- 6 months ago
ENTERTAINMENT
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00He's next door.
00:06Oh, okay.
00:08Act natural.
00:15Oh, hey, ladies.
00:16Hey, Bob.
00:18Yeah, is it Tuesday already?
00:21Oh, shoot, it looks like we're out of water.
00:24Would you be a dear and replace that for me?
00:25Sure thing.
00:30Thanks.
00:41I'll see you next week.
00:42Uh-huh.
00:46Oh.
00:50Good morning.
01:00Good morning.
01:25Good morning.
01:25Good morning.
01:30Good morning.
01:31Good morning.
01:32Good morning.
01:33Good morning.
01:34Good morning.
01:35I'm going.
01:36I'm going.
01:37I'm going.
01:38Mommy, I did.
01:39Are you watching?
01:40Yeah, I bet.
01:46We're okay.
01:47We're fine.
01:48How was just that ugly ball Dana gave us?
01:50Oh, yeah.
01:51It's a beautiful day.
01:52Why don't you guys play outside?
01:54You know, why can't we tell you to go play outside?
01:56Because you know she'll never come back.
02:00Jim!
02:01You really should come out here.
02:02Oh, you can almost taste the sunshine.
02:04Hey, are you going to get a fucking bird call?
02:06Yeah, I'm going to go to Harley's shirt.
02:08Do you know what?
02:09We need light bulbs.
02:10Daddy, hurry!
02:11Daddy, hurry!
02:12Daddy, hurry!
02:13What?
02:14What?
02:15What happened?
02:16What is this?
02:17Remember?
02:18Can I'm down?
02:19Right.
02:20And I did it.
02:21And Uncle Andy killed him with his big fat head.
02:25My head's not big.
02:27Please, when you were a kid, we had to stitch two baseball heads together.
02:32You think maybe someone could get me an ice bandage, a family who loves me?
02:36Come on.
02:37I'll get you some ice.
02:38Come on.
02:40Wake up!
02:41Wake up!
02:42Daddy, do something!
02:44Oh, honey, all right.
02:45Well, it's too big to flush.
02:48Cheryl, get a shovel.
02:49What?
02:50Jim!
02:51What?
02:52Come on.
02:53The bird is dead.
02:54What, do you want me to harvest the organs?
02:55I'm a little more sensitive.
02:56I'm being sensitive.
02:57It's moving.
02:58Oh!
02:59Look!
03:00It's alive!
03:01Huh?
03:02I saved her.
03:03I'm going to name her Daphne.
03:04I'm going to get her a cage.
03:06I'm going to feed her.
03:07I'm going to play dress up with her.
03:09Honey, honey, honey.
03:10This is somebody else's pet.
03:12We cannot keep the bird.
03:14And I'll go to the park, and I'll bring her to school, and I'll...
03:17Sweetie, sweetie.
03:19Whoever lost her must be very sad.
03:21Don't you think we should help her get her back?
03:23No.
03:24Gracie, I'm telling you right now.
03:26If that bird stays, I go.
03:28Bye.
03:32What am I supposed to do, Jim?
03:33She called my blob.
03:34I guess it's goodbye.
03:35Okay, come on.
03:36You're not keeping that bird.
03:37We're gonna make flyers, and you're gonna put them up.
03:39Why don't we put the first flyer in Annie's big fat head?
03:42My head's not that big.
03:44Oh, yeah?
03:45Charlie Brown would make fun of that head.
03:57Stupid bird.
03:58Took me 11 years to train, Jim.
04:00I'm not doing it for you.
04:01Hey, Cheryl.
04:03Where's the fashion section?
04:08Right there.
04:09And there.
04:10And there.
04:11I hate that bird.
04:15I don't like the way it looks at my hair.
04:17You know, like it wants to move in.
04:19Tell me about it.
04:20Chewed a hole in the couch and ripped open a pillow.
04:22Thank God we don't have nice things.
04:24Yeah.
04:25Good news.
04:26Some woman just called.
04:27She saw the flyer.
04:28She sent her husband right over, ain't it?
04:29Oh, thank you.
04:30Whoa!
04:31Whoa!
04:32Whoa!
04:33Whoa!
04:34Whoa!
04:35Whoa!
04:36Whoa!
04:37Whoa!
04:38Whoa!
04:39Whoa!
04:40Whoa!
04:41Whoa!
04:42Whoa!
04:43Whoa!
04:44Whoa!
04:45Whoa!
04:46Whoa!
04:47Whoa!
04:48Whoa!
04:49Whoa!
04:50Whoa!
04:51Whoa!
04:52Whoa!
04:53Whoa!
04:54You know what?
04:55It just might work with Gracie.
04:56Yeah.
04:57Yeah.
04:58Good thing she's not the smart one.
04:59Here, Daphne!
05:00Oh!
05:05Oh.
05:06Oh.
05:07Honey?
05:08Sweetie?
05:09Um, we found Daphne's mommy and daddy, and they're coming to get her.
05:12No!
05:13She loves me.
05:14She wants to stay here with us.
05:15Um...
05:16Gracie, if you love something, set it free.
05:20That's crap.
05:21I want my bird.
05:23Listen, sweetie, we all love Daphne, and we wish she could stay.
05:27Really would.
05:28Oh, and also, we don't use that word.
05:30Crap?
05:32Well, only daddy uses it.
05:35Look, honey, we'd really like you to keep Daphne, but, you know, the real owners might want it back.
05:41No!
05:42Oh!
05:43Sweet!
05:44How sweet!
05:45What a sweet angel!
05:46A squawking, terrifying angel.
05:49So, sweetheart, are you going to be a good girl and let the nice man take his bird?
05:55No.
05:56Um, don't you want to do the right thing?
06:00No.
06:01Do you want to have candy ever again?
06:04Yes.
06:05Okay, then.
06:06Oh!
06:07Hi.
06:08I'm Sean Curran.
06:09My wife sent me over to take a look at the bird.
06:11Yes.
06:12Yes.
06:13We are so happy that you came.
06:14There's your bird right there.
06:15Right there.
06:16Ah.
06:17Uh-huh.
06:18Uh-huh.
06:19Uh-huh.
06:20Uh-huh.
06:21That's not my bird.
06:22What?
06:23No, no, no, no.
06:24That's your bird.
06:25I know.
06:26It's got to be your bird.
06:27No, I mean, it's the same bird Jim drew on this flyer.
06:30Look!
06:31Yes!
06:32Now we know why no one called about the dog.
06:33Well, that's not my bird.
06:34Our bird is different.
06:35What?
06:36How is it different?
06:37It's not this one.
06:39Oh, wait, wait, wait.
06:40Come on.
06:41Come on.
06:42You've got to take this bird.
06:44I'll make it worth your while.
06:46You like pickles?
06:48Pickles.
06:53That was my first offer.
06:55I was waiting for a counter.
06:57This means I can keep her, right, Daddy?
06:59You said I can keep her.
07:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:01I said only if we didn't find the real owners.
07:04Yeah.
07:05But there's someone else coming.
07:06There is?
07:07There is?
07:08Yes, this afternoon.
07:10And if it's not their bird, you can keep Daphne forever.
07:13Yay!
07:14Who is it?
07:16I don't know.
07:17I'll tell you when I think of it.
07:18What?
07:19Oh.
07:24Wait!
07:25Get it off me!
07:26Shoot her the hair!
07:28Think we should go up there and help her?
07:30I'm not going up there.
07:32Yeah, her hair grows fast.
07:36Yeah.
07:37Oh, that must be Daphne's long-lost owner.
07:42Honey, I don't think I can go through with this.
07:45I mean, we're lying to our own daughter.
07:46We already lied to her.
07:47Everybody knows you can't fix a lie with the truth.
07:51Yeah, but I mean, those are little white lies.
07:53I mean, this is like a great big green hairy one.
07:56Fine.
07:57I'll go tell them to forget it.
07:59Oh!
08:00Oh!
08:01She's running on my bus right here!
08:04Yeah, go ahead.
08:05All right.
08:08Hello there.
08:09I'm here for...
08:10Save it, Kenny, all right?
08:11Gracie!
08:12Daphne's daddy's here!
08:14Honey?
08:15Yeah?
08:16Honey?
08:17You got Kenny from work?
08:18Yeah, so what?
08:19Isn't he a little dim?
08:20No, he's a genius.
08:21I pay eight bucks an hour to clean up.
08:23I'll...
08:25Hi, honey!
08:26Hi!
08:27Hello there.
08:28I'm here for, uh...
08:29Yeah, yeah, the bird.
08:30The bird.
08:31The bird.
08:32This one's here, right here.
08:33Jamie?
08:34That's her!
08:35Yes, look!
08:36Great!
08:37Well, perhaps a kiss from the missus, and I'll be on my way.
08:42I named her Daphne.
08:43What do you call her?
08:44Oh, um, I call her Cheryl.
08:47That's my mom's name.
08:49Oh, I call her, uh, Gracie.
08:52That's my name.
08:53You don't know your own bird's name?
08:55Yeah, I got a lot on my plate.
08:58Uh, well, stranger, uh...
09:00Don't you think it's time you should, uh, move on?
09:03With your bird?
09:06Ah!
09:07Wow!
09:08Jim, you didn't tell me how to beak.
09:10I thought that was implied when I said it was a bird.
09:13No, my daddy's name?
09:15Oh.
09:16Oh.
09:17No, no.
09:18Um, it's written on a shirt.
09:19Yeah.
09:20That's a Chicago Bears.
09:22She can read?
09:24Yes.
09:25Oh, man, that's it.
09:26Game over, Jim.
09:27Easy, easy, easy.
09:28I knew it wasn't your bird.
09:29You're a big liar!
09:33All liars!
09:35I hate you!
09:40So how'd I do?
09:45Not so good, Kenny.
09:47Can I still have my pickles?
09:48Pickles are for closers!
09:49Gracie, sweetie, let Mommy in.
10:04No!
10:05All right.
10:06Ruby, open the door.
10:08I'm in here.
10:09I don't like that bird.
10:11She lock it?
10:12Yeah.
10:13Oh, Jim, we shouldn't have done that.
10:14She's never gonna trust us again.
10:15Yeah, well, hindsight's always 24-7.
10:18Look, I think you should take the fall for this one.
10:21What?
10:22Come on, I've been the bad guy the last four times.
10:23You were the bad guy the last four times.
10:25Really?
10:26Yes.
10:27Well, would a bad guy know how to pick a lock?
10:28Yeah.
10:29Look at her.
10:30That little bird.
10:31She looks like a tiny little bomb villain.
10:32really yes what would a bad guy know how to pick a lock yeah
10:44look at her that little bird she looks like a tiny little bomb villain
10:52oh sweetie oh honey we are so sorry it's it's just that that bird was driving us all crazy
11:01but you lied yes honey sometimes parents do that because the truth is just
11:08harder and it takes more time yeah and sometimes mommies and daddies make mistakes and
11:15and lying to you was a big one big really yes so is grandpa really sleeping
11:22no no is thunder really angels bowling
11:28no is mommy really 29 yes
11:33that dagwood oh the guy's got a hot wife and all he can think about is giant sandwiches
11:47yeah that would never happen in real life
11:54i went upstairs to get daphne and the window was open and and she's gone you didn't
12:00it you open the window you hate her i i did not do that honey i swear cheryl what leaving the window
12:10open you didn't think she'd get that me andy hates that bird more than i do andy please if
12:17i wanted that bird gone it'd be deep fried by now besides i seem to remember dana leaving windows open
12:23before dana oh come on you guys it's obvious this is a stink of jim all over it wait a minute wait a
12:29minute accusing the accuser i invented that dodge you know it was you dana you know it stop it stop it
12:36we're turning on each other cheryl's right don't you see it guys don't you see it this is exactly
12:42what gracie wants she's trying to split us up so she could take us out one at a time
12:48i want to go look for daphne all right honey we'll just be back by dinner
12:53sweetie maybe daphne went to the park why don't you and daddy go look together
12:57come on daddy hurry all right all right sweetie i'm right behind you
13:02andy andy come on you're coming with me why do i have to go this is a complete waste of time
13:07you know we'll never find that bird andy i went bar hopping with you knowing full well you wouldn't
13:11find a woman
13:23damn i do love the park beautiful day fluffy cloud of cotton candy
13:30oh college kids playing frisbee dude hit me high
13:38right in my bird lump
13:46daddy oh gracie i don't know come here baby come over here you know what we've been looking for a whole
13:54hour i don't think daphne's here i mean for all we know she could be in mexico right now mexico oh yeah
14:02birds love mexico
14:06it's sunny and warm i got peanut butter waterfalls and birdseed beaches
14:14okay that's not quite the truth but if she's there and i think she is i'm sure she's having a good time
14:23let me see what's going on yeah all right jim what b-i-r-d-a-t-c-i-x-o apostrophe c-l-o-c-k
14:33you want to have sex with the clock
14:40hey crazy why don't you uh uh count the graphs between here and the rock and i'll give you a nickel
14:53moments away from a clean getaway i hate that bird i got an idea okay all i need is three dryer
15:00sheets a gallon of chocolate milk and a beekeeper's hand what do you say we just walk this way maybe
15:05grace will follow us i'm trying to think inside the box sure wait what i can't lie to grace you
15:17again what i can't go jim you're gonna be stuck with that bird forever they live longer than people you
15:23know i don't know but look at her i can't hurt her again this is my daughter yeah
15:33man i hope one day i'm as good a dad as you are
15:41damn you kids i'm gonna rip out your arms and beat you with them oh yeah you better run
15:45you better run your arms and beat you with them and you better run your arms and beat you with them
15:50gracey look daphne right there daphne daphne daphne
15:55oh don't scare her are you scared
16:02i was afraid that was gonna be next
16:04hurry daddy she'll get away i'm hurry i'm hurry it's just been a long time since i've climbed a tree
16:11sober hi hey birdie okay baby okay take it easy now that's it happy okay whoa come here nice and
16:26easy come on come here you stupid little bird come on come over here for a minute
16:32i love you let's go home oh daddy i would never be mad at you
16:49who's croquet ball
16:50i guess gonna miss the chicago marathon again this year well i'm not doing it alone so i guess
17:10i'm out too you guys have the worst luck with that then all right jim here's your ice pack oh
17:17can you put it under my tailbone yeah life's too short why couldn't a kitty have flown into your
17:24head i like look at yourself you're losing it we're playing right into gracie's hands oh get off it
17:33look gracie's happy and if she gets bored of the bird in the weekend dana can open the window again
17:38i told you it wasn't me well somebody opened the window it didn't just open itself
17:47i hate that bird
17:50oh i'd yell at her but my heart wouldn't be in it hello uh yeah i'm ginger curran and i believe
17:57you met my husband sean oh yes hi she'll have that bird yeah uh yeah we do gracie would you bring
18:04daphne down please oh i thought it wasn't your bird i know i know but i think about spending two
18:10thousand dollars on another bird so just where's the bird gracie georgie
18:16oh that's my georgie but it's not georgie it's daphne oh sweetie come here come here oh honey
18:30i know you took really good care of that bird oh my little georgie i'll never let you out of my
18:38sight again do i have to give her back yes yeah mommy can i say goodbye to daphne oh sure sweetie
18:52there you go oh daphne i love you i don't want you to go so we're going to mexico
19:00oh don't worry she doesn't have a passport jim birds in a tree would you come out here
19:10ain't that bird
19:22hey hey what's up bird's gone again no seen it no come to think of it i haven't seen gracie in a few
19:29days either
19:35i grow up stupid