- 5 months ago
ENTERTAINMENT
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00:00okay great we'll see you then okay that was Jim he's at the airport with mom they'll be here in
00:0745 minutes whoa I just got that knot in my stomach I've had it since I knew she was coming do you
00:16guys have that knot in your stomach it's even worse now that she's bringing what's his name
00:22hey hey her boyfriend's name is Frank Frank oh isn't that perfect I'm Frank I'm glad your dad's
00:32dead I kiss your mom on the lips all right all right dad's been gone for two years mom finally
00:38found somebody made her happy we should support her look who's still desperate to be the favorite
00:43sorry peaches you'll never be the baby I've given her three grandchildren it's not even a contest
00:52oh I thought you were 45 minutes away oh I love that gag all you need is a phone and a sucker
01:01Frank let me introduce you to everyone this is Cheryl and Dana and there's my baby
01:12oh you have a lovely home Cheryl thanks for opening it to us oh it's my pleasure so anybody for some
01:31peach strawberry iced tea hey what a gay delivery truck in a pothole out front honey how's the job
01:39hot going any nibbles oh yeah there's plenty of nibbles plenty of nibbles yeah oh good any jobs oh jobs
01:46jobs no just remember on your next job interview show off the bosom powerful men like that that's how your
01:59mom reeled me in how about a kiss on the lips
02:04oh
02:09Uncle Frank is getting a boat Uncle Frank is gonna teach us how to tie knots you're a sailor huh Frank
02:15that's right it was my passion until I met your mother now it's just a hobby oh my father was a
02:22landlubber but by God we loved him Andy's kind of an idiot Maggie's already told you right yes so Uncle
02:37Frank wow I just um I remember when you had to be related to use that title did you hear that Frank no
02:44Maggie I was otherwise engaged oh my god you guys are getting married I guess we just can't hide our bliss huh
02:55welcome to the family here change your grandson
03:14is that Ruby's diary you shouldn't read that this is how we keep one step ahead of her
03:29you know I I just don't like that Frank did you see the way he was massaging my mother's shoulders in
03:37the kitchen and and the way he keeps calling her honey and then he pulls her chair out at the table yeah
03:45you're right he's a real psychopath oh look she thinks her dad's a hero no I'm writing it in
03:55hey Jim Jim I need you to focus you know they've only they've only known each other two months and
04:06they're getting married I just I think there's something rotten here I think you're being
04:10paranoid am I you know she's giving him the money to buy that boat wait wait I didn't hear about this
04:15what's that about yes you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna run a background check on Frank all I
04:20need is his driver's license what do you know about background checks Dana ran one on you before we
04:28got married what I am totally outraged that is an invasion of privacy oh look who's got a crush on
04:40Harry Potter now this knot is the yachtsman's favorite it won't jam and it's easy to undo in
04:51a pinch isn't he just a wizard with the knots yeah a real wizard like your boyfriend Harry Potter
05:01listen Frank Jim and I were thinking about getting a boat really you guys can afford a boat yes and we
05:17were wondering do you need some sort of special license or oh sure I've had my license for years oh
05:22can I see it I mean now you know I it's kind of hobby of mine I like looking at licenses I didn't
05:36know that about you Jim oh sure Maggie my father was a laminator sorry I left it in Florida oh well
05:49can I see your driver's license I mean I can picture you with a captain's head on it's an old
05:57laminator's trick you know it's in my wallet upstairs you really need to see it right now well you know
06:06no no no no please got nothing but time you know maybe maybe I should go start lunch Jim Andy Dana will
06:12help me help me go help me now girls this is a sheepshank my dad he tied his shoes every day but we
06:21didn't sell tickets to it my father was a laminator lunch at 930 you guys can afford a boat
06:36boat what's going on we want to run a background check on frank oh like we did with jim
06:45dana thought you had crazy eyes what you're the one who said that well look at him am i wrong
06:54we need you to keep mom and frank occupied or we go upstairs and go through frank's wallet
06:58right right listen if something goes wrong and one of us doesn't make it to the other side
07:04i just want to say well damn it i love you guys oh look at this three shoe horns two feet
07:22you're right cheryl something doesn't add up just stop it hurry up all right
07:28you know what you should just relax this is our bedroom we can always say oh my god your mom's
07:36underwear trade places it's 10 o'clock honey it's time for your heart medication oh yes i should get
07:44that no i i mean uh i'll get it don't be silly i'll run up and grab it no wait mom um i kissed a girl in
07:56college me too andy don't tell stories
08:07i'll head up the back stairs and cut her off
08:12yes frank crowley remember this number b94873619 wait
08:17how am i supposed to remember that jim it's easy b9 like benign 48 it's the san francisco 49ers minus
08:27one 73 and he was born in 73 and 619 is the area code for san diego
08:35are you wearing a bra
08:35what's going on here well uh we were just uh hurry she's coming
08:54god you're fast
09:05i can't believe that you would go through frank's things like that mom you're gonna marry the guy
09:11and we just wanted to find out a little bit about him i thought i raised my children better than
09:15this well i have an excuse i'm the middle child oh and i'm the baby cheryl made me do it hugs
09:23give it a rest andy now take these pills down to frank
09:28not now mom i didn't really kiss a girl in college me neither
09:40oh come on mom can you blame us i mean you've only known frank two months and you're buying him a boat
09:45i am not buying it i am lending him the money until the apartment building that he sold in boca raton
09:51closes escrow maggie i gotta tell you if i were gonna take advantage of a vulnerable widow that's
09:56exactly how i would do it what my mind wanders while i'm driving
10:04mom you know you do hear all the time about smooth talkers taking advantage of
10:09people like you oh you mean old and alone no you know maybe frank and i should just leave
10:16oh maggie maggie maggie don't do that they're just worried about you that's all come on they
10:20really love you we love you don't go well what about frank totally forgotten oh can't we start over
10:28do-over a do-over yes okay thank you oh yeah i know i know we can we can do a girl's night out like
10:36like an impromptu bridal shower hey you can use my registry yes i already set one up
10:42but it comforts me stop looking at me and jim jim maybe you and andy can take frank out a bachelor
10:52party well i mean i'm not really you know a boobs and liquor kind of guy but you know if you think it
11:03would help
11:17you know strip club choreography has made great strides in recent years
11:23do you come here a lot ah once or twice hey misty yeah how's your son if he's still
11:29having a problem with those fractions call me maybe three times all right here we go another
11:37round oh jim i said i'd get the next round oh no don't be silly this is your bachelor party wouldn't
11:42hear of it we'll settle up at the end of the night to frank and maggie
11:48i don't usually drink tequila right now i can't imagine why you know frank i'm starting to like
12:01you hey andy how you doing hey venus how's the new puppy oh mr patches he is so cute so who am i
12:09shaking my business at right there i'm buying you a dance my friend no no no i couldn't that's not what
12:15maggie says hey that's my mom hey come on andy is such an angel you know he bought my daughter braces
12:26i wish i had soup here
12:27why i don't know there's something about naked women in soup you know what i'm saying not at all
12:42oh my god oh my god oh my god i was dancing for your friend and he had a heart attack i think he's dead
12:48what starlight your pre-med let's go
13:02oh
13:16sure sure oh honey i know you saw naked girls tonight but i'm not in the mood
13:26cheryl uh i need to talk to you we took frank to the oval office
13:32no that place on grand oh my god he must have died
13:42well not immediately
13:45i mean we you know had a few drinks and shot the breeze and i bought him a lamp dance and then you know
13:55then he died frank's dead yeah
14:02you killed frank no i did not kill frank what are you talking about you took him to a strip club and
14:09you bought him a lap dance honey it was a bachelor party what do you want me to take him to color me mind
14:13you were supposed to do that kind of thing
14:18oh god
14:20i know
14:22oh god my poor mom
14:25i know
14:29all right
14:30okay we're gonna have to go wake her up and tell her yeah oh honey
14:38mom frank was a great guy oh and he loved you so much here's to cap and frank
14:45you'll sail no more these mortal seas but on god's waters you'll brave the winds as you stand proudly on the
14:52the uh the uh uh uh the pointy part of the ship
14:57oh
15:03oh
15:05oh
15:06oh
15:08oh mom no come on let me do that no no i'd like to i need to keep using
15:13mom brings her fiancee to get her blessing what do i do i go through his pants and my husband kills him
15:21i'm such a bad hostess
15:28oh
15:29could somebody else get that come here sure i need to talk to you what is it oh nothing everything's
15:34fine gosh thanks
15:40sorry for your loss from everyone at the oval office love misty starlight venus twinkle and blueberry muffin
15:47those guys
15:55hey what's going on well after what happened the other day i decided to go ahead and run that
16:01background check with frank you what well when you have an inkling about something you're usually
16:05right i hate that about you but i decided to set the record straight and
16:11you know what's going on the other day i don't know what's going on the other day i don't know
16:17i don't know he's been scamming widows for years he was going to take maggie for everything
16:22oh my god hey what about that apartment complex in boca raton
16:28i'm starting to wonder if there ever was a boca raton
16:30where are you going i gotta go tell my mom why so something like this doesn't happen again so
16:38instead of just feeling heartbroken she's going to feel heartbroken and stupid
16:41jim she's my mom i think i know what's best
16:46okay oh no no no no you're coming you killed him
16:48i'm gonna make a sandwich what else would be more natural
17:05mom honey do you remember where i'd wash dishes and you'd stand on a stool next to me and be my dryer
17:11and would talk yeah that goes by so fast do you ever do that with ruby and gracie no they whine
17:22yeah they're spoiled they've done a terrible job with them
17:26listen uh mom sure what what is this meatloaf sweet
17:34mom there's something i need to tell you about frank what about frank well the the thing is
17:49would you excuse me jim's never really made a sandwich by himself before
17:55oh thank god you're here that is not meatloaf you know you gotta start putting labels on these
17:59shh what i can't do it i need you to tell her you want me to kill her no tell her honey if you
18:08gotta whisper you need to enunciate imagine if i had acted immediately please please do it please
18:13tell her no no i told you i didn't want to do it in the first place i'm not even making you
18:17i said no no i'm not gonna do it no i'll find the meatloaf
18:22so maggie how's the healing process going
18:42jim frank died last night so slowly
18:52you know every time i'd walk into a room he would look up at me and he would say you know what
18:58i'm really happy and for the first time boy in a long time i felt so so alive
19:10you know yeah maggie frank was a thief
19:15what yeah because he he stole your heart and that's what thieves do they steal but this is
19:26this is a good kind of stealing because frank was a good man mom and and that's how we'll always
19:34remember him right jim isn't that what you meant uh apparently
19:43thank you honey you too oh yeah i'm gonna go upstairs and pack okay
19:52very proud of you did the right thing oh thank you you know cheryl while i was running that uh
19:58background check on frank i also ran one on you what don't worry don't worry you know you came out
20:06perfectly clean mabel you told me you didn't have a middle name i hate it don't you ever use that again
20:15your secret's fine with me
20:17mabel mabel set the table i mean it i mean a jam pour the drinks if you're able