.
13:54I think he's wrong this time.
13:56I really think she's changed.
13:57Wow.
13:59You really believe her, people.
14:01I don't get that.
14:04I just wish I could help her get set up.
14:11Why can't we stop?
14:13I want, I want, I want, I want, I want to stop.
14:15Oh, my God!
14:16Oh, my God!
14:16Oh, my God!
14:22Oh, my God!
14:23Oh, my God!
14:23Oh, my God!
14:24I couldn't be happier for you.
14:26Oh, my God!
14:27Oh, my God!
14:28so i gotta wear a life vest or something the canal is only three feet deep senor
14:39first you can drown in the water you know
14:42hey sorry i'm late what's with the hat oh well i thought it might get windy you know out on the
14:51water cheryl we're inside on the second floor there's a smoke detector in that cloud
14:57yeah well i'm wearing a hat you're wearing black pants with white socks let's move on
15:02oh honey look at this isn't this romantic yes it is now we never have to go to europe yeah nice try
15:15thank you
15:15signore it's traditional for lovers to kiss when they go under the bridge of size
15:26well i don't want to mess with tradition
15:28hello
15:31oh hey see oh oh
15:34whoa
15:38we'll never get under that bridge with that hair
15:41wait hold it
15:44did roxia do that
15:46yeah she just wanted to do something nice for me
15:49oh yeah why would she want to do that cheryl
15:51did you do something nice for her
15:53honey i mean
15:55all right i i won twenty five hundred dollars at the slots and and i gave two thousand of it to her for
16:00the chair what are you nuts how could you do that i wanted her to have it i don't care you don't get
16:06involved in that why because she's my sister not yours she's my sister-in-law oh i don't care what
16:12she used to eat you don't do that
16:15because i already gave her the two thousand dollars
16:20wow at least i got a hairdo out of it
16:33you know what i'd like to see in one of these shows emmanuel lewis getting shot out of a cannon
16:45oh hey jimmy i'll be with you in a second why don't you just grab a national geographic
16:51the one on the bottom has native girls in it
16:54you know what i don't even care about naked women right now that ought to tell you how mad i am
16:58so i guess cheryl told you how she gave me the money yeah and i noticed you didn't tell her how
17:04i gave you the two thousand dollars already did you well you made me promise not to tell her i was
17:09going to give it back oh you're right roxanne oh here we go i'm the screw up who always screws up
17:19nobody ever believes oh come on roxanne you know that little act might work with daddy but it won't
17:23work with me oh well why don't you just shut up and look on the counter right there in that envelope
17:31it's too grand in there ouch what do you want honey you got a lot of knock
17:38oh you are so full of it the only reason you're giving me this money is because i caught you in a lie
17:43oh is that what you think that's right roxanne well i'll tell you what i'm gonna give you cheryl's
17:50money too you know what i'll take it well just tell me something why don't you give me the money in
18:04the first place you know what i don't know maybe because i still had hope that i was wrong about you
18:09but you know what i wasn't you love this as long as i'm the loser you get to be the big hero of the
18:14family with your marriage and your job and your house hey everybody look at me i'm jim i've never
18:22been to rehab all right all right turn it on me all right but i'm done cleaning up your messes
18:32you better not be lying about this
18:39oh boy 2500 burning a hole in my pocket i'm thinking flat screen tv in the bathroom
18:49or we could blow it on something stupid
18:53yeah we could stop is that who i think it is you've got to be kidding me
19:01roxanne roxanne what are you doing here i thought you didn't have the money to do this
19:10well now i do what do you do rob a bank no i got the money for my new boyfriend what did he do rob a
19:16bank no he's a great guy he's warm and nice and unlike you he happens to believe in me
19:24hey darling hello butter muffin
19:39just ruined butter and muffins for me
19:41next time on according to jim yeah andy i gotta talk oh jim i know what you're gonna say and don't
19:55worry the andy man can handle himself of course i don't have to now that i'm dating your sister
20:01you gotta dump her i now pronounce you husband and wife oh where's my sister you mean my wife
20:11she's sleeping in had her up pretty late last night
20:28i've made my decision okay roxanne is my wife now you two need to decide if you want to be in or out
20:34of our lives does that sound like a patsy to you hell no i gotta go wait wait wait you're not going
20:42anywhere until you tell andy exactly what you're doing could you tell him because we're not really
20:48that close